>>1795

That totally invalidates the point of the pastries. The person whos birthday it is is supposed to get a free pastry because it's their birthday. Whoever heard of buying other people presents on your birthday?

>>1796
It's happened in all four offices I've worked in and, as far as I'm aware, it's the norm in the majority of offices in the country.

>>1795

Is that a potted prickly pear? Next to a desk without a computer?

I don't even celebrate my birthday.

>>1795
I haven't actually worked in an office but I've never heard of this. I'm not fucking buying cakes for my colleagues on my birthday.

This thread makes me very happy I no longer work in a conventional sense and I will hopefully never work in a corporate office ever again.

Some of the things that pissed me off.

Company presentations where the whole fucking company gets to sit through presentations on how we are doing financially and so on. Sure having an idea of how the magazine you work on/run is doing is important, but I don't give a shit if Farmers Weekly is raking it in or closing down.

Training. Time and money wasted so some theorist can fuck about making Captain Obvious type observations that mean little in the real world.

Diversity training. I understand that calling black colleagues Sambo and asking if the gay guy in marketing caught hiv at the weekend isn't really on and is likely to get me pucnhed. However I don't need a three day seminar to understand this.

Expenses. Really, taking clients out of dinner and drinks is something we are supposed to do whilst not getting them too many drinks?

The TA guy. For whatever reason every office I've worked in has had either a current or former TA member in it. They have always been cocksuckers of a high level, who for whatever reason have to mention that they are/were in the TA at any moment, even if this means comparing the shitty coffee in the kitchen to something made in the field.

Overtly flirty team secretaries. These can be fun, but if they think being flirty and attractive makes up for incompetence it becomes a nightmare.

Team drinks etc. Friday after works drinks can be ok, but when you have "forced" team drinks it never really works out that well. Inevitably there will be disagreements about where to go and then when people have had a few the fun really starts. One of the girls will have had an argument with her bf and start to cry, TA man will be wanting to fight someone and before you know it a perfectly decent evening is a pile of failure and you're on the last train back to Croydon with autistic Michael from accounts who drunkenly confesses to having been molested as a kid/wanking in the toilets at work/owning a mask of shame.

The office comedian. The guy who spends half the working day sending unfunny virals around, heckles already cringeworthy presentations of any kind and does things like push all the buttons in the lift when you are showing clients to a meeting. Inevitably this guy will have some key knowledge or be in a special position which means at some point your job will depend on him.

>>1803
I can't work out if this is meant to be a nod to The Office or not.

Anyway, I bloody love training. If I had the choice between a week's training and a week doing my proper job I'd go for the training without a second thought, easy money.

>>1803

>Farmers Weekly
>Reed Business

I like your offices very much, but you overdo the security. What mag did you work for and why did you quit?

>>1803

>The office comedian. The guy who spends half the working day sending unfunny virals around, heckles already cringeworthy presentations of any kind and does things like push all the buttons in the lift when you are showing clients to a meeting. Inevitably this guy will have some key knowledge or be in a special position which means at some point your job will depend on him.

I aspire to be this man.

>>1803

What do you mean by TA?

The majority of offices I've worked in has had some weird manchild in their 40's.

#1 looked and sounded lot like Reece Shearsmith, but more orange and with very long eyelashes. He used to leave for work at 5am so he could get his favourite parking space on the street, despite not starting for another 2 hours. He'd be in a bit of a mood if someone else was parked there, apparently a few other people used to get there ridiculously early to get the best spots on that street. He used to tidy his house constantly because his mum would come around every week and inspect it for dust, he also didn't have an oven because if he ever got married he was going to leave it up to her to pick one she liked. It's hard to explain him, but he was really fucking odd, hilarious though.

#2 seemed to constantly wear sweaters that looked like antique rugs. He also had similar hair and glasses to the man in the cunt destroyer image, but had a hint of Mr. Bean about him. He was completely pathetic, but he had a few women in their 50's/60's who used to mother him all the time.

#3 was absolutely obsessed with Top Gear. He'd spend most of his time talking about it, or shows along he lines of Ice Road Truckers and that series that was recently on Five about the Royal Navy. The office was predominantly middle-aged women who knew fuck all about computers, so they revered him like a God for just knowing the basics. He lived with his parents, so he'd buy a brand new BMW every couple of years and spend his spare time driving that around and wanking over it.

>>1808
Territorial Army.

>>1810
What you said in >>1803 sounds just like Gareth, do you think they based him off of this apparent stereotype?

I'll assume everyone's been on those forced team bonding weekends where you go to a rapey serial killer looking woods and do activities?

I could have spent that weekend with a curry, a few boxsets, video games and internet pornography but ended up with blood sweat and tears, some people were all three. It just ended with us all hating each other for a few weeks.

I've been working in a new job for the psat 6 months or so and unlike my prior jobs it is very heavily office based. I just do everything possible to get out of the office, this includes site inspections, going to pick stuff up/place orders in stores or just plain hiding in the bog, using my phone to browse the net. My problem is I have a short attention span as it is, so me having a job where I'm sat in front of a computer for 8 hours a day leads to me just staring at the wall or playing solitaire far too much.

The fact that I joined the company shortly after being taken over by new management, means I fall on the side of being the new bloke where there's very much a divide between the new management and the old guard. It doesn't help that the way the office is split up I am sat with all the new management with the old guys on the other side. There's just been so many petty arguments its ridiculous.

On the plus side I have been praised after my first bi-annual assessment for my hands on approach. I daren't tell them that the only reason for this is because I hate sitting in the fucking office and its bollocks politics.

>>1806
>What mag did you work for and why did you quit?

I worked on a number of titles and I left because I was offered a part in the Murdoch empire. This was all a very long time ago though.

>>1813

You sound like you're living a very similar life to me in that aspect.

>>1813
>just plain hiding in the bog, using my phone to browse the net.
I used to do this all the time in my old job; not because it was especially bad, but because it was in the public sector and you could get away with dicking around for half the working day (and I'd still get my work done faster than most of my team). I don't think there was any accountability whatsoever in that job, partially because nobody really seemed to know what someone else was meant to be doing. Fortunately, there were no office politics, but the endless use of 'matey', 'banter' and 'hang fire' drove me up the wall.

The shitters in my current job are a disgrace and not worth wasting time in.

I've not long gotten out of a 2 and a half hour long meeting. Which was such a fucking waste of time, nothing of any worth was said or done. I've not even had my lunch yeat, so i'm fucking off out to go and sit in the park or possibly a beer garden for the rest of the day. I'll head back to the office for 4.30 to clock out.

>>1803
I wish I had an office comedian. Instead I have a man in his late 40's who wants to show how he's down with the kids by constantly name-dropping the likes of The Wombats and Mumford & Sons.

I'd trade that for the office comedian any day. I don't think I've met anyone that has mentioned liking The Wombats that isn't an absolute cunt.

>>1836

He reminds me horribly of one of my parents friends and neighbours when I was in my late teens/early twenties. He was a media prick and would constantly try to be cool by talking about Supergrass, The Boo Radleys and whatever other Britpop rising stars were around at the time.

This was particularly tricky as I had just left the army and was trying to get my first job in meeja and this guy was, according to my mums theory, the best way in.

>>1812
I went on one of these a few weeks ago. It was made slightly different by the fact it was in Eastern Europe and a large man called Olav said I was very good at shooting.

Was pretty good fun actually, even if I lost my bank holiday weekend and therefore my birthday, but it's a fairly new job and I still have enthusiasm for it. I'm sure it'll be different this time next year.

That one CRAZY female worker. You know the one. She works in accounts or human resources, she's a bit overweight, and the first thing she says when introducing herself is "Don't mind me, I'm just a bit KER-AZY". Her CRAZINESS involves liking cute animals, and talking about how CRAZY she is, because if you say you express a particular trait often enough it apparently manifests itself as something approximating a personality. They always love Nandos too.

>>1944
I'M PROPER MAD ME.

>>1944
I know this type. Speaks way too loud because that's the only way this fat ugly bitch is getting attention.

>>1944
Fat people are always so full
of themselves.

Mine's football talk.

I ended up getting stuck working with the office bore today on a project. 8 hours stuck with a middle aged man who kept going on about trains, with all the computer savvy of a mentally handicapped chimp does not make the day go quickly.

>>1985
Just wait until you have to spend the day with a man who hasn't got over his wife leaving him. Two years ago.

>>1986
Being stuck with a middle aged man who is obsessed with trains and still lives with his mother is just as bad if not worse. He is a fucking luddite who i'm suprised still works there after the introduction of PCs in the work place during the 90s.

Don't be hating on trains man.

>>1953
>Fat people are always so full
of themselves.

>>2026

And also food.

THE LADS. THEY'RE IN THEIR 30'S BUT THEY'RE STILL LADS AND THEY LET YOU KNOW THAT THEY'RE LADS EVERY OPPORTUNITY THEY GET. LADS LADS LADS.

THEY HAVE POT NOODLES EVERY DAY. DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THEY'RE LADS.

THE FUCKING POTTED PLANT



AAAAAARRGYGTFERFGRJHEFGERJHFGERAFGHKFGLKSEBFGODFBGDFKBGIDFKABGKAUDTHUIERGTRKZG

>>2365

Post divorce lads in their 40's and even 50's are far worse.

>>1986
They are always hilarious. They never seem to understand why it happened, why oh why did she run off with a mobile-phone salesmen 15 years younger, but then you spend an hour listening to them droning on and think nothing but GO ON GIRL.

I'd echo the hate of pointless training. This Friday I must attend "corruption and bribery" training. Apparently, it's kind of bad if I take money off suppliers and shit. FML.

>>2384
Come work for me bruv.
Take em for all they're worth.

I AM A 90's BUSINESSMAN

>>2385

Reminded me of this.

>>2386
Thats what I was aiming for m8.
This can be our anthem.
https://www.youtube.com/v/3OGQZzEOnHA

I work from home now (for a company), but we're all based from home and meet up in a regus every week or two). It's great for avoiding workplace bullshit.

But this thread reminds me of my old work. What a pit of agony that was. I would go a week without doing work. I would browse the internet all day. I would sometimes crack one off in the toilets.

The fat one who's a ' bit crazy' - omg yes, we had that. She was admin/accounts.

We had a smug manager too, had done everything you could ever imagine and as soon as you mentioned something he done it better. Weekend in some European city - oh yes I went there in a kayak, backwards, jumping off a mountain, blindfolded, chortle chortle chortle, I'm so special.

God just thinking about working if an office again fills me with rage. I wouldn't have patience or tolerance for it.

Fucking invalids who don't know what they want but think I do. "What would you recommend for a 15 year old?" I don't know what music your son listens to do I? Fuck off you old slag.

>>2427

Lad, I think you need to stop being an angsty teenager. Ask what sort of music he's into and point to the relevant section, if she doesn't know point to the pop section.

>>2428
Or flog them a bloody token, make everyone happy.

Or, of course "double handed elbow deep fisting", but we've not got it in stock, try HMV.

>>2427

A beefy poz load is what I'd recommend. I've got some right here if you point me in the right direction.

GONNA SPRAY HALF A CAN OF IMPULSE WHILE I'M SAT AT MY DESK SO IT'S ALL EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE CAN SMELL FOR THE NEXT 5 MINUTES.

HELLO I AM A WOMAN AND EVEN THOUGH THE MEN HAVE TO WEAR SUITS AS PER THE DRESS CODE I CAN WEAR WHATEVER THE FUCK I LIKE.

HI I AM YOUR BOSS EVEN THOUGH I HIRED YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR SPECIALIST SUBJECT KNOWLEDGE I AM GOING TO DISREGARD YOUR ADVICE BECAUSE SIMON IN ACCOUNTS JUST SHOWED ME SOMETHING COOL AND SHINY

YOU WENT THROUGH TWO MAJOR SETS OF ROADWORKS WHICH REDUCED LARGE STRETCHES OF A-ROADS TO ONE LANE AT RUSH HOUR IN YOUR TEN MILE MORNING COMMUTE ON THE EARLIEST BUS YOU CAN REALISTICALLY CATCH?

THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE 6 TIMES THIS YEAR. NEXT TIME I WILL FIRE YOU AND NOBODY WILL WANT TO HIRE YOU WHEN THEY HEAR YOU HAVE POOR PUNCTUALITY. I DON'T CARE THAT ONE OF THOSE TIMES WAS 43 SECONDS AND IT'S NEVER BEEN OVER TEN MINUTES AND THERE WAS ALWAYS A REASONABLE EXCUSE, IT STILL COUNTS AS A LATE AND IT MEANS I CAN TREAT YOU LIKE YOU CAME IN AN HOUR LATE BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO PLAY XBOX FOR LONGER.

NO, OF COURSE YOU CANNOT JUST WORK FOR LONGER AT THE END OF THE DAY WHENEVER IT HAPPENS WITHIN REASON, NO INITIATIVE ALLOWED. THE ARBITRARY PROTOCOLS SAY THIS AND THAT AND IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE ANYWAY BECAUSE WE HAVE TO FOLLOW THEM.

I mean, fucking hell. It's not like I'm on shift work behind a till, it shouldn't even matter when I start and finish. I'd do it at night time if they'd let me.

When I used to work in a foundry (IN A FACTORY! REMEMEBER THEM? BRITISH PEOPLE ACTUALLY MAKING THINGS TO SELL! HARD TO BELIEVE I KNOW) The office seemed like an unreachable wonderland. Just sitting about all day in a clean quiet envitronment sipping in comfy chairs with no actual physical labour. No constant clanging of metal together in extreme heat, repetetive heavy labour and going home black faced like a fucking coal miner every day. Cannily I managed to use their training budget to get an A level at evening classes for free on a one year course and then fucked off to uni as a mature student with my shiny new A grade in English lit before they shut the place down and fucked off to China.

During the summer breaks a succession of temping at offices began and suddenly my days of banging bits of metal together seemed like halcyon days of employment in comparison. The sour faced 100 yard stares of the 50+ accounts workers who had spent the last 30 years banging at a calculator slowly waiting for retirement, pension and then death. Staring at the same fucking faces saying the same shit everyday, the pointless un-eneding paperwork and form filling, the already mentioned pointless bickering about parking spaces, the fucking awful tasting tea and coffee machines and the accompanying mini rows about whose turn it was to get the teas/coffees/hot choclolates from the machine. Everyone getting excited if they were bringing in a buffet for some pointless meeting full off bullshit management doublespeak, flow charts and stupid acronyms purely because of the chance of a free sausage roll or whatever.

The only brightside at one of my office jobs was the Gareth character, his constant wearing of WWF wrestling t-shirts on dress down Friday was always a great sense of amusement, as well as dialling his extention number on all the fax machines in the office, putting them on repeat and then watching him exploding with rage after the 50th call of fax whining noise. Also he had a hideous whale like girlfriend who worked there and the building suffered from sick building syndrome or whatever it's called and the nice Indian lady who worked in our group got stuck in the lift with them for half an hour while he not so discretely started fingering her while they waited for the lift to be fixed much to our mirth and merriment and her disgust. Also to break the monotony we'd engage in pranks on our friends in the office by smearing the earpiece of their phone on the stamp ink or margarine whilst they were away from their desk and then ring them up and hang up after a few minutes or dismantle their mouse and stick it to the desk.

Whilst I was at uni i got a part time job working at a pub and for the first time in my life actually started enjoying going to work and have worked in 'the pub game' as we like to call it ever since. Sure I have plenty of gripes and annoyances about the work, but I do on the whole enjoy my work and the main gripe I have really is working in social/working mens clubs and the utter morons who usuallly end up on t'committee. Pubs wise as well as long as your not working in wetherspoons or some chain like that (might as well be working at McDonalds) The worst thing you have to do is dealling with the chavs, drunken morons or facing up to wannabe 'gangster' types who think they run the fucking place and identifying and chucking out any pikeys when they start chancing their arm and try coming in, but that is pretty easy if you have the physical presence and bollocks to stand up to them.

Secret santa.

Whoever decided it was a good idea should be shot.

>>2524

Just get something passive-aggressive like a dieting book.

>>2525
So far I'm torn between a supercar calendar and whisky stones.

Whatever I get will be shit, but it beats the shit on http://www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/christmas-gifts/christmas-gifts-for-men.html?gclid=CO_b3Yrc66wCFWEntAod2kMQ9A

>>2526

I can tell before even clicking that the gift ideas will be monumentally retarded.

If someone gave me a choice, I'd ask for a new hard drive for my computer.

>>2526

Actually that site does have some decent stuff at good prices.

I just found myself a slanket for wanking reading in during the long cold winter nights, and it cost less than just about anywhere else I've seen them.

>>2526
If it's anonymous, get something utterly retarded, such that while the receiver gets fuck all, everyone else benefits from a good laugh. Bonus if they're emotionally unstable and start crying.

Past Ideas used:
-2 cans of Thomas the tank engine spaghetti shapes.(crying bonus)
-A cardboard box filled with baked beans for the arrogant cunt who thought everyone loved him.

>>2529

>-2 cans of Thomas the tank engine spaghetti shapes.(crying bonus)

Someone cried at that? Explain.

>>2524
Mate of mine tells me that where he works they've put a stop to it this year. Instead, they're clubbing together to buy presents for a charity that gives them out to poor kids.

I've had a word with a few people at work and they've suggested that I get him either a bottle of port or something Porsche related as he's obsessed with them.

I don't even know why I'm worried about it so much; I'm not that keen on the recipient and I'm probably going to receive a Topman gift voucher or an FCUK bodyspray gift set.

>>2524

Pff. Just go to the shops, spend a fiver on sweets, and wrap it up so it's shaped like a stocking. 's what I did

>>2540
>Topman gift voucher or an FCUK bodyspray gift

Every fucking Christmas.
Every fucking young man in Britain.

Every fucking time.

>>2550
Lynx or Adidas sets for me.

>>2551
I received this last year, but that's because my girlfriend's dad is incredibly tight and spotted them for about £1.50 at a market.

>>2552
I think I remember you posting this as your entry in last years .gs' "Who got the shittest Christmas present" thread

>>2552
I've given that to an Uncle this year.

The hyperactive guy who's just soooo lolrandom funny that he can't help but tell everyone in the vicinity whatever mental detritus wanders in. "(Typical moan about typical day, sarcasm), ah, it's great here isn't it? Hahahah". Every. Fucking. Day.

You are not funny. I could ignore your mind-numbing prattling but after three hours of it, in an afternoon where I am trying to fix the work you never do, and when I really don't need to be reminded where I am, you are reminding me where I am. Stop bobbing your knee, you fucking spastic.

HNGGG. Multiple versions of this. Why me.

>>2552

Ha, they're in Poundland.

>>2597

This is basically me. Sorry lad, I'm just really lonely and haven't had friends for the longest time.

>>2601
I doubt you're the same, because I'm sure they wouldn't have recognised it if I'd shoved that post in their face.

Anyway look, I'm not some aspie where every verbal exchange needs to be factual and concise or it's a terrible burden - I don't mind a natter, honest. But when I'm staring intently at a screen and have pointedly and abruptly shut down the previous fifteen inane conversations with increasingly blunt answers I expect the hint to be taken. But no, fucking Zebedee and his knee are making my monitor shake and he's there singing gibberish to himself and announcing to the world what he's doing in a step by step fashion. God, just shut up. We don't all have to sit in silence, but not all thoughts need to be verbalised either.

Am I coming across as a curmudgeonly cunt? Because it certainly feels that way.

>>2602

Oh. This isn't me after all, then. I know somebody like this though. He's called Mike. He has bad breath and has no concept of personal space and frequently gets too close for comfort.

I used to work in an elderly persons home. I found it really hard to cope with the constant bitching and polotics that would go on behind everyones back. I didnt befriend any particular group and would float around somewhat independently, hearing from everyone about how much the other staff suck and what they've done recently thats pissed others off and all that bollocks. Piggy in the middle, really. I was very uncomfortable for the 2 years i was there and as a method of coping i made a route and routine that i tried to stick to, constantly on the move so i wouldnt have to engage my coworkers, most of the time ending up in the kitchen where i would wash my hands every time. It soon spread like wildfire that i spent far too much time in the kitchen and "he doesnt stop eating, does he?". A lot of the time i'd walk in on them talking about me and in my infinite youthful wisdom would just let it pass. Fucking bitches.

The majority of the other carers all used the wrong lifts to aid the residents, argue with them and basically seem to make it as horrible as possible experience for them without actually violating them. Then they would talk about me behind my back complaining that i sit and talk with the residents too much or too little, i dont do any work etc when im doing exactly what im hired for, to improve the quality of life of these old people.

>>2625
>I used to work in an elderly persons home.
I know of a girl who did the same. She had to stick her hand up someone's arse to help a poo come out and an old woman asked her to shave her fanny for her.

>>2625
>>2626

Fucks sake if I ever get stuck into one of those I am going to slap somebody with my ape-like fists.

>>2617
I knew a Mike from work. Nice lad. Problem is he always spoke about video games. I like video games. I've been playing video games for the majority of my life. It's my favourite thing in life. I just didn't like how he kept talking about them when I'm doing work. However he got sacked for sitting around and doing nothing. To be honest I miss him.

I suppose the girl at work I keep trying to talk to thinks I'm annoying. My social skills are rubbish and I will tend to blurt out things rather than have a normal conversation where you move from topic to topic in a smooth flow.

>>2636

My mike talked about Magic: The Gathering instead of video games.

>>2550 >>2551
The secret santa box was shaped like a Lynx gift set, but fortunately it turned out to be a few bottles of Erdinger and a pint glass.

My brother received two large 'best pub joke ever' books from his secret santa, so it could have been a lot worse.

>>2640
A tenner in a box for me.

>>1795
Bosses / co workers who want you to do things their way NOT because their way is more optimal but just to suit their ego, even if lets slower/less ecomonical.

>>2667
There are times when doing things a bit differently is a good idea, and then there are times when it's a really, really bad idea. Predictably, most people with the "boss" mindset don't know one from the other.

>>2529

For the Secret Santa I had in a class in school one year (thankfully the only fucking Secret Santa I have ever had to take part in) I got my person a pencil which I then wrapped in some wrapping paper.

Working in retail has taught me customers are arseholes. Particularly when I'm putting stock out. They don't even see you. I observed some customers and they will happily move out the way of other customers but not staff. I dislike the ones who don't put stock back where it was. I'm not expecting them to put it in the same exact spot but when I see a book in the middle of the floor I wonder whether they're doing it on purpose. If you're one of those people who will treat me like another human and move when I'm carrying a stack of heavy encyclopaedias then thank you.

Also children. I've almost knee'd some of them because I didn't see them running across the shop floor right in front of me.

>>2674
>I dislike the ones who don't put stock back where it was.
When I was having my Tesco induction I'd spent a short while replenishing the yoghurt shelves when a monstrous blob of a woman bounded in, clumsily bundled most of the yoghurt pots into the middle of the aisle with her huge sausage fingers, picked up some that had a slightly longer (by a couple of days) best before date and fucked off.

I'd say I'm surprised that they didn't sack me for calling her a fat cow, but I used to work with a Portuguese fellow whom would regularly walk around the shop floor chanting 'fuck Tesco!' with one arm aloft and he was never in trouble for it.

I always make it a point to take the day off on my birthday. Surely I can't be alone?
Thank fuck it lands on a Saturday this year. Might just have the Friday off to be sure.

Primark...

There seems to be two schools of thought when customers decide they don't want the previously folded item they're currently holding. There are unashamed droppers and conscientious folders. Conscientious folders are the more tedious because you have to dredge up some plastic gratitude when they "thought I'd fold it up and save you a job". 15 seconds later you'll have to redo it properly, but bless them. At least with unashamed droppers we know where we stand; there are no feelings at stake and so long as the store is somewhat messy they're helping to keep me in a job.

Surprisingly hard to find something to moan about with Primark though. Average pay for a retail monkey, reliable employer, and even the clientele are more agreeable than I'd anticipated.

I may have diverged from the point of this thread, so here's a general annoyance: "it's just not good enough". The go-to refrain of a shitty argument with a low level supervisor.
None of your item in stock ---> "it's just not good enough is it?"
No extra large carrier bags left ---> "it's just not good enough is it?"
Soiled underwear can't be returned ---> "IJNGEII?"
I'm afraid we don't take American Express ---> "IJNGEII?"
Sorry, for refunds you need to go to customer services---> "IJNGEII?"
We can't trade on a Sunday till 11am due to the Sunday Trading Act 1994 ---> "No, that's not on, you're going to have to serve me now".

I work as an intermediary.

Thing breaks, user tells me it's broke, I tell the developers that it needs fixed.

In this relationship, I am the lowest member. I will get shit from the customer because THING IS BROKE and that I should FIX IT FASTER even though I can't fix it. I get shit from the developers because THE REPORT ISN'T IN THE CORRECT FORMAT because there isn't enough info from the user to put it in the CORRECT FORMAT because all the information they have supplied is THING IS BROKE.

>>2677
That post...

It's just not good enough is it.

>>2683

Also bonus of the THING BREAKING a lot because the developers don't know what they are doing.

>>2677

>There seems to be two schools of thought when customers decide they don't want the previously folded item they're currently holding. There are unashamed droppers and conscientious folders.

I found that the droppers came in two formats: floor droppers and desk droppers. I preferred desk droppers. You are supposed to just refold floored clothes unless they are fucked up but I always folded them anyway.

God, fuck Primark. It was 4 weeks of wandering around looking for the specific place to put some dress and always getting caught dumping it by the same east asian girl who was pretty fit but clearly thought I was a twat because I appeared to always be dumping the clothes. And then I'd get yelled at for taking too long even though the night team changed the layout every fucking day so I never knew where anything was. And they didn't turn on the heating until the shop opened at 11 on the sunday so I was in a thin black shirt in -4 degree temperature... they wouldn't even let us wear the fleeces that the people in the back got.

HELLO. I AM A RESTAURANT CUSTOMER.

I am sending this plaice back because it has bones in it. Somehow this has surprised me, even though fifteen minutes ago the waitress told me twice it was served on the bone. When you carefully salvage what boneless meat you can I will then complain to a manager about how I don't think there's enough meat on my plate. I will then get a huge discount and a free dessert, after which I will go home and post a review on yelp complaining about the portion sizes.

Also, next time I visit I will pick something from your prix fixe menu, for example, the hamburger, because I have no imagination, and then I will ask to substitute half of the dish with a la carte items. I will become indignant when you do not allow me to swap chips for a pavé steak at no additional cost.

TL;DR - customers who don't listen and can't read.

>>2692
I always think it's nicely chilly on a Sunday prior to opening. Then the thousands of fucking customers come in saying "ohhhh it's bloody hot in here, can't wait to get out", it's you people that are making the hot, stop perspiring so much.

>clearly thought I was a twat because I appeared to always be dumping the clothes.
I work on menswear so don't often have to venture down into the cesspit of humanity they like to call 'womenswear', but it's always hellish, I can empathise. I got caught recently trying to dump a load of returns, but I think the supervisor genuinely thought I was too retarded to distinguish between a black dress and a black dress with polka-dots; got let off with a friendly warning.

Also: fucking onesies...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSlzdtsBpO4

My uni has a job offer doing tele-begging for donations from alumni. +20% better pay and better hours, but I think I'd miss Primark :/. Anyone done the charity tele-sales thing? Is it as shit as one imagines?

>>2692
>And they didn't turn on the heating until the shop opened at 11 on the sunday so I was in a thin black shirt in -4 degree temperature...

There are laws against this thing, crossdresserlad.

>>2705

>I always think it's nicely chilly on a Sunday prior to opening

This was back in Early 2011 though, when all that snow came down. They also cancelled the buses so I had to walk about 2 miles to get to the nearest bus stop to actually get in. Wasn't worth it, not even for the £7 an hour or whatever it was they were paying.

Speaking of cold work environments my place (shop) has this too.

Apparently head office get awfully cross if you leave the front door closed even if it's freezing or it's windy. This is only a little store too. Every person I speak to always says there's something wrong with their head office. It's like all the head offices/headquarters don't have a clue about reality.

>>2716

They have a clue all right, it's simply that in their view the likes of you are serfs who ought to gratefully freeze for your minimum wage.

>>2722
>it's simply that in their view the likes of you are serfs
This.
When I used to work in M&S, the most idiotic "well it's just not good enough is it" was from a mare who apparently worked in the M&S head office. She came storming to the front of a 10 person queue shouting about how there shouldn't be such a lengthy queue in an M&S store. "...and why on earth are you the only person serving on these tills?" :/

If you can't work out that that shouting at staff isn't appropriate in-front of customers, and that this is a conversation to have with a manager, not a 17 year old till assistant; do you really have the mental faculties for a head-office job? She then wanted to be served first because she was 'busy' and got out her staff discount card.

Equally as stupid was when they used to send down head office people to do till work at peak times. Obviously their perspective was that this is easy grunt work, so they'd speed through it, get stressed, forget to do something like give change, and take twice as long.

Educated fools.

>>2724
>She then wanted to be served first because she was 'busy' and got out her staff discount card.
Up to this point, typical frustrating I'm-the-boss shit, but that really is a fucking joke. What aggravates me the most about this is that I bet in her mind she was completely justified in queue-jumping, because in her mind everyone else is "little people". It smacks of that particular brand of self-important horse-faced bitch that we've all had to deal with at some time or another.

I'm not having a dig at women, incidentally, men do it too (just with haughty indignation rather than nasal contempt).

>>2727

I've found that the mentality you identify is not the preserve of management - indeed, self-employed people and freelancers are among the biggest divas, while those "lifestyle coaches" and "social media consultants" and other people with faintly intangible professions are the most likely to sneer at people with, y'know, real lives and real jobs.

The problem with all head offices is that they see things in terms of profit, figures, research, initiatives, units etc etc. They make little allowance for the humanity of their staff, or for variations between different branches and their surrounding areas and populations. When this shortcoming is highlighted, they see it as an indication that they need MORE INFORMATION, MORE SCRUTINY, more fucking hot air being blown about, more directives, guidelines, incentives, appraisals, audits, inspections, feedback and and other horse shit, when all that's really needed is to TRUST the lower-level employees to make the customers happy. Let staff have some degree of autonomy, let them give the people what they want, the way they want it, and forget all the fine print of company policy. So long as the big picture remains intact that can only be a good thing. A lot of the time, things get too specific, too fine a point on everything because some paper-shuffler has to justify their existence.

I work for a popular London pub chain. my big gripe is that there's no challenge in the work, no prospects. I'm pretty certain I could manage an entire pub by now, given the correct information, but I've not been trained in ANYTHING at all. I've not even been certified as being able to pull a decent pint of bitter. I know how to change beer barrels, but I'm not permitted to do it because I haven't done a fucking course in cellar management or whatever it is. And the biggest pisstake? No bonuses or overtime ever. I worked christmas eve, christmas day and boxing day for £6.08 an hour. Minimum wage. The smallest amount of money they could legally pay me. Cunts. I mean why don't we do away with this half-assed insult of a wage and I'll just bend over and they can fuck me up the arse properly? MERRY CHRISTMAS.

There are some great things about it, it's not all complaints, but it wouldn't take much to make it really fantastic job, and that makes it all the more frustrating that it isn't. Considering the company has seen recent growth and expansion taking on new pubs, you'd think they might have the odd copper lying about to sling to the bar-monkeys for being the face of their company and actually taking in the millions of pounds they made over the festive season. The front-line staff are more important than anyone else in the company. Without people like me, they wouldn't sell a single pint, we make the business actually happen - and yet whenever anyone from head office visits we're barely glanced at, let alone asked our opinions or even our names. We're not even deemed intelligent enough to be responsible for our own mistakes - if we fuck up, it's the assistant managers fault, and if he fucks up it's the manager's fault, it's bollocks.

sorry this is so bloody long

>>2693
People like that should be tied to a chair and have their teeth chipped out with a blunt chisel.

>>2724
Oh yeah that's true, I remember saying hello to a young bloke in a shirt and tie from head office putting out the fruit salads in the run-up to Christmas. As I was relatively new I asked him a question and he said he didn't have a clue either. At least he seemed to admit he was in over his head though.