|>>|| No. 30649
It's happening again, this time within a gaming community.
Apparently my behaviour is suspicious within the group (Very serious business, this game), twice now have my questions been answered with what seems like a heavy handed implication that people expressing such things will be banned. I'm not talking inapropriate topics, only stuff related to the game and how it's played.
My concern isn't for losing another community, nor that i don't particularly like many of the participants. My concern is that this is repeat behaviour on my part, the pattern of which is becoming apparent throughout my history.
It's regular that i essentially shun communities, disengage and leave by myself. It's usual that i'm alone, talking perhaps to an imaginary friend.
Throughout highschool i'd take periods of days whereby i wouldn't respond to my friends - One in particular even started asking 'You're having a quiet day, today?". I allowed myself to drift from him, then allowed another old friend to drift away, pushed even.
I just don't seem to know how social interaction works. I've heard that people like to talk about themselves, so i offer people the chance to do exactly that - prompts and questions to let them know i'm listening, but little i'm aware of that actually expresses my own opinion. I guess people detect this and come away feeling they don't really know me? But where do you draw the line in personal communication - this is a gaming group of strangers across the world, am i really to tell them about my personal life?
I think a part of the problem is that i went into this group expecting to make friends, only to find the medium isn't really designed for that. It seems more about making buddies than support groups.
My confusion with regard to the most recent iteration - this gaming community - is that talking with people through the net greatly increased my motivation and initiative for a while. I reached a peak of mania lasting maybe 10 days, during which i felt a heart to heart with a family member, and finally felt comfortable enough to tell my 2 year old nibling that i love them for the first time.
I don't want to throw this progress away, but i'm finding myself increasingly averse to engagement with this social group.
>the more you can turn to your own objective merits and achievements, and be up-front about your limitations, the more people will respect you for who you are.
I have indeed intended for this, thinking 'let my good works speak for themselves', But i'm currently percieving it to be very hard. The value of my work is limited.