[ rss / options / help ]
post ]
[ b / iq / g / zoo ] [ e / news / lab ] [ v / nom / pol / eco / emo / 101 / shed ]
[ art / A / beat / boo / com / fat / job / lit / map / mph / poof / £$€¥ / spo / uhu / uni / x / y ] [ * | sfw | o ]
logo
problems

Return ]

Posting mode: Reply
Reply ]
Subject   (reply to 30141)
Message
File  []
close
mother-in-law[1].jpg
301413014130141
>> No. 30141 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 12:59 pm
30141 spacer
Lads I need a bit of help with a slight domestic.

My partner's family is very, very close. There's only 4 and a dog, and they're the type of family who call each other multiple times a day. My family is not, we're happy with contact every so often, but it's still a loving situation. For context we're a youngish couple.

The problem is we've moved to London. We're in a 4 x 5 meter room with a single bathroom, and they've come to visit. Firstly it was just the mother, who is sleeping on an airbed in the room. I knew I'd have a problem with privacy so I agreed with my partner that she could stay for three days, before getting a hotel room, and then when the Brother comes down he can stay over the one night he's here and then we're golden.

On the third day, I ask my partner about what was happening, as I had got the impression from the Mother that she was staying for the full stay, and my partner replies that she hadn't said anything to her; and that it's only one more night. I also find out the brother is staying for 3 nights. I ask her, paraphrasing, what the fuck- as we'd agreed 3 nights because I wasn't comfortable sharing a room for that long. However, as the room is small, her mother overhears (or possibly listened in, as has happened before), and thinks I'm kicking her out. After a long conversation with my partner about how she was going to ask me for the extra night, I explain to the mother about space, how I'm still getting used to how close their family are, and that she should stay the extra night and then let the brother take her space. I fell on my sword to avoid the awkwardness.

Each member of that family (barring my partner thank god) snore. So loudly, I ended up measuring it: 75 fucking decibels. In a 4 x 5 meter room. I haven't been able to get to sleep until about 3 am about 4 nights now, which is a huge problem as I'm at work for 8am. This morning, I woke up late as I was kept up till 4 am. I see the entire family is in the room, cleaning, putting away clothes, and I freak out. I feel like shit, couldn't really walk straight, and honestly just begin to cry. I keep away from the family, but there's no space to just cry. I end up sitting on the toilet for about 15 minutes.

This issue has become much larger than the actual space, and it's become a family thing; she sees it as me trying to disallow her family from visiting. She says I've made it awkward after talking to her Mother, and that my face this morning made it awkward. Of course they're allowed to visit. I just need some space. For me, it's become an issue because we compromised over something that made me feel uncomfortable, and she ignored it, and didn't consider my feelings. For me, it's natural that anyone who would visit us would have the instinct to stay in a hotel room after a couple of days, for her it's natural that the family would be as close as possible. She and the Brother are staying in a hotel tonight, leaving me alone in the flat. We've never fought in the entire time we've been together, so this is new territory.

Lads what's a way out of this?
Expand all images.
>> No. 30142 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 1:22 pm
30142 spacer
I think the first thing to consider is that you're sleep deprived; any number of nights in the same room as heavy snorers is going to burn out your nerves. As it's a fragile situation, you want to not do or say anything further until you're as level as possible.
>> No. 30143 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 2:17 pm
30143 spacer
>>30142
I would agree. When you enter a partnership with someone, you magically inherit their family and problems, whether you like it or not. That usually isn't a deal-breaker in any sense, so I would stick out the next couple of days and talk to your partner then.
>> No. 30144 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 4:04 pm
30144 spacer
I don't know why but every couple seems to have a problem like this to varying degrees and it almost always follows the same gender divide as well. I've realised I posted about this before but it does cause shock in my partners when they find out I don't have a close relationship with my parents followed by the absurd rationalisation that they can adopt me into their own family.

Anyway, it's your house and they're clearly taking the piss so stick to your guns. If she can't appreciate this then best nip it in the bud sooner rather than later, hopefully she will come to her senses and the end result is her family will think you're a bit of a cunt but there's nothing they can do. I second the idea in >>30142 of getting some sleep and letting things stew, her family will no doubt gossip about you relentlessly which will cause your Mrs to start defending you.
>> No. 30145 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 5:47 pm
30145 spacer
The old fashioned Manly Thing To Do would have been to book yourself a hotel. If they won't stick to the agreement then you get yourself out of the situation. That would probably have got the point across that they've stepped over the line into your privacy and comfort without a confrontation, and there's fuck all they could have said about it because they still got their own way.

As it is I suspect you'll just have to grin and bear it until they're gone, and then you can get a good nights kip and have a proper conversation with your other half when you're both alone again. If there's one thing you don't want it's her family interfering in a matter that's really none of their business, it's between the two of you. If they're still there, her mum WILL interfere, that's what mums are like.

I don't want to derail the thread but it's always been a pet peeve of mine if I talk to a partner about a matter that's between us, and they go and blab about it to their mate or mum or whatever. Is that just me?
>> No. 30146 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 6:04 pm
30146 spacer
>>30143
>I would stick out the next couple of days and talk to your partner then.

This. Chances are you'll just have to suck it up. You'll probably end up coming across like an arse when it's brought up because family dynamics are weird. It's also something that isn't going to go away; I've been with my girlfriend for over 15 years and her mum still invites herself around about four weeks every year.

>>30145
It isn't uncommon for a woman to tell her closest friends all of the intimate details about your relationship, including things like the size of your cock and what you're like in bed.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23-hBKl86Y4
>> No. 30147 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 6:52 pm
30147 spacer

10153241.jpg
301473014730147
To try and ward off the sleep deprivation until you can think straight, get yourself to Boots or somewhere similar and get some earplugs.
>> No. 30148 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 7:13 pm
30148 spacer
Hi Lads,

small update since this morning.

She and the brother, along with the Mum and Dad are in a hotel now, and the brother walked off when I tried to say see you tomorrow.

I feel fucking empty boys.
>> No. 30149 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 7:18 pm
30149 spacer
>>30148
You can't back down now, you have to assert your dominance.
>> No. 30150 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 7:32 pm
30150 spacer
That's pretty mad to just sleep at the foot of your adult child's bed, that they're sharing with their partner, and then invite your other adult child to do the same thing. I'm clearly maladjusted because my parents are weirdos who hate everyone and try as I might some of that has rubbed off on me, but this seems like an immense intrusion. It's not like you called her mum a "prick" for trying some of your order from the takeaway or punched her brother for not taking his shoes off in the flat.

I really don't have any advice other than to say it's their behavior that's unusual and that I don't think you've acted untoward, especially not after your partner told you her family would be moving onto a hotel. I think that's the crux of the issue. If it's a money issue, IE, a hotel is too pricy, then I've got plenty of sympathy for that, but if that information hasn't been shared with you it's hardly your fault for not considering it.
>> No. 30151 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 7:36 pm
30151 spacer
>>30150
I totally agree it is their behaviours thats unusual - also, if it is a money issue, you don't travel - I mean 3 strangers in the same room as you is just weird, however they have lived their life before.

I would tolerate it for one night in an emergency but I think you're beating yourself up too much >>30148 lad.
>> No. 30152 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 8:33 pm
30152 spacer
>>30145
>The old fashioned Manly Thing To Do would have been to book yourself a hotel.

Fuck that. Every man's home is his castle.

>>30145
>Is that just me?

No, it really is true what they say that if you want to be someone's lover you've got to "get with" their friends.

And then they have the audacity to view us with suspicion like we're lying about not doing it because we're wrong'uns. I've taken in turn to lying about it and saying that I use a lesbian friend for advice on women because it sounds plausible in a mildly bigoted sort of way.

The reality is we gossip about women on anonymous imageboards and if they ever discovered this secret our lives would become hell because all posts would be attributed to us.
>> No. 30154 Anonymous
9th November 2020
Monday 1:47 am
30154 spacer
Mate a family sticking around that much is weird as hell, don't pretend it's not.
>> No. 30155 Anonymous
9th November 2020
Monday 10:55 am
30155 spacer
That's pretty nuts. Are they paying rent?

Return ]
whiteline

Delete Post []
Password