|>>|| No. 31319
You are a living example of the hedonic treadmill effect in action.
No matter how much you have you'll always feel you're missing out on something, something that's just out of reach. I earn half what you do, I've got a nice but deeply flawed girlfriend, and I can count my friends on one hand. But I'm content. It's not that I don't have ambitions, but I have to be realistic in my scope, because I've never had the world laid out in front of me for my taking, everything has been an uphill struggle. Everything I do have, I'm pretty fucking grateful for, truth be told.
You might not think this is practical advice, you might not think it's helpful in real terms, but I constantly see people who are better off than me, yet less happy. I think there has to be something to it. The youngsters who start off at my place of work and discover the job isn't what they thought it'd be, and how quickly despondent they get. I wish they felt the way I do, glad to be there because at least it's not answering the phones all day for Plusnet or Curry's. I wish they knew what a really shit job was, not in a "could be worse" sense, but simply in order to have some perspective.
How adventurous has your life been? Did you do the "gap year" thing and go travelling or whatever, or have you been straight on that career path grind since uni? How often do you cut loose and go on a several day long drugs and booze bender? Have you slept with many women? I think all these questions have an effect on your ultimate outlook as you begin to stare down the barrel of middle age. You start to realise you don't have all the time in the world and you can't do everything. You only get one go. "And then one day you find... Ten years have got behind you..." etc.
Personally I did a lot of that in my youth- I mean, that's why I don't have the successful career you do, I fucked it all off to play at being a rock star. It was great fun for four or five years, but you can never go on like that forever, especially not as a complete povvo in reality. Ultimately though I think that's part of why I'm so content now, despite my modest circumstances. I think it's basically this reason why so many men have the typical mid-life crisis, whereas I can pretty reasonably say I've been there and done that.
It sounds to me like the reason you don't want to commit to things is because frankly, you're not ready to. You haven't satiated that youthful lust for adventure. You haven't lived enough to be content with it and settle down. It's not that there's more to life, it's just that you haven't had your fill to begin with. Once you've had enough, the desire to calm it down and plan for the longer term comes naturally, like putting your feet up after a long day of work and dunking a hob nob in your brew.