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>> No. 2130 Anonymous
31st March 2010
Wednesday 11:01 am
2130 Alcoholics
Are there any 'resting actors' out there?

I'm back up to about a litre of whisky a day again. :(
Expand all images.
>> No. 2131 Anonymous
31st March 2010
Wednesday 12:07 pm
2131 spacer

How do you pay for the whisky, O thespian?
>> No. 2133 Anonymous
31st March 2010
Wednesday 12:18 pm
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JSA and a kind relative.
>> No. 2137 Anonymous
31st March 2010
Wednesday 2:54 pm
2137 spacer
Have you considered TIE?
>> No. 2138 Anonymous
31st March 2010
Wednesday 4:54 pm
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Recovering alkie here. I was drinking 2 bottles of vodka a day at the height of my infamy (seems incredible now), but life is honestly so much simpler since I gave it up. Drinking becomes a full-time occupation, complete with work-related stress and so on. Relationships are so much easier now too. Best thing though is not having to endure the dreaded wait for the offy to open in the morning any more. Fucking brutal.

Still have the odd relapse mindyou, maybe twice a year if I'm unlucky. It's funny - withrawal is the worst thing in the world when you're going through it, but when you've been sober for 6 months or so, you do tend to forget how bad it really was.

...so then you get bored (and life can be very dull without intoxication) and you think 'what the hell'... glug glug glug.

Been considering going to as rehab clinic at some point, as all the guys who have been sober for years and years appear to have had a stint at some point. There's only really two things been stopping me - first, they're not cheap, and secondly, they do tend to be run by god-bothering types (it's for that reason, I can't be doing with AA either).
>> No. 2253 Anonymous
20th April 2010
Tuesday 7:19 pm
2253 spacer
Another recovering alkie here. I slowly (around 3 years) built a daily routine from 2-4 beers at first to a bottle of vodka a day towards the end with a pretty reliable "sober during the day, booze at night until knock-out" rhythm. A few days, sometimes nearly week break did happen and always ended with a very unpleasant feeling auto-pilot episode in the supermarket (did/does anyone else get that? You go to the shop with every intention of not buying booze, but then physically cannot bring yourself to pass by the aisle?). I eventually quit when, after a move and not quite familiar with the new place I woke up with a wet patch in the stair case because apparently I couldn't find the toilet — and absolutely no recollection of when and how it had happened.

> It's funny - withdrawal is the worst thing in the world when you're going through it, but when you've been sober for 6 months or so, you do tend to forget how bad it really was.

Truer words have ne'er been spoken, sadly.
>> No. 2909 Anonymous
31st July 2010
Saturday 8:11 pm
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Back on the juice after nearly 6 months without. Worst part, I've taken up stumbling to the local chippy while pish-drunk again. Give it a month and I can probably stop wearing my belt again...
>> No. 2910 Anonymous
31st July 2010
Saturday 10:28 pm
2910 spacer
>does anyone else get that? You go to the shop with every intention of not buying booze, but then physically cannot bring yourself to pass by the aisle?
I know exactly what you mean. I always come up with some kind of excuse for it once I'm there - nothing to do tomorrow so why not/didn't drink that much last night/that DVD arrived this morning and it'd be nice to have a beer to go with it, etc etc.

>life can be very dull without intoxication
I wish being sober was as much fun as being drunk, I really do.
>> No. 2911 Anonymous
31st July 2010
Saturday 11:42 pm
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Get hobby or something then.
>> No. 2912 Anonymous
1st August 2010
Sunday 2:30 am
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I don't understand addiction. There comes a point, when doing anything to excess, where I begin to hate it and have to stop doing it for a while. Any feelings of longing which led me to that excess in the first place are invariably trumped by the disgust which I start to feel, and my desire to feel normal again. When I'm feeling as trashed as can possibly be, or waking up feeling like death and surrounded by detritus and the barely-breathing bodies of a bunch of strangers, the 'boredom' of sobriety is the most wonderful goal I can imagine.

I don't say this to be flippant, dismissive (or even worse - to be a smug cunt), I'm just genuinely interested in how those of you who consider yourselves alcoholics wound up that way. I don't understand how the desire to feel sober gets swamped in the first place.
>> No. 2913 Anonymous
1st August 2010
Sunday 9:30 am
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Addiction is a funny beast which doesn't work the same for everyone. In much the same way some people can feel no greater joy in life than to carefully arrange stamps in an album, for other's that incomprehensible. After all, spotting Eddie Stobart trucks is much better! In other words, not everyone ticks the same.

To complicate things further, there are different types of alcoholic: from needing a constant minimum level of drunkenness to function, to spending the days mostly sober then insta-gibbing each evening (that's me), to the related "if-then" drinkers who, once they start, cannot stop until they pass out plus a few more depending on who you trust.

> I'm just genuinely interested in how those of you who consider yourselves alcoholics wound up that way.
One problem you touched on yourself already:
> When I'm feeling as trashed as can possibly be, or waking up feeling like death and surrounded by detritus and the barely-breathing bodies of a bunch of strangers, the 'boredom' of sobriety is the most wonderful goal I can imagine.
And yet, seemingly, you've ended up in that situation more than once already. Why is that? Speed up the the "never again… meh, why not" cycle a bit and you know one reason why addiction works.

Another thing I noticed is that "professional" alcoholics don't really seem to get hung-over much: they're mercilessly efficient at getting the dosage just right. Ever watched a completely plastered smoker who is barely able to keep upright surprisingly dexterously roll a ciggie? Similar concept.

Anyway, moving away from generalities, in my case a few things played together which, individually, probably would've been fine:
I started drinking on my own to unwind after work. Crucial mistake there was to very gradually increase the dose and pretend that wasn't an issue. Justifying "one more" really is scarily easy.

I started drinking to just generally de-stress, which compounded that issue. Furthermore, I didn't (and don't) have much of a social life, which is a vicious circle: on the one hand it's incredibly easy to hide the drinking, on the other it's tricky to expand your contacts when evenings are already spoken for.

I developed the "auto-pilot" mentioned above, which may be the hardest part to grasp: It's immensely difficult to just not buy booze. At the back of my mind there's a little niggle when I know there's not enough alc in the house for a comfortable night, and that niggle becomes a roar once in a shop — and if it gets close to closing time for the local shops. On the nights I do mange to go without I'm a nervous wreck around 8pm (Aldi shuts, cheapest vodka), 9pm (Co-op shuts, next best option, gin or vodka) and particularly around 10pm (Spar and garage shuts, last chance). If I make it to quarter past 10 there's no way to get booze, but then another problem kicks in:

Withdrawal is a bitch. My heart rate becomes erratic, I have trouble breathing, and I'm as awake as if I had a few litres of coffee. I can kiss goodbye to any hope of a good night's sleep at that point, sobriety suddenly doesn't seem like such a tempting option. The next day, apart from being tired and irritable, I'll have the attention span of a hyperactive squirrel. Last, but not least, it becomes more and more difficult to ignore the mess I'm in.

And here's the kicker, which is perhaps the most crucial aspect of what maintains an addiction once it's there, what some call the siren-song of addiction: booze makes every single one of those immediate problems go away near-instantly.

tl;dr: It takes a while to construct a full-fledged addiction, but once you're there you've built yourself a carefully calibrated and conducive environment for maintaining it.
>> No. 2914 Anonymous
1st August 2010
Sunday 2:31 pm
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The answer is LSD. Unfortunately the answer is considered forbidden by current legislation :(
>> No. 2915 Anonymous
1st August 2010
Sunday 4:05 pm
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Not really though. It might help give you a wider perspective for a bit but if you have a serious addiction it's not going to cure it, or help deal with any underlying issues.
>> No. 2916 Anonymous
1st August 2010
Sunday 4:13 pm
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Reading stories about ibogaine with respect to opiate addiction is intriguing. Would be neat if a similar "solution" existed for alcoholism.
>> No. 2919 Anonymous
1st August 2010
Sunday 8:39 pm
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>Get hobby
I have many hobbies. I don't need new obsessions, honestly.

The problem is that none of them win out against getting fucked up drunk.

>I don't understand how the desire to feel sober gets swamped in the first place.
I have no desire to be sober. On the contrary, for as long as I can remember I've had an omnipresent desire to drop whatever it is I'm doing and get wasted in some manner or other, with whoever's around - booze is the easy choice, since it's so readily available and socially acceptable.

Left to my own devices on a desert island, I'd be a full time alkie, no question.
>> No. 2924 Anonymous
2nd August 2010
Monday 2:56 pm
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I didn't find it convoluted or rambling at all, for whatever it's worth. Discursive (though not in a bad way), but lucid and with a clear internal logic and coherence, as well as genuine insight...

... and now that I feel like a pseud-y suck-up, I'll stop.
>> No. 2925 Anonymous
2nd August 2010
Monday 5:58 pm
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It gets the point across all right, and it reads as if we're listening to your voice. Nothing wrong with that, lad.
>> No. 3186 Anonymous
16th September 2010
Thursday 2:20 am
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Two weeks off, which was heaven. Back on the juice now, though. fml, orz.
>> No. 3188 Anonymous
16th September 2010
Thursday 2:11 pm
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Baclofen has proved promising.
>> No. 4204 Anonymous
27th November 2011
Sunday 5:08 am
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This is getting depressing. More than a year later and nothing has really changed: just had a week off, back on the sauce this weekend. Still getting drunk by myself (though, hey, in a new place) in front of a computer wasting my life.

Perhaps there should be an /Amo/
>> No. 4288 Anonymous
16th December 2011
Friday 10:22 pm
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How do you lot cope with the sleeping? It's the sleeping on an off day that's the worst. I just fucking can't, and I get weirdly paranoid about it, the constant self-questioning that occurs during a sober bedtime drives me insane. I've found that a few co-codamol help, especially if with a hard limit of a couple of cans of Stella or equivalent, but fucking Christ it is brutal trying to get to sleep otherwise. I was awake three days earlier this year at the end of a particularly intense and extended bender, full on rattling the whole time. Ugh.

I'm also starting to get panic attacks when I'm out in public without a drink in me during a binge period. I feel a wave of nausea and my heart rate goes through the roof if I feel I can't get somewhere on my own where other people can't see me and get my shit together. What the fuck.

I'll tell you what's more depressing than being in the same place than a year ago: being a lot worse. Fucking hell, at least when I was posting this >>2919 my drinking wasn't every night.
>> No. 4289 Anonymous
17th December 2011
Saturday 12:04 am
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I can't get to bed before about 2am most days and even then I normally lie there awake for hours just not doing anything. Shit sucks.
>> No. 4291 Anonymous
17th December 2011
Saturday 12:32 am
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When young I saw homeless people and wondered how they got there, now I know.
>> No. 4292 Anonymous
17th December 2011
Saturday 9:02 am
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Sleep is fucked on the first night off, the second is the absolute worst and only then does it slightly improve. The short answer is you don't cope, you make do.

Getting the mind to shut the fuck up and let me sleep is hard, though I find the nightmares worse. Without fail I'll wake up every hour or so because my brain conjured up another vision of goodness knows what.

Equally unconducive to a good night's rest is that I sweat like a stuck pig during those times. I have to flip my blanket a few times a night so one side can dry out a bit while I'm busy moistening up the other.

One way to minimise the effects is "tapering", which is more or less what you're doing already with your hard limit drinking: have some to take the edge of and reduce the amount over a few days. To the initiated: this only sounds simple, it's fucking hard to do.

> Fucking hell, at least when I was posting this >>2919 my drinking wasn't every night.
Welcome to my life. In some sense it has got worse: normally weekends were no different from other days, but recently more and more often I crack open the first beer on Friday night and wake up sometime around Monday morning, the interim filled with drink, pass out, wake up repeated a few times.
>> No. 4293 Anonymous
17th December 2011
Saturday 10:29 am
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> initiated
>> No. 4294 Anonymous
17th December 2011
Saturday 1:29 pm
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P.S.: I finally got the chance to watch Withnail & I. What an absolute masterpiece.
>> No. 4295 Anonymous
17th December 2011
Saturday 1:45 pm
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Not sure if you're being sarcastic or sincere, but yep. It really is that simple. All it takes is are some bad decisions couple with some bad luck spiced with a pinch of autism/mental instability, for some it takes even less. The only reason I'm not out on the streets is because twice now friends have come to the rescue and put me up while I sort myself out; I'm back in a place where I make a reasonable living and was able to pay back "rent" I owed them in full, which I'm disproportionally proud of, but if I hadn't had those friends… well, let's just say I have some sensible outdoor equipment not because I like hiking so much but because it might come in really handy at some point.
>> No. 4296 Anonymous
17th December 2011
Saturday 10:26 pm
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I like a drink more than your average person, but really chaps, how does it get to a stage of dependency?

Would you say you have underlying confidence, self-esteem or similar issues that you are using drinking as a crutch/anaesthetic for? Or is it just a genuine dependancy on alcohol for it's own sake? Im genuinely curious, I hope my post doesn't sound sarcastic or mocking.

I can empathise with your actual behaviour. I mean, I loathe spending more time sober than my job contractually requires. As soon as I get home the first thing I do is usually to grab a beer. Sometimes I drink a lot, sometimes I only have a few. I don't need to get plastered every night, I just need the warm comforting feeling of some kind of intoxication, to take away the bleakness of reality and let me relax. A lot of the time I'd rather get high; but when it comes to the hassle of accquisition, it's an easy choice between the Tesco 5 minutes away, and the hours of hassle finding and picking up some bud.

Having to spend time at home, alone, and sober whenever you have no choice can be pretty depressing. But I mean, apart from that niggling "Christ I'm bored shitless, why don't I have any drugs" at the back of my mind, life goes on. I stay up later and read a book or actually tidy up for a change, maybe, but it isn't the end of the world.

Where is the crossover point between my kind of behaviour, and that of debilitating alcoholism?
>> No. 4297 Anonymous
17th December 2011
Saturday 11:25 pm
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What's worse for your health, drinking 10 units in one night over a whole week (Saturday binge) or 20 units spaced out steadily over the week? I usually have a binge.
>> No. 4298 Anonymous
18th December 2011
Sunday 2:29 am
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> I like a drink more than your average person, but really chaps, how does it get to a stage of dependency?
Well, the rest of this thread should provide some examples of how it works, e.g. >>2253, >>2910, >>2913 etc.

> Would you say you have underlying confidence, self-esteem or similar issues that you are using drinking as a crutch/anaesthetic for?
Everyone likes to tell their story, so the answers you'll get to this question are likely to be exaggerated, distorted and otherwise untrue. Cause and effect get blurred as well. Are we this way because we drink or do we drink because we are this way?

> Having to spend time at home, alone, and sober whenever you have no choice can be pretty depressing.
Welcome. That feeling of intolerable sobriety is a warning sign. Stop now or forever hold your peace, as it were. You sound a lot like me, in fact: I'd rather get high, but getting weed is a chore where as booze can be had any time of day with ease.

> But I mean, apart from that niggling "Christ I'm bored shitless, why don't I have any drugs" at the back of my mind, life goes on.
Eventually you give up. Eventually it changes from "I should be doing something!" to "Why do I even bother?". That's where your initial question about mental issues comes back, I guess.

If you have specific questions, ask, I'll be happy to answer.
>> No. 4299 Anonymous
18th December 2011
Sunday 2:35 am
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Sounds like you're a fledgling alcoholic. Also stuff like:

>Would you say you have underlying confidence, self-esteem or similar issues that you are using drinking as a crutch/anaesthetic for? Or is it just a genuine dependancy on alcohol for it's own sake? Im genuinely curious, I hope my post doesn't sound sarcastic or mocking.

is a very obvious indication that you're trying to distance yourself from alcohol being a "problem". Be honest with yourself.
>> No. 4300 Anonymous
18th December 2011
Sunday 2:56 am
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Self medication is everyone's favourite excuse.
>> No. 4301 Anonymous
18th December 2011
Sunday 4:08 am
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It started for me when I was 20 or so. I'd be up for a drink but nobody else in the shared house was so I'd nail a few cans and watch a few movies on my own. Over the years that became an 8-pack and a couple of nights a week, to kill the boredom of work, which means that if you're getting fucked up with mates at the weekend it's four out of every seven nights spent intoxicated. It's a seamless drift into a nightly thing from there, especially if circumstances allow it to progress (single/living alone).

Of all the drugs I've enjoyed, having alcohol as the one that caught me out is still truly weird.

>As soon as I get home the first thing I do is usually to grab a beer.
Well, knock that on the head and have a clean week of work days and see what happens. Can you sleep? How strong is the itch after a few days?

You're exactly where I was a few years ago. Slippery slope mate, honestly - I could've written that post of yours word for word, every box gets a tick. What you don't know is that the next step fucks your head up like you wouldn't believe when you try and stop it. You don't sound as though you feel like a prisoner in your own head yet, and believe me, you don't ever want to. "Stop now or forever hold your peace", >>4298 couldn't have said it better.

>Would you say you have underlying confidence, self-esteem or similar issues that you are using drinking as a crutch/anaesthetic for?
I was a nerdy kid at school but never horribly picked on, I have a loving and supportive family and I wasn't fucked up by anything nasty as a youngster. I can't point to anything that justifies alcoholism.
>> No. 4302 Anonymous
18th December 2011
Sunday 3:09 pm
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>I can't point to anything that justifies alcoholism.

Because being drunk feels good?
>> No. 4303 Anonymous
18th December 2011
Sunday 4:14 pm
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Being an alcoholic doesn't feel good.
>> No. 4304 Anonymous
18th December 2011
Sunday 6:14 pm
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Cheers lads. I made that post for precisely those reasons; I can tell I might be on the edge of a very slippery slope. If you chaps are saying I should calm down a bit, you're probably right. I'll not be drinking tonight, I have music to be working on anyway so I brewed up a big pot of coffee when I got in.

But that's just the thing, as long as I'm occuppied with something else, I'm fine. All day at work I barely think about drinking, unless it's a particularly stressful day. It's just whenever I'm left with free time and nothing to distract me, I'd rather have some alcohol in my bloodstream to make it more enjoyable.

When do I need to be worried that this will intensify, and start affecting my day to day life as well?
>> No. 4305 Anonymous
19th December 2011
Monday 2:19 am
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>When do I need to be worried that this will intensify, and start affecting my day to day life as well?
Define "affecting your life" - it's a dangerously vague construct. The drink is affecting you right now (you wake up with a hangover and aren't as alert at work as you could be, it's probably damaging your liver, if it's beer then you're almost certainly putting on weight albeit slowly, etc) but you think it's ok. Your definition of "ok" shifts as the addiction gets stronger.

My advice, since you're obviously not going teetotal and realistically you're unlikely to quit drinking in the week altogether, would be to make a rule never to drink consecutive nights (possible exception made at the weekend depending on your social life - basically, no consecutive drinking-alone nights). I reckon that should be a maintainable balance between "I like a drink" and "I'm an alchy", but I had that idea many moons ago and obviously it didn't work out for me. It really is the consecutive drinking that fucks you, though (both mentally and physically).
>> No. 4312 Anonymous
19th December 2011
Monday 9:29 pm
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The good news is that you're worried. That means you're not thick in the head and you can see what's going on, but you may need some help realising it. What you're missing is the insight that the more you justify your drinking to yourself as OK, the more you lose control and, sadly, that's an insight far too many only get after it's too late because "that'll never happen to me".

For now, you're doing OK, but take >>4305 seriously. Never, ever, under any circumstances, drink on your own on two consecutive nights. I know I sound like a sourpuss, but that stage of justifying to yourself that it's OK, it's just this once, it's not regular, right? That's where it starts going wrong.

But there's no one moment where it happens. It's not the first time you make the exception. Or the second, or the third. Or the fourth. It'll just transition at some point. It's when you move from "I wouldn't mind a pint or five" to "Of course I want a pint or five".

Try and make drinking a conscious choice, rather than a default one. And I mean conscious.
>> No. 4370 Anonymous
7th January 2012
Saturday 2:30 pm
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Having passed out before midnight on new year's eve I decided to give kicking the habit another serious go. To go along with it I made a few more minor changes to my lifestyle: I now eat a light breakfast instead of starving until lunch and cook dinner rather than getting the same take-away day in and out. The first few days were as expected (horrid, sweaty, confused and irritable) and while the worst is over, sleep is still a problem. Apart from the constant vivid dreams and frequent nightmares about once a night I get caught in a maelstrom of despair. It seems to be getting slightly better, though, so in another few weeks… we'll see then.

Unsurprisingly, despite eating more I feel a bit hungry most of the time since now there're roughly 1000-1500kcal/day missing which booze used to provide, not to mention that booze fucks with one's blood sugar anyway (this might be a good point to also highlight another warning sign, by the way: waking up early after passing out, especially if it happens repeatedly. Alcohol can seriously drop your blood sugar which produces a panic response in your body to find some food).

So far so good, but now comes the real test: the weekend. I know I really, absolutely must not drink but every other fibre of my being is yearning for it. Monday can't come soon enough.
>> No. 4378 Anonymous
10th January 2012
Tuesday 5:20 pm
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I survived the weekend sober. This is good news.
>> No. 4481 Anonymous
28th January 2012
Saturday 9:37 pm
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Good lad. Any updates? It's been rather a while.
>> No. 4483 Anonymous
28th January 2012
Saturday 10:53 pm
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>another warning sign, by the way: waking up early after passing out, especially if it happens repeatedly.
Noted. Only happened once or thrice but I'll keep an eye out. Cheers mate.
>> No. 4484 Anonymous
28th January 2012
Saturday 11:31 pm
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Still dry (nearly a month now, woo), but it's getting harder. I'll start with the good news, though: sleeping is nearly back to normal now. I still have some trouble getting to sleep, but no longer wake up randomly and (provided I got enough sleep) actually feel somewhat refreshed in the morning. The constant desire to get pissed is gone but has been replaced by brush fires which flare up every now and then when something triggers them. I'm learning to recognise and deal with the ways I'd try to justify drinking ("Just the one", "But it's a special occasion", "It'll only be tonight", "You've been sober X days, it's under control so where's the harm" etc.). Again, so far so good.

The biggest problem at the moment is a bit of an odd one which I'd not heard of before and which thus hit me a bit unexpectedly: my mind's really starting to clear up and I was (and to a large extent still am) somewhat unprepared for that. While I was boozing it was easy to just plod along and ignore the vast majority of what was going around me, but now those comforting blinders are gone and it's putting me on edge. Some of the time it's not so bad, but near daily there are a few hours particularly towards the evening where it kicks into full gear and feels like I'm going a bit nuts. Everything seems bizarre, all these systems and networks everywhere, and my mind seems to be unable to just drop a subject once it's latched on to something. If this doesn't go away in a week or two I'll have to do something about it; so far, I'm considering either joining a gym so I have somewhere to go to keep busy or learning to meditate.

Another less psychedelic and rather more mundane problem is plain old boredom. Keeping myself busy is becoming a bit of a problem (my current circumstances aren't exactly conducive to starting a new hobby). I try and read a lot, but since I still can't concentrate too well for long periods that doesn't always work, there aren't any computer games which really captivate me at the moment and most movies don't really grab me any more either. If that doesn't improve by itself, the plan is to learn knitting as a kind of occupational therapy.

That out of the way, on to some practical aspects. I bought a small ring which I wear as a physical reminder to myself which, childish and superstitious though it feels, helps. "Don't have a first drink, then you won't have a tenth" as a phrase also helps. There is no booze in the house and when I go shopping I take the cash I need and leave cards behind so I can't just pick up a bottle on a whim.

Overall, I'm doing better than I'd hoped, but I have no illusions about the struggle still ahead. I fear that the more sobriety becomes routine rather than a novel thing the bigger the temptation to give up will get.
>> No. 4487 Anonymous
29th January 2012
Sunday 9:34 am
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Glad to hear you're doing well.

Concerned borderline alco ladm8 here. I've managed to cut back to sensible weekend and/or day off sessions, and it's really helping that I'm quite skint at the moment.

Stay strong brother!
>> No. 4488 Anonymous
29th January 2012
Sunday 9:49 am
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I've had the same mind-on-acid thing with cold turkey weed withdrawals. For me, it was always back to normal within 3 days.

I'd definitely recommend daily exercise, but as for meditation, you don't need to "learn", all you need to do is say "meh" every time the thoughts are too much. Like you find your mind racing and coming up with all sorts of ideas and conclusions (the most dangerous type of thought) then just say "Meh." and mentally stop till the thoughts clear.
>> No. 4489 Anonymous
29th January 2012
Sunday 12:51 pm
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> I've managed to cut back to sensible weekend and/or day off sessions, and it's really helping that I'm quite skint at the moment.
That's great and might be your first step in the right direction. However… there's no way of saying this without sounding like a projecting, condescending and holier-than-though dickhead, but I'll do it anyway: keep an eye on that. If you've identified that you have a problem with alcohol then those periods of moderating your intake have a tendency to become cyclical. You'll tone it down for a while, feel in charge and then drift back into problem drinking as you find more and more situations where it seems acceptable for you to drink. I know, I'm a party pooper, but having been in that situation myself a few times it's ringing a few alarm bells; do what you think is right for yourself, though. You know your own situation best.

It about 2 1/2 weeks in and hasn't gone away yet. Meditation will take some learning (or practice, at least); just willing it to calm down doesn't seem to work.
>> No. 4675 Anonymous
11th March 2012
Sunday 1:51 am
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Still sober. Some things have improved, some new problems have cropped up (I'll write a longer post with details if there's interest), but how are the other alcoholics here doing? I don't want to turn this into an AA board or rain on anyone's parade but we haven't had any posts from anyone (including OP, are you still around?) about this recently, so I thought I'd try and get the conversation going again.
>> No. 4676 Anonymous
11th March 2012
Sunday 5:34 am
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By all means talk about it lad. We're all nosey for a start, but we're here for advice too.

Things are going well for me as of late. I've managed to completely cut out my routine of getting home from work and drinking until I fall asleep, thanks to the attentions of a very special female. Regrettably it's somewhat long distance at the moment, but I think our plans to scrape up a future together have given me what I was missing before- that being a definite purpose and a goal. I think before, I drank sheerly to stop myself getting wrapped up in thoughts of how aimless my life seems to be; or more accurately, uncertain about acheiving the aims I DID have.

It's not all smooth going, but trying to focus on the positives. Wierdly I find myself really wishing I knew reliable people to buy weed off nowadays. At least when I craved alcohol I knew where to GET some.
>> No. 4678 Anonymous
11th March 2012
Sunday 5:05 pm
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The past few weeks have been very clean, with small amounts of booze on the weekend, and only with friends, never alone. It pleased me to discover that I can actually fall asleep without any alcohol in my system. Who would've thought, eh?

That said I'm having a mental fight right now about whether to start drinking the leftover beers in the fridge and fuck off my engagements tomorrow.
>> No. 4679 Anonymous
11th March 2012
Sunday 6:02 pm
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I'm having my 20th beer of the weekend right now, I've lost count to be honest. I've posted all my favourite tunes on face book and now I'm here typing bollocks into a computer.
>> No. 4680 Anonymous
11th March 2012
Sunday 11:34 pm
4680 spacer
I'm not sure I'm in a position to give advice; the process will be different for everyone and since this is only day 70 of my sobriety (albeit after years and years of addiction) I'm hardly an expert. I failed a few times in the past (and posted in this thread a few times prior to >>4370) but somehow this time is and feels different though the biggest disappointment in some ways is that I'm still not sure why. More on that later. If someone has specific questions, though, I'll be happy to answer to the best of my ability. I shouldn't have left it this late to reply as I'm a bit tired but I'll try and keep it structured: Mental, physical, and overall.

This has seen the biggest improvements but also has the biggest on going problems. On the positive side, my short term memory has improved quite a lot. I still get the odd moment where I have no idea what I was trying to do or what I was looking for one moment to the next, but it's becoming less and approaching a level that's probably normal. Long term memory is also getting better, as is concentration. For example, I can read a few dozen pages in one sitting now without completely forgetting where I started and without my head feeling like it's filled with mushy peas. The "mind on acid" problem hasn't gone away as such, but it's changed markedly and is now more of a general sense of wonder at the world. This is coupled with growing anger at myself, however, at how ignorant I am in many respects and how many years I've wasted focussing inwards — only on booze — instead of the world around me. All the years I could've spent learning more, experiencing more… but what's done is done (or so I tell myself) so I'd better focus my energy on making up for lost time instead of beating myself up about it.

Boredom, on the other hand, hasn't gone away and is proving trickier to deal with than anticipated as I developed something best described as a mild case of anhedonia. Anticipation in particular seems to be gone: often it feels like there's nothing I'd actually want to do even given the opportunity. I started going to comedy shows a once or twice a week (one of the perks of living in London… there's always something on) to get out of the house and to keep me entertained which helps, but I'll need more than that going forward.

The biggest problem at the moment, though, is something which it's difficult to talk about without coming across as a complete nutter. About once or twice a day I get episodes, seemingly without any particular trigger, where my mind detaches from reality and I sink into a violent fantasy of hurting someone. It's no one in particular and, in the fantasy, in response to a perceived wrong but it gets quite detailed and graphic. That wouldn't be so much of a problem as they only last about 20 seconds, but as mentioned I detach from reality while it goes on. Eyes close, teeth get clenched and I lose track of what's around me. A recent example would be walking down a "cross aisle" (do they have a name?) in a super market, an episode happened and when I surfaced again I'd walked the rest of the way down to the end of the shop with no recollection of doing so. Just to make it clear: I'm not a violent person and when dealing with people none of this comes through, but it's equal parts scary and inconvenient none the less.

I've lost nearly a stone in weight, mostly from my belly. A pair of jeans I couldn't comfortably fit into before now fits and I can close my belt an extra notch (nearly two) without trouble. If that levels off soon then that's good news, but much more and I need to really look into fixing my diet. Speaking of which, my diet's got worse again. I have a light breakfast (which good), lunch is much the same as ever but dinner has fallen apart, no small thanks to above mentioned anhedonia. Eating in the evening is becoming a chore as there's nothing I really want to eat despite being hungry. I can afford to eat pretty much whatever I'd want thanks to the money I'm saving on not buying booze but really can't be bothered. Generally, I either end up eating something dead easy (a tin of beans with a bit of pork chucked in eaten with a bit of bread is my current stand by), pre-made pizza or very occasionally some variation of pasta red. While I was drinking I'd usually just head to a near by take-away and grab something there which I'm purposely avoiding now, so it's not too much of a surprise that I'm struggling to get into a decent habit.

Despite that, I'm physically stronger. I commute by bicycle and shaved the run from 15-20 minutes to consistently 10-15 minutes without doing anything special and I no longer get as easily winded when climbing flights of stairs. It shows in a myriad other day to day tasks as well, from lugging laundry to the laundrette to carrying shopping home.

Sleep is a bit out of whack again, unfortunately. On the plus side I falling asleep isn't much of a problem and sleeping itself is restful and all that, but getting to bed at night is a bit of a problem as I don't feel tired. The solution there is probably to just work on a better rhythm and to put my foot down and stick to it.

Perhaps coincidentally, though, some skin issues have cropped up, namely crusty weeping skin behind my ears (I get enough vitamins for that not to be scurvy) and around my nose. The less said about that the better.

All in all I'm happy with the progress so far although there's still much to do. I had a few dreams about drinking (which is normal, apparently) but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't frequently tempted. There's an odd dichotomy going in my brain when I read bits in a book about drinking or otherwise hear about it where it sounds and feels like a really good idea on one level while on another I know with absolute certainty how it would end how it would make me feel the next morning. It probably won't go away any time soon, but it's not getting any harder just yet so there's some good news.

I spent enough weekends sober now to put a chink into the old habits so they no longer feel like a scary, nigh-insurmountable challenge. It's still the toughest time of the week, though, in particular Saturday nights and Sunday when there's little else to do.

One thing that's really starting to gnaw on me now, though, is that I'm uncertain why this time is different. It was easy to feel excited and heroic when I started, but that happened many times before; I really can't pin point what made me stick to it this time which annoys me. I use the excuse of a new years resolution when people ask, but that's really not it and true, that new years was a particularly low point but other instances prior to that were equally bad without that effect. I may have to just accept that it was "time", as unsatisfying as that feels in many ways.
>> No. 4681 Anonymous
12th March 2012
Monday 6:38 pm
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I wish I had more to say to this than well done lad, keep it up, as I think it deserves it.
>> No. 4685 Anonymous
16th March 2012
Friday 11:49 pm
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Thanks, anonymous posts like yours actually help a lot (which is as sad as it sounds). One continuous source of encouragement in the past actually actually was a certain web forum (it has nicknames, but might as well be anonymous); realistically, it's just an enormous circle jerk, but having that well of positive feedback available when needed was quite reassuring. I've kind of outgrown the community there now, but it set me on the right path.
>> No. 4686 Anonymous
17th March 2012
Saturday 12:28 am
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You're doing really well mate, it's just hard to find the right encouraging words.
>> No. 4690 Anonymous
19th March 2012
Monday 10:45 pm
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Genuinely interesting post. I think it's unusual for people to lose weight when giving up booze, isn't it? Certainly my dad piled on a few pounds after he went through it.
>> No. 4691 Anonymous
20th March 2012
Tuesday 1:20 pm
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I would've thought it makes sense. The term "beer gut" exists for a reason, putting on weight is for giving up smoking I thought.

That's an entirely different hurdle though. Despite knowing it's less healthy I'm nowhere near ready to give THAT up despite drastically cutting back the booze.


No worries lad. This thread is actually one of the best on here I reckon, it's great to see everyone helping each other out. Keep it up mate, you're an inspiration.
>> No. 4692 Anonymous
20th March 2012
Tuesday 1:37 pm
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>I would've thought it makes sense. The term "beer gut" exists for a reason, putting on weight is for giving up smoking I thought.
It is, but I was thinking more that people who successfully quit tend to replace alcohol with other rewards (chocolate etc).
>> No. 4693 Anonymous
21st March 2012
Wednesday 11:27 pm
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On a slightly similar note, I am experiencing the beginnings of amphetamine psychosis. Disassociation and other peculiar things (mild OEVs, paranoia, etc). It's not terribly pleasant. I've been taking the stuff 3 or 4 days a week to help me be awake for work. In the recent weeks where I'd run out, apart from sleeping a lot I've actually been a great deal more productive.

I've almost run out of the stuff any have no immediate sources for more, I'll be ok. I flushed 95% of my stash some time ago to avoid developing real problems.
>> No. 4694 Anonymous
23rd March 2012
Friday 3:11 pm
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Better knock that on the head right now lad.

Calm down, try and get good amounts of sleep each night >8 hours, treat yourself to some nice food and just try and relax as much as possible. If you need to, go and see your doctor and ask if you can get some time off work. Your health is far more important than any job and everyone will recognise this.

Also stop taking the drugs.
>> No. 4695 Anonymous
23rd March 2012
Friday 5:30 pm
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Thanks, but I really don't think it's going to be a lasting problem. I'm managing to sleep okay, only dosing on work days and in the mornings, with gradually smaller and smaller amounts. I estimate what I have left to be less than 1/4g.

Avoided tachycardia by a hairs breadth at the height of it, other than that the only problem is being generally less considerate of other's feelings and being a bit of an unpleasant prat. The other symptoms I can deal with.
I'm looking forward to being myself again.
>> No. 4696 Anonymous
23rd March 2012
Friday 5:31 pm
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Also yes drugs are bad.
>> No. 4782 Anonymous
21st April 2012
Saturday 3:55 am
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Not convinceed I'm an alcoholic but people around me have started calling me one, If I am I'm pretty sure I'm a 'high fuctioning alcoholic' In that I seem to be perfectly capible of holding down my office job, and I am riddilously active socialy.

That said I get my days where I'm forcing myself through a day at work despite a horrific hang over (before as regularly as once/twice a week) to the level of going off to the toilet to vomit a couple of times a day and vommiting to the level of bringing up bile and the vomit regularly containing blood.

I have no idea what my current average per week is, it regularly fluctuates now days, I remember telling a doctor a few years ago it being on average being 70 units of alcohol per week, Ive certainly had over 100 units in a week before.

Despite this I don't think I'm mentally addicted to alcohol, but more a compulsion to not be sobre, I have gone a year before quite comfortably without alcohol when I was on medication, although I ended up drinking minimum of 8 cans of red bull a day instead, although part of that was because my medication was a strong tranquilieser and it kept me from constantly feeling fatigued.

I think if anything my issue is that I'm a hedonist. I feel like my death impending and have to live life to the fullist and most active life I possibly can, and part of that is going out as regularly as I can and having the fullist nights I can, which involves drinking. I rarely drink alone. I didn't actually realise just how active I am until I had the flu recently and I had to observe just how much stuff I had to cancel on in what I would have called a pretty average week.
>> No. 4783 Anonymous
21st April 2012
Saturday 10:18 am
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>riddilously active socialy.
>I rarely drink alone.

Most alcoholics start out like this.

>'high fuctioning alcoholic' In that I seem to be perfectly capible of holding down my office job

And this.

>more a compulsion to not be sobre

So like...an addiction to not being sober?

>to the level of going off to the toilet to vomit a couple of times a day and vommiting to the level of bringing up bile and the vomit regularly containing blood.

Mate. Your organs are clearly not coping. If you're genuinely okay with the damage you're doing to yourself then fine, it's your body, but the fact that you're trying to justify your behaviour on here means that somewhere the idea that you have a problem with alcohol is probably niggling you. Your lifestyle isn't what I'd call normal in regards to alcohol consumption. If a friend told me they'd been vomiting blood and going to work hungover as often as you, I'd be worried.
>> No. 4784 Anonymous
21st April 2012
Saturday 10:27 am
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>vomit regularly containing blood.

This is a good sign that you're drinking yourself into a vitamin K deficiency. Tell a doctor.
>> No. 4785 Anonymous
21st April 2012
Saturday 1:58 pm
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>So like...an addiction to not being sober?

If you want to call it that for dramatic effect, yeah. Probably comes from a desire not to be alone with my thoughts, when left to my own devices I spiral into major depression, quite frankly going out and doing things constantly even with the drawbacks from alcohol feels much more healthy.

>The fact that you're trying to justify your behaviour on here means that somewhere the idea that you have a problem with alcohol is probably niggling you.

Thats seems like a false choice, either I admit I'm an alcoholic or I'm in denile about it.

I'm not going to lie, I wouldn't have bothered posting if I didn't have concerns. The vommit containing blood makes me uncomfortable, and I've been trying to explore ways of making myself not get that hungover when I drink.
>> No. 4786 Anonymous
21st April 2012
Saturday 2:08 pm
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>in denile
>> No. 4787 Anonymous
21st April 2012
Saturday 4:21 pm
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>I've been trying to explore ways of making myself not get that hungover when I drink.
Outside of the obvious "drink less", drink several pints of water before bed with a couple of aspirins. You will not believe the difference this makes in the morning.
>> No. 4788 Anonymous
21st April 2012
Saturday 5:13 pm
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And necking another pint of water when you get up for a piss, too.
But taking it a bit easier can't hurt, chap.
>> No. 4789 Anonymous
21st April 2012
Saturday 5:32 pm
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I'm not sure how old you are, but that will have an impact how well you can cope with your current lifestyle; just keep in mind that once you're past 25 or so your body becomes less capable and less capable to just take the kind of punishment your meting out to it. That's not meant to be scaremongering, just a possible explanation for why some of your problems like the puking might be getting worse over time.

> Probably comes from a desire not to be alone with my thoughts, when left to my own devices I spiral into major depression, quite frankly going out and doing things constantly even with the drawbacks from alcohol feels much more healthy.
A friend of mine, a (currently) ex-heavy drinker had much the same problem; long history of major depression (nearly bedridden at times because of it) and he combated it by forcing himself to be in company and drinking a lot (that's a very brief summary of the overall behaviour). Long story short, it took a few years of therapy to get his depression under control and the alcohol dependence went along with it. If you're using alcohol to self-medicate the problem, you may want to seriously consider seeking other help… it'll be healthier in the long run.

> I've been trying to explore ways of making myself not get that hungover when I drink.
Getting that hung over is a good sign in some ways. With full-blown "functional" (i.e. externally regulated) alcoholism you eventually settle into a balanced rhythm where you're just sort of miserable all the time. Beyond the advice above (water and aspirin) make sure you've got your B and K vitamins covered as well as potassium. Beyond that you need to learn to not overshoot your level of drunk: it takes a little time before alcohol you drink kicks in properly but many budding alcoholics do not take that into account properly. That's something which you learn through a lot of experience1, though whether that's something you want to learn…

(1I'm the ex-alkie who posted a few times above… for the last few years of my drinking I basically didn't get hungover any more because I'd nailed the amounts I'd need to drink)

> Thats seems like a false choice, either I admit I'm an alcoholic or I'm in denile about it.
Yep, that's one of those catch-22 problems which it is rather irritating to deal with. It comes up whenever you deal with alcoholism, so don't let that get you down… just keep in mind that it's based on a lot of experience by folks like the AA and similar organisations: when someone starts questioning how much they drink, identifies that it's probably no healthy and then continues to drink as before anyway then there usually is a problem. Whether alcohol is the cause or a symptom of that problem is another matter, of course.
>> No. 4792 Anonymous
22nd April 2012
Sunday 4:28 pm
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>you may want to seriously consider seeking other help… it'll be healthier in the long run.

I gave therapy a fair shot and it didn't seem to work for me

Was taught CBT I wasn't conviced, it seemed concerned with putting a possitive spin on everything rather than dealing with the truth of the situation, and I can't get behind that logic, sometimes things are just shitty and it has nothing to do with your outlook, or trying to find the positive edge doesn't really help the situation.

Equally have been on SSRIs and Mirtazapine. SSRIs didn't seem to do much for me apart from permanently rob me of my abblity to feel orgasums and emotional attachment to my enviroment, I knew that was a risk at the time so I accept that.

Mirtazapine definately helped mentally but I got really bad physical side effects that I don't really want to endure again, the best way of discribing it is it was like the day after you've done too much exercise and all your muscels hurt.

I wouldn't say I self medicate with drinking, if I know I'm feeling shitty I avoid drink, part of that is experiance and knowing that in the past it didn't help at all to drink alone if anything it was a way for me to encourage myself to feel shit, I'd say I self medicate by forcing myself to go out and be active so i'm distracted and that involves being in the enviroments where I drink. If you removed the drink from the days where I've been hung over at work I would still probably be physically exhaughsted, I think I would probably find my life a boring depressing experiance without going out regularly midweek.

>folks like the AA

The 12 step program bugs me a lot, it reads to me like a cult indoctrination exercise, I don't really care about what their twisted opinion is on anything.
>> No. 4793 Anonymous
22nd April 2012
Sunday 8:10 pm
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> The 12 step program bugs me a lot
Don't get spotting a problem confused with treating it; I'm no fan of the AA either (there's a reason I didn't use them) but they do get a few things right (the 12 step program being one of the things they don't, in my view).

Either way, you know yourself better than I do, so it's up to you to decide where the problem is. I'm happy to prattle on about what you might want to look out for but ultimately if you decide drinking is not the problem then nothing I or anyone else says will change that.
>> No. 4838 Anonymous
10th May 2012
Thursday 4:37 pm
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Jesus you fucking brits are weak as hell. You just quit, punk asses.
>> No. 4839 Anonymous
10th May 2012
Thursday 4:44 pm
4839 spacer
There there, lad.
>> No. 4842 Anonymous
14th May 2012
Monday 11:37 am
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Mate you're American, you've been drinking non-alcoholic beer your whole life.
>> No. 4858 Anonymous
16th May 2012
Wednesday 12:06 am
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tee hee
>> No. 5046 Anonymous
14th August 2012
Tuesday 10:08 pm
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This was me, and I've since sorted my shit out.

2011; not my best year.
>> No. 5047 Anonymous
14th August 2012
Tuesday 11:31 pm
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Not posted in this thread before ( that my poor mind can remember) but I did manage to kick the sauce a couple of months ago due to a terrible fever and sickness, for which the antibiotics were prescribed to treat gave me such a sense of peace that I almost didn't need booze to sleep. Amazing.

But here I am again, only 3 months later, drinking more than ever, 5kg regained (purely in beer, I imagine).

Oh, what a piece of work is a man!
>> No. 5061 Anonymous
17th August 2012
Friday 11:28 pm
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Seven months and counting, but fuck me sideways if it isn't getting harder every day. I was warned about this but I didn't quite realise it'd be this insidious: the more comfortable I get not drinking, the more I seemingly try and convince myself that I can safely start drinking again. I'm more or less resigned to the fact that come the one year sobriety anniversary I'll get pished (and probably stuck again)… if I even make it that far.

Bad vibes all around.
>> No. 5126 Anonymous
10th September 2012
Monday 8:22 pm
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Has anyone here gotten those nagging pains around the liver area or am I just specially, royally fucked?
>> No. 5147 Anonymous
23rd September 2012
Sunday 7:17 pm
5147 spacer
It's not a good sign and, if in doubt, get thee to thine GP to have it checked out. They may advise you to drink less but they will at least have a look regardless.

Failing that, get some vitamin supplements (especially A and E, though an extra shot of D, B1 and B12 doesn't hurt either). Alcohol messes around with how effectively you absorb certain nutrients so making sure they're in sufficient supply is a sensible thing to do — no need to go nuts, though, stick to the "one a day" or whatever guideline that's on the box.
>> No. 5177 Anonymous
8th October 2012
Monday 1:39 am
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I'm kind of worried i'm turning into too much of a lifestyle drinker. I work in a pub right, so I drink after every shift, and then if I'm not at work, I come in and have a few beers in the evening anyway. I'm not on the same level as you lads doing litres of spirits a day, and to be honest I'm more worried about getting fat than getting liver disease, but still. I feel incomplete and restless without at least 3 drinks before bed. Trouble is, I have a mate who is similar, but he's up to drinking like 8 strong polish beers every night, and I don't wanna be doing that day in day out out of compulsion rather than enjoyment. I guess it's the constant nature of the habit that worries me rather than the amount consumed in each sitting. I'm druink now, hence this post. Had 4 pints of fuller's ESB - man if you don't know about that stuff then shit, don't even call yourself a beer drinker - it's some fucking evil witches brew I tell you. It's only 5.5%abv, but 3 pints fucks you up, properly. I've had beers claiming to be 8%+ that have affected me far less. Seriously, next time you find a pub serving ESB, see how many pints it takes to hit you. Unless you're some alcoholic behemoth, you'll finish your second and be like "fuuuuuck, I'm feeling that already"
>> No. 5184 Anonymous
11th October 2012
Thursday 6:16 pm
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Something weird has just happened to me that suddenly and very sharply brought my drinking into focus after not really worrying about it since my last ultrasound over a year ago.

I went to my local off-licence, as usual, picked up my daily ration of lager, as usual, and as I was paying the new girl behind the counter turned around to ask her boss how much a 12-pack of my beer was. He said "Oh. To him it's 10 pounds." I don't know how long this has been going on or how much by, but apparently I am such a reliable customer at the place that I have been getting some sort of discount and I wasn't even aware of it. Occassionaly I buy a bottle of rum and they give me a discount on that but I thought that was just because I bought it so rarely that the profit they made on my beer was covering it.

I was thinking that it's probably only about 50p per sixpack or something but do I really drink that much that it's worth keeping me sweet? But then I started thinking that if I've bought 12 cans in there almost everyday for the past 7 years at a tenner a pop that works out at more than 25grand.

Then I started thinking that if I had put that money to one side instead of drinking it I could buy... but the only thing I could think of was large amounts of alcohol. And then it hit me, I don't want or need anything because I have alcohol. It was a little bit sad.

I always thought that, because I don't drink spirits (or even wine) habitually, I could never be an alcoholic but now I'm not so sure.

Are they very dull twinges and not "painful" in the traditional sense? If so you get used to them after a while and my doctor didn't seem overly concerned about them when I told him.
>> No. 5185 Anonymous
11th October 2012
Thursday 6:30 pm
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>Had 4 pints of fuller's ESB - man if you don't know about that stuff then shit, don't even call yourself a beer drinker

I'm glad this is universal, after 4 pints I'm weaving down the road, whereas I can happily knock back a dozen lesser lagers and not feel a thing. Plus it tastes fucking delicious!
>> No. 5188 Anonymous
14th October 2012
Sunday 10:20 am
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>I always thought that, because I don't drink spirits (or even wine) habitually, I could never be an alcoholic but now I'm not so sure.
I've never really understood this mentality. I remember a mate of mine got all concerned once because he saw a bottle of whisky in the bin. At the time he was drinking at least four pints a night, usually a lot more.

If you are drinking every night, and can't not drink every night, you're an alcoholic. It doesn't matter if you're drinking neat Everclear or tossing back pisswater lager; in some respects it's worse if you're the latter, because at least the spirits drinker can't be in denial about the nature of their consumption.

If you're drinking 12 cans a night, every night, you are unquestionably an alcoholic. Do the percentage conversion:
4% of 12x500ml of shit lager = 240ml of alcohol
38% of 700ml of Smirnoff = 266ml of alcohol
That's fuck all difference. More to the point, drinking that amount will almost certainly be causing you damage.
>> No. 5191 Anonymous
16th October 2012
Tuesday 12:46 am
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My lager of choice is 5% not 4. That means that I actually drink MORE on a normal night than on nights when I "smash it" and get rum instead of beer. I had never done the maths before but now I suddenly realise how completely and totally fucked I am. I seriously want to thank you because you have probably just saved my life, assuming I can quit.

My next question is obvious. Is there any drug, legal or extralegal, that does the same thing as alcohol but is not bad for the liver? I'm looking for a dissociative/depressant with a half-life of 3 hours or more and side-effects that do not manifest until the next morning that can be easily obtained and does not need to be snorted or injected also it must cost £20 or less for a fun evening of heavy consumption. What is it?
>> No. 5192 Anonymous
16th October 2012
Tuesday 1:06 am
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The other one to watch out for is larger cans. An 8-pack of most export lagers is usually 8x440ml = 3520ml. By comparison a Stella "La Grande Bier" or whatever it is, the pint can, is 568ml. 8 cans of that is 4544ml, which is a pretty substantial difference.

>My next question is obvious. Is there any drug, legal or extralegal, that does the same thing as alcohol but is not bad for the liver?
Nothing that gets you blotto comes without a price.
>> No. 5193 Anonymous
16th October 2012
Tuesday 1:10 am
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>> No. 5206 Anonymous
17th October 2012
Wednesday 12:53 am
5206 spacer
I can't wait 300 years for a fucking drink.
>> No. 5207 Anonymous
17th October 2012
Wednesday 3:46 am
5207 spacer

GHB / GBL. Seriously. And don't write it off as a date-rape drug.

Also an amazing side-effect of GHB is reduction of booze cravings.
>> No. 5220 Anonymous
20th October 2012
Saturday 8:18 pm
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I looked into it but apparently I've just missed the boat on gbl being easily obtainable from any DIY place. I'll still give it a shot but I'm kicking myself because I was definitely already in trouble with the booze before it was banned. I'm worried about buying/trying to buy it because, while I have an open mind, I'm worried that I would be assumed a date-rapist by others if I was looking for it but maybe I'm just overly worried about what other people think.

Having said that, my grandad, who was a local celebrity on account of his homebrewing, drank like a fish even after having two strokes and being diabetic, died peacefully in his sleep this morning at the age of 88 so maybe I won't give up the drink just yet. I'm toasting him anyway and see no reason to stop toasting him every single night for the next 40 years. I obviously have good genes.

He had this poem or some variant of it on a decorative plate in his kitchen since before I can remember:
The horse and mule live 30 years
And never knows of wines and beers
The goat and sheep at 20 die
Without a taste of scotch or rye.

The cow drinks water by the ton
And at 18 is mostly done.
The dog at 15 cashes in
Without the aid of rum or gin.

The modest, sober, bone-dry hen
Lays eggs for nogs and dies at 10.
But sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men
Survive three-score years and 10.

And some of us, though mighty few
Stay pickled 'til we're 92.
(he was only four years short which is quite good going).

whinge for crying about my grandad
>> No. 5221 Anonymous
21st October 2012
Sunday 12:47 am
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Not to dick around with you right now, but give booze to those animals every day and see how long they last. Saying your drinking isn't a problem because your granddad survived to 88 is like saying that asbestos isn't a problem because his loft was full of it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, eh? Go take a lungful of those microfibres and see. Chances are - not really. Yes, you may survive anyway, but that doesn't mean that what you are doing is healthy, and expecting your genes to protect you is daft and also missing the point: alcoholism is a problem because it makes life a miserable drudge, and robs you of all motivation and the interesting things you could be doing instead. Don't spend your days inside knocking back 12 cans of export strength lager a night, mate. No good will come of it.
>> No. 5229 Anonymous
22nd October 2012
Monday 10:18 pm
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>alcoholism is a problem FOR ME because it makes life a miserable drudge, and robs you of all motivation and the interesting things you could be doing instead.

I made a small but, I feel, important correction to your sentence.

Some people are happy slowly turning their livers into foie gras. We're here to support those who are trying to change, not judge those who live hedonistically.
>> No. 5230 Anonymous
22nd October 2012
Monday 10:45 pm
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I hear what you're saying, but the counterpoint is: find me a person who drinks a litre of vodka (or more) a day and is happy. You're right in that this is relative, we all have different limits and tolerances; some people have smack as their Sunday comedown for a decade and then drop it without thought when their life changes, others are hooked after the first encounter and it ruins their life. It's fair to say that most people who drink substantially and every day end up feeling pretty miserable, anyway - this isn't about my assumptions or judgements, it's a simple statement of fact. There will be exceptions, but they don't change my advice.
>> No. 5231 Anonymous
22nd October 2012
Monday 11:46 pm
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I drink 50-60cl daily, except weekends when I expect to at least double that.

I'm happy with my life, I have a family, a career and friends.

Do I meet your criteria for a counterpoint?
>> No. 5234 Anonymous
23rd October 2012
Tuesday 12:12 am
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You haven't said what it is that you drink 50-60cl of a day. Anyway, I think my post was pretty clear. If you're the exception then congratulations, and I have no quarrel with you either way.
>> No. 5235 Anonymous
23rd October 2012
Tuesday 12:53 am
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>find me a person who drinks a litre of vodka (or more) a day and is happy.
>I drink 50-60cl daily
I thought it was quite clear that I meant vodka.

>If you're the exception then congratulations, and I have no quarrel with you either way.
That's fine and I feel the same way, but I've just invalidated your counterpoint. You're right we all have different limits and tolerances, but unless you can cite studies and evidence to support your assertion that "most people who drink substantially and every day end up feeling pretty miserable" I think you should stick to what >>5229 said and offer your advice and support to those who are trying to change.
>> No. 5255 Anonymous
23rd October 2012
Tuesday 11:36 pm
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>unless you can cite studies and evidence
I don't doubt that there are studies that address the degenerative effects on the brain of chronic alcohol consumption, but if I found them, would you really read them? Well, either way, knock yourself out:


Let us all demand papers, of sufficient peer-reviewed academic rigour, to justify even the most obvious statements.

No, my evidence is circumstantial and wholly subjective, based on my own experiences and those of the many others around me who have drunk alcohol to various extents. Disagree as is your prerogative, but as a statement I absolutely stand by what you quoted. If you're drinking 50cl of vodka or more every day and are happy that's great and it's your life; we'll see where you are in another decade.

>I think you should stick to what >>5229 said and offer your advice and support to those who are trying to change.
I don't see how saying "I drink lots and I'M FINE!" is in any way advice or support to those who are trying to change.
>> No. 5256 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 12:18 am
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>but if I found them, would you really read them?
Yes, I would. Half of those links aren't relevant.

Your search criteria are poorly defined too, we're not arguing about degenerative effects of chronic alcohol consumption on cognitive function, we're arguing about happiness.

>to justify even the most obvious statements.
Remember when it was obvious that the Earth was the centre of the universe?

>I don't see how saying "I drink lots and I'M FINE!" is in any way advice or support to those who are trying to change.
I never said I was trying to help people, I'm just here to tell you to mind your own business unless people ask for your help.

Look at your quote
>alcoholism is a problem because it makes life a miserable drudge, and robs you of all motivation and the interesting things you could be doing instead.
And now look at >>5229's amended version
>alcoholism is a problem FOR ME because it makes life a miserable drudge, and robs you of all motivation and the interesting things you could be doing instead.

Do you honestly not see the difference there? In the first one, you're preaching from your soapbox about how every alcoholic is wrong, and in the second you're offering your own subjective opinion on this very sensitive issue.

You then go on to say there are no happy alcoholics, which I pop up to dispute, then you say you didn't mean that there are NO happy alcoholics, but the MAJORITY aren't happy.

That's why I'm asking for a published work supporting you, not because I'm a pedantic uppity twat, (I am, but that doesn't matter) but because you're trying to crowbar your opinion into this thread with no regard for its validity.

In my opinion, not that it really matters, most alcoholics are happy as long as they can afford it, handle it, and enjoy the feeling.

Alcoholics who can't afford it usually don't last long before they end up in jail, the ones who can't handle it end up in hospital and the ones who don't like it stop doing it.
>> No. 5257 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 12:32 am
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>most alcoholics are happy as long as they can afford it, handle it, and enjoy the feeling.
>the ones who don't like it stop doing it.
That is the most stunningly naive thing I've read on this board since its inception. Yes, the addicts tired of living a miserable life just... stop! The rest carry on having a great time.

>> No. 5258 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 1:04 am
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That's not how addiction works.

You have to like something in the first place to continue doing it voluntarily long enough to get addicted.

If someone enjoys getting pissed every night, they don't just turn into an addict in a week. It takes time to develop physical and mental dependency.
>> No. 5260 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 9:12 am
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Not him, but one of the sad things about addiction is that the behavior that leads up to it very rarely seems like a bad idea except in hindsight.

This is compounded in the case of alcohol because its ready availability and general acceptance means that you never really see an addiction coming. (I'm sure this point has been made in this thread before, but the posts seem to have been deleted).If I'd been smoking heroin, snorting coke or even hitting the benzos I would have been more careful - I've never had an addiction problem with any other drug I'd done exactly because I've always treated them with kid gloves.

Alcohol on the other hand is everywhere, all the time, and available in excess. Nights out on the lash with the lads can turn to lunchtime beers and from there to morning eye-openers with sickening alacrity. The common concept of an 'alcoholic' is such that most young people would never guess that it could apply to them, and yet all you really need to become an alcoholic is to enjoy the effects of alcohol and to have a period in your life, however short, where you just say "Fuck it".
>> No. 5261 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 9:31 am
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Does anyone else find if they drink less than enough to have a real hangover, they can't get to sleep then wake up far too early and not be able to get back off?
Is that normal?
>> No. 5262 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 10:34 am
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Trouble sleeping when you underdose (or quit) is a common problem; there are a few examples earlier on in the thread if you're interested. It's normal once you've reached a certain level of dependence or if you're in the middle of a longer (few days or more) binging session.
>> No. 5263 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 10:37 am
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I'm fine if I've had nothing at all
>> No. 5264 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 11:25 am
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I fell asleep on the sofa at about 10pm last night after a few beers, only to wake up at 1:15am. I never did get back to sleep. Another three beers spread out until about 4am or so and I was able to go back upstairs and doze fitfully until my alarm forced me out of bed.
>> No. 5266 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 12:09 pm
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That changes things a bit, though the underlying reason is probably the same. Alcohol messes with your blood sugar and can cause it to drop quite significantly (hence you get food cravings when drunk despite just having consumed hundreds of calories in drink); apparently its quite similar to a mini-diabetic episode. The result is a stress response by your body which wakes you up and keeps you awake. Eating properly beforehand (i.e. eating properly all day long, not just cramming a kebab down yourself pre-pint) can help prevent this, dextroenergy tabs, lucozade or similarly products can help once its occurring.

The above is pseudo-scientific stuff I gleaned from "reading on the internet". It seemed to work as described for me, but please do take it with an appropriate pinch of salt.
>> No. 5267 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 12:12 pm
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I thought I had eaten decently, but I'll take your word for it. It's a pain that makes me want to drink less often; that's not a problem.
>> No. 5268 Anonymous
24th October 2012
Wednesday 12:26 pm
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'stress response' sounds about right. I didn't eat all day yesterday, only in the evening and probably then not enough. I haven't really eaten much today yet either but I will pick up a bottle of lucozade or something similar and down a glass of that if I have problems again.
>> No. 5362 Anonymous
7th December 2012
Friday 2:37 pm
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This thread was a good read. I found it really helpful as a warning. I don't think I'll drink by myself any more, unless I'm testing my home-brew, that is. I'll try to give most of that away, anyhow.
>> No. 5522 Anonymous
2nd March 2013
Saturday 1:51 am
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Yes, they're only twinges but I've had some pretty awful withdrawal symptoms along with them at times since I'm a problem binge drinker. I'm rather scared to speak to my GP since I don't want to find out I've got cirrhosis or something.

I don't drink anymore, this experience has freaked me right out. I was generally feeling like the internal right side of my abdomen was 'heavier' and getting twinges in all the places that my liver occupies. Been two months now and I don't seem to have any symptoms, but I know liver damage can be silent until it's basically too late so alcohol has lost that relaxing, carefree appeal to me.
>> No. 5676 Anonymous
9th April 2013
Tuesday 9:52 pm
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Good on you for quitting. I wouldn't worry about any lasting damage now that you've stopped. I actually spent December in a rehab facility and got to know some people who were, for want of a better phrase, "real alcoholics". I broached our mutual problem of the liver twinges with some of them at the smoking shelter and was basically laughed at, apparently it's all normal for anyone steadily abusing alcohol over a long period and nothing to really worry about in the long-term. There was only one guy there who was actually dying from a fucked liver and he had been boozing since before my parents were born so relax. (I might be wrong here, please do not confuse this for actual medical advice. If you are concerned, see a doctor).

Congratulations on 3 months (assuming you are still sober). Keep it up.
>> No. 5773 Anonymous
7th May 2013
Tuesday 1:51 am
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One of the former posters here. (>>4782,>>4785>>4792)

Without trying to turn this into a sob story have most definitely turned into an alcoholic.

Had a few events happened that were a bit of a shock emotionally simultaniously, and just started drinking constantly partially as distraction, part out of self destruction. That was about a month ago. for the first week I was quite comfortably plowing through a 70cl bottle of spirit a day, I've cut down a lot since (average 10 units per day I think) and getting my life on track, but I am in the habbit of drinking first thing in the morning, and getting anxiety/ dizzy if I go too long without a drink (usally by the mid afternoon) (not sure if that is a chemical or psycological). Obviously I need to break this cycle, but I don't think it would be healthy to just cut out a substance my body obviously craves, I feel I need to slow down my pace gradually. Does anyone know anything about this? How fast is safe?

A plus is that I am no longer vomiting blood as I don't ever have the sudden abrupt endding of my drinking to experiance nausea.
>> No. 5780 Anonymous
8th May 2013
Wednesday 12:30 am
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>I am in the habbit of drinking first thing in the morning
That's the most obvious thing to deal with. Put it off until later in the day, aim for sunset, then reduce. You probably need it to sleep at this point so save it up for the knockout; you say you're doing 10 units so that's a bottle of strong wine/less than 35cl vodka. Then go without for a night with four co-codamol (for the codeine) at bedtime, or try a couple of beers along with.

Good luck.
>> No. 5795 Anonymous
14th May 2013
Tuesday 9:28 am
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OP here.

Several years on and I'm hardly drinking at all. A new found enthusiasm for exercise and new girlfriend who I'm intending on moving in with shortly have been positive effects on my life. I can't believe it was only 3 years ago since I was quite happily demolishing bottles of golden nectar.

If I have so much as 6 pints of a night these days I feel positively smashed. How times change.
>> No. 5796 Anonymous
14th May 2013
Tuesday 11:01 am
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Very happy to hear that.
>> No. 5797 Anonymous
14th May 2013
Tuesday 11:29 am
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Good on you lad, made me smile to read that.
>> No. 5851 Anonymous
4th July 2013
Thursday 3:35 am
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I've not eaten any solid food in three days and slept rough in a park tonight. Maybe it's time to call my GP, I can barely even move.
>> No. 5852 Anonymous
4th July 2013
Thursday 9:17 am
5852 spacer
That sounds like a smart plan.
>> No. 6244 Anonymous
10th October 2013
Thursday 8:05 pm
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Glad to hear it, but (sorry to be the Debbie Downer) just keep in mind that, once things become perhaps less pleasant, it's easy to fall back onto old habits. At least, that's how it worked for me: things went up, stopped drinking, then slowly started having the odd pint… and now I'm in a worse spot once more.

And my drink of choice is giving me the finger to boot.
>> No. 6269 Anonymous
20th October 2013
Sunday 7:49 am
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Well, for what it's worth I've just reread the thread and identified my posts in it, and a year later here I am sweating like a stuck pig on my sofa hugging a bottle of wine at 8am.

At least this year I can actually remember a number of days that I've gone without booze. That's a sort of achievement, right?
>> No. 6270 Anonymous
20th October 2013
Sunday 12:55 pm
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Sounds daft, and it isn't on the same level really, but I get the same thing with smoking.

I quit for 2 months, fancy a fag and then thats it.
This has happened about six times now.
>> No. 6314 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 2:25 pm
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I'm in the same boat mate.
>> No. 6479 Anonymous
15th February 2014
Saturday 8:01 pm
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For the first time in a good few years, I'm actually able to look at a drink as something to look forward to, as a treat at the end of the week, rather than it feeling like a cycle that I need to start again, as soon as possible, once the hangover has worn off.

Feels good, man.
>> No. 6480 Anonymous
16th February 2014
Sunday 1:17 am
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I'm trying to go booze free for 2 weeks. I already failed after 2 days, although it was just 2 glasses of wine. It's a lot harder than i'd ever anticipated, but then I suppose one often dosen't realise what a hold a drug truly has on them until one tries to break free.
>> No. 6481 Anonymous
16th February 2014
Sunday 2:14 am
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Or do not.

There is no try.
>> No. 6482 Anonymous
16th February 2014
Sunday 2:46 am
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I've been alcohol free for around 2 and a half months. I wasn't that much of a heavy drinker compared to some of the other lads here (I'd get drunk 3-4 times a week, around 15-25 pints a week), but I decided to see if I'd feel any better physically/mentally if I stopped it altogether. I haven't noticed any difference and will probably start drinking again, when the mood strikes me.
>> No. 6509 Anonymous
9th March 2014
Sunday 10:57 pm
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This all depends on your age and general constitution, so it may not apply to you now. My drinking problem didn't really affect me physically until I hit around 25 (having started around 18) and having talked to others, it varies. There's also the chance that you're not a "problem drinker" yet — never compare quantities since the variables involve a lot more than that, including mental health and some genetic bad luck. Ok, all that preamble out of the way, here's what I wanted to say.

The improvements after you stop drinking are gradual, so it's very easy to miss. The reset that follows resuming "normal" drinking is anything but, and quite noticeable. The older you get and the deeper you get into addiction, the worse this becomes. My most recent effort, for example, was almost a year without booze and it took nearly 3 months before I realised that I could think more clearly, had lost some weight, didn't have random bruises and scratches on me which I'd taken for granted and suddenly realised that what I assumed was a normal state of affairs — being slightly hung over — was not, in fact, normal.

I wish you the best of luck. Many, many people have a healthy relationship with alcohol and you may just find you're one of them. But… keep an eye on it and knock it on its head the moment you think it's a problem.
>> No. 6510 Anonymous
9th March 2014
Sunday 11:07 pm
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I'm only 20 but I get terrible hangovers after drinking. Even a couple of beers are enough to make me wake up feeling slightly dehydrated. After more heavy sessions I can get recurring hangovers the next day (after no more drinking).

On the other hand I know quite a few people my age who claim they never get/have had hangovers.

I'd almost certainly feel better without drinking, particular with regards to getting better sleep. But on the other hand I'd certainly have less friends and no girlfriend without some sort of social lubrication. To me it's about stopping before you reach the tipping point of catastrophic instability in drinking volume.
>> No. 6523 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 3:45 am
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It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself, "I will never not be an addict."
>> No. 6524 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 4:31 am
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That is pretty powerful.
>> No. 6976 Anonymous
9th November 2014
Sunday 1:40 am
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Resting actor, ey?

In the last five years I've gone from paying for my booze with JSA to earning dangerously close to 100K. Hooray for having met the exact right people at exactly the right time in my life. Nice problem to have? Fuck off. The major change in my life is that I can afford (secretly) to drink brand name bottles of spirits instead of the cheapest cider. Remind me, why is an alcoholic like me allowed this privilege?
>> No. 6977 Anonymous
9th November 2014
Sunday 1:50 am
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I went out last night and now I'm very hungover.
>> No. 6978 Anonymous
9th November 2014
Sunday 4:03 am
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The thing is, if you're drinking £20 bottles of wine for lunch (not with lunch) then you're not an alcoholic. If you're smashing a £60+ bottle of scotch per day, likewise. Everyone knows that alkies drink cheap cider and super-strength lager.

Sage for sarcastic parody.
>> No. 6981 Anonymous
9th November 2014
Sunday 6:07 am
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Are you saying if I only kill rich people, then it's not really murder..?
>> No. 6982 Anonymous
9th November 2014
Sunday 11:40 am
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Lad, what job are you doing to go from alky-dolescum to 100k
(where it's definitely OK to be an alky) in such a short time?
>> No. 6986 Anonymous
9th November 2014
Sunday 1:54 pm
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Drunkmod got a job doing adverts for Oak Furniture Warehouse.

I'll get my coat. And spill my pint on it.
>> No. 7046 Anonymous
19th November 2014
Wednesday 11:44 pm
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IT in London. (/emo/ ahead). I have a Comp Sci degree and a long history of using Linux and other Unixy systems. I'd previously worked for start ups (outside of London) and done what I think was a good job (with an uncanny knack of jumping ship before they went serious and profitable) but thanks to depression and alcoholism dropped off the map. Blah blah. Five years ago I lived in rural UK due to Reasons(TM) being unemployed and generally scrounging off the state with JSA, Housing Benefit, Tax benefits for the odd bits of temp work I did and really just a lot of feeling sorry for myself for about a year when an acquaintance of mine caught wind of that asked if I wanted a pretty menial job in London doing, essentially, retail counter work. It was something like 18k/year, but I was desperate (and struggling to feed my habit) and gave it a shot and that got me the foot in the door. It worked out quite well, I worked the counter and in the in between customer time wrote some code (shitty browser JS, node.js, some PHP, bits of python... typical hack work) to improve business operation. Through the grapevine discovered that another acquaintance was looking for a SysAdmin/SysOps-y kind of person in yet another start up (wage -> salary boost to around £40k/year with the usual EMI stock options), did well there despite my habit (it almost kind of helped as drinking was a big thing during company social occasions, so being able to put away the pints while everyone else was getting smashed...). Someone else I'd met during a LUG meet was making noises about them looking for an experienced "SRE" person with some knowledge of a certain type of cluster technology (hbase - which I had minimal knowledge of, but managed to blag the interview) and voilà: combined income of salary, RSU (from an established company, no more EMIs) guaranteed "bonuses" etc. add up to just under 100k/pa, likely to increase if I can somehow keep my mind clear enough to keep doing my job. Which, incidentally, is a part of the Big Data bubble, but at a company that moves slowly enough that they wouldn't cotton on to a tidal wave if it hit them square in the face, so hey. As long as I can turn up in the morning not reeking like a brewery and remain lucent enough to perform, I'll be golden.

As alluded to in my (severely drunken - I'm only somewhat tipsy right now) previous post: in those years I've met other perfectly capable people who, if they tried, could be where I am and better. It's purely by chance and upbringing that I met who I met and got the chances I got.
>> No. 7047 Anonymous
19th November 2014
Wednesday 11:53 pm
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Just to point one thing out, I don't drink during the day. I just knock back a pint or two spirits every night, so I can put up a pretty face during most of working hours.
>> No. 7048 Anonymous
20th November 2014
Thursday 12:43 am
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I can tell you that after knocking back a pint or two of spirits on sunday I've not been pulling anywhere near a pretty face since.

I prefer weed but hardly anyone I know around here tokes.
>> No. 7050 Anonymous
21st November 2014
Friday 1:14 am
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I work in an environment where turning up at 10am is considered "early", so I can make sure that I don't smell like a brewery. I'll have to admit, it's getting harder and harder as I get older to keep up the charade and if I go way over board I have to make up stories about legendary nights out. I have no illusions that in 5-10 years time (if I'm lucky) my body will no longer put up with the abuse I'm putting it through.

And yes, I too prefer weed. But one I'm an alcoholic and two I can't get a legal supply of weed (which sadly matters). The only time I didn't drink daily was when I spent two weeks in Amsterdam where I vaped twice. Were it legal here, I'm positive I'd be better off, hence I financially support RELEASE now that I can as well as being quietly active in local efforts towards legalisation.
>> No. 7051 Anonymous
21st November 2014
Friday 1:35 am
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> I work in an environment where turning up at 10am is considered "early", so I can make sure that I don't smell like a brewery.

This is actually tougher than it sounds. Beer stinks off you the next day but red wine and spirits don't as much. Shower well, brush your teeth three times, mouthwash, aftershave (a liberal dousing can mask a multitude of sins), make sure you drink plenty of water before you go in. I've also found Red Bull (or whatever imitation) hides the booze breath amazingly well. The last thing I used to do in my ritual before actually hitting the office in the morning was to pick up a bottle of water, two cans of Red Bull and some breath mints / chewing gum. One can down the hatch and one to stick on my desk when I arrive. FWIW, being a known Red Bull / coffee drinker can help mask your general distraction and shaky hands. Coffee breath also masks booze breath. (Who would've thought that being a professional alcoholic was such hard work).

What became the hardest thing for me eventually was the panic attacks (essentially alcohol withdrawal) that used to hit every day around lunchtime if I didn't get out and have a drink. At the time I worked at a bank in a rather Calvinist country (nothing like the boozy lunchtimes in the square mile) and if I'd been seen sneaking a lunchtime beer by anyone from the company I probably would've been for the high jump. I eventually ended up sinking half a bottle of wine most mornings for breakfast in an attempt to tide me through, and when that failed I ended up with a bunch of red wine miniatures in my inside jacket pocket, took up smoking (or pretended to) and necked a wee bottle every time I pretended to go out for a fag.

Looking back, being an alcoholic was a total fucking chore. Never again, please.
>> No. 7056 Anonymous
22nd November 2014
Saturday 12:05 pm
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How do you find the time for all this guff? I struggle to get in for 9 with a shower, all this hiding your alcoholism sounds really tedious.
>> No. 7057 Anonymous
22nd November 2014
Saturday 1:54 pm
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It's surprisingly self-sustaining. It becomes a motivation all by itself- In sober life you don't even have to think about such things, you just lay in bed 20 minutes past your alarm, contemplating how much you hate your job. The alcoholic, however, has several extra side quests to complete each morning, and throughout the day, that serve not to reinforce but in fact alleviate tedium.

I think I'll probably never be able to give up smoking for that reason alone. As pathetic as it sounds, the occasional challenge of finding a quiet spot to have a sly cig on a slow day, or running out of fags and making a dash to the shop on my lunch break, goes a good way toward eliminating that daily grind of routine.
>> No. 7328 Anonymous
20th April 2015
Monday 11:00 pm
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Another few months and a few things have changed: I stopped drinking almost entirely and started smoking instead.

A few months ago I was on business in Germany which I used as a change of scenery to substance switch. Instead of drinking I took 400-600mg of diphenhydramine which is available over the counter there to get myself to sleep. Some psychedelic side effects aside (which I was familiar with and able to handle, I would not recommend this to anyone who is prone to paranoia or has no experience with hallucinogenics) it was a painless transition. Over the course of the week I tapered that to around 100-150mg and withdrawal upon my return was minimal. This is also where I stared smoking, something I've done in the past and thought I was rid off but it seems I really just switched from booze to fags (on around 10-20/day at the moment). One of these days I'll have a chat with my GP about that.

Unfortunately, mind fogginess and disturbed sleep were still present and I'm struggling to feed myself properly thanks to a distinct lack of appetite.

The few hundred calories I used to get from booze have not been replaced. Breakfast isn't happening most days as I physically can't keep food down, lunch is small, dinner I often shovel in the carbs no doubt making sleep problems worse but overall I've lost nearly 1½ st. That technically puts me at a healthy-ish weight for the time being (pound shy of 12st at 5'11") but if the trend continues then that's not good news. I can't seem to find the motivation to eat more.

Around 3 weeks ago I started taking 200mg of modafinil in the mornings on weekdays to combat the fogginess which has been fantastic. No shakiness, no high, no racing mind just a subtle but to me very noticeable calm and collected clear mind most days. This too is something I should definitely discuss with my GP.

Sleeping was the biggest problem as I used to knock myself out via booze and I still haven't really found a way to wind down without it in the evening. As a result, I didn't normally get to sleep until 2-3am with nothing productive happening after around midnight; any attempt to go to bed before then just resulted in tossing and turning with my mind racing every which way but going nowhere. For the past two weeks I've attempted to combat this via CBD oil (~30mg CBD/night) which has had a positive impact in that I feel noticeably calmer, sleep better, can get myself into bed around 1am and have far fewer problems getting out of bed in the morning. Once again, this makes me wish I could get a legal supply of decent cannabis, i.e. something with balanced THC/CBD instead of the super high THC dreck that seems to be all that's sold on the streets.

Fixing sleep and nutrition should hopefully fix the mind problems in the long run so I should be able to ditch the modafinil at least.
>> No. 7329 Anonymous
21st April 2015
Tuesday 12:07 am
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> super high THC dreck
No offence to those who do appreciate the effects of THC, of course, just not exactly what I'm personally after as a daily routine.
>> No. 7330 Anonymous
21st April 2015
Tuesday 12:53 am
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>I took 400-600mg of diphenhydramine
Christ. That's one way of coming off booze, I suppose. Are such high doses safe, though?

Switching from alcoholism to a cigarette addiction is a pretty major step, anyway, so well done there.
>> No. 7331 Anonymous
21st April 2015
Tuesday 2:21 am
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Safe for me in this context. It won't kill you and it causes no long term physical damage over the short duration that I took it as far as I am aware. I'd also used it a handful of times recreationally in the past and thus had a rough idea of what dose to shoot for. Based on the horror stories some people report on erowid, that seems to be a good few hundred mg more than most, so definitely not safe for someone trying it for the first time.
>> No. 7590 Anonymous
12th July 2015
Sunday 10:03 am
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well shit.

people have been jokingly telling me I'm an alcoholic for a few years now and I always just assumed I'd be fine. My drinking definitely was close to being dangerous (thanks for nothing, Christopher Hitchens) at one point, but after I necked a full bottle of port (thanks for nothing, Charles Bukowski) and had to stumble home from the field I was in feeling like death I decided to stop getting absolutely wasted just for something to do.

but since then i've definitely felt that thirst can only something alcoholic can quench. i guess it's safe to assume that if I don't keep this in check it'll morph into dependence eventually, even if it's in five years time.
>> No. 7592 Anonymous
12th July 2015
Sunday 4:12 pm
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>but since then i've definitely felt that thirst can only something alcoholic can quench.

I hate to confirm that nagging voice at the back of your head that you're trying to run away from, lad, but it already sounds like dependence. I can't think of a healthy mentality where it should be a struggle not to drink, sorry.
>> No. 7593 Anonymous
12th July 2015
Sunday 8:22 pm
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I miss being underage, where booze was so much more of an effort to come by.
>> No. 7594 Anonymous
19th July 2015
Sunday 4:55 am
7594 spacer

So much for that attempt. Smoking (secretly) went up to around 15-20 fags a day, survived one business trip but the next meant I couldn't easily smoke while at the same time being "forced" to drink at lunches and dinners. I managed to not pick up smoking again when I got back and held out on drinking for nearly a month while also looking at a reasonable source of weed, no dice. To make matters worse, I've run out of CBD oil and neglected to get more and so nature took its course, I'd like to say, but truth is I failed myself and started drinking again. My tolerance has lowered, which I take as a good sign, but here we go again and I'm drinking daily until knock-out... provided I have enough booze to do so. Fortunately I have enough self control still to not stockpile too much. The result is this shite sleeping pattern though when I don't drink or have not enough to knock me out properly like tonight.

The bad news is that I can tell how much of a deleterious effect this is having on my brain now. I can't concentrate worth shit, I'm slurring my speech even when sober (so possible brain damage, yay) and I have episodes of strong feelings of impending doom coupled with impotent rage and rather violent intrusive thoughts (those aren't new, but have increased to problem levels).

Note to self: just stop. Stop. Stop now. And get help. Maybe I'll read this after I got some sleep and remember that it was me who wrote it.
>> No. 7595 Anonymous
19th July 2015
Sunday 2:56 pm
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> and I have episodes of strong feelings of impending doom coupled with impotent rage and rather violent intrusive thoughts

I don't know what levels you're drinking at, but that feeling of impending doom is often one of the many intermediary steps of withdrawal, which starts off as a hangover and ends up many years later as full-blown DTs.
>> No. 7596 Anonymous
19th July 2015
Sunday 3:02 pm
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Would you ever consider going to your GP? It sounds like you could do with talking to someone about this, mate. We are social creatures after all; getting help from others in times of hardship is what we do.
>> No. 7597 Anonymous
19th July 2015
Sunday 6:17 pm
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>> No. 7598 Anonymous
19th July 2015
Sunday 6:24 pm
7598 spacer
Delirium Tremens - the shakes.

>> No. 7599 Anonymous
19th July 2015
Sunday 11:54 pm
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Sounds like the classic Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome anxiety and manic depression to me. >>7594 those feelings you will experiance on and off for at least most of a month after your last drink of your binge period. And you will probably get them for a few days every time you drink more then you should, from now on.


GPs are litterally useless for this thing, by the time I was able to get any assistance with my drinking it was 2 months later and I had already got myself down to a level that they no longer considered necessary of attention. It's also absurdly difficult to get drugs for the withdrawl. If you don't want to be an alcoholic it is down to you, society won't help, if nothing else because the trappings of alcoholism are so common in our society no one realises that they are. And if you are open about it people will treat you like you are made of glass, whilst being oblivious to the less honest ones around them. The hypocracy is really quite incredible.
>> No. 7600 Anonymous
20th July 2015
Monday 12:18 am
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A friend cancelled on plans this evening because she was 'in one of those moods that I hate'. Texting her about it, she said that when she was abroad this past week "I had alcohol for the first time in five months. Not massive amounts- little and often but that could have disrupted my serotonin levels".

Furthermore "If I drink regularly and then stop, the few days after I get really panicking and paranoid". When I suggested this sounded like withdrawal, she was dismissive: "Anyway- I've been fine drinking in the past- it's just every now and then and it may not even be related. I've felt like this when I've not been drinking- it's just been easier to snap out of."

What does this sound like to you lads?
>> No. 7601 Anonymous
20th July 2015
Monday 12:37 am
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You already know exactly what it sounds like.
>> No. 7602 Anonymous
20th July 2015
Monday 12:50 am
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She sounds like she has been reading about alcoholism and finds it fascinating and thinks it might make her more interesting. "My serotonin levels" and not actually drunk for months, wtf?

I've drunk 65 plus units per week for the last fifteen years and have done some incredible work on it and seen aspects of life I wouldn't otherwise have known about. It will almost certainly kill me slightly prematurely but hey-ho.
>> No. 7604 Anonymous
20th July 2015
Monday 7:14 am
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She has anxiety disorder, that might be why she mentioned serotonin.
>> No. 7605 Anonymous
20th July 2015
Monday 1:09 pm
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>> No. 7674 Anonymous
1st September 2015
Tuesday 4:18 pm
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I've started drinking again on a daily basis after a year long dry spell. What's great is that the anhedonia is gone, replaced with emotional instability, When I'm drinking my mood is stable and upbeat. When I'm not I'm manic depressive with the depressive definitely the dominant of the two, even that feels like a welcome change of pace to the flatline I had become accustomed to. I'm expecting this to be just a phase whilst I get on top of what I'm doing with myself again, before I sober up. I've done the whole Constantly drunk thing and it's not worth it. I just wish there was some way to not be emotionally dead and not depressed at the same time.
>> No. 7716 Anonymous
29th September 2015
Tuesday 10:02 pm
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You and me both. Super unstable, random violence on my mind. Teeth gnashing and seconds of lost time in violent fantasy. None of that usual numbness, the erratic drinking I fell back into is nuts.

Did I say 100K? Why in the fucking fuck does good luck get piled up on me, it cannot last. 100k just about covers my RSUs plus bonus. The closest thing to solid food I had in the last 96h is a burrito and a block of cheese. If you can figure out how to contact the pantsu, maybe there's a job for you in Linux admin plus that current special flavour.
>> No. 7717 Anonymous
29th September 2015
Tuesday 10:10 pm
7717 spacer
P.S., I ordered more Modafinil. This should hopefully get me off the sauce again which is currently dosing up again. Ordered more Modafinil (I should've never dropped it) which should hopefully let me return to concentrating during the day and then sleep at night. I may try melatonin next.
>> No. 7718 Anonymous
29th September 2015
Tuesday 10:15 pm
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Have you tried not putting drugs into your body? They don't seem to be doing you much good m9.
>> No. 7719 Anonymous
29th September 2015
Tuesday 10:15 pm
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Are you intentionally pretending to be me? This is weird as fuck.
>> No. 7725 Anonymous
29th September 2015
Tuesday 10:47 pm
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Yes. I had one blissful year of abstinence about 4 years ago. By the end of it, though, I was gagging for something, anything, and defaulted to booze. I've been seeking out drugs ever since I could spell the word and I somehow doubt I'll come off them. Lucky me, I've kept of opioids, because I just know they're right up my alley.

I hope not, because if so... well, you know the downsides and no more needs to be said.
>> No. 7726 Anonymous
29th September 2015
Tuesday 11:14 pm
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The only difference is all the money you've been making. If you're willing to share we could just put it down to some sort of reality mishap and we can share the blame.
>> No. 7737 Anonymous
3rd October 2015
Saturday 1:30 pm
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> 100k just about covers my RSUs plus bonus.

No, it doesn't, not even close. Why do I exaggerate so when drunk? It's getting worse. Posts like the above (and writings elsewhere) come along usually after a couple of days of replacing solid food with booze. The next day was considerably worse, with a lot more psychotic grand standing (elsewhere online, fortunately) and other delusional behaviour. For better or for worse, the follow up of that was sufficient to give me a kick in the nuts and make another go of going sober. Modafinil's arrived yesterday, previously that helped let me get things done during the day and feel "the right" to be exhausted in the evening, which makes it easier to go to bed early, which leads to a clearer mind overall, which leads and just generally happy things.

Still on the fags, mind.
>> No. 7739 Anonymous
4th October 2015
Sunday 12:40 pm
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Forget about the cigs for now. Alcohol is a much bigger deal.

Good luck mate.
>> No. 7742 Anonymous
25th October 2015
Sunday 9:10 pm
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It didn't quite work out as planned. The initial bravado wore off very quickly and after only a couple of days I was back on the sauce. It once again came to a head with what I assume was high blood pressure, a foggy head minor trouble breathing and just generally feeling like a rotten bag of shite. Despite the above, I'm now one week sober, which required changing some habits.

The first big one was managing to go home without the routine stop at the shops to pick up a bottle of something. More than once in the past have I literally said out loud to myself "No, for fucks sake, don't" while turning towards the shops instead of the direct path home, but this time I resisted. With luck, that should get easier over time.

The second was doing a weekly shop yesterday also without buying booze. Thanks, Tesco, for putting offer displays all over the fucking shop. Shove your "festive spirit" up your arse, shouldn't you be hawking Halloween shite still?. The trick here was not to fall into the old "tomorrow's Sunday, no one will know!" trap, which I dodged. It was, however, more a case of getting away with it than it was of conviction winning through, so I'll have to keep an eye on that.

I'm really not looking forward to the inevitable social events coming up over the next couple of months.
>> No. 7743 Anonymous
25th October 2015
Sunday 11:03 pm
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I drink when I'm anxious because it makes me not anxious and I know that is probably fine in moderation, but I'm struggling to keep a lid on it.
>> No. 7744 Anonymous
26th October 2015
Monday 12:06 am
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Third day in a row picking up 8 tins at the corner shop and the new cashier asks "you don't drink all these on your own, right?". Mumbled some lie about housemates while wishing for the previous guys who never questioned my habit. I think I have a problem.
>> No. 7745 Anonymous
26th October 2015
Monday 12:14 pm
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>> No. 7746 Anonymous
26th October 2015
Monday 12:31 pm
7746 spacer

Well clearly you have a problem, you have some upstart cashier trying to engage with the lives of their customers like they don't understand the rules of our society.
>> No. 7747 Anonymous
26th October 2015
Monday 8:02 pm
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Just don't engage, they'll give up sooner or later. Unless you're living in a small enough place for rumors to travel it makes no difference and unless the cashier is a twerp they'll soon learn that friendly alkies are easy safe and steady revenue and treat you accordingly.
>> No. 7748 Anonymous
26th October 2015
Monday 10:28 pm
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Find another corner shop. I walked extra fix minutes to a different corner shop because the person who runs the one closest to me started getting too friendly and chatty.

Never ever get chatty and friendly with anyone you buy things from. It sets a precedent.
>> No. 7749 Anonymous
26th October 2015
Monday 10:37 pm
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>Never ever get chatty and friendly with anyone you buy things from. It sets a precedent.
Weed dealers are the worst for this.
>> No. 7750 Anonymous
26th October 2015
Monday 11:03 pm
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I used to hate the same thing with fags when I smoked - it wasn't so much that I was ashamed of smoking, more that I was so predictable.
>> No. 7807 Anonymous
14th January 2016
Thursday 12:46 pm
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I drank a whole bottle of Bells to myself over the course of yesterday. I need to stop doing this.
>> No. 7808 Anonymous
14th January 2016
Thursday 1:07 pm
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What was the motive for drinking the bottle of Bells? The reason behind these things is very telling of what to do to not do them.
>> No. 7809 Anonymous
14th January 2016
Thursday 1:42 pm
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I was thirsty.
>> No. 7810 Anonymous
14th January 2016
Thursday 5:22 pm
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Then all your problems can be solved with a glass of water.

>> No. 7811 Anonymous
15th January 2016
Friday 2:20 pm
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Given that the day in question was a Wednesday I would guess the reason was being unemployed.
>> No. 7812 Anonymous
15th January 2016
Friday 6:16 pm
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Who hasn't had a drink at work before?
>> No. 7813 Anonymous
15th January 2016
Friday 8:21 pm
7813 spacer
Well sure but 'a drink' != 'an entire bottle of whisky'.
>> No. 7814 Anonymous
16th January 2016
Saturday 3:02 am
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I know you're posting from /*/ but you could at least read the thread's first post before you reply. When you have a decent alcohol tolerance going on a bottle of whisky barely touches the sides, especially when you spread it out over an entire day.
>> No. 7864 Anonymous
4th February 2016
Thursday 8:59 pm
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I'm on my 4th bottle of Gin in as many days. With soda water it is just so moreish. Haven't eaten much.

The local Co-op is doing a deal on gin, soda water and lemons. I blame capitalism.
>> No. 7867 Anonymous
4th February 2016
Thursday 11:35 pm
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Is this deal at all Co-ops? Sainsbury's had some deals on gin recently but it was all sold out when I got there, some bastard clearly beat me to it.
>> No. 7871 Anonymous
5th February 2016
Friday 10:48 pm
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It's getting pretty bad.
I've started putting triples in bottles of coke and taking them to work with me again. I haven't done that since I was a teenlad.

Currently getting down 3 bottles of whiskey a week. I fucking hate my job and often get pissed at the end of the work day, on the weekend I drink and smoke like a fat alcohol powered locomotive.

When shit starts going sour as it has done over the last year I'm really fucking glad I don't have any mates or a girlfriend because I wouldn't want anyone to see me in a state, I don't give a shit at work, I'm not a danger to anyone apart from telling people on the phone to get fucked. it hasn't happened yet, but it might one day.
>> No. 7890 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 7:24 am
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Just took my flatmate's bike on a 3-mile round-trip to the nearest 24-hour off-licence at 3am to grab a quick bottle of vodka after 17 weeks of sobriety.

Came in, drank it, now I'm getting ready for work and to maybe wash the taste out of my mouth with lager from somewhere along the way. (Don't worry, I don't drive or operate heavy machinery). How high are my chances of getting the sack?

By the way if I get the sack I'm homeless too but I probably won't come back for this computer because the desktop background is a picture my sister took of me lying in an ocean of Tesco lager cans the last time I fell off the wagon and I don't want to look at that picture ever again even if it means losing the only thing I own.

Cheers lads.
>> No. 7891 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 11:34 am
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What triggered it?
>> No. 7898 Anonymous
30th May 2016
Monday 8:20 pm
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Going back about five or so years I had problems with alcohol, as in necking spirits just to be able to go outside.

I stopped with help and addressed some of the underlying issues, and I sometimes wonder if I could ever reintroduce drinking into my life in a more responsible and healthy way, but this thread has made me think, why risk it? The things I stand to gain by even trying are minuscule compared to the risks. So thanks, .gs. This thread will serve as a reminder.
>> No. 7899 Anonymous
31st May 2016
Tuesday 12:10 am
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I guess he got sacked and is homeless now.
>> No. 7900 Anonymous
1st June 2016
Wednesday 3:34 am
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Fear not. I got away with it and have continued to get away with it. Just as I have always gotten away with it and will continue to get away with it forever. Te salut mi amigos!
>> No. 7902 Anonymous
11th July 2016
Monday 10:03 pm
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OP >>2130 here.

Glad to see we're all still alive and kicking. Chin chin ladm8s.
>> No. 7903 Anonymous
11th July 2016
Monday 10:08 pm
7903 spacer
Just opened a beer for you.
>> No. 7904 Anonymous
11th July 2016
Monday 10:11 pm
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>> No. 7905 Anonymous
5th August 2016
Friday 4:11 am
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Well lads, today's the first time I actually thought I have a serious problem. I mean the term "high functioning alcoholic" has been tossed around but it's been working pretty well for me. However, today I was out in a city I'm familiar with, but was in unfamiliar places within it. Too much going on in my head. I debated getting some booze from this store near the metro for a bit to ease my mind but went across the way for a coffee instead. I lasted a good minute in line before saying "Fuck it." and marching back across to the store, getting a bottle, then going to the loos to down the majority of it. Then I went to a pub. Things were looking up after that and I bought a big bottle of rum to savour for other times Like now.

I've been aware I use alcohol as a crutch. Honestly I think it's been the thing that's kept me alive this long, oddly. People think I'm not being serious when I say things like "I'm surprised I'm still here, hahahaha". I really am. I am always wondering what the limit is on how much a person can take from life. And like everything else I used to distract myself before alcohol, I knew this had a time limit and eventually it'd stop working so well. I always figured it'd be sooner or later. Something would change. Well, looks like it's happening sooner now and I'm not sure what the outcome's going to be. It's fine though, however it goes.

>> No. 7906 Anonymous
5th August 2016
Friday 4:16 am
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Surprised that posted since I'm abroad. But * is the way apparently. Also apologies if it's disjointed. I feel like I had a lot more to say/explain but it's late and fuck it all I'll probably delete it later anyway. Take care lads.
>> No. 7907 Anonymous
6th August 2016
Saturday 3:57 am
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>I am always wondering what the limit is on how much a person can take from life.
I used to wonder that myself when I was tanking away every night. Now I'm not, I don't. I haven't replaced alcohol with anything more "enjoyable". Getting shitfaced is enjoyable; it's all the other stuff, like life, and health (both mental and physical), that gets in the way, that tend to make alcoholism a stressful, miserable existence.

I no longer spend my days wondering why I bother to carry on existing. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that that's a mindset borne of your current addiction.

Don't delete your post. You'll want to look back on it later, one way or another, trust me.
>> No. 7908 Anonymous
11th August 2016
Thursday 3:07 pm
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Got a wee bit too drunk yesterday and overstayed my welcome at a pub; woke up with bruises and scratches over my neck and a bit of a sprained ankle.

Too much booze and going out alone never end well for me, especially now that the results from regular weightlifting are starting to show and people think I'm an intimidating drunk. I need to re-learn my limits with alcohol.

>> No. 7909 Anonymous
2nd September 2016
Friday 12:04 pm
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For whatever reason I really liked this post and have found an excuse to browse back to it repeatedly over the last few weeks which have been quite eventful for me and seen an enormous increase in my own alcohol intake after a good couple of years on the trot of being quite a good boy. I don't know if it's because I can always see Clint Eastwood out of the corner of my eye or because the euphemism of "overstaying your welcome" particularly tickles me but I imagine you're really cool for some reason.

Just today I bunked off work and am now pretty certainly fired as a result and my mate who lives abroad now asked me why by text and I said "a wake and bake got slightly out of hand". Something about how I was distancing myself from it, as though I magically found myself drunk and high at 11am on a workday, made me want to come back to this post and enjoy it once again.

In general I feel I have learned a lot from this thread despite almost never posting in it. It has been a near-constant presence in my life for a good part of what I am now coming to accept is going to be a lifelong on-off struggle with the demon drink. Thanks guys. I'm raising a glass to every single one of you, even the guy who advised me to take up GHB when my granddad died, which was definitely not good advice as I learned the hard way.

Sage for WKD-brunch induced ramblings.
>> No. 7945 Anonymous
20th June 2017
Tuesday 9:14 pm
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Moved across the street from a garage that sells booze 24/7. Can see the fucker from my front door.
>> No. 7954 Anonymous
11th August 2017
Friday 11:56 pm
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Based on this post I too have been replaying >>7908 in my head for weeks. I now have visions of >>7908 waking up to the dawn light and emerging from a hedge he passed out in on the way home, standing up with a collection of leaves and twigs in his hair, covered in scratches and bruises and delivering Eastwood's line as he sets off.
>> No. 7956 Anonymous
20th August 2017
Sunday 11:38 pm
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Can't go two weeks without alcohol. I could if I were with myself. If I was out here with no one, it would be fine, there'd be no need. But people seem to make me.
>> No. 7957 Anonymous
20th August 2017
Sunday 11:49 pm
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Do you mean, literally two weeks? Because that doesn't sound so bad to me.
>> No. 7958 Anonymous
21st August 2017
Monday 12:24 pm
7958 spacer
Do you mean that you only drink socially due to peer pressure? Don't drink if you're uncomfortable about it. Next time you're out, order a soft drink, or to look like Jean Reno badass, a glass of milk. If your mates question you say you're just trying to cut down on your alcohol intake. If they aren't cunts they should leave it at that. If they don't, why be friends with cuts?
>> No. 7959 Anonymous
24th August 2017
Thursday 10:38 pm
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I mean being around people makes me drink. I don't fit in anywhere and it works out better, being alone. I had to hike 2 hours to buy some alcohol for where I am right now.

Well that's good at least.
>> No. 7962 Anonymous
1st September 2017
Friday 2:32 pm
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I hiked 3 hours for a bottle of whiskey, perhaps a new low. Today though I came to a realisation. I don't even want to drink that much anymore. I just want to stop hurting.
>> No. 7963 Anonymous
1st September 2017
Friday 3:00 pm
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Well I guess the obvious question is why do you hurt? and how do you stop that?
>> No. 7964 Anonymous
1st September 2017
Friday 4:06 pm
7964 spacer
>> No. 7965 Anonymous
1st September 2017
Friday 5:49 pm
7965 spacer

On the plus side, in my experience at least, this should be the beginning of the upswing for you. Once I realised that I wasn't having at fun at all drinking any more, and that I was only drinking to A) blot out deep emotional pain and B) to fend off fucking withdrawal symptoms, I was able to do as >>7963 suggests and start working towards dealing with my problems in a more constructive way.
>> No. 7966 Anonymous
1st September 2017
Friday 10:30 pm
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Drinking is boring again and I'm getting heartburn more often than not. Time for another break. It's easier to stay sober as autumn kicks in, and I can give the months catchy names like Sober September and No-Drink November,
>> No. 7967 Anonymous
2nd September 2017
Saturday 6:22 pm
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It's no fap September, m7. Good luck.
>> No. 7981 Anonymous
11th November 2017
Saturday 4:15 am
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Back on it after a good 8 months off. Had a few slips in the last few weeks but this is the first session where I've realised I'm fully "back". A word of advice, don't keep emergency booze in the house for emergencies. You are just making a provision with which to try and bargain with yourself later in a more fiendy state of mind and law of averages says it's bound to happen sooner or later. Like nuclear war. We're all; going to fucking die.
>> No. 7982 Anonymous
11th November 2017
Saturday 4:25 am
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The worst part is I just genuinely forgot I had a bottle under the sink or I'd definitely have done it before now. But can still trick myself into believing that having had it in the house all this time while sober is proof I have willpower after all and thus an excuse to reward myself by drinking it..?

It's getting to the point where talking about how this shit is evil isn't even an attempt to kid myself into being sensible anymore. I actually HAVE to quit drinking for real. But I'm still googling 24 hour off licences at 4am because a beer would be fucking amazing. Even after the best part of a litre of voddy it's what I actually need to really feel like I've come home.
>> No. 7997 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 5:01 am
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Well, I done goofed. How did no one tell me I had to do a tax return and loose my fucking allowance once I move past 100k? I still can't believe how lucky I am, so I donate most of what I earn to homeless shelters (because YOLO, I'll be there soon) and quake streamers... because they remind me of happier times.

I thought I was rid of this bug bear, but as it happens I woke up around 2am barely sober (it was my birthday and I was alone, you understand) and squinted at my phone until it ran out of battery. Now I sit here comtemplating my choices.

So now... why am I here. How much do I have to fuck up for society to realise I'm a wrong'un?
>> No. 7998 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 10:23 am
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Dunno, gimme your money.
>> No. 8008 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 1:12 pm
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Earning between 100k and 130k is sort of miserable. You pay more tax than anyone else below or above you. I feel your pain.
>> No. 8012 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 8:12 pm
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As a side note, where did you get your modafinil from and was it good? I've been looking for a decent place to order from lately but prices seem to increase quite a lot from place to place
>> No. 8013 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 8:26 pm
8013 spacer
Not him and don't know what prices are good but unitedpharmacies-uk.md IME have been reliable at least.
>> No. 8014 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 8:32 pm
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Never had a problem with these chaps: https://www.unitedpharmacies-uk.md/Modalert-Modafinil-200mg-10-Tablets-p-974.html
>> No. 8015 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 9:04 pm
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Same. I think their shipping list is probably a who's-who of gs.
>> No. 8017 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 1:21 am
8017 spacer
How have you lads been paying? Seems they only accept bitcoin and wire transfer and I'd probably have to go with the latter, but are they reliable/safe enough?
>> No. 8018 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 8:19 am
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>> No. 8019 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 9:29 am
8019 spacer
Tried to order from them recently by card and got an email saying they don't accept it right now.
>> No. 8020 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 11:08 pm
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From ModafinilCat. They closed shop about a year ago, though.
>> No. 8021 Anonymous
17th December 2017
Sunday 1:06 am
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How long do they take to deliver?
>> No. 8022 Anonymous
17th December 2017
Sunday 12:17 pm
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About a week; comes from India or China. Their shipping fees are a bastard if you don't order a lot in one go.
>> No. 8033 Anonymous
23rd January 2018
Tuesday 10:58 pm
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Health is taking a hit. For the past couple of months I've once substituded what feels like half my calories for booze and I've gained some lovely belly girth (my old 34 stretch turned into 38s barely fitting) as well as red-face syndrome. Not just some rosacea but random beet red situations, usually after some kind of extremely minor exercise like bending over to put on shoes. Strange sleep patterns which are oddly enjoyable, can't sleep during the evening but when I wake up I can spend 5-10 9-minute snooze cycles drifting off into nearly lucid brief dreams. I feel bloated all the time, have fantasies of being hungry and procure a bunch of shitty food only to eat about a 1/4 of it before I feel sick and can't eat the rest.

This may be it. The final sign that my body's no longer up to it and it's time to stop.
>> No. 8034 Anonymous
23rd January 2018
Tuesday 11:03 pm
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>> No. 8035 Anonymous
25th January 2018
Thursday 2:35 pm
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My drinking has taken a huge dip after I switched to using weed to help me sleep instead. In the past week I think I've only had a couple drinks, nothing to excess. Using modafinil some days to keep me switched on and more productive too. Just thought I'd share.
>> No. 8036 Anonymous
26th January 2018
Friday 2:53 am
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Yeah, weed helped for a while but I discovered I just fucking hate being on this planet so in the end I used the double whammy of booze and weed to knock me even more unconscious.
>> No. 8037 Anonymous
28th January 2018
Sunday 11:22 am
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Weed really isn't helpful to anyone who suffers anxiety/depression. Especially not the sort of stuff grown in the UK. We've entirety forgotten what a nice relaxing indica strain is, it's all that bullshit skunk that makes you think the DHL bloke might be an MI5 agent.
>> No. 8038 Anonymous
28th January 2018
Sunday 8:44 pm
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This has not been my experience.
>> No. 8040 Anonymous
30th January 2018
Tuesday 6:58 pm
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>skunk makes you think the DHL bloke might be an MI5 agent

Does it really do this though, or is it a predeliction of the persona using it?

>> No. 8041 Anonymous
30th January 2018
Tuesday 7:32 pm
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The advice is all out there since the rise of medicinal use around the world. I'm sure personality plays a part but none of what's popular here would EVER be recommended for someone with anxiety. The relationship between spice and the real thing has flipped so the aim is for something more like a legal high and not the other way around.
>> No. 8057 Anonymous
9th February 2018
Friday 11:08 pm
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I just re-read the entire thread and it's a trip down memory lane as well as a reminder for how long I've been at this. Annoyingly, I can only almost tell which were my posts. Short term memory loss I'm used to, but this long term memory loss? A close friend recently tried to remind me of events that happened 20 years ago... I have no memory of them.

In general, memory has gone to the dogs. The more I try to think back, the more I realise that I just don't remember. There are flashes of memory, but I can't nail them down.

The annoying thing is that I had pithy ending to this post in my mind but by the time I'd typed it I'd lost what I meant to say and couldn't recollect what it was.
>> No. 8058 Anonymous
9th February 2018
Friday 11:13 pm
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In /map/ there's an example of me answering my own question from years before before slowly realising it was fucking me.
>> No. 8059 Anonymous
9th February 2018
Friday 11:24 pm
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It's not a competition. I would be fucking embarrased if I had to own up to my uhu and eco posts.
>> No. 8060 Anonymous
13th February 2018
Tuesday 1:28 am
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And reading this back I'm embarrassed that I wrote such an antagonistic post when this thread has been mostly suppportive. Sorry chap.
>> No. 8061 Anonymous
13th February 2018
Tuesday 8:35 am
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Currently taking care of 3 people with ARBD at work, very similar to dementia, and it is somewhat of a wake up call. It's pretty shit lads.
>> No. 8062 Anonymous
13th February 2018
Tuesday 8:47 pm
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We've all done it.
>> No. 8063 Anonymous
14th February 2018
Wednesday 6:52 pm
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Never posted in this thread, never even looked at it, I just keep seeing Richard E Grant's grin popping up in star. What do you even do in here? 'Yeah I'm drunk tonight lads'. Is that it or is there more to it? Is it like a recovery support group?
>> No. 8064 Anonymous
14th February 2018
Wednesday 9:24 pm
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We've gone on holiday by mistake.
>> No. 8065 Anonymous
15th February 2018
Thursday 2:15 am
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All of the above.

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