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>> | No. 426868
426868
Fitter when she was fat edition. |
>> | No. 426869
426869
What's with the slag? |
>> | No. 426871
426871
Looks like Scarlett Moffatt after |
>> | No. 426880
426880
>>426868 |
>> | No. 426881
426881
I had a dream I wad a friendless NEET, with no motivation, a confused mind and no sense of purpose, and worst of all I can't wake up! LOL! |
>> | No. 426882
426882
>>426881 |
>> | No. 426883
426883
unnamed.jpg I had a dream that I was at Techmoan's house and helped him film one of his puppet segments for his youtube channel. |
>> | No. 426884
426884
>>426880 |
>> | No. 426885
426885
>>426882 |
>> | No. 426886
426886
>>426884 |
>> | No. 426887
426887
>>426885 |
>> | No. 426888
426888
I was watching this youtube video some young man with frizzy hair had made, it was a short creepy thing where he went down into some basement he shouldn't (looking for a valve to turn off something or other) and found a strange white-painted complex of tunnels and labs where there was one person (who looked like Juggarnaut made flesh, his shiny bald head domed down to his shoulders) doing all the roles of security, scientist and some exercises for some reason. He mainly just aggressively shouted at the youtuber to leave, which he tried but kept having these weird blackout flashes which would take him further into the complex. The strange man seemed to be playing all the roles at once so you'd see more than one of him at the same time in different positions like clones but still with the sense it was just the one person, hard to tell if there were two+ of him at once or the blackouts just made it seem that way. The video ended and the youtuber started explaining how he'd made it, given the actor directions and such but the blackouts kept happening and I was having hallucinations of the weird guy trying to come in through the window, sort of the way you do when you're half awake and having hypnogagic stuff happening in your real home. The video was called something to do with Everest, three-four words and one of them was Everest but I forget what. "The Steep Climb to Everest" maybe. |
>> | No. 426889
426889
I was walking back to my student flat, walked up the stairway and through the front door and there was some fat middle aged alco just lying half passed out on the floor inside. I tried to wake him and move him on and he shuffled slowly towards the door but I started to suspect there was more to this and accused him of trying to burgle us. |
>> | No. 426893
426893
All the talk about Scarlett Moffatt lately made me dream last night that I was sitting on her couch with her on the show Gogglebox and she was giving me a hand job under a blanket while we were watching TV and moaning about it. So I said, "are you sure your parents won't mind?", but then I looked and saw that there was nobody there besides the two of us. |
>> | No. 427133
427133
I was at work and a huge black man came in. One of my coworkers said "he's a big guy", then my manager and I said "for you" at the same time, then looked at each other and high fived for both knowing the epic Bane meme. |
>> | No. 427134
427134
>>427133 |
>> | No. 427664
427664
Using some sort of videogame interface for building roads and a petrol station in a small coastal village. Then there was a council meeting and someone complained that the roads were going right through some bird's nesting grounds. I stopped the construction works, we voted off the council the two blokes who were trying to defend them then wandered through the village until it got dark looking at ways we could make it more ecological and arguing the toss over how damaging the impact of doing so would be to the village economy but also how the people would be happier and healthier. |
>> | No. 427666
427666
I'm living in another country at the moment but still occasionally get "false awakening" type dreams where I'm still back home living in my parents. |
>> | No. 427668
427668
I keep having dreams again about arriving in Gran Canaria and driving my hire car from the airport to Playa del Inglés, like I always do when I am there. |
>> | No. 427674
427674
>>427134 "You can't barrage the saville" ... dunno what that even means but it sounds good |
>> | No. 427675
427675
lvfLJDsEwZB6yLKIk9Bdt_l35GlQubelFgA8OscGas8.jpg >>427674 |
>> | No. 427676
427676
>>427675 |
>> | No. 427677
427677
I swear to Christ if he mentions Gran Canaria again I'm going to sink the whole damned island. |
>> | No. 427680
427680
>>427677 |
>> | No. 427681
427681
>>427680 |
>> | No. 427684
427684
>>427681 |
>> | No. 427685
427685
>>427684 |
>> | No. 427686
427686
What's the red sauce like in Peckham? |
>> | No. 427758
427758
I had a dream that I was poring over some cost effectiveness numbers at work, and then suddenly my maths teacher from school appeared, looked at my calculations and said, "Wrong! That's all wrong! I know you had a scant grasp on maths in my class, but this is just embarrassing!" |
>> | No. 427759
427759
I had joined the US army for some reason (despite not being a seppo), as a Second Lieutenant. We were moving into base, but it turns out the base was basically a static caravan park. I moved into mine, which for some reason had two floors, and found loads of leftover booze. |
>> | No. 427760
427760
I dreamt I was eating KFC. I think it's because I've never eaten KFC in my life. |
>> | No. 427761
427761
>>427760 |
>> | No. 427764
427764
>>427760 |
>> | No. 427767
427767
>>427760 |
>> | No. 427769
427769
>>427767 |
>> | No. 427770
427770
>>427769 |
>> | No. 427771
427771
>>427769 |
>> | No. 427796
427796
If I'm having fast food then I'll usually go for Burger King as I haven't had anything else that tops their bacon double cheeseburger. |
>> | No. 427798
427798
>>427796 |
>> | No. 427811
427811
>>427769 |
>> | No. 427824
427824
I'm up on my high horse and I'm telling you to eat at local takeaways! |
>> | No. 427825
427825
>>427824 |
>> | No. 427830
427830
>>427824 |
>> | No. 427846
427846
Kebab vans/shops are where to get a nice burger. You can get cabbage on them. |
>> | No. 427847
427847
>>427824 |
>> | No. 427848
427848
>>427846 |
>> | No. 427852
427852
>>427825 |
>> | No. 427854
427854
>>427848 |
>> | No. 427859
427859
I was getting a haircut and sat down in the chair and then spotted an old issue of Time Magazine on the counter in front of me. The front page had a picture of Princess Diana on it, with the headline "Lady Diana - The smile that enchanted investors". |
>> | No. 427862
427862
>>427854 |
>> | No. 427863
427863
>>427862 |
>> | No. 427864
427864
>>427863 |
>> | No. 427865
427865
>>427864 |
>> | No. 427866
427866
I dream of work. Help me. |
>> | No. 427867
427867
>>427866 |
>> | No. 427868
427868
>>427866 |
>> | No. 427869
427869
>>427865 |
>> | No. 427874
427874
>>427869 |
>> | No. 427875
427875
I'm notifying HR about the direction this thread has taken. |
>> | No. 427914
427914
>>427875 |
>> | No. 427934
427934
MP5_Red_Dot_Sight_CoD4.png I was shooting people again. A Steyr with a weird red dot sight device that also provided magnification. |
>> | No. 427996
427996
I got called out. I fucked up (in real life), and haven't had the chance to apologise yet. All my dreams have been about it, but in one of them I did and then the guy just went "you don't get apologising, do you?" |
>> | No. 427997
427997
>>427996 |
>> | No. 427998
427998
>>427934 |
>> | No. 428001
428001
>>427997 |
>> | No. 428005
428005
Dreamlad is cancelled. |
>> | No. 428409
428409
I had a dream last night that I was finally standing up to a school bully who made a large part of my two or three last years of school a big nightmare. I was finally giving him all the smart comebacks without a hint of fear that I would never have been capable of back then. And then at the end, I threw him to the ground in some sort of surprise martial arts combat tactics move and said to him, "Now you listen to me, and listen good. You're done bullying me for all eternity, or I'll come and set your house on fire and fuck your sister from here to next Tuesday". |
>> | No. 428516
428516
Dreamed about buying plants. Was quite pleased to find a number of cheap succulents to keep around the house. |
>> | No. 428576
428576
>>428516 |
>> | No. 428647
428647
I dreamt about travelling up norf to watch a Crystal Palace vs Liverpool match. I ended up rubbing the Crystal Palace fans the wrong way and was inadvertently IRL trolling them, but I was well received by the Liverpool supporters. |
>> | No. 428650
428650
>>428647 |
>> | No. 428651
428651
>>428650 |
>> | No. 428662
428662
>>428651 |
>> | No. 428718
428718
SUBGUNS_ppd-40.jpg I was an extra in a film, I was playing a Polish POW in WW2, being held by the Germans in what was basically a big shallow ditch. The set was in the middle of the countryside. I was the only one there and the only German guard actor was just milling about. An Irish girl who wasn't in the film but was basically Saoirse Ronan kept coming over to talk to me. I've been in love with Ronan since she held a baby at the Turner Prize a few years ago. I mention that too often. |
>> | No. 428719
428719
>>428718 |
>> | No. 428720
428720
>>428718 |
>> | No. 428723
428723
>>428719 |
>> | No. 428725
428725
>>428720 |
>> | No. 428728
428728
>>428719 |
>> | No. 428729
428729
>>428728 |
>> | No. 428733
428733
>>428729 |
>> | No. 428845
428845
>>428733 |
>> | No. 428846
428846
>>428845 |
>> | No. 428852
428852
>>428846 |
>> | No. 429941
429941
Why do I keep having dreams about witnessing a plane crash? |
>> | No. 429942
429942
>>429941 |
>> | No. 429949
429949
>>429942 |
>> | No. 431763
431763
Dreamed I was out picking litter with my new folding litter picking stick but it was feeble and crap compared to my non-folding one. This may prove prophetic. |
>> | No. 431764
431764
>>429949 |
>> | No. 431765
431765
I woke up in the dream this seems to happen to me a lot, is that uncommon? this morning and I'd become the spitting image of Harry Maguire; full slab head. Like in The Metamorphosis and just like that book I don't know what happened next because I stopped dreaming/reading. |
>> | No. 431766
431766
>>431763 |
>> | No. 431770
431770
>>431766 |
>> | No. 431793
431793
ar0a2c0.jpg I had a dream that I spotted Boris Johnson on a bicycle here in Manchester. I then ran after him and managed to push him off his bicycle, and shouted at him, "Piss off back to London, you bike wanker!!" |
>> | No. 431840
431840
>>431770 |
>> | No. 431845
431845
>>431840 |
>> | No. 431846
431846
>>431845 |
>> | No. 431848
431848
>>431846 |
>> | No. 431856
431856
454-870-0-501-640.jpg >>431846 |
>> | No. 431979
431979
I had my first-ever dream about zombies last night. |
>> | No. 432270
432270
I had a dream last night that I had been arrested, and the officers were all pissing themselves laughing at whatever it is I had done, but I had no recollection whatsoever of the event itself. |
>> | No. 432275
432275
>>431979 |
>> | No. 432286
432286
>>432275 |
>> | No. 432386
432386
>>432286 |
>> | No. 432391
432391
In-the-Flesh-Series-2-c.jpg >>432275 |
>> | No. 432397
432397
>>432391 |
>> | No. 432402
432402
85617903.jpg >>432397 |
>> | No. 432675
432675
Had a dream last night that I was having a wank on my girlfriend's laptop, and then I suddenly heard her coming home, and was then frantically trying to find the browser's menu option that let you delete your browsing history. I somehow couldn't figure it out, and then when she came up the stairs and into the room, I woke up. |
>> | No. 432681
432681
>>432675 |
>> | No. 432683
432683
>>432681 |
>> | No. 432684
432684
>>432683 |
>> | No. 432685
432685
>>432684 |
>> | No. 432848
432848
Bit of a weird one last night. I was a contestant on I'm a Celeb, and the other contestants kept asking me why I was part of the show, and told me they had never heard of me. |
>> | No. 432860
432860
I dreamt that I was thinking of things to purchase with a gift card and then I went for a walk around Doncaster admiring all the Georgian architecture that I think my brain completely fabricated. |
>> | No. 433422
433422
I was standing at the sinks in a hotel, which were in a room adjacent to their public toilets. A man came in with his two sons and I told them to avoid the shit someone had left protruding upwards on the floor; the eldest son, in his late teens, almost stood in it. I then made small talk with them, something about getting the receptionist to bring a jug of drinking water. The man then started berating his kids for blowing a sales opportunity. It turned out he was a children's author and he had a number of his books strapped to his body underneath his jacket; they looked like very simplistic Biff, Chip & Kipper books but with a massive review on the front claiming the author was better than Roald Dahl. The text underneath was so small that I couldn't see who that quote was attributed to. Then I works up. |
>> | No. 433461
433461
Last night I had a dream that I was driving down a motorway and got to a city whose name I somehow couldn't make out on the signs, and then I was in the city centre, and it quite comically had a dual carriageway bridge running right across its town square where all the quaint little shops were. I told some of the locals that it looked peculiar, but they just said, "Oh, don't mind that, it's just what we're known for here". I then started wandering around the city, and then when I eventually wanted to get back to my car, I realised that I had no clue what the name of the street was where I had parked it, so I then kept asking people if they'd seen my car by any chance. |
>> | No. 433646
433646
Amablu-Wheel.jpg I was in some sort of shakespearian/dickensian village, watching the Cratchit familys joy at inheriting a whole load of money. |
>> | No. 433899
433899
I had a dream that people were experimenting with VR. Babies would be implanted with VR headsets from birth to see what would happen. Children had one-to-one schooling from a VR teacher; at playtime they were told that they'd go out and interact with other real children at the VR school but they were all actually simulations. Parents could choose 'character building' events to happen each term, such as being confronted by the school bully. |
>> | No. 433910
433910
The following is likely inspired by doing a 2000 word essay on reddit about Roadside Picnic and watching the No Russian mission video. |
>> | No. 433971
433971
I was on another flight to South Africa, where I actually spent two weeks in 2017, but suddenly the plane landed in Agadir, Morocco. So then I asked a flight attendant, "What are we doing in Agadir??", and he said, "The pilot just thought it would be a nice stop to get out and enjoy the scenery". And then I said "Oh you're having a fucking laugh", but sure enough, there were then coach buses parked alongside the plane, and we were told that we were going to go see the Atlas Mountains. I then somehow said to somebody, "This all looks like Ben Nevis!". After a hike up and down the side of a few mountains, I said to the others, "We have to get back, or we'll miss the plane!". Then I woke up. |
>> | No. 433979
433979
I think I just had a very .gs vision of the apocalypse, wherein my favourite mug had chunks missing and it was really windy outside. Woke up before I could check the state of the shed. |
>> | No. 434018
434018
I was at some huge indoor paintball tournament thing, but there were no teams organized, you just turned up and tried to find a team. |
>> | No. 434464
434464
Had a dream where I was snogging Sarah Millican, of all people, and then things sort of progressed from there, and she said, "You won't mind shagging a Geordie, will you?" |
>> | No. 434472
434472
>>434464 |
>> | No. 434473
434473
sarah-millican.jpg >>434472 |
>> | No. 434474
434474
>>434473 |
>> | No. 434475
434475
>>434474 |
>> | No. 434485
434485
>>434473 |
>> | No. 434489
434489
>>434485 |
>> | No. 434493
434493
>>434489 |
>> | No. 434494
434494
>>434493 |
>> | No. 434495
434495
>>434494 |
>> | No. 434498
434498
>>434494 |
>> | No. 434499
434499
>>434498 |
>> | No. 434500
434500
nintchdbpict000365717606.jpg >>434498 |
>> | No. 434531
434531
>>434494 |
>> | No. 434534
434534
>>434531 |
>> | No. 434538
434538
marc-almond-soft-cell-tainted-love-music-video.jpg >>434534 |
>> | No. 434539
434539
26079088_1.jpg >>434538 |
>> | No. 434544
434544
>>434538 |
>> | No. 434545
434545
>>434534>>434538 |
>> | No. 434547
434547
>>434545 |
>> | No. 434550
434550
I dreamed of an intense loving sexual encounter with my very own brother, then a less intense sexual encounter with someone representing my mother - she chastised me for touching her hairy leg from under a trouser leg. Thankfully both dreams were dry. The brother one was extremely intimate - i won't be forgetting that one for a while and in honesty i think i might treasure the memory. |
>> | No. 434552
434552
>>434550 |
>> | No. 434565
434565
>>434552 |
>> | No. 434571
434571
>>434565 |
>> | No. 434598
434598
My dream brain seems to be convinced I own a terraced house somewhere. I've been dreaming about it occasionally for a couple of years now. It's become a bit derelict as obviously I don't live there myself but last night someone was advising me to get a small farm grant (?) from the government that would come to about 40k and as long as I did some minimal lip service to qualify it as a "farm" I could spend the rest on doing it up. It's a slightly weird property but remarkably consistent from one dream to the next. |
>> | No. 434679
434679
I was being held prisoner by the North Korean government along with a few other westerners. For political purposes we were kept in relative comfort, only having to attend classes on Juche and perform strenuous agricultural work for nebulous socialist reasons. |
>> | No. 434680
434680
>>434679 |
>> | No. 434709
434709
>>434680 |
>> | No. 434981
434981
A manager from had gone to california for a wedding |
>> | No. 435123
435123
I dreamed that i woke up in the dark and felt the cool air on my back as i sat up. Stumbling to my feet and over to the wall, i felt the burn of light from beneath my eyelids as i hit the light switch. I Turned around, open my eyes and saw my bed laid open before me. Suddenly i found myself back in bed, waking up in a dark room. This process repeated 3 times, each thinking "i'm definitely awake now". |
>> | No. 435126
435126
>>435123 |
>> | No. 435199
435199
>>435123 |
>> | No. 435206
435206
>>435199 |
>> | No. 435245
435245
>>435199 |
>> | No. 435551
435551
When I was 14/15 there was a lass who fancied the pants off of me but I was rather oblivious to the whole thing. On reflection I'm not entirely sure how as, at one point, she decided we were girlfriend and boyfriend; I really was as thick as shit back then and missed so many chances with the opposite sex. I can't recall having a crush on her but she was exactly the type of girl I'd go for. |
>> | No. 435552
435552
>>435551 |
>> | No. 435553
435553
>>435551>>435552 |
>> | No. 435554
435554
>>435552 |
>> | No. 435555
435555
I had a dream that I was back in school and studying for my A levels, but I was doing them at the other school in my hometown, not my actual school that I went to. I kept telling people in my dream that it only made sense to go back to a different school, because I already knew what my old school was like, so where would the fun have been in that. |
>> | No. 435556
435556
>>435551 |
>> | No. 435557
435557
>>435556 |
>> | No. 435558
435558
>>435557 |
>> | No. 435559
435559
>>435558 |
>> | No. 435562
435562
>>435559 |
>> | No. 435564
435564
>>435559 |
>> | No. 435565
435565
>>435564 |
>> | No. 435566
435566
>>435565 |
>> | No. 435568
435568
>>435564 |
>> | No. 435569
435569
As a lifelong virginlad, it's hard to not get huffy at people like >>435564, but then I have to remind myself that I'm the pathetic freak and everyone's problems are at different levels. |
>> | No. 435570
435570
If I was on my deathbed and someone asked me what I most regretted about my shagging career I'd have to say it was being too conscientious. |
>> | No. 435571
435571
>>435569 |
>> | No. 435572
435572
>>435568 |
>> | No. 435573
435573
>>435572 |
>> | No. 435574
435574
>>435571 |
>> | No. 435575
435575
>>435568 |
>> | No. 435576
435576
>>435573 |
>> | No. 435577
435577
>>435576 |
>> | No. 435578
435578
>>435575 |
>> | No. 435579
435579
>>435577 |
>> | No. 435580
435580
>>435578 |
>> | No. 435581
435581
>>435577 |
>> | No. 435583
435583
>>435574 |
>> | No. 435584
435584
>>435581 |
>> | No. 435585
435585
>>435584 |
>> | No. 435586
435586
>>435585 |
>> | No. 435587
435587
I don't think the ones I had were crazy bones. They were monsters. Slimy snotty looking ones. Some of them had a bit where you heated it up with your finger and it told you their score or something like that. I remember one that was like an alien monster vacuum cleaner. |
>> | No. 435588
435588
>>435587 |
>> | No. 435594
435594
>>435568 |
>> | No. 435600
435600
>>435594 |
>> | No. 435602
435602
>>435594 |
>> | No. 435653
435653
One of you left a post that was also an envelope full of money for people to take as and when they needed it. I don't really need anything, but I liked the dream logic of being able to post a physical wad of cash onto the net, so I'm telling you all about it now. |
>> | No. 435688
435688
Mike Nolan.jpg >>435653 |
>> | No. 435703
435703
I've recently been having dreams where I've been living entirely alternate lives. |
>> | No. 435961
435961
unnamed.jpg There will be a new internal barrier system on the London Underground. When you try to change line to get on Crossrail people are filtered based on two entry points: |
>> | No. 435962
435962
Almost wet my dream thinking about my mother, again. Thankfully I managed to supressed it, though it felt fucking incredible riding that sensation. I haven't even been abstaining from wanking recently - i don't know what's going on. |
>> | No. 435979
435979
Somebody knocked on my door with a pen and clipboard and told me they were doing a survey on credit scores. At some point, I was then asked how I watch television, and how many hours a day. I told the lad that I've got Virgin broadband, and that it can be a good six hours a night at the moment, with not much else to do. I then asked, "What does that have to do with my credit score?", and he said, "It's simple. The more television you watch a day, the more it is assumed that you are unemployed, which then translates into points off your score". |
>> | No. 435980
435980
>>435961 |
>> | No. 435981
435981
I was helping my ex girlfriend and one of my mates who doesn't exist service their cars because all the garages are shut. There were some chavs who kept shouting at us because the lad who doesn't exist had secured his hub caps with cable ties. I told them to take no notice because they wouldn't come near us, but then they came over and started on us. I stood there and told the Head Chav he doesn't scare me, and there's nothing in the highway code about cable ties anyway. |
>> | No. 435983
435983
>>435981 |
>> | No. 436065
436065
I organised a protest against the construction across the road from me, and was marching along with people in tow behind me while shouting how they should go home as they were non-essential and it's 6am on a fucking bank holiday, and all the people behind me suddenly charged in and completely trashed the site. |
>> | No. 436098
436098
I was on a plane with my parents and sister going to America. Suddenly the plane started falling and people were freaking out etc but I was eerily calm. At the last second the pilot fixed it or whatever and people were cheering. Then I woke up in a cold sweat. |
>> | No. 436099
436099
From what I remember all of my clothes had been eaten by moths. Everything. This has been on my mind today as it represents quite a conundrum - I couldn't just tell someone that all my clothes were eaten by moths because, of course, nobody would believe me. |
>> | No. 436150
436150
I had a dream that I was hanging about with a few mates, although none of them resembled anybody that I know in real life, and one of them said, "How about we nick a 747 and fly to New York!". I was reluctant to get in on the plan and said that I had to be in Brussels in two days. For some reason. But then we were at an airport, and sure enough, there were a few Boeing 747s parked there. So I said, how exactly do you just nick a 747? You don't just smash in the window and hotwire the ignition. But the lad said, "Better. You just get on board and take off. They don't have an ignition". So we got on the plane and actually managed to take off and go to New York. I kept saying that it was a bad idea, because surely they would throw us in jail upon arriving in New York, and then I'd never get to be in Brussels in two days. |
>> | No. 436277
436277
I thought Stewart Lee had started getting into sim racing and had done a video with somone on YouTube about it, that someone already being a sim racer and all. However, I started watching the video and he was just face timing with Richard Herring and it had nothing to do with sim racing. |
>> | No. 436377
436377
For the first time in a long time, I had a wet dream. I'm 35, so it was a bit weird, since I haven't had it for over a decade or so. |
>> | No. 436381
436381
clown.png >>436377 |
>> | No. 436667
436667
EXT5vRTVcAcYVP1.jpg Fat Moffat > Thin Moffatt |
>> | No. 436668
436668
>>436667 |
>> | No. 436669
436669
>>436668 |
>> | No. 436670
436670
>>436669 |
>> | No. 436671
436671
rs_600x600-191025132128-600-2-adele-drakes-birthda.jpg >>436670 |
>> | No. 436675
436675
>>436667 |
>> | No. 436683
436683
cbb11_final_claire.jpg >>436671 |
>> | No. 436684
436684
>>436667>>436668>>436669>>436670>>436671>>436675>>436683 |
>> | No. 436685
436685
PAY-Scarlett-MAIN.jpg >>436684 |
>> | No. 436686
436686
Officer down_158c63_6335192.jpg >>436684 |
>> | No. 436687
436687
>>436685 |
>> | No. 436688
436688
>>436687 |
>> | No. 436690
436690
4A140BCF00000578-5515517-image-a-78_1521392024036.jpg >>436687 |
>> | No. 436691
436691
>>436688 |
>> | No. 436692
436692
7f3b41ee883fe5510fbcd7bb6a4bb7bc.jpg A lot of overweight women don't fill out nicely and they'll often end up with their belly splitting in two. Sometimes this occurs at the bottom of the ribs and sometimes this occurs at the belly button. On some occasions they end up with the 'triple rollover' whereby one roll covers from below the breasts to the bottom of the ribs, the second covers the bulk of the midriff and they have a lower roll, kind of like a pouch, which they tend to tuck into their knickers. If they're truly unfortunate the rolls start to divide vertically and starts to resemble an arse. |
>> | No. 436693
436693
Scarlett-Moffatt-713305.jpg We should also point out that Scarlett has achieved the holy grail whereby her breasts stick out further than her belly. This is the gold standard for the larger lady, but not many of them are able to achieve this feat. |
>> | No. 436694
436694
>>436692 |
>> | No. 436695
436695
>>436694 |
>> | No. 436696
436696
>>436695 |
>> | No. 436698
436698
>>436696 |
>> | No. 436703
436703
>>436696 |
>> | No. 436705
436705
>>436703 |
>> | No. 436706
436706
>>436696 |
>> | No. 436707
436707
>>436696 |
>> | No. 436709
436709
0ec0243243f7c61117391c9b513c0d4a.jpg >>436707 |
>> | No. 436710
436710
lizzo-performs-during-her-cuz-i-love-you-too-tour-.jpg I don't mind slightly plump, but I'm not sure about those bellies. |
>> | No. 436711
436711
>>436709 |
>> | No. 436712
436712
>>436710 |
>> | No. 436713
436713
715592_GettyImages_466649787_ff771c9add871f58421b5.jpg >>436710 |
>> | No. 436715
436715
>>436711 |
>> | No. 436717
436717
>>436715 |
>> | No. 436718
436718
>>436717 |
>> | No. 436719
436719
>>436717 |
>> | No. 436720
436720
>>436717 |
>> | No. 436721
436721
>>436718 |
>> | No. 436722
436722
>>436719 |
>> | No. 436723
436723
NINTCHDBPICT000578811014-e1587988782355.jpg This is thicc. Anything bigger than this is fat. I'm not sure being a gayer has anything to do with it. Would shag but certainly RUN RUN RUN afterward for fear of stabbing. |
>> | No. 436726
436726
>>436723 |
>> | No. 436727
436727
NINTCHDBPICT000547479385.jpg >>436723 |
>> | No. 436728
436728
>>436727 |
>> | No. 436729
436729
>>436719 |
>> | No. 436733
436733
article-2440241-187589C500000578-496_636x409.jpg >>436729 |
>> | No. 436734
436734
article-2440241-1874B15D00000578-906_636x408.jpg >>436733 |
>> | No. 436735
436735
>>436733>>436734 |
>> | No. 436739
436739
>>436723 |
>> | No. 436740
436740
>>436735 |
>> | No. 436741
436741
There's nothing like being under a 30 stone woman who's riding you while knocking all the air out of your lungs with her gut. Just heavenly. |
>> | No. 436742
436742
1326832.main_image.jpg You're playing silly buggers again. Saying Claire from Steps and Scarlett Moffatt look better with a bit of chub on them doesn't mean you want to fuck morbidly obese women. |
>> | No. 436743
436743
>>436742 |
>> | No. 436744
436744
>>436743 |
>> | No. 436746
436746
>>436743 |
>> | No. 436752
436752
>>436746 |
>> | No. 436755
436755
>>436744 |
>> | No. 436844
436844
Scarlett is okay, but the patrician choice of Gogglebox fanny are the sisters from Leeds or the lass from Blackpool with the skinny brother. Much more beautiful than are Scarlett. |
>> | No. 436845
436845
celebrity-gogglebox-rachel-riley-maths-question-wr.jpg >>436844 |
>> | No. 436846
436846
>>436845 |
>> | No. 436847
436847
>>436846 |
>> | No. 436848
436848
>>436846 |
>> | No. 436849
436849
>>436848 |
>> | No. 436850
436850
>>436849 |
>> | No. 436851
436851
>>436850 |
>> | No. 436854
436854
>>436848 |
>> | No. 436859
436859
Where do we stand on Jesy from Little Mix? |
>> | No. 436861
436861
>>436859 |
>> | No. 436865
436865
>>436854 |
>> | No. 436868
436868
>>436865 |
>> | No. 436870
436870
>>436868 |
>> | No. 436888
436888
I had a dream that I had a new girlfriend, and somehow at some point in my dream, we were visiting a few of my friends, and my ex was there with them. My ex and my current girlfriend were then standing next to each other chatting, and people started joking that they looked like twin sisters. And they did, to the point that even I couldn't tell them apart anymore. And my ex then grinned at me and said, "Looks like even if you couldn't have me anymore, you still wanted someone who looks like me". |
>> | No. 437477
437477
Ended up talking to my mate at length about the price of American hand-egg tickets and something called a "bare shop" that a cursory dream-Google made up yet more terms to describe. He died in a motorbike a few years ago and didn't have any interest in Yank sports. |
>> | No. 437478
437478
>>437477 |
>> | No. 437479
437479
>>437478 |
>> | No. 437783
437783
Another incestual dream about my mother - I was watching a video on a smartphone of her sucking someone off, so i put it to my crotch and pretended it was me while she watched from behind. After that we got a little flirty and touchy but didn't take it anywhere. Unlike most other times, i actually enjoyed this dream. |
>> | No. 437788
437788
I was at the theatre and was seated next to the racist one from the last Apprentice series. I told her I thought she was demonised unnecessarily and she was very appreciative. We then went clay pigeon shooting together. It was nice. |
>> | No. 437792
437792
I got to see my grandmother who has been gone for a couple years now. It was weirdly vivid, just hanging out in her flat, spending time together. I went to the kitchen for something and suddenly realised "Oh, you're dead" and somehow managed to hold on long enough to give her a big hug and tell her I loved her. Woke up in tears. This has happened twice before over the years with other family who have passed, I'm not sure if it means anything but I'm glad for it, it was sad, but a happy kind of sad. |
>> | No. 437810
437810
I dreamt I was Olivia Colman working as a police officer- possibly Hot Fuzz had drifted into my subconscious - and doing a desk job and getting everything hilariously wrong. |
>> | No. 437938
437938
Went outside to discover that my car had been clamped with ransomware - the clamp had a screen on it that was telling me to send bitcoin to a wallet "or else". My immediate thought in my dream was this was a great excuse to buy a new car, so I think I have to take that into consideration. I was planning to just defeat the clamp's mechanisms, but I woke up, and now I'm frustrated because it feels like they won. |
>> | No. 437944
437944
I had a dream that I was picking up a lass at a bar and she said she was in the mood for a threesome, and if I would mind coming to her place to meet her friend and then have that threesome. I said, yeah, that sounds like fun, so we went to her flat, and she said, "This is my friend!", and it was a male friend who was also her flatmate. So I said, oh wait, no no no, this is not what I agreed to, and she said, "Come on, it'll be fun!". But I just said to her "Next time, be a bit more clear on the details before you expect a guy to fuck you!", and then left. |
>> | No. 437980
437980
I was in a second-hand bookshop and I'd picked up a couple of books I wanted, Rotherweird and Circe (Madeline Miller) but I put them down to help someone and then I couldn't find them again. Then something really weird happened, to the point that when I woke up I thought I had to tell you lads about it, but now I've completely forgotten what that was. |
>> | No. 437981
437981
Sometimes my dreams are positively surrealist. |
>> | No. 437982
437982
>>437981 |
>> | No. 437983
437983
A lot of my dreams end with a dramatic event followed by a serene moment of clarity in which the main character tells me something very special and important, but the voice fades and i wake up before i can hear what it means. |
>> | No. 437985
437985
Most of my dreams involve a young East Asian woman with an 18" willy with a vulva where her urethra would be, but also willies where her nipples should be. And those even have their own balls. I actually documented how all this could possibly work with sober scientific terminology, including the depth of all such as coronal sulcii and where the baby would come out if you shagged her knob while wanking her tits off - before GOD destroyed my hard drive. How ruined am I for continuing to think about it subconsciously? I need to be correct for work for fuck's sake. |
>> | No. 438024
438024
I have absolutely no idea what happened in my dream last night but I know that the name 'Pichael' was uttered a lot, with an emphasis on the pie part of it. |
>> | No. 438028
438028
>>437985 |
>> | No. 438031
438031
1519863978152.jpg >>437985 |
>> | No. 438039
438039
>>438028 |
>> | No. 438040
438040
>>438039 |
>> | No. 438046
438046
>>438039 |
>> | No. 438049
438049
>>438040>>438046 |
>> | No. 438056
438056
>>438049 |
>> | No. 438057
438057
>>438056 |
>> | No. 438073
438073
kraftwerk_-_1974_autobahn.jpg >>438057 |
>> | No. 438074
438074
212962.jpg Female Hyenas have dicks, seems like the only way to achieve your dream would be to face your greatest fear. |
>> | No. 438148
438148
I had a dream last night that I had a new girlfriend who was a bit of a munter. Not unbearably ugly, but a bit too tall and heavy for probably most people's taste. We seemed to get on well, but I was embarrassed to introduce her to my friends, worried what they'd think of me. |
>> | No. 438150
438150
I had a work dream but my subconscious can't grasp remote working so I always speak to people I've never met off-screen in person. Not a revelatory thought, considering you don't dream you're watching television, but I find it interesting that my mind is unable to process my life. |
>> | No. 438154
438154
>>438150 |
>> | No. 438155
438155
>>438154 |
>> | No. 438158
438158
>>438155 |
>> | No. 438160
438160
0_PAY-MAIN-Lauren-Goodger-denies-bum-surgery.jpg >>436723>>436727 |
>> | No. 438161
438161
>>438160 |
>> | No. 438162
438162
sec_33806172-2758.jpg >>438161 |
>> | No. 438163
438163
>>438162 |
>> | No. 438165
438165
>>438160 |
>> | No. 438167
438167
unnamed.jpg >>438165 |
>> | No. 438168
438168
>>438167 |
>> | No. 438169
438169
This morning I was having a fantastic dream where I bumped into a lass I used to work with - a tall, busty, lithuanian salsa dancer. She was talking to me, flirting with me and pressing her tits into me as we talked. I woke up with a powerful erection and my heart rate must have been about 140. |
>> | No. 438170
438170
>>438160 |
>> | No. 438171
438171
>>438170 |
>> | No. 438172
438172
_111194971_gettyimages-1144107980.jpg >>438171 |
>> | No. 438175
438175
I'm never quite sure what to think when it comes to these women, I see their faces and assume that they are several decades older than they are in reality. I have to assume that they don't walk in and ask the surgeon to make them look like Cher, but someone's clearly fucking up somewhere. Are they victims? Do they not see it? |
>> | No. 438178
438178
>>438175 |
>> | No. 438179
438179
>>438172 |
>> | No. 438182
438182
>>438175 |
>> | No. 438184
438184
>>438182 |
>> | No. 438185
438185
>>438184 |
>> | No. 438186
438186
>>438185 |
>> | No. 438187
438187
None of the women I interact with on a regular basis do any of this shit. |
>> | No. 438188
438188
>>438186 |
>> | No. 438189
438189
>>438188 |
>> | No. 438190
438190
>>438189 |
>> | No. 438191
438191
>>438190 |
>> | No. 438192
438192
>>438190 |
>> | No. 438193
438193
>>438191 |
>> | No. 438194
438194
>>438191 |
>> | No. 438196
438196
>>438193 |
>> | No. 438197
438197
>>438196 |
>> | No. 438198
438198
>>438197 |
>> | No. 438199
438199
>>438198 |
>> | No. 438200
438200
I had a dream last night that I had no arms so I asked a female friend if she could lend me a hand to relieve my sexual frustrations. This progressed and before I knew it she was regularly pinning me down and forcing me to have sex with her bareback whilst talking about how I was going to impregnate her. |
>> | No. 438241
438241
EeW0bhdXoAIHBMT.jpg I'm telling you lads, Adele was better with a bit of meat on her. |
>> | No. 438242
438242
>>438241 |
>> | No. 438243
438243
>>438241 |
>> | No. 438245
438245
2_Adele-flaunts-weight-loss-on-holiday.jpg >>438241 |
>> | No. 438267
438267
>>438241 |
>> | No. 438273
438273
giphy-downsized.gif >>438245 |
>> | No. 438274
438274
>>438245 |
>> | No. 438275
438275
>>438274 |
>> | No. 438276
438276
>>438274 |
>> | No. 438277
438277
>>438276 |
>> | No. 438278
438278
>>438277 |
>> | No. 438279
438279
>>438275 |
>> | No. 438286
438286
>>438277 |
>> | No. 438287
438287
>>438286 |
>> | No. 438290
438290
>>438287 |
>> | No. 438291
438291
>>438290 |
>> | No. 438292
438292
>>438290 |
>> | No. 438293
438293
>>438287 |
>> | No. 438295
438295
>>438293 |
>> | No. 438310
438310
I had a dream that I was out picking mushrooms in a forest, like I really enjoy doing every autumn. There were oversize mushrooms everywhere, and I couldn't believe my luck. |
>> | No. 438312
438312
>>438295 |
>> | No. 438323
438323
>>438312 |
>> | No. 438332
438332
>>438323 |
>> | No. 438334
438334
>>438332 |
>> | No. 438335
438335
>>438332 |
>> | No. 438336
438336
>>438334 |
>> | No. 438337
438337
>>438332 |
>> | No. 438338
438338
>>438337 |
>> | No. 438339
438339
>>438332 |
>> | No. 438340
438340
>>438339 |
>> | No. 438349
438349
>>438339 |
>> | No. 438350
438350
>>438349 |
>> | No. 438356
438356
>>438349 |
>> | No. 438358
438358
>>438349 |
>> | No. 438359
438359
>>438356 |
>> | No. 438362
438362
>>438356 |
>> | No. 438363
438363
>>438356 |
>> | No. 438366
438366
>>438358 |
>> | No. 438391
438391
>>438362 |
>> | No. 438395
438395
206-5.jpg >>438391 |
>> | No. 438401
438401
>>438391 |
>> | No. 438405
438405
>>438401 |
>> | No. 438406
438406
>>438405 |
>> | No. 438409
438409
>>438405 |
>> | No. 438410
438410
So does this mean a vegan child would start puberty later than a normal child? |
>> | No. 438411
438411
>>438410 |
>> | No. 438412
438412
>>438411 |
>> | No. 438414
438414
I dreamt I'd mistakenly bought a keyboard online, then I started wondering about in the dark and after a short time a tiger, lion, camel and some really small animal which I forget all started following me. They got on but I went to a zoo because I was concerned they might start scrapping. |
>> | No. 438471
438471
1_PAY-EXCLUSIVE-Kelly-Osbourne-shops-at-American-G.jpg https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/kelly-osbourne-looks-transformed-first-22507313 |
>> | No. 438472
438472
>>438471 |
>> | No. 438473
438473
You're fucking wrong 'uns. |
>> | No. 438474
438474
I remember listening to Kelly Osbourne's Radio 1 show years ago as a kid, they had a write in about wanking and someone said they could go from start to finish in less than ten seconds. Much like Kelly at the time I thought "absolutely impossible, there's just no way". How wrong we were. |
>> | No. 438475
438475
tt.jpg >>438473 |
>> | No. 438479
438479
d173285005cb7dfed6ef7f53a903e748.jpg >>438473 |
>> | No. 438480
438480
>>438475 |
>> | No. 438482
438482
>>438473 |
>> | No. 438493
438493
>>438482 |
>> | No. 438495
438495
elisabeth-moss-in-bikini-on-vacation-in-capri_1.jpg >>438493 |
>> | No. 438496
438496
>>438482 |
>> | No. 438500
438500
>>438496 |
>> | No. 438501
438501
na_5b3c96f5dea2b.jpg See, this is how I think of Kelly Osbourne. |
>> | No. 438503
438503
>>438501 |
>> | No. 438505
438505
>>438474 |
>> | No. 438508
438508
501A615D00000578-0-image-m-37_1536803468196.jpg >>438503 |
>> | No. 438509
438509
>>438508 |
>> | No. 438510
438510
>>438503 |
>> | No. 438511
438511
>>438508 |
>> | No. 438512
438512
>>438511 |
>> | No. 438514
438514
MV5BN2IzMmM1ZmYtMDMxMC00ZTZiLWEwMTEtNDgwOWNkMWVlNT.jpg >>438512 |
>> | No. 438517
438517
abd049f3ffd0c8d20713a2c6e2d23f7f.jpg >>438514 |
>> | No. 438520
438520
>>438517 |
>> | No. 438523
438523
>>438514 |
>> | No. 438528
438528
>>438514 |
>> | No. 438530
438530
>>438523 |
>> | No. 438533
438533
>>438514 |
>> | No. 438534
438534
>>438533 |
>> | No. 438535
438535
>>438512 |
>> | No. 438536
438536
201411kylie-sweet.jpg >>438528 |
>> | No. 438537
438537
>>438535 |
>> | No. 438538
438538
ZZXBeog.png >>438537 |
>> | No. 438539
438539
>>438537 |
>> | No. 438542
438542
I like Belle Deplhine. Not in that way, but both her and Brittany Venti have managed to take advantage of certain types of men's shitty attitudes towards women. I'm not sure it'll do either of them much good psychologically, in the long run, but something about it is admirable. |
>> | No. 438543
438543
>>438537 |
>> | No. 438544
438544
>>438543 |
>> | No. 438547
438547
7e5ea375fdb977053855bf47661b66d9.jpg Today is |
>> | No. 438548
438548
>>438547 |
>> | No. 438549
438549
>>438547 |
>> | No. 438550
438550
>>438542 |
>> | No. 438552
438552
>>438550 |
>> | No. 438554
438554
3e8bf548d0a1ec51daded5281fe8229dc99b6c88r1-450-288.gif >>438549 |
>> | No. 438555
438555
>>438552 |
>> | No. 438561
438561
>>438555 |
>> | No. 438569
438569
>>438561 |
>> | No. 438571
438571
>>438569 |
>> | No. 438573
438573
>>438571 |
>> | No. 438578
438578
>>438573 |
>> | No. 438618
438618
Had a dream I was judging an all-female Overwatch cosplay competition in my mate's house. I've never played the thing so I obviously judge them on shapeliness of the contestants with a... hands-on approach. They're very receptive. |
>> | No. 438671
438671
I had a dream that I was at an Alice Cooper concert, and there were only about ten people in the audience in front of the stage. So I said to him, "Can you do Ballad of Dwight Fry for me? Cause that's always been one of my favourites!" He obliged and sang the song for us, and invited us to sing along. |
>> | No. 438672
438672
My mates had invited me over to their place, and we were meant to play some sort of pen and paper roleplaying campaign. It was based on Warhammer and we were just deciding to whether be a squad of Cadians or Catachans. We were bollock naked in the jacuzzi while having this discussion, incidentally. We didn't get far because my dad started shouting at me to come and clean the mess up in the spare bedroom. I really needed a piss, so I went and stood in the bathroom urgently pissing into the sink, for about ten minutes, before waking up in real life and realising I was bursting for a piss. |
>> | No. 438673
438673
>>438671 |
>> | No. 438674
438674
>>438672 |
>> | No. 438675
438675
>>438674 |
>> | No. 438705
438705
I just had a dream about Christmas gifts, and about my brother's new girlfriend getting me something, while I somehow forgot to buy a gift for her. |
>> | No. 438706
438706
>>438705 |
>> | No. 438707
438707
>>438706 |
>> | No. 438714
438714
>>438707 |
>> | No. 438717
438717
>>438714 |
>> | No. 438718
438718
>>438717 |
>> | No. 438719
438719
>>438717 |
>> | No. 438720
438720
>>438719 |
>> | No. 438723
438723
>>438720 |
>> | No. 438725
438725
Nothing specific, just waking up with a general feeling that everything was really, really nice on the other side and that that's not the case here. |
>> | No. 438852
438852
I've graduated, so to speak, from having dreams about being back at school to dreaming that all the people I went to school with have better jobs than I do. e.g. A job. |
>> | No. 438853
438853
I haven't had dreams, bad or good, about dead people for a while, so that's looking positive. |
>> | No. 438855
438855
>>426868 |
>> | No. 438856
438856
>>438855 |
>> | No. 438857
438857
>>438856 |
>> | No. 438858
438858
>>438857 |
>> | No. 438859
438859
>>438855 |
>> | No. 438860
438860
>>438859 |
>> | No. 438866
438866
I had a dream where I was pondering unusual combinations of ingredients for pie. The one combination I still remember was banana and Baileys pie. I then looked it up on the Internet today, and it looks like there actually are banana and Baileys pies. I'm really intrigued now, maybe I'll try to make one this weekend. |
>> | No. 438869
438869
I dreamt that Hulk Hogan had died. |
>> | No. 438872
438872
I was in America, and I stopped at a Dunkin' Donuts to get coffee. I queued up for a bit and when I got to the front I apologised and explained I had to verify the postal votes, which I was doing right there on the counter. She was very understanding and accommodating, and when she took my order I realised I'd forgotten to ask my girlfriend, who was waiting in the car, what she wanted. I phoned her, but she wasn't answering. |
>> | No. 438873
438873
>>438872 |
>> | No. 438874
438874
>>438869 |
>> | No. 438876
438876
I had a dream I found some top quality furry porn and I was really anticipating wanking to it. I can't remember what it was but I woke up with a big boner. I haven't looked at furry porn for years so it was a weird dream. |
>> | No. 438877
438877
>>438873 |
>> | No. 438878
438878
>>438877 |
>> | No. 439080
439080
I keep dreaming about my ex only its realistic so I'm just having disappointing sex and getting nagged. Last night I dropped a hot dinner plate involuntary and she let out an annoyed sigh with a "don't worry I'll clean up YOUR mess". |
>> | No. 439081
439081
>>439080 |
>> | No. 439082
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>>439080 |
>> | No. 439083
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>>439080 |
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>>439080 |
>> | No. 439085
439085
>>439081 |
>> | No. 439107
439107
>>439085 |
>> | No. 439252
439252
Samara Morgan.jpg I had a chinese takeaway the other night and dreamed of a woman living alone whilst struggling to manage a viciously mischievous imaginary friend. After a while the parallel between woman and friend became narrower and it turned out they were one and the same schizophrenic character - the reveal of which fact was an awful horror like vision of the woman watching her own face burn to a husk and drained of soul. |
>> | No. 439253
439253
>>439252 |
>> | No. 439255
439255
>>439253 |
>> | No. 439256
439256
I played Football Manager on Thursday night and now I've had two nights dreaming about it. I never knew managing Darlington could be so exciting. |
>> | No. 439262
439262
In my last dream, someone was trying to kill me by running me over with a regular sized car that was rigged up to be remote controlled. I imagine he was doing an evil laugh like any denizen of a hollowed-out volcano would. |
>> | No. 439266
439266
I was dreaming of eating an un-ripe banana and getting stomach ache because of it. I woke up with a stomach ache; I've not eaten a banana in weeks. |
>> | No. 439267
439267
I dreamed that I had a cock transplant in order to smuggle a Chinese dissident's cock to freedom. The PLA caught me and interrogated me, but I managed to persuade them that it was my own cock. |
>> | No. 439305
439305
I had an 'entropy dream' as my barely awake mind called it. Everyone (I suppose all sentient life) was panicking and trying to reshape themselves into more energy efficient forms because we were near the end of the heat death of the universe. It was a fools errand because doing so was creating new order thereby increasing entropy rendering such actions as self-defeating - everything was being lost including memories that were being reshaped leading to painful decisions. |
>> | No. 439307
439307
>>439305 |
>> | No. 439308
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>>439307 |
>> | No. 439309
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>>439305 |
>> | No. 439310
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>>439307 |
>> | No. 439311
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>>439310 |
>> | No. 439315
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>>439311 |
>> | No. 439342
439342
That Steve guy from Gamers Nexus was showing me the cash, as in physical note currency, loose, in a mossy, ramshackle, shack by a swamp. He dumped it out on a table and said "yeah, so this is what we raised", and it wasn't even that much, probably a few hundred quid. It was definitely pounds and I think was the old paper notes too, I suppose my subconscious is stuck in the past and I don't really blame it. |
>> | No. 439343
439343
I wrote and performed a rap song in a dream. I was quite aware it was a dream though, as I kept thinking the tune / lyrics were so good that I ought to wake up and remember it. It was quite bling and there were many dancers. |
>> | No. 439380
439380
>>439343 |
>> | No. 439385
439385
>>439380 |
>> | No. 439386
439386
>>439385 |
>> | No. 439387
439387
>>439386 |
>> | No. 439413
439413
Someone was trying to break into my shed so I was throwing plant pots out of the window at them. I ended up hitting him on the head with a paperweight, which killed him so I decided to hide that because I thought it would a bit too murderous in intent compared with a plant pot. I asked on here what to do when the rozzers came and you all told me to keep silent. Later on I was drunk and on my driveway when my neighbour's daughter walked past, who had morphed into Billie Eilish so she had gargantuan breasts. That's all I remember. |
>> | No. 439418
439418
>>439386 |
>> | No. 439455
439455
I was attending a job interview at some kind of art gallery or museum. The curator was keen to emphasise how prestigious the place was by introducing me to his wealthiest and most influential clients, including the surviving members of Pink Floyd, the cast of Monty Python, and BBC's Ground Force. We all got quite drunk at the on-site bar, and I made a fool of myself asking Charlie Dimmock if they really knew it was a Roman fort from one piece of pottery or if they were just making it up for the telly- I'd mistaken them for Channel 4's Time Team. |
>> | No. 439496
439496
Hercules_Seghers_-_Mountain_Valley_with_Fenced_Fie.jpg I was shagging my gf and something felt wrong so I pulled out and saw there was loads of black slime in the condom, when I took it off I realised my dick was falling apart, like, 'at the seams' I can only say. I tried to keep my cool and get on with things, and I remember next I was shaving and cut open a spot, which started bleeding, then bits of solid pus started coming out and more blood and pus, until eventually I could see the inside of my mouth through the wound. Needed to get that off my chest, didn't feel like telling anyone irl obviously. |
>> | No. 439497
439497
>>439496 |
>> | No. 439498
439498
>>439497 |
>> | No. 439499
439499
>>439498 |
>> | No. 439565
439565
I was walking home in the pitch darkness. No street lamps were working and I was carrying a rolled up carpet. There wasn't a body or anything in there, I was just very attached to this carpet, I suppose. Anyway, something started stalking me through the dark and I tried to run, but this massive carpet was too heavy and cumbersome so I started panicking and as I looked behind me to see what was there I woke up. I'm really not sure why it was so startling that my heart beat's only just settled down, I'm just more into carpets than I knew consciously. |
>> | No. 439568
439568
I went for a haircut. I was waiting over an hour and a half and they didn't know how to do a short back and sides. |
>> | No. 439571
439571
>>439568 |
>> | No. 439587
439587
There was a fly in my bedroom last night that kept pestering me from about dawn until I got up at around 9:30. Very persistent bugger that just kept flying around my head and hands and feet. I couldn't be arsed to get up and kill it, so I was drifting in an out of sleep. At some point, I then had a dream that I was talking to the fly which had suddenly grown in size to about that of a cat, and I said to it, "Mate, you have to stop doing that. It's not cool. I need a few more hours of sleep!" |
>> | No. 439782
439782
Not sure what's going on, but I've had two dreams in two days with Tony Soprano in them. |
>> | No. 439783
439783
At my old place of work I got someone I knew from university a job, partially because I got paid under the staff referral scheme, before I jumped ship two years later as I could sense the company was in trouble. She was made redundant two years after that when the shit hit the fan. |
>> | No. 439787
439787
I fell asleep at half 9 and dreamt I'd ordered a dildo off Amazon for my fleshlight. They'd cocked it up though and sent me another fleshlight so I was going to have to send it back and try to get a refund because I didn't actually want a dildo. I'm glad this was a dream because I couldn't be arsed with all that or having that show on my Amazon purchases. |
>> | No. 439793
439793
We'd all gone for a big work night out and one of the lads brought loads of Es. Everyone was having a great time getting pissed and dancing in a shit nightclub where all the lights were still on like it was just a little local pub, but we didn't mind because they kept playing 90s hits like the Prodigy and Chemical Brothers. |
>> | No. 439831
439831
_methode_sundaytimes_prod_web_bin_ebc1c37a-05d3-11.jpg >>439793 |
>> | No. 439879
439879
I went to give maroon a surprise visit at home for some reason but it turned out the address he'd given me was on a country road with no houses, just tents; basically a massive English Hooverville. Thousands of homeless people standing around aimlessly waiting. It was getting dark and someone tried to mug me so I left. |
>> | No. 440019
440019
I had a dream that I was to be on some group dynamics reality TV programme where they were going to put a few of us in a luxury hotel on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. |
>> | No. 440020
440020
>>439879 |
>> | No. 440022
440022
In my dream there was an alt rock song, "I'm gonna piss on me, I'm gonna piss on you, Gonna piss on me, then I'll piss on you." |
>> | No. 440023
440023
I tried napping for an hour. I dreamt I was at my local barbers waiting for a haircut. Some Chinese guy sat next to me, and at the door was my ex (seemed like they were together). I waved at her, and winked. She waved back and winked. Her new boyfriend must have gotten mad, because he took his mask off, ripped mine off, and open his mouth wide to breathe at me. |
>> | No. 440026
440026
>>440023 |
>> | No. 440027
440027
>>440022 |
>> | No. 440117
440117
I had a fairly intense sex dream about Naga Munchetty this morning, which isn't that strange because I do find her very attractive, but is odd because I really couldn't tell you the last time I saw even a moment of BBC Breakfast. So long in fact she could well be doing a completely different show now and I wouldn't know. |
>> | No. 440231
440231
I keep having dreams about Larry Bundy shagging Kim Justice. |
>> | No. 440232
440232
>>440231 |
>> | No. 440233
440233
>>440232 |
>> | No. 440294
440294
Last night I was a hatchet man in the roman empire during the first century, think captain Willard in Apocalypse now. I had the task of tracking down and putting down a Jewish uprising by decapitating the cult leader (the leader was jesus obviously). |
>> | No. 440295
440295
I was interviewing Donald Trump via Zoom for a job at my work. I also had Teams open so the rest of my department could sneakily watch it. He somehow found out and I got sacked. |
>> | No. 440303
440303
I had a dream that I somehow acquired a beaten up black Chevrolet C4 Corvette with a big V8 engine and was driving it around the streets of my neighbourhood with the top down, all the while thinking what a waste of money the car was, and not to mention the bad fuel economy I was getting from it. |
>> | No. 440304
440304
>>440232 |
>> | No. 440340
440340
I was in a shop to buy a few things, and then I suddenly saw my neighbour's credit card in my wallet, for some reason, so I paid the £35 or so with it. When I left the shop, I became worried that it would affect my own credit score if it came out that I was illegally using my neighbour's credit card unbeknownst to him, and so I was trying to figure out how to send him the money back via Paypal, maybe with a message that I was sorry I used his card. But I then realised that I had no idea what his Paypal handle was. |
>> | No. 440581
440581
LarryBundy.png >>440294 |
>> | No. 440583
440583
>>440581 |
>> | No. 440586
440586
>>440583 |
>> | No. 440587
440587
>>440586 |
>> | No. 440597
440597
>>440587 |
>> | No. 440599
440599
>>440581 |
>> | No. 440602
440602
neilham.jpg >>440599 |
>> | No. 440640
440640
>>440581 |
>> | No. 440804
440804
I had been having a drink with a lass I used to work with nearly 10 years ago and always pretty badly fancied. We were at her house and she ended up spooning with me on the sofa, letting me feel her up and all that. She turned to look at me and said "I could be your kitty..." and then my manager from my current job came in and spoiled the moment by offering us cocaine, which we never got to take because there was nothing glass in the house to snort it off. |
>> | No. 440805
440805
>>440804 |
>> | No. 441274
441274
I was trying to get a train from what looked like somewhere in Siberia, to Wuhan, but when I asked the conductor, who was Chinese himself, what documents I needed so as not to get nicked by the authorities once I got to my destination, he just made a crack about Donald Trump and wasn't very helpful at all. Not really the conductor's fault though as I should have been more prepared. |
>> | No. 441276
441276
I helped kidnap/rescue an old colonel from whatever he was doing at a circus, he was in a wheelchair and didn't seem bothered if we took him or not but everyone else was up in arms about it. There was a stall where they let you race donkeys who had their forelegs bound which meant they had to run standing up like people, everyone kept knocking them over and throwing things at them so when the stall closed I went through to the back, knocked the tent poles over as a distraction and beat the living shit out of the people running it. Then I had to run and hide as they were looking for the colonel's kidnappers. I got a very expensive face painting (it was incredible, a huge faceted-jewelled turquoise dragonfly) for a disguise but then the painter realised I was being looked for and got quite upset about being made an accomplice. There's a lot of other small details but I woke up while running through the tents. |
>> | No. 441317
441317
This isn't an actual dream as such, but they say eating cheese before bed will give you nightmares. Well, I had a shitload of brie before bed last night and I didn't have any nightmares, but I did keep waking up every hour or two with a raging stonk on. |
>> | No. 441343
441343
I had a dream that I ran into Tom Allen in the street, and I said to him, "Mate, what the fuck is wrong with your hair?". And he said to me, "Right. That's the No.1 thing I've been bullied for all my life. My hair." |
>> | No. 441345
441345
>>441343 |
>> | No. 441351
441351
>>441343 |
>> | No. 441354
441354
tumblr_p4o179qoQB1rj9gfno6_r1_500.gif >>441351 |
>> | No. 441355
441355
>>441345>>441343 |
>> | No. 441356
441356
>>441355 |
>> | No. 441357
441357
>>441356 |
>> | No. 441358
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>>441357 |
>> | No. 441359
441359
>>441356 |
>> | No. 441360
441360
>>441359 |
>> | No. 441361
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>>441360 |
>> | No. 441367
441367
>>441360 |
>> | No. 441368
441368
>>441361 |
>> | No. 441370
441370
>>441367 |
>> | No. 441371
441371
richardmess.jpg >>441370 |
>> | No. 441372
441372
>>441368 |
>> | No. 441374
441374
littlejohn.png >>441372 |
>> | No. 441376
441376
>>441374 |
>> | No. 441377
441377
>>441376 |
>> | No. 441378
441378
>>441377 |
>> | No. 441380
441380
>>441377 |
>> | No. 441381
441381
>>441378 |
>> | No. 441382
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>>441381 |
>> | No. 441383
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>>441381 |
>> | No. 441384
441384
>>441383 |
>> | No. 441386
441386
>>441381 |
>> | No. 441387
441387
>>441386 |
>> | No. 441388
441388
>>441387 |
>> | No. 441389
441389
>>441387 |
>> | No. 441390
441390
>>441388 |
>> | No. 441391
441391
>>441389 |
>> | No. 441392
441392
I don't really care of socialism runs out of money faster than capitalism does, if either of them gradually renders the planet uninhabitable then they can both fuck off. |
>> | No. 441393
441393
I had a very vivid dream that a friend I haven't talked to in a couple of years was dominating me, she was sitting on my face and I woke up with a pillow on my head. I also woke up to find out she'd messaged me out of the blue, which is a bit freaky but I assume my destiny. So if you don't hear from me again lads I'm living in a cage in her dungeon. |
>> | No. 441394
441394
>>441393 |
>> | No. 441397
441397
>>441391 |
>> | No. 441399
441399
>>441397 |
>> | No. 441401
441401
>>441399 |
>> | No. 441402
441402
>>441401 |
>> | No. 441411
441411
I trimmed my moustache in a way which made me look exactly like Saddam Hussein. |
>> | No. 441417
441417
>>441411 |
>> | No. 441421
441421
xin_07120330172763815828150.jpg >>441411 |
>> | No. 441423
441423
>>441402 |
>> | No. 441432
441432
>>441417 |
>> | No. 441472
441472
I had a dream that I was at a birthday party with loads of people, probably a hundred, and nobody was wearing a mask, and I thought, even if I don't get sick, they're going to trace me and tell me to go into quarantine. So I told people I was going home, and if anybody asked them, I was never there. |
>> | No. 441494
441494
>>441472 |
>> | No. 441674
441674
I can only remember fragments of it. We found an old post somewhere online from Charlie Brooker saying Krautchan is better than here. This place was bought out by Indians. You could get a mint and hazelnut flavour Bounty, which came in dark green packaging. |
>> | No. 441675
441675
Being driven down a rocky, bumpy path with lots of small jumps between two spatially-incompatible fields by a super cocky land rover driver, culminating in a massive jump off a dirt ramp. I was instantly teleported out of the land rover as it tilted in the air, landed on its roof, and presumably crushed the driver. I woke up before I could find out. |
>> | No. 441886
441886
I was attempting to create the longest slice of cucumber on record. There were certain rules but I can't remember most of them, apart from it had to go from top to bottom so you couldn't just do a long horizontal slice across the middle; a certain angle was required. |
>> | No. 441887
441887
record-cucumber-slice.png >>441886 |
>> | No. 441888
441888
Anyone else keep having dreams where you have built long lasting connections with people, shared life, then get ripped away from it all upon waking? How do I stop this? It's killing me. |
>> | No. 441889
441889
>>441887 |
>> | No. 441890
441890
>>441888 |
>> | No. 441891
441891
>>441888 |
>> | No. 441897
441897
>>441888 |
>> | No. 441898
441898
>>441888 |
>> | No. 441899
441899
>>441898 |
>> | No. 441907
441907
>>441891 |
>> | No. 441908
441908
>>441907 |
>> | No. 441911
441911
>>441908 |
>> | No. 441912
441912
>>441908 |
>> | No. 442174
442174
I'm in a happy relationship, about to get our first house, plans to have kids on the way next year etc. but this dream has me pure shook: |
>> | No. 442175
442175
>>442174 |
>> | No. 442176
442176
>>442174 |
>> | No. 442177
442177
I had a terrifying cosmic horror-themed dream last night. Looking out the window and seeing things inexplicably dripping from the sky onto the road, and then the stars rotate and the traditionally-depicted face of Jesus has been drawn in a nearby nebula by powerful aliens to mock us. |
>> | No. 442178
442178
>>442177 |
>> | No. 442183
442183
I dreamt I was driving in some town out in the sticks a bit (somewhere like Andover perhaps), and for some reason I parked my car at a petrol station at one of the pumps. I wondered off to drop some stuff off at a charity shop, but it was closed for lunch, and there was a massive queue of people waiting. So I gave up and walked back to my car. |
>> | No. 442186
442186
>>442175 |
>> | No. 442197
442197
>>442174 |
>> | No. 442199
442199
>>442197 |
>> | No. 442200
442200
s-l400.jpg >>442199 |
>> | No. 442201
442201
>>442200 |
>> | No. 442202
442202
'Getting ready' dreams have been more frequent for me lately. You know when you wake up but roll over and go back to sleep where in your dream you do get up and get ready like your mind is processing what you need to do (or your subconscious is tricking you). |
>> | No. 442203
442203
>>442201 |
>> | No. 442205
442205
>>442203 |
>> | No. 442206
442206
>>442205 |
>> | No. 442207
442207
>>442206 |
>> | No. 442267
442267
I just had a rapid onset nightmare I'd been a victim of a malicious Scanadictine poisoning. |
>> | No. 442277
442277
I dreamt my attic was soaked - due to damp, or a leak, the cause wasn't clear - and it was starting to heavily leak through the ceiling. |
>> | No. 442429
442429
Why do I keep dreaming about being back in school and being worried about not passing my A levels. Just last night, I had a dream where I suddenly realised I had been skipping history since the beginning of the school year, and that that somehow probably meant that I wouldn't be able to go to uni. |
>> | No. 442431
442431
>>442429 |
>> | No. 442434
442434
>>442431 |
>> | No. 442585
442585
I just had a dream that I was riding my bike down a hill here in the area and suddenly I triggered a speed camera. I said to myself, "Oh no, they got me", but then I thought, what am I worried about, my bicycle doesn't have a number plate, and I am wearing a covid mask. |
>> | No. 442586
442586
>>442429 |
>> | No. 442588
442588
It turned out that loads of people were androids and they all voted for each other so all the world leaders were androids. |
>> | No. 442589
442589
>>442586 |
>> | No. 442590
442590
>>442589 |
>> | No. 442591
442591
>>442586 |
>> | No. 442592
442592
>>442591 |
>> | No. 442832
442832
I had a pet duck but I couldn't find anywhere for it to swim because all of the ponds and bodies of water had large catfish that would try to eat it. |
>> | No. 442833
442833
I've been having recurring dreams about shagging a big fat Indian aunty with big nipples. Dunno what that means. |
>> | No. 442868
442868
I was aboard some sort of rescue helicopter in the Scottish Highlands, and the pilot told me their mission was to pick up covid-19 patients from remote farmsteads that were somehow dotted between the hills and had no roads going to them. The sign for the helicopter was apparently that a house where they had a covid patient had a red light bulb glowing on top of the chimney. I then commented that it was a lot to ask of people to climb up their chimney to install a red light bulb just to announce that they had a covid case. |
>> | No. 442869
442869
>>442868 |
>> | No. 442880
442880
>>442869 |
>> | No. 443035
443035
Has anybody had dreams about being in public and being called out for not wearing a mask? |
>> | No. 443036
443036
I had a dream this morning where I was very stressfully trying to explain to my father who Leonid Brezhnev was, despite not really knowing anything about the man myself. Very, very odd. |
>> | No. 443351
443351
game_gear.jpg I dreamt that I was playing my old Game Gear all night. |
>> | No. 443352
443352
>>443351 |
>> | No. 443353
443353
>>443351 |
>> | No. 443354
443354
w5vj9je1daj41.jpg >>443352 |
>> | No. 443359
443359
>>443353 |
>> | No. 443370
443370
>>443351 |
>> | No. 443374
443374
Master System is a weird one when you think about it. It was basically the Sega equivalent of the NES, only it had miles better graphics, but it seems to be almost entirely forgotten about. Nobody talks about Master System games. I'm a bit too young to remember their heyday but I knew a couple of kids who had Master Systems (leftover from an older sibling or whatever), whereas I can't think of anyone who had an NES. They can't have done very well here but the internet, if you look into retro gaming circles, is obsessed with it. |
>> | No. 443375
443375
>>443374 |
>> | No. 443376
443376
>>443370 |
>> | No. 443382
443382
Fond memories of Bonanza Bros. on my Master System. |
>> | No. 443844
443844
I have a rather shameful dream to recount: I moved out of London and started working in an office in a small town/village. It must've been a relocation because one of my current senior staff was there as the boss. |
>> | No. 443845
443845
>>443844 |
>> | No. 443847
443847
>>443845 |
>> | No. 443848
443848
>>443847 |
>> | No. 443850
443850
>>443848 |
>> | No. 443855
443855
>which is where the career opportunities, nicer offices and being around ambitious people make a difference. |
>> | No. 443861
443861
>>443855 |
>> | No. 443867
443867
>>443861 |
>> | No. 443951
443951
I was a middle aged father and I had roped my family into some sort of wahabist-communist extremism, but I was apparently just using it as a ruse to make them do all the housework in the name of the revolution. I had my wife and daughters doing everything for me while I sat about doing nothing and building historical miniature tanks. I woke up just as I was shouting at them for interrupting my efforts to glue the treads on a Tiger-II, shouting "Do you mean to tell me there is no work to be done in this house?! Above all else a socialist values work!" |
>> | No. 443952
443952
>>443951 |
>> | No. 443956
443956
>>443952 |
>> | No. 443957
443957
>>443956 |
>> | No. 443958
443958
>>443956 |
>> | No. 443959
443959
>>443958 |
>> | No. 443961
443961
>>443952 |
>> | No. 443962
443962
>>443961 |
>> | No. 443963
443963
>>443961 |
>> | No. 443964
443964
>>443959 |
>> | No. 443965
443965
>>443964 |
>> | No. 443966
443966
>>443964 |
>> | No. 443978
443978
I had a dream the other night in which I was at some point somehow having a wank. Nothing too weird really, but then when I woke up in the morning and went to have a wee, my foreskin looked chafed and irritated on one side, and really kind of hurt when I pulled it back. |
>> | No. 443979
443979
A girl I knew years back asked me if I would give a career talk for her little brother next week - I agreed initially but then realised I'd be much too busy and had to unfortunately decline. Shamelessly she bitched about it on a blog which everyone read, this meant the people I work with thought I was moonlighting speeches because she stretched the truth on what I had been asked - and how I'd really declined because I wanted money. |
>> | No. 443980
443980
>>443978 Uh huh. See >>379478 |
>> | No. 443986
443986
I had a strange dream that opened with two musicians with massive chins making fun of a figure we cannot see. They then started to get uneasy, saying something like "Oh hell, he's here". The moon, which was revealed to have two faces (also with very prominent chins, and with expressions that seemed to mock theatre masks) then turned from light side to dark side. We then jump to a figure off screen. He had quite an arrogant voice and was discussing his plans. Someone had requested a Nintendo "strip" (which I knew to be a type of game storage medium) as their price for going along with those plans and he was incensed because the whole point of his plan was that only he would have that strip. Despite being unseen, I got the sense that they were the moon from earlier, or were very closely linked to them. |
>> | No. 444012
444012
Pretty much all of my dreams take place at underground train stations. |
>> | No. 444018
444018
I've now had two dreams about shagging the woman who lives next door. The fact that me and my partner actually know her and speak to her makes it a bit weirder. |
>> | No. 444022
444022
.gif It was part of my live action roleplay quest to enter [/i]The Zone before reuniting with a terrified Love. I bid her farewell, knowing neither of us would ever be the same, then climbed an iron fence to begin the journey. It was not long - [i]not long at all - before things went to shit. |
>> | No. 444024
444024
>>444022 |
>> | No. 444131
444131
I keep having dreams occasionally about still being a smoker. I quit many years ago, haven't touched a single fag for the best part of a decade, but now and then I'm in a dream where I have relapsed and where I'm happily back in my old chain smoking habit. |
>> | No. 444133
444133
>>444131 |
>> | No. 444134
444134
lp.jpg >>444133 |
>> | No. 444204
444204
There was a new show on the Las Vegas strip where the audience watched a person be tortured and killed, which I attended and had mixed feelings about, but the majority of the world seemed generally okay with the show existing. The production company that ran the show was owned by Donald Trump, who was lauded as a genius for its inception. |
>> | No. 444205
444205
long live the new flesh.jpg >>444204 |
>> | No. 444364
444364
Irl, I woke up at half 4 for some reason, and couldn't get back to sleep so put some episodes of The Thick of It on as I often do in these sort of situations. Then later fell asleep with my headphones on. |
>> | No. 444581
444581
I dreamt that I was a footballer who had to retire due to chronic back problems. Then I woke up and my back was really aching. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks. |
>> | No. 444582
444582
>>444581 |
>> | No. 444583
444583
>>444581 |
>> | No. 444602
444602
I was in my old student house, but it wasn't a perfect version of it, sort of a remixed version. One of my housemates, an effete 5'4 twink of a man, had transitioned into a woman. I began dating him, and had sex but not in his bum but in his belly button. Then I realised I wasn't attracted to him, but couldn't break it to him that I didn't want to be with him. So I went to church and got a blessing from the priest that I could end the relationship. The transwoman was really mad and smashed the house up. I spoke to my housemates (in the dream some were my actual housemates, some weren't) and said we have a week to clean the shithole up or we'll lose our deposits. I was the only one who cared. When I left the house I saw the transwoman had trashed our porch (which we didn't have IRL), which prompted the police to inform our landlord (a Tony Soprano lookalike sleazy Italian) that we needed to be evicted. Then an old housemate came by and was complaining about his needy trans girlfriend. Turns out he was also dating the transwoman I was trying to dump. What a coincidence! Then my alarm went off and I woke up. |
>> | No. 444786
444786
I was having a sick dream last night actually. |
>> | No. 444794
444794
I dreamt I bought a helicopter. I spent a few hours flying it, and then it had to be returned to be fixed. When I went to pick up the helicopter, they wanted twenty-seven thousand pounds, which I was very upset about as I don't have the money. |
>> | No. 444808
444808
>>444794 |
>> | No. 444809
444809
EC-135_-_RIAT_2011.jpg >>444808 |
>> | No. 444811
444811
>>444809 |
>> | No. 444813
444813
76.jpg >>444811 |
>> | No. 444814
444814
>>444813 |
>> | No. 444815
444815
I had a dream that someone from here entered the rally at Sunderland. This led to a massive cunt off over whether there actually was a rally in Sunderland and whether it was responsible for someone who had never driven a rally car before to enter the race. There was then a lengthy discussion on rally car maintenance. |
>> | No. 444819
444819
>>444815 |
>> | No. 444821
444821
>>444819 |
>> | No. 444822
444822
>>444821 |
>> | No. 444823
444823
>>444822 |
>> | No. 444826
444826
>>444823 |
>> | No. 444828
444828
>>444823 |
>> | No. 444829
444829
>>444823 |
>> | No. 444830
444830
>>444828 |
>> | No. 444831
444831
>>444821>>444822 |
>> | No. 444832
444832
>>444831 |
>> | No. 444834
444834
>>444832 |
>> | No. 444835
444835
>>444829 |
>> | No. 444836
444836
>>444835 |
>> | No. 444837
444837
2018-tour-de-france-stage-12-25.jpg >>444835 |
>> | No. 444838
444838
>>444836 |
>> | No. 444839
444839
>>444838 |
>> | No. 444840
444840
>>444839 |
>> | No. 444841
444841
>>444840 |
>> | No. 444843
444843
>>444839 |
>> | No. 444845
444845
>>444841 |
>> | No. 444846
444846
F1.jpg >>444845 |
>> | No. 444850
444850
>>444845 |
>> | No. 444851
444851
>>444850 |
>> | No. 444852
444852
>>444851 |
>> | No. 444853
444853
>>444851 |
>> | No. 444854
444854
>>444851 |
>> | No. 445069
445069
I had a dream that I was in prison. It was for insulting somebody on the Internet or something. |
>> | No. 445070
445070
I was at a cash machine and it kept spitting loads of money out. I took it home for safe keeping, because I was going to return the money and didn't trust anyone else in that position to but CCTV images of me at the cash machine made the news before I had the chance to do anything, so I was the subject of a witch hunt. |
>> | No. 445261
445261
A woman in an office I used to work in visited me while I was in bed. I quickly got my work laptop out and went straight to business to cover the fact that I had just woken up. After a while she awkwardly left and another woman I used to work with came in. "Oh for fucks sake, can't I get some peace!" I thought to myself. |
>> | No. 445457
445457
NINTCHDBPICT000670656486.jpg Scarlett Moffatt cries as she posts first bikini picture in five years |
>> | No. 445458
445458
>>445457 |
>> | No. 445459
445459
>>445457 |
>> | No. 445463
445463
>>445459 |
>> | No. 445464
445464
Sarah Millican_jpg_gallery.jpg >>445463 |
>> | No. 445465
445465
>>445464 |
>> | No. 445466
445466
557003011_0_640x640.jpg >>445465 |
>> | No. 445472
445472
>>445466 |
>> | No. 445492
445492
>>445472 |
>> | No. 445493
445493
>>445492 |
>> | No. 445500
445500
TELEMMGLPICT000234802104_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqFv10vjO.jpg I got up late today because I needed to finish eating my slice of Black Forest gateau. I don't think I've seen any for about 20 years but I'll be on the lookout now. |
>> | No. 445501
445501
>>445500 |
>> | No. 445750
445750
I was having a lovely and innocent time with a woman, as we discussed how intelligent her young dog was, when my brain decided it was all too relaxing and we ought to have three grotesque and humungous spiders start crawling over the walls. They were so vivid it's taken my heart the best part of an hour to settle down. I even tried to look the big man to the dream girl by offering to collect and dispose of the first, who had a leg span almost as large as a CD and a perfectly spherical abdomen, until it was persued by the second which had legs over a foot and looked like a massive, chitinous, giant house spider and with that we decided to leave the room. The third showed up just as I was waking and it looked like a dark brown orb web. |
>> | No. 445751
445751
>>445750 |
>> | No. 445781
445781
I was selling some retro games to CEX, and the girl who served me was the typical mosher/goth/emo type, dyed purple hair, pale and spotty, heavy eyeliner. Anyway, I got £83 for my games which was alright, and then she asked if I was free in the evening. I met up with her after she finished work, and she said "you're either gonna cum up my arse, or I'll cum up yours", and I cheated on my gf with her. |
>> | No. 446057
446057
I was at my dentist's to have one or two cavities taken care of. He then suddenly handed me a written estimate that said it would cost over £10,000 which I had to pay myself. I said, "Oh you're having a fucking laugh!" and left. |
>> | No. 446237
446237
Last night I had my first experience with sleep paralysis. |
>> | No. 446242
446242
I keep having a dream that my girlfriend and I break up, she sleeps with someone else and then we get back together. It's happened so often I'm finding it hard to know for certain that this didn't happen, but I can't plausibly think when this would have happened. |
>> | No. 446653
446653
actor-jessie-ennis-142520_large.jpg Ever since I started watching Mythic Quest I've been having regular sexual dreams about Jessie Ennis. |
>> | No. 446654
446654
I fell asleep on a train from London to Edinburgh. When I awoke the train had looped back and had now stopped in some shithole market town at night. I got off to see if I could go the opposite way or ride to a rail hub but there was nothing going on and only a corner shop open for food. It was in the North East but felt like the midlands, that's how bad this town was. |
>> | No. 446655
446655
>>446653 |
>> | No. 446656
446656
>>446654 |
>> | No. 446657
446657
>>446656 |
>> | No. 446659
446659
>>446655 |
>> | No. 446925
446925
I was at the petrol station and the man in front of me in the queue started trying to kill everyone. He didn't have any weapons but he could only be temporarily subdued, we smashed him over the head with a fire extinguisher, and he still got up ten seconds later. |
>> | No. 447342
447342
I was back in secondary school, and got sent to the head teacher's office for punishment for some sort of misdemeanour, but he wasn't there, only his secretary who looked like my old therapist (cross between Dawn French and Liza Tarbuck), who got naked and sat on my face. The head teacher came back and it was Seymour Skinner. Then I woke up with a jolt which woke my partner up. |
>> | No. 447343
447343
>>447342 |
>> | No. 447346
447346
>>447342 |
>> | No. 447349
447349
I was in a cheap hotel in Clacton-on-Sea. They didn't even have fish and chips at their restaurant, so I started wandering the streets desperately looking for a chip shop, complaining to passers-by that there were absurdly no fucking chip shops in the whole of Clacton. |
>> | No. 447374
447374
I was trying to make steak tartare, I did so by frying beef mince with onions, using my hand as a spatula. Then I played the first Assassin's Creed and it held up really well. |
>> | No. 447375
447375
>>447374 |
>> | No. 447377
447377
>>447375 |
>> | No. 447419
447419
>>447377 |
>> | No. 447420
447420
>>447419 |
>> | No. 447431
447431
I can't remember any specifics about the dream other than at one point I was rating bumholes. |
>> | No. 447464
447464
SFA3_Rolento[1].gif This is a very uninteresting game, but I dreamt that Rolento was in Street Fighter V and was the best and most fun character to play as. He didn't look like Rolento in my dream, but I still identified him as Rolento. My partner said I kept clicking my fingers and talking in my sleep, maybe this is related. |
>> | No. 447465
447465
I've had two dreams now where I'm shagging my ex, and both times it turned out we were being watched. |
>> | No. 447466
447466
>>447465 |
>> | No. 447476
447476
I dreamt I was in some kind of school/workplace hybrid, doing work in a large open plan cafeteria-like hall. Mark Hamill was the teacher/boss. |
>> | No. 448018
448018
I just had a dream that my bank called me and questioned the legality of certain money transfers I had made into my ISA. I told them that I earned it by making profitable stock investments that I had just sold off, but the guy said, "Be that as it may, I feel we have to report you to HMRC". |
>> | No. 448027
448027
For some reason I was slicing up the palm of my hand with a tomato knife. When I woke up my hand was painful all on its own. I couldn't stop looking at it. |
>> | No. 448045
448045
I had a dream that I was suffering from schizophrenia, and that I was hearing voices in my head that were telling me to do all kinds of bad things. |
>> | No. 448046
448046
Dreamt that my grandma had passed away in her sleep, and I found her in her bed in the morning. The bulk of the dream was me trying to decide whether you're supposed to call 999, 101, or just find the local police station number, or if indeed there was a special "my grandma has died in an entirely expected fashion" sort of number. |
>> | No. 448051
448051
I was going to a meetup event at a bar somewhere up the northern line from Waterloo - let's say Leicester Square. We got to this bar and for some reason I was obsessed in calculating 77% of the distance between Waterloo and this bar. Just ignoring people trying to chat to me so I can scrawl out some calculations on a piece of paper. |
>> | No. 448073
448073
I was driving through town in the dark when there were suddenly a few members of the local public drinking community blocking the road, all of whom were wearing bright yellow high visibility vests. So I rolled down the window and said to them, "You are a right lot... can't be arsed to get a job, but you care that you don't get run over!". |
>> | No. 448178
448178
The cast of Always Sunny were planning a comedy show called The Mandarin based on The Mandalorian. But then somehow it changed to be the cast of the Mighty Boosh, except for Julian Barrat, so he was going to be replaced by Jose Mourinho. |
>> | No. 448179
448179
>>448178 |
>> | No. 448296
448296
exit.jpg My family and I were lost in a futuristic Japanese seaport, having accidentally found "Miranila's Miraculous Wonderland of Water" instead of the exit. After consultation with a tesseractian map it was discovered we had to track back 2 rooms, slip up a plane then continue into another room before we could find the exit. Along the way we met a young Jim Carrey who was employed in harassing travellers. With love I hugged him and advised to be very wary of anyone offering help during his 50th year. |
>> | No. 448501
448501
I was on a road trip with my girlfriend and for some reason I was on her phone. There was a deleted WhatsApp conversation with a middle-aged scouser called Graeme that she was going to meet up with until she got cold feet because she'd realised she didn't want to risk our relationship. Not sure what to make of this one. |
>> | No. 448642
448642
I had a dream that I had an altercation with my neighbour, who was suddenly opening his front door dressed in drag, with his hair long and dyed black and with loads of makeup and eyeliner on his face. He looked a bit like a cross between Tim Curry in the Rocky Horror Picture Show and Robert Smith from The Cure. I said something that I had no idea that he was into that kind of stuff, and he just said, "Don't mind that, it's just a weekend thing". |
>> | No. 448643
448643
The toes of my socks completely went so they were more like tubes. I think the ends of my feet were sticking out from under the covers. |
>> | No. 448644
448644
I had a dream I had bought a load of weed on behalf of some people. And then somehow was just serving it up to them from a big gym bag in a car park or somewhere. And then the police came. And I had that Oh shit I've fucked up feeling, and woke up. |
>> | No. 448645
448645
>>448644 |
>> | No. 448752
448752
I was at a school reunion, where Jacob Rees Mogg was an honoured guest. I was talking to an old flame about what my old peers were up to now, and about one of them I said "who'd marry that fucking mong?". I said it loud, just as the general noise level lulled, and everyone was staring at me in in disgust, and Mogg was shaking his head. I then said "it's fine I'm mentally disabled, I'm reclaiming it" and everyone cheered and Mogg clapped. Then as everyone was leaving they were praising me and apologising for bullying me at school. |
>> | No. 448755
448755
I had a terrible night of only light sleep, but distinctly two dreams with the common theme if me being an absolute bellend in company. The first, I was confidently underperforming at work with my colleagues quite blatantly disappointed. The second, I was reeling off unfunny quips at a house party with all my friends clearly fed up, but I was unable to stop myself. |
>> | No. 448771
448771
>>448752 |
>> | No. 448791
448791
My hair was like a badly stuck on toupee which I could lift up at the front and back to reveal two massive heart-shaped bald spots. There was also someone parked over my driveway so I couldn't pull in. |
>> | No. 448794
448794
>>448755 |
>> | No. 448796
448796
>>448794 53 seconds extra daylight per day |
>> | No. 448798
448798
>>448794 |
>> | No. 448799
448799
>>448798 |
>> | No. 448927
448927
I went to a Kunt gig, but he was only playing new songs and they were all shit. I hung out with him afterwards and he had a couple of strippers in his entourage. Well, one of them was naked I've no idea about the other one. |
>> | No. 448949
448949
Dennis Waterman had died. I was walking down the rainy high street, and everyone was gathered around a display TV in an electronics shop window, women crying, as the BBC News reported on the death of Dennis Waterman. Had to check he was still alive when I woke up, the dream was that visceral. |
>> | No. 448950
448950
gavarnie.jpg I bought a large vineyard stretching multiple acres across the Franco-Spanish border at the Pyrenees. Upon reading up on the history of the place I learnt that it took many years and millions of euros of public money for France and Spain to finally have a ruling on precisely where the border sits for my vineyard which is odd as the region is more or less a settled matter between the two. |
>> | No. 448951
448951
>>448950 |
>> | No. 448953
448953
>>448951 |
>> | No. 449658
449658
I shot Hermann Goring four times with a revolver and ran off into the night this morning. I don't recall ever having a dream that violent and dramatic before. Hope I got the fat bastard regardless. |
>> | No. 449662
449662
I don't believe any of you actually read other peoples posts ITT. |
>> | No. 449663
449663
>>449662 |
>> | No. 449666
449666
>>449662 |
>> | No. 449668
449668
I got into an argument with the manager of a Burger King restaurant over the fact that they told me that they were able to track me and knew that I was coming to them because I had installed their app. Sure enough, he showed me a map on his iPad and it showed my every move that day. I then said, "You have no fucking right to do that. Turn it off!". The manager then said to me, "Maybe it's best for you to leave now and not come back", and had one of his employees walk me to the door. |
>> | No. 450636
450636
I had a dream I was on a small party on a boat of some sort. I was sitting talking to a Sophie Raworth from the telly. She was telling me something about it hard to meet men because she's famous or something, but is a member of a good private instagram group where she can hookup with people. Then I was interrupted my some slighty subnormal lad telling me about how good the craft ale he was drinking was. |
>> | No. 450637
450637
>>450636 |
>> | No. 450638
450638
Weird one last night. |
>> | No. 450639
450639
>>450637 |
>> | No. 450685
450685
I started speaking with an Irish accent, and nobody noticed. |
>> | No. 450714
450714
I went shopping with my parents, a girl I went to school with and some other girl I can't remember. The girl was in the other half of school and she's very quiet so I don't think I interacted with her much in school other than having mutual friends, but we kept holding hands in the dream. I'd gone ahead with the girls and I saw a charity shop, it's a fictional charity shop that doesn't exist in real life I have visited many times in my dreams, but they didn't want to go in. I saw a shelf of Tony's Chocolonely make your own Easter cards, which was pretty much 20 perforated cards, envelopes and a 100g bar of chocolate, that was priced at up to £74.99; I tried getting a picture for this place without my parents seeing, as they'd caught up to me at this point. |
>> | No. 450733
450733
I was hanging around with what we would've both called a secondary mate I knew from school, we hung out as backup friends for a number of years whenever our main group wasn't about but he was always too much of a cock to actually be a proper mate. I've not seen him for maybe 10 years because as you can guess he's tapped and honestly quite irritating. |
>> | No. 450830
450830
I keep having a recurring dream about falling deeply in love with Rosie Jones. It's quite banal, we just go to the garden centre or watch telly and eat crisps or do her PIP assessment. My subconscious clearly doesn't know what a lesbian is. |
>> | No. 450925
450925
I had a dream that I sold my car, but then suddenly regretted it and went to the guy who bought it from me. He said he bought it off me fair and square and wasn't considering returning it, so I said, look mate, we're inside a dream here, so any contract we made is invalid anyway in the real world". So he said, "Yeah, well, how long have you been asleep for? I bought your car last week!". So I actually said to myself, damn it, I need to wake up to sort this. And then I actually did. |
>> | No. 450927
450927
>>450925 |
>> | No. 450934
450934
>>450925 |
>> | No. 450936
450936
>>450830 |
>> | No. 450938
450938
>>450936 |
>> | No. 450939
450939
>>450927 |
>> | No. 450941
450941
>>450939 |
>> | No. 450944
450944
>>450941 |
>> | No. 450945
450945
>>450938 |
>> | No. 450958
450958
>>450944 |
>> | No. 450982
450982
First I had to infiltrate my old high school at night, like it was a level out of the first couple of Hitman games back in the PS2 days. The issue is some of the staff were racists and had a bit of a secret racist club going on with some of the students, and my job was to spot them, because racists have a subtly different accent, so somebody with local knowledge would be able to tell. |
>> | No. 450983
450983
I was in Ukraine, but all I can really remember from the dream is that the Russians were offering defectors the prime pick out of all the women they'd captured. |
>> | No. 451081
451081
I was walking through my town and there was a stage with hippies dancing on it. One of these hippies was the usually "tradwife" of an old friend, but she was in a crop top with nose piercings. I ask what she's doing, she says she divorced my friend but had to pay. I asked if she meant alimony, but she said "no I had to let him rape me". Then I left and spent the whole time walking home thinking "should I tell someone that she was raped?" |
>> | No. 451233
451233
A group of us, maybe six or eight. Dressed in rags and hide, deer antler headpieces. I'm carrying a stick or club, a twisted wooden blunt weapon. We're traveling, walking down a forest path - it's autumnal, the ground is thick with golden leaves. There are small huts clustered around the path, another, less upright tribe living in dome-like structures built from sticks and the same yellowing leaves. Each building is crude, only large enough for a single person to curl up in. Dressed in dirtier rags than us, the tribe here are wary of us but we're not posing a threat - spread out in couples, deliberately vulnerable to show our intent - I'm doing my best to signal to them with placatory hand movements that we mean no harm, only passing through, while I keep myself positioned between the nearest of them and my partner. |
>> | No. 451237
451237
No one fucking cares about your dreams lad. |
>> | No. 451238
451238
>>451237 |
>> | No. 451247
451247
>>451238 |
>> | No. 451248
451248
Caption_ The false belief task involving Sally and.jpg >>451237>>451247 |
>> | No. 451249
451249
>>451248 |
>> | No. 451250
451250
>>451249 |
>> | No. 451251
451251
>>451250 |
>> | No. 451252
451252
My wife has no friends, so when I was introduced to a lass at a close friends party as her friend my immediate reaction was to say "From where?" and when they said they had met online and had known each other for years I became suspicious. "Why then would she never have mentioned you? Why have we never met before today? Why would my wife invite you here with all that considered?" I told this figment of my imagination. |
>> | No. 451253
451253
>>451252 |
>> | No. 451254
451254
>>451253 |
>> | No. 451255
451255
Funny that, the most conversation the dream thread gets is when people talk about anything other than their shitty dreams. |
>> | No. 451256
451256
>>451255 |
>> | No. 451257
451257
>>451255 |
>> | No. 451262
451262
Had another dream last night about the day I moved out of student housing into my first flat. |
>> | No. 451362
451362
Shareaza_screenshot_en.png http://shareaza.sourceforge.net/ |
>> | No. 451363
451363
Helen_Flanagan5.jpg How common is it to dream about having sex with a celebrity? Everyone always seems to be talking about it like it's this really normal thing that everyone does but it has somehow never happened for me even if I try to. What am I doing wrong? |
>> | No. 451364
451364
>>451363 |
>> | No. 451365
451365
>>451364 |
>> | No. 451366
451366
>>451363 |
>> | No. 451367
451367
>>451366 |
>> | No. 451368
451368
>>451367 |
>> | No. 451484
451484
I had a dream that I was on board a plane going on holiday, and suddenly the pilot came on over the intercom and said, "It has come to our attention that one of the passengers managed to smuggle a hand axe into his cabin luggage. Unfortunately, we can't just ask them to hand it over to the attendants, so we're about to do a 360 roll and hope that the axe will just fall out of that person's bag". I was terrified, as the plane went into an upside down nose dive, and I screamed, "Jesus, this is like that Flight 93!!". But the pilot managed to swing the plane around again and level it. And then said, "Thank you, that will be all for today". |
>> | No. 451578
451578
zorak.png I had a dream about interacting with space mantises. Every communication was shaped around a totally transparent quid pro quo calculation. None of the camouflaged social niceties you see in humans. Literally every aspect of every conversation and any plan were laid out in terms of clearly spelled out costs and benefits to both parties, to the most autistic degree. Pretty cool dream because I somehow convinced the captain that it would greatly benefit us both to get drunk together. |
>> | No. 451580
451580
I dreamed we had a pet goat. |
>> | No. 451581
451581
>>451580 |
>> | No. 451584
451584
>>451581 |
>> | No. 451672
451672
Got a new job as a lift attendant for a school, which had only two floors. Entered the lift, and a 20ish years old pretty blonde girl introduced herself as the school's rabbi. She says she hates her job so hides in the lift all day so I shouldn't spill her secret. I get off on the second floor and look out the window. Beautiful ocean surrounding the school. Go into one of the classes. Teacher talking about how Civ IV had a really good song. They search "Civ V opening theme". I say "just search Baba Yetu". She searches "Civ Colonisation theme". I once again say "the song you're thinking of is Baba Yetu by Christopher Tin". She searches "Civ VI Christopher Tin". I ran away and the dream ended. |
>> | No. 451676
451676
|
>> | No. 451680
451680
>>451676 |
>> | No. 451682
451682
>>451680 |
>> | No. 451683
451683
Glenn_Quagmire.png >>451676 |
>> | No. 451895
451895
I'd been frozen for several millions years and when I awoke the world had ended in some technological cataclysm that had left only a few fractured remnants of humanity. It wasn't a nuclear war or AI but something had subtly altered the physics of the universe like in Stalker leaving little physical destruction but everything as slightly broken in some irreparable way "like a clock stuck on a continual tick". |
>> | No. 452290
452290
I made up a song in my sleep, but the more I try and recall it the more it eludes me. It was an absolute banger. I can vaguely remember the music video. |
>> | No. 452476
452476
I had a dream that I went to a shop to buy shoes. I then complained to the lass that the shoes she'd brought me were still a little bit too tight. So she went and got what looked like a cheese grater and proceeded to grate down the back of my heels, almost like you would on a horse's hoof, and then said "Right, that'll do it, let's see now if these shoes fit". Which they did. I thanked her and left with the shoes, thinking that I never knew shoe shopping could be so easy. |
>> | No. 452793
452793
It was amazing. |
>> | No. 452990
452990
>>452793 |
>> | No. 453045
453045
>>452793 |
>> | No. 453050
453050
>>453045 |
>> | No. 453051
453051
>>453050 |
>> | No. 453383
453383
I had a sex dream about Michael Buerk. I need to stop eating cheese before bed. |
>> | No. 453384
453384
>>453383 |
>> | No. 453386
453386
>>453384 |
>> | No. 453388
453388
>>453386 |
>> | No. 453505
453505
I can't remember the specifics, but I remember last night that I had a dream within my dream. I think that's the first time I've been aware of doing this. |
>> | No. 453506
453506
>>453505 |
>> | No. 453525
453525
The USA, still lead by Donald Trump, and North Korea had signed an agreement on nuclear weapons of some sort. The event had taken place in a building not dissimilar to Manchester town hall, albeit probably about half the size. After the signing lots of people just poured into the street, which is where me and a friend had been the whole time. I saw Sanna Marin and briefly considered chatting her up, before talking to two non-PM Finnish women with my mate. We made our excuses and left after they blinked and suddenly they had blue swastikas for eyes though. I spoke to a black guy after this, who's ethnicity I only bring up because he'd put in swastika contacts in because he thought it would help him pull, but apparently it just weirded people out. Who knew? I think we started talking about jumpers, the clothes, no suicide cases, and then I woke up. |
>> | No. 453653
453653
I had a dream that I was at Dara O Briain's for a dinner party with a bunch of people, and he kept lamenting how everybody always takes the piss out of the Irish. |
>> | No. 453689
453689
I have started to taste things in my dreams, I may have always done so, but I have only been really aware of it in the past few months. Last night, I was dreaming I was swigging milk out of a bottle, and I could taste the transition between the milk being good and the milk going sour. Does anybody else have this at all? |
>> | No. 453808
453808
My cat went through the hole in the sink. |
>> | No. 453830
453830
>>453808 |
>> | No. 454508
454508
I was on holiday and suddenly realised I'd left my porn collection at home. I then tried to access Internet porn via the hotel's wi fi, but all I got on my laptop was a screen that popped up, telling me that I was a dirty bastard. |
>> | No. 454511
454511
>>454508 |
>> | No. 454512
454512
>>454508 |
>> | No. 454867
454867
A blind man got on the bus. He had poo marks on his hands because he didn't know he hadn't fully cleaned it off. |
>> | No. 454868
454868
>>454867 |
>> | No. 454869
454869
I got to my new flat and it turned out I'd been somehow landlord catfished. Instead of the spacious studio I paid for, I was instead put in a shared room in a bedsit full of druggies, foreigners, and other assorted undesirables. There were lots of doors that joined all the rooms together, and very little privacy. I walked in on a couple fucking and they yelled at me. |
>> | No. 454908
454908
I was eating a few slices of bread when somebody pointed out to me that the slices in the bag had green mold on them. So I said, well that's just the slices in the bag, mine are fine. But then I saw a few green spots on my slices and began vomiting. |
>> | No. 454926
454926
The roof was sliding off a booth advertising headphones and I was trying to repair it but there weren't enough long screws left and some cunt had misplaced the drill bits. |
>> | No. 454931
454931
I was in some sort of lush green urban city park during what looked like the height of spring or early summer, it was a beautiful day with a bright blue sky, and there was well-kept lawn lined with trees as far as the eye could see in one direction, and then I turned around and saw some pretty impressive Victorian-style wrought iron monuments and fences in the other direction. And I thought, this is a really beautiful place. It looked a bit like Hyde Park, except tidier and bigger. |
>> | No. 454933
454933
My car got stolen from a parking space while I was gone for barely ten minutes. When I then came back, a friend told me that it's probably already on its way to Kenya. So my dad and I got on a plane to Kenya to head off the thieves and reclaim my car. I then actually spotted my car rolling off a ship, and tried to tell the people that it was taken from me unlawfully. They didn't take kindly to it, and told me to get lost or they'd club me with iron bars. |
>> | No. 455271
455271
I was hanging out in my garden during either the early morning just before sunrise, or the late evening just before sunset. Either way, there was a very deep purple dusky ambience, and I had the distinct impression most people were asleep, so it must have been morning. But it was very warm, like a summer evening. I was talking to someone, but I kept getting distracted by ominous whispers, that seemed to be coming from the field behind the garden, in some bizarre and evil sounding language. I kept peering out into the field but there was nobody out there. It got very unnerving. |
>> | No. 455867
455867
I was lying in bed in my old flat that I moved out of a few years ago, and suddenly there was water dripping down from a spot on the ceiling, at first just a few drops, but then it was almost like an open water tap. I then heard the sound of somebody upstairs showering and figured there had to be a hole somewhere in his plumbing. I then phoned the landlord, but all he said was, "What are you still doing there? You moved out years ago, didn't you". |
>> | No. 455868
455868
Keanu Reeves showed me his Albanian miniature train collection. |
>> | No. 456914
456914
Sent to prison for a terrible crime I didn't commit, shacked up with a trans woman on the seg wing. Quite nice TBH. |
>> | No. 456928
456928
>>456914 |
>> | No. 456930
456930
>>456928 |
>> | No. 456957
456957
I managed to start a fire whilst cooking and it kept spreading. |
>> | No. 456958
456958
The Popeyes chicken shop in town had shut, even though it's only been open since September-October. The sign and all furniture inside had started to decay, it looked post apocalyptic but limited only to the Popeyes restaurant. |
>> | No. 456959
456959
I bought some curtains, but they were too short. |
>> | No. 456960
456960
rest-in-popeyes.png >>456958 |
>> | No. 456961
456961
>>456960 |
>> | No. 456963
456963
In the waking world I have a poker chip on my keychain that a family friend gave to me when I was a teenager. It doesn't mean a massive amount to me, other than being a slightly nostalgic trinket, but I had a dream in which I found out my mum had decided to attach dozens of the exact same chip to her own keys and I found it really bothersome, in a sort of adolescent embarassment way. Like she was horning in on my whole "poker chip keychain guy" vibe. |
>> | No. 456964
456964
His name is Hugh Muir, which sounds like "humour". I don't honestly believe he is a real person. |
>> | No. 457242
457242
Mackenzie-Davis.jpg Got pegged by Mackenzie Davis. She was vigorous but tender. |
>> | No. 457249
457249
There was a freaking baboon in my back garden. He was tame and not aggressive and let me pet him, but then he ran through the open patio door into the house and the bedroom, at which point I had to chase him back out. |
>> | No. 457250
457250
>>457249 |
>> | No. 457252
457252
>>457250 |
>> | No. 457254
457254
>>457249 |
>> | No. 457255
457255
>>457242 |
>> | No. 457267
457267
>>457255 |
>> | No. 457272
457272
I had hexadactylic hands and tried to have a wank with them, but it felt no different than having five fingers. |
>> | No. 457287
457287
I copped off with Commander James Stephanie Sterling while she wanked me off. |
>> | No. 457288
457288
>>457287 |
>> | No. 457289
457289
Frau8dBWwAItfsU.jpg >>457288 |
>> | No. 457290
457290
>>457289 |
>> | No. 457293
457293
>>457290 |
>> | No. 457317
457317
>>457289 |
>> | No. 457331
457331
>>457317 |
>> | No. 457332
457332
>>457331 |
>> | No. 457334
457334
>>457331 |
>> | No. 457337
457337
>>457334 |
>> | No. 457342
457342
>>457289 |
>> | No. 457343
457343
Signature-Cast-Iron-Satin-Black-26cm-Skillet.jpg >>457342 |
>> | No. 457344
457344
>>457343 |
>> | No. 457345
457345
>>457344 |
>> | No. 457347
457347
>>457343 |
>> | No. 457348
457348
>>457347 |
>> | No. 457349
457349
>>457348 |
>> | No. 457350
457350
>>457344 |
>> | No. 457372
457372
My dad arranged a meeting with a Jewish lad I went to school with 12 years ago, and his dad, to address my anti-Semitism. |
>> | No. 457373
457373
>>457349 |
>> | No. 457374
457374
>>457372 |
>> | No. 457376
457376
>>457374 |
>> | No. 457377
457377
>>457376 |
>> | No. 457378
457378
>>457377 |
>> | No. 457425
457425
Fell asleep for an hour after work. Joe Cornish made me a strawberry and vodka cocktail of some kind and it was really sunny. I awoke alone and facing an iron sky. |
>> | No. 457559
457559
I don't who's brain my subconscious thinks it's inhabiting, but I dreamt this morning that I had to nobly turn down sex from my girlfriend's doppleganger sister. Neither of these people exist in reality. Maybe I have some kind of hormonal imbalance that's tricking me into thinking I'm basically James Bond, without me even realising it's happening. It would actually explain quite a lot. |
>> | No. 457666
457666
I had a dream my deceased friend came out as gay and was trying to convince me to fuck him. It's left me feeling pretty uncomfortable all day. |
>> | No. 457811
457811
A Spanish goth woman straddled my face while she was wearing tights. Good dream. |
>> | No. 457993
457993
I went to a music festival in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a massive field. I lost my friends very early on as I went to get a drink straight away and the bar staff were very sloe but chatty. After a while of deliberation I got two pints of bitter for 99p each; the only ale they served was bitter because it was in Lancashire. I spent most of the dream talking to a couple of alternative girls next to me at the bar; all I can now remember of this is that they thought I was ten years younger than I was, one of them wrote on all of their cash with a UV pen, we'd agreed to smoke a few joints when we'd got our drinks and the one I hadn't taken a shine to gave me a peck on the lips as I hadn't mentioned I had a girlfriend. She had pale lips and curly hair she'd dyed silvery blonde. The last thing I recall is that one of the bar staff decided to put a load of drinks in one of those wooden carrier thingies and slowly turn it in a big loop over the heads of the queue, some dripped onto the girls and they started laughing about their shnitzens which are apparently the name for the hairs around your tragus. |
>> | No. 457998
457998
I was rollerblading and suddenly I got stopped by police who told me they smelled beer on my breath. The breath test sure enough came back positive and they told me they had to fine me because you're not allowed to go skating while you're drunk. |
>> | No. 457999
457999
>>457998 |
>> | No. 458004
458004
>>457999 |
>> | No. 458146
458146
>>458004 |
>> | No. 458147
458147
>>458146 |
>> | No. 458176
458176
I was hoping to dream about big tiddy mommy GF robots, but I actually dreamed about being trapped in a motel room full of human shit and aborted foetuses. |
>> | No. 458186
458186
I lost my leg in a crush at a Yellow concert. |
>> | No. 458282
458282
There was a deleted board on britfa.gs called /crime/, which someone posted an archive of. Then I slowcooked a fairy using a coffee pot. |
>> | No. 458284
458284
I was on the set of a Kenneth Brannagh film, I was trying to speak to him to explain that something was wrong with the film. No one would let me see him so I snuck past and when I found Branagh he was with some guy, no one I actually know, who I didn't like so I threw a bag of potatoes over arm at the guy and missed. I said something like "I haven't played cricket since school, you see" and woke up. |
>> | No. 458433
458433
I went to the horse racing with a group that mainly consisted of friends from secondary school. I ended up pulling three women, two of whom were childhood crushes, but everything started to fall apart soon after because it turned out kissing one of them was caught on camera, which we found out when her husband called her to say he'd seen it on TV. Then I had a very unpleasant phone conversation with my girlfriend. It went downhill from there. |
>> | No. 458634
458634
Earlier I drifted off when what was surely a sex dream in the making took a 180 degree turn and all of a sudden it was X-COM. No idea what's going on up there. |
>> | No. 458653
458653
>>458634 |
>> | No. 458656
458656
So weird. I have had a lot of dreams where I was meant to be some place. The setting always differs, the one constant is that I should know but inevitably I get lost some more. For the first time someone took me and just dropped me in the desired place. Nothing special about who dropped me, no impact on my real life, but weird that it happened. |
>> | No. 459036
459036
It was my birthday and I was doing some last minute grocery shopping for a little party I was having. And then somebody nicked my bicycle from in front of the shop and I was absolutely furious. |
>> | No. 459038
459038
I keep dreaming I'm picking a massive spot on my body. It starts like dry oil but quickly flows line an abcess. First it was on my elbow, the next night on my thigh. |
>> | No. 459074
459074
I spent half a day in an unlit supermarket reading a paperback novel about the first episode of Better Call Saul. |
>> | No. 459076
459076
I had a dream that I was on a weekend holiday somewhere on the Dorset coast, and my mum was visiting me there and she complained that she had to come by train because somebody had nicked her car out of her locked garage at home. |
>> | No. 459077
459077
Spots.jpg >>459074 |
>> | No. 459080
459080
>>459077 |
>> | No. 459081
459081
>>459077 |
>> | No. 459164
459164
I went to visit m old colleagues at the Maplin I used to work at, and I was delighted to find out they were selling CRT tellies, and really good ones with all kinds of inputs and what have you on the back too, for a hundred quid each. |
>> | No. 459166
459166
I went to the shop to get some alcohol free beer, but all the shops were shut because of some sort of public holiday. On my way back home I noticed a new shop on the street that had never been there before. I went in, and there was a 14ish year old girl working there, asking me if I wanted some liquer. The choice was chocolate or peach (I chose peach). She said they're normally £5 a bottle, but she sells them for £2, and her parents let her keep the money. I bought some "Texas Strength" lager which was 7.4%, some Warheads sour apple pop, and a bottle of Irn Bru. I paid for my stuff, came home, and nothing I bought was in the bag except the peach liquer. Instead there were several bacon butties, loose crisps, a six pack of Aldi pilsner. I remembered I'm trying to go teetotal so wrestled with whether or not to drink the booze, so I turned the TV on to distract myself. On TV was Michael Barrymore, but he looked well for his age, and I messaged my friend saying it's a shame Barrymore doesn't do much TV anymore since the Lubbock thing. |
>> | No. 459188
459188
>>459166 |
>> | No. 459269
459269
David Harewood kicked my head in because he thought I said something racist. I tried to tell him that he'd misheard me, but that only enraged him more. |
>> | No. 459402
459402
I was in a large circular building with different sections. It seemed enclosed, either underground or gated off or otherwise secured from the outside world. The building was full of zombies. I was with a group of people, each with a surprisingly well fleshed out personality. I had actually followed their individual stories up to the point of our meeting. Anyway one of the lads who looked like The Rock and everyone thought had been in the army stuffed two people, one sciencey woman and another I don't recall in to a giant incinerator by pretending the incinerator was some science thing. Then he pressed the button to make them go I need a humour transplant, it got up to 80 degrees inside, but some deus ex machina shit happened and someone managed to turn the machine off. |
>> | No. 459407
459407
I once again had that dream about living in student housing, where I'm secretly still occupying a room although I was supposed to move out after obtaining my degree. Except this time, they were onto me and were about to evict me, and demand 20 years worth of unpaid rent. |
>> | No. 459410
459410
I was trying to Google "Big Breakfast Nazi skinhead", to find footage of the segment where the Nazi skinhead shaved Johnny Vaughn bald. However Google only showed me a map of the UK, with little flags on various locations. Each flag corresponded to where a CBBC show was filmed. All of these shows were sci-fi shows featuring aliens, I don't think any of them existed IRL. One had a robot alien who was shaped like a fertility goddess, and I went on a Discord chat I'm in to show off sexy robot. Then they said I'm really weird for spending £18k to get an outfit worn by Dolly Parton. |
>> | No. 459412
459412
>>459407 |
>> | No. 459413
459413
I had a dream where I did the kind of shit that was just passing water. I've never actually done that, because I think that only happens when you're losing a battle against a tropical disease. In the dream I was in bed too, so when I woke up I very gingerly checked the shorts I was wearing because the whole thing was so realistic. |
>> | No. 459424
459424
>>459412 |
>> | No. 459671
459671
NI__0000_Green-weepul-Bully.jpg Well, it finally happened. I had a dream about Carol Vorderman. She was on This Morning testing out bras, or something, and she had a bit of tape to hide her nipples but it fell off to reveal glorious little puffy pompoms. |
>> | No. 459773
459773
A friend from school whom I'm not really in touch with any more invited me and loads of other people to a big Christmas dinner. I turned up early before anyone else had arrived and on each plate there were several really, really long roll-ups, like 16'' long. I tried to smoke mine but it started falling apart and I left feeling a bit embarrassed. Then me and my wife went walking on a snowy hillside and we went to the bottom of a valley where Harry Potter and Ron were rehearsing the bit in The Chamber of Secrets where they fly the car. It was a nice atmospheric dream and I think they should start making extra long cigarette paper because it actually looked very aesthetically pleasing. |
>> | No. 460044
460044
There was a ring at the doorbell in the middle of the night and it was a man you could tell was clearly mentally unwell just by looking at him. He kept asking for Gloria Estupan and showing me a picture of a black woman off The Simpsons. It eventually transpired there was a number he'd ring which played a recording of someone saying the words to Gloria by Laura Branigan. As he left I could see Alison Hammond in the car park. |
>> | No. 460115
460115
carol-vorderman-1-3611278845.jpg Carol Vorderman had 3 tits and was enjoying showing me how smooth her legs were beneath her PVC tights. It was very arousing in that 'She's pretending nothing is happening but something is definitely happening' sort of way. |
>> | No. 460120
460120
3u3f5gtsywu51.jpg >>460115 |
>> | No. 460201
460201
I was in a park with a few of my friends and for some reason I was wearing one of their dresses (most of my friends are lasses). We were sat on a couple of benches and I struck up a conversation with some women sat on the bench behind mine, really hitting it off with one of them wearing a similar coloured dress to my own. One thing leads to another and we're in her bedroom, we end up having sex. She then confesses she isn't 20 like she'd led me to believe, she's 15 and has the ID to prove it. Then she starts blackmailing me, saying I've got to keep shagging her or she'll go to the police. The rest of the dream was me freaking out. |
>> | No. 460202
460202
>>460201 |
>> | No. 460204
460204
>>460203 |
>> | No. 460218
460218
Last nights dream came back to me while I was dozing on the sofa just now. |
>> | No. 460220
460220
>>460218 |
>> | No. 460222
460222
>>460220 |
>> | No. 460232
460232
>>460222 |
>> | No. 460243
460243
>>460232 |
>> | No. 460253
460253
I was in an impossible lecture theatre, like it went on infinitely. And at the bottom was they were filming a musical version of a Woody Allen film (I don't know much about Woody Allen so it's probably inaccurate). The director was a rabbi, who looked like Nazi antisemitic propaganda sort of Jew. Chris Packham was many rows up in the seating, shouting "get out of here, Woody Allen would be embarassed to be associated with you!" and similar things at the rabbi. |
>> | No. 460685
460685
Tried to log in to delete some posts that were just an email address being spammed but it went to a user page, not a mod page. Apparently purple finally updated the site. I found the mod page eventually but it was unintuitive to the point I wasn't sure it was even finished or working, so I left it. |
>> | No. 460687
460687
Topaz.jpg >>460253 |
>> | No. 460831
460831
I have a reoccurring dream where I discover I'm going bald. Normally the top of the crown or the sides like Jude Law. |
>> | No. 460868
460868
>>460831 |
>> | No. 460891
460891
>>460831 |
>> | No. 460894
460894
>>460891 |
>> | No. 460900
460900
>>460894 |
>> | No. 461017
461017
I was sitting and talking with random people in an unfamiliar flat that was apparently my flat, and they were a couple with two children who introduced themselves as friends of my friend Michael (I don't have a friend named Michael). |
>> | No. 461029
461029
P1000169.jpg I had a dream about eating M&Ms last night so I went to the shop to make it a reality. Turns out I must've been something in the noosphere because you only had a few (very expensive, I'll add) packets left at the supermarket. |
>> | No. 461109
461109
I was looking in the mirror and noticed hair had grown out faster than I expected. Boring but I realised it's the first time I've ever seen my own face in a dream. |
>> | No. 461128
461128
IMG_5097.jpg I ordered a bowl of popcorn but was given cheese footballs instead. They always weird me out a bit, cheese footballs. |
>> | No. 461591
461591
I had a wet dream last night. I was in a pit on an alien planet and they kept sending monsters down for me to fight to the death. After killing one they sent down an Arabic looking woman who was kind of dressed like a belly dancer. Anyway, I raped her. As soon as I bent her over and forced my way inside I came in real life. That's left me a little bit disturbed. |
>> | No. 461599
461599
>>461591 |
>> | No. 461604
461604
>>461591 |
>> | No. 461606
461606
>>461599 |
>> | No. 461612
461612
>>461599 |
>> | No. 461940
461940
Had a dream where there was an advert for cheese that was actually just the dead skin from the folds on a plus sized women. A really striking bit where a woman ran her fingers under the crease between the boobs and the chest, then dragging all this cheese up between her breasts and into her mouth. |
>> | No. 461943
461943
>>461940 |
>> | No. 461944
461944
>>461943 |
>> | No. 461949
461949
>>461944 |
>> | No. 462481
462481
I had a lucid dream this morning. Kind of. Because in the dream I was unable to will myself to put shoes on, but I was able to will myself to walk barefoot across a painful path of sharp rocks; a remarkably succinct visual metaphor for my entire approach to life really. |
>> | No. 462491
462491
Monday morning I dreamt that I was chatting up a Japanese, cafe owning, woman, in front of another Japanese girl who fancied me, an old school friend and my current best mate. I was impressing her with my, entirely make believe, knowledge of historical Japanese horsemanship. If anyone here has spoken to a woman, does that work? Can I try this in real life? |
>> | No. 462494
462494
>>462491 |
>> | No. 462567
462567
I was at a (teenage lesbian) wedding. One of the brides wore a dress made out of French Fries (the crisps) glued together. |
>> | No. 462571
462571
maxresdefault.jpg >>462567 |
>> | No. 462576
462576
I went to the cinema with two colleagues from work. When the film ended, a guy from the Tartan Army who had been sitting in front of us turned around and started saying abusive things to on of my colleagues, so I told him that Scotland's football team is shite, and he went away. |
>> | No. 462781
462781
Polar Bears.jpg It was the end of the world and not the peaceful kind. Demons were about to rise up onto the Earth and tear us all about apart. I was at the house I grew up in throwing petrol all over the garden fence to set alight as a kind of burning barricade. Not to make me last stand there, I knew a spot I could eventually jump the fence and make a run for it. |
>> | No. 462783
462783
I had a dream that I was late for my brother's funeral. |
>> | No. 462796
462796
>>462781 |
>> | No. 462863
462863
Giant-Sherbet-Straws1-3969543144.jpg I dreampt that; |
>> | No. 462946
462946
>>462863 |
>> | No. 463371
463371
I had a dream that I had invented an implantable GPS tracking device for cats, because the collar devices you can get now are still a bit bulky. |
>> | No. 463372
463372
I was in a boxing match against snooker legend Ronnie O'Sullivan. I absolutely fucking battered him. |
>> | No. 463374
463374
5a8d9c0232120_5a8d60b72c94b_.jpg >>463372 |
>> | No. 463443
463443
I was going for a swim in the sea, and then suddenly a wave pushed my head against a rock and knocked me unconscious. And when I came to, still in my dream, several days had passed of me drifting along the coast unconscious, and people on a boat who found me and got me out of the water were completely shocked and dumbfounded that I survived and didn't drown or get eaten by sea life. |
>> | No. 463463
463463
Cigar man.jpg I found out that my mum had gotten access to my investment account and had decided to play around with my portfolio - selling bits off and investing a chunk in a local start-up delivering a new form of community care support for people with dementia. I was flabbergast but also it's absolutely something that she would do, she wouldn't be able to help herself. |
>> | No. 463465
463465
>>463463 |
>> | No. 463468
463468
>>463465 |
>> | No. 463469
463469
>>463465 |
>> | No. 463474
463474
>>463465 |
>> | No. 463475
463475
>>463474 |
>> | No. 463476
463476
How can anyone speak badly about ARE Scarlett. |
>> | No. 463484
463484
I just woke up from a wonderful dream in which I was hanging around with a bunch of pals on a night out. Only immediately after I wake up I realise that almost all of the people there I haven't spoken to in well over a decade, making it less a dream and more a desperate fantasy, probably not unlike the kind of thing you experience as you're slipping away on your deathbed. A comforting lie. |
>> | No. 463493
463493
I went to Alton Towers with my dad, his friends, and Gary Glitter. Gary was in full wig and make up, but wearing a grey hoodie and blue jeans. My dad his friends were being mean to Glitter, and they all walked off without him, but I stuck around out of pity. Then he grabbed me intensely hard by the wrist and wouldn't let go. I looked up his wikipedia as we were walking and it said his dad had died on that day several years ago. Glitter told me he was taking me to a lake to sacrifice me with a sword to bring back his dead dad. I managed to escape but dropped my wallet which then broke with loads of springs and USB ports coming out of it. |
>> | No. 463523
463523
I keep having dreams about going mushroom foraging in the woods. |
>> | No. 463524
463524
>>463523 |
>> | No. 463542
463542
>>463524 |
>> | No. 463543
463543
>>463542 |
>> | No. 463546
463546
>>463542 |
>> | No. 463550
463550
>>463543 |
>> | No. 463760
463760
depositphotos_97294926-stock-photo-evil-santa-clau.jpg My dad often tells the story of how much he hates his father, how he'd love to beat his face in and how he once made all his kids line up to recieve a belt whipping causing atleast one of them to shit themselves. |
>> | No. 463762
463762
>>463760 |
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