|>>|| No. 5815
It feels like you're only hearing what you want to hear, now.
I've made it clear already that I had major self esteem issues for most of my life. I was too shy to even answer my own phone for a long time, let alone independently meet women. I learned to overcome it. I'm still average to poor in the looks department. I look like an older, beardier version of the leader singer of Keane.
>It is really great that you don't have to try
This is where you miss the point. Of course I've had to try, I put work in every bloody time I meet someone, man, woman, friend, or potential partner. I worked hard, as you've said, to learn how to be confident, though many trials and errors, many embarrassments that, had I had a different childhood, I might have learned naturally as a kid - but instead I had to teach it to myself in my twenties. It's true that it's easier now, in that I'm genuinely confident instead of trying my hardest to learn what it means to be confident, but all I did was expose myself to social situations over and over and over again. It took time, and effort, but in terms of actionable plans, it's quite literally as simple as just leaving the house. You just have do to it over, and over.
I'm really, really, tempted to post a picture of myself because mate, the odds are I'm uglier than you are, I'm dead average face wise and have a bit of a wonky eye. But I know you won't see it for the reality it is.
I wish you'd listen because despite what you're telling yourself, that's genuinely all there is to it. I don't think I'm accidentally an incredibly handsome bloke without noticing, I don't tell tinder dates I have money, I just show up and be a bit affable and a bit charming, and have enough conversation to last the evening. That's it. There's no other magic formula. Those are all learnable skills, I can tell you firsthand, and I'm certainly not the only person in the world who's learned these skills.
I agree that the first problem to solve in online dating is becoming 'marketable', for lack of a better term, and that involves careful curation of your photos, etc - but that makes sense. Who wants to date someone who can't even be arsed to show their best side? But, once you learn to be more comfortable with yourself, this becomes much easier. Self esteem absolutely comes through in photos, bios, etc.
My point with this, though, is still that overanalysing the 'system' of tinder is the wrong way to be looking. Instead of looking at the system around you and how to fool it, look inward to see how you could actually just figure out how to fit right into that system anyway. Technology might have moved on and made it faster and more confusing, but human attraction has not changed for a very, very long time.
I realise we've had this exact discussion before, and this is the last I can rant about it - just know I'm far more self aware than you're painting me, and the way you talk reminds me of myself before I pulled my socks up. I genuinely wish you'd listen to me, instead of just dismissing me as a 10/10 hollywood icon who doesn't understand why everyone can't just be like him.