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>> No. 1795 Anonymous
27th May 2011
Friday 6:32 pm
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ITT: Workplace annoyances.

I'll get the ball rolling - having to bring in pastries on your birthday. I know it's cheaper if people bring their own in on their birthday instead of chipping in every time someone in the office has a birthday, but it's still fucking annoying having to fork out on your birthday.
Expand all images.
>> No. 1796 Anonymous
27th May 2011
Friday 11:16 pm
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That totally invalidates the point of the pastries. The person whos birthday it is is supposed to get a free pastry because it's their birthday. Whoever heard of buying other people presents on your birthday?
>> No. 1797 Anonymous
27th May 2011
Friday 11:33 pm
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It's happened in all four offices I've worked in and, as far as I'm aware, it's the norm in the majority of offices in the country.
>> No. 1798 Anonymous
27th May 2011
Friday 11:47 pm
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Is that a potted prickly pear? Next to a desk without a computer?
>> No. 1801 Anonymous
28th May 2011
Saturday 4:41 pm
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I don't even celebrate my birthday.
>> No. 1802 Anonymous
29th May 2011
Sunday 3:28 am
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I haven't actually worked in an office but I've never heard of this. I'm not fucking buying cakes for my colleagues on my birthday.
>> No. 1803 Anonymous
29th May 2011
Sunday 8:30 am
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This thread makes me very happy I no longer work in a conventional sense and I will hopefully never work in a corporate office ever again.

Some of the things that pissed me off.

Company presentations where the whole fucking company gets to sit through presentations on how we are doing financially and so on. Sure having an idea of how the magazine you work on/run is doing is important, but I don't give a shit if Farmers Weekly is raking it in or closing down.

Training. Time and money wasted so some theorist can fuck about making Captain Obvious type observations that mean little in the real world.

Diversity training. I understand that calling black colleagues Sambo and asking if the gay guy in marketing caught hiv at the weekend isn't really on and is likely to get me pucnhed. However I don't need a three day seminar to understand this.

Expenses. Really, taking clients out of dinner and drinks is something we are supposed to do whilst not getting them too many drinks?

The TA guy. For whatever reason every office I've worked in has had either a current or former TA member in it. They have always been cocksuckers of a high level, who for whatever reason have to mention that they are/were in the TA at any moment, even if this means comparing the shitty coffee in the kitchen to something made in the field.

Overtly flirty team secretaries. These can be fun, but if they think being flirty and attractive makes up for incompetence it becomes a nightmare.

Team drinks etc. Friday after works drinks can be ok, but when you have "forced" team drinks it never really works out that well. Inevitably there will be disagreements about where to go and then when people have had a few the fun really starts. One of the girls will have had an argument with her bf and start to cry, TA man will be wanting to fight someone and before you know it a perfectly decent evening is a pile of failure and you're on the last train back to Croydon with autistic Michael from accounts who drunkenly confesses to having been molested as a kid/wanking in the toilets at work/owning a mask of shame.

The office comedian. The guy who spends half the working day sending unfunny virals around, heckles already cringeworthy presentations of any kind and does things like push all the buttons in the lift when you are showing clients to a meeting. Inevitably this guy will have some key knowledge or be in a special position which means at some point your job will depend on him.
>> No. 1805 Anonymous
29th May 2011
Sunday 7:17 pm
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I can't work out if this is meant to be a nod to The Office or not.

Anyway, I bloody love training. If I had the choice between a week's training and a week doing my proper job I'd go for the training without a second thought, easy money.
>> No. 1806 Anonymous
29th May 2011
Sunday 9:15 pm
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>Farmers Weekly
>Reed Business

I like your offices very much, but you overdo the security. What mag did you work for and why did you quit?
>> No. 1807 Anonymous
29th May 2011
Sunday 10:14 pm
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>The office comedian. The guy who spends half the working day sending unfunny virals around, heckles already cringeworthy presentations of any kind and does things like push all the buttons in the lift when you are showing clients to a meeting. Inevitably this guy will have some key knowledge or be in a special position which means at some point your job will depend on him.

I aspire to be this man.
>> No. 1808 Anonymous
29th May 2011
Sunday 10:48 pm
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What do you mean by TA?
>> No. 1809 Anonymous
29th May 2011
Sunday 10:49 pm
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The majority of offices I've worked in has had some weird manchild in their 40's.

#1 looked and sounded lot like Reece Shearsmith, but more orange and with very long eyelashes. He used to leave for work at 5am so he could get his favourite parking space on the street, despite not starting for another 2 hours. He'd be in a bit of a mood if someone else was parked there, apparently a few other people used to get there ridiculously early to get the best spots on that street. He used to tidy his house constantly because his mum would come around every week and inspect it for dust, he also didn't have an oven because if he ever got married he was going to leave it up to her to pick one she liked. It's hard to explain him, but he was really fucking odd, hilarious though.

#2 seemed to constantly wear sweaters that looked like antique rugs. He also had similar hair and glasses to the man in the cunt destroyer image, but had a hint of Mr. Bean about him. He was completely pathetic, but he had a few women in their 50's/60's who used to mother him all the time.

#3 was absolutely obsessed with Top Gear. He'd spend most of his time talking about it, or shows along he lines of Ice Road Truckers and that series that was recently on Five about the Royal Navy. The office was predominantly middle-aged women who knew fuck all about computers, so they revered him like a God for just knowing the basics. He lived with his parents, so he'd buy a brand new BMW every couple of years and spend his spare time driving that around and wanking over it.
>> No. 1810 Anonymous
29th May 2011
Sunday 10:51 pm
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Territorial Army.
>> No. 1811 Anonymous
29th May 2011
Sunday 11:47 pm
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What you said in >>1803 sounds just like Gareth, do you think they based him off of this apparent stereotype?
>> No. 1812 Anonymous
30th May 2011
Monday 3:54 pm
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I'll assume everyone's been on those forced team bonding weekends where you go to a rapey serial killer looking woods and do activities?

I could have spent that weekend with a curry, a few boxsets, video games and internet pornography but ended up with blood sweat and tears, some people were all three. It just ended with us all hating each other for a few weeks.
>> No. 1813 Anonymous
30th May 2011
Monday 11:07 pm
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I've been working in a new job for the psat 6 months or so and unlike my prior jobs it is very heavily office based. I just do everything possible to get out of the office, this includes site inspections, going to pick stuff up/place orders in stores or just plain hiding in the bog, using my phone to browse the net. My problem is I have a short attention span as it is, so me having a job where I'm sat in front of a computer for 8 hours a day leads to me just staring at the wall or playing solitaire far too much.

The fact that I joined the company shortly after being taken over by new management, means I fall on the side of being the new bloke where there's very much a divide between the new management and the old guard. It doesn't help that the way the office is split up I am sat with all the new management with the old guys on the other side. There's just been so many petty arguments its ridiculous.

On the plus side I have been praised after my first bi-annual assessment for my hands on approach. I daren't tell them that the only reason for this is because I hate sitting in the fucking office and its bollocks politics.
>> No. 1815 Anonymous
31st May 2011
Tuesday 4:02 am
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>What mag did you work for and why did you quit?

I worked on a number of titles and I left because I was offered a part in the Murdoch empire. This was all a very long time ago though.
>> No. 1816 Anonymous
31st May 2011
Tuesday 4:21 pm
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You sound like you're living a very similar life to me in that aspect.
>> No. 1817 Anonymous
31st May 2011
Tuesday 6:28 pm
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>just plain hiding in the bog, using my phone to browse the net.
I used to do this all the time in my old job; not because it was especially bad, but because it was in the public sector and you could get away with dicking around for half the working day (and I'd still get my work done faster than most of my team). I don't think there was any accountability whatsoever in that job, partially because nobody really seemed to know what someone else was meant to be doing. Fortunately, there were no office politics, but the endless use of 'matey', 'banter' and 'hang fire' drove me up the wall.

The shitters in my current job are a disgrace and not worth wasting time in.
>> No. 1822 Anonymous
2nd June 2011
Thursday 2:53 pm
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I've not long gotten out of a 2 and a half hour long meeting. Which was such a fucking waste of time, nothing of any worth was said or done. I've not even had my lunch yeat, so i'm fucking off out to go and sit in the park or possibly a beer garden for the rest of the day. I'll head back to the office for 4.30 to clock out.
>> No. 1836 Anonymous
6th June 2011
Monday 6:46 pm
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I wish I had an office comedian. Instead I have a man in his late 40's who wants to show how he's down with the kids by constantly name-dropping the likes of The Wombats and Mumford & Sons.

I'd trade that for the office comedian any day. I don't think I've met anyone that has mentioned liking The Wombats that isn't an absolute cunt.
>> No. 1839 Anonymous
7th June 2011
Tuesday 2:42 pm
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He reminds me horribly of one of my parents friends and neighbours when I was in my late teens/early twenties. He was a media prick and would constantly try to be cool by talking about Supergrass, The Boo Radleys and whatever other Britpop rising stars were around at the time.

This was particularly tricky as I had just left the army and was trying to get my first job in meeja and this guy was, according to my mums theory, the best way in.
>> No. 1845 Anonymous
12th June 2011
Sunday 3:01 pm
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I went on one of these a few weeks ago. It was made slightly different by the fact it was in Eastern Europe and a large man called Olav said I was very good at shooting.

Was pretty good fun actually, even if I lost my bank holiday weekend and therefore my birthday, but it's a fairly new job and I still have enthusiasm for it. I'm sure it'll be different this time next year.
>> No. 1944 Anonymous
10th July 2011
Sunday 11:31 pm
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That one CRAZY female worker. You know the one. She works in accounts or human resources, she's a bit overweight, and the first thing she says when introducing herself is "Don't mind me, I'm just a bit KER-AZY". Her CRAZINESS involves liking cute animals, and talking about how CRAZY she is, because if you say you express a particular trait often enough it apparently manifests itself as something approximating a personality. They always love Nandos too.
>> No. 1945 Anonymous
11th July 2011
Monday 12:10 am
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>> No. 1951 Anonymous
11th July 2011
Monday 5:16 pm
1951 spacer
I know this type. Speaks way too loud because that's the only way this fat ugly bitch is getting attention.
>> No. 1953 Anonymous
11th July 2011
Monday 7:45 pm
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Fat people are always so full
of themselves.

Mine's football talk.
>> No. 1985 Anonymous
20th July 2011
Wednesday 3:26 pm
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I ended up getting stuck working with the office bore today on a project. 8 hours stuck with a middle aged man who kept going on about trains, with all the computer savvy of a mentally handicapped chimp does not make the day go quickly.
>> No. 1986 Anonymous
20th July 2011
Wednesday 6:02 pm
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Just wait until you have to spend the day with a man who hasn't got over his wife leaving him. Two years ago.
>> No. 1990 Anonymous
21st July 2011
Thursday 3:53 pm
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Being stuck with a middle aged man who is obsessed with trains and still lives with his mother is just as bad if not worse. He is a fucking luddite who i'm suprised still works there after the introduction of PCs in the work place during the 90s.
>> No. 2020 Anonymous
27th July 2011
Wednesday 1:05 pm
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Don't be hating on trains man.
>> No. 2026 Anonymous
30th July 2011
Saturday 2:28 pm
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>Fat people are always so full
of themselves.
>> No. 2028 Anonymous
30th July 2011
Saturday 3:34 pm
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And also food.
>> No. 2365 Anonymous
8th November 2011
Tuesday 10:04 pm
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>> No. 2382 Anonymous
14th November 2011
Monday 9:14 pm
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>> No. 2383 Anonymous
15th November 2011
Tuesday 11:05 am
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Post divorce lads in their 40's and even 50's are far worse.
>> No. 2384 Anonymous
15th November 2011
Tuesday 11:20 am
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They are always hilarious. They never seem to understand why it happened, why oh why did she run off with a mobile-phone salesmen 15 years younger, but then you spend an hour listening to them droning on and think nothing but GO ON GIRL.

I'd echo the hate of pointless training. This Friday I must attend "corruption and bribery" training. Apparently, it's kind of bad if I take money off suppliers and shit. FML.
>> No. 2385 Anonymous
15th November 2011
Tuesday 4:01 pm
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Come work for me bruv.
Take em for all they're worth.

>> No. 2386 Anonymous
16th November 2011
Wednesday 7:35 am
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Reminded me of this.
>> No. 2387 Anonymous
16th November 2011
Wednesday 11:54 am
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Thats what I was aiming for m8.
This can be our anthem.
>> No. 2388 Anonymous
17th November 2011
Thursday 12:53 am
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I work from home now (for a company), but we're all based from home and meet up in a regus every week or two). It's great for avoiding workplace bullshit.

But this thread reminds me of my old work. What a pit of agony that was. I would go a week without doing work. I would browse the internet all day. I would sometimes crack one off in the toilets.

The fat one who's a ' bit crazy' - omg yes, we had that. She was admin/accounts.

We had a smug manager too, had done everything you could ever imagine and as soon as you mentioned something he done it better. Weekend in some European city - oh yes I went there in a kayak, backwards, jumping off a mountain, blindfolded, chortle chortle chortle, I'm so special.

God just thinking about working if an office again fills me with rage. I wouldn't have patience or tolerance for it.
>> No. 2427 Anonymous
18th November 2011
Friday 7:38 pm
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Fucking invalids who don't know what they want but think I do. "What would you recommend for a 15 year old?" I don't know what music your son listens to do I? Fuck off you old slag.
>> No. 2428 Anonymous
19th November 2011
Saturday 10:49 am
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Lad, I think you need to stop being an angsty teenager. Ask what sort of music he's into and point to the relevant section, if she doesn't know point to the pop section.
>> No. 2429 Anonymous
19th November 2011
Saturday 11:07 am
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Or flog them a bloody token, make everyone happy.

Or, of course "double handed elbow deep fisting", but we've not got it in stock, try HMV.
>> No. 2430 Anonymous
19th November 2011
Saturday 12:50 pm
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A beefy poz load is what I'd recommend. I've got some right here if you point me in the right direction.
>> No. 2517 Anonymous
2nd December 2011
Friday 9:12 pm
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>> No. 2518 Anonymous
3rd December 2011
Saturday 1:07 am
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>> No. 2519 Anonymous
3rd December 2011
Saturday 1:19 am
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>> No. 2520 Anonymous
3rd December 2011
Saturday 1:59 am
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I mean, fucking hell. It's not like I'm on shift work behind a till, it shouldn't even matter when I start and finish. I'd do it at night time if they'd let me.
>> No. 2521 Anonymous
4th December 2011
Sunday 2:24 pm
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When I used to work in a foundry (IN A FACTORY! REMEMEBER THEM? BRITISH PEOPLE ACTUALLY MAKING THINGS TO SELL! HARD TO BELIEVE I KNOW) The office seemed like an unreachable wonderland. Just sitting about all day in a clean quiet envitronment sipping in comfy chairs with no actual physical labour. No constant clanging of metal together in extreme heat, repetetive heavy labour and going home black faced like a fucking coal miner every day. Cannily I managed to use their training budget to get an A level at evening classes for free on a one year course and then fucked off to uni as a mature student with my shiny new A grade in English lit before they shut the place down and fucked off to China.

During the summer breaks a succession of temping at offices began and suddenly my days of banging bits of metal together seemed like halcyon days of employment in comparison. The sour faced 100 yard stares of the 50+ accounts workers who had spent the last 30 years banging at a calculator slowly waiting for retirement, pension and then death. Staring at the same fucking faces saying the same shit everyday, the pointless un-eneding paperwork and form filling, the already mentioned pointless bickering about parking spaces, the fucking awful tasting tea and coffee machines and the accompanying mini rows about whose turn it was to get the teas/coffees/hot choclolates from the machine. Everyone getting excited if they were bringing in a buffet for some pointless meeting full off bullshit management doublespeak, flow charts and stupid acronyms purely because of the chance of a free sausage roll or whatever.

The only brightside at one of my office jobs was the Gareth character, his constant wearing of WWF wrestling t-shirts on dress down Friday was always a great sense of amusement, as well as dialling his extention number on all the fax machines in the office, putting them on repeat and then watching him exploding with rage after the 50th call of fax whining noise. Also he had a hideous whale like girlfriend who worked there and the building suffered from sick building syndrome or whatever it's called and the nice Indian lady who worked in our group got stuck in the lift with them for half an hour while he not so discretely started fingering her while they waited for the lift to be fixed much to our mirth and merriment and her disgust. Also to break the monotony we'd engage in pranks on our friends in the office by smearing the earpiece of their phone on the stamp ink or margarine whilst they were away from their desk and then ring them up and hang up after a few minutes or dismantle their mouse and stick it to the desk.

Whilst I was at uni i got a part time job working at a pub and for the first time in my life actually started enjoying going to work and have worked in 'the pub game' as we like to call it ever since. Sure I have plenty of gripes and annoyances about the work, but I do on the whole enjoy my work and the main gripe I have really is working in social/working mens clubs and the utter morons who usuallly end up on t'committee. Pubs wise as well as long as your not working in wetherspoons or some chain like that (might as well be working at McDonalds) The worst thing you have to do is dealling with the chavs, drunken morons or facing up to wannabe 'gangster' types who think they run the fucking place and identifying and chucking out any pikeys when they start chancing their arm and try coming in, but that is pretty easy if you have the physical presence and bollocks to stand up to them.
>> No. 2524 Anonymous
5th December 2011
Monday 8:15 pm
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Secret santa.

Whoever decided it was a good idea should be shot.
>> No. 2525 Anonymous
5th December 2011
Monday 8:58 pm
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Just get something passive-aggressive like a dieting book.
>> No. 2526 Anonymous
5th December 2011
Monday 9:00 pm
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So far I'm torn between a supercar calendar and whisky stones.

Whatever I get will be shit, but it beats the shit on http://www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/christmas-gifts/christmas-gifts-for-men.html?gclid=CO_b3Yrc66wCFWEntAod2kMQ9A
>> No. 2527 Anonymous
5th December 2011
Monday 9:23 pm
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I can tell before even clicking that the gift ideas will be monumentally retarded.

If someone gave me a choice, I'd ask for a new hard drive for my computer.
>> No. 2528 Anonymous
6th December 2011
Tuesday 6:37 pm
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Actually that site does have some decent stuff at good prices.

I just found myself a slanket for wanking reading in during the long cold winter nights, and it cost less than just about anywhere else I've seen them.
>> No. 2529 Anonymous
6th December 2011
Tuesday 6:55 pm
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If it's anonymous, get something utterly retarded, such that while the receiver gets fuck all, everyone else benefits from a good laugh. Bonus if they're emotionally unstable and start crying.

Past Ideas used:
-2 cans of Thomas the tank engine spaghetti shapes.(crying bonus)
-A cardboard box filled with baked beans for the arrogant cunt who thought everyone loved him.
>> No. 2533 Anonymous
7th December 2011
Wednesday 1:05 am
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>-2 cans of Thomas the tank engine spaghetti shapes.(crying bonus)

Someone cried at that? Explain.
>> No. 2538 Anonymous
7th December 2011
Wednesday 1:41 pm
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Mate of mine tells me that where he works they've put a stop to it this year. Instead, they're clubbing together to buy presents for a charity that gives them out to poor kids.
>> No. 2540 Anonymous
7th December 2011
Wednesday 8:53 pm
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I've had a word with a few people at work and they've suggested that I get him either a bottle of port or something Porsche related as he's obsessed with them.

I don't even know why I'm worried about it so much; I'm not that keen on the recipient and I'm probably going to receive a Topman gift voucher or an FCUK bodyspray gift set.
>> No. 2546 Anonymous
8th December 2011
Thursday 7:56 pm
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Pff. Just go to the shops, spend a fiver on sweets, and wrap it up so it's shaped like a stocking. 's what I did
>> No. 2550 Anonymous
9th December 2011
Friday 7:52 pm
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>Topman gift voucher or an FCUK bodyspray gift

Every fucking Christmas.
Every fucking young man in Britain.

Every fucking time.
>> No. 2551 Anonymous
9th December 2011
Friday 9:04 pm
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Lynx or Adidas sets for me.
>> No. 2552 Anonymous
9th December 2011
Friday 9:11 pm
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I received this last year, but that's because my girlfriend's dad is incredibly tight and spotted them for about £1.50 at a market.
>> No. 2553 Anonymous
9th December 2011
Friday 10:20 pm
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I think I remember you posting this as your entry in last years .gs' "Who got the shittest Christmas present" thread
>> No. 2554 Anonymous
10th December 2011
Saturday 12:08 am
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I've given that to an Uncle this year.
>> No. 2597 Anonymous
18th December 2011
Sunday 6:15 am
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The hyperactive guy who's just soooo lolrandom funny that he can't help but tell everyone in the vicinity whatever mental detritus wanders in. "(Typical moan about typical day, sarcasm), ah, it's great here isn't it? Hahahah". Every. Fucking. Day.

You are not funny. I could ignore your mind-numbing prattling but after three hours of it, in an afternoon where I am trying to fix the work you never do, and when I really don't need to be reminded where I am, you are reminding me where I am. Stop bobbing your knee, you fucking spastic.

HNGGG. Multiple versions of this. Why me.
>> No. 2600 Anonymous
18th December 2011
Sunday 9:18 pm
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Ha, they're in Poundland.
>> No. 2601 Anonymous
18th December 2011
Sunday 9:32 pm
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This is basically me. Sorry lad, I'm just really lonely and haven't had friends for the longest time.
>> No. 2602 Anonymous
19th December 2011
Monday 1:30 am
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I doubt you're the same, because I'm sure they wouldn't have recognised it if I'd shoved that post in their face.

Anyway look, I'm not some aspie where every verbal exchange needs to be factual and concise or it's a terrible burden - I don't mind a natter, honest. But when I'm staring intently at a screen and have pointedly and abruptly shut down the previous fifteen inane conversations with increasingly blunt answers I expect the hint to be taken. But no, fucking Zebedee and his knee are making my monitor shake and he's there singing gibberish to himself and announcing to the world what he's doing in a step by step fashion. God, just shut up. We don't all have to sit in silence, but not all thoughts need to be verbalised either.

Am I coming across as a curmudgeonly cunt? Because it certainly feels that way.
>> No. 2617 Anonymous
22nd December 2011
Thursday 2:17 am
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Oh. This isn't me after all, then. I know somebody like this though. He's called Mike. He has bad breath and has no concept of personal space and frequently gets too close for comfort.
>> No. 2625 Anonymous
22nd December 2011
Thursday 6:36 pm
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I used to work in an elderly persons home. I found it really hard to cope with the constant bitching and polotics that would go on behind everyones back. I didnt befriend any particular group and would float around somewhat independently, hearing from everyone about how much the other staff suck and what they've done recently thats pissed others off and all that bollocks. Piggy in the middle, really. I was very uncomfortable for the 2 years i was there and as a method of coping i made a route and routine that i tried to stick to, constantly on the move so i wouldnt have to engage my coworkers, most of the time ending up in the kitchen where i would wash my hands every time. It soon spread like wildfire that i spent far too much time in the kitchen and "he doesnt stop eating, does he?". A lot of the time i'd walk in on them talking about me and in my infinite youthful wisdom would just let it pass. Fucking bitches.

The majority of the other carers all used the wrong lifts to aid the residents, argue with them and basically seem to make it as horrible as possible experience for them without actually violating them. Then they would talk about me behind my back complaining that i sit and talk with the residents too much or too little, i dont do any work etc when im doing exactly what im hired for, to improve the quality of life of these old people.
>> No. 2626 Anonymous
22nd December 2011
Thursday 6:43 pm
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>I used to work in an elderly persons home.
I know of a girl who did the same. She had to stick her hand up someone's arse to help a poo come out and an old woman asked her to shave her fanny for her.
>> No. 2630 Anonymous
23rd December 2011
Friday 12:58 am
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Fucks sake if I ever get stuck into one of those I am going to slap somebody with my ape-like fists.
>> No. 2636 Anonymous
23rd December 2011
Friday 5:11 pm
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I knew a Mike from work. Nice lad. Problem is he always spoke about video games. I like video games. I've been playing video games for the majority of my life. It's my favourite thing in life. I just didn't like how he kept talking about them when I'm doing work. However he got sacked for sitting around and doing nothing. To be honest I miss him.

I suppose the girl at work I keep trying to talk to thinks I'm annoying. My social skills are rubbish and I will tend to blurt out things rather than have a normal conversation where you move from topic to topic in a smooth flow.
>> No. 2639 Anonymous
25th December 2011
Sunday 2:13 am
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My mike talked about Magic: The Gathering instead of video games.
>> No. 2640 Anonymous
25th December 2011
Sunday 10:49 pm
2640 spacer
>>2550 >>2551
The secret santa box was shaped like a Lynx gift set, but fortunately it turned out to be a few bottles of Erdinger and a pint glass.

My brother received two large 'best pub joke ever' books from his secret santa, so it could have been a lot worse.
>> No. 2644 Anonymous
27th December 2011
Tuesday 1:14 am
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A tenner in a box for me.
>> No. 2667 Anonymous
11th January 2012
Wednesday 2:44 am
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Bosses / co workers who want you to do things their way NOT because their way is more optimal but just to suit their ego, even if lets slower/less ecomonical.
>> No. 2668 Anonymous
11th January 2012
Wednesday 8:21 pm
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There are times when doing things a bit differently is a good idea, and then there are times when it's a really, really bad idea. Predictably, most people with the "boss" mindset don't know one from the other.
>> No. 2669 Anonymous
11th January 2012
Wednesday 10:53 pm
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For the Secret Santa I had in a class in school one year (thankfully the only fucking Secret Santa I have ever had to take part in) I got my person a pencil which I then wrapped in some wrapping paper.
>> No. 2674 Anonymous
15th January 2012
Sunday 12:06 am
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Working in retail has taught me customers are arseholes. Particularly when I'm putting stock out. They don't even see you. I observed some customers and they will happily move out the way of other customers but not staff. I dislike the ones who don't put stock back where it was. I'm not expecting them to put it in the same exact spot but when I see a book in the middle of the floor I wonder whether they're doing it on purpose. If you're one of those people who will treat me like another human and move when I'm carrying a stack of heavy encyclopaedias then thank you.

Also children. I've almost knee'd some of them because I didn't see them running across the shop floor right in front of me.
>> No. 2675 Anonymous
15th January 2012
Sunday 6:14 pm
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>I dislike the ones who don't put stock back where it was.
When I was having my Tesco induction I'd spent a short while replenishing the yoghurt shelves when a monstrous blob of a woman bounded in, clumsily bundled most of the yoghurt pots into the middle of the aisle with her huge sausage fingers, picked up some that had a slightly longer (by a couple of days) best before date and fucked off.

I'd say I'm surprised that they didn't sack me for calling her a fat cow, but I used to work with a Portuguese fellow whom would regularly walk around the shop floor chanting 'fuck Tesco!' with one arm aloft and he was never in trouble for it.
>> No. 2676 Anonymous
15th January 2012
Sunday 9:06 pm
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I always make it a point to take the day off on my birthday. Surely I can't be alone?
Thank fuck it lands on a Saturday this year. Might just have the Friday off to be sure.
>> No. 2677 Anonymous
16th January 2012
Monday 7:15 am
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There seems to be two schools of thought when customers decide they don't want the previously folded item they're currently holding. There are unashamed droppers and conscientious folders. Conscientious folders are the more tedious because you have to dredge up some plastic gratitude when they "thought I'd fold it up and save you a job". 15 seconds later you'll have to redo it properly, but bless them. At least with unashamed droppers we know where we stand; there are no feelings at stake and so long as the store is somewhat messy they're helping to keep me in a job.

Surprisingly hard to find something to moan about with Primark though. Average pay for a retail monkey, reliable employer, and even the clientele are more agreeable than I'd anticipated.

I may have diverged from the point of this thread, so here's a general annoyance: "it's just not good enough". The go-to refrain of a shitty argument with a low level supervisor.
None of your item in stock ---> "it's just not good enough is it?"
No extra large carrier bags left ---> "it's just not good enough is it?"
Soiled underwear can't be returned ---> "IJNGEII?"
I'm afraid we don't take American Express ---> "IJNGEII?"
Sorry, for refunds you need to go to customer services---> "IJNGEII?"
We can't trade on a Sunday till 11am due to the Sunday Trading Act 1994 ---> "No, that's not on, you're going to have to serve me now".
>> No. 2683 Anonymous
18th January 2012
Wednesday 7:29 pm
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I work as an intermediary.

Thing breaks, user tells me it's broke, I tell the developers that it needs fixed.

In this relationship, I am the lowest member. I will get shit from the customer because THING IS BROKE and that I should FIX IT FASTER even though I can't fix it. I get shit from the developers because THE REPORT ISN'T IN THE CORRECT FORMAT because there isn't enough info from the user to put it in the CORRECT FORMAT because all the information they have supplied is THING IS BROKE.
>> No. 2684 Anonymous
18th January 2012
Wednesday 7:30 pm
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That post...

It's just not good enough is it.
>> No. 2685 Anonymous
18th January 2012
Wednesday 7:40 pm
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Also bonus of the THING BREAKING a lot because the developers don't know what they are doing.
>> No. 2692 Anonymous
20th January 2012
Friday 11:29 am
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>There seems to be two schools of thought when customers decide they don't want the previously folded item they're currently holding. There are unashamed droppers and conscientious folders.

I found that the droppers came in two formats: floor droppers and desk droppers. I preferred desk droppers. You are supposed to just refold floored clothes unless they are fucked up but I always folded them anyway.

God, fuck Primark. It was 4 weeks of wandering around looking for the specific place to put some dress and always getting caught dumping it by the same east asian girl who was pretty fit but clearly thought I was a twat because I appeared to always be dumping the clothes. And then I'd get yelled at for taking too long even though the night team changed the layout every fucking day so I never knew where anything was. And they didn't turn on the heating until the shop opened at 11 on the sunday so I was in a thin black shirt in -4 degree temperature... they wouldn't even let us wear the fleeces that the people in the back got.
>> No. 2693 Anonymous
21st January 2012
Saturday 12:58 am
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I am sending this plaice back because it has bones in it. Somehow this has surprised me, even though fifteen minutes ago the waitress told me twice it was served on the bone. When you carefully salvage what boneless meat you can I will then complain to a manager about how I don't think there's enough meat on my plate. I will then get a huge discount and a free dessert, after which I will go home and post a review on yelp complaining about the portion sizes.

Also, next time I visit I will pick something from your prix fixe menu, for example, the hamburger, because I have no imagination, and then I will ask to substitute half of the dish with a la carte items. I will become indignant when you do not allow me to swap chips for a pavé steak at no additional cost.

TL;DR - customers who don't listen and can't read.
>> No. 2705 Anonymous
25th January 2012
Wednesday 4:18 am
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I always think it's nicely chilly on a Sunday prior to opening. Then the thousands of fucking customers come in saying "ohhhh it's bloody hot in here, can't wait to get out", it's you people that are making the hot, stop perspiring so much.

>clearly thought I was a twat because I appeared to always be dumping the clothes.
I work on menswear so don't often have to venture down into the cesspit of humanity they like to call 'womenswear', but it's always hellish, I can empathise. I got caught recently trying to dump a load of returns, but I think the supervisor genuinely thought I was too retarded to distinguish between a black dress and a black dress with polka-dots; got let off with a friendly warning.

Also: fucking onesies...

My uni has a job offer doing tele-begging for donations from alumni. +20% better pay and better hours, but I think I'd miss Primark :/. Anyone done the charity tele-sales thing? Is it as shit as one imagines?
>> No. 2707 Anonymous
25th January 2012
Wednesday 8:39 am
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>And they didn't turn on the heating until the shop opened at 11 on the sunday so I was in a thin black shirt in -4 degree temperature...

There are laws against this thing, crossdresserlad.
>> No. 2715 Anonymous
27th January 2012
Friday 3:32 pm
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>I always think it's nicely chilly on a Sunday prior to opening

This was back in Early 2011 though, when all that snow came down. They also cancelled the buses so I had to walk about 2 miles to get to the nearest bus stop to actually get in. Wasn't worth it, not even for the £7 an hour or whatever it was they were paying.
>> No. 2716 Anonymous
28th January 2012
Saturday 2:50 am
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Speaking of cold work environments my place (shop) has this too.

Apparently head office get awfully cross if you leave the front door closed even if it's freezing or it's windy. This is only a little store too. Every person I speak to always says there's something wrong with their head office. It's like all the head offices/headquarters don't have a clue about reality.
>> No. 2722 Anonymous
28th January 2012
Saturday 7:45 pm
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They have a clue all right, it's simply that in their view the likes of you are serfs who ought to gratefully freeze for your minimum wage.
>> No. 2724 Anonymous
28th January 2012
Saturday 8:39 pm
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>it's simply that in their view the likes of you are serfs
When I used to work in M&S, the most idiotic "well it's just not good enough is it" was from a mare who apparently worked in the M&S head office. She came storming to the front of a 10 person queue shouting about how there shouldn't be such a lengthy queue in an M&S store. "...and why on earth are you the only person serving on these tills?" :/

If you can't work out that that shouting at staff isn't appropriate in-front of customers, and that this is a conversation to have with a manager, not a 17 year old till assistant; do you really have the mental faculties for a head-office job? She then wanted to be served first because she was 'busy' and got out her staff discount card.

Equally as stupid was when they used to send down head office people to do till work at peak times. Obviously their perspective was that this is easy grunt work, so they'd speed through it, get stressed, forget to do something like give change, and take twice as long.

Educated fools.
>> No. 2727 Anonymous
29th January 2012
Sunday 5:54 pm
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>She then wanted to be served first because she was 'busy' and got out her staff discount card.
Up to this point, typical frustrating I'm-the-boss shit, but that really is a fucking joke. What aggravates me the most about this is that I bet in her mind she was completely justified in queue-jumping, because in her mind everyone else is "little people". It smacks of that particular brand of self-important horse-faced bitch that we've all had to deal with at some time or another.

I'm not having a dig at women, incidentally, men do it too (just with haughty indignation rather than nasal contempt).
>> No. 2728 Anonymous
29th January 2012
Sunday 6:04 pm
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I've found that the mentality you identify is not the preserve of management - indeed, self-employed people and freelancers are among the biggest divas, while those "lifestyle coaches" and "social media consultants" and other people with faintly intangible professions are the most likely to sneer at people with, y'know, real lives and real jobs.
>> No. 2729 Anonymous
29th January 2012
Sunday 6:09 pm
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The problem with all head offices is that they see things in terms of profit, figures, research, initiatives, units etc etc. They make little allowance for the humanity of their staff, or for variations between different branches and their surrounding areas and populations. When this shortcoming is highlighted, they see it as an indication that they need MORE INFORMATION, MORE SCRUTINY, more fucking hot air being blown about, more directives, guidelines, incentives, appraisals, audits, inspections, feedback and and other horse shit, when all that's really needed is to TRUST the lower-level employees to make the customers happy. Let staff have some degree of autonomy, let them give the people what they want, the way they want it, and forget all the fine print of company policy. So long as the big picture remains intact that can only be a good thing. A lot of the time, things get too specific, too fine a point on everything because some paper-shuffler has to justify their existence.

I work for a popular London pub chain. my big gripe is that there's no challenge in the work, no prospects. I'm pretty certain I could manage an entire pub by now, given the correct information, but I've not been trained in ANYTHING at all. I've not even been certified as being able to pull a decent pint of bitter. I know how to change beer barrels, but I'm not permitted to do it because I haven't done a fucking course in cellar management or whatever it is. And the biggest pisstake? No bonuses or overtime ever. I worked christmas eve, christmas day and boxing day for £6.08 an hour. Minimum wage. The smallest amount of money they could legally pay me. Cunts. I mean why don't we do away with this half-assed insult of a wage and I'll just bend over and they can fuck me up the arse properly? MERRY CHRISTMAS.

There are some great things about it, it's not all complaints, but it wouldn't take much to make it really fantastic job, and that makes it all the more frustrating that it isn't. Considering the company has seen recent growth and expansion taking on new pubs, you'd think they might have the odd copper lying about to sling to the bar-monkeys for being the face of their company and actually taking in the millions of pounds they made over the festive season. The front-line staff are more important than anyone else in the company. Without people like me, they wouldn't sell a single pint, we make the business actually happen - and yet whenever anyone from head office visits we're barely glanced at, let alone asked our opinions or even our names. We're not even deemed intelligent enough to be responsible for our own mistakes - if we fuck up, it's the assistant managers fault, and if he fucks up it's the manager's fault, it's bollocks.

sorry this is so bloody long
>> No. 2733 Anonymous
30th January 2012
Monday 6:36 pm
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People like that should be tied to a chair and have their teeth chipped out with a blunt chisel.
>> No. 2734 Anonymous
31st January 2012
Tuesday 12:48 am
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Oh yeah that's true, I remember saying hello to a young bloke in a shirt and tie from head office putting out the fruit salads in the run-up to Christmas. As I was relatively new I asked him a question and he said he didn't have a clue either. At least he seemed to admit he was in over his head though.
>> No. 2738 Anonymous
2nd February 2012
Thursday 12:32 am
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Zenoslad here. Recently we have been training from 9 - 12.30 and then jobseeking from 1.30 - 4.15. The network, being much too shit to actually handle the amount of people accessing it, crawls during 1.30 - 4, so what the head office decided to do once notified of the problem was let our floor get on the Internet from 1.30 to 3 and then let the other floor get it from 3 - 4.15.

My suggestion, which was suggested to someone who would have to suggest it to someone who would have to suggest it to someone who would have to suggest it to someone, was to allow our floor to jobseek from 9 - 12.30 and train in the afternoon, and do the opposite for the other floor. This would reduce load and allow people to access the Internet when required.

We're not doing that, because (and I quote) "That's just the way it is, and it would be too difficult to reschedule the timetable."

That first one is a poor excuse for anything and that second one is bollocks because it really just is a case of "What shall we do now then? That? Okay." But no, we get to 3pm and all of a sudden the proxy is refusing every single connection from our floor. Doesn't matter if you were doing stuff. Doesn't matter that we have to edit a CV for an hour and a half every day even though I literally have nothing else to say in it and am dangerously close to waffling as is and then can't even email it to myself because they don't allow the Internet again until the next morning. And worst of all, worst of bloody all, this new classroom they tossed us in - unlike the old one - is borrowed from a teacher who actually disabled the USB ports, so we can't even put a VM on the server and LAN counterstrike with my friends like we used to.

All in all, I don't get the bloody nitpickery and autism displayed in the corporate environment. Maybe I will group together with some of the people in my class and start our own PC repair company and use common sense and probably go bust because people only want corporate-brand pretend™ common sense and not actual common sense. Sage for my immense amount of bumpains at how stupid and incompetent everyone on this course has got in the last week.

And almost nobody has a placement either. They keep sending out notification emails in size 60 font looking for people who need C and PHP knowledge. And I keep getting bloody ignored when I email the work person my own findings. I only want to do it because those BTEC assignments were a chore enough for me to want something tangible out of them. Maybe I will fuck their framework off and move to Sweden.
>> No. 2750 Anonymous
3rd February 2012
Friday 4:52 pm
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me again

minus fucking 5 and head office demanded we keep the doors open. Do they have no fucking sympathy?
>> No. 2751 Anonymous
3rd February 2012
Friday 5:00 pm
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Just close it and deny all knowledge if challenged.
>> No. 2752 Anonymous
3rd February 2012
Friday 8:25 pm
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There are laws against this kind of thing, lad.
>> No. 2753 Anonymous
3rd February 2012
Friday 8:26 pm
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Follow these simple instructions buddy
>> No. 2754 Anonymous
3rd February 2012
Friday 8:39 pm
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Phone Greenpeace and tell them how much energy your head office policy is wasting.
>> No. 2755 Anonymous
3rd February 2012
Friday 10:03 pm
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Name them.

It's going to be minus 12 tomorrow and I want some info on specific laws which say you cannot leave the door open on a cold day.
>> No. 2756 Anonymous
3rd February 2012
Friday 10:08 pm
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The Workplace (Health, Safety and Welfare) Regulations 1992
>> No. 2757 Anonymous
3rd February 2012
Friday 10:17 pm
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I can see a guideline on maximum temperatures (16 Celsius or 13 Celsius for strenuous work) but nothing about minimum temperatures.

I'll keep this in mind though. Most officials seem to stop and think about it when you just mention the name of a law/act/regulation
>> No. 2758 Anonymous
4th February 2012
Saturday 12:41 am
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13c is cold. 16c is also cold. Room temperature is 20-25c, usually 22c or so.
>> No. 2759 Anonymous
4th February 2012
Saturday 12:41 am
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I should clarify; I mean to point out that that is a silly maximum temperature.
>> No. 2760 Anonymous
4th February 2012
Saturday 2:21 am
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Oh dear I've made a mistake. Those aren't maximums or minimums.

It's the temperature which is considered reasonable. There's no maximum or minimum. There's no real law saying "don't allow your employees to work in a freezer without a coat". This is all common sense which is something head office don't have.

Any other laws/acts/regulations on the well-being of a worker?
>> No. 2772 Anonymous
5th February 2012
Sunday 3:34 am
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Just close the fucking door and be done with it.
>> No. 2773 Anonymous
5th February 2012
Sunday 9:45 am
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... and then blame it on a customer.

My mum used to go around shut shop's doors for them when she thought they were wasting too much heat. Terribly embarrassing to be around, but exactly the sort of behavior you could benefit from.
>> No. 2777 Anonymous
6th February 2012
Monday 5:12 am
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I like your mum.
>> No. 2778 Anonymous
6th February 2012
Monday 7:10 am
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People using my fucking tools and not cleaning and returning them when they're finished.
>> No. 2779 Anonymous
6th February 2012
Monday 8:32 am
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At one of my previous jobs I lent a fat bint one of my pens and she absent-mindedly started chewing the end of it.
>> No. 2780 Anonymous
6th February 2012
Monday 11:49 am
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Hope she unknowingly ingested some of the ink as well.
>> No. 2781 Anonymous
6th February 2012
Monday 2:59 pm
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This, every job I've ever had has brought me at least one cunt who will borrow something of mine without even asking then leave it on their desk/station. Then you have to hunt around for it for ten minutes then you find it and it's covered in matter.

There's always one cunt at my current job who will use my knives without asking. He is french (aren't they always) and pretends to not understand english so I have to scream "mon couteau" at him and he just shrugs. I would stab him, but he has my knife.
>> No. 2782 Anonymous
7th February 2012
Tuesday 8:39 pm
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Made this for you
>> No. 2783 Anonymous
7th February 2012
Tuesday 9:56 pm
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You have truly brightened my day. This is getting printed out and stuck on my station. Thank you.
>> No. 2784 Anonymous
8th February 2012
Wednesday 1:41 pm
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>workplace annoyances
People with "hilarious" jokes on the walls, corny wisecracks about how rubbish it is to work wherever they're working. One below motivational posters in my estimation.
>> No. 2785 Anonymous
8th February 2012
Wednesday 1:42 pm
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Stephen Lawrence approves.
>> No. 2786 Anonymous
8th February 2012
Wednesday 2:09 pm
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>People with "hilarious" jokes on the walls, corny wisecracks about how rubbish it is to work wherever they're working. One below motivational posters in my estimation.

< I used to have this up above my computer. Then I forgot to take it with me when I left.
>> No. 2787 Anonymous
8th February 2012
Wednesday 5:35 pm
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Technically I guess that's both, so I hate you twice.

Though really I meant the authentic motivational pictures, the ones like "PERSISTENCE: Everyone falls, only the great get back up and climb again" with the silhouette of a rock climber against a sunset or some shit like this. At my last job a head of department had some in his office, they were obviously inkjet printouts though, which diminished the impression of success somewhat. He was friendly to me but a bit of a cunt by all accounts, and a raving Welsh nationalist. I also knew a Greek lad in uni who had some on the wall in his room (non-ironically, if you can believe that). He was also a bit of a cunt, and kept trying to knob my mate despite her knocking him back in increasingly less polite ways; that seems to be a bit of a thing with Greek lads, though.
>> No. 2788 Anonymous
9th February 2012
Thursday 2:18 am
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If shitskins are going to study in this country, at least make them stay in one special uni. Maybe SOAS.
>> No. 2790 Anonymous
9th February 2012
Thursday 4:26 pm
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No to steer the conversation in the other but I'm pretty sure the whole "takes more muscles to frown than smile" is complete bollocks in the same way people who say "you only use 10% of your brain".

Optimism is fine but don't try and make up facts which are in fact not facts at all.
>> No. 2791 Anonymous
9th February 2012
Thursday 10:12 pm
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We'll have to disagree there, Greek dickhead aside most of my mates at uni were foreigners, and the few cases of real aggro I encountered involved Brits. And physiotherapy, weirdly; you'd think potential physiotherapists would know better than to get into physical altercations.

You should see the fees the foreign students pay for the privilege of studying here, fucking nuts it is.
>> No. 2793 Anonymous
10th February 2012
Friday 11:19 am
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I've become so jaded to demotivationals and their layout being appropriated for any caption on the Internet that I actually quite like motivationals now.
>> No. 2846 Anonymous
18th February 2012
Saturday 9:32 pm
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Looks like someone needs to brush up on their diversity training, eh?
>> No. 2976 Anonymous
12th March 2012
Monday 6:26 pm
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Having to write in greetings cards at work.

It's bad enough having to come up with some variation of 'have a good one!' when it's writing birthday cards for someone in the office, but someone's dad died at the weekend, so we all had to write in a sympathy card for her. If you're one of the first two people writing you can get away with 'thinking of you' or 'sorry to hear about your loss', but everyone else is fucked if they don't want to sound like you're repeating what everyone else has put. There were people sat with their head in their hands for ages trying to come up with something original and others were looking on Google for something to put.
>> No. 2977 Anonymous
14th March 2012
Wednesday 2:36 pm
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I used to just stick my initials. I was a temp in a factory with 300 people, i never actually got asked to put anything in a card for anyone i'd met.
>> No. 2978 Anonymous
14th March 2012
Wednesday 2:48 pm
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Protip: her dad's just died, she doesn't give a shit about whether you made an original comment in her sympathy card. Just sign the cunt and move on with your life.
>> No. 2981 Anonymous
16th March 2012
Friday 3:08 am
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Actually people do.

I once wrote "whoops" in very tiny letters in one of those sympathy cards. There were so many messages (it was the boss and this was a large company). I had never met the boss because I was only there for a week which is why I was surprised when I was given the card to sign despite my protests. I was on work experience and a rather edgy 15 year old. I was in the middle of making cups of tea when she came storming in demanding who put that in the card. She was violent. Throwing cups, pens, saying she'll write the same thing in THEIR sympathy card because she'd throw them off the roof.

I have to stress that there was almost no way you can notice that little message in that short a time. I always assumed people just take a quick glance over the messages and then put it on the mantel.
>> No. 2982 Anonymous
16th March 2012
Friday 5:45 pm
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I hate the phrases: "Going forward" and "We'll touch base soon". The latter sounds like a euphemism and by boss can just fuck off about the former.
>> No. 2983 Anonymous
17th March 2012
Saturday 12:04 am
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When a boss goes "we need to get x done, don't we?" when they know they play absolutely no role at all in getting x done. We're not doing it, I am. You prick.

They always seem to tell you to do the thing about three milliseconds before you're about to go and do it, too, so it looks like you forgot or weren't going to do it until they reminded you. This is why I loudly announce my entire work plan to all colleagues, so they know I'm onto them.
>> No. 3043 Anonymous
4th April 2012
Wednesday 2:01 pm
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People who are proud of how useless they are with a computer.

"I don't hate computers, they just hate me!!!"
>> No. 3049 Anonymous
4th April 2012
Wednesday 3:47 pm
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My last boss had a particular verbal habit. I'm hesitant to mention the specifics, because it was fairly distinctive and we get good Google here, but nevertheless her overuse of this particular word was parodied whenever she was out of earshot, to the point that when she was away for a fortnight on business, we put it on a sign on the office door.
>> No. 3050 Anonymous
5th April 2012
Thursday 10:24 pm
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>> No. 3051 Anonymous
6th April 2012
Friday 7:21 pm
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Mine said 'obviously' an awful lot. I started counting once; every time he said obviously I would stick a strike in a text document. I got to 183 in a fortnight.
>> No. 3052 Anonymous
7th April 2012
Saturday 1:29 am
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The Big Boss at my place always says 'reem'. Nobody even knew what it meant until that TV show popularised it. He'd say something like "this menu you've done, it's reem mate" and I wouldn't know whether to thank him or apologize.
>> No. 3053 Anonymous
7th April 2012
Saturday 11:52 am
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>> No. 3101 Anonymous
18th April 2012
Wednesday 1:20 pm
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You don't get to complain about this unless you've worked in IT (not saying you haven't, it's a fairly techy crowd around here).

I could not count how many times I've heard "computers hate me", but it still manages to tick off my little inner autist. Computers don't hate anything. I'm going to do my best to help you out, I will be polite and friendly and endeavour in all ways to be the model opposite of the smelly, socially retarded neckbeard that typifies the average PC repair guy, but for the love of God, just admit that you're not good with computers - not the other way around. And please try not to act so fucking proud of that fact.

While we're on the topic:
>> No. 3103 Anonymous
18th April 2012
Wednesday 4:55 pm
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Jesus fucking christ.
>> No. 3105 Anonymous
19th April 2012
Thursday 2:56 am
3105 spacer
ah old people.

When you work in a charity shop that's your main customer right there. Just last Saturday one bloke came in and as loud as he could shouted about how he was stuck in his house for 5 weeks then wandered off without even buying/browsing the wares. Also there's only so many beards on women I can manage. I mean these are full on beards that rival my own.
>> No. 3106 Anonymous
19th April 2012
Thursday 8:31 am
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Let's not forget "single dole mum" taking advantage of the "4 for £1" offer on VHS tapes, regularly coming in buying PG and U tapes as a kind of ersatz-nanny.
>> No. 3108 Anonymous
19th April 2012
Thursday 3:37 pm
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We don't sell VHS videos anymore.

Probably why I don't see any of these single dole mums. For DVDs the only DVD you can get for a quid is those work out ones with Davina McCall or 100 Greatest Goals commentated by David Seamen.

Oh that reminds me. People who come in to declare that they can get something cheaper at a different charity shop than ours. Well go there then? The only differences between here and there is that we won't put out clothing with blood and piss all over it and we'll check every CD and DVD for scratches. We're the M&S of charity shops.
>> No. 3109 Anonymous
19th April 2012
Thursday 3:45 pm
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They're almost certainly lying in hope that you'll lower your prices for them. It's a charity shop so they think the prices are negotiable, a bit like at a car-boot sale.
>> No. 3110 Anonymous
19th April 2012
Thursday 3:53 pm
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Am I the only person who finds this attitude just a little bit horrible? "I'm sorry, what? This is a shop that raises money for people with cancer and heart defects, and you want a discount on something that costs £3?"

Just. Fuck. Off. Don't even get me started on the shoplifters.
>> No. 3111 Anonymous
19th April 2012
Thursday 3:55 pm
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I don't want to believe this. Fucking hell.
>> No. 3115 Anonymous
19th April 2012
Thursday 4:46 pm
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You'd better. Some little pikey scrote even nicked the charity jug thing for spare change one day...
>> No. 3117 Anonymous
19th April 2012
Thursday 4:50 pm
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Unfortunately, it seems that's nothing new.
>> No. 3120 Anonymous
19th April 2012
Thursday 5:03 pm
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BHF right?
>> No. 3121 Anonymous
20th April 2012
Friday 12:20 am
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We had a trouser man. Arms covered in needle marks he'd come in take 4 pairs of trousers to the changing room put them all on under his original baggy pair and walk out.

Didn't dare confront him because we enjoyed being alive but found offering him help and having everyone watch would make him leave.

also BHF are overpriced, all shops (should) put out clean stuff.
>> No. 3122 Anonymous
20th April 2012
Friday 1:12 am
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BHF take the piss. £4 for a pre owned cd thats goes for £1.99 on ebay.
>> No. 3123 Anonymous
20th April 2012
Friday 4:33 pm
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>People who come in to declare that they can get something cheaper at a different charity shop than ours.
Pure class. Haggling at a charity shop, honest to God. Some people are unbelievable.

What did you say to that? I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face I think.
>> No. 3131 Anonymous
23rd April 2012
Monday 1:25 am
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What kind of CD? It's very rare a CD should go out for £3.99. Those are only reserved for very recent CDs that are popular that aren't donated often. It's like the holy grail of CDs for us. Even compilation CDs rarely go above £2.99.

I had a great time at my shop on Saturday. Shoplifters aren't that bad but it's the fuckers who break into the alleyway where you put our rubbish out. They don't even nick anything they just open all the bags up and trash the place. The lock on the door has been broken so many times that sometimes we leave the alley unlocked. They break in at least once a week and do this. Landlord won't do fuck all and 99% of solutions I can think of have been shot down due to 'elf and safety nonsense.

You get used to it just like any job. You just smile and nod. Sometimes I come into work completely oblivious to what customers are saying. One man came in and saw a glass vase that we put out and told me it was cracked. I was so out of of it I didn't get the hint which is obvious as fuck. I just said "oh well that happens unfortunately" when really I should have said "oh dear, thank you for telling me I shall put it away so no one can buy it"

Not sure how other charity shops deal with staff discount but BHF offers a 25% one which is pretty damn good. Can't use it on new stock mind you (birthday cards for example. Yes I buy all my birthday cards from BHF. 99p is a bargain these days with the way cards cost now)
>> No. 3133 Anonymous
23rd April 2012
Monday 2:25 am
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>Not sure how other charity shops deal with staff discount but BHF offers a 25% one which is pretty damn good.
Don't you get to pick freebies out from whatever comes in? Within reason. Actually maybe that's a bit like haggling in a charity shop, only worse.

Probably not, then.

As a workplace annoyance I'll add the slightly scary alcoholic who came into our IT shop pish drunk mid-afternoon and asked if we repaired PS3s (we don't), mumbled for a few minutes about DVDs, games and how much they cost these days, and then asked if we buy PS3s second hand. Even with the display desk and counter between me and him, the sour, ethanol smell was overpowering. We did not buy his PS3 that day, despite apparently incongruous assurances that it was working fine.
>> No. 3134 Anonymous
23rd April 2012
Monday 3:09 am
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>Don't you get to pick freebies out from whatever comes in?
As far as I'm aware, that would be somewhere between misappropriation and outright theft.
>> No. 3135 Anonymous
23rd April 2012
Monday 3:24 am
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Nope you don't get freebies.

I wasn't allowed to price stuff up until after a few month, same goes with other volunteers. The amount of people who scam and cheat charity shops goes beyond just shoplifters. Hell just on Friday we got a phone call about someone who had apparently been working in our shop for the last 8 months but none of us knew anything about him. That's pretty minor but there's been a history of staff pocketing petty cash, fixing prices so they can get stuff for cheaper, stealing stock and there was even one case where someone worked at one shop so he could get his mates to "break in" and steal everything. The stock in charity shops may be cheap but with the right people they could make off with a fortune and justify it with "oh well it's not like they paid for the stock either".

So yeah, we don't get freebies. We do however get to bagsy stuff within reason. You can't just say "I want this large box of DVDs". A book or DVD here and there is acceptable.
>> No. 3136 Anonymous
23rd April 2012
Monday 1:07 pm
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>Sometimes I come into work completely oblivious to what customers are saying
Eh? Now you're the one being a bit of a prat.
>> No. 3137 Anonymous
23rd April 2012
Monday 2:22 pm
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True. But my job there is mainly tagging, sorting through books/DVDs/CDs/Games and not being on the shop floor. Never been on the till. I'm really not the sort of person who should work retail but that's all there is these days.

Also about haggling in charity shops. While we do get hagglers we get "regulars" who know when something has been out for more than a couple of weeks. It's really scary when you've got multiple customers saying specific books have been out for ages when I can't even remember putting them out. These are older people with memories worse than my own too.
>> No. 3138 Anonymous
23rd April 2012
Monday 2:24 pm
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Imagine being a regular at a charity shop. Just imagine.
>> No. 3140 Anonymous
23rd April 2012
Monday 6:29 pm
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I'm... I'm probably a regular. There are nine in my town and I check around them pretty often, it probably works out at once a week or so. I've found lots of interesting CDs and records and picked up some good older videogames, and every now and then there's a shirt or jumper that isn't hideous.

I don't keep a mental note of what is for sale at each, though. I wouldn't have thought it possible to be honest.
>> No. 3142 Anonymous
25th April 2012
Wednesday 1:55 am
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I love going into charity shops and laughing at the vinyl on offer.
>> No. 3143 Anonymous
25th April 2012
Wednesday 2:32 am
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BHF don't sell them anymore. Same with cassette tapes (with the exception of maybe audio books), games before the PS1 era (and cartridge except for gameboy games but I tend to toss them out as the internal battery is dead if it's a game that has a save feature). We don't do and media that pretty much died such as betamax and HD DVD. Of course VHS we no longer sell. We're relatively hip for a charity shop.

However we got bags full of old Beano and Dandy comics. Oldest was only in 1992 so they weren't too valuable. There must have been at least 500 comics. We put maybe 200 out in a bag (I can't remember what we priced it at but it was definitely less than a fiver) and within an hour they were gone.

Probably on ebay by now. One bloke bought 20 CDs and 10 DVDs. You can tell who's an ebayer on that basis alone.
>> No. 3144 Anonymous
25th April 2012
Wednesday 2:40 am
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>One bloke bought 20 CDs and 10 DVDs. You can tell who's an ebayer on that basis alone.
Not always. There's a guy I know who regularly raids the charity shops for CDs and vinyl. He's a hospital DJ. He showed me a stack of NOW compilations that he'd picked up for something like a pound apiece.
>> No. 3145 Anonymous
25th April 2012
Wednesday 2:54 am
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Hah we just throw those NOW comps away.

Just like how all Jeremy Clarkson books are sent to "rag".
>> No. 3146 Anonymous
25th April 2012
Wednesday 8:37 am
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Why not sell old games?
Sure if it's Fifa 96 bin it. But there are plenty of old SNES & Megadrive greats.
>> No. 3147 Anonymous
25th April 2012
Wednesday 12:08 pm
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How often do you think old SNES and Megadrive greats turn up?
>> No. 3148 Anonymous
25th April 2012
Wednesday 1:29 pm
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When I was volunteering a couple of years back at a local shop, we had a great load of gaming stuff come in. Megadrives, Mega CD's, SNES's etc.

They do come in, but the majority of better stuff is on ebay now. It's just the odd loft clearance / kids moved out so chuck his stuff without asking parents.
>> No. 3150 Anonymous
29th April 2012
Sunday 9:58 pm
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I work in Spar.

They want me to come in, sign in and be ready to start work 15, yes fifteen, minutes BEFORE I am scheduled to start working. Now I have no problem with arriving at work 5 minutes early so that I can be signed in and all ready to start working at the exact time at which I am scheduled to begin work, the exact time that I will be payed from.

Now ok, that just a bit annoying, but it gets worse.

They want me to be working until exactly the time I scheduled to work (thats totally fine, obviously), but then they want me to cash up my til in my own time! What the fuck? Did it for the first time yesterday, and It took 17 minutes. I hope it will speed up to the "3 minutes" that they tell me it should take. First time cashing up (new policy) so obviously a little slower as learning.

Again thats not really all that bad (if it really will only take 3 minutes in the future), but I already have to work an extra 10 minutes as I work evening shift so have to close the shop door at 11 (and not a second sooner or will be fired), and then take off the tills, lock them away and generally shut down and lock up the shop.

So to summarise: 15mins unpaid work before my shift technically starts, 10minutes unpaid work when we shut the shop down at the end of the day, and now an additional 10 minutes to cash our tills up. (Can only cash one till up at a time, 3 tills). So thats half an hour at least of unpaid work, every fucking shift.

Where do we stand legally here? I hear that its pretty common for you to have to do a few mins unpaid before/after your official shift times, but surely 30 minutes is taking the piss?

Am I being a baby about this? Ive worked there over a year, and these are "new policies" they are bringing in due to the shitfuck company (Crapper & Co) that used to own this Spar, being taken over by Blakemore CUNTS Limited.

Oh and to make matters worse, the S Budget Energy Drink that they used to get from Austria, is now being procured from an English manufacture, who has taken 5mg caffeine out (now 30mg/100ml when before it was 32mg/100ml) and they have fucked with the recipe in some other way which results in it being less flavoursome.
>> No. 3151 Anonymous
29th April 2012
Sunday 10:27 pm
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>Where do we stand legally here? I hear that its pretty common for you to have to do a few mins unpaid before/after your official shift times, but surely 30 minutes is taking the piss?

Are you in a union?
>> No. 3152 Anonymous
29th April 2012
Sunday 10:43 pm
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08457 474747. If you're lazy, you could probably call them now and get a recorded message saying when they're open.
>> No. 3153 Anonymous
29th April 2012
Sunday 10:45 pm
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>> No. 3157 Anonymous
30th April 2012
Monday 2:12 am
3157 spacer

The lower you are down the food chain of most large organizations the shittier you are treated.
Might not be morally right but by and large its true
>> No. 3158 Anonymous
30th April 2012
Monday 2:22 am
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Union lad. Join one. USDAW spring to mind. Once payment is through have a little chat with a union rep. Given as Spar are breaking quite a few laws hear, you will be fine. Union. Join.
>> No. 3193 Anonymous
7th May 2012
Monday 4:18 pm
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Why the hell is CCTV footage so fucking low quality?
>> No. 3194 Anonymous
7th May 2012
Monday 5:16 pm
3194 spacer
>> No. 3195 Anonymous
8th May 2012
Tuesday 1:19 am
3195 spacer
Because broadcast-quality cameras are fucking expensive.
>> No. 3196 Anonymous
8th May 2012
Tuesday 12:23 pm
3196 spacer

Could they just not leave a high-end webcam on?
>> No. 3197 Anonymous
8th May 2012
Tuesday 5:51 pm
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Lack of investment over the decades, combined with the ongoing need to minimise storage space. Additionally the need for cameras which work well in all lighting conditions also makes things harder.

They've improved a lot recently though.
>> No. 3219 Anonymous
18th May 2012
Friday 3:11 pm
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Being caught in the middle of work politics. I don't care about your problems people. And it's unprofessional as fuck.

Being set unrealistic targets that cannot be achieved.

Promises being broken. Namely, "I'll certainly help you on that project you've been given no training on." No help arrived
>> No. 3233 Anonymous
22nd May 2012
Tuesday 3:13 pm
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>Being caught in the middle of work politics. I don't care about your problems people.
Oh, this. I make this abundantly clear to people up front. I'm there to do a job, and that job is not helping you build a fucknig empire.
>> No. 3271 Anonymous
31st May 2012
Thursday 8:36 am
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This has really narked me off during the recent hot weather.
>> No. 3318 Anonymous
10th June 2012
Sunday 12:31 am
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Oh my god I thought it was just my store that was horrible to work in.

That said, it really shouldn't be taking you that long to cash up a till, you're only counting your change, taking out the excess and writing down a bunch of figures in a book. It only took me 5 minutes when I first started.

I know this will sound a bit silly, but try counting in different ways. The way I like to do it is to get a calculator and count each denomination, punch it in and add it up as I go. Just drop them in the compartment from your hand and count as you go.

One more thing, how can you have worked there for over a year and only have cashed up a till yesterday?
>> No. 3460 Anonymous
12th July 2012
Thursday 6:53 pm
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Elderly people should be banned from shopping between noon and 2pm. They have all week to shop, if I need to pop out during my lunch break then I don't want to get stuck in a great big tide of jam made out of old women.
>> No. 3461 Anonymous
13th July 2012
Friday 3:09 am
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OK we'll make that happen, just for you, princess.
>> No. 3463 Anonymous
13th July 2012
Friday 7:54 am
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Making sardonic posts in a thread about people's annoyances? N1 m8.
>> No. 3464 Anonymous
13th July 2012
Friday 9:53 am
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You are allowed, by right, to apply for flexible working. They don't have to give it to you, but they have to properly respond (unless you have a statutory right to flexible working - in which case they pretty much have to let you).

So apply - and hope they don't even bother to respond properly. Then if/when they fire you for being late again, you can say you applied for flexible working and were refused and also that your application wasn't even properly considered. This will look great at an employment tribual when you sue them for constructive dismissal or similar. If you have even half a case, most employers will settle out of court (or be made to by their liability insurers). You can get legal aid or some form of legal asssistance to go through this process too.

It's got to be worth the time to write a letter to apply for flexible working hasn't it? 20 minutes work now might net you £10-15k in six months time!
>> No. 3470 Anonymous
13th July 2012
Friday 11:19 pm
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Because the stupid fucking barstaff have either been stealing or simply not putting sales through properly, our bar is four grand down, which means now staff are no longer allowed to enjoy a nice cold - paid for - pint after work, or, in my case, a nice cold cuba libre during work. Luckily they haven't (yet) banned me from bringing in my own cans for the team to enjoy, as is the longstanding traditional staff incentive.

It may seem trivial but this sort of thing is bad for morale. And my theory is that outright banning people from even BUYING drinks from the bar after hours is only going to see even more money go missing. Because you can't leave evidence of PAYING for your beer, what else can you do but steal it?
>> No. 3472 Anonymous
13th July 2012
Friday 11:55 pm
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I took my girlfriend to a bar/restaurant for dinner today and the bill was about a tenner cheaper than I was expecting because they forgot to charge for drinks.

I'd feel guilty if they weren't charging £2.50 for Cola when it probably cost them ~20p.
>> No. 3475 Anonymous
14th July 2012
Saturday 12:46 am
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I feel it's duty to defend restaurant drink markups. They're there, in most cases, to subsidise your meal. All of the good stuff we serve in restaurants, the steaks, the salmon, the fresh vegetables, we make almost no profit on. Some things, lobster being one example, actually costs us money to serve. Overcook one Thermidor and you're in the red. Charging thirty quid for a ten quid bottle of wine is what keeps the restaurant afloat. We can do very clever things with food margins, but to deliver quality, we need people to buy the Bollinger every once in a while. I would say this is the last great restaurant secret, that selling food isnt very profitable, but I'm sure Bourdain has beat me to it.
>> No. 3478 Anonymous
14th July 2012
Saturday 9:20 pm
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This might not last. The main reason employers like to settle ET cases is because unless they can prove to the satisfaction of the Tribunal that the claimant is taking the piss, the employer pays for the whole process and cannot reclaim their costs. The Tories predictably want to change this, and also want to restrict the right to be dismissed fairly to those with two years' service - which is convenient, given that in many places two years is what is required for "permanent" status.
>> No. 3482 Anonymous
18th July 2012
Wednesday 8:47 am
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Ever get that feeling that you do all the work when your managers do largely fuck all, in terms of hard graft?
>> No. 3483 Anonymous
18th July 2012
Wednesday 10:21 am
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This would explain why kitchen staff are the most over worked and underpaid poor bastards I've ever met.
>> No. 3484 Anonymous
18th July 2012
Wednesday 10:44 am
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Indeed. Though chefs do love to complain. I guarantee it's not as bad as they make out. A) nobody stays in kitchens if they don't, deep down, enjoy it, because its certainly not about the pay or the sociable hours, and B) the pay isn't as bad as some make out in most places. There's not a cook at my place who isn't on at least £9 an hour, and a 60 hour work week is not uncommon. And a lot of places have back of house tips, which adds another quid or two per hour. Restaurants have been forced recently to increase wages in a big way, to compete with places backed by trillionaires that can afford to poach chefs with lavish salaries. These places are doomed to fold from day one, but that is a different rant entirely.
>> No. 3485 Anonymous
18th July 2012
Wednesday 10:53 am
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Why do people keep asking me if I'm enjoying my job?

Whilst there are some lines of work with good satisfaction I have to say being a remedial worker in retail is not one of them. The worst is putting on a smiley façade for days you don't feel like smiling or saying much.
>> No. 3486 Anonymous
18th July 2012
Wednesday 11:42 am
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I agree - it's cheaper for them to settle than to go through the process, even if they win. It is also easy to take the piss as a digruntled former employee. If I were made redundant or fired I'd chance my arm anyway. The worst that can happen is that your case is dismissed before a hearing.

I fully realsie it's "people with my attitude" that might mean an end to fair dismissal practices for thousands of workers with less than two years continuos service and I'm not proud. I was just advising the fellow ladmate what might be able to do to blag a few quids!
>> No. 3492 Anonymous
19th July 2012
Thursday 2:48 am
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>The worst that can happen is that your case is dismissed before a hearing.
The worst that can happen is that you're ordered to pay the Tribunal and your former employer for wasting their time.
>> No. 3506 Anonymous
21st July 2012
Saturday 8:13 pm
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I do. I know I shouldn't, because even though I'm the one keeping everything in order and doing the daily grunt work, without the managers nobody would process the paperwork to pay me, to order more stuff for me to move about to continue being paid or stay on top of the latest company line so I don't get sacked for breaking the newest bullshit rule that only lasts a week before it gets scrapped.

Also there would be nobody to blame when I fuck up.
>> No. 3525 Anonymous
26th July 2012
Thursday 9:26 pm
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Dear boss,

Please stop asking me to do things. Any time you ask for my advice, you ignore it, then come to me asking why I didn't warn you. Any time you ask me to recommend something, you do the exact opposite, then blame me when it all goes tits up. Any time you give me a project, you pull it as I'm halfway through, usually after I've got external contacts which you authorised hanging on it.

Seriously, stop doing that shit. It gets right on my tits and gets in the way of me doing my job.
>> No. 3555 Anonymous
30th July 2012
Monday 7:19 pm
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BBC 6 Music.png
I'm an assitant working the stores of a local electronics factory. Pretty cushy job all things considered, it's not a huge amount of manual labour aside from carrying the odd heavy box. Mostly I just label and pack things.

The one thing that really gets on my tits though is the factory radio. It is *always* tuned into the same fucking station, day-in and day-out. What's bad about that is they always play the same pop-hits from the past couple of deckades as well as new-age X-factor shite. If I have to hear "I just met you, and this is crazy" one more time I will go on a shooting rampage.

Picture related: it's how I remain sane.
>> No. 3556 Anonymous
30th July 2012
Monday 8:07 pm
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Perhaps you could ask management or maintenance or whoever to vary it up a bit throughout the day? Ask your co-workers and see if they're irritated by it too so you can request in numbers.
>> No. 3557 Anonymous
30th July 2012
Monday 8:13 pm
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Oh we did, it's how we managed to get the station changed from Magic to Real Radio. I may ask again but I fear I'm in the minority this time.

As I say, my job is pretty cushy - if I'm just sat doing labelling I can usually just plug my headphones in and listen to my own music. If I'm moving around to take stock or something then it's not an issue.
>> No. 3558 Anonymous
30th July 2012
Monday 8:14 pm
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I've phrased that wrong, it's not an issue if I'm sat down or if I'm busy enough I don't notice the radio. But see first paragraph regarding that.
>> No. 3583 Anonymous
4th August 2012
Saturday 5:29 pm
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I had to listen to Radio 1 all day in my last job.
I can't even describe how awful it was although THE PLAYLIST FOR THE ENTIRE DAY WAS FIVE SONGS is getting there.
>> No. 3585 Anonymous
4th August 2012
Saturday 6:45 pm
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>Coming up after Newsbeat, Fearne will be playing the same ten songs but in a slightly different order.
I know that feeling well.
>> No. 3593 Anonymous
7th August 2012
Tuesday 11:41 am
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Radio? You think radio is bad?

How about having a PA system that is hooked up to the internet, that plays one playlist and one playlist only - a playlist updated perhaps every six months, a playlist entitled "mild easy listening". This is a playlist of about 20 songs, each more inoffensive and terrible than the last. Acoustic Morrissey covers sung by honey-voiced hippie chicks, cheery folk pop, and just generally things like this : https://www.youtube.com/v/xW2fZYhlOKM

On repeat, all fucking day. You think you can tune it out, but you can't. It's there in the background, drilling into your skull. You'll hear the song out of work, and start having cold sweats, some sort of Pavlovian reaction. "I can hear THE SONG! I must work! I need to work!". Far more effective than anything that came out of MKULTRA.

That fucking playlist played no small part in my decision to leave the company that inflicted it on its customers and employees. Then there was the time they got the bagpipe player in. Fucking hell that was brutal.
>> No. 3596 Anonymous
7th August 2012
Tuesday 1:25 pm
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That monster looks very hirsute.
>> No. 3602 Anonymous
7th August 2012
Tuesday 8:41 pm
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I worked in a charity shop as part of the Work Programme for 2 months, they had one Christian Rock CD, 5 tracks. OVER. AND OVER.
>> No. 3609 Anonymous
8th August 2012
Wednesday 1:55 am
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It's not so much the music that annoys me at mine, it's the adverts.

Smooth FM is fucking awful. CLAIM PPI and DON'T DO IT YOURSELF particularly. I tell a lie I do hate the music. I'm sick of hearing that Will Young song. It's been at least 2 fucking months.

I miss Radio 2 just so I can go without the ads. I may hate Tony Blackburn with a passion but I can tolerate it.
>> No. 3641 Anonymous
11th August 2012
Saturday 4:09 pm
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Honestly that's the main reason I quit my last job.

My secondary reason was the utter lack of prospects and terror of being stuck in menial work all my life, but I can get over that.

The radio was truly terrifying.
>> No. 3645 Anonymous
11th August 2012
Saturday 5:38 pm
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I work as a cashier in a supermarket. People seem to suspend their brain function when they come in.

I don't manually fucking calculate your bill. If something comes up at the wrong price it's because someone in an entirely different department fucked up earlier in the week, completely without my involvement. If you bring in the wrong coupon or don't read the one on the package it's your fucking fault.

If you know me socially and try to talk to come to my til and ask me if I can find any drugs or bitch at me about my relationship with your friend I'm going to ignore you entirely and have you banned from the premises as a shoplifter.
>> No. 3699 Anonymous
21st August 2012
Tuesday 6:03 pm
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I find it completely unprofessional when superiors swear in front of you. Even more so when they do it at you.
>> No. 3953 Anonymous
8th November 2012
Thursday 10:50 am
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First thing when I got into work this morning to find my computer's already on with the task manager open and my boss is hovering nearby looking accusative.
>Anon, you've installed something on your machine that's [Caused our proprietary software not to work properly]! It's just downloading junk data.
Have I? There was a similar problem with [our other software] before, ever since I reformatted my machine it's been unable to find the correct drivers.
>You never told me this! Let's go through the installation process.
We do so then reach the point where we can't get any further due to the same problem
>Wait, this looks familiar
Yeah there's a screenshot of it I emailed to you last week. Remember those two conversations we had about it?
>Right. Well, there's a task running that's using the memory and must be making it go wrong. I don't recognise these tasks, it must be something you've downloaded or installed. Now I'm going to stand here and watch while you find out what each one does.
I don't think that's how ram works, but okay. He hands me a list of running tasks to put into google.
>SMAgent.exe, PELMICED.EXE, RTHDCPL.EXE, FSRremoS.EXE, ico.exe, igfxrvc.exe, etc

I do that while he watches.
>Okay well you'd better get on with your work there's still some orders left you didn't finish yesterday.
I wasn't in yesterday. I say nothing.

>> No. 3955 Anonymous
8th November 2012
Thursday 7:13 pm
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Decided to give all of this thread a readover, as it has been a while since I've seen it.

>The shitters in my current job are a disgrace and not worth wasting time in.

I posted this nearly 18 months ago. I reckon I spend about an hour a week sat on the bog, dicking around on my phone while I'm meant to be working.
>> No. 3956 Anonymous
8th November 2012
Thursday 8:50 pm
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Do you use Twitter on the shitter?
>> No. 3957 Anonymous
11th November 2012
Sunday 2:50 am
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I work at Primark, and to echo some of the other lads in the thread who work/worked there, it's full of minor annoyances (though I'm less tolerant of that stuff due to my maximum autism). It's a decent enough job in terms of pay and the fact it's not physically/mentally challenging, but there are some things that fuck me right off about it.

I work on tills, so I have to bear the initial brunt of customers' complaints. Sometimes these are reasonable, but sometimes they can be total cunts. I get a few customers a week who will spend 15 minutes making me go through every single item on their receipt. If they think they've been charged incorrectly, that's fair enough, but I start to lose patience when I have to go through every item in the bag multiple times to show the prices are correct and the machine didn't make a mistake and also there is a queue spanning the entire length of the store I need to serve.

There are those customers who will pick up an expensive item that they claim has been placed on a £1 rail. I apologise, explain it was probably placed there by error, but the item is still the original higher price which is clearly shown on the clothes tag. They then claim this is false advertising and they can write to Watchdog or something as it's against trading standards. Also, customers getting something from a "FROM £[x] Items Priced Individually" rack and then getting butthurt when the price on the tag is higher than the lowest value on the price point.

Also when I am closing the till banks and am standing in front of the queue points directing customers to another till, they have a tendency to look at me like shit and walk past me when I explain that these tills are closing.

And then the other members of staff annoy me as many of them dawdle and chat and banter instead of serving customers. They wonder why the supervisor is "such a bitch" when they're spending their time bad mouthing her instead of doing the work while I toil away in silence like the friendless Aspie self-medicating sociopath I am.

Sage for ramblings of a lonely autist.
>> No. 3959 Anonymous
16th November 2012
Friday 7:24 pm
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Brighter people suffer more. How do you medicate yourself? Please don't tell me it is booze.
>> No. 3960 Anonymous
16th November 2012
Friday 10:02 pm
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Booze, chain smoking, solvent abuse. A trio of readily available, mind-altering substances that make my life more bearable. Also prescription anti-depressants.
>> No. 3963 Anonymous
17th November 2012
Saturday 11:38 pm
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Sure, but the benefit of Primark is that the focus of the business model is high volume of sales rather than intensive customer service. The majority of staff and customers realize this and act accordingly; the minority of idiots willing to have an argument about £1.50 are of no value to the company, and any supervisor/manager worth their salt will politely tell them to fuck off.

My personal highlights:
*after faffing about fetching items for some entitled dick* "I'm sorry sir, you're going to need to do your own shopping from now on, this isn't the sort of place that offers concierge"

*after a woman insists she WILL be getting free cotton shopper bags from us*
"You can either pay for the cotton bags, make do with the paper bags, or go elsewhere"

*after an old dear insists she'll be writing to the press about the fact that her receipt is out of date*
"I don't believe this is front-page news, you can write to our head office if you like though."

(I miss that supervisor)

Bullshit, that's some Holden Caulfield bollocks for lackluster teens.
>> No. 3984 Anonymous
3rd December 2012
Monday 9:47 pm
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>> No. 3985 Anonymous
3rd December 2012
Monday 10:04 pm
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>I don't believe this is front-page news

Oh, I don't know.

>Labelled "thieves" by rights group

>An investigation by the Star on Sunday has found staff at Primark conning innocent customers out of their legal rights.
Described by one consumer rights group as "tantamount to theft", staff employ a myriad of excuses to avoid their duty to refund customers.
Tipped of my Gladys Monroe, 94, who recieved the George Cross during her time in the WAAF during WWII, the Star on Sunday's man can reveal that the leading high street store trains staff to lie to customers regarding their rights.
Our man attempted to return a coat bought from the store and was denied a refund, but was told by a manager in the Neaden branch that his "reciept was out of date" and that a refund was not possible.
Despite the receipt not mentioning an expiry date the store refused to refund the purchase.
We spoke to Which?, the leading consumer rights organisation in the UK.
Martin Wallace, Which's directer of consumer legislations, told us that "Under the Sale of Goods Act a receipt is not required to claim a refund on an item.
"There is also no legal basis for stores claiming a cut-off point for a punter's right to return a product, as long as it is in mint condition.
"Frankly, for a store as large as Primark to attempt to avoid legal responsibilities in this was it tantamount to theft."
>> No. 3990 Anonymous
5th December 2012
Wednesday 6:53 pm
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>There is also no legal basis for stores claiming a cut-off point for a punter's right to return a product, as long as it is in mint condition.
This would be funnier to me if a lot of people didn't genuinely believe that sort of thing.
>> No. 3991 Anonymous
5th December 2012
Wednesday 7:50 pm
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What are you on about, lad? That part is correct. The only time limits that apply to your statutory rights are 6 months for presumption of inherent defect and the 6 years impose by the Limitations Act.
>> No. 3992 Anonymous
5th December 2012
Wednesday 11:00 pm
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Oh yeah, my mistake Lad.

...that is, unless
>it is in mint condition
Therefore we're not talking about statutory right to an implied warranty for faulty goods, we're talking about the customer's right to return a product in contract as per the terms of sale.
>> No. 3995 Anonymous
6th December 2012
Thursday 4:15 pm
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>we're talking about the customer's right to return a product in contract as per the terms of sale.
Which would therefore have no legal basis. Lad.
>> No. 3996 Anonymous
6th December 2012
Thursday 6:28 pm
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>no legal basis
Freeman on the land lad?
>> No. 3997 Anonymous
6th December 2012
Thursday 7:21 pm
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Fuck's sake, lad. How many times do we have to go through this? "Legal" in this context refers to statute.
>> No. 4005 Anonymous
11th December 2012
Tuesday 6:20 pm
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The receptionist.

Everytime she's in the kitchen area she's on the phone talking about PARTYING and how it has been so long since her last drink. If she was in her early 20's this wouldn't be so bad but she's pushing 40, has 2 kids and the physique of the Michelin Man.
>> No. 4006 Anonymous
11th December 2012
Tuesday 6:42 pm
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Get yourself down to your local Yates on a Saturday night pal
>> No. 4009 Anonymous
12th December 2012
Wednesday 9:50 pm
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I worked as a 'Telephone Fundraiser'. A tele-begger is a better way of putting it. Like a Chugger but I'd get to stay indoors. I'd call people all over the UK and beg for monthly direct debits on behalf of the Red Cross or whatever disabled kids charity we were doing that week. The whole place just reeked of failure, and they'd hire anyone who came to their wanky group interviews, which gives me tons of material for this thread.

My group interview was half students, half stereotypical looking people on JSA who've been made to attend to keep their money coming in. Led by the fairly standard WACKY OVERLY-FRIENDLY APPROACHABLE GUY who cracked lame jokes for half of it and tried far too hard to act younger than he was. He spoke a lot about Fall Out Boy leading me to believe he's been stuck in a Groundhog Day type situation since 2005, doing group interviews with shitheads day after day. Once I got the job and moved onto the killing floor I met some real characters.

One fat cow who wouldn't talk to anyone who hadn't been working there for 6 months. She'd straight up ignore you until you put your 6 months in, then she'd be all smiles and rainbows. Admitted this to me once I'd wasted half a year of my life there. Actually thought of herself as the top dog of the tele-begging industry despite being fairly average with her donations.

An Indian chap with a thick Indian accent, who could change it to perfect Queen's English that would make Hugh Grant weep at the drop of a hat. It really was amazing to listen to. He got the most donations per hour out of anyone, and was drafted in as a secret weapon when we were having a slow day. When he did his switch to perfect English he sounded a bit like a BBC radio presenter from the 1950s.

A kid fresh out of school who hated everyone and everything, and would break the laws we were bound by on every call by refusing to stick to the script and making up information on the spot to get more money from people. He was the second best performer on the floor so he was kept around. We were all written up by head office several times for not sticking to script because of the little bastard. Won an iPhone last Christmas because his donation per call ratio hit the roof, turned out he was finding out if the person on the phone was a single parent, and making up horror stories about abuse to gain donations.

A man who was in his 50s at least, and always wore a hi-vis jacket into the office. Never took it off. In summer he wound everyone up because the sunlight would bounce off his jacket and glare up everyone's monitors. He got fired because he said 'tit' on the phone to a potential donor whilst head office was monitoring his call. In an act of defiance he made off with all of the good cups in the break room leaving everyone to drink tea out of pint glasses for the rest of the week.

A flaming homosexual, who got fired 10 minutes into his first shift. I was sat next to him, and his calls went as follows.

- "Hello?"
-"Hello, I'm calling from X on behalf of ~charity~ today. Can we have some money please?"

That 10 minutes where he made about 15 calls got us all put on lockdown with constant monitoring from head office for about 2 weeks.

Tele-begging centres can be interesting places to work, with some real characters but I don't recommend it if you want to leave work with your soul intact.
>> No. 4010 Anonymous
12th December 2012
Wednesday 11:56 pm
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>In an act of defiance he made off with all of the good cups in the break room leaving everyone to drink tea out of pint glasses for the rest of the week.


Also, I really need to go back to uni. Fucking hell.
>> No. 4016 Anonymous
19th December 2012
Wednesday 4:41 pm
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I had a very short lived job working for Capita trying to flog people iPads and suchlike over the phone. I left after a couple of months because the entire place felt like a Milgram-esque social experiment, where the management were chosen specifically for their incompetence but blind loyalty.

It was run by some Jewish bird, and in the least surprising move ever, the bloke who had been working his socks off for promotion for about six months got passed over for promotion in favour of another young Jewish lady who started work there about two weeks previously. I was surprised he didn't snap and go on an office rampage. Suits from Newcastle came down to tell us all we were doing the job wrong, and our managers literally told us to humour them, and go back to the way we were doing it after they left. There were arbitrary changes each and every day to the "offer" we were selling, almost always detrimental to our ability to sell the deal, and the paper thin way management tried to dress it up as a positive change made me genuinely wonder if it was just workplace doublethink or if they were honestly brainwashed. After someone made a sale there would be applause and cheers from everyone around in this bizarre positivity=productivity thing, which seemed to actually work, but it needed momentum; a day that started badly would end badly and once the pace faltered it was only ever downhill.

Amusingly, there was a small group of skinheads in the office next door. I always wondered if they were skinheads before they started working at a predominantly Asian call centre, or if it had been a response to the environment. It was also funny how before I left, I noticed the new recruits becoming more predominantly white, as a result of recruitment changing hands from the internal management to the external HR office.
>> No. 4028 Anonymous
19th December 2012
Wednesday 11:31 pm
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Did the Indian chap sound like the bloke from the Speaking Clock that was "sponsored by Accurist"?

>leaving everyone to drink tea out of pint glasses
That's a bit arsey, punishing his colleagues rather than the company.

>-"Hello, I'm calling from X on behalf of ~charity~ today. Can we have some money please?"

>That 10 minutes where he made about 15 calls got us all put on lockdown with constant monitoring from head office for about 2 weeks.

Why? That doesn't sound like a particularly unethical or outrageous thing to say, it just meant he was rubbish.
>> No. 4055 Anonymous
24th December 2012
Monday 12:59 am
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You have to stick religiously to the script you're given. Even substituting words for ones that are easier to understand if you've got a bit of a thicko on the line with you is a no-go.

Everything you read has to be signed off and approved by the charity you're representing, and whatever governing body there is for telebegging. When all the violence in Syria starting hotting up, we couldn't mention it to any people on the phone (even though it was a Red Cross campaign and they were in Syria at the time providing aid) because it wasn't approved by the charity.
>> No. 4056 Anonymous
24th December 2012
Monday 1:09 am
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But to get donations from people, you really need to convince them. After you've done all your reasoning for the why the charity needs support, and you say "...so we're making these calls today to as many people as we can and asking if they can help us with a monthly gift of £2 a month, can you do that for us?", tons of people will still say no. It's just the way it is. You need to rub them up the right way to get a donation in.

Just asking for money right off the bat is going to get you hung up on, it's going to tank your PDD (paperless Direct Debit) to call ratio and it'll get you sacked.
>> No. 4058 Anonymous
24th December 2012
Monday 10:42 am
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>stick religiously to the script.

A friend of mine used to work for Phones4U. Part of their script when sat down with a potential customer was that they had to put their pen down, put a finger under their chin and look like they were in deep thought, as if the potential customer had said something very insightful and profound to them.
>> No. 4105 Anonymous
5th January 2013
Saturday 10:47 pm
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my work.jpg
I used to be an abseil instructor , I would work off my socks to build kids confidence to give the activity a go but once we got an adult to come up we had a lot of fun with them.

I remember mid abseil I asked the other instructor to halt the teacher going down and I shouted the knots haven't been adjusted for adult size. That was the face of fear that looked up.

Felt very sad afterwards that
>> No. 4106 Anonymous
5th January 2013
Saturday 11:20 pm
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That was a practical joke or true and he died? What was sad?
>> No. 4107 Anonymous
6th January 2013
Sunday 8:55 am
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It was a joke , seeing her face look up made me think about it for days.

Another time I told a group of kids you will be needing 3D glasses for this activity (they were cheering and whooping getting really excited about it) and I said they were just underneath the bench they were sitting on.

There was no glasses and I saw their excitement crush before my eyes.
>> No. 4108 Anonymous
6th January 2013
Sunday 9:05 am
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>abseiling instructor
Sounds pretty cool actually.
>> No. 4109 Anonymous
6th January 2013
Sunday 9:20 am
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You are a cruel and brilliant genius.
>> No. 4111 Anonymous
6th January 2013
Sunday 4:41 pm
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I was a TEFL teacher at the same location (foreigners come to the camp to learn English/have fun). The teaching part is what made me quit , the company treated the teachers like shit.

No time to prepare lessons , after lessons they were making us work nights and all this while the other instructors were getting trips to Thorpe park :(
>> No. 4129 Anonymous
10th January 2013
Thursday 5:52 pm
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Someone has started smearing shit on the walls in the toilets. Wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't almost exclusively used by 'professional' women.

Makes a change from trying to guess who has bulimia.
>> No. 4131 Anonymous
10th January 2013
Thursday 11:50 pm
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Can you put up cameras (in non pervy locations) in the toilets?
>> No. 4132 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 8:11 am
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That'd be up to the people who own the building and they don't seem arsed. There's a fair few companies in here so I doubt the shit spreader won't get caught. It's nearly as bad as school; used tampons rubbed all over the seats, flushers and door handles, unflushed shite, pissy tissue left all over the place. Fucking animals.
>> No. 4133 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 8:17 am
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* will get caught. Whoops.
>> No. 4134 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 8:30 am
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Where the hell do you work? They sound like proper chavs.
>> No. 4135 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 8:41 am
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For a firm of accountants. There's solicitors, architects, marketing companies and all sorts in here.
>> No. 4136 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 9:06 am
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Well no-one expects marketers or accountants to have any class, but architects should at least know how to look after themselves.
>> No. 4137 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 9:28 am
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if I worked as an architect I would slowly brick off all my workmates, slow imprisoning them.
>> No. 4138 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 11:08 am
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This may surprise you, but some women are very unhinged.

You may have to put with lads (the ones who go to the likes of Malia and take dozens of pictures where they're naked with their mates, probably tea bagging one another) who think it is so jokes to leave a huge unflushed turd or to piss everywhere except the actual toilet, but some women are far, far worse.
>> No. 4139 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 11:21 am
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>> No. 4140 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 12:38 pm
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I'm pretty sure the only thing that makes smearing your menses all over the walls somehow "worse" than smearing your shit all over the walls is because of this latent belief that periods are somehow inexpressibly dirty and foul, probably because they only happen to half the population so are viewed as something exotic and unusual by those who don't experience them. Or perhaps it's just a law of averages, where 100% of the population are capable of creating poop-smears, but only 50% of the population are capable of doing menses-smears, so naturally poop-smearing is more common and menses-smearing happens less frequently and seems, again, a little more exotic and taboo by comparison.

That said, leaving your used period rags anywhere except a bin is fucking disgusting, and I pity the cleaners who have to clean up some lazy, unhygienic bint's unwrapped sanitary towel from the top of the bins in the ladies loos. I know I certainly hate seeing it, the same way I object to seeing poo smeared around a toilet seat. The fact that I've seen both of these things in a ladies' loos really makes me despair for humanity sometimes.
>> No. 4141 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 1:10 pm
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It went far beyond smearing. I'm talking using the string to fasten used tampons to door handles. There are many horrors lurking in schoolgirl toilets.
>> No. 4142 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 1:17 pm
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>That said, leaving your used period rags anywhere except a bin is fucking disgusting,
In-fucking-deed: >>/101/7521
>> No. 4144 Anonymous
11th January 2013
Friday 1:18 pm
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>> No. 4145 Anonymous
12th January 2013
Saturday 2:05 pm
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I don't even begin to understand the thought processes behind why another woman would do this.

She must be mentally ill to some extent, I just don't even...eurgh.
>> No. 4157 Anonymous
15th January 2013
Tuesday 10:29 am
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Recently did a stint of temping over xmas for some extra cash. The person next to me was a dimwitted girl. She was really judgemental about other people's work (and people themselves) despite her own work being not outstanding.

She'd ask the most basic questions and couldn't even add up the number of completed sheets she'd done that day. This wouldn't be an issue but she's studying to be a primary school teacher. What hope do the next generation's youngsters have?

The worse part was breaktime. I hung around with the women (majority of women in my group) and all they would do is gossip over the most basic, banal, mundane shit over and over again. They kept speculating over why this person left despite having very little information. I've been told it's like this in work generally and that holds some water but this was ridiculous.
>> No. 4158 Anonymous
15th January 2013
Tuesday 11:04 am
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Gossip at work is brutal and ubiquitous. I think a competitive environment brings out the worst in women. I get daily reports about which staff are gay, or alcoholics, and who fancies who, and my god I just don't care.

I once found myself being the only bloke working with a team of lesbians. That was brilliant. They don't gossip at work because they need to save their energy for the lezzer scandals, they don't complain like straight women, they don't make everything a competition like straight blokes, and they don't bitch like gay blokes.

TL;DR: hire carpet lickers exclusively.
>> No. 4159 Anonymous
15th January 2013
Tuesday 11:33 am
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Lucily I've not had to work in an office that does it, but I've seen it loads of other times happen....
>> No. 4162 Anonymous
15th January 2013
Tuesday 6:43 pm
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I knew a few people who are teachers, I'd say about half of them are thickos.

The women in my office don't really gossip, the majority of their conversations revolve around food. It tends to be the thinner ones more obsessed with it.
>> No. 4169 Anonymous
15th January 2013
Tuesday 10:04 pm
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>I think a competitive environment brings out the worst in women.
I think it brings out the worst in men too, just in a different way. The ultra-competitive thing but also the politicking is there too, just in a different form.

>I've been told it's like this in work generally and that holds some water but this was ridiculous.
No, that's pretty much par for the course. Avoid it if you can and good luck if you can't.
>> No. 4170 Anonymous
15th January 2013
Tuesday 11:27 pm
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Friend of mine works in school improvement. The kind of gig where the shit results necessitate intervention. Said person goes in to boost the GCSE and A level results, and is good - so it works. The staff apparently don't read books and consider this person a bit of weirdo for knowing a lot about English.

They can't spell very well, can't pronounce things like 'caesura' (KYE-SHOORA apparently), don't read the poems/books but teach the kids to 'feature spot' (i.e. underline the similes)...so it goes.

Naturally when the results do improve, its these same logheads who get the credit. My friend is now considering trying to organise pupil strikes.
>> No. 4173 Anonymous
16th January 2013
Wednesday 12:37 am
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Fucks sake, is it really going to be like that? At the moment I'm on course for a 2:2 because I'm a slacking cunt, but I want to go into teaching...I don't want to do that if I'm surrounded by people who tried really hard to be as good as I am when I'm failing. How can one avoid schools with thick cunts? Should I be looking to the country or just schools with prestige?
>> No. 4175 Anonymous
16th January 2013
Wednesday 2:23 am
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A close acquaintance worked for one of the best schools in the country. It is very well known. This person wrote the children's coursework and rehearsed oral examinations with them.

This was standard practice in the school.
>> No. 4176 Anonymous
16th January 2013
Wednesday 2:38 am
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Yeah, it's kind of crazy how arbitrary the place of good fortune is in people's early lives.

For example, my geography teacher was head examiner for the exam board, also a brilliant teacher, and everyone did phenomenally well and had their imaginations and interests in the subject fired up. Like 80% of the class got A at A level because of him. I was gonna drop out of school at 16, and he (almost on his own) sustained my interest in learning and geography, and now I'm studying for a postgraduate.

And then my biology teacher was a drug addicted extreme 'leave-the-kids-alone-they-will-work-if-they-want-to' liberal hippy and everyone got trash grades and hated the subject. He didn't turn up to classes and spent the whole time telling self-indulgent anecdotes about his student life and much-needed soft drug reform. It really fucked up the chances of a lot of kids who needed top marks in Biology for their medical/dentistry applications.

It's obviously possible to overcome bad teaching, and to self-teach - but the impact a good teacher has at such a formative time is pretty astounding. That's what I would aim to be >>4173. It doesn't matter what kind of morons fall into teaching because they cant compete in the graduate job market in this economy, you can be an inspiration and profoundly alter kid's lives for the better.
>> No. 4177 Anonymous
16th January 2013
Wednesday 8:31 am
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My science teachers at school were awful and I lost interest in the subject. The rest were neither especially good or bad. College, alcoholic accounts teacher notwithstanding, was great. At uni all but 3 lecturers (4 if you include the trainee who could relate any subject matter to his native Zimbabwe and something negative about Mugabe) would just regurgitate the lecture slides and not add anything else until it came to the last 2 weeks of the semester, when they'd tell us what would be in the exams. I think they saw students as an inconvenience that got in the way of pretending to do academic research.
>> No. 4182 Anonymous
17th January 2013
Thursday 7:33 pm
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The girls at work are obsessed with getting cards that everyone is expected to sign; one week it's congratulating someone in Leeds branch for squeezing out a kid, the next we're sorry that someone in London's dad died or congratulating someone in Edinburgh for getting engaged. I don't mind writing in birthday cards for the people I actually share an office with, but this is a bit much.
>> No. 4183 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 2:20 am
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I've worked at three places, in two totally different environments (two of the places I worked were different branches of the same retailer, the other place was an office), and they were all full of gossip. The shops were mainly young people bitching about managers and talking about how the security guard is a flirt and about that fat lass on shoes giving a dirty look to the slutty girl on accessories or the LADs of the shop talking about how they'd fuck the Irish bird. The office's gossip was less nasty and vindictive, as most people who worked there were 30-50 year old women, but I didn't like the fact that they gossiped about me.
>> No. 4184 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 7:24 am
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>I think it brings out the worst in men too, just in a different way. The ultra-competitive thing but also the politicking is there too, just in a different form.

Oh, absolutely. Men usually are quick to point out the flaws in each others work, to other people, or to just believe they are better than everyone else, to the detriment of the project. In many ways gossip is preferable.
>> No. 4185 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 7:25 am
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I've always found that having objective third parties point out flaws in my work that I can't see is beneficial to whatever I'm working on.
>> No. 4186 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 8:01 am
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There's a huge difference between constructive criticism and one upmanship. Both genders indulge in dick waving.
>> No. 4187 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 8:28 am
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I prefer my dick waving to be done by either myself, or a chubby lass who would let me piss in her arse.
>> No. 4188 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 8:28 am
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Me too, but the coworker who wants the same promotion you do is not an objective third party.
>> No. 4189 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 8:53 am
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I got given one of these signed-by-everyone cards when I was leaving my job at the time (to go back to uni), along with an envelope with some money in it, and we all had a few pints at the pub after work. It was nice. I still have the card somewhere probably. I'd been there a bit over a year.

I am now working at the same place, with the same people, and my six-month contract ends in a month's time. I wonder how long someone needs to work in a place before they get a leaving do?
>> No. 4190 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 9:55 am
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>I wonder how long someone needs to work in a place before they get a leaving do?

Depends how much people like you. I would say once you hit the year mark they'd feel obliged, though.
>> No. 4194 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 1:29 pm
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Never had one in twenty years, and no one I know has save for a guy that used to work for Bradford and Bingley. He left to go and die of a rare cancer.
>> No. 4195 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 1:50 pm
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I guess it depends on the working environment, too. An office floor of 200 is probably never going to give you a decent send off, but a small shop of 10 or so working in a tight knit environment would.
>> No. 4196 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 4:19 pm
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One associate's 'leaving do' consisted of filling up a skip behind the shop with the most valuable items on sale. That was a close-knit small business, run by the usual tight fisted wanker paying poverty wages. He sacked the guy who had managed his two shops for twenty years with no severance pay, and he died shortly after of a stroke, following a six month bender.
>> No. 4200 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 9:53 pm
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Pointless group e-mails. 100+ people do not need to receive a dozen e-mails that consist of nothing except in-jokes of 2/3 people sat next to each other.
>> No. 4201 Anonymous
18th January 2013
Friday 10:23 pm
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On a similar note, at the place I was working recently instead of using the "____-allusers" address, someone copy and pasted the entire address book of about 2000 or so names including people in the american offices, just to say that someone had left their cars headlights on.

The email came to about 2MB, just due to the enormous address list.
>> No. 4202 Anonymous
21st January 2013
Monday 3:34 pm
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It gets worse when some moron then manages to reply to all.

I am now retired, and in the time coming up to that I have to admit I severly abused company e-mail purely to piss people off.
>> No. 4203 Anonymous
21st January 2013
Monday 4:40 pm
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If you think that's bad, look into "the Bedlam incident" at Microsoft.
>> No. 4462 Anonymous
27th March 2013
Wednesday 4:28 pm
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Shared kitchens. Some people are animals.
>> No. 4463 Anonymous
28th March 2013
Thursday 12:28 am
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retarded hr person to ALL:
"it was xxx's birthday/xxx is leaving/xxx went on holiday/xxx was sick/xxx was feeling nice, there's cakes in the kitchen!"

never mind we have 50+ buildings all over the uk with numerous kitchens in each one.

nearly every fucking week. Fuck you Debbie, you must be a right fat bitch.
>> No. 4467 Anonymous
28th March 2013
Thursday 2:31 am
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I sort of fancy the HR-types though. It's like forbidden fruit.
>> No. 4468 Anonymous
28th March 2013
Thursday 2:31 am
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I've been getting snotty emails from someone on the other side of the globe reminding me that I must NEVER, EVER leave coffee cups in the staff room.

If I ever end up in New York I'm filling that fucking room with coffee cups and bits of paper that explain the difference between clicking "all users" and "local users" in the fucking email client
>> No. 4469 Anonymous
28th March 2013
Thursday 8:08 am
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>retarded hr person

Mine must have a folder of templates for letters and e-mails that she saves over every time she uses them. She doesn't proofread so it isn't uncommon for her to refer to you by several different names (I had Kevin, Michael and my actual name all used in the letter I got when I joined) and she doesn't delete e-mail trails so she has on more than one occasion shared information that was meant to be confidential. Most of what she writes makes literally no sense, they either let her get away with it because she is Indian or because she has some dirt on the people high up.
>> No. 4875 Anonymous
4th July 2013
Thursday 11:54 pm
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The taps in the toilets at work go from freezing to scalding in a matter of seconds, so you need to be swift (or use more than one sink) if you want to wash your hands properly. There's an absolute bastard who leaves the taps on ever so slightly, so if you're not careful you'll put your hands straight into boiling water.
>> No. 4876 Anonymous
5th July 2013
Friday 12:08 am
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>she has some dirt on the people high up

Most likely.
>> No. 4877 Anonymous
5th July 2013
Friday 12:47 am
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This happens in companies more often than people realise. I've seen more than one "inexplicable" invincible employee who could almost spit in the manager's face and get away with it.
>> No. 4878 Anonymous
5th July 2013
Friday 12:48 am
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Disposable cameras at the Christmas party...
>> No. 4879 Anonymous
5th July 2013
Friday 1:56 am
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I once passed out at my desk after having taken GHB at work. I still didn't get fired.
>> No. 4880 Anonymous
5th July 2013
Friday 7:48 am
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I've only ever known that happen in the public sector. If you're in the office side of things then it's almost impossible to get fired, including one old bloke who would regularly nap at his desk, cut his toe nails or just fuck off for an hour because he fancied a wander. Once he took me on a tour old all the old courtrooms in the guild hall because he was bored of working. He never got in bother for it, they'd just try and move him to another department.

Incidentally, one of the council directors was known to spit at people. There were far too many people on power trips.
>> No. 4881 Anonymous
5th July 2013
Friday 8:00 am
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Ethnic minority women just don't get fired. Ever.
>> No. 4882 Anonymous
5th July 2013
Friday 8:03 am
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That's because they'd then have to go through the hassle of hiring another ethnic minority woman to meet quotas.
>> No. 5026 Anonymous
18th July 2013
Thursday 11:33 am
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Every morning for the past fortnight someone in my office has had the same pack of foul smelling crisps. I don't know what flavour they're meant to be, but they're either McCoys or Seabrooks and reek of putrid cat food.

Reception have had to send an email out to say they've been forced to lock the disabled bog because people are literally leaving shit (and other bodily fluids) all over the place.
>> No. 5033 Anonymous
20th July 2013
Saturday 1:38 am
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I got one fired by putting my phone on audio record as she tried to lie her way through a disciplinary she was trying to put on me to cover her own back. It was fucking glorious.
>> No. 5034 Anonymous
20th July 2013
Saturday 1:47 am
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I thought it was illegal to record people without their consent.
>> No. 5036 Anonymous
20th July 2013
Saturday 1:57 am
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It was a disciplinary hearing so I was within my rights to record the proceedings. But as far as I'm aware, it's perfectly legal to record a physical conversation, it's only when you record a phone call you start getting into shaky ground, but even then I don't think it's as clear cut as that.

I'm not even nearly a lawyer though so fuck if I know.
>> No. 5037 Anonymous
20th July 2013
Saturday 1:59 am
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Then you are a fucking dullard. No biggie, but dear God read the fucking papers every now and then. Not only is it llegal it has been recommended that all people record important interactions by a high court judge.
>> No. 5040 Anonymous
20th July 2013
Saturday 2:16 am
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Then the County Councillors have won. Mate, it's not illegal, in any sense.
>> No. 5042 Anonymous
20th July 2013
Saturday 12:24 pm
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>Not only is it llegal it has been recommended that all people record important interactions by a high court judge.
Which case?
Because that isn't what Google says.
>> No. 5043 Anonymous
20th July 2013
Saturday 4:12 pm
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I did try and track it down last night, but the fucking search terms regarding the case are too general.

High Court ruling last year. A guy in London had an autistic brother. He was getting a lot of stick from council workers who wanted to take him from his brothers house and into a non-London care facility, for dubious reasons. His brother started recording all interactions with them via a hidden dictaphone, which came in useful when two of them falsely accused his brother of assault.

Council prosecuted, and bullshitted their way through until court, at which point the recordings where produced and the case fell apart. The presiding judge commended him on making the recordings, said that the council's actions would have resulted in a "grave miscarriage of justice" and advised all citizens to take similar steps when dealing with authority. Case was duly slapped out of court.

Ruling was covered by the ES, Indy and Graun at least, and the Eye had been all over this case like a rash for a year or two before.

If anyone can track this down I would be very happy.
>> No. 5056 Anonymous
24th July 2013
Wednesday 10:46 pm
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You're not conflating the case of Steven Neary with something else are you?
>> No. 5057 Anonymous
24th July 2013
Wednesday 10:50 pm
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No. Steven Neary is white.
>> No. 5058 Anonymous
24th July 2013
Wednesday 10:59 pm
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What do people in human resources and marketing do all day? I can't see how it's actually a full-time job.
>> No. 5059 Anonymous
25th July 2013
Thursday 12:31 am
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Checking Facebook and bitching about your upcoming wedding (they always seem to be getting fucking married) apparently takes up the hours between 9am and 5pm quite neatly.
>> No. 5090 Anonymous
7th August 2013
Wednesday 9:59 pm
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"I can't see a copy of the illustration on the file, have you saved a copy on the shared drive before you send it to the client that we can print out later or shall I make a copy of this one now?"


"Thanks for talking down to me and explaining things that I already know like I'm an idiot when I'm just trying to cover your arse Alright."

I don't think I'd mind so much if she didn't only talk down to me about things I clearly already know.
>> No. 5092 Anonymous
8th August 2013
Thursday 2:08 am
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Customers in general, and the people who deal with them on behalf of myself.

"Hi can you do this thing for customer x please?"
"No, it's physically impossible/morally reprehensible/worth four times more than they're paying"
"Oh ok. Well they're really insisting on it, are you sure?"
>> No. 5093 Anonymous
8th August 2013
Thursday 6:21 pm
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The Admin Head at my office has explicitly said that she won't hire men on the admin team because she wants to have the office as female dominated as possible. Evidently it's more important to hire on their ability to natter about zumba/yogalates/boot camp, what they're making for tea (dinner for you Southern Jessie's) tonight, Embarrassing Bodies/One Born Every Minute, spreading gossip and sharing almost every aspect of their personal lives than their ability to do the job.

I reckon letting women take over HR and have control over who gets hired is why female graduates are less likely to be unemployed and earn more when they do find employment than their male counterparts.
>> No. 5094 Anonymous
8th August 2013
Thursday 6:40 pm
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Can't you report her to someone at least? Maybe give an anonymous tip.

That's discrimination even if it is hip and trendy to discriminate against men.
>> No. 5095 Anonymous
8th August 2013
Thursday 9:27 pm
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She'd find out it's me, it's not worth it.
>> No. 5096 Anonymous
8th August 2013
Thursday 9:40 pm
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But you'd be a whistleblower like Bradley Manning and Edward Snowden. Wouldn't you like that? Hm? It's all the rage nowadays.
>> No. 5097 Anonymous
8th August 2013
Thursday 10:12 pm
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I'd probably end up with them dipping tampons in my tea. I can't smash the matriachy.
>> No. 5098 Anonymous
8th August 2013
Thursday 10:28 pm
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Whistleblowers don't drink tea. It's just one of the many things they have to sacrifice in order to save us all from the evil blah blah blah..
>> No. 5099 Anonymous
8th August 2013
Thursday 10:30 pm
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I don't mean to other staff members but another group unrelated to your office.
>> No. 5100 Anonymous
9th August 2013
Friday 1:04 am
5100 spacer
Yes it fucking well is. You see sex discrimination and you ignore it? You bloody woman.
>> No. 5133 Anonymous
12th August 2013
Monday 5:44 am
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Oh, come off it, being asked for recommendations is one of the most exciting times at work.

As an example... Last time a woman came in asking me about DVDs I successfully recommended and sold a pile of Nicholas Cage films.

Much merriment was had by all.
>> No. 5135 Anonymous
12th August 2013
Monday 7:30 am
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This best have included Con Air and Face/Off.
>> No. 5136 Anonymous
12th August 2013
Monday 9:11 am
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Cage films are alright for the most part. He's the absolute master of mental breakdowns, so even for those only most of his films are worth watching.
>> No. 5137 Anonymous
12th August 2013
Monday 11:26 am
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Cage is a fucking excelleng actor. He just accepts terrible roles so he has the cash to buy T-Rex fossils and shit.
>> No. 5138 Anonymous
12th August 2013
Monday 11:37 am
5138 spacer
Citation; http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/nic-cage-2009911?stop_mobi=yes
> His homes included three castles -- plus two islands in the Bahamas. Among his "dozen or so" mansions, one Bel Air home, purchased in 1998, features a billiard room with a 1955 Jaguar parked inside plus an array of "shrunken heads."
>> No. 5139 Anonymous
12th August 2013
Monday 12:02 pm
5139 spacer

Strange world.
>> No. 5140 Anonymous
12th August 2013
Monday 12:51 pm
5140 spacer

The trouble with these people is that they floated into a high earner wage and in a position of authority over people whose jobs they've never really done or understood beyond a powerpoint presentation. On top of that they look at the workers as merely replaceable tools and make the mistake of assuming that because work is low paid it is not hard work or requires some concentration or brains too.

This is why it ends up such a disaster when they come floating in to "assist", or even worse, actually run the place at shop level. They'll take advantage of the temporary nature of their placement to put off everything they should have been doing for the bare minimum and then scuttle off leaving a mess. When they get back to HQ they will remain ignorant and continue to add new tasks and duties to the pile for managers and shop staff, without any increasing in staff or hours.

When that poor attitude sets in to the corprorate structure up top it is a rot that will get worse and worse as it spreads down (often via similar bullying and aggression down each rung) and it hits the company where it hurts in the end. Seen it before too many times.

There's probably a stone carved calendar somewhere, resembling something the Aztecs would have dreamed, except detailling the ends of each of these cycles of madness for companies.
>> No. 5141 Anonymous
12th August 2013
Monday 12:53 pm
5141 spacer

I'll add I'm getting to watch some mates go through the same thing at their jobs. Must be the economic or political climate is causing the bastards to spread out and take root with their poison in new locations in recent years. It is amazing how one person can make so many so miserable and do so for years on end unfettered.
>> No. 5142 Anonymous
12th August 2013
Monday 1:53 pm
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Cage has one special ability and that seems to be to go nuts. The best roles I've seen in him he is just going nuts. He's like Keanu Reeves most the time with a wooden and distant feeling otherwise.

A good director or writer would use him perfectly of course. Remember his AMAZING vampire film? Perfect use of him.
>> No. 5180 Anonymous
17th August 2013
Saturday 9:22 pm
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Oh hey, here's someone whose not your friend, but you know their name and work in the same office

>yeah i'm good

every fucking time?
>> No. 5186 Anonymous
23rd August 2013
Friday 11:13 am
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Completely my own fault, but I've just spent 40 minutes on a spreadsheet and then closed it without saving.
>> No. 5187 Anonymous
23rd August 2013
Friday 12:13 pm
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>> No. 5191 Anonymous
23rd August 2013
Friday 8:51 pm
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I work in a hotel as a housekeeper

We don't get keys to any rooms because we're not trusted, the head housekeeper goes around to every room that has checked out and opens the door then jams the bin in the door to keep it open.

When you use the hot drink services provided in the room they aren't cleaned properly, I'm told to rinse them out in the rooms sink and then leave them for the next guests that check in.

I wouldn't advise anyone to stay in a budget hotel.
>> No. 5193 Anonymous
23rd August 2013
Friday 10:59 pm
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Is your name Louis by any chance...?
>> No. 5195 Anonymous
23rd August 2013
Friday 11:47 pm
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Ever found anything particularly horrible / inexplicable in a room?
>> No. 5196 Anonymous
24th August 2013
Saturday 12:12 am
5196 spacer
ur mum
>> No. 5245 Anonymous
5th September 2013
Thursday 6:54 pm
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One of the women I work with double clicks every time. I know she's had it pointed out on more than one occasion that sometimes she only needs to click once but it hasn't stopped her.
>> No. 5284 Anonymous
18th September 2013
Wednesday 10:56 pm
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People who take their grievances home with them (I'm fully aware of where I'm posting this), namely my future mother-in-law.

Whenever my girlfriend speaks to her mum on a weekday she usually has to endure a 20/30 minute diatribe about so-and-so skiving and not doing what he was told or that wossherface has it in for her. It's quite alarming that the local day care services my council provides for adults with learning disabilities seems to be run by people less mature than the service users who spend all day engaged in petty squabbling and one-upmanship.

I don't see the appeal in regularly talking about work when you're outside of work, unless you're the type of person who needs to vent regularly or you actually have nothing of note going on in your life apart from your job.
>> No. 5285 Anonymous
18th September 2013
Wednesday 11:27 pm
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Aye. If your work is so awful and your private life so empty that you have nothing better to talk about, just fucking kill yourself.
>> No. 5397 Anonymous
3rd October 2013
Thursday 12:34 pm
5397 spacer
Not really an annoyance, but why do some women feel the need to announce when they are going for a wee?
>> No. 5398 Anonymous
3rd October 2013
Thursday 1:06 pm
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You don't mean if they leave you mid-conversation or mid-group task? You mean they are working quietly at their desk, and then stand up and broadcast it to the whole room?
>> No. 5399 Anonymous
3rd October 2013
Thursday 1:06 pm
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They do that? I know some blokes who do that in the middle of conversation, but never heard of women doing that.
>> No. 5400 Anonymous
3rd October 2013
Thursday 1:12 pm
5400 spacer
well uh what else are you supposed to do if you're chatting to people and need to go? Lie?
>> No. 5401 Anonymous
3rd October 2013
Thursday 1:42 pm
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>> No. 5402 Anonymous
3rd October 2013
Thursday 1:49 pm
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You can just say 'sorry, lads, I'll be right back'. You don't have to say things like 'I'm off to give birth to a brown baby'.
>> No. 5404 Anonymous
3rd October 2013
Thursday 10:24 pm
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The proper male response is 'just off for a slash' and then you swagger out of the room.
>> No. 5405 Anonymous
3rd October 2013
Thursday 11:16 pm
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If you're a dick, that is.
>> No. 5406 Anonymous
4th October 2013
Friday 12:36 am
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How about "gotta take a squirt lads", I'm always partial to that one.

Although my favourite for use on classy dates has got to be "Will you please excuse me my dear, I need to go shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, with whom I hope you will meet later." yes I have no idea how to correctly use whom, state school education innit
>> No. 5408 Anonymous
4th October 2013
Friday 3:06 am
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It's better to be a dick than a swallower.
>> No. 5409 Anonymous
4th October 2013
Friday 4:09 pm
5409 spacer

That usage seemed fine to be honest, but you need to learn what a semicolon is.
>> No. 5423 Anonymous
7th October 2013
Monday 5:23 pm
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Spot on whoming, don't worry. The preposition 'with' denotes the dative case, for which whom is the proper Modern English declension.
>> No. 5475 Anonymous
25th October 2013
Friday 10:56 pm
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They're on about Secret Santa at work already. Bollocks to that.
>> No. 5476 Anonymous
25th October 2013
Friday 11:15 pm
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Regarding Christmas, the music hasn't begun yet. Thank christ there's no secret santa at mine. There's usually a little low profile party which is basically crisps and alcohol on a table and you spend about an hour or two there for Christmas.
>> No. 5477 Anonymous
25th October 2013
Friday 11:35 pm
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We're going to a casino this year, which is a vast improvement on the past 2 years.

I'm still miffed about last year's Secret Santa. I put a fair amount of thought and effort into my gift and what did I receive back? This.
>> No. 5478 Anonymous
28th October 2013
Monday 3:12 pm
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At about 16 I managed to get a job as floor staff at a opening nightclub in town. At £6 an hour I was beyond chuffed as most of my mates were on like £4. It started off relatively ok. General duties included glass collecting, bar backing, greeting customers, table service, checking the VIP rooms... then she arrived.

I've never wanted to kill anyone more than this fucking lesbian South African self-righteous woman. Basically the nightclub wasn't making enough cash, so she cut the floor staff down from 5 to 1. TO FUCKING 1. 1 PERSON TO DO EVERYTHING APART FROM THE BAR IN A FUCKING NIGHTCLUB. Understandably, this slows shit down a lot. I cannot move faster than a glass washer. I cannot serve a VIP table while i'm cleaning up a glass breakage. She once asked me to take the chewing gum out my mouth as i'm chewing "aggressively" and may upset customers.

I'm not commenting on favouritism here but when she became manager the staff dwindled down to me being the only in-club male and everyone else being young good looking girls whom she would invite out... Realistically I think the only reason I kept my job is because I was good friends with the owner and she hated it. I actually got promoted briefly before I left to the HEAD OF PROMOTIONS TEAM which meant I had to lead a group of people around town saying COME TO OUR CLUB. It was painful. One of the girls once told me she "remembers being born" and told me I was discriminating for saying she didn't.

Reading this back this was hugely incoherent and disjointed, forgot how much I hated that job. Fortunately I love my job now.

If you're ever in the East-Mids, do not go to said nightclub. Also please be nice to glass collectors in clubs, they have a shit time.
>> No. 5479 Anonymous
28th October 2013
Monday 3:20 pm
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>One of the girls once told me she "remembers being born" and told me I was discriminating for saying she didn't.

I don't know why that created audible mirth but it did. What arseholes the world is full of.
>> No. 5480 Anonymous
28th October 2013
Monday 3:31 pm
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We have a corporate Christmas event every year. It usually takes place around Febuary, because until then there's no way we can get anything to accomodate nearly two thousand people from all our branches. It's still always pretty crammed and Ukrainians drink all the cognac they can find faster than you can even get to it. The last time we also had those horrible Freddy Mercury and Johnny Depp impersonators to greet guests and an 'anime photo booth'.

Sage for not really staying on topic.
>> No. 5481 Anonymous
28th October 2013
Monday 3:57 pm
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Yeah ok mate I'll make sure to avoid that nightclub you haven't told me the name of.
>> No. 5482 Anonymous
28th October 2013
Monday 4:03 pm
5482 spacer

You'll know it when you walk in.
>> No. 5483 Anonymous
28th October 2013
Monday 4:36 pm
5483 spacer
>One of the girls once told me she "remembers being born" and told me I was discriminating for saying she didn't.
This is fucking hilarious.
>> No. 5484 Anonymous
29th October 2013
Tuesday 8:27 am
5484 spacer
Women who make a big deal about not using a computer at home because they're fed up of seeing them after spending most of the day in front of a computer screen (usually throwing in an implication that using a computer in your spare time is for saddos) but instead they veg out and watch the likes of Waterloo Road and Eastenders because they want escapism where they won't have to engage their brains.
>> No. 5485 Anonymous
29th October 2013
Tuesday 8:31 am
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They also tweet from their phones and play shitty three in a row games on them.
>> No. 5486 Anonymous
29th October 2013
Tuesday 8:32 am
5486 spacer
m8, it's all about Candy Crush these days.
>> No. 5524 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 7:32 am
5524 spacer
>>4005 here again.

>> No. 5525 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 11:56 am
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Out of interest lad, whereabouts do you work?
>> No. 5526 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 11:30 am
5526 spacer
Oh god the memories.

At one firm I've worked for (IT reseller), one of our main suppliers would take the department out for an all-expenses binge night. Drinks, meal somewhere nice, and a nightclub. Sounds great, yeah? Except for our staff, who mostly consisted of morbidly obese passive-aggressive women, mostly mothers who get a night out once a month to the local gastro-pub with their shaven-headed Frontera driving Engerlund tattooed menfolk.

Result: Carnage. Pissed up and shrieking by 8:30pm; the meal (such as a top-end Chinese banquet) left largely untouched, as they ordered the most expensive wines on the list (none of which they could appreciate, even if they had been sober.) At least one would have a total meltdown in the bogs by this stage, and several others would decide to get their saggy tits out.

Just one of these nights could engender a deep understanding of Conrad's Kurtz - not just "The horror!" but more pertinently: "Exterminate the brutes."
>> No. 5527 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 11:38 am
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I think that kind of behaviour is common among UK women regardless of background and age. In my experience, anyway.
>> No. 5528 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 1:11 pm
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>At least one would have a total meltdown in the bogs by this stage

A very amusing summary of most company nights out - this point particularly well observed. Why is there always one (woman) who does this?
>> No. 5529 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 1:36 pm
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I remember a lad here (who I think might have worked as bar staff?) describing hen nights that would follow a roughly similar pattern. Their post said something like "they laugh hard and loud because God knows if they didn't, they would cry."

It's stuck with me since.

>> No. 5530 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 1:40 pm
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Aside from making people generally less emotionally stable, alcohol also grants people the mental freedom to assess their life in a frank manner - to think and talk about all the things that'd normally be swept under the rug. If upon getting drunk I realised that I was a chronically bored, morbidly obese middle-aged woman stuck in a dead-end job and a lifeless marriage I'd probably have a fucking teary too.

I also notice that the craziest women in the office politics stakes always seem to be on those ridiculous diets where they have something like a handful of grapes and a black coffee for lunch. I'm not sure if it's the lack of food that makes them crazy, or if you need to be a bit unhinged to go in for that sort of thing in the first place, but either way, when those ones get drunk at the Christmas do, approach with caution.
>> No. 5531 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 2:08 pm
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The thing is that people have that mental freedom already - it's really only to Brits, in my opinion, who act so fucking insufferably when pissed. Another lad, who like me has lived abroad in Europe, has also remarked that perhaps the apparent British 'repression' is a factor in our shitty behaviour when drunk.
>> No. 5532 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 2:29 pm
5532 spacer
My experience is that British people just drink more, and more quickly. I'm not sure it's anything more complicated than that.
>> No. 5533 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 3:56 pm
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I think this is correct to some extent. The reason behind this repressed behaviour I'm less sure of, is it just a remanent of the old 'stiff upper lip' thing or something more modern?
>> No. 5534 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 4:17 pm
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I find any public emotional display unseemly unless it's from a child. Wouldn't dream of crying in public.

Amusingly timed observations here, my lass just had a work do and lo and behold, a girl got absolutely trashed and winded up crying and puking her guts out in the bogs.
>> No. 5535 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 4:28 pm
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>If upon getting drunk I realised that I was a chronically bored, morbidly obese middle-aged woman stuck in a dead-end job and a lifeless marriage I'd probably have a fucking teary too.

I'd be really scared and confused then maybe have a look for Rod Serling.
>> No. 5536 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 6:58 pm
5536 spacer
Does this extend to couples kissing in public, do you find that 'unseemly'? I'm in two minds; as a mate of mine pointed out it can seem like they're trying to 'prove' something and it makes me a little uneasy. On the other hand, I'm not sure if it's just pointless jealousy and/or repressing of feelings that causes this uneasiness. I guess it depends a lot on context.
>> No. 5537 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 7:06 pm
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This is all true, however maybe a simpler explanation is just that alcohol is a depressant? If you're highly extroverted and attention seeking you are less likely to have your own coping mechanisms for feeling depressed and therefore more likely to rely on the attention of others to make you feel better.
>> No. 5538 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 7:27 pm
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A 'depressant' is not just 'a drug wot makes you depressed', mate. That's a very big oversimplification you're thinking of in my opinion.
>> No. 5539 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 7:31 pm
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I don't care about people kissing in public, it fucks me off when friends their gfs or whatever and such do it around me when we're in conversation or watching something together or something like that.
>> No. 5540 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 7:49 pm
5540 spacer
That's fair enough.

Well maybe I'm just thinking of my own experiences but after the initial euphoria alcohol always makes me feel down if there isn't something interesting going on to distract me. However I'm the sort of person that will just be quiet and not do much when this happens, as opposed to some people whom I'd imagine would need attention to counteract this.
>> No. 5592 Anonymous
29th November 2013
Friday 10:08 pm
5592 spacer
>>5245 here again.

Something I was working on today crashed. It turned out to be because of connectivity issues, but because I click/scroll too fast to her liking she tried to blame it on that and made a big deal out of it. Christ, it's like when I was a teenlad and my mum would ask me to do something on the computer for her. Except I'm stuck in an office with this woman for 35-40 hours a week while we're on computers for most of the time.
>> No. 5593 Anonymous
29th November 2013
Friday 10:16 pm
5593 spacer
Is she retarded?
>> No. 5594 Anonymous
29th November 2013
Friday 10:19 pm
5594 spacer
She's a middle-aged woman. It tends to be the norm, in my experience.

Knowing something as basic as Alt + Tab to switch between windows is seen as witchcraft/being a complete computer nerd and will be met with the scorn mentioned in >>5484. COMPUTERS JUST DON'T LIKE ME.
>> No. 5595 Anonymous
29th November 2013
Friday 10:25 pm
5595 spacer
>Alt + Tab
This brings on a /101/ moment for me. We've got some silly thin client/virtual desktop thing doing on at work. I might have around 20 windows open, and Alt+Tab gets me "desktop" or "session". It's really fucking hard to unlearn a reflex like that.
>> No. 5596 Anonymous
29th November 2013
Friday 11:14 pm
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Whenever I use awesomewm, I get this too.
>> No. 5597 Anonymous
30th November 2013
Saturday 12:42 am
5597 spacer

This isn't anything to do with /job/ but I hate how my college won't allow me to use task manager or even mess around with the taskbar properties due to the nannyware they've got on there. Pic related is what I hate the most. I prefer to have my tasksbar buttons uncombined even though I usually use alt-tab to get what I want.
>> No. 5598 Anonymous
30th November 2013
Saturday 1:41 am
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>Knowing something as basic as Alt + Tab to switch between windows is seen as witchcraft/being a complete computer nerd
The account in my office knows me as the "techy guy" because I showed her that hovering over the time in the taskbar will show her today's date. That's it.
>> No. 5599 Anonymous
30th November 2013
Saturday 8:15 am
5599 spacer
I like to press F11 when they're not looking. There's been a few frantic calls to our IT department over the years from that one.
>> No. 5603 Anonymous
3rd December 2013
Tuesday 9:30 pm
5603 spacer
Quite petty, but we have to print out a fair number of e-mails at work and so many pieces of paper are wasted by people not using print preview and ending up with one page that they actually need and a second that is usually the last line or so of an e-mail signature, which will just be chucked in the bin. Boils my piss.
>> No. 5604 Anonymous
3rd December 2013
Tuesday 9:32 pm
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What if they left it on your desk instead for you to use to scribble on?
>> No. 5605 Anonymous
4th December 2013
Wednesday 1:03 am
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This image looks awfully familiar. Does anyone know if happens to be the office of a now (thankfully) deceased web design company run by a twat called Rob and a cunt called Neil somewhere in central Lancashire?
>> No. 5637 Anonymous
4th December 2013
Wednesday 4:56 pm
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The irony here is you are probably OP and made this thread while strung out on cheap cider and pigs in blankets.

The OP reeks of pork sweats.
>> No. 5639 Anonymous
4th December 2013
Wednesday 5:01 pm
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Really? I smell hammers.
>> No. 5641 Anonymous
4th December 2013
Wednesday 5:39 pm
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I find the smell of hammers quite pleasant.
>> No. 5754 Anonymous
12th December 2013
Thursday 6:39 pm
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They're on about introducing wizards for the software we use and champions for the processes we have to do. NEED SOME HELP WITH EXCEL? ASK YOUR NOMINATED OFFICE WIZARD.

>> No. 5755 Anonymous
12th December 2013
Thursday 6:45 pm
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Fuck's sake. What's wrong with gurus?
>> No. 5756 Anonymous
12th December 2013
Thursday 6:51 pm
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This just shows how this country moves farther and farther away from its Christian roots. We used to call people like that evangelists.
>> No. 5757 Anonymous
12th December 2013
Thursday 7:18 pm
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I suspect it's less to do with religion and more to do with the sort of dribblers who work in such places being unable to spell hard words like "evangelist".
>> No. 5759 Anonymous
14th December 2013
Saturday 7:50 am
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Not workplace per se, but people (alright, women) where 80% of their Facebook posts are along the lines of "just two more days then three days off work!" Is annual leave so special that you need to declare when you're taking it?
>> No. 5760 Anonymous
14th December 2013
Saturday 8:29 am
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For the past 3 months I've been having the same conversation with someone working for another company in the same building when we meet in the corridor:-

>Yeah, you?
>Monday morning/Friday, innit?

I think yesterday was the first time we had something resembling an actual discussion, even if it was just about Christmas parties.
>> No. 5768 Anonymous
19th December 2013
Thursday 2:14 pm
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Christmas party soon.

The women have been left to their own devices; when I came back they'd already started on the wine and were talking about angora wool, Lee Rigby,Baby P and paedos. It's all gonna end in tears. I've snuck in the bogs for a poo. The calm before the storm.
>> No. 5769 Anonymous
19th December 2013
Thursday 5:15 pm
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Sounds like a legend of a party. Lucky you.

Try to at least get someone to hook up. Nothing better than seeing the walk of shame out of the bogs or the stationary cupboard.
>> No. 5770 Anonymous
19th December 2013
Thursday 5:53 pm
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>> No. 5776 Anonymous
21st December 2013
Saturday 3:45 pm
5776 spacer
So what happened lad?
>> No. 5779 Anonymous
23rd December 2013
Monday 5:31 am
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Nothing of note, really. Although it was quite a fun night; most of the conversations were pure filth.
>> No. 5787 Anonymous
25th December 2013
Wednesday 7:20 am
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Opened my Secret Santa last night, £10 Amazon voucher. Quite pleased with that.
>> No. 5799 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 10:23 am
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I have fuck all to do until I finish at 5. I only had a handful of things to do yesterday and it was a task making them stretch out all morning. I hate working this time off year.
>> No. 5800 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 10:24 am
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>time off year.

Whoops. The brain rot is setting in.
>> No. 5801 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 10:30 am
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I'm at work and not so busy. The office is completely empty, I think the cafe staff are here to serve only me.
>> No. 5802 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 10:57 am
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Do they stare at you while you eat? That would freak me out.
>> No. 5803 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 11:00 am
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No. I'd wonder why if they were, they're almost certainly being paid more than me. Such is life as a student.
>> No. 5804 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 11:04 am
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>I'd wonder why if they were

Maybe it's your weird looking head?
>> No. 5805 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 11:07 am
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Look who's talking.
>> No. 5806 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 11:10 am
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Never seen it.
>> No. 5807 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 12:36 pm
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Keep it that way. You're better off with Baby's Day Out.
>> No. 5808 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 5:17 pm
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In that situation I'd have just gone home, especially on NYE.
>> No. 5809 Anonymous
31st December 2013
Tuesday 6:33 pm
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I'd have been alright if it was just me on my own. We ended up leaving early at half 3. I only received two emails all day, both internal and one was sent to everyone, and the phone didn't ring once.
>> No. 5810 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 3:59 am
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>Working part time for Home Office doing Immigration Casework, shit pays well
>Over 9000 racist fucks refusing anyone because they're not white
>Be issuing / refusing based on evidence provided, chief caseworker says I am accepting too many and to be more suspicious of african applications
>Dat privaliged racism

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 5811 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 4:04 am
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>> No. 5812 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 4:17 am
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>and to be more suspicious of african applications
That's not racist. It's to do with both a demonstrably higher incidence of fraud and the generally poor state of governance. In general, former British colonies have better state apparatus than others, but it's still possible that they have undocumented citizens, or documented individuals that don't exist.

Of course, the place you really want to be careful of is India, which is possibly the only country in the world to have societies for people who are legally dead.
>> No. 5813 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 4:25 am
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To be fair, you are correct, the applicants from Ghana / Nigeria are receiving an almost ~%70 rejection rate at the moment. But I thought it was relatively racist to put a stigma on their skin colour or origin when the reason they're mainly being refused is because of their marriage laws (proxy marriages, usually.) Rather than forgeries or false evidence / overstaying too long.

To be fair from India, the applicants I have processed have always been extremely polite and honest, have only ever refused say 3 or so in comparison to >500 Ghanaians / Nigerian nationals.

It just grinds my gears when other caseworkers give extra scrutiny and checks to people based on skin colour. When high flying bankers or professional footballers apply, we get a call from "above" and generally issue without looking at the evidence even.
>> No. 5814 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 6:56 am
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>When high flying bankers or professional footballers apply, we get a call from "above" and generally issue without looking at the evidence even.


You can buy legal citizenship in the UK anyway if you have the cash. I'd expect such phone calls to allow the Russian millionaires in or whomever else is wanting to come in with similar sums of money.
>> No. 5815 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 8:27 am
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Err...I do not really know what to say.
>> No. 5816 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 11:19 am
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Immigration isn't for the benefit of immigrants, despite what UKIP believe.
>> No. 5817 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 12:16 pm
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/pol/, lads.
>> No. 5818 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 12:33 pm
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It's not /pol/, it's just facts. The guy who works in immigration here weirdly seems to think he's there to better the lives of foreigners, when in reality he's there to manage the inflow of labour with respect to his controlling organisation.
>> No. 5819 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 1:05 pm
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>> No. 5820 Anonymous
1st January 2014
Wednesday 1:19 pm
5820 spacer
>> No. 5837 Anonymous
20th January 2014
Monday 8:55 pm
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"Electricians" as opposed to actual electricians. "I want a cable, a strong one", "I want a plug, a strong one", "I'm wiring up a 2.5kW heater, can't you just give me 0.5mm two core"? I mean fucking hell, the saying "The Brits like to burn down their houses with gas fires, not electric ones" used to mean something. I'm not a sparky (let that sink in) but the amount of times I've had to serve people who clearly had less clue than me… (2.5mm 6242Y to make up a trailing socket? Clearly a good idea over 2.5mm 3183Y because the former is "more strong"). It's quite a regional complaint, but blimey…

Sorry sparky lad, I'm sure you deal with this every day.
>> No. 5838 Anonymous
23rd January 2014
Thursday 8:17 pm
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People who leave things for other people to sort. It's only little things - like taking a fax off the machine, noticing it's used the last of the paper and not topping it up or taking the last of something from the stationery cupboard, leaving the empty box inside and not telling anyone we need to order some more shite - but it's the office equivalent of not replacing an empty toilet roll tube.
>> No. 5839 Anonymous
24th January 2014
Friday 6:31 pm
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There's signs in the bogs at work along the lines of 'Gents, please leave these toilets in the state you'd like to find them.' Someone has left their arse explosion (it's hard to class it as a shit, it was an absolute mess. They must have some form of defective bowel) unflushed in the loo, closed both lids, taken the sign off the wall and left it on top. There's also someone who keeps deliberately pissing under one of the urinals, it has been confirmed it isn't a leak. Fucking animals.
>> No. 5840 Anonymous
24th January 2014
Friday 9:03 pm
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A mate of mine told me he recently got an email from Facilities along these lines:
>The building manager has today locked all the disabled loos in the building. This is due to vandalism and the presence of illegal drugs. For the record, it wasn't the one on our floor.
>> No. 5841 Anonymous
25th January 2014
Saturday 11:04 pm
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I work at Maplin and I regularly serve apparent electricians who have no fucking clue what they're on about.

Some guy earlier today was asking me if he could "get rid of the wattage and the resistance but still have the voltage and the amps". Or something. It was hard for me to wrap my head around the concept he was trying to explain, but it happens almost every day. Some nutter will arrive in a van, decked out in a company sweater and those grey trousers with the padded knees and toolbelt, and come in to the shop to proceed to ask us the basics of what a resistor/capacitor/whatever is and does, usually having to get us to do the relevant maths for them to work out which they need.

It shouldn't piss me off as much as it does but the fact is these people are getting paid, presumably, more than me (and I get minimum wage so chances are) for skills that they seem to mostly, if not wholly, lack. What does an electrician actually know about that my common sense and background of GCSE physics and DT hasn't already given me? What does that fancy certificate they have to have actually prove?
>> No. 5843 Anonymous
26th January 2014
Sunday 7:25 am
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Someone keeps putting the bog roll in our loos the wrong way around, so the flap of the roll is facing the wall. I make a point to turn them all around the right way but they keep fucking doing it.

>> No. 5844 Anonymous
26th January 2014
Sunday 7:26 am
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Also someone had smashed a bottle of tabasco into one of the toilet bowls. I want to bring it up with people, but it can't be entirely sure it wasn't me when I was pissed.
>> No. 5845 Anonymous
26th January 2014
Sunday 11:29 am
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They been trained to follow a plan and set of rules by rote, without questioning or deviating from the rules.
A mate of mine was an electrical engineer, degree educated, worked designing large-scale circuit installations. Got bored of the desk job, so trained as an electrician, working for himself. He said fellow trainees often didn't actually understand electricity, and know what current, resistance, potential difference etc. actually mean in physical terms. They just know which bit goes where and how to connect it all, in a very prescriptive way.
>> No. 5846 Anonymous
26th January 2014
Sunday 3:16 pm
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Eurgh I think the term he's looking for is 'power'. That's like talking about 'metre-age'.

If someone really knows that little about basic DC circuit theory, how are they meant to have a chance at understanding AC circuits and complex impedance?
>> No. 5847 Anonymous
26th January 2014
Sunday 3:19 pm
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Get rid of the power?
>> No. 5848 Anonymous
29th January 2014
Wednesday 12:20 pm
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There's a new receptionist at work (middle aged, overweight, loud, thinks it's acceptable to get a 4 year old an iPad because "you've got to spoil them at Christmas") and she keeps trying to be funny but we're not on the same wavelength/I'm boring/I don't want to play along. For example, our department went out for a fancy meal the other night and she boomed at me "can I come? YOU THINK I'M JOKING, DON'T YOU?" but it wears thin when it happens several times a day, usually with her pointing out she's joking.
>> No. 5849 Anonymous
29th January 2014
Wednesday 12:51 pm
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>Can I come?
>I don't know, how's your technique?
>> No. 5850 Anonymous
29th January 2014
Wednesday 3:33 pm
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Sorry but we don't have 2 seats free.
>> No. 5851 Anonymous
29th January 2014
Wednesday 3:39 pm
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Actually that's just rude. I appreciate how 5848 might not be a huge fan of their new receptionist but it doesn't sound like she's a bad person.

Having worked with some really nasty individuals who treat others badly for no good reason at all, I'd take someone who's heart seems to be in the right place but just fails at what they're trying to project than the former any day of the week.

Appreciate that you posted to vent and I can completely understand you annoyances, keep in mind though, it could always be a lot worse. A lot.
>> No. 5852 Anonymous
29th January 2014
Wednesday 3:50 pm
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>Actually that's just rude.
>> No. 5853 Anonymous
29th January 2014
Wednesday 4:27 pm
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Same person 5852.
>> No. 5948 Anonymous
27th February 2014
Thursday 7:58 am
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The Christmas after my girlfriend's grandma died her estranged dad decided it would be a good idea to send her and her siblings Christmas cards from beyond the grave - they had a picture of her on the front and a message inside warning them not to forget about her. I can't remember the specific wording but it was really, really odd. I wouldn't say they ruined Christmas, but they did not go down well.
>> No. 5949 Anonymous
1st March 2014
Saturday 6:26 pm
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Hmmmmm.... I sense a business opportunity.
>> No. 5950 Anonymous
2nd March 2014
Sunday 6:11 pm
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That's the funniest thing I've read in a while.
>> No. 5973 Anonymous
6th March 2014
Thursday 2:11 pm
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I now work in one of those business parks full of two storey square buildings. The layout means that the stairs, kitchen and bogs are in the centre, with a meeting room taking up one of the sides and the rest of us in an open plan horse shoe. I do not enjoy shitting in this building. I am paranoid they can hear me as we're only separated by a wall. I used to spend over an hour a week at my old job shitting and on my phone when I should be working. It's really getting me down.
>> No. 5998 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 3:42 pm
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Our marketing department have sent out a snotty email to say that we must use their specific out of office wording or our branding will be harmed. It's bad enough that most of what they come up with is grammatically incorrect and then sent to our clients/potential ones, I'm talking not even knowing the difference between its and it's - I think the record is 6 basic and glaring errors on an A5 flyer, but they really will do any shite to justify their existence.
>> No. 5999 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 4:05 pm
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Point this out to your superior, gain points.
>> No. 6000 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 4:43 pm
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He hates them more than I do, but the marketing women are based in head office and are meant to have some of the directors wrapped around their little fingers.
>> No. 6009 Anonymous
24th March 2014
Monday 3:37 pm
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The ladies in the office are excited because last Friday of the month = dress down day, which means they'll be wearing what they do for the rest of the month (i.e. almost whatever they want) but with JEANS.
>> No. 6010 Anonymous
24th March 2014
Monday 6:43 pm
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I'd hate to work in a place like that. For me, every day is a dress down day.
>> No. 6011 Anonymous
24th March 2014
Monday 6:52 pm
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Every day is dress down day if you're female.
>> No. 6013 Anonymous
24th March 2014
Monday 7:55 pm
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This is only tangentially related to this topic, but I want to say it somewhere, anyway. There's someone at my university who I know was born as a male but now wears dresses and handbags. I haven't spoken to them for a long time, so I'm not sure if it's to do with their sexuality or not, but I do quite admire them for wearing what they're comfortable in.
>> No. 6014 Anonymous
24th March 2014
Monday 9:25 pm
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There is this individual in my building that was clearly once a man - and not too long ago. To crudely describe; picture a clean shaven fat man with massive double D's, long black hair (dyed with cheap dye), and clear masculine features.

She seems like a nice person, and I accept who she is - but I can't help to think of all the bullshit she must put up with on a daily basis.

☑ Privilege
>> No. 6020 Anonymous
25th March 2014
Tuesday 12:30 am
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Maybe they want to transition and the NHS is making them "live as a girl" for a year. I read about one going to the doctor wearing jeans (like many girls do obviously) and the doctor said he wasn't making enough of an effort.
>> No. 6021 Anonymous
25th March 2014
Tuesday 12:32 am
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My next door neighbour is trans. It's not incredibly obvious. She's like a slightly androgynous Paul O'Grady type. She still gets her mail and prescriptions for her male name though. I don't know why.
>> No. 6022 Anonymous
25th March 2014
Tuesday 1:17 am
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She's MTF if that's not obvious. She wears jeans and fleeces like a lot of women do around here (Salford). She doesn't really wear make-up but has longish hair and must have taken enough hormones to develop about A-cup breasts. The name she goes by is a female name but when I've taken parcels when she's out, they're in a male name and I'm sure there's no way she lives with a guy I've never seen in the four years I've lived here.
>> No. 6024 Anonymous
25th March 2014
Tuesday 6:11 am
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>I'm sure there's no way she lives with a guy I've never seen in the four years I've lived here.

>> No. 6025 Anonymous
25th March 2014
Tuesday 7:09 am
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>fleeces like a lot of women do around here

Do these fleeces have wolves, horses or dogs on?
>> No. 6027 Anonymous
27th March 2014
Thursday 8:50 pm
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>Everyone getting excited if they were bringing in a buffet for some pointless meeting full off bullshit management doublespeak, flow charts and stupid acronyms purely because of the chance of a free sausage roll or whatever.

I think this has happened at every single office I've worked in. Usually from women who usually mention on a daily basis whether they've been good/bad food-wise, but if anyone from the office actually brings cake/biscuits in they won't touch them because they're watching their figures. It's alright for them to snaffle 4 plates of quiche from the conference room, mind.
>> No. 6028 Anonymous
27th March 2014
Thursday 8:51 pm
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>Usually from women who usually

I really need to get out of the habit of repeating words in the same/every other sentence.
>> No. 6029 Anonymous
27th March 2014
Thursday 9:06 pm
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I thought it was only me who did this. Once a word gets into my mind-RAM it has a habit of staying there without welcome and being reused without sans thinking.
>> No. 6030 Anonymous
28th March 2014
Friday 3:18 pm
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Yeah, like when you're writing a report or something and the same phrase keeps coming to mind and you can't get away from it.
>> No. 6037 Anonymous
22nd April 2014
Tuesday 7:44 am
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This. This would drive me up the wall.

>She comes home everyday from work and tells me a story about how incompetent other stores are.
>> No. 6038 Anonymous
22nd April 2014
Tuesday 2:23 pm
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I've never worked in an office. What kind of reply do you think I'd get if I asked "What does 'squaring the circle' actually mean?"
>> No. 6039 Anonymous
22nd April 2014
Tuesday 3:43 pm
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That you can tumble try whatever is being spoken about.
>> No. 6040 Anonymous
22nd April 2014
Tuesday 3:50 pm
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Come on lad. It's not hard.

>> No. 6063 Anonymous
7th May 2014
Wednesday 4:14 pm
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Every letter and e-mail that comes in or goes out has to be attached to our 'document management system'. Now, this wouldn't be so bad if people actually bothered to name each document they attach so that it'd be easy to retrieve something specific quickly. As it is, I have to open about seven or eight documents in some instances because they all have the same name (whatever the activity entry is titled) and there's no guarantee I'll even find what I'm after.
>> No. 6084 Anonymous
19th May 2014
Monday 2:02 pm
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After days of having builders noisily installing a new air con system, the past two months or so has seen daily arguments on whether the temperature is too hot or too cold. I wish we could just go back to radiators, opening the window and desk fans. I really do.
>> No. 6085 Anonymous
19th May 2014
Monday 2:34 pm
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We just got air con installed in our kitchen. The entire thing from request to installation was an ordeal that took up half my time. As such I am never, ever turning it off, and currently we're standing in a commercial kitchen that is 16 degrees celcius. That might be a world record. It's truly an auspicious occasion. When we turned it on, two chefs hugged, one wiped a tear from his eye, and I saluted it. I'm going to draw a face on it and declare him in charge.
>> No. 6086 Anonymous
19th May 2014
Monday 3:13 pm
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I've just bought a high-powered floor fan for my room. Seems like the best thing is to point it at the ceiling and create a cool draft round the whole room - much easier than air con, at least.
>> No. 6087 Anonymous
19th May 2014
Monday 3:17 pm
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Please make a little paper chef's hat and BlueTack it on the unit.
>> No. 6088 Anonymous
19th May 2014
Monday 5:17 pm
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Fucking hell that must be glorious. I remember when I worked as a KP at a hotel during the summer when I was younger and we had to have the door to the kitchens which were in a basement wide open. After every meal session we all stripped out of out whites and sat outside under parasols drinking, because our whites were completely sodden with sweat. At it's worst it was around 30 degrees in that kitchen, it was fucking torture.
>> No. 6089 Anonymous
19th May 2014
Monday 5:49 pm
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Last summer in our kitchen it hit 45 degrees on the cookline because the AC was broken, we were forbidden from spending more than 15 minutes at a time there and had to keep and drink lots of water.
>> No. 6090 Anonymous
19th May 2014
Monday 11:17 pm
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I recorded ours at 45 degrees last year. They told us to open some windows.
>> No. 6091 Anonymous
19th May 2014
Monday 11:20 pm
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You have windows in your kitchen? You lucky bugger. I didn't see sunlight for 3 weeks straight at Christmastime.
>> No. 6092 Anonymous
20th May 2014
Tuesday 1:44 am
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I'm not sure whats worse, being stuck in a windowless dungeon is always pretty depressing, but so is having a panoramic view of everyone outside enjoying the weather when you're indoors.
>> No. 6168 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 9:01 am
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There is an obese woman who drinks a 2 litre bottle of Diet Coke at her desk every day. What is it with fatties and Diet Coke? You're not going to lose the lbs that way, love.
>> No. 6169 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 9:03 am
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What is it with skinny people assuming fat people are so stupid that they pin their dieting hopes (which may or may not even exist) on Diet Coke?
>> No. 6170 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 9:38 am
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Because you see loads of fat cunts stuffing their gobs full of food and following it up with a diet Coke.
>> No. 6171 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 9:42 am
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You're obviously not trying to lose weight if you drink 2 litres of Diet Coke whilst at work, probably followed by a couple of bottles in an evening. They probably use Diet Coke instead of milk on their cereal.
>> No. 6172 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 9:59 am
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Sigh. I'll be more explicit. It doesn't follow from that observation that they must think merely drinking Diet Coke will enable them to lose weight. It's entirely possible they just think they're getting an equivalent drinking experience with fewer calories. They might think this lower calorie intake (large meal + Diet Coke as opposed to large meal + calorific drink) reduces the likelihood of them putting on even more weight. To me that seems entirely reasonable. If I can see a coherent explanation behind someone's actions I tend to credit them with thinking that, rather than attributing to them nonsensical and fantastical thinking, perhaps to elevate myself above them.

Putting all that aside, it's a clichéd observation as are the jokes that follow from it.
>> No. 6173 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 10:29 am
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Fatty detected.
>> No. 6174 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 10:38 am
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Nah mate, I'd go to Japan and sell myself to whalers if I could ever be accused of being a fat cunt.
>> No. 6175 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 10:41 am
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If you're on a calorie controlled diet then it's absolutely going to help. Firstly, it's pure sugar and even fat people can be aware it's bad for you. They probably drank normal coke at some point and switched, or are trying to wean themselves off it. You can lose weight eating nothing but pies as long as you're counting calories, and you should know that yourself. Diet coke is still pretty bad for you but she'll not be getting any fatter by drinking it.

It's akin to taking the piss of a fat bloke on a treadmill - you're directly observing them doing something ostensibly good for them (not equating diet coke with the gym before you start) yet you're disdainful.
>> No. 6176 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 11:14 am
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She has had a 2 litre bottle of Diet Coke on her desk for years, I doubt she's trying to wean herself off it.
>> No. 6177 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 6:45 pm
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In what sense is Diet Coke bad for you? Is it purely the aspartame or the psychological sweet-flavour dependence?

I'm interested - because I lost a huge amount of weight several years ago, primarily through eating an extremely clean and controlled diet, but drinking huge amounts of zero cal soft drinks to rid myself of the depression that accompanies spartan living.
>> No. 6178 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 6:54 pm
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His phrasing was clumsy but I'm pretty sure he was saying sugar-laden Coca-Cola is bad for you and Diet Coke is a more sensible alternative for the overweight.
>> No. 6179 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 7:08 pm
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There are some commonly reported medical side effects of artificial sweeteners and all the other stuff that goes in to diet coke and the like, such as kidney problems, but really without sitting down for the weekend and reading all of the relevant studies it's hard to say one way or the other. Even then, you're dealing with a lot of bumf.

I think common sense would say that water is always going to be better for you in the long run than diet drinks, but it's going to be an issue of contention for as long as the media's reporting on medical studies remains as shoddy as it currently is.

I don't think anyone would advocate drinking proper coke over diet coke though, so it is a useful tool.
>> No. 6180 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 7:14 pm
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>Is it purely the aspartame or the psychological sweet-flavour dependence?
Not him, but the lack of sugar makes you eat more. The sweet taste primes your brain for sugar but none is forthcoming.
>> No. 6181 Anonymous
30th May 2014
Friday 8:05 pm
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There's (admittedly limited) evidence to suggest the body's insulin levels can respond to artificial sweeteners in a similar way to the sugary versions. I'm not sure I'm entirely convinced, but aside from that there's much stronger links with the consumption of large amounts of diet soft drinks and renal problems and a higher appetite. On an anecdotal level, drinking a litre of water makes me full, drinking a litre of diet coke makes me want to eat.

It's still far better than proper coke, but as someone who used to weigh almost 19 stone I know how hard it can be to give up the fizzy stuff entirely.
>> No. 6182 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 10:24 pm
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Had a fairly interesting day at work today.

Learned that a bloke working with us on community service was arrested again for bringing his daughter to work. His girlfriend called the police saying she was kidnapped. Though she is 15, not an infant as I assumed. He was arrested previously for "accidentally" trapping his girlfriend's fingers in a car door and harassing her on facebook.

Another bloke who was initially a very nice person has turned nasty. He's a smelly man. His odour contains every foul smell that a human body is capable of. He smells of BO, foot odour, shit kecks and piss. I think it's because he wears the same clothes every day. We were reluctant to tell him this because he was so nice and wanted to spare his feelings. However he has it in his thick skill he deserves authority and has become an arsehole both in attitude and smell in recent months. He has tried it on with several women who have had enough of his shit and one woman called him a vile and awful human being who stinks of shit. As a result he no longer works on the same day as that women.

His attitude towards my work has got to me where he thinks I do everything wrong and thinks he deserves my job. The pure bitchiness behind my back got me fairly riled up at first when I make every effort to ensure my work is correct, accurate and without reluctance to ask superiors for assurance I am doing my work correctly. At some point someone is going to smack his head in or at least have a very stern word with him about his conduct. The latest thing he's done is claim he's slept with another superior, while this person has a soft spot for him, she still considers him an absolute cunt.

Among other people at work there's a girl who claims she is a lesbian and often walks past outside of work with her latest conquest. She considers herself something of an upper middle class darling but does not think she is a snob. She said out loud that she "dislikes stupid people" as if to imply the people she works with are nothing but plebs. The reason she thinks herself something of a clever clogs is because she works in the hospital too but we all know she's just a part time receptionist. She also has BO.

Then there's me. I am not without my faults. I leave my area to go for a cigarette break once an hour, I am too chatty ending up completing tasks in four hours when it should only take one hour. I complain too much about trivial things and I fear maybe I too smell of BO especially in this summer heat, I really should bring in some deodorant and spray myself at lunch.

Fun times
>> No. 6183 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 10:57 pm
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It sounds like you work in a kitchen of some sort. If that's the case I'm genuinely surprised he hasn't been shitcanned, or at the very least had someone shit in his locker.
>> No. 6184 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 11:02 pm
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Nothing as refined as a kitchen.
>> No. 6185 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 12:05 am
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I don't know how people can drink so much fizzy pop, every time I drink regular coke it's like I can feel my teeth rotting away unless I brush straight away. Energy drinks I can understand because of the wired caffeine/sugar high but coke (cola...) doesn't nearly give the same feeling. Give me a cup of tea or coffee any day.
>> No. 6186 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 12:25 am
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When you drink it cold, it is like a weight has been lifted off your chest/shoulders. I get the same feeling you would get after... Say after moving houses and you got everything (all your boxes) in your new houses. You place your hands on your hips, inhale and exhale loudly. It makes me happy. That very first sip is like sticking your cock into the hottest whatsherface. It is like being in a desert for days on end and finding an oasis. It is like being the only survivor of a horrific car pile-up on the M1.

It might be slightly addictive, if you have an addictive personality like me, but I only crave it for a few days and after that I feel okay again... Until I drink it again.

Lately I have been drinking some 3 or 4 cans of Vanilla Coca-Cola everyday. The scent after you open it, as you hear it fizzing, is just so heavenly. If I get rich enough, I will fill my pool with soft drinks.
>> No. 6187 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 12:40 am
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>Lately I have been drinking some 3 or 4 cans of Vanilla Coca-Cola everyday.
Christ, that stuff is deadly. All the sugar but even more moreish.
>> No. 6188 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 1:11 am
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I'm the same way. I used to drink a little when I was younger and it was fine, but now I barely touch the stuff and my teeth really feel it when I do. I have friends who go through at least one litre bottle of coke a day and I have no idea how they manage it. I can only imagine their trips to the dentist.
>> No. 6189 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 8:45 am
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Do you have a very salty diet? I'm sure I read somewhere that having a lot of salty food makes you crave sugary drinks, which is why McDonald's even make their burger buns salty.
>> No. 6190 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 12:23 pm
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This post made me crave McDonald's cheeseburgers.
>> No. 6191 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 3:42 pm
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I really hate the way companies like McDonalds get away with calling that yellow plastic shite they slop on their burgers "cheese."
>> No. 6192 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 4:59 pm
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It may actually be cheese, I think the laws regarding labelling cheese and cheese analogues are pretty decent in the EU.
>> No. 6193 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 5:06 pm
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At work yesterday we had an argument between three parties of customers. Today, one of these customers had complained to head office about me, and I had to write a witness statement to explain the situation. Thankfully the managers all knew I wasn't in the wrong. But seriously, fuck customers.
>> No. 6194 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 6:37 pm
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According to a quick Google it's 'a processed blend of Cheddar cheese'.

When the BBC did a series on Iceland last year or so the director made a big deal about their pizzas using proper cheese and said they're the only ones you'll get in that price range that aren't covered in analogue cheese.
>> No. 6195 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 6:43 pm
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>When the BBC did a series on Iceland last year or so the director made a big deal about their pizzas using proper cheese and said they're the only ones you'll get in that price range that aren't covered in analogue cheese.
It's a shame nobody asked them about their analogue chicken and beef.
>> No. 6196 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 6:47 pm
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The first thing I thought when you said 'analogue cheese' was "What? As opposed to digital cheese?"
>> No. 6197 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 6:52 pm
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This happens to my missus at work all the time. As long as you follow company guidelines and protocol, you will get all the support available from Head office.

Some customers seem to think just by complaining they have won, but 99% of the time she'll get a follow up e-mail stating they are upholding her decision to not refund, etc. On those days she comes home happy and I might get a blowie, they are good days.

For the uninformed, after 28 days no shop in the land is obligated to give you any kind of cash refund. Not even if it is broken, there is separate legislation for that. They will most likely go above and beyond, replacing like for like or giving you a store credit to keep you happy, but they don't have to do that.

If you complain about that after trying to get a cash refund on a 6 month old phone you've decided you don't like anymore, you are responsible for me not getting sex and are therefore a cunt.
>> No. 6198 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 7:33 pm
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>For the uninformed, after 28 days no shop in the land is obligated to give you any kind of cash refund.
Actually, they are for up to 6 months if the items are not as described or turn out to be unfit for purpose (which, if the buyer implies or expresses a particular purpose, includes that purpose). If it's appropriate, they can provide a replacement as an alternative.
>> No. 6199 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 8:06 pm
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Her issue wasn't anything like that. The situation was that two girls in the queue antagonised a middle aged woman next to them. These two girls had a joint with them, which the woman was attacking them for. Things escalated between them, and another woman approached my till and told me I should get security, which I did. Got back 2 minutes later with security, and the woman who sent me off was now shouting and swearing at the other people for shouting and swearing and upsetting her daughter (I found out that while I was gone, she was shouting for her own daughter to 'man up' which probably upset her more than anything). Anyway, it all got a bit nuclear, security separating folk, and the woman who told me to get security is complaining that I just wandered off and left her in the middle of an argument. Thankfully my colleagues are backing me up, because they all heard me clearly tell the woman I would go get security. Shit, the girl on the till next to me offered to serve my customer so she didn't have to wait, but the customer refused so she could shout more at strangers in the queue/at me. Fucking mental.

Apparently in her complaint to head office, she said that security should have thrown the girls out for possession of drugs (even though we're not narcotics officers), and she has gone to the local newspaper to tell them the scandal of drugs being in the store.
>> No. 6200 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 9:14 pm
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Textbook handling there. Crowd control isn't your job - it's security's job, which is what you summoned them to do in the first place.
>> No. 6201 Anonymous
3rd June 2014
Tuesday 4:18 pm
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The marketing department have unveiled an absolute monster of an e-mail signature; 5 images and 6 hyperlinks. An e-mail signature should not be greater than 200kb. Anyway, a fair few people have had e-mails bouncing back because other companies just think it's spam. The director who ultimately has the final say (who usually sends e-mails from his BlackBerry with no signature attached) thinks the fault is with the IT department for not being supportive enough of marketing because apparently we receive big shiny e-mails from other companies no problem.
>> No. 6202 Anonymous
3rd June 2014
Tuesday 5:15 pm
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>5 images
>6 hyperlinks
Oh God. I bet they aren't blended in any way at all and look like something a 14 year old would have made on geocities so many years ago. Do they have flame decals and spinning skulls straddling the signature all the way down too?
>> No. 6203 Anonymous
3rd June 2014
Tuesday 5:57 pm
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It might as well have. It's a hideous clusterfuck, I don't think any of the marketing bints know the meaning of the word succinct and would rather plaster everywhere ALL OF THE THINGS.
>> No. 6204 Anonymous
3rd June 2014
Tuesday 6:25 pm
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I can't fathom why marketing has to be involved in email signatures anyway. If you're in direct communication with the client already, what's left to sell? Raffle tickets?
>> No. 6206 Anonymous
3rd June 2014
Tuesday 6:28 pm
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If it isn't marketing approved then THE BRAND MAY BE HARMED.
>> No. 6207 Anonymous
3rd June 2014
Tuesday 6:36 pm
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I wonder how much these incompetents get paid for thinking this stuff up.
>> No. 6208 Anonymous
3rd June 2014
Tuesday 6:54 pm
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Between £26,000 and £42,000 a year.
>> No. 6324 Anonymous
20th June 2014
Friday 9:32 pm
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The IT lads have said in the first two weeks of June nearly 200 emails bounced back as spam, compared to just 2 in May. Rather than changing the signature the 'solution' is simply to delete it and re-send to anyone it's bounced back from.
>> No. 6335 Anonymous
21st June 2014
Saturday 9:07 am
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You think that's bad? Our IT and marketing combo (it is one guy) removed our simple 1 image sig for some multi image scripted monster with a non static hyperlink that shows a preview image of the target. Opening any email with it attached is a long process! Clearly it also has hyperlinks to every social media etc.
>> No. 6349 Anonymous
22nd June 2014
Sunday 6:13 pm
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The Kiss/Kisstory (I don't know) radio station being on daily, I've heard the same songs daily for almost two years. I'm not one to bitch about the radio but when it's this repetitive.
>> No. 6350 Anonymous
22nd June 2014
Sunday 6:36 pm
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Who decides what radio you listen to? We only get music at Christmas or if the higher ups are out for the rest of the day.
>> No. 6351 Anonymous
22nd June 2014
Sunday 10:56 pm
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Oh fuck, so much this. At least I could bring in my mp3 player and headphones and block out hearing Call Me Maybe for the 10 trillionth time.
>> No. 6352 Anonymous
23rd June 2014
Monday 1:53 am
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When I was working nights at a factory many moons ago they used to alternate between Radio 1 and local radio. Local radio was fucking nightmarish, especially Graham Torrington's late night love. Radio 1 was fine because you got Gilles Peterson and John peel. I would often take my Discman in though.
>> No. 6353 Anonymous
23rd June 2014
Monday 3:39 am
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it blows my mind that the people who control the radio can tolerate listening to the same songs everyday 5/6 days a week and not get smashed in the face with a waste paper bin, a keyboard and several staplers.

I don't care for pop music but I can tolerate it as long as I don't hear the same fucking songs all the fucking time. I mean christ there was a point in my life recently when I made plans to sabotage the radio because I was sick of hearing Pharrell William's Happy and Jason Derulo's Trumpets three times a day separately and more often next to each other.
>> No. 6354 Anonymous
23rd June 2014
Monday 3:42 am
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>> No. 6355 Anonymous
23rd June 2014
Monday 6:56 am
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The women at work love trying to get each other to watch the same things on TV (Silk, Broadchurch, Happy Valley, etc. rather than soaps) so they can talk about it among themselves. I bet it's to do with this level of familiarity for music.
>> No. 6356 Anonymous
23rd June 2014
Monday 7:54 am
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Err...does GoT count for this?
>> No. 6357 Anonymous
23rd June 2014
Monday 7:59 am
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Probably. My girlfriend has just started Orange is the new Black on Netflix because all the young 'uns at her work watch it and she doesn't want to feel left out.
>> No. 6358 Anonymous
23rd June 2014
Monday 12:06 pm
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Has she any wool?
>> No. 6360 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 7:43 pm
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Trigger Warning: Social recluses may begin to spasm/vomit/weep.


I mean, God, can you even imagine the horror of it?
>> No. 6361 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 7:50 pm
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>When most businesses belonging to the FTSE 100 index might have a strict, no-nonsense style, Admiral has a Ministry of Fun - a team dedicated to organising weekly social activities for staff

Fuck me. Did he not consider that maybe his staff would be happier to have the money spent on his shit parties in their pocket?
>> No. 6362 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 8:09 pm
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Sounds alright to me. My company usually has an annual piss up; it's always a laugh and nice to meet up with friends I have in other offices.
>> No. 6363 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 8:29 pm
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If it's a free bar, then all is forgiven.
>> No. 6364 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 8:38 pm
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£500,000 between 5,000 staff would be £100 each. If he does something like this once a year, that's £100 a year per person.

Instead of getting that £100, a lot of which would go on tax, they get something absolutely amazing, like having an office party in a massive national icon with a major pop celebrity in attendance and mingling with the guests.
>> No. 6365 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 9:58 pm
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>with a major pop celebrity

Ooh wow, my life is truly complete. Just give me my £10