>>32916
There but for the grace of god, go I.

Aye, me an' all. 31.

I think I've found a decent prospect already. Had one "date" a couple of weeks back but it was a blinder as far as first dates go. I'll let you know if I cock it up by opening my mouth about gender politics, or if she turns out to have deeply seated Mental Slag tendencies (and if she's interested in me, she probably does.)

I don't mind though. For probably the first time in my adult life I'm not that arsed about being single.

This is me isn't it? The French lass and I have started an "arrangement". Whoever misses a day doing their respective exercise routine has to buy the other some cheese.

I might be in this pool soon. At least the female friends I have are people I'd want to date anyway, so I can start there while obsessing over the wording of my tinder/bumble/hinge/feeld/get profile.

I just want a girl who's like me but in none of the bad ways, is that so much to ask?

Thinking about getting sectioned again. Within the context of a psychiatric inpatient unit, I'm quite a catch. I've got most of my own teeth and only one personality.

>>32921

I did shag a mental lass with BPD once for a few weeks, and while the sex was fucking amazing and incredibly frequent (she kept saying she only really felt alive while she was filled), I'm not sure I'd want to be with somebody again with such massive emotional issues. She needed a carer, not really a boyfriend. Because at the point where we were dating, she was just too messed up for any kind of stable relationship at all. Last I heard of her via facebook, she's now a chemical engineer and working for a major chemical corporation, so I'm honestly happy for her that she seems to be doing well these days. But boy, she was a mess.

>>32920
>obsessing over the wording of my tinder/bumble/hinge/feeld/get profile

Which one are we supposed to use now anyway. It seems like dating apps are a bit of a game of staying ahead of the curve at times.

>>32923
Stop ruining the dating pool for me, there's only so many women who'll take a man from the Sandwich Islands, and I'll be damned if I'm going to tell you where they can be found. The loss of whiplr hurt me enough, but now I'm really struggling to find decent platforms where you can find sex positive women who will let me call them 'mum' in bed.

I think fetlife is basically the big dog for alternative dating, but it's a primarily social experience and you just kind of hope you'll meet someone who you fancy and then pretend to be a decent person until they fancy you back.

It's the hope that kills you on these things. After a couple of months of being single I hopped back on Bumble at the weekend, spent all day Saturday talking to a nice Kazakhstani lass, we had a moan about our exes and it felt like she was at least a little interested in me, then the next day I messaged her and *poof*, she unmatched me instantly. I didn't even make any tediously obvious Borat jokes or anything. Oh well, she was out of my league anyway and was probably talking to a dozen or so other blokes, back to swiping through the rubbish heap of obese single mums and loony BPD types, I suppose.

>>32924
If you think about it a mum-fetish is quite easy to satisfy in the context of a committed monogamous relationship. You have your chores, a small rebellion (leaving the seat up) and she'll take you to Matalan to pick out your outfits like your mum used to do.

Join us, lad. There might not be any sex but you'll certainly be able to bash one out in the bog. _{Subject to Availability}

>>32925
>It's the hope that kills you on these things

True, I'm constantly reminded of how hope was the last thing to emerge from pandoras box so as to prolong our torment. For me the worst one is where you've met a few times in person and you think things are going great only for her to do a complete 180 and bin you without even an explanation.

I was going to complain that there aren't any women who post on this site, but after reading all this fucking whining, I'm not so sure about that.

Perhaps we should give useful tips on solving our problems instead? I've heard ballroom dancing classes are a great place to meet women.

>>32930
The thread's called "Dating Moans" not "stuff you're really happy and satisfied about", what were you expecting?

>>32930
Slimming World.

>>/b/424490

Well, turns out the lass I had a good feeling about is off to live at the other end of the country for at least a month.

That's a dead end isn't it. It'll be hard to keep any chemistry going that long just over text, and knowing my luck she'll end up getting a job over there and not even come back. Not knocking her at all for it, but the universe hates me like that, I can just see it.

>>32935

A month? That's nothing. If you have chemistry already then it shouldn't be an issue.

>>32936

Don't go giving me hope, prick. I'm trying to shield myself from disappointment here.

>>32935
In a way it's paradoxical innit, its rational to shield yourself from the blow of this bullshit by keeping a few irons in the fire but that is in a way part of the problem with wasting other peoples time and getting sidetracked whenever there's a break.

>>32936

I dated a lass for three months who was based near Birmingham while I was living in London. We met at a mutual friend's birthday party in Birmingham.

I'm not saying things didn't progress beyond those three months because there were 130 miles between us. There were other factors at play that were much more a reason why it only lasted three months. But it certainly complicated things. I had the time and money to drive up the M40 every second or third weekend no problem, but she was still an apprentice and was struggling to make ends meet. A frequent train ride to London was a real pinch for her. And at some point, I guess we were both asking ourselves if we wanted to commit to that kind of long-distance relationship, especially when it started to show more and more that we were not the good match that we initially thought we were.

If she'd lived two miles down the road, maybe we would have kept up a tepid relationship for a good while longer. But I guess what I am saying is, if it's not really meant to be in the first place, then being more than two hours apart certainly won't help.

>>32943

If it's not really meant to be then I'm not sure what the problem is.

>>32943

It all depends what stage things are at already, I reckon. If you already have an established relationship and you both know you wnt to remain together, it's fairly easy to get through a period of separation like that.

But when it's just the early stages of dating, it's really not ideal. Unless things are really exceptional, you're not invested or committed enough to reasonably expect they won't still be persuing dates, and potentially meet someone else, so you're really just hoping that they don't. You'd be daft not to keep your own options open in that situation, but like otherlad said then you're in the catch 22 of trying to spin two plates at once, and not knowing if you should try hold out for the first one or take a punt on a new one.

Sure it might work out fine and you just pick up where you left off afterwards, but it still puts a speedbump in the process, and forces you to try artificially keep a vague sort-of interest going without seeming too keen in the meantime. Then again, it could also be a good thing, forcing you not to rush into things, and could make for a stronger bond in the end.

Who knows. But it definitely has the potential to be a dilemma, anyway.

I just went on the most boring date of life, conversation like getting blood from a stone. Women have told me about guys like this before, ones who don't know what to say or are simply too shy, I didn't think I'd get one as a bloke.

Don't know if I should just try and get her out of her shell with another date or if I should just assume she's on britlez talking about some gobby cunt.

I was talking to a woman on a dating app and things were going very well so I segued the conversation into what her perfect first date would be, she said something fun, thinking about it I said it's been awhile since I've been bowling and we could take out our frustrations on the pins (inside joke) if she was free sometime. Also that if we get drunk enough there's a karaoke bar nearby.

She then replies "something interesting and something to remember" which like, woman:
1. It's a first date, fucking why.
2. My mum says I'm a catch so I don't have to take that kind of shit, unless you have a legitimate reason you can take it or leave it.

Now before you get up to defend her, earlier she said that the UK has no mountains and that our wine is terrible. Don't worry I've already alerted Border Force.

>>32990

Come on mate, you can't get away with bowling as a first date, even if it's one of those posh places with craft beer. It's just too much of a teenage cliche.

She's right about the mountains.

>>32991
So she's obviously boring as well, good point.

>>32990
I think bowling is a perfect first date.

I met a milf at a jazz club but I was about 7 pints deep and her whatsapp profile pic makes her look older and less attractive than I remember. She could be one of those people who look better in 3d real life than in photos.

What's the best move forward? I think a solid plan would be to invite her to another jazz club and then decide if I feel like zigging or zagging. At the very least it'd be nice to have someone to go to jazz clubs with.

>>32995
That is a solid plan. Relatively harmless if it doesn't pan out romantically, and you still get a decent night out from it. Make her pretend she's your auntie.

>>32990

I've noticed women on dating apps often have weird expectations for a first date. The main logical fallacy going on seems to be that they're getting loads of matches, which means they must be really special, and therefore they can afford to set a really high barrier to entry for dates. When in reality, that's just the nature of online dating, and the penny never seems to drop for them that actually, they're just getting loads of desperate blokes who swipe without even really looking.

I reckon that's why you get ones who say they want to do ridiculous shit like paintballing or skydiving for a first date anyway. Because I mean, bollocks, who's wasting that kind of money on a fucking Tinder match? I don't trust anyone for whom a quiet drink isn't a good enough first date. You can maybe throw something a bit quirky like mini golf or whatever as an ice-breaker, but come on. If you can't carry a conversation over a pint, I don't think there's much of a spark there to work with.

Anyway I'm just bitter 'cause I founda kinky one last week who spent all weekend texting me filthy messages about petplay, then last night did an about face saying she feels wierd and wrong about it. I'm going to have to resort to the singles ad threads on Fetlife at this rate.

>>32990
I didn't reply so she just folded and accepted to 'try it'. I chuckled but now I feel bad and will try something more, I guess what she wants is something romantic she can tell her girlfriends about.

>>32997
>Anyway I'm just bitter 'cause I founda kinky one last week who spent all weekend texting me filthy messages about petplay, then last night did an about face saying she feels wierd and wrong about it.

I feel your pain as a vanilla-lad. It's like trying to shag a cat with how flaky they can be.

>>32998

You could try for something unique that doesn't cost a lot. While I do have a few places I typically like to take people in my area, reliable quiet restaurants and cafes with a nice atmosphere, that only comes later on when I'm comfortable with them. I find the best *first* dates are the ones where both people are trying something totally new to them, so you're then having more of a shared experience.

One of my most fun first dates was going to a rugby match, which we'd both never done before. We barely knew the rules so it became more of an amusing and inept talk between us to try to work out what the fuck was happening. One-off novel events that happened to be going on in the area can also be good for this, as well. Live music or street food or weird artsy stuff, it all helps to get a conversation going so you're not just going through the "script" of a date.

Something as simple as unfamiliar cuisine can work if the girl is a foodie. I once went on a date with this very sweet Indian girl who had never tried sushi. She absolutely hated it, but we had fun anyway and I got to tease her about her expressions when she tried "raw" fish. I ended up taking her right next door for a big greasy pizza, and it became a cute anecdote during our little stint.

That's also a pretty good example of how fuck-ups can be endearing if you turn them around. I fell over spectacularly while ice skating on a date once. Rather than getting pissed off and embarrassed, I laughed it off and she became very caring. A couple of good ways to tell if a girl is into you: she'll laugh at even your shittest jokes, and she'll care about your wellbeing if you make an arse of yourself, regardless of whether it's funny.

Anyway, I don't think lasses are after any big, grand gestures on the first date, they just want to know a lad is putting a bit of thought in. We can debate about the fairness of that, but generally if I like someone enough to ask them to meet up, I like them enough to give a bit of thought to what could actually be fun for both of us. It both skips the pressure of dates feeling like a job interview for me, and it reassures the girl that this isn't just an "after a couple of easy meals out, I'll nob you and never text back" situation.

I've definitely peaked lads. Last night I shagged the fittest bird I have ever, and likely will ever, shag.

Funny one actually because I honestly thought I was square in the friendzone with her, and I was totally okay with that. I wasn't planning on fucking her, much less expected it ever to happen, but what do you know.

Anyway I should be walking on sunshine about that today, but this come-down/hangover is revolting, christ.

>>33001

>I wasn't planning on fucking her, much less expected it ever to happen

This is exactly why it did happen, I'll bet.

Went for a walk with the French lass. Still no clue what's going on in her head but she's good craic.

I had a lovely date with a beautiful woman (we talked about books and cats over wine) but from experience what happens now is I'll become smitten and then get burned. How do I escape this nightmare without incidentally sabotaging the chance for long-term happiness?

>>33009

Depends. You don't get anywhere without making yourself vulnerable and taking a risk.

First of all, what exactly is it you envision happening that'll lead to your eventual hurt? Second of all, intentionally remind yourself that she's not perfect, because nobody is.

Maybe she's one of those irritating hipster twats who only eats organic vegetarian food, so you'd never be able to cook, go to normal restaurants, or just have a lazy takeaway night with her. Maybe she slipped up and let out one of those bitter terminally-online fisherperson talking points that reveal her true power level. Maybe she's evasive about the question of what she does for a living, and says she's a freelancer working on starting her own business, when you know really that means she's a doley/student layabout who will turn out to be a complete liability further down the line. Maybe she mentions that her ex is getting sent to jail and then changes the subject to try sell you a 50 litre drum of diesel, and doesn't seem to want to elaborate why she has it.

You know, little things like that you look out for. Helps stop you falling head over heels too quickly.

>>33010
>what exactly is it you envision happening that'll lead to your eventual hurt?

She won't feel the same way and I won't notice it until she leaves/ghosts me. There's been a lot of women like that for me lately whereas before covid I'd date a woman and usually end up in a relationship.

Anyway, I now have 2 other women lined up for the weekend while she's on holiday abroad. I don't know how players do it because this is exhausting and it's taken over night but it's security even if I feel like I'm being unfair. I assume I keep at all 3 until I sleep with one of them as vulgar as it is and that's cricket.

>>33016
Single-lads, do get on the apps. It's actually getting annoying now how many women are looking for a date.

>>33016

You kind of have to play the Goodnight Sweetheart game until one of them looks like a serious long term prospect. Don't allow yourself to get complacent unless you've actually had The Conversation. You know the one.

The thing I've noticed with women is that they absolutely do engage in casual sex, regardless of what any received wisdom about gender stereotypes and what have you might imply, but the thing is they will very rarely be upfront about it if that's all they're after*. They prefer to keep up the appearance like it's decent and proper courtship, so you essentially have to play along like it's leading somewhere but read between the lines and understand that it could just end abruptly for whatever reason when they've had their fill.

(*the only ones that do are the mental poly kink scene transqueer vegan rights activist types, so it should go without sying- steer well clear. They'll be up front about the situation but they're a headache in every other way you can think of.)

Took the French lass to a play, met a friend on the way there who said something like "You're basically going on a date aren't you?". When he was gone she asked if I wanted it to be a date, I said yes and after the play she came back to mine and we got maybe 2 hours of sleep.

>>33032

Buy that mate a pint because he knows the score.

If you ever bump into a ladm8 with a ladyfriend you haven't met, always give it the old "Are you two... You know" move, because it either nudges the ball over the line for him, or forces her to show her hand if it wasn't heading that way.

>>33033
I think I will.

Lately I've been bumping into the problem of holidays. Women will either go on a date and reveal that they're about to take one or will reveal while messaging that they're currently on a two week holiday.

Usual stuff really, I know I'm not an ugly bastard because some are keen to maintain something but there's no way to maintain a connection.

>>33047

Two weeks isn't long, if you've forgotten about each other and moved on after only two weeks it can't exactly have been an earth shattering first impression.

I'm still somehow maintaining connection with the lass who will be away til at least June. She keeps making remarks about staying up too late thanks to texting me, so I think that's a reasonably good sign.

French lass says she's scared of commitment so no labels [yet] but wants us to be exclusive and spending her birthday just the two of us. I think I may no longer qualify for this thread. Ta lads.

>>33049
>scared of commitment
>wants us to be exclusive

I'm happy for you, otherlad, but this is a little bit contradictory. I wouldn't press the issue too early on, as everyone needs time to get to know someone before they're comfortable saying "this is my boyfriend/girlfriend". The early stages are the fun part, anyway. However, it sounds like something you'll need to address at some point, if you're after something long-term.

What I'm warning against is: don't get too far into an open-poly-freelove-undefined-"it's complicated" trainwreck with a mental slag.

Unless that's what you want, in which case: good news for all involved!

>>33049

Congrats, but I will echo what otherlad said. Don't count all your chickens before they're in the same basket.

>>33050
>>33051

I hear you both. I'll not be unnecessarily shocked if it goes tits up from here but it seems to be what we both want, while still being cautious about rushing into anything. So long as we're not seeing or chasing after other people I'm not too fussed what it's called.

So I complained a while ago that I had just hit it off with a lass when she had to move away for a period of time.

Well, it's been a couple of months now and we're actually managing to maintain pretty good contact. Texting pretty often, spoke over the phone a few times, sending each other photos of what we're up to and all that. We had a couple of deep, rather intimate conversations recently, and just lately, she even started putting an x after saying goodnight. (I know, I know. I won't buy the engagement ring just yet, but you know what I mean.)

Anyway, I feel like it's reasonably safe to say she's still interested, I'd even venture to say she's keen. It's just the whole thing has veered wildly off the usual script, and I don't like it. I'm having to make it up as I go along here, and I can't tell if it's just because it hasn't happened like this for a long time, or if I am actually Developing Feelings.

Fucking hell lads, I think I've gone and got sucked into an actual romance.

What are the best ways to let someone down gently if I decide they're not shaggable on a date? Just give me some stock phrases that won't make me sound like too much of an arsehole or a woman and won't cause a scene, thanks.

>>33109
Well it's a school night so just tell her you have to get up early tomorrow when she offers it. Then text her the next day saying that you she's a great girl but you don't you think you have good chemistry together.

No point in stopping a good time if you're both already dressed in your best capes.

There's not enough /101/ here.

I hate it when they talk for a bit then ghost when you ask to meet.

I especially hate it when they talk for a bit, get all sexual, then ghost when you ask to meet.

Every woman I meet is going to the Canary Islands lately. Posted in /101/ because I'm getting cockblocked by an archipelago that requires me to maintain some level of conversation over a week.

>>33112
To clarify; they do come back, it's almost like some test.

>>33111

I find it pretty finny sometimes when they'll soft-ghost you, where they just stop responding and don't block you or whatever, then pop up again a couple of weeks later.

Clearly what's happening is that they matched with someone they thought was fitter, then they turned out to be an arsehole and decided to fall back on the back up plan.

One thing I have noticed though, is that it really is true how the more blase you are about lasses, the better your chances. It's annoying because that's what all the PUA redpill whatever lot always say, and people get very bumsore about it, but it's absolutely true.

>>33114
>One thing I have noticed though, is that it really is true how the more blase you are about lasses, the better your chances.

I think there's a bit of a balance, like obviously don't be needy and desperate but also you do need to show a bit of interest. I think I'm often too blasé and often can't be arsed to message out of laziness, apathy and a distaste for the slow soul grinding nature of the apps.

Think a lot of it is just down to luck and timing as well, like you happen to match or message or receive a message at the right time when both parties are in the mood/bored enough to wanna message back and build a quick rapport.

I think I've just induced a ghost from a stupidly pretty girl who seemed interested coz I couldn't be fucked to message back for the best part of a week. Ah well.

>>33115
I've just been struggling with the balance between being interested and personable without being overly keen. It's quite a tough line as you can't just be wildly inconsistent, you need to balance it well.

I can carry an interested conversation but it's always pretty obvious I'm only engaging because there's a level of attraction. It's a bit harder to be strategically aloof.

>>33117

I know it can be difficult to get anywhere at all, but be careful not to turn it too much into a science. You're not trying to minmax a speedrun by showcasing the right formula of interest, you're trying to find someone you have a genuine connection with.

Condoms are bollocks. It's like some plot to stop people sleeping around because nobody can be arsed with it.

>>33145
It just sounds like you're upset because everyone else has a condom fetish and you don't.

>>33145
Condoms are a tool of the bourgeoise to protect their wealth from the Child Maintenance Service and nothing more.

>>33145

The only times I've ever actually used them are when I've been in a relationship with a girl and she came off the pill etc. No chance of being able to use one with a one night stand, when you hardly know each other, the chemistry just isn't there to be able to get one on without the mood instantly evaporating and your cock going soft.

I've not exactly shagged around a lot though, and I can test myself at work without the embarrassment of going to the clinic. I dread to think how many people are just going around infected with god knows what, though.

>>33148
>I dread to think how many people are just going around infected with god knows what
You may well, but you're probably also afraid of flying. Everyone knows how the government exaggerated the dangers of drugs, but somehow not how they did the same thing for STIs.

>>33149

Go on?

Come to think of it I have always had the same "fuck it, you're not supposed to but who cares, it probably won't kill me" attitude to unprotected sex that you would have to drugs.

I wouldn't be saying that if I was a gay bloke mind you.

>>33150

FACT : women can't have aids

>>33150

Gay blokes have mostly stopped using condoms because of Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. It turns out that antiretroviral medication is pretty much 100% effective in stopping you from catching HIV. It was quite useful timing, because the introduction of crystal meth to the gay scene has caused a massive increase in risky behaviour.

https://www.tht.org.uk/hiv-and-sexual-health/prep-pre-exposure-prophylaxis

>>33151

It's about the size of the population.

94% of people in the UK are straight, only 3% are gay. In 2020 the number of new HIV cases in straight people was 1,010; while the number of new cases in gay people was 940. Proportionally, that's a massive disparity.

As a gay man you are an order of magnitude more likely to encounter somebody with HIV than as a straight man, which makes it much more important to be conscious of safe sex.

>>33148
>No chance of being able to use one with a one night stand, when you hardly know each other, the chemistry just isn't there to be able to get one on without the mood instantly evaporating and your cock going soft.

Well if we're all sharing secrets; the reason for the complaint is I brought a girl home last night after the fourth date and lost it with the condom on so had to spend the whole night fingering her and eating her out. I did manage to get some hammering in but I felt nothing. We just went to bed and I ultimately missed watching Eurovision with you lot for a couple of those tugs where you just takeover to do the job properly.

I'll try a bigger size but I hope she goes on the pill for this.

>>33154
You want to encourage an IUD, not the pill.

>>33155
I've not known a single woman to use an IUD and I wouldn't even know how I'd approach that conversation. Plenty have given me a guilt-trip on how the pill changes them hormonally but, and feel free to disagree, women are pathologically averse to absolutely anything going on with their vagina.

Not that I can blame them, I'd be equally apprehensive about someone sticking a shard of copper down my jap's eye.

>>33154

It's about the interruption of the flow I find, it works alright if the lass is willing to put more work into keeping you horny, but then again it often seems like most lasses are actually pretty lazy in bed so that's not something you can really rely on. You know you've got a keeper though, if she's willing to turn up the dirty talk and make the act of putting on the johnny part of the fun.

I could make an entire /101/ post about that in itself though to be fair. The number of lasses I've been with who will complain that men are too impatient and don't do enough to warm them up, yet when the shoe is on the other foot the most they can be bothered to offer is five minutes of half-arsed hand shandy and an extremely reluctant blowie if you push for it.

Who the fuck is losing an erection from simply putting a johnny on? I know they aren't everyone's preference, but if this is happening frankly you should either see a GP or you don't really fancy the bird in the first place. Christ alive.

>>33158

When you're past a certain age and you've had plenty of sex with plenty of different women, one tends to find that the mere prospect of putting your willy in a moist hole isn't exactly remarkable enough to make you rock-stonking hard by itself any more. That's perfectly normal, and isn't something to waste a GP's time with.

>>33159
I bet you went bald as well.

>>33160

No mate, I've got hair down to my arse, and it's exactly what keeps attracting cluster B disaster slags to me like moths to a flame.

The reason I find it difficult to maintain an erection is because my knob is just too big, you see. I'd need the cardiovascular strength of an Olympic cyclist to keep it up reliably.

>>33158
>or you don't really fancy the bird in the first place

Your dad still managed it didn't he.

I found early on that a regular condom would cause me stiffy issues, even as a full on turbohormone teen. The "large" always felt better.

I by no means have a large knob, I suspect it's a psychological thing of it feeling too tight. I don't care what people say about the "it being too tight is bullshit, I can fit one over my head" argument, the large ones are markedly more comfortable, without actually being loose enough to fall off or anything like that. Even in my twilight years at 33, I have not had any erection issues with any johnnie marketed at the larger member, despite having a bang average knob.

This is all perhaps down to my formative condom experiences being with the free Pasante ones you got down the clinic, but at this point it's too late to change my ways.

>>33163

MyOne make condoms in 66 different sizes.

https://myonecondoms.co.uk/

>>33164
Couldn't they just make three more?

My dating life is a bit like the set up to a racist joke at the minute. I've got a Mexican, a Pole and a Czech girl in my inbox, but no English birds seem interested.

What does this say about me?

>>33166

Are they in Mexico, Poland and the Czech Republic, or do they already have visas?

>>33167

The Slav girls are both settled here, since pre-Brexit. The Mexican one is some sort of PHD student or something.

>>33166
I'm in a similar boat with a Mexican, Chinese and Nigerian. I used to put it down to living in London but I think I'm genuinely a bit of a xenophile. Plus foreigners tend to forgive 'spergy behaviour as being British.

Interesting to see the cultures at work, Asian women are brutal about weight but Mexican women don't give an empanada so long as you make them laugh.

>>33169
Why's that Chinese lass wearing expensive silken robes and a shitty peasant hat. 2/10, do better next time.

>>33169

>Plus foreigners tend to forgive 'spergy behaviour as being British.

I think that's most of it. Not necessarily spergy behaviour, because I do alright adopting a veneer of normalcy when it comes to dating, but probably just because they don't instantly recognise the subconscious cultural signifiers a British bird would about your social standing etc. Plus being a foreigner in a foreign country presumably puts you on the back foot socially yourself, so you're not going to discriminate against someone who seems like a bit of an outsider too.

>>33171
Agreed it's a factor but not 'most'. We're more sensitive than eastern european lads from what I've seen.

>subconscious cultural signifiers a British bird would about your social standing etc
I'm not sure how important these are outside of very small bubbles. It's not like Polish birds are unable to tell that a VW Polo is less flashy than a BMW, or that wealthier people tend to have bigger houses.

>>33171

I think this is an unnecessarily negative spin to put on things. There are loads of other characteristics that those who are willing to date other cultures share apart from "outsider-ness". They could be curious, adventurous, open-minded, educated (to be curious about other cultures you have to be willing to learn a bit about them).

>>33172

>eastern european lads

>>33172

>I'm not sure how important these are outside of very small bubbles.

You can't buy your way into the middle class in this country, you can only learn it. You could be a billionaire, but you'd still be working class if you didn't have strong opinions about contemporary art and small towns in Tuscany. You've got a flash car? Good for you, but do you know the threshold for inheritance tax? Where did you go on your gap year?

Also foreigners struggle to tell who is a dweeb, because (with the exception of French and Italian urbanites) they're all a bit dweeby.

>>33174

Pretty much. I don't mean to sound all redpill about it, that's not what I'm getting at, but there are a lot of subtle cues a British girl is likely to pick up on whether she thinks she's actively looking for it or not. She'll sniff out instinctively if you're a chav in posh clothes no problem at all. And the same the other way around, actually, in fairness- A council girl would immediately be able to tell a middle class soft boy pretending to be a roadman.

Whether we like to think so or not, I think these kinds of factors do play a bigger role in dating than we'd like to admit. Especially with the way dating works nowadays where it's basically the same principle as getting through the filter algorithm of a job application. You might get on like a house on fire if you met in other circumstances, but the nature of the apps and such makes people more likely to pass over potential matches.

>>33175

> Especially with the way dating works nowadays where it's basically the same principle as getting through the filter algorithm of a job application

This, and it's sad. People have a gazillion times more opportunity to meet somebody than they did before the Internet, but being spoiled for choice that way has really changed the dating world. And first or second dates increasingly seem like first or second rounds of job interviews.

Before the Internet, if you wanted to meet somebody outside your circles, you actually had to put a personal ad in your local newspaper. I was a teenlad just before the Internet became widespread, and I remember hearing about a friend's older friend who was so desperately lonely that he decided to put out one of those adverts. Back then, there was really an air of desperation about that sort of thing. It was something that middle-aged divorcees and other loners did, but certainly not somebody who was 20-21ish. For better or worse, if you wanted to meet somebody new, you either had to chat somebody up at a club or take up a new hobby that would get you new acquaintances. In any case, you had to put in far more effort, and in some ways, I think that made dating a much more organic experience.

>>33173
I think we must also consider that any lass willing to jump through the hoops of moving here, including the outrageous NHS surcharge on-top of paying taxes for it, must have a thing for British lads or at a minimum our culture. It's not like they're coming here for the weather, property prices, work/life balance, bureaucracy, transportation infrastructure, cost of living, wages etc.

>>33174
I miss Russia.

>>33176

It's a terrible irony really - making it easier to meet people has made us all more lonely. The perception of infinite choice has made us less tolerant of the flaws that make us human. Tinder has turned us all into gooners, endlessly edging because we don't want to face the grim reality of a climax.

>>33177

I was watching one of those fly-on-the-wall police things and the officers were called out to a disturbance at a house. The place was full of Eastern European lads and the house showed the aftermath of total carnage - smashed furniture, black eyes, busted lips, blood on the carpet. The lads were absolutely adamant that there hadn't been a fight, there was no problem and they were all best friends. I have never been prouder of our Slavic cousins.

>>33177

>I think we must also consider that any lass willing to jump through the hoops of moving here, including the outrageous NHS surcharge on-top of paying taxes for it, must have a thing for British lads or at a minimum our culture. It's not like they're coming here for the weather, property prices, work/life balance, bureaucracy, transportation infrastructure, cost of living, wages etc.

I mean, I think the ones I've spoken to would disagree. I was talking about what parts of town I consider "rough" to the Mexican lass and she casually mentioned someone back home getting killed by the cartel. On the subject of the NHS, she mentioned that her mum had a broken arm once, and on the public service she'd have had to wait three months to get it seen to. I mean what the fucking hell do you do with a broken arm for three months?

While it's easy for this to drift off into the "there's children starving in Ethiopia!" type of rhetoric that a lot of conservatives like to trot out to excuse the shambles of our system, it's worth remembering just how good we have it, and spending time with people who come from really bad places will show that up.

So to go back to the whole cultural signal issue, it's just as likely that even if they are shallow materialists who want you to be rich- Working in the warehouse at Tesco and driving a '13 plate Focus might not impress anyone by British standards, but compared to what an average Mexican bloke calls a living, you might as well be Jeff Bezos. It must throw their radar off.

>>33180
You're thinking about it from the perspective of an absence and not instead a world of choice. Even in Mexico there's vast differences between states.

>>33181

It's all a bit of a swings and roundabouts thing when it comes to the difference between nice countries and shitholes, though. You might sit here thinking "why the fuck would somebody move to Britain and not New Zealand or Canada or Switzerland Germany, they must have really loved Doctor Who as a kid", but there are as many downsides to those countries as to our own. The reasons people chose to move to a place are often entirely pragmatic, not desire based.

>>33178

>The perception of infinite choice has made us less tolerant of the flaws that make us human.

Exactly. And I'm not sure people are ready to accept them the way they did in our grandparents' generation, where people stayed together for many decades and just lived with the fact that whoever they were with may have been an absolute git in certain areas, but was in the greater scheme of things a good and decent person to be with.

My nan grew up in a Yorkshire village and married somebody from three towns over. It was more or less what everybody did. Back in them days, you had very limited choice, more often than not as a young person there were realistically two or three potential partners for you where you lived, and that was it. You then almost inevitably ended up marrying one of them. And I can't say my grandparents ever seemed greatly unhappy with each other. My nan even forgave my grandad after he had a few affairs.

>>33183
If you put away the rose-tinted glasses though you soon see that such a world is fucking horrible. The problem isn't with the selection but that people are bad at knowing what they want in a partner and what really matters in general.

Start with the man in the mirror and embrace that fat lass who liked you on Hinge. Give her a shot. It's what otherlad did and look at how happy he is. If she's horrible then you leave her and try someone else, maybe having grown a little from the journey or at least having had some fun.

>what do your parents do?
Every time. I didn't notice before. Class lad is always right.

So how are you two faring? It's been a while since I've heard anything out of this thread so I'm guessing you've both shacked up with a fit foreign lass for the summer.

>>33338
You run out of things to complain about after awhile.

>It's been a while since I've heard anything out of this thread so I'm guessing you've both shacked up with a fit foreign lass for the summer.

One woman is currently messaging me a little too much for comfort, as in I was busy all day Thursday and she sent multiple messages throughout the day continuing her own conversation. Keep in mind we haven't even had a first date yet so she'll probably never leave me alone and I'm hesitant about giving her my number.

I'm going to bite the bullet and get a proper photograph or two done. I know I can easily do better than I currently do on apps, a lot of that is down to the market but I don't have many pictures to choose from and I'm sick of dating women I have no real interest in.

>>33226
Wait, some lass honestly asked you what you're parents do? Was she an aristocrat or something?

>>33339
>she sent multiple messages throughout the day continuing her own conversation
She might be drunk.

>>33338
Frenchlass is getting upset at the idea she might upset me by going back to France eventually.

>>33338

I've recently realised it's becoming a relationship with Czechlass. I've been on the back foot since the start because I was convinced I was deep in her friendzone, and even after we started fucking, I was relatively certain it was just a casual fling and that I'm not really her type beyond that. The penny has only just dropped recently, when she mentioned something about her friend wanting to meet me because she's "happy for [her] and wants to make sure [I'm] a good lad".

I think it's one of those cases like when you interview for a job you're sure you won't get, so you end up smashing it via the swagger of not giving a fuck. Mental honestly. We've got a very casual jokey chemistry so it's sometimes hard to tell what's bantz and what's serious, which is part of the reason I've not had my eye on the ball so to speak, but fuck it, I'm not going to overthink it when it seems to be working out alright.

>>33341

Bless. You two sound very sweet, I hope it works out well for you.

>>33339
>>33340
It turns out she's just incredibly proper. She went to boarding school and has lived her whole life in that bubble. It's a nah from me as she's not very fun or attractive, but at the same time she wore a sundress and I noticed her bum. Such is the duality of man.

A lass stood me up today, or, she would've if I didn't text to check we were still on just before we were due to meet.

All she had to do was give me an excuse, or even just unmatch, but she'd rather let me waste my time turning up to a pub like an idiot. I understand ghosting, but this is next level.

>>33630

Don't feel too bad ladm8, I knew a bloke who managed to get stood up during the date. She suggested they move to another place for coffee, and since they'd both come in their cars, they'd each move their car round and reconvene. Then she just drove off.

Granted he probably came off as a serial killer, he was that kind of bloke, but still. Women just tend to think it's okay to be a dick and then use "oh I was scared in case the man got angry" as an excuse.

Nowt you can really do about it, but really it's a blessing in disguise- When someone does something like that to me it's a lot easier to move on without losing any sleep over them.

Following a first date yesterday my date messaged me afterwards to say that she could tell she wasn't my cup of tea but she wished me all the best. I didn't think much of it at the time, it was only coffee and a walk so fair enough I deleted her number and don't expect to ever see her again.

But as I was drifting off just now I realised; well that it's a very odd thing to say to someone isn't it. Especially as we'd literally discussed on the date those bad previous dates we'd had where we'd met people who showed no interest. I had took it to mean that she was being overly considerate and trying to shift things but now I have to wonder if I actually did something to shatter her self worth or I'd otherwise been a snob. Don't leave the house, lads.

>>33631>>33957
Women aren't great at rejecting people, but because so many lads to get spiteful and aggressive when they're turned down they'd rather just not take their chances, so they avoid anything that could cause potential conflict wherever possible.

>>33959
Clean & Jerk, mens: 267Kg
Clean & Jerk womens: 187Kg

That's about the cleanest pure strength contest outside of strong man boulder lifting.

It's easy to guess why women prefer to avoid outright rejections if the person being rejected can, in a moment of rage, kill you or hurt you and no matter what you trained you're fucked.

>>33959
Lad, I clearly couldn't give a fuck about all that and didn't before I analysed it. It's just the wording is odd to think about because it tells me what I'm thinking, suggests I wasn't interested and essentially it's all my fault.

Women need to get better at letting people off.

>>33960
Don't fall into that cowards logic - nobody likes rejecting anyone and we all suffer anxiety about it. Blokes are no more likely to be brutal about it than women, otherlad getting ditched without a word isn't excusable and women shouldn't get a free pass.

>>33960

I dont know if its just you or if there are several of you who always, without fail, bring up this exact line about how women's behaviour all revolves around the fact any bloke could immediately and effortlessly kill them, but you are seriously projecting.

>>33962

Is projecting the right word?

>>33963

I think so. Like, projecting his own preferred view of the dynamic between men and women (ie I'm big and hard and could snap you in half so you should be scared of me, because that makes me feel better about it) or something like that. I can't be bothered psychoanalysing it too deeply but you probably get my drift.

>>33961
>Women need to get better at letting people off.

When you have had numerous bad experiences from guys who haven't taken rejection well, regardless of what you do, you start to prioritise not putting yourself in that situation rather than letting them down gently.

>>33964

I'm not sure that applies. My understanding is that it would only be projecting if his own behaviour revolved around the fact that any bloke could immediately and effortlessly kill him, so he tells himself women do the same. What you're describing might be sublimation or displacement I'm not certain.

>>33965
>you start to prioritise not putting yourself in that situation rather than letting them down gently

And I once had a dog but what does that have to do with what I'm talking about? I even used a picture of Dr Frasier Crane with my post to humorous effect.

It's just exhausting isn't it. I'll share the usual familiar story:

I had a lovely date with a woman where we had a good natter the whole time, it didn't feel like a date at all and then we carried the whole thing on with a long walk just because we didn't quite want things to end. I messaged her when I got home that I'd had a really nice time and to let me know how her boxing class goes and we'll organise date number 2. Then nothing. Not even unmatching me so I could avoid a few days of 'maybe she'll message'. The first night I even had trouble sleeping from how excited I was.

It's always the fucking same. You meet a woman you like and she palms you off, you give a woman a chance that you will grow into it and end up breaking it off a couple months later. From talking with women they just get an endless stream of boorish morons talking about bitcoin or people who look nothing like their pictures so I surely can't be the worst of the bunch. I've been trying my best to find someone to settle down with for years but it's like one big joke.

>>33990
I think there's a bit of a narcissistic thrill in turning down all the lads.
>All these men want me but none of them are worthy.
Sort of thing. I'm in the same boat. Online dating isn't really working, but I'm not sure how to build a social life where I'd be meeting a lot of women.

>>33990
>>33991

Not wishing to sound harsh, lads, but have you considered that if it keeps happening, maybe some self-reflection is in order?

I don't mean to say it's all your fault and these lasses aren't being dicks by ghosting you after a date that seemingly went well; but perhaps it's a sign you are coming on a bit strong. In my experience you do have to be quite careful on a first date, even if you're getting on like a house on fire it tends to be wise to play it cool. For whatever unfathomable reason, I have always perceived it to be true that if you show your feelings for a woman too openly and too quickly, she will almost immediately be put off. It's not quite "treat 'em mean keep 'em keen", as they say, but it's definitely true you have to keep a bit of a distance, a bit of a mystery to it. I think maybe women like to think they're seducing you and gradually drawing you in, or something like that, so it ends up being a turn off for them if there's no "chase" and you're head over heals for them from the start.

I mean I'm not exactly the most attractive lad, in my own opinion, I'd say I'm quite shy and introverted, but I have never been ghosted once I've made it to the "real life date" stage. In fact I think I've only even been rejected after a date maybe twice, and even then it was because they only wanted a hook up rather than a relationship. I hardly consider myself some kind of ultra-charming ladykiller; yet if I've never been in that situation then I must be doing something right, and as it relates to this discussion, something that you lads must be doing, if not wrong, then at least differently.

There's always a bit of a game you have to play along with when dating, and while it can definitely feel kind of shitty and alienating, I think it's just something you have to come to terms with that you can't afford to wear your heart on your sleeve right from the start. You have to keep your cards close to your chest, hedge your bets, or whatever metaphor you prefer. You get what I'm saying.

Just my musings on the matter anyway.

>>34006
Years ago I was talking to a girl from my uni online over 2 months. We did cybering/phonesex, and when I met her IRL we fucked straight away. Then she told me she didn't want anything serious, fair enough, I only communicated her occasionally so as to not be overbearing. Then she does a acrobat post about how all men ghost her after having sex. So I was damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I see our lad RateMyTakeaway has knocked up his incredibly attractive but incredibly mentally ill fiancee, if he can land a looker like her I think we're all gonna make it lads.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zQHgTHW7g

>>34007
>if he can land a looker like her I think we're all gonna make it lads
Nah. Your personality isn't nearly as infectious and you don't have a successful media career. You might not be fat but you ought not to let that afford you misguided hope.

>>34006
>I have never been ghosted once I've made it to the "real life date" stage.
>I think I've only even been rejected after a date maybe twice, and even then it was because they only wanted a hook up rather than a relationship
>I'd say I'm quite shy and introverted

>>34011
Hey now. I wasn't going to say anything because I never meet any women, but I met one recently and she doesn't fancy me and I honestly think that post you're replying to could be the answer to a lot of my problems in life. Obviously the real problem is that I never meet any women, but that poster clearly knows what he's talking about and I won't stand idly by to let him be greentexted like some sort of soywhatever. It was a brilliant post.

>>34006
Not that the post is invalid generally but
>I'm not exactly the most attractive lad, in my own opinion, I'd say I'm quite shy and introverted, but I have never been ghosted once I've made it to the "real life date" stage
might there be some confirmation bias here? People who are outgoing and good looking may hook more people who then decide they're not a good fit, whereas if you're less generically attractive then people who pursue you may already be pretty sure they're interested in you for you.
Or not, who knows? I'm not trying to start a debate.

>>34011
>>34013

Listen. I post here, don't I? What do you think the chances are it was false modesty to say I'm shy and introverted? Obviously my girlfriend would tell you I'm the most handsome and charming man in the world, but she's obviously biased; and even then she'll also make no secret of the fact she wants me to go on a medical holiday to Turkey to get my teeth fixed.

I will say I have a good sense of humour, and I'm quite good at "faking normal", but the point is I'm by no means some kind of Jason Momoa George Clooney woman magnet; therefore if I can do it, you can do it. You just don't want to take the bull by the horns and ask the question about what YOU could do differently, because it's easier to just whinge about what cunts lasses are, and pretend other lads just have easy automatic success with them.

It doesn't matter wether you look at it from the viewpoint of a chronic chronic masturbator, or the most intolerable fishernazi, either way, the fact is, you can't change women's behaviour. There's simply no point wasting time on it, because you'll sooner change the colour of the seven seas by pissing in it. But what you CAN control is yourself, your own behaviours, and your own actions.

In fact the same principle goes for a lot of things in life. I'd argue it's the defining aspect of proper masculinity. It's the difference between weakness and strength. It isW, in many ways, the difference between the old concepts of left and right, and the new, corrupted, grievance politics versions of them. Whinging about shit you can't control, versus doing something about what you can.

>>34014

What a load of nonsense.

>>34014
If you've only ever been rejected because you weren't looking for casual sex the odds you're a gigachad in denial are high.

>>34016
More.

>You just don't want to take the bull by the horns and ask the question about what YOU could do differently, because it's easier to just whinge about what cunts lasses are, and pretend other lads just have easy automatic success with them.

If you've never struggled with women then you're in no place to give advice. It's like a multi-millionaires' son giving business and career advice, the things he says might work for him, but when every snippet "I just got a six million quid loan from dad" "I just got a job after I graduated working for my dad's mate, he's the CFO of Goldman Sachs" it's just not relevant to most people.

If you consistently did well on online dating you really are likely to be much better looking than you think. Try r/truerateme.

>>34016

He didn't say he's never been rejected, he said he's never been rejected after a real life date. Every man who's ever used a dating app has been rejected no matter how fit they are, and that could still mean he's been turned down for dates IRL.

He's probably just better at filtering out his prospects than you lot, or has a familiar type that he can reliably pull. But either way:

>Whinging about shit you can't control, versus doing something about what you can.

Is absolutely 100% spot on, and it's very telling that you lads don't want to hear it. Grow a pair for fuck's sake.

>>34018

He didn't address the point about confirmation bias - which you just partially re-iterated in his defence - not seeming to have read or understood it, and the extrapolation to grandoise theories about "proper masculinity" and politics is just nonsense.

>>34019

I don't think I'll bother lad. You can lead a horse to water and all that.

>>34020

You can lead a horse to water but if you talk at cross-purposes then you can pretend you've won an argument. It helps if you pretend to be a second person defending a point you originally made, too. We used to call that 'samefagging'.

>>34022

Okay mate, you're right.

Now I'm going to go have sex with my girlfriend.

>>34023

Great, maybe she can post here from the same IP too.

>>34013
>People who are outgoing and good looking may hook more people who then decide they're not a good fit, whereas if you're less generically attractive then people who pursue you may already be pretty sure they're interested in you for you.

I never thought I'd come back to this thread and find you lot having a cunt-off about how fit I am.

>>34006
No, I don't like your reasoning here. It's a tired trope and, frankly, if you go into meeting a woman trying to 'play it cool' you're more liable to appear aloof and a bit of a cunt. This is the kind of advice you'd hear some teenager take on board when in reality he should try the old trick of talking to her. I don't know how you're managing to never get burnt when opening yourself up to the world but if it's true you're either very lucky or very unlucky depending on how you look at it.

For otherlads reading this, I think you'll do much better being (fairly) authentic with her with a dash more playful and self-confident. And you'll be more likely to find a woman you can get along with if you do so which is much more important. I'm not saying this as someone who never gets the girl, I'm perfectly capable of having a woman fall for me after the second-or-third date. My struggle is obviously:

1. I'm dating attractive women in London on a dating app and the one I had a date with the other week I'd seen on dating apps a little while. So, while I wouldn't want to project things onto people, it's liable she just has impossible standards where I didn't tick this-or-that box. Nothing surprising the city has a notoriously bad dating scene. There's a red flag here I should be aware of and seems common in the women I'm attracted to. The fact that she just ghosted without even removing the connection makes it obvious that she's callous with other peoples feelings and probably not a good partner. I know there's always a lad who always comes in to defend this but it's a massive red mark if you ask me.

2. There's a tendency for the women I date to comment on my weight. Not all of them and if they like me they'll say they want us to do active things together. I've been working on this for awhile and I'm not probably not far off average but the kind of woman I attract (and I'm probably attracted to) must find it very important that I be fit. Despite the fact that I dress well, have a career, can make people laugh and while I'm tall I've still yet to grow taller than my hair.

Such is how it goes with dating.

I am the real 006 and I think someone's playing silly buggers with you otherlads.

>>34025

>1.

Yes, some women are just cunts like that.

But what you have to ask is how you made it to a proper date without picking up the hints she's so callous; people like that are, in my experience, pretty easy to spot, and it doesn't usually take more than a day or two of chatting to figure out they will be a prick.

I mentioned this in another thread but I reckon a lot of people rush into the real life date with online dating, because they think that's the best way to "get results" or whatever; but in my experience, if you take your time a bit more, you can use it to your advantage and screen out obvious timewasters before you waste your money on a dinner or whatever (and then get ghosted).

>It's a tired trope and, frankly, if you go into meeting a woman trying to 'play it cool' you're more liable to appear aloof and a bit of a cunt.

I disagree, it's a trope yes, but it's not without merit. In my first post I perhaps tried to be too diplomatic when I should have been blunt. It's less about you playing it cool, and more about not scaring them off. It's really easy to spook a lass when you look at the general state of online dating, or dating in general, really, from their side.

If it's happening repeatedly, then you must be giving off some of those off-putting vibes, that's all I'm saying. It's understandable if it happens a time or two because the woman was a knob, but it shouldn't be happening regularly.

The only piece of dating advice I have is one I've repeated here many times, which is to Just Be Confident.

Which is fine, and true. I've grown massively in confidence in the past ten years (getting older I think has a lot to do with it) and that has absolutely solved any struggle I used to have with dating.

But also, even though I still consider myself fairly successful with women, I've noticed that women control the dating landscape even more than they used to, or at least that's what it feels like. I've been ghosted a few times now, and can't for the life of me figure out what I've said or done to cause it.
I'm fortunate enough to be in a position to not really be bothered by this, and to just move on myself, but it's obviously not a great experience. This sort of thing would have devastated a younger version of me.

Maybe I'm just becoming a worse person, but it feels more that women are much more inclined to write you off for much smaller issues than in the past - and why not, when they have 500 matches on tinder waiting to go? I get it, I really do, though I think the culture around "icks" and red flags might influence people to move on a lot quicker than they perhaps should. It feels a bit like the problem young men are warned about with porn, that you build up an unrealistic expectation that nothing can ever live up to.

What's the solution? Fuck knows. Dating apps are here to stay, so we have to work out the best way to use them, but trying to present a sanitised, perfected version of yourself on a first date just sounds awful. Dates feel like they're more like a job interview than ever before, when they should actually be an induction day. Apologies for that torturous phrase but you get what I mean.

>>34031

Getting a bit tired of stuff like this. I know it's meant to be surreal but it's still poking fun of easy targets, and it's always the case that certain easy targets are more acceptable than others.

If you're going to put this into the framework of dating, you could just as easily make a video about a hotline to talk to girls whose lives revolve around building pastel-coloured wardrobes, collecting Funkles and soft toys, spend their afternoons posting their arse on Reddit, etc..

>>34032
It was alright enough to prompt me to check the youtube page but i didn't find much else what wasn't Salad Fingers tier weird for the sake of it.

>>34032

>you could just as easily make a video about a hotline to talk to girls whose lives revolve around building pastel-coloured wardrobes, collecting Funkles and soft toys, spend their afternoons posting their arse on Reddit

People would pay to call that line and you know it.

>>34034
I remember one of you telling me to check out Reddit porn once and it was all this. Just image after image of boring women advertising their OnlyFans with the same image across multiple pages asking some iteration of 'what would you do to me'. And then there's actually sad blokes replying to them like they'll get something from it.

And otherlad is right but I didn't want to say anything. The humour kind of worked with salad fingers but when you bring it into reality you're just making fun of autistic people.

>>34035
I only said to look at the videos of the lasses going elbow deep up their own arseholes.

>>34027

It’s the same for the better men though, the moment a girl is vaguely annoying you have a wealth of others waiting for you. I only date asian women, and there are *still* so many out there (and that's just on apps). Unfortunately this only applies to the top 20% of men.

The best way to think about a date is: you have to be fully and confidently yourself, so the girl can relax and fully be herself, then you can see if you like each other. Everything is on the man, but this is misconstrued as “I need to get her to like me”, when it should be “I like myself”. Like you said, just be confident. It’s dishonest to “try and get her to like you”, women can smell this on you.

>>34038

>Everything is on the man, but this is misconstrued as “I need to get her to like me”, when it should be “I like myself”.

This is a very good way of putting it.

In essence you shouldn't be bothered if a bird goes on a date with you and then never speaks to you again, because fuck her. It's obviously a dodged bullet, and you deserve better. For all you know the reason she did it is because she can sense you're too good for a MS like her and that she was wasting her time.

But, the thing is, it's a cut-throat world out there nowadays, and if you just try to go about things honestly and with the purest of good intentions, you do hobble yourself a bit. There are things that work, but the unfortunate thing is they're all what people might perceive as a bit PUA-esque. It's a bit like how you have to big yourself up on your CV to get your foot in the door.

You can't make a woman like you, and trying to do so won't make you more successful; but you do have to get noticed by women. At a certain point, like it or not, it's a numbers game. I've always said as much. The more women you meet/talk to, the more likely you will find one you like and who likes you back. You just have to get yourself out there.

I've got a woman on my mind all the time now but as it happens I'm getting a lot of interest from other women. It leaves me in a bit of a Catch-22 because I don't want to waste people's time but at the same time it's not like anything has been secured yet.

What's the play here, keep my options open and go on one date with other women in case things don't work out?

>>34097

There's nothing wrong with pursuing other options (though it's best not to think of them that way- Remember you're all people too) if you haven't yet made an exclusive commitment to someone. And at risk of sounding like One Of Those, I think it'd be naive not to expect anyone you date isn't also doing the same anyway, so really you're only handicapping yourself if you don't.

That's not to say you definitely should, mind. The awkward and sort of tricky part comes when one of them overtakes the other in your rankings, so to speak, or you get a surprise ultimatum from someone you thought was only casual, or something like that. It can get messy when you do get involved with someone, but then a few weeks later find yourself thinking "Ah shit what if I might have liked [other prospect] more after all...", and by that time the bridge is burned.

You just have to be mindful what you're getting in for really. Looking at it coldly, in terms of a pure meat-market kind of affair, yeah, you'd be a bit daft not to; but on the other hand that kind of behaviour is exactly what makes modern dating so cut-throat. Maybe everyone would be better off if people didn't.

>>34039

>There are things that work, but the unfortunate thing is they're all what people might perceive as a bit PUA-esque.

Thing is, the goal posts have been moved as to what's acceptable behaviour and what isn't. When I was a younglad in the late 90s partying up and down the local club scene every other night, I wouldn't say that women were considered fair game, which they weren't, but there was an understanding that you had to "have some moves" to be able to arouse somebody's interest. Pick-up artistry has probably always existed, but it's only in more recent times that PUA as such has become a dirty word. I'm not trying to defend PUAs, just trying to point out that social norms can shift within less than a generation. Where nowadays everybody is so afraid to violate those social norms that even the most benign misstep can get you branded as a wrongun.


>You can't make a woman like you, and trying to do so won't make you more successful; but you do have to get noticed by women.

This is what a lot of lads get wrong. They think all you have to do is talk to any random lass you've spotted on a given night sitting at the bar, and if you just play it smooth enough, she just has to give in to your charms and go home with you for a shag. But one reason why that fails more often than not is that most blokes have a very underdeveloped sense of nonverbal communication. Some lads can be almost sperglike in that respect, where they just don't care about nonverbal cues from a lass and think all they have to do is keep on talking.

But if you know where and how to look and just allow yourself to become tuned into that kind of thing, then a woman who's noticed you and is interested will give off an endless number of body language and other clues. It's really hard to miss if you know what they tend to be. And by the same token, a lass who isn't interested and really wants you to stop talking to her altogether will be equally easy to spot.

>>34099

It's true that social norms have changed, but I often can't help feeling they have only moved in a direction that's counter-productive toward people meeting and getting with each other. We know the younger generation is dating and having sex far less often, and frankly, apart from the outsized influence of social media and the general state of the world they are growing up in, I think that's the biggest reason why.

I've tried to articulate my feeling on it before and failed, and I'll probably fail this time too, but it reminds me of those cases where some animals evolve themselves into a cul-de-sac and end up declining. Women have collectively (and I don't think you need to be some kind of radical gender studies sociologist to see that women are, like it or not, the gatekeepers when it comes to dating/romance/sex) decided that a whole swathe of male behaviours are no longer acceptable, and with some of those behaviours fair enough and good riddance; but equally with a lot of them, those were the behaviours women basically relied upon to have blokes actually courting them. They more or less shot themselves in the foot, but of course, nobody can just back-track on that and say "actually can we have blokes get a bit more pervy and forward again", can they.

Is what it is though I guess, innit.

>>34100

>but equally with a lot of them, those were the behaviours women basically relied upon to have blokes actually courting them.

I guess that was sort of my main point. Lasses probably still get away with it, but if as a bloke you don't show your interest somewhat clearly by some point, then most women will either think you're not interested in the first place, or they'll think you're a bit of a wimp. And I'm pretty sure that deep down, that hasn't changed so fundamentally that it no longer applies at all. But I guess the line between courtship and being a depraved wrongun is probably so thin these days that a lot of young people just don't bother anymore.

But then how do young people do it, with all the constant white noise of social media, identity politics, #metoo and whatever else. Evidently people still meet and date and even start serious relationships and the whole what-have-you, but from all I can deduce about young people's dating culture today, I'm kind of glad I had my wild days in the 90s and early 2000s. It probably sounds like a cliché that all slightly older people like to tell you, but I really do believe that that whole part of being a young person was infinitely easier and better 20 to 25 years ago than it is now.

I got excited for a girl and just came back from our second date. She didn't feel any romantic connection between us though, I feel she didn't even try during our date.

There's a particular type of woman I really like but this always happens. It's like the manic pixie dream girl archetype and it pulls my pants down every time. I can do better with other women but the sort I really like doesn't feel anything for me.

Started dating for the first time this year after kind of giving up. Went on a couple of dates with this girl, we got on really well, and she seemed keen. Then out of nowhere, ahead of our third date she sends me this:

>Hey, been having a bit of a weird week and to be honest I think I should cancel tomorrow eve . Just not really in the right headspace for healthy dating. I’ve had a really nice couple of dates and really hope you find what you’re looking for x

I'm not particularly bothered about this instance, but it seems to be a recurring theme for me - whenever I meet someone with potential things ends abruptly for seemingly no reason after 2-3 dates.

At the risk of going full /emo/, I'm now 30 and despite having had a longish relationship when I was 19-21, I don't think I've ever been truly in love. I've long felt I have some kind of curse that stops me finding romantic fulfillment, and all the evidence only contiues to confirm this.

>>34132
I think it's a mixture of a couple of things:

1. A lot of people believe that any relationship worth their time must have a 'spark' at the start. A rush of romantic and sexual chemistry which you've been programmed by the media to expect. You might have felt it before where you're almost dizzy for someone and can't sleep. But it means just getting along and being a decent bloke isn't enough.

2. As you get older a lot of people grow out of the above that is largely driven by surging hormones into having an established idea of what their partner must be like. This is especially true on dating apps and speed dating where women look for the guy who ticks all the boxes and where everyone is looking for someone that could do the impossible task of meeting the standard of someone they will spend the rest of their life with.

What usually happens is that after 2-3 dates she probably liked you, maybe even found you a little attractive, but didn't feel that you were a special someone. You know you're not a terrible date because you get more than one but you didn't get over the line. It can absolutely not be your fault at all, they might have just not been in the mood or the flames died down. The best you can do from what I see is try to make your second and third dates exciting and date multiple women at once because every single one will in all likelihood flake and are probably doing the same thing to you.

You lot pilloried me for it but I do recommend reading How to Not Die Alone.

>>34133

The thing is it seemed like we had plenty of chemistry, and presumably romantic/sexual as she snogged me after the first date.

> You might have felt it before where you're almost dizzy for someone and can't sleep.

I was getting this feeling after the first date as it went so well.

>he best you can do from what I see is try to make your second and third dates exciting and date multiple women at once

I don't like the idea of dating multiple people at the same time, and it kind of depresses me to think that's what everyone's doing. I think I'm warming to the alternative of dying alone, but I might check that book out, presuming it's not PUA/MRA-y psuedoscience. Thanks.

There's a trend I've noticed in London of therapy being romanticised and that certain people will even view it as a green flag. It became really strong just after the pandemic which also saw an explosion of video call therapy/counselling services being advertised.

Is the same true in the provinces?

>>34567

I've seen that exact prompt on Hinge and I'm up north, so maybe it's a meme they're parroting from somewhere. I have also noticed the Yanks are obsessed with therapy, and a lot of those middle class ultra-liberal fisher types all seem to think they live in America too, so maybe it's a bit of a carry over there.

In general though I interpret it as just being another part of a relationship they'd prefer to out-source so they don't have to deal with it themselves. It's not their job to provide the "emotional labour" of listening to your problems. You get the gist.

All comes back to that atomisation and commodification. For a lot of people relationships are increasingly utilitarian; you're there to fulfil a function, and any maintenance you require is a flat out inconvenience, like when the fridge breaks down or the boiler packs in.

>>34567

It's not something I've noticed much IRL, but the marketing of services like Betterhelp points to a broader Californicisation of psychotherapy. Their ads barely talk about treating mental illness - it's all about being the best version of you. It's pitched more as a lifestyle thing, a "self care" activity like getting a massage or going to yoga. It turns out that the number of slightly narcissistic people willing to pay £60 an hour for a captive audience significantly outweighs the number of mentally ill people who can afford to pay £60 an hour to get their life back. It's also probably a lot easier to listen to a basically functional person moan about their work or their dating life, rather than help a seriously dysfunctional person rebuild their fucked life.

I've ranted about this before, but it's part of a broader trend of sanitised conversations about a happy-clappy version of "mental health", rather than a serious conversation about the bleak reality of mental illness. We can maintain a smug self-satisfied image of ourselves as compassionate by medicalising the difficulties of ordinary life, which gives us license to ignore the nightmarish awfulness of severe depression or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

>>34567
This is doubly disappointing, a bit like the mushroom enthusiasts. It helps a bit for some, makes life worth living for some, just takes the edge off for others. And good for them! CBT (fner fner), trauma egg, those things can work. But if it's just a tick box opn your cool list, among your personal trainer, your nutritionist (not a legal term), your 15 minutes of mindfulness, your optimized smoothie....have a word with yourself.

>>34572

>trauma egg

I've had a fair bit of psychotherapy over the years, but I'd never heard of that. If someone asked me to write my traumatic memories in a big egg, I'd tell them to fuck off.

>>34570
All the self-help gurus and quacks get degrees in psychotherapy or similar subjects now to give themselves a veneer of legitimacy.

I matched with a lass from Hull so I opened with what I thought was a bit of perfect Hull banter. You know, tenfoots, Beverly, chip spice, all that. Turns out she wasn't a Hull native, so all of that was lost on her. Instead I couldn't help myself and I said "Christ, imagine living anywhere else and then moving to Hull."

She got all bumsore and unmatched me. Some people eh. Bloody snowflakes.

You know what, I think it's going to be a struggle this time. In the past I've never really had any issues going on the apps and if not pulling, at least getting a bit of attention to keep the conversational skills polished. Something has always come along in the end.

But this time it really is like pulling teeth. Maybe my standards are just too high after dating a couple of really very pretty women over the last few years, but I'm just constantly swiping past oompa loompas and tubby uggos with neanderthal facial features.

I matched with one nice lass who had some good banter, and it turns out she was only in town for the weekend before fucking off back to Glasgow. Typical. Thinking about it though, I've never been single over the winter/christmas period. Is this a bad time for it?

>>34670
>Is this a bad time for it?

This is the absolute best time of year to be a bloke on the apps and it's not just me that has noticed it. Mid-Late October all the lasses go after you at once because it's getting cold and they don't want to be alone over Christmas.

I'd say you're probably using the wrong app.

Also, birds sending fucking voice messages constantly.

"Oh well it's just easier than typing when I'm at work or doing something" Yeah? Well it's a fucking pain in the arse for me to have to stop whatever the fuck I'm doing to listen to you witter on. Fuck sake.

>>34671

Dunno m8, I'm using the big 3. Just don't seem to be having the sort of luck I used to.

>>34672
>Also, birds sending fucking voice messages constantly.

100% agree on this. If I get any replies in voice note form it's an immediate pass.

In my workplace there was once a discussion about preferred methods of communication and someone pointed out that teams had a voice note feature - I was very blunt that I'm not pausing my music even if they were on fire.

>Dunno m8, I'm using the big 3. Just don't seem to be having the sort of luck I used to.

Hm, does your profile need a look over? Maybe the algo is messing with you?

I tend to find on Hinge you'll get better matches if you narrow your search down, and obviously if you get a conversation going with a few women it will show you to more women for reasons.

>>34675

Hinge has always been the worst one for me, and I'm not sure why. I get several matches over the average week if I'm actually trying on the other apps (not that they are usually prospects worth pursuing), but I think on Hinge I've had about 3 in total since I started up this profile.

>>34677
Weird, I've always had pretty good luck on Hinge but no luck on Bumble. Or matches where I end up finding them annoying.

Hinge in the places I've lived the past five or so years has been full of vapid bints (and whatever the male equivalent of a bint is.)

Bumble's the only place I've found genuine people. That said, my last relationship where I was massively emotionally abused and gaslit to fuck also came from Bumble. Won't be seeing that on their astroturfed ad campaigns though.

Tinder has been great for finding deeper connections during my time working abroad, weirdly enough. I still chat with a few of the lasses I met there even now I'm back in the UK.

Allow me to vent:
I'd agreed to go on a day trip with a girl to see some caves as she wanted to do something adventurous. Made a plan on Tuesday of where we can meet up to head over - and given alternatives if she wanted a quieter one.

Then nothing, which seemed odd as we were both so keen so I followed up on Thursday and in the evening got:
>Hey 101-lad, sorry for the late reply, been very busy😄.
>Sorry I can't make it this weekend.

So I guess I'll just go fuck myself then. I've had a busy week too but still I'd find 5 minutes to let a lass down and whinge on .gs about it.

>>34680

It sounds like she's made a viable and respectful relationship much less likely by neglecting something really simple. Consider whether you want to spend any more time on that person.

>>34681
I've taken it to mean I've been dumped but she's been too cowardly just send a simple message. Which is hurtful as things were going great but worst of all is how it's wasted my time and still ended up being insufferably ambiguous. I followed up with asking she let me know when her schedule opens up and to not work too hard and she gave me a wink emoji but I'm not holding out hope.

I'll show her by building big muscles and being emotionally unavailable to future women. Maybe I'll even feel other men's muscles too and get a really dark suntan.

So how are you two doing, any luck lately? Or am I the only lonely single .g this Christmas?

Recently I was chatting a fair bit with a lass who seems really nice and was quite up front that she rather likes me and wants to meet, but she seems to be one of those people who completely over-subscribes her free time to be doing something every night and seeing somebody every day off and she turned down two dates I suggested through being busy already. Even conversations are stunted because she'll always be busy with something. So fuck it, not going to go out of my way to chase someone who can't make the time. Ball's in her court now.

Not especially desperate anyway because fuck it, too cold for going on dates. I can invite a bird to the Christmas market and pay through the jap's eye for some warm mead maybe. That's romantic, innit?

What are some good ideas for daytime dates when you and/or the bird you're trying to shag aren't particularly in the mood for drinking?

>>34730
Depends where you live. If you're in a big city, this is what things like art galleries are made for.

>>34729
It has been a weird pre-Christmas for me this year as it doesn't seem like many people actually want to date. This started before the cold snap but I can't imagine it's helped things.

I ended up going into the 'women who liked me' bit on Hinge and got chatting to a few. Most had the hump because I hadn't got back to them in months but I'm talking to a Turkish lass who's a bit edgy but I doubt either of us have much interest. Probably going to spend Christmas alone as parents have made plans.

>she turned down two dates I suggested through being busy already

Lad.

>>34730
Food, coffee, that sort of thing for a first/second date.

You can gauge interest from there but if you want to get out the elements you could take her down a cave. That could be a thing couldn't it. Take a big lass down a cave and she'll get stuck like in one of those Japanese comic books.

>>34732

>Lad.

What? One time I will give the benefit of the doubt, two times I stop bothering, like I said in the post.

It was her suggestion to meet up, and she keeps initiating conversation, so I don't think I'm being a mug here. But nevertheless I can't be arsed if she can't make time.

>>34733
> she keeps initiating conversation
She's probably breadcrumbing you m8. If she wanted to meet up she would, nobody is that busy, and if she was that busy but still wanted to meet she'd tell you when her next free evening was.

>>34735

In my experience lasses don't tend to mess around with that kind of thing, if they're not arsed you just get left on read and that's that.

Either way it's not as if I'm not working on about 5 other lasses at the same time too so all's fair. Numbers game innit.

I lass sent a voice message and I stupidly replied to her with one and now she won't stop. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'd rather be single over Christmas than deal with this.

>>34739

I literally stopped talking to one lass because she wouldn't stop sending voice messages, She seemed really pissed off when I told her that's why but I just found it funny.

I said once, I find voice messages harder to follow than texts, I'd rather you just text me. I said twice, look, if I'm at work or otherwise engaged, these voice messages are a waste of your time as well as mine. She ignored it in that typically arrogant womanly fashion, like she was presuming that after 2 weeks of WhasApp chatting I'm already in the position of a henpecked husband who just sighs and puts up with it, so I stopped talking to her.

I'm just going to put it as one of my hinge prompts I think. It's cute once or twice, but I am not sitting and listening to two minute long recordings because you want to tell me some bullshit but you can't be arsed to type.

>>34740

Voice messages are something I tolerate with female friends, but not with women I'm dating. I'm not sure why, I think it's just because it means I can safely ignore them when I need to and not have to worry about catching everything they say because I'm not risking getting fanny over it.

I suppose I understand why they do it, lasses to like to natter. I've also noticed that it you reply in text to their voice notes they will absolutely not take the hint and will persist in sending them anyway.

>>34742

Maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but it's the way it's one sided that I just take as a bad sign. In a proper conversation, you can stop them to clarify or elaborate or interject, and that's an actual dialogue. Voice notes are just them wittering at you for what can be several full minutes. And they expect you to just sit there and listen like it's a fucking podcast.

>>34742

>Voice messages are something I tolerate with female friends

Me again. I take this back. Christ alive.

Lass cancelled on me for a date, well not even a date just that thing where you say let's get a drink to chat in person. Always puts me in a bad mood where something like this happens because you can try and give them the benefit of the doubt and play it cool but in reality you know it's probably a bullshit excuse, and it means this one's another dead end you should just drop. Just frustrating because it was the first promising one I'd spoken to for a little while and we were getting on well.

Bloody women.

became newly signle and fired up the old dating site

Ok Cupid was already in a sorry state last time I checked but because of lockdown it got a bit of a boost.

This time it ran out of lasses to show me before it could even put the breaks on to try persuade me to blow cash on the experiance, not to be too bitchy but there wasn't a single person in there that didn't need to work on themself in someway. There weren't even any bots or catfish.

If it turns out tinder is the same I can't say that I will miss it. it will actually be a relief because it means people might be out actively looking for each other rather than playing internet wallflower. The amount of time people could waste online before going even on a first date was frankly stagering, Talking to someone in person immediately feels like it will have skipped the first month of bullshit.

>>34782
>it means this one's another dead end you should just drop

Lasses are pig ignorant on this, it's probably just that it's cold. That said I find that most who cancel like that usually do get back to you - not that you should get your hopes up about anything until you've slept together.

>>34783
>it will actually be a relief because it means people might be out actively looking for each other rather than playing internet wallflower

They're just on different apps now.

>>34784

Yeah, I did have a feeling she'd back out when I noticed how nippy it is this afternoon, and frankly I was a bit relieved because I didn't fancy waiting for a bus and wandering about the city centre in these temperatures either. But even still.

I said it's fine and she said she'd let me know when she's free next, but the way I read between the lines on this is as thus- I don't know about you, but I always know the next time I'm not busy. You know when your days off are, and you know if you've already made plans, it's a pretty simple equation to do the maths with. If I ever use one of those phrases like "I'll have a look in my diary and let you know", it's a polite way of saying "I'm not sure if I can be arsed".

This isn't bitterness or anything, I've just been around enough to know your inner pessimist is usually bang on the money.

>>34785
Yeah I tend to find if you have to cancel, that is sometimes a part of life, but immediately offer something concrete to show intent.

Sorry about that. At least you didn't have to go out in the cold.

I'm seeing a lass tomorrow who seems like she may be quite clever and interesting, which doesn't happen often, and I am a bit nervous about it. I'd quite like not to blow it.

I mean, we've plenty in common by the sounds, so there should be plenty to keep the conversation flowing, but I am normally used to lasses who can chew your ear off about the most inane bollocks for hours at a time and all you have to do is be a good listener. This one might need me to show some initiative of my own. Any hints and tips lads?

>>34787
>What's the best '80s film?
Just asking someone their favourite film is lame and shows a lack of effort. Asking about 1980s films specifically, you will get a more interesting and probably different answer, and if you've never seen Dirty Dancing, offer to watch it with her, you absolute player.

The only issue, which I get from my friends whom I am not even chatting up, is when somebody says Star Wars or Terminator 2 or The Godfather or fucking Toy Story. I never chat women up but I know I would fail at such a hurdle. Some people might suggest there is a common factor between my inability to seduce women and my ability to know what decade almost any film came out in, a common factor that starts with A, but hey, we're talking about you here.

>>34787
Well it's standard stuff really she'll still want to know a cliff notes version of your life story, embellish a little and ask similar questions about her. If she's not totally boring and you have a story of your own then ask her what's the worst date she's ever been on.

But honestly if there's chemistry then the conversation will flow anyway, if not then she'll still be entertained if she fancies you.

>>34788
>>34789

As usual, turns out I was overthinking it and she's a mental with self harm history and she got too drunk and I had to more or less carry her home. Didn't get any but I'm definitely in there next time.

... Why can't I attract normal women. Fuck sake.

>>34795
>normal women

Are you also on the lookout for centaurs, leprechauns, griffins, and various other mythological creatures?

>>34795
Hey, you wanna avoid wasting your time and effort? You should do what I did, get into binning obvious mentalists you'd have no future with. You see that Carol Vorderman, there are single women like her just fucking walking around, I couldn't believe it.

It turns out, the people with issues just stay on the shelf because they can't maintain a relationship and that gives the impression that's all you can get, and internet people back it up because they get offended at the idea that someone whose a danger to themselves isn't a good partner. But if your patient, you can meet a someone who finally gets you out off the nightmare rollercoaster forever. Fuckin hell.

>>34797

Sure, you are absolutely correct and I do know that. But will they be a fit kinky goth bird? Probably not.

Usually I'm in favour of dating the insane, it's only fair, but if she's getting too drunk to walk on a first date after telling you about her self-harming, that's a really bad sign. Moving fast doesn't mean Ayrton Senna at Imola.

I think you are all overreacting, it's quite clear by the wording of the post that our hero recognises this girl isn't exactly marriage material, he just still wants to get his end away for the trouble of staggering through town with a drunk lass draped over him like a sack of spuds. Can't really say fairer than that if you ask me.

Just don't get caught up in that honey trap lad, we do all know the golden rule don't we.

(left on read the day after the date even though they explicitly talk about being into you on the actual night)

I'll send that bitch a meme. Bitches love memes.

I'd like to complain about schedules. Specifically how the kinds of jobs that women tend to do (more of) have them working non-standard days so organising time together actually becomes a bother. Things would've been easier when the only people working on Sunday were priests.

All those bigwigs focus on bennies and playgroups but in reality I think a lot more people would be progressing in their dating life if they had more time for it.

Riddle me this: If the LGBTQIA+ mafia are so tolerant and accepting and all that, how come the only times I've ever been rejected on the basis of being a furfag is by people from that group?

Normal non-rainbow people never actually have a problem with it, they think it's a bit unusual at first but within three dates I've got them wearing the cat ears while I plough them and generally say they find it exciting. It's only the progressive, supposedly open minded ones who have ever actually given me any shit over it in real life and acted like I'm a freak. I find it ironic.

please refrain from smart arse remarks on this occasion, I have heard them all before anyway and am not in the mood for it

>>34813

Reflexively I think it's a "I may be X but at least I'm not Y" thing from being made to feel shit about their identity that they haven't got to grips with yet.

>>34813

The LGBTQIA+ mafia are really very chaste and prudish. They're fascinated by the idea of sex, but they're freaked out by the reality of it. They talk endlessly about identity, but that identity is completely dry and sexless. I'm not sure what the opposite of horny is, but a seminar on gender inclusivity is pretty close. There's basically zero overlap between them and the proper gay community, because they can't stomach the smell of poppers and leather and piss. They've got more in common with Mary Whitehouse than Peter Tatchell.

>>34816

I get a bit of deja vu from this post, you may have said something similar before, and I think My brother once masturbated onto my stick insects because I wouldn't let him watch Thundercats. It didn't kill them but I didn't want them after that. They are primarily concerned with the aesthetics, so they resent genuine sexual deviance. Furlad has an aspect of his sexuality that he is in touch with, and embraces. Whereas for many of those people, their sexuality is something they struggle to feel secure in and certain of.

>>34817

So THAT'S what that filter is, fuck me.

>>34814
>>34816
>>34817

Thanks lads. I reckon you all have good points, and it has made me feel better.

I'm not sure why I took it so personally anyway to be honest, she seemed like a bit of a spoiled posho and had red flags even I wouldn't have ignored for long so it's no great loss. Just the hypocrisy rankles I guess.

>>34820

>spoiled posho

It's always the same with these types. Infested with mindworms, build their identity around fictional hardships they never really went through, and they will resent you for being a more well rounded person who is comfortable in your own skin fur despite not having the advantages they did.

You lot are being very judgemental about a woman who didn't want to wear a tail plug. Calm down already.

>>34825

Meh, I am assuming if all she did was respectfully decline then it wouldn't have upset the lad enough to post here about it, so she must have been a bit of a dick about it. I'm sure she won't be hurt by our comments that she will never see.