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>> No. 31315 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 7:32 pm
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I never want to commit to anything because I'm scared that if I do I'll miss out other opportunities that are better. I'm coming up 30 and I've no fucking clue what I actually want to do with my life.

On paper my life is great. 50k salary likely to go up, lovely attractive girlfriend earning double what I do but not an arse about it, my health (as far as I know), family, reasonable friend circle. Just not quite happy and feel there must be more to life.

This is in everything from my career (try climbing the ladder without being specialised in case you want to do tech, or law, or something else), my attitude to life (do I leave things quite high level in case I want to pack it up and go travel?) and just generally everything.

I'm pretty miserable because of it. How do I commit to things and not worry about what might have been instead of always thinking I need to be able to immediately run from what I have to something else?
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>> No. 31316 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 8:13 pm
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Well, I guess one way to look at it is you're already committing to indecision, thus missing out on everything else you could be. I believe this is known in economics as opportunity cost.

How do you like to spend your free time?
>> No. 31317 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 8:26 pm
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It's a very good point, I think my brain subconsciously accepts that though, because everything I could be is still possible as I've not yet decided, whereas if I decide it shuts out the rest. It feels that if I don't decide, I can still pick that option, or some of the others.

In my free time I like to exercise, read, relax and generally just be quite cosy. I will go for long walks then eat and nap with the window open - that kind of cosy.
>> No. 31318 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 8:47 pm
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The unwritten book will always be perfect, right?
I'm not so sure that picking a route stops you from changing course - It'd lead you elsewhere, sure, but you can always turn around or take an unexpected direction. I do that all the time when out and about.
Plenty of people do a lot of stuff with their time. There's no reason why you couldn't persue multiple projects across your days, months and even years.

Do you feel that you're not doing enough? Not experiencing enough of life? Having mentioned travel specifically, is there anything you're particularly interested in seeing?
Have you watched "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" lately?
>> No. 31319 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 9:03 pm
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You are a living example of the hedonic treadmill effect in action.

No matter how much you have you'll always feel you're missing out on something, something that's just out of reach. I earn half what you do, I've got a nice but deeply flawed girlfriend, and I can count my friends on one hand. But I'm content. It's not that I don't have ambitions, but I have to be realistic in my scope, because I've never had the world laid out in front of me for my taking, everything has been an uphill struggle. Everything I do have, I'm pretty fucking grateful for, truth be told.

You might not think this is practical advice, you might not think it's helpful in real terms, but I constantly see people who are better off than me, yet less happy. I think there has to be something to it. The youngsters who start off at my place of work and discover the job isn't what they thought it'd be, and how quickly despondent they get. I wish they felt the way I do, glad to be there because at least it's not answering the phones all day for Plusnet or Curry's. I wish they knew what a really shit job was, not in a "could be worse" sense, but simply in order to have some perspective.

How adventurous has your life been? Did you do the "gap year" thing and go travelling or whatever, or have you been straight on that career path grind since uni? How often do you cut loose and go on a several day long drugs and booze bender? Have you slept with many women? I think all these questions have an effect on your ultimate outlook as you begin to stare down the barrel of middle age. You start to realise you don't have all the time in the world and you can't do everything. You only get one go. "And then one day you find... Ten years have got behind you..." etc.

Personally I did a lot of that in my youth- I mean, that's why I don't have the successful career you do, I fucked it all off to play at being a rock star. It was great fun for four or five years, but you can never go on like that forever, especially not as a complete povvo in reality. Ultimately though I think that's part of why I'm so content now, despite my modest circumstances. I think it's basically this reason why so many men have the typical mid-life crisis, whereas I can pretty reasonably say I've been there and done that.

It sounds to me like the reason you don't want to commit to things is because frankly, you're not ready to. You haven't satiated that youthful lust for adventure. You haven't lived enough to be content with it and settle down. It's not that there's more to life, it's just that you haven't had your fill to begin with. Once you've had enough, the desire to calm it down and plan for the longer term comes naturally, like putting your feet up after a long day of work and dunking a hob nob in your brew.
>> No. 31321 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 9:38 pm
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Yes, yes I do, but I don't know if I'm being unrealistic. I have seen Walter Mitty and it's exactly what I had in mind except my life is probably a bit more rounded than his.

I'd love my Walter Mitty moment but I wonder if I'm being a stupid cunt and not accepting life isn't a fairytale.

I wish I'd done a bit more off the beaten path things. I've done a few, but not enough, but I'm not sure why that means I can't commit or pick a career. That's just me being unhappy with personal experiences.

This post hits hard. I also started from a less than ideal place like you and am very much aware of the could be worse. I think that's the problem though, you lived your life and then got through it, I never really lived mine and so I'm scared that just jacking it all in and backpacking across aus or something will mean throwing away the material comfort I've built for myself.

Your post hit home, it is to do with running out of time. I just wonder if whatever I choose I'll always be upset I didn't pick the other? Picking fruit in aus wishing I'd picked the comfy office - earning my comfy office salary but wishing I was slumming it in aus.

Tell me sage lad, what would you do if you were me?
>> No. 31323 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 11:50 pm
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You'll always regret the chances you didn't take. If they don't work out, there's loads of boring comfy offices all over this country, and every other country, all over the world. They're all the same. You're not missing out on anything special there.

If I were you I'd take a sort of middle path. You earn plenty of cash as it is, so you can certainly save up a chunk; and you-know-what is still going to be a big deal as far as travel is concerned for at least another year I reckon. So plan your move and don't do it straight away- But in essence, just fuck everything off for a year or two and go have your adventures. It'll gnaw at you if you don't. You're scared to actually take the leap of faith, but I can assure you the realisation you're on the ride now, and you're not getting off until it's done, is worth it.

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't sensible or considered advice, and I have had a couple of beers, but nevertheless. The times I've felt most alive were those occasions I'd just got up and walked out of my job with no intention of going back, and just saying "Fuck it. I'll survive somehow." and then driving off, sunglasses on, arm hanging out the window, fag in hand. The coolest, biggest bollocked, no fuck given bad ass.

Terrifying, obviously, and foolish. But the exhilaration of just having to sink or swim, free falling until you learn how to glide. It's quite the thing.

Of course, people like us are fortunate to be able to do that with the knowledge will never come to any real harm- There is a safety net, ultimately, for most of us; and in my case it was back when the benefits system was still rather exploitable. In your case it's that you can put enough money away that you wouldn't have to worry, and you will always still have a career waiting for you. I doubt a year or two backpacking would see you resigned to working the tills at Tesco, anyway.
>> No. 31366 Anonymous
17th December 2021
Friday 12:52 am
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Thank you. Really appreciate the insight and surprised how accurate this was.

Because of this post I reached out to an international job offer that got canned by Covid and they might still be able to work something out post-Covid craziness mid next year so here's hoping.

If not, I'll go do some cliche thing where I take 6 months to walk through a country or something and find myself.

I've not felt that exhilaration for a while and whilst I'm super grateful for my safety net in a weird way sometimes the comfort is the worst thing there is for me.

Wish me luck.

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