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>> No. 30335 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 1:52 pm
30335 Is this self pity? How would I address that?
Having acted a general idiot and perhaps cunt, I feel I've alienated myself from an online community. This wouldn't be a major problem except that I have no other community on or offline and I've come to regard this one with familiarity.

For most of my adult life I've sheltered myself from society, for sake of this inclination toward public embarrassment. I don't lose control of myself or conciously engage in destructive behaviour - rather I become comfortable in the situation and behave less inhibited. Mild doses of SSRIs have made this behaviour more apparant in the past.

I feel as though living as reserved as I usually do may be a problem. I don't often have fun nor engage with other people reguarly.
I want to be responsibly sociable. But as any whining coward, I immidiately turn to excuses. The risk of feeling this useless again is great - What's worse is that people see it and judge, casting the character as cement in society.

I fool myself with delusions of gandure that I might one day own a cottage and garden to offer a wife or partner, but then this happens again and I realise like the Artillary Man there is a gulf between my dreams and power.

A few times through life I've witnessed these sort of confidence trickster type people who roll in, create a buzz and a following, achieve a goal then roll out again leaving only destruction and those who don't follow. I can see how i idolise this sort of behaviour and desperately want to replicate it.
To run from place to place seems fundamentally dishonest - to disallow people to witness your mistakes and only return when you're made capable and impressive. All you'd really be learning is to run from critisism and get out before the game is up.

I don't really know what this post is meant for, except to perpetuate a myth of character. And I tell myself I hate that.
I guess all i need to do is find a ballance between introversion and extroversion.
Expand all images.
>> No. 30336 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 2:07 pm
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>I feel I've alienated myself from an online community

It'll blow over. I've felt like that before and it's the recency of it that stings. Give it a little while and see how you feel upon reflection.

Next time try not to have such a teary about getting banned for posting pictures of Greta on /x/.
>> No. 30337 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 2:19 pm
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Without meaning to sound like I'm marking your homework, there's lots of different threads here, and I think you might be equivocating a bit between ideas that aren't strictly related.

Are you really aiming to replicate the "confidence trickster" behaviour? It sounds like you're aware of the value of honesty in and of itself. You're imagining a wife or partner, but that relationship will be hollow unless you allow them to see your flaws.

It sounds like you're struggling a lot with the problem of "being seen" and your self-image. This isn't an easy thing to figure out for anyone, but I find the more you can turn to your own objective merits and achievements, and be up-front about your limitations, the more people will respect you for who you are.

I'm sure you have qualities as an individual that others value, and your recognition that you might have misbehaved in the past is a good sign that you don't want to harm others. In short, don't give up on yourself as a person and do your very best not to make yourself a better person in your own eyes.
>> No. 30338 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 2:20 pm
30338 spacer

Do your very best to make yourself a better person in your own eyes.

I accidentally negated the last bit and can't delete my post. What a silly sausage.
>> No. 30649 Anonymous
20th March 2021
Saturday 7:49 pm
30649 Integration with society


It's happening again, this time within a gaming community.

Apparently my behaviour is suspicious within the group (Very serious business, this game), twice now have my questions been answered with what seems like a heavy handed implication that people expressing such things will be banned. I'm not talking inapropriate topics, only stuff related to the game and how it's played.

My concern isn't for losing another community, nor that i don't particularly like many of the participants. My concern is that this is repeat behaviour on my part, the pattern of which is becoming apparent throughout my history.

It's regular that i essentially shun communities, disengage and leave by myself. It's usual that i'm alone, talking perhaps to an imaginary friend.
Throughout highschool i'd take periods of days whereby i wouldn't respond to my friends - One in particular even started asking 'You're having a quiet day, today?". I allowed myself to drift from him, then allowed another old friend to drift away, pushed even.

I just don't seem to know how social interaction works. I've heard that people like to talk about themselves, so i offer people the chance to do exactly that - prompts and questions to let them know i'm listening, but little i'm aware of that actually expresses my own opinion. I guess people detect this and come away feeling they don't really know me? But where do you draw the line in personal communication - this is a gaming group of strangers across the world, am i really to tell them about my personal life?

I think a part of the problem is that i went into this group expecting to make friends, only to find the medium isn't really designed for that. It seems more about making buddies than support groups.

My confusion with regard to the most recent iteration - this gaming community - is that talking with people through the net greatly increased my motivation and initiative for a while. I reached a peak of mania lasting maybe 10 days, during which i felt a heart to heart with a family member, and finally felt comfortable enough to tell my 2 year old nibling that i love them for the first time.
I don't want to throw this progress away, but i'm finding myself increasingly averse to engagement with this social group.

>the more you can turn to your own objective merits and achievements, and be up-front about your limitations, the more people will respect you for who you are.
I have indeed intended for this, thinking 'let my good works speak for themselves', But i'm currently percieving it to be very hard. The value of my work is limited.
>> No. 30650 Anonymous
20th March 2021
Saturday 8:15 pm
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Is integrating with new friend groups something we really need or want to do, as adults? I don't remember my parents spending all that time with other adults. You've people you work with, who can change with the job, and you've your good friends who you catch up with once a week at most, less often than that if they live further away. Those aren't weaker or less valuable relationships but we're not teenagers any more, don't need constant social validation from a gang of mates.
I've blown off four online communities in the past month for four different reasons but don't feel bad about it. I care about eventually seeing my family and the people I've known a very long time, more. But I won't spend a long time engaging with them when I do, as you would a gaming community.
>> No. 30651 Anonymous
20th March 2021
Saturday 9:05 pm
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It sounds like you are on edge because you have let people in, and are now scared what they might do. I understand the fear of getting hurt, but as far as I am concerned, this is an absolute win.
>> No. 30992 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 12:09 pm
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Discord promod.jpg
The timespan since my last post has extended. There was a hiccup some months ago, but i must have got through it, though now i'm considering the same shift and desire for new, different people.

I've noticed this shunning happens after i've made noticable progress within the community. This has happened in person a number of times where i'd get on reasonably well with people, they became familiar then all of a sudden i'd go cold, disengage and sometimes even want to provoke them.

Most recently i've noticed others assimilate my language and methods of communication into their own - of itself a good sign of integration - but i find myself resenting it (possibly because the rudeness of my words is more noticable when others use them, but i'm not completely sure). I cant help but think with contempt 'you've let me in, you cunts'.

Very low doses of marijuana seem to help me maintain interest in social engagement - enough to stop me thinking "why bother?", but i don't want to be under such influence too much.

Some stuff i've learned;
Familiarity goes a long way - simply being present and engaged will get people used to you, which allows for closer relations to develop.
Have something valuable to offer, but don't push it too hard.

Does this sound mildly sociopathic? "characterised by impulsive, irresponsible and often criminal behaviour" doesn't really fit.
I recognise the folly of uneducated self-diagnosis, i'm just trying to find some recognition of what this is.
>> No. 30993 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 1:07 pm
30993 spacer

I'm sure I'm repeating what others have said already but it doesn't sound like sociopathy, more something stemming from trauma maybe. Sociopathy isn't about being a loner, it's about a callous disregard and using of the people who you are around. I suspect sociopaths aren't worried about being sociopaths.
>> No. 30994 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 1:24 pm
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>I'm sure I'm repeating what others have said
Yeah, i didn't really add much to the thread did i? Thanks for the response, i guess i was just complaining again.
>> No. 30995 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 1:39 pm
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Maybe people would like you more if you could capitalise 'i'. I know this is emo but come the fuck on.

You just lack confidence in who you are as a person, probably suffer from being a schizoid and antisocial personality disorder like everyone else on the internet. Just accept who you are and learn to live the life that suits you best, plenty of schizoids still manage long-term relationships. I think women even treat it as a given that their man might spend most of his free-time alone.

Unless you really want to be surrounded by people from some perverse masochism in which case ditch the internet and get yourself a tropical wife.
>> No. 30996 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 7:17 pm
30996 spacer
>Maybe people would like you more if you could capitalise 'i'
I'll admit I think I'm the cause of perhaps 90% of 'i' complaints across britfa.gs. Since a child I've wondered why anyone would think themselves important enough to capitalise it. I suppose you could comment that it's in effect a name so it should be capitalised, but it still feels weird to make the claim.
>> No. 30997 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 8:04 pm
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>Since a child I've wondered why anyone would think themselves important enough to capitalise it.

You are important enough to capitalise it.

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