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|>>|| No. 23560
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.
With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.
Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
|>>|| No. 27698
I had the most wonderfully sordid activity planned out with an attractive young lady I was chatting to on an online dating site and then her account disappears entirely. I'm not sure if she got cold feet and blocked me, if she was cat fishing and decided to block me/was banned.
Regardless it is a terrible shame when you get all excited and are really looking forward something and it brightens up your entire day and then it is just snatched away from you. I'm trying to focus on how good the anticipation felt, but this pisses on my corn flakes.
We are but prostates to capricious gods, they tease us and shove things up our arses for their amusement.
|>>|| No. 27727
What's the next step down from suicide? If topping yourself isn't an option, what can you do?
|>>|| No. 27728
The traditional option would be to ruin your life entirely, either with drink, drugs, complete social alienation or a mixture thereof. Then you're supposed to just drift away from society until they start ignoring you.
I wouldn't recommend it, though. What's making you feel the way that you do?
|>>|| No. 27729
>Then you're supposed to just drift away from society until they start ignoring you.
I'm sort of there already. I've failed at everything I've ever bothered attempting, got no mates left, not that there were many to begin with, I'm increasingly paralyzed by anxieties and insecurities and I have £1.99 in my bank account. Needless to say I'm unemployed too. I'm just sort of over the whole "trying to sort things out" shit, because I can't and I won't and who even cares if I do?
|>>|| No. 27741
Been to visit the family this weekend. Within 5 minutes of arriving they commented on my weight loss (I used to be obese, now I am just overweight), which is fair enough, but they made me weigh myself so they could see how much I weigh, which made me uncomfortable. Then every meal I ate over the weekend they'd be saying stuff like "careful with that, you might get back to 20 stone again" and shit like that. It's just unnecessary and I don't see why they did it. I guess they think it's banter, but it is something I'm quite sensitive about (and something which is difficult to control considering I'm on two medications that cause weight gain).
|>>|| No. 27742
>they made me weigh myself
How does this happen? Next time you tell them to fuck off at this point. If talking you into weighing yourself is just banter then so is changing the subject to Auntie Sheila's drinking or cousin Dave's affair or whatever. I don't expect it to go well but if this is what you have to put up with you have nothing to lose.
|>>|| No. 27743
It bothers me slightly that even though I barely know her yet I'll never be able to listen to that song again for the rest of my life without thinking of her, and that even though we haven't broken up yet I can feel it coming in the missing words between the beats of her sentences.
|>>|| No. 27745
Without begging for sympathy, there are girls from 15+ years ago that I still remember when I hear a song, or it's a certain month, or I remember a certain book, or author, or any of a dozen other things. I think it's just the way I'm wired.
If the third world war doesn't happen first, I'll be dieing alone in some shitty furnished flat, and this song will come on on the "golden oldies" radio station I leave on to keep the loneliness at bay, and I will remember her.
|>>|| No. 27746
Better put in the effort to make the relationship work, then. That way when the song comes on, you can call her into the room to dance to it with you.
|>>|| No. 27765
My girlfriend does my fucking head in. She'll insist that we have to do something that I don't really want to, and then gets all stroppy and down when she realises I don't enjoy the thing we are doing, and I’m only doing it for her benefit. This makes me feel like shit, but I can't really do anything because I feel like an arsehole if I tell her 'I am already doing the thing, to make you happy! It is unrealistically entitled of you to expect me to have to like it!' so I just keep my mouth shut, then she gets upset because I've closed off.
She later plays history revisionist that I just shut down for no reason, and acts like the part where she was shitty because I doing the thing for her but didn’t like it wasn’t the cause. She’ll then tell me something like she can't deal with my emotional yo-yoing so she has to distance herself from me right now and doesn't want to talk about it. This frustrates me more, I want to respect her decision but things don’t get resolved if you just avoid them and I can’t live like that.
I didn't realise how bad she affected me till I went on holiday for a week without her and when I came back she insisted we watch 'the secret life of pets' a film she had been mentioning we should watch together since before I left (she had already watched it previously which is why she had the idea I should watch it), about 20 minutes in she was look for approval of how good it was and she could see from my unenthused reaction I wasn't impressed. Paused the film to get upset. I realise what she was looking for was validation in her choices, but I can’t force myself to like a thing. It took her an hour to drain all of the positive energy I had felt from the holiday, and force me into a position where I felt I couldn’t express myself honestly to her.
I'm not an easily brought down person, my flight that day had been delayed for 4 hours, and 2 nights before I had been lost on a mountain side in the dark and none of it affected me in fact I frame it positively as 'well that's what makes it interesting'. I really don't know what the coping strategy for me is with her, and it is really affecting me negatively. Do I just have to learn not to give a fuck about her feelings if she gets moody about these things? Because that seems like a shitty life lesson, and not the sort of person I want to be.
|>>|| No. 27766
Don't try to reason with unreasonable people. Don't spend time with people who make you miserable.
|>>|| No. 27767
It sounds like you’re a surrogate father figure and she doesn’t look after her mental health all that well. What tou’re decribing is crippling insecurity and aelf-esteem issues.
You can’t love someone unless you love yourself, because that person simply becomes a crutch who loves you so you don’t have to. She is leaning heavily on that crutch. The only way to boost her while being honest is to be brutally honest, but show her much you enjoy her conpany and her when you’re doing something you both enjoy. Be gushing, even. When she gets moody because you’ve said you don’t like something, tell her that “we don’t have to like everything the other person likes. Me not liking a thing doesn’t invalidate your opinion if it.” Change the narrative surrounding her behaviour and use her obvious feelings of parental expectation for you to guide her out of the woods.
|>>|| No. 27768
We are all unreasonable at one time or another, and we are all capible of making each other miserable. On the scale of things there are worse people to be with, I find 90% of people too boring to maintain more than 5 mins of conversation with, and probably 95+% of people physically unattractive. I'm not going to reject someone who I like the first time I find an issue my standard kit of resolution tools don't work with, I'd much rather try a new tool first.
>It sounds like you’re a surrogate father figure and she doesn’t look after her mental health all that well. What tou’re decribing is crippling insecurity and aelf-esteem issues.
I'm not sure I agree fully with your assesment, bits and pieces are accurate, but I appriciate your attempt to be constructive, even if it is heavily laced with weird stuff about daddy issues.
Probably my biggest issue is I feel like I can't tell her how I feel without feeling like I am telling her off for being upset. And if I am wholey honest it really pisses me off when she does this, so I feel like if I speak my mind I am not going to be nice about it.
|>>|| No. 27769
Seems like you're just trying to justify still being with her. You just told us yourself that you were much happier being away from her.
If you feel like you can't be honest with your partner because the truth upsets them, then either you need to just accept you have to lie to your partner to make them happy, or you need to get used to upsetting them.
I don't think there's anything you can do in terms of reframing your actions or trying a new approach, if she'll get upset at something like you passively watching a film and not liking it as much as her. What else can you do there, are you willing to perfect a fake smile you have to wear with her? Doesn't seem like a healthy thing to have to do in a relationship.
|>>|| No. 27770
>My girlfriend does my fucking head in.
Dump her? Maybe your lives are so intertwined that it'd be a big hastle undoing all that and moving out and what have you, but, you'd never have to feel emotionally beat up for not liking a daft film again. Other than that I'd suggest being honest with and if that's not going to work then I refer you back to my opening statements on this matter.
|>>|| No. 27771
>Seems like you're just trying to justify still being with her. You just told us yourself that you were much happier being away from her.
I only seem that way, because the first bloody instict of anyone online when you ask them for relationship advice seems to be 'dump them', relationships are more complex and subtle than a binary of dating and not dating, and if there is a problem get rid of them.
I'm currently trying be honest with her, if nothing else it is cathartic for me
|>>|| No. 27772
>I only seem that way, because the first bloody instict of anyone online when you ask them for relationship advice seems to be 'dump them
True or not, I don't see a better solution when your question is "I'm much happier when my girlfriend isn't around, what should I do?"
|>>|| No. 27773
What exactly is weird about a woman going out with a guy that embodies qualities she admires? What I’m describing isn’t the opposite of an Oedipus complex.
If you think she isn’t with you because she has father issues, based on what you’ve described, you’re incredibly naive. It doesn’t mean she wants to fuck her Dad, simpky that he was clearly absent emotionally and she projects that insecurity onto you who is the stable male influence in her life.
|>>|| No. 27774
I think you're dating my ex.
Get rid if her, it won't last, you can't get someone to change when their emotional insecurity causes them to need to blackmail and manipulate you. You'll always be the bad guy. It's not worth the bother.
|>>|| No. 27775
>Do I just have to learn not to give a fuck about her feelings if she gets moody about these things?
Have you tried figuring out what she enjoys about these things you hate so much and looking at them from her perspective? Learning how to enjoy them the same way she does? That, and just taking pleasure in the fact that they make her happy. Doesn't it make you smile to see her smile?
|>>|| No. 27776
This seems like a good approach but if she's getting annoyed that he doesn't 'get' something then that just seems odd to me. My girlfriend watches awful reality TV, but when I tell her it's shite, she doesn't freak out, she shrugs and continues watching it, because she's an adult who is capable of enjoying something without looking for approval for their taste.
|>>|| No. 27777
You could see that as just the reverse of what I said; it upsets her that he's not enjoying himself. She can feel bad for failing to make him happy, that's not so alien. No doubt there's another side to the story because there always is, so I'm just trying to suggest something that involves him putting in some effort to make it work. Which, I think, is the sort of thing he might be open to considering how he's reacted to all the Freudian stuff so far.
|>>|| No. 27778
"I just want you to be happy" are words used to justify all kinds of both overt and covert controlling behaviours. If she expects him to cater to her unreasonable expectations and blames him for the irrational emotions she is experiencing but not dealing with then advising him to try harder to please her will only make things worse.
|>>|| No. 27779
Her reaction is massively counter-productive though, and obviously so. If someone isn't enjoying themselves, having a massive teary isn't going to help matters. At best, that behaviour reflects a lack of maturity and weak interpersonal skills; at worst it's indicative of controlling and manipulative behaviour, as >>27778 suggests.
I might be old-fashioned or just plain boring, but I think that all good relationships are based on the ability to productively manage conflict. You need a mechanism for burying the hatchet and growing as a couple, whether that's a mature conversation or a screaming row followed by passionate make-up sex. If you don't have that, your relationship will die by a thousand cuts.
|>>|| No. 27780
I've just found out that my stepdad's brother has died. I know I'm supposed to do something, but I've got no idea what. I'm not particularly close to my stepdad and I only met his brother a couple of times. In all honesty I don't really give a shit, but I don't want to seem like a heartless bastard. I think I'm going to practice my sad face in the bathroom mirror. What are some good platitudes for a time like this?
|>>|| No. 27782
"Sorry for you loss, let me know if there's anything I can do" is about right.
Send a bereavement card too, old people like that sort of thing.
|>>|| No. 27783
I think a simple "I'm sorry to hear about your loss" covers everything in those situations.
|>>|| No. 27784
>What are some good platitudes for a time like this?
Talk about 'being there for him' 'if there is anything he needs' if you want to be actually sincere try asking him how he feels and discussing it with him. Remember these things aren't all about grief and wallowing, sometimes making sure time goes on and people have other things going on in their life is important. Last time one of my mates dad's died and went to cancel on a board game meet up we had been planing for months I told him
"you have my dearest sympath. I can't really offer any kind of familarity for your situation but know that (and I'm sure I speak for everyone here) we care about you, and your families well being. I think we will probably play something else instead, if you feel like you need a break from your grief over the weekend there will be a space at the gaming table for you."
|>>|| No. 27785
Second this, a card is usually appropriate for people of that generation. Offer to take him out to something he enjoys like the football or just a pub lunch, getting out and about can be hard and people who are grieving don't often ask so actively making it happen rather than just saying "if you need me I'm here" doesn't often get people coming to you (but you should obviously still say that too like >>27784.)
|>>|| No. 27786
>I think we will probably play something else instead
I know you meant you were going to play something that needed a set number of players, but I first read that thinking you were planning on playing a game called Kill Your Dad or something.
|>>|| No. 27788
If mental health is supposed to be getting the same level of treatment as physical health why in the name of heck do they keep offering me talking therapy?
|>>|| No. 27793
I've realised stimulants often make me calmer and even tired. Friends have joked I'm the only person they've ever seen have a nap right after a line of coke or bombing speed. I usually have espresso to help me sleep, too. The internet seems to think it's because I have undiagnosed adhd, though I can imagine a Gp's reaction to a 30 odd year old bloke coming in with that one.
|>>|| No. 27794
>though I can imagine a Gp's reaction to a 30 odd year old bloke coming in with that one.
Attitudes vary; my local NHS trust has a dedicated adult ADHD service.
|>>|| No. 27796
This reads like a viz letter bollocks. What would make you feel like it was the same level of treatment some surgery? a lobotomy perhaps, maybe some electroshock therapy?
|>>|| No. 27797
Psychosurgery and electroshock therapy work, they just have horrible side effects that you want to avoid if at all possible. It turns out that having a bit of your brain burned out or having electrically-induced seizures twice a week for months is somewhat unpleasant.
|>>|| No. 27800
Nobody will give you a lobotomy any more. You might, might get an anterior cingulotomy if your illness is life-threatening and every other treatment option has been tried and failed. Only three patients received that treatment in England and Wales in 2016. It's the last resort of last resorts, for good reason.
Do the therapy, give it your best effort and get back to us if it doesn't work.
|>>|| No. 27815
Talk therapy helps me so much more than I imagined possible. I go in once a week feeling like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders and I come out feeling like I can get back up off the canvas and go again.
I would say that overall it's probably helped me more than the psychiatry (piles of pills) has.
|>>|| No. 27830
But I want and need someone to sit down with my and help me fix the pathetic, grey, smudge my life has been for the last several years. An hour long pep talk doesn't help me at all, maybe I feel better for that day, but it doesn't last any longer. I often end up feeling guilty because my therapist is just another person I've let down. As for pills I've tried them for patches and they were horrible, my life was better at that time, but there were many other factors that helped with that at the time. Look how long it's taken me to build up the energy to reply to these two posts for goodness sake?
I just want someone to help me. Practically, physically, help me, but I have no one to call on for that kind of thing so I just rattle around in my increasingly demented brain. I can't even send an email or get myself a drink of water some days, never mind fix up my CV or apply for an apprenticeship. Maybe I'm just a thicko with a broader than average vocabulary after all. However even if that's the case I'm still massively underperforming.
I wish I wasn't such a vain, cowardly, prick, because I'd either have killed myself or never have gotten to the point where I constantly thought about killing myself.
|>>|| No. 27831
Give the MIND infoline a call on 0300 123 3393 during office hours. They can tell you what support is available in your area.
The hard truth is that nobody is going to knock on your door and offer to fix all your problems. You can get better, but you'll have to do a fair bit of the legwork yourself. That's just the way it is right now. Every week, every day, every hour and every minute offers you a choice - are you going to try? Are you going to do something that might make your life a tiny bit better? Are you going to stick at something even though you don't feel like it? Are you going to ignore your negative thoughts and feelings and just crack on? It's your choice.
|>>|| No. 27833
Editing my CV made me so nervous I now feel to sweaty to leave the house, but I lack the 20 pence needed to print it off at the library anyway, so who fucking cares.
I don't even have a phone though, I'm just knackered from every conceivable angle. From the lies I've told to the out-of-the-blue misfortunes, everything's gone to hell.
|>>|| No. 27834
And they just keep getting worse.
I can't go anywhere, do anything, or tell anyone though. Scared of what will happen if I keep it all bottled up.
All I want to do is run far away, but I can't.
|>>|| No. 27835
Going to kill myself tonight when my partner goes out. Crisis team told me to watch a comedy film and have a bath. Think I'll just OD.
|>>|| No. 27836
This seems like a cry for help otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it. whats up?
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