|>>|| No. 27180
Excellent post - it's about building yourself up in tiny ways so that you:
a) increase your chance of coming across people with the potential to form relationships with
b) are in the best position, when 'a' has been achieved, to make a meaningful impact on potential partners each time you come across one
OP you put me in mind of me about 2 years ago, except I'd come out of the only real relationship I'd ever had in my early twenties and had previously had sex with her.
Having said that, it was looking bleak, I hopped on Tinder thinking 'ah no worries' and like you I'd had close to 0 response and worked in an all male environment with absolutely no chance there. You still seem to be in uni, which means it is now easier than it will ever be.
I had a mini panic and just decided that whatever happens I'll put myself in the best position possible for when I do come across girls. This meant increasing my social skills and the way I am as a person just in case that day come where there was a chance, no matter how small. My life is completely different now, girls actively take interest in me, I've got myself a new gf, I've the option to shag others if it comes up and am generally in a better position socially too, having gone from one distant uni friend, to rebuilding lots of friendships everywhere.
The things that helped me, starting with the easiest to fix first because you literally just have to do something (Assuming you do none of these things, but considering you are in this situation I am willing to guess you probably don't):
-Start exercising and going to the fucking gym. Pick some weights up and put them down a few times a week and do some cardio. I always thought because I was a slim guy that did a bit of running I didn't need to and I wasn't really a 'gym person'. The difference between the way people treat you when you start to look a bit more in shape is incredible, it builds your confidence and helps with the other points I'll list below. Women will find you attractive, men will respect you more and in general you'll feel and look better too, not just muscles wise, but skin, posture and other tiny plusses.
-Get a proper fucking haircut. My God, nobody ever said I had a bad haircut, in fact people would say my hair was nice and looked 'good' when I got it cut for a tenner, but when I once went and got a haircut costing a little over £20 people suddenly started to say 'wow you look great man' and 'you should have done that all along' and 'you look like a new man, an actual adult'. You don't have to get something wanky, but have a look at some hairstyles you think look good, take a picture or just do some reading online. I appreciate you're still in uni, get it cut once for every time you normally would or something if the money is a stretch.
-Say yes to every single invite you get socially (with the exception of anything that endangers you or puts you or your career or something else at risk), even if it's a pain in the arse to get to, you don't really fancy it, it's a sausage fest, you feel tired, work is busy that day. No excuses, just go. It gets you into the habit of going to things you don't want to, most of the time you won't enjoy it, once in a while you will. Most of the time you won't have any girls to speak to, once in a while one will be there and you will. This helps you build a solid network (friendship is about repeated, consistent interaction with like minded people) and also slowly builds up your social skills.
-Start inviting people out. You just said you have a few local school friends you are in contact with but then said you don't have anybody to go out with. Ask people for a pint, or if they fancy going into town, the worst that happens is they say no and you're in the exact same situation now. Most of the time they will probably say 'can't this weekend, but keep me in mind next time', it only takes one to click.
-Join some fucking societies mate, turn up at boxing society, chess society, any fucking society at your uni, pick two or three and join them and routinely go, I guarantee they'll have socials where they go out, where you can meet people and the like.
-Take care of yourself in other ways. Eat healthy, ditch the fizzy drinks or the excessive beer. Drink lots of water. Start moisturising daily. Use a face wash, exfoliate, these little things that will make a big difference to how you look over a small period of a few weeks/months.
-Get a hobby. Learn a language, do gardening for old people in the local area, cycle places, run, swim, go hill walking. Do something that when people ask what you do at the weekend you can occasionally drop in 'oh I'm out doing this' rather than 'not much', there's nothing worse than that boring line to have nothing to talk about.
-Stop focusing on getting the woman and focus on yourself. It's so cliche but it's true, I was doing all this and asked myself what the point was when it'd been over a year and no woman with a remote chance of a relationship had entered my life, then like busses, two came at once, but the difference was I was actually kind of interesting and looked reasonable rather than be in the position I was. They came out of nowhere that I could have seen either.
>>27179 has annoyingly summarised it all easily instead of my long ramble before I got to the end, but he's absolutely right.
Hope it helps somewhat OP, it might not, but eventually after seeing something similar somebody once wrote when I was in your shoes it just clicked for me and I'm sure it will for you too. It's when you focus on improving yourself the rest somehow magically follows.
Good luck mate.