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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
114 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 23875 Anonymous
25th December 2016
Sunday 9:03 pm
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I've been with my gf for a few years but I have a weird (and maybe unique?) problem. I get jealous over things that happened _before_ I met her. Say she's tagged in a picture from years ago where she happens to be having fun I will get a horrible pang of envy possibly because she dared to look happy without me. It is painful and I can feel it in my stomach and chest.

At this point i don't know what I want more - to love her or to own her. I feel ashamed and sad.
>> No. 23876 Anonymous
25th December 2016
Sunday 9:28 pm
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>>23875

I feel you, and have had similar feelings about people I've been involved with. When you really intensely love someone to that degree, it can cause you to learn uncomfortable things about yourself. You have no reason to feel shame if you make an effort to change that pattern of thought; love her as a human being, not as an ideal.
>> No. 23877 Anonymous
26th December 2016
Monday 1:40 am
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>>23874

Seconding this.
>> No. 23878 Anonymous
26th December 2016
Monday 1:56 am
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>>23875>>23876

Met this las about a year and a half ago and it's been going great. She had to re-activate her facebook because she decided that she'd benefit from meeting new friends at her new job. I finally got to see pictures of her before she met me, and she mentioned that 10 months prior to meeting me, she broke off a 8 year long relationship. That's heavy lads. So no doubt she had a lot of photos with her ex, and no doubt she looked happy in a lot of them. It felt weird, and yes, you feel a bit jealous knowing that her ex may have appeared to be better looking than you, and you're second rate to them.

But that how YOU see YOURSELF, to her, you could be the guy has been waiting for.
>> No. 23879 Anonymous
26th December 2016
Monday 5:19 am
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>>23875
Be careful with this, lad. One of my friends went out with a lad who used to get sad because he'd dwell on the fact he didn't take her virginity and she'd slept with people before him. In the end she had to break it off as he became so suffocatingly possessive.
>> No. 23880 Anonymous
26th December 2016
Monday 10:35 am
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>>23875

Have you considered your own background and your own life before hand?

Do you feel angry because you haven't got your own memories? You probably do, chances are you went out and had fun and met girls before her, yet they mean very little in the way of spending time with her now. That's probably how she feels about your memories too. Whilst you have them and they're nice to look back on, they mean very little, and it's probably the same for her too.

Visualising it like this should help you a lot.
>> No. 24040 Anonymous
13th January 2017
Friday 11:48 pm
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I am bored.

Or rather, I think I may simply be boring.

A few years ago I used to be engaged with all sorts of little hobbies and projects, I participated in communities and events and so on. But these days, I've gradually fallen out of the "scene" with everything I used to enjoy, and when I really think about it the fact is I can't be arsed any more.

I've grown out of the music I used to be into. I don't have the attention span to focus on the productive hobbies I used to practice. I no longer have the patience even to stick with a videogame for more than a few hours or read a good book. I just tend to sit and passively absorb some long-form Youtube video, whilst scrolling through some shite imageboard posts.

I think I have simply reached a stage in life where changing my identity in some ways is inevitable, but the trouble is I can't muster the effort it takes to make new friends, discover new interests, see new places. I'm bored. I can't be arsed.

I hang out with less people than I used to. I don't remember the last time I made a new friend, unless work colleagues count. Tinder dates definitely don't count, although I wish there was an equivalent of Tinder to just find people you can hang out with.

I'm in a relationship with someone I'm not sure I really love. She's great in a lot of ways but I don't feel any real passion toward her, I seem to just be with her because the cold, calculating part of my brain says that at least you get sex and she cleans your flat. I don't feel any passion for anything much any more, come to think about it. I feel as though the conquest for new, more attractive sexual partners would temporarily give my life some sort of direction and focus but also leave me feeling ultimately more hollow as a result.

I think I may have pushed the boat out a bit far with psychedelic drugs over the last couple of years. Witnessing life from a higher point of view seems to have left everything that felt meaningful before seem insignificant and fleeting. Morality seems so arbitrary now, the direction a life takes seems so random and inconsequential when considered amongst the billions of others.

Theoretically my life is pretty good and I don't have anything to really worry about. I wouldn't say I'm depressed- I've been truly depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that. I just feel listless, numb, bored.

Maybe it's just January. Maybe its just the shit weather and lack of good social company. I don't know, but the sense has been pervading me for a while now. I bought a load of booze in before Christmas and intended to party by myself, something I would have enjoyed a few years ago. I only opened on bottle of beer and still haven't touched any of the spirits. I just can't really be arsed.

Actually I don't think my life has ever been "right" since I got sucked in and then fucked over by a lass way out of my leage several years ago. Feels like the last five or six years have entirely been spent rebuilding after I went all in and ended up getting cleaned out. The process has hollowed me out and left a bitter taste around all the things that made me who I was then.

You know what, fuck knows, whatever. It's not like I'm on the streets. I have a decent-ish job and all the necessities of modern life. I just needed to spill my guts, since I don't want to alienate any of my few remaining real friends by making them think I'm a self-absorbed emo wanker. But if any of you read to the end of that mess, thanks.
>> No. 24041 Anonymous
13th January 2017
Friday 11:52 pm
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>>24040
Life m8.
>> No. 24042 Anonymous
13th January 2017
Friday 11:57 pm
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>>24040
Not to denigrate your problems or anything but it does seem like lots of people are feeling more down than usual at the moment. I figure most people have SAD to some degree.
>> No. 24043 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 12:49 am
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>>24042

To be sure they are rather trivial compared to some folk's issues, hence why I posted here rather than in a new thread. It's just odd that I've not really felt this way in previous winters.

>>24041

Quite.
>> No. 24044 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 2:27 am
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>>24040
You're me, except I'm single. Although my cold, calculating part of my brain does sometimes think to find some passionless relationship to at least get sex and a cleaner flat.
>> No. 24045 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 2:28 am
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Every time I scroll past that OP image I think it's Alexander Armstrong.
>> No. 24046 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 4:45 am
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>>24040

>I wouldn't say I'm depressed- I've been truly depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that. I just feel listless, numb, bored.

What you've described in your post absolutely sounds like depression.

GPs and A&E doctors often use a test called the PHQ-2 to identify patients who might have undiagnosed depression. It uses just the following two questions:

Over the past two weeks, how often have you been bothered by the following problems?
a) Little interest or pleasure in doing things
b) Feeling down, depressed or hopeless

If you answer "more than half the days" to both questions, there's an 80% chance that you're suffering from some sort of depressive illness.

Based on what you've said, I'd strongly recommend speaking to your GP. Because you've suffered from depression before, you're at much higher risk of developing depression again. That feeling of dull listlessness can easily turn into complete despair if you don't do something about it.
>> No. 24048 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 2:48 pm
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>>24045

>>24045

Same here. There's something strangely comforting about someone who projects that easygoing happiness like Armstrong sitting down in a grotty pub at the end of the week, drowning in his pint and thinking it's just all so fucking pointless.
>> No. 24049 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 8:55 pm
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>>I wouldn't say I'm depressed- I've been truly depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that. I just feel listless, numb, bored.

There is no excuse for boredom, lad. There is always something to be interested in. Maybe your boredom is just a lack of enthusiasm.
>> No. 24050 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 10:53 pm
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I've been feeling down to the point where I have been actively battling suicidal ideation every waking hour this past week. I can't find the motivation to take any greater steps, just hanging on is all I can manage.
>> No. 24051 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 11:18 pm
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>>24050

Call Samaritans at any time on 116 123. Calls are free on all networks. If you're worried that you might attempt suicide, go to A&E or call 999 for an ambulance.
>> No. 24052 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 11:44 pm
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>>24051
Thanks but that sounds a lot like me calling Crimestoppers if I'm about to rob a bank.
>> No. 24053 Anonymous
15th January 2017
Sunday 12:00 am
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>>24052
The fuck are you on about? These services are there to help you. Use them. 99% of people who feel suicidal later recover and were glad that there was intervention and assistance when they needed it.
>> No. 24054 Anonymous
15th January 2017
Sunday 12:07 am
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>>24052

No, it's like calling a builder if the roof of your bank is about to collapse on top of you.
>> No. 24055 Anonymous
15th January 2017
Sunday 1:44 am
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You can't beat death.
But you can beat death in life.
>> No. 24158 Anonymous
5th February 2017
Sunday 9:25 pm
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I have the most amazing and supportive girlfriend, who has put up with so much shit from me due to me being a mentally ill fuck up. She'd do anything for me, and talks often of marriage and kids, and we're meant to be moving in together in a few months after 2 years of dating.

But I want to end it with her. I doubt I'll find someone who would sacrifice so much to be with me, who would support me through so much, but I just don't feel right in the relationship. I don't see kids and marriage in my future. I don't even see a future for myself, and reckon I'll end up topping myself in the next few years. I fear staying with her will be a future of mediocrity. I just want to fuck off to another country or something.
>> No. 24159 Anonymous
5th February 2017
Sunday 10:44 pm
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>>24158

Was going to write a post blustering on about mediocrity, but then I realised that the problem is primarily that you don't see a future for yourself at all. Figure that out first, what are your values? What do you want to do with your life? Maybe a wife and kids would fit into that if you can build a clearer picture for yourself.
>> No. 24161 Anonymous
5th February 2017
Sunday 10:58 pm
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>>24158

Have you ever expressed your lack of readiness for such commitment to her? It's hard to gather the context from your post but I found it hard not to interpret it as "I don't really want this but the woman is already making all the arrangements and I don't have much say."

If she's as understanding and supporting as you say then she shouldn't rush you into these things, but you didn't make it clear how much communication there has been. It would be harsh to break up with someone who's done a lot for you like that, but I can't recommend you get stuck into a tenancy agreement or anything even approaching marriage/kids until you've sorted your head out.
>> No. 24183 Anonymous
13th February 2017
Monday 12:20 am
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The desire to be wiped out completely off the face of the earth grows within me.
>> No. 24190 Anonymous
13th February 2017
Monday 11:13 pm
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My state of mind flipflops so wildly recently and I don't know why. I'd describe myself as hypersensitive.
Decided to swear off getting drunk for the foreseeable future, that just exacerbates things.

Also been thinking how people respond to personality disorders.
I've never been good with people, normal interactions take a lot of effort for me and it's difficult getting that across to people at all.
Doesn't help when people on /emo/ start complaining at people in similar situations to "man up" because some kid in africa lost his parents to anal rapist murderers. It's all relevant to people's own situations, you'd deny anyone in the UK the opportunity for grieving if you compared us to people in shittier bits of the planet.
>> No. 24194 Anonymous
14th February 2017
Tuesday 1:07 am
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>>24190
>Doesn't help when people on /emo/ start complaining at people in similar situations to "man up" because some kid in africa lost his parents to anal rapist murderers. It's all relevant to people's own situations, you'd deny anyone in the UK the opportunity for grieving if you compared us to people in shittier bits of the planet.


Sounds like what you need is someone to give you a hug listen to you rant a bit and give you some reassuring words and send you on your way ready to face the world once more.
>> No. 24196 Anonymous
14th February 2017
Tuesday 12:25 pm
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>>24190

>I've never been good with people, normal interactions take a lot of effort for me and it's difficult getting that across to people at all.

I'm the same, but you can get over that with a little bit of practice. Most people are a lot easier to deal with than you think. And you don't always have to think it's your fault when a social interaction becomes awkward.
>> No. 24249 Anonymous
19th February 2017
Sunday 11:42 pm
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I got upset over the treatment of possibly trolling, more likely horribly real and needing to vent nonenglishspeaking deathbedlad on this board, posted on /shed/ and was accused of being deathbedlad, as was someone else who questioned it after me. I got surprisingly upset about all of that and really hope there is some reason people think he was trolling for attention. I nearly came close to full-scale teary 'I am leaving gs forever' territory accompanied by a list of the marvels and memorable posts I have introduced to this place since 2010, but didn't.

Also, I'm feeling old, tired all the time, unworthy of my girlfriend, too dependent on drink, sick of being skint.
>> No. 24254 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 5:08 am
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What is my purpose?
>> No. 24255 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 5:41 am
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>>24254

Depends on your personal views. Religons are all pretty easy, live a good life do what the high power tell you so it doesn't eat you bla bla bla...

If you go into phisophy it goes everywhere from
life has meaning and it is this!... ;
Life has meaning but you have to find it;
There is meaning but it is unknowable , but you can make your own and it has value;
To meaning is unknowable, but it's worth looking for one;
to don't bother looking because existance is a cruel joke and you'll never find one and any meaning you set yourself is just busy work;
There is no meaning to anything ever, every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness and dies by chance.


Personally I have never been able to get behind a definitive meaning of it all. But there are several key moral principals that I would defend with my life if push came to shove.
>> No. 24256 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 5:45 am
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>>24254

Mainly, turning glucose and oxygen into energy and CO2. Beyond that, you're making it up as you go along, just like the rest of us.
>> No. 24257 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 5:46 am
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>>24255

Well that was a mess of spelling errors my apologies Modlads.
>> No. 24258 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 6:38 am
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>>24254
You pass butter
>> No. 24259 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 7:03 am
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>>24254
>> No. 24262 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 2:15 pm
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>>23560

OP's picture looks like my Dad. I don't like my Dad. I call him David and he's a shit grandparent.

Despite all that, if he stopped being a histrionic child, I'd make up with him in a second.

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I was young I spent a great deal of time with my Grandparents. We would visit one set on a Saturday and the other on a Sunday or sometime stay over for the weekend at one or the others. This was something I always assumed was at the core of his personality; being family orientated, but he has only ever seen his own Grandchildren on a handful of occasions and I can't figure out why.

We don't get along because he is a hypochondriac and doesn't like being challenged on anything he says or does, but why would that stop him going to see my Sister's kids?

It doesn't scan and I can't stop dwelling on it. Maybe it was my own Grandparents who pushed to see us, but even then if you were raised and lived in that environment of close knit family why would you estrange yourself on purpose?
>> No. 24263 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 2:54 pm
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>>24262

I call my dad "Dave", but I think that's just because I was an especially stupid child who got the words "dad" and "Dave" mixed up.

Sage for pointless posting.
>> No. 24264 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 2:54 pm
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>>24262
Maybe they make him feel old and miss his own parents?
>> No. 24265 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 3:04 pm
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>>24264

His parents are still alive. He is only punishing himself at the end of the day, they already call my Mum's partner Papa. If it is as something as petty as that, lets just say it wouldn't be out of character if other situations were taken into consideration. This is family though, which I always thought he put on a pedestal.
>> No. 24293 Anonymous
24th February 2017
Friday 5:00 pm
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You know that thing lassies do where they flirt with you and say things which give you the impression of being interested, but then also just blatantly ignore your communication for hours/days on end?

I try not to waste my time on them when they do this, clearly bitch is just using you for the occasional compliments and attention when she feels like it. But why does it have to happen with ones that you proper fancied too. You sit there like a dog waiting for its owner to come back from work like "Ah man why won't she just message back."

Fuck women man. Fuck 'em all to hell.
>> No. 24301 Anonymous
24th February 2017
Friday 6:38 pm
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>>24293

I think your problem is one of percived scacity and not moving forwards. You put up with their bullshit because you don't see yourself as having other options. Meet more women, then you'll feel that you no longer need to dwell on the ones you currently know stringing you along because there will be other options.
Some of those women will be decent people who treat you with dignity, and you can have much more rewarding rapport with, and the ones currently causing you grief will become less important to you and your happiness.
>> No. 24302 Anonymous
24th February 2017
Friday 6:41 pm
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>>24301

I appreciate the sentiment but to be honest, I don't have a problem per-se. I just wanted to vent a bit about lasses airing me. I'm actually a bit of a manwhore with the old dating apps.

It's just frustrating when you think you've found a really nice one who might even have more potential than just a quick shag, but then she turns out to be one of the ones who never responds.
>> No. 24312 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 8:47 am
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>>24302

I'm with you there. No matter how much life experience I have, and how many women I've been with, it's still painful to be convinced she's into you then suddenly realise she definitely isn't.
>> No. 24317 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 12:19 am
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What is a good reason to not kill yourself?
>> No. 24322 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 7:31 pm
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>>24317

It might get better later, and even if it doesn't, you're going to die eventually anyway. The outcome is always the same in the end, you're just potentially missing out on the good parts. There's no rational reason to commit to such a decision.

It's like if someone offers you a lottery ticket for free. What have you got to gain by turning it down?
>> No. 24399 Anonymous
9th March 2017
Thursday 10:16 pm
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You know that thing where you're just completely blagging it through life, and somehow you're just getting away with it all? You know, you bullshit all day at work, you lie your way through awkward situations, you make things up as you go along and hope it works out.

Does it ever get on top of you just simply how much you're completely, absolutely fucking phoning it in at times, but somehow totally getting away with it? I have this crushing paranoia sometimes that I'll turn up to work or sit down for a pint and they'll just collectively go "Look. We know you're a fraud. We're on to you."

I've always supposed it's because everyone else is going through life in the exact same manner, but I don't know lads. Sometimes I just have one of those days where I get away completely clean with something that I really should have been called out on, and I can't help but sit there questioning it all.
>> No. 24400 Anonymous
9th March 2017
Thursday 10:25 pm
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>>24399
I dunno. Give us an example?
>> No. 24402 Anonymous
9th March 2017
Thursday 10:52 pm
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>>24399

Might want to reseach this lad. Might put you at ease to understand it better.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome
>> No. 24404 Anonymous
10th March 2017
Friday 6:40 am
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>>24399
'Good old neon' by David Foster Wallace is a great short story on this theme.
>> No. 24555 Anonymous
19th March 2017
Sunday 5:46 am
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Just going to bump this thread. For the first time in almost a year I've had actual isolated time to myself. It hasn't gone well. I had a lot of alcohol and it resulted in lots of shouting, bruised knuckles and lots of tears. For the past almostyear I've been socialising a lot, traveling through different countries and all that, I think it distracted me. Turns out that if I'm left by myself I'm exactly the same as before I set out to do all that, If that makes sense. Left to my own devices I think I'm just done and it's a matter of time.

You can't change the things that have happened to you, and past a certain point you can't change how they affect you. More importantly, you just don't care and whatever happens, happens. I'm fucking off elsewhere soon and I'm probably going to die in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in the world. I am ok with this, I think.

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