>>23560
Me first? Me first. I'll try to be coherent and concise.

I don't think I'm on any spectrum, but I am a bit odd. I devote pretty much 100% of my free time to coding, working on whatever useless mad vision I feel like I have to realize, and I'm pretty dedicated. When I'm not inspired - occasional, but often - I do nothing and feel a bit sad.

In the last year I was made redundant by virtue of being the youngest member of a team due for cuts, and I've got a job instead working remotely for a reasonably nice small company. Web dev stuff, but I can't complain.

I enjoy working from home a lot. Much better than 9-5 office hours, which I see as a bit pointless as a coder, and my sleep cycle is always pretty wacky so I was often dinged for not being in on time in the past. None of this now. But I'm living in a flat in a town because of my old work, and now that I don't have to go out, and the wonders of online shopping, the last time I left the house was three months ago for a team meetup, and before that, three months again for the meetup previous.

I'm 24 years old and pretty much a hermit. I'd go out, but I've no friends here, and I hate meeting new people. I'm obnoxious and loud with friends, but meeting new people sets my social anxiety to p. much maximum. I've pretty much convinced myself I don't need to go out and I should be focusing on my side projects anyway, but to any rational person that would seem retarded, and, to be honest, I've been feeling straight-up, unadulterated, lonely lately.

I am also fat, gay, and single. Inviting school friends from round the country would require me to tidy away my dildo collection first. No-one has time for that.

>>23561
>The last time I left the house was three months ago.

Seriously 3 months or is that hyperbole? You should at least be trying to get a basic level of exercise. You are going to be suffering some serious muscle atrophy otherwise, all the time getting fatter until the point you can't leave. I'm not saying do anything athletic, but make sure you go for a walk a few times a week. Homo sapiens weren't built to sit in one place all day, it messes with our health.

>>23562
It's hyperbole, but only because I actually need to go out every 2 or 3 weeks to pick up a repeat prescription at the chemist. It would otherwise be 3 months.

I was very unfit before, but it is a little bit scary, to be honest, how even that can degrade; walking into town does actually feel a little tiring now.

>>23561

Given other circumstances I can see myself in this situation (except I'm fairly sure I'm not gay, even if I secretly like Taylor Swifts older stuff).

I am also a coder (currently sans job) and I won't work remotely precisely because I value the social interaction.

Regarding social anxiety, you can beat it with practice.

>>23561

Get up during daylight hours. Do some work at the library or a cafe. Exercise daily - a brisk half hour walk is fine. Find something to do with your time other than programming.

When you're a bit more used to being out in the world, look on meetup.com for something that piques your interest. A programming meetup, a board games club, whatever. You don't have to be the life and soul of the event, just turn up. Anxiety is always worse in anticipation than in fact; you might be dreading walking through the door, but that's likely to be the peak of your anxiety. If you're really struggling, speak to your GP.

Make plans. Short-term (today), medium-term (the next few weeks) and long-term (the next year). Try to stick to them, but don't beat yourself up if you let things slip. Focus on incremental progress and practical action.

>>23561

Biggest problem with this sort of thing is willpower. When I was on the dole I was pretty similar, I would only go out to the job centre and then come back to sit and play games because I was too despondent to do much else. It's all well and good people telling you that you need to do X, Y, and Z if, like me, you are very good at just saying "Ah well, there's always tomorrow."

You need to find something that scares you into action (not ending up like that fat guy on Youtube who gets angry at Blizzard), or a goal worthy of working towards (getting a boyfriend maybe?), or else you will find you can pretty much carry on like this indefinitely.

>>23561

Start doing yoga. Ideally with other people in a class, but if that's not feasible do it only. There is decent free stuff, even in YouTube.

As a certified yoga master I'll happily recommend stuff.

Off the top of my head Yoga with Adriene is pretty good. She has a day by day 30 challenge which might be perfect for you. Do try to get some fresh air as well.

>>23568
I'd get down on her dog IYKWIM

Anyone else been in a weird state of mind over the past few days? Angry or depressed?

Supermoon. Seriously.

>>23570
I guess I have been a little anxious and irritable lately. Although being surrounded by clowns I had assumed it was a normal reaction.

Maybe man-periods cycle with the moon like women's do?

>>23570

I've felt weirdly hyper and talkative. Maybe I'm moonkin

>>23570
Correlation does not imply causation.

I don't know if this is minor or not, but I've just had a breakdown all thanks to a council gritter.

I haven't had a good day in 3 months, and today was about to be the first. What I thought was going to be a £500 repair job on my car turned out to be nothing, I got a Sperg and anxiety diagnosis so I can actually put some concrete shit behind what's wrong with me, I got out of the house for a while and had some social interaction with like minded people... then on the drive back I was behind the aforementioned gritter, but the gritting was so coarse and dense that I was sliding all over the road. I overtook the gritter and in the process it left a chip in my windscreen as well as a fair bit of paint damage.

While I am covered on my insurance it's just a shit end to what could have been my first 'looking up' day in months, and it all just came to a head. I just want to escape, to leave this fucking place and not come back. I ended up walking the streets near my house fucking sobbing like a little kid, eventually just lying on the pavement in the pissing rain at 1am.

Every FUCKING day something else happens, something shit. I haven't enjoyed anything pretty much in the last 3 months because there's always something shit happening to fuck it up. The nature of my job means my holidays are dictated to me, and the next one is Christmas. 5 more weeks, I don't know if I can do it. I need to leave, I have to.

>>23574
Keep calm, grit your teeth, and carry on.

Good thread OP. If nobody responds to this it isn't the end of the world, it'd be nice just to vent.

My life isn't turning out how I wanted it to be nor expected it to be. I'm feeling a lot of pressure because people always assumed I'd go on to do good things, and currently I'm about to become unemployed due to redundancy.

I was always the smart kid in school who always did well, I went to secondary school, aced that too, then college, then got into a good university, not Oxbridge, but one filled with lots of their rejects.

I studied a traditional subject, did better than a load of my mates who did the same subject and even went out of my way to do extra, studying abroad and placements by winning scholarships. I'm working class, but a few of my posh mates heard this and then got their parents to hook them up with work abroad as they were worried I was doing too much.

We graduated and then poof, nothing. I couldn't get a job doing what I wanted, despite many of my mates with worse degrees and similar experience slipping into the jobs. I fought tooth and nail for a better job. which I've just lost, and even now, I can't get any responses for the job I originally wanted or worse jobs. I'm nearly two years out of university and I'll be sat in my room alone, with no money, applying for jobs at my parents houses.

I have friends who are diplomat trainees, doctors, lawyers on 70k, SPADs, investment bankers, you name it.

I'm honestly so fucking depressed I might just end it or run away and do something gimmicky like teach English in a warm place by the sea.

I know life isn't meant to be fair, but I just always cruised through smashing out the top grades, now I'm putting in the effort I'm rowing but my boat isn't moving.

Just to compound things, the job I am losing, I did far more work than people on double my salary, I never took the piss, was always in early, got great feedback from director level, never caused a fuss and was incredibly reliable. There are people who can't even be arsed turning up sometimes on double what I get.

Ah well, I guess this is what slipping through the cracks feels like.

>>23574
Autoglass will sort out windscreen damage for a tenner. Rub some T-Cut on those scratches and it'll be reet.

Fucking hell, lad. Stop focusing on what's gone wrong and focus on how to put it right. This is a piece of piss to sort out. It seems like you're actively looking for things, no matter how minor or trivial, to 'ruin' your day.

>>23576
You mention work and jobs (and implicitly, social status) in almost every line here. I'm a workshy artist shirker type who is quite happy on the bottom rungs of society and I can find pleasures in life which aren't related to those very stilted, artificial and ultimately unrewarding notions of self-worth. Get a hobby.

>>23576
Somewhat in the same boat but you're doing better than me, mate. I never went to college or Uni, I have no career, I just pick up whatever work I can where ever I can. Ended up just traveling around and figure I'll just keep going until I go broke or die or something. So yeah maybe travel? Pretty fun, lots of opportunities can come up, and you might be more likely to find decent work since you have a degree and all.

>>23578

Evaluating your self worth is a fool's errand. There's always someone doing better than you, something more to achieve or acquire, some failure that you can't undo. It's like chasing the end of the rainbow - however fast you run, your destination will run away from you. Hippy-dippy as it might sound, the only truly durable sense of self is based on unconditional self acceptance. You might prefer to have a better job or earn more money, but it doesn't mean you're worth any less as a person if you don't achieve those things.

>>23580

Another lad here, but I relate a lot to that need to measure myself by my achievements.

For me, unconditional self-acceptance is too high a demand. What I've been focusing on the past year is to be realistic about the 'scope' of what I can achieve. As I've become older I've reluctantly accepted I'm never going to be a heart surgeon or an astronaut, but I am certainly going to aim for the high end of what I can become, within my own scope of possibilities.

>>23581

Self-acceptance is an ongoing process rooted in self-compassion. All too often, we're our own harshest critic; we say things to ourselves that we would never say to other people. We treat ourselves with needless, gratuitous cruelty. If we treated a partner or a child like that, we'd rightly be accused of abuse.

I learned a useful exercise from Steven C Hayes. Whenever you're being self-critical, imagine that you're speaking to yourself as an eight year old child. Visualise your younger self stood in front of you. Would you harshly criticise that person, or would you be gentle and supportive?

Self-criticism is a perverse kind of defence mechanism. When you introduce people to the idea of self-compassion, there's often a reflexive backlash along the lines of "I don't need that soft shite, I'm a grown man who can take a kicking". Being harsh on yourself is a denial of your own vulnerability. To treat yourself compassionately is to admit that you're not a big hard bastard after all, that a deeply buried part of you is small and scared and sad. In many ways it's harder to be kind to yourself than to be cruel, but it's ultimately much healthier. Life is difficult enough.

I like thin women. But the world is becoming fatter and it is affecting my ability to feel sexually aroused. The number of people I encounter that I find physically attractive has dropped to the point where I feel sexually frustrated.

I feel like it is impossible to share my position publicly because being overweight is so normalized and people will treat it as selfish and entitled. Only 36% of population aren't actually fat fucks and it is only getting worse, god knows how small the fraction is that actually have the kind of figure I find attractive (being able to make out the pelvic bone is insanely hot to me). Beauty might only be skin deep but I can hardly have a conversation with my penis and convince it that it is fat-shaming, the dick wants what the dick wants.

>>23584
Have you tried the Anna community? They would love someone like you.

>>23585
>the Anna community

The who?

>>23582

I hadn't really seen things that way before. Particularly what you say here:
>Being harsh on yourself is a denial of your own vulnerability

It is true I think and reinforce things about myself, to the point where it's virtually become automatic and subconscious, that wouldn't ever occur to me about another person. Even growing up, I couldn't take pride in whatever achievements or talents that I had, as I was always making up ground in my head for a set of unbelievably nasty inner-voices.

When things are going well for me, it's usually during times where my self-esteem is based off the sheer effort I'm putting in every day. This is unsustainable, I burn out, I get frustrated with lack of progress, and I'm back to feeling shit about myself. Then it's hard to do productive things because I almost feel I don't deserve the reward, until evenetually I become so angry with the inertia, I put some Herculean regime in place again, feel pretty amazing about myself, and the cycle repeats. A local psychiatrist said I likely belonged to some sort of the bipolar spectrum of disorders.

I'm dangerously close to hijacking this thread, but you're on to something there. More regular and consistent practice of self-compassion might keep me stable enough to make steady progress and not have my sense of self completely crash every 6 - 8 months.

>>23586
It's spelt Ana and >>23585 can fuck off, having the very top of the iliac crest showing through at the hips is very normal in people with a healthy body composition.

That said, we all know how useless BMI is as soon as you get to a trained/athletic build with significant muscle mass, but most people in the population aren't that so it's a fine rule of thumb for them.

>>23588

Quite true. The way I tend to think of BMI is that it's a tool to measure the health of populations rather than individuals.

Not meaning to sound too "no shit, m8", but have you tried looking for girls in fitness circles? Physically active hobbies could probably lead you to women with a build more to your liking.

>>23588
Seems unhealthy to fetishise underweight women. Pictures from the Siege of Aleppo must be a wankfest for you.

>>23589
>Not meaning to sound too "no shit, m8", but have you tried looking for girls in fitness circles? Physically active hobbies could probably lead you to women with a build more to your liking.
Also smackhead circles are quite good.

>>23590>>23591

Don't begrudge the lad his tastes. He's said nothing demeaning about girls of different builds, just that he likes thin ones and people are generally getting bigger.

>>23592
He called people of healthy weight "fat fucks." Obviously he is a fat-shaming misogynist.

I'm at the end of my research thesis. I just need to get <10k words down which should be done by after Christmas if not before.

The problem is I seem to have hit a brick-wall in my motivation to get things done slipping me into procrastinating by perfectionism and days where I just get nothing done at all. Its been like this since around February and been a steady decline in my output as I just seem to no longer feel confident in my own abilities or care about my research topic.

Come to think of it its been a month since I should have sent a draft off to my supervisor but I'm still not where we planned me to be and while I can deal with a telling off I don't feel like my work is ready for checking. Mostly because as I said my output has been so bad and I'm now ashamed of it.

>>23576
I'll add to the voices that share how you feel. There are many people I know from university who are currently ahead of me on the game of life.

Rather than echo the sentiment I recommend Dale Carnegie's How To Stop Worrying And Start Living (available in audiobook format). It may sound like it doesn't entirely fit with your issue but there are a few memorable points on this including that in life you may not be a big towering tree like those you may compare yourself to but if you're a bush you should work at being the best damn bush you can be. That's enough for me.

>>23584
I recommend hippie chicks if you can bite your tongue on their logical inconsistencies m8. Trust me.

They also tend to not put so much value on status or looks so you can bat way above your average

>>23594
They don't shower and I like eating women out. It is disgusting.

What is your research thesis on? You don't have to be specific, just the general subject area would be nice to know.

>>23595
>They don't shower and I like eating women out. It is disgusting.

I've never noticed a problem with it. I enjoy my long hot showers but there is something to be said for how your body handles itself if its getting nothing beyond cold showers, a light soap and a good (well...you' know) diet.

>What is your research thesis on? You don't have to be specific, just the general subject area would be nice to know.

The legality of humanitarian intervention in the African Union. A rough background is Africa has had enough of genocides and things of that nature after Rwanda (and so on) so its given itself the right to intervene in certain circumstances. The problem is its not exactly legal if you don't have permission from the United Nations Security Council. Or is it?!

This has become a bigger issue recently as Burundi was threatened with AU intervention given it shows all the same signs as Rwanda did before its own genocide with the international community busy with other things. If you want me to ruin your day: Tutsis are already being killed in the country (Amnesty International released satellite evidence of mass graves earlier in the year) and next year there might be a few million less of them in the world if nothing gets done which looks likely unless Kagame is going to save the day again.

>>23587

I can highly recommend the book The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. The 'trap' of the title is the idea that we can force ourselves to be happy, that if we only work hard enough we can eradicate all negative feelings. If you believe on some level that everything should always be perfect, then you're setting yourself up for a harsh double-whammy. When things do go wrong, you have to deal with the thing that happened and your own frustration, disappointment and self-criticism.

The approach presented in the book is based on self-awareness and acceptance. Sometimes you'll be happy, sometimes you won't. Sometimes you'll feel confident, sometimes you won't. Negative thoughts, feelings and experiences are a natural part of life. By trying to control our own thoughts and feelings, we just make them more powerful.

Don't think of a pink elephant. Don't think of a pink elephant. Whatever you do, don't think of a pink elephant. Thinking about pink elephants is unbearably awful. If you think of a pink elephant, that means you're a terrible person. You'll never be happy if you think about pink elephants. Don't think of a pink elephant.

That seems absurd, but we do it to ourselves all the time. We all have things we can't bear to remember, thoughts we think make us bad people, feelings we distract ourselves from or deny. By suppressing those things, we end up in this futile struggle against nature. It's like trying to force a beach ball underwater. The beach ball will always come back to the surface. The only choice you have is how hard you struggle to push it down. You can learn to stop struggling and live with difficult thoughts and feelings rather than fighting against them.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Happiness-Trap-Based-revolutionary-mindfulness-based/dp/184529825X

>>23597
Did your research cover the AU intervention in Somalia, and how every invading forces trying to "stop" terrorists in Somalia end up joining AMISOM?

To some degree I think AU interventions are American sanctioned operations designed to keep the "peace" which is favourable to US interests. There is nothing really humanitarian about it. The civil war in Somali could have ended in 1993, but American intervention, because white people were sad about Africa being a shithole, meant it lasts to this day. It again could have ended in 2006, but AMISOM (AU forces), Ethiopian forces, and Somali warlords made sure it didn't. That's how Somalia ended up with a weak government backed by the west surrounded by ruthless terrorists.

AU is a sham.

>>23595

Take up distance running or triathlon. Not a pick of fat on those girls.

Also, thank you for leaving all the curvy women for me. Unrealistic beauty standards have created an all-you-can-eat buffet for chubby chasers.

>>23600

My ex fiance was a distance runner. I wish I'd have murdered her.

>>23600
>Unrealistic beauty standards have created an all-you-can-eat buffet for chubby chasers.

You sure on that, lad? There seems to be a lot of fat pride at the minute and I have known the odd heifer thinking she's Gods gift because of all the chubby chasers, such as yourself, after them.

>>23602

>You sure on that, lad?

Ooooohhh yes. The ratio of fat women to chubby chasers is astronomically high. More than half the population are overweight or obese, but "BBW" ranks lower than "cartoon" or "step mom" in porn site searches. To the overwhelming majority of men, "fat" and "ugly" are practically synonymous. You might hear about fat pride and chubby chasing online, but it's notably absent at chucking out time in a provincial All Bar One.

To me, this image is the epitome of feminine perfection. I'd push Scarlett Johansson or Beyonce Knowles out of the way to get to her. I'd drag my balls through broken glass to hear her fart through a walkie talkie. When you have aesthetic preferences like that, you live in a different world to most men.

I'm a 7/10 at best, but most of the women I pursue think that I'm well out of their league. They're used to being the dregs at the end of the night. They're used to being slowly elbowed out by someone who is trying to pull their thin friend. They're used to being laughed at in clothes shops when they ask "do you have this in a size 22?". For all the fat positivity that floats around on Tumblr, society is still brutally cruel towards fat women.

>>23603
>To me, this image is the epitome of feminine perfection
She has a pretty face but genuinely looks like her body has elephantiasis. Is there a line between what is attractive and what's a weird fetish?

>>23603
>most of the women I pursue think that I'm well out of their league. They're used to being the dregs at the end of the night.

This says more about you than them.

>>23603
Even the massive upper arms and thighs? Some people can carry weight well and some people can't. That lass can't. Her body shape is all wrong. She hasn't filled out nicely.

>>23603

>For all the fat positivity that floats around on Tumblr, society is still brutally cruel towards fat women.

Yeah but there are enough guys like you plus desperate lads who'll take anything they can get to mean they'll still get laid and have relationships.

As for myself, I'm probably going to die alone because of my inability to find overweight women attractive. Guess I could just move to a non-Anglosphere country, but I can't learn foreign languages to save my life.

>>23604

>Is there a line between what is attractive and what's a weird fetish?

Don't know, don't care.

>>23605

It's shit, but it's true. Women of a certain size are marginalised to an extraordinary degree. Many people just can't conceive of big women as objects of sexual desire. When I brought my first proper girlfriend home, my mum thought it was some sort of practical joke; I honestly think she'd be happier if I was gay. People routinely treat me like some sort of deviant. When I'm walking down the street with a big woman, I overhear snide comments all the time. Frankly, you're a bunch of bastards.

>>23606

Especially the upper arms, especially the thighs, especially the belly. Christ, I love a big round belly. I love a pair of thighs you could drown in.

>>23608
I can empathise. When I went to uni, I foolishly left my computer at home and my dad went on it, and saw some pictures of fat lasses (including the girl in your pictures), and ribbed me for it mercilessly. My ex was obese and black, and he constantly gave me shit for it. My current gf is also obese, and I'm not looking forward to him meeting her as he can be very cruel to fat lasses.

>>23608
>Christ, I love a big round belly.

That's not a round belly, though. You can clearly see the rolls of fat. Again you've posted a picture of a woman who cannot carry the weight.

>>23610
He has a weird fetish. Let him be.

>>23608

>Women of a certain size are marginalised to an extraordinary degree.

Am I a terrible person for not having much sympathy for someone who is marginalised for the most part as a result of their own greed?

>>23594


>I recommend hippie chicks if you can bite your tongue on their logical inconsistencies m8. Trust me.

Which reminds me about my own problems.

Me and my girlfriend recently went "on a break" and then got together again after about a months worth of not speaking, and intolerable horniness on both our parts.

In the relatively short intervening time, she has got dreds, a surprisingly tasteful tattoo, and changed her style of dress, and I can't help but think she's done it to try and be more appealing to me. She's the least mental girlfriend I've ever had too, she doesn't show symptoms of any major neurosis at all in fact. We spend our weekends camping and taking acid.

It's perfect but I am deeply suspicious of how perfect it is, and frankly the lack of any sort of need to "work" at, any need to put effort in to the relationship, because she's obviously so head over heels for me, is just making me feel rather arsed. As a wise man (Lemmy) once said, "You know the chase, is better than the catch, you know".

I know a lot of lads, especially those who struggle with the lasses, would kill for what I have now. But I just feel a bit bored with it. What can I do to help myself appreciate it?

>>23611
It's the lowest of the low hanging fruit, though.

I'm partial to a chubster, this is an example from the first page of Googling 'BBW'. As you will see, it's a nice full figure. You can get women larger than this still in the same proportions. Many women can't carry this weight well and get rolls of fat, cellulite and those grotesque gargantuan upper arms. A thick, large woman is a nice sight to behold. A woman carrying more weight than is attractive for her frame is anything but.

>>23614
Jesus Fucking Christ.

>>23615
You see what I mean, though? It's one nice full belly rather than one of those weird ones where it splits into three separate sections because the woman in question doesn't have the frame for that kind of weight. Again another quick Google picture .

>>23616

You seem bewildered by the idea of personal taste. Some men would consider that woman to be very fat (namely the skinny-chaser who started this whole discussion and prefers to see bones sticking out), some would say she's just slightly curvy.

I like wobbly bits on a lady. If you don't then that's fine, just don't be a cock about it. Try to avoid describing perfectly normal body parts as "grotesque". Having a preference is fine. Denigrating women for their bodies is a dick move.

>>23614
>>23616

A woman of this size who looks good in real life is a very rare thing.

That first picture you posted is rather unsubtly shopped- In reality both of her arms are in contact with overspilled belly flab, but they've made it look like she has an "hourglass" figure.

The second picture, yeah, she's nice. She's what I'd genuinely call chubby rather than fat, though, and even then it's just a flattering photograph. Laid in bed next to her where she's all spilling off to one side like a level 34 Muk and it's a different story.

My lass is hardly a stick insect, she has a bit of meat on her bones, but fat is another thing, instinctually we find it unappealing in the same way as you would if a woman was greyhound/holocaust skinny.

The fact is that fat itself is unattractive beyond a certain point, in my opinion; the big curvy figure is attractive to you, but that's not taking account of the nasty cellulite flab folds that inevitably occur in real life. You can't photoshop a real girl to hide the stretch marks and eczema around the folds where she can't wash properly. You can't photoshop the stank of fatty sweat. Know what I'm saying?

Look what you did, you Ana chasing filth. Look at what you started. Look!

>>23614
I'd fuck this, not a chubby chaser either. It helps that she could be an 8 if she shed 40 pounds.

>>23620
You should type the way he speaks. That was just shit.

>>23594
>I recommend hippie chicks if you can bite your tongue on their logical inconsistencies m8. Trust me.
>if you can bite your tongue on their logical inconsistencies

And there's the rub. I love everything about the hippy lifestyle the visuals (those girls in your pic are stunning to me), the drugs and I'm rather partial to camping, but the beliefs drive me mad mad mad.

>>23600

The problem there is that then I'd have to be doing long distance running, which is probably great if you like it, but strikes me as the kind of thing that I couldn't half arse commit to.

>>23619

I show no remorse. we are living in the age of the chubby chaser. At least someone can be happy. I'm clearly an out dated fossil with my primitive notions that people shouldn't be a weight that negatively affects their health, and society has a moral duty to discourage obesity during an epidemic of it. not that I can be too high and mighty, this is ultimately just about what makes my dick twitch after all

>>23621
Guy with low self-esteem lowers standards - dates women that look like Rosie O'Donnell. Many such cases. Sad!

>>23623
Not even close. You are bad at this.

>>23624
That was exactly how his twitter account sounds.

>>23625
No it doesn't. It actually sounds like how he speaks. Are you slow?

>>23626
No, just more aware of parody than you are.

https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/449525268529815552?lang=en-gb

>>23599
African conflicts are very interesting though, especially how multifaceted it gets in terms of international relations. Multiple rivers, ethnic groups and mining rights within certain regions require a greater deal of co-operation (and not so co-operative militia funding) between powers. The situation in Ethiopia with the Oromo people are an example of how marginalised groups can become a serious security threat to stability within the region.

As for this thread, I hate myself and everyone around me so I deal with it through murder/rampage fantasies, especially of the people who are being mean to me.

I've recently returned to education part time to fix some grades that I fucked up the last time I took the course and I increasingly find myself questioning why I bothered. Well actually I know exactly why I bothered; I'm hoping to hook a control room operator job in a CCGT power plant for some sweet easy ££££ but when I met and got to know the others on the course I felt a bit left behind as there are some very ambitious people on the course, I am also frustrated at the slow pace the course is going and find myself increasingly uninterested in the subjects at hand.

I'm going to complete the course, I will get a good grade because thats just what I do but fucking hell does it feel cathartic to write this down.

>>23631
What kind of course is it? I have been thinking about good courses to take.

>>23631
You feel both left behind and frustrated by the slow pace?

>>23632

Science and maths, you should be aware that if you're over 18 you'll need to pay even for level 2 qualifications these days unless you have a funding source.

>>23633

What I meant is: I feel left behind by my own lack of ambition, I'm blown away by others want and desire for stuff and my own lack there of. I'm trying to work on changing my mindset but as I said I'm finding myself questioning myself a lot. Thanks for making me clarify that though it is a bit messy.

>>23631

Probably you weren't a good fit for education in the first place, right? Just knuckle down and do what you need to do, keep reminding yourself of the end goal. Presumably you're old enough to know how naive those ambitious ones are too- so try not to let your own cynicism get in the way, because it' not without merit.

I'm in my mid 20s and doing some studying for a qualification the work is paying for, and fuck me does going to college wind me up. The tutors are unhelpful, spiteful bastards who treat everyone in the course (all adults) like teenagers, the department head is the biggest arsehole of all, there's nobody higher up we can complain to so there's no alternative but to just stomach it.

There are some things in life you can't meaningfully fix and just have to deal with I suppose.

>>23634

>Science and maths, you should be aware that if you're over 18 you'll need to pay even for level 2 qualifications these days unless you have a funding source.

Wrong, if you're under 24 you can get on a level 3 course for naff all.

>>23634
>Science and maths
You wot? Is that all you need to end up in the control room of a CCGT station? Just A Levels?


Seriously?


I think I am wasting my life away.

This morning I woke up. I think that was a mistake and I regret it. Instead of just going back to sleep I decided to solider on and now I feel just awful. Out of a sense of decorum I decided drinking vodka at 8am wasn't the way I wanted to manage this, and instead watched a, and I use the term in the broadest sense here, ‘documentary’ on netflix where they mashed a bunch of interviews from comedians talking about how miserable they all are together, then I went for a walk round the park and back. Everything was as dull and as mediocre as it was the last time I went there except because it was 10 am on a Sunday there were grubby noisy humans everywhere.

There really isn't much point to this post other than to vent that sometimes existing feels over rated even when you can't put your finger on why, and I want validation from strangers on the internet of this point.

>>23641

I woke up, watched Laurel and Hardy... That's all I've done. My self-esteem has been scraping along the ground recently. I'll be fine in a week or so.

>>23641 >>23642
Both of you need to do something new. Try an evening session of something you've never done before, go to a community centre or cafe you'd not normally go to, just get out of the house a bit and break your routine. Never underestimate the rejuvenating effect having an open-mind towards a bit of novelty can have on the old existential dread.

>>23641
>>23642
Will it ever get better?

>>23645

I just woke up feeling awful today. I didn't really sleep properly last night and have been on a strict diet, I think I'm just emotionally crashing from exhaustion. I think your advice is solid, but it's not really for my problem. Good night’s sleep and I’ll be tickerty boo.

>>23646
Yes. Slowly, and there will definitely be a strong possibility for relapse, but start looking after yourself as you would a close friend that was struggling and things will start to get gradually better. Eat a bit better. Try to go to bed and wake up at more regular times. In winter, try to get at least an hour outside in the the sunlight a day - shifting your sleep cycle to less night-owlish one will help here. Just do one of these at a time, one little thing that you'd do to care for that close friend who you'd act out of complete love for, and don't worry about the next step. And don't beat yourself up if you don't manage it one day, put it behind you and just try a little bit again the next. Baby steps.

How can I turn myself off? Like a computer, just switch off, and switch back on some time later? I'm getting tired and I need to shut down for a couple of years.

>>23679

I can tell you what works for me:

Turn off the lights. Sit on a cold surface, like the floor or wooden chair, in a cool, quiet room. Listen to a clock or a watch ticking. Breathe in for four-to-five seconds, hold in for four-to-five seconds, breathe out for four-to-five seconds, hold out for four-to-five seconds. Repeat until your body temperature has dropped and your thoughts have slowed down. This usually takes about five or ten minutes.

If you have one, put on a sleeping mask and lie down in your bed. Think about something you'd like to dream about, and let the thought drift through free association as your body readjusts to the temperature of your sheets. You should find yourself getting to sleep by this point.

Shutdown takes about 20 odd minutes but it's reliable.

>>23680

I wrote this entire post not reading the 'years' bit.

Oh well, something for you insomniaclads.

>>23679

I am filled with sorrow. I'm finding it hard not to burst into tears in public a lot.

>>23689

Try some antidepressants.

>>23689
It will pass when your period stops.

>>23690
No, I don't need drugs, just time.
>>23691
Hilarious m8.

>>23692

Do you wanna talk about it? Is there anything you want to share?

>>23695
No, it turns out what I want to do is make a series of bad decisions that will prolong this, meaning it will take even more time to get over.

Sage for vaguebooking.

How does one get over a fear of rejection & failure?

>>23727

By valuing your desire to achieve more.

>>23727
Ask yourself what is the worst that could happen, if you can then write out the worry and the possible answers on a notepad, things of that nature.

The issue people seem to have is that whilst they will certainly overanalyze a problem they won't do so in an objective fashion so they just go around in circles worrying themselves about nothing.

Lads has anybody had a week or two where they don't feel themselves ever? What did you do?

Normally I'm absolutely fine, of sound mental footing and all that, but for about a week I've been waking up and feeling a sudden sense of dread, I've lost my appetite and barely eat more than one meal a day and have been shitting myself constantly because of lack of nutrition. I've randomly fell asleep and I have felt strong mood swings, even though things in my life are alright.

I've never felt like this before, and now I'm starting to feel much better, but I am a bit concerned hw it all suddenly came along. Anybody know this feel? I've no idea what happened to me.

>>23799
If it's a sudden unexplained change of mood or personality I suggest it might be worth talking to your GP about.

>>23728

There is a lot of truth to this. I realised that at some point if I wanted to get anywhere in terms of career/social/general life terms, and actually do the things I want to do, I'd need to get used to embarrassing myself. Being embarrassed doesn't necessarily get any easier or more pleasant, but it seems insignificant when you realise that at least a little bit of it is inevitable toward achieving anything. I think how people deal with embarrassment, emotionally, varies from person to person, but when you want something that badly it does fade from importance in a very tangible way.

>>23801>>23802>>23803>>23804>>23805

How on fucking earth did that just happen?

>>23805
>>23804
>>23803
>>23802
>>23801

You can say that again.

>>23806
how embarrassing

Just delete the fucking posts. Click the Anonymous.

Dear Santa,

For Chrimbus I would like the gift of being a normal, socially adjusted neurotypical.

Sincerely,

A sperg with crippling anxiety

My aunt is kind of a snobby bitch who always comes up to me at family gatherings and says insulting things in a subtle enough way that it takes me a moment to figure out what she was actually saying, by which point she's sidled off. I'm quite tempted to buy her some sort of children's toy "from santa, to help you keep your mind active".

>>23858

Do it, lad. Give her a taste of her own medicine.

>>23859

I'm just going to shut her down with "Not right now"/"Can I just stop you there?" as soon as she opens her mouth next time, it's cheaper.

>>23860
How can you tell she's going to say something like that before she says it?

>>23861
Because that's the only reason she's spoken to me for the past three years.

>>23857
I must have been a very naughty boy this year as I didn't even get a bag of coal, I got a bag of festering diarrhoea dropped on me early when I had a full on breakdown at work resulting in me getting sent home, and everyone there thinking I'm a grade A cunt (which I am, all I want to do is climb out of my skin and be someone else)

>>23864
Why did you have a breakdown?

Mostly fuck Christmas. I never get to see my family, I never get to see friends, I never get to party and I can't talk to anyone about it. I've chosen this career and it's all my own doing, but sometimes the fucking loneliness, which I was well aware of in the beginning, gets a bit much.

End of rant.

>>23868
What line of work you in? Merchant navy?

>>23867
I wish I knew, I've just been feeling more and more helpless and worthless for the past couple of months and it all came to a head yesterday. That's the thing that annoys me, I'm not a 5 year old but I can't stop myself acting like one.

>>23869

I acquire information.

>>23871

You dick, just tell us you're GCHQlad or what have you before I start being happy you're alone.

>>23871
I'm happy that you are spending the best time of your life alone. Hopefully, it will only get worse for you from here on out.

>>23576

Go teach English. I suggest JET. It'll be great for you.

I've been with my gf for a few years but I have a weird (and maybe unique?) problem. I get jealous over things that happened _before_ I met her. Say she's tagged in a picture from years ago where she happens to be having fun I will get a horrible pang of envy possibly because she dared to look happy without me. It is painful and I can feel it in my stomach and chest.

At this point i don't know what I want more - to love her or to own her. I feel ashamed and sad.

>>23875

I feel you, and have had similar feelings about people I've been involved with. When you really intensely love someone to that degree, it can cause you to learn uncomfortable things about yourself. You have no reason to feel shame if you make an effort to change that pattern of thought; love her as a human being, not as an ideal.

>>23874

Seconding this.

>>23875>>23876

Met this las about a year and a half ago and it's been going great. She had to re-activate her facebook because she decided that she'd benefit from meeting new friends at her new job. I finally got to see pictures of her before she met me, and she mentioned that 10 months prior to meeting me, she broke off a 8 year long relationship. That's heavy lads. So no doubt she had a lot of photos with her ex, and no doubt she looked happy in a lot of them. It felt weird, and yes, you feel a bit jealous knowing that her ex may have appeared to be better looking than you, and you're second rate to them.

But that how YOU see YOURSELF, to her, you could be the guy has been waiting for.

>>23875
Be careful with this, lad. One of my friends went out with a lad who used to get sad because he'd dwell on the fact he didn't take her virginity and she'd slept with people before him. In the end she had to break it off as he became so suffocatingly possessive.

>>23875

Have you considered your own background and your own life before hand?

Do you feel angry because you haven't got your own memories? You probably do, chances are you went out and had fun and met girls before her, yet they mean very little in the way of spending time with her now. That's probably how she feels about your memories too. Whilst you have them and they're nice to look back on, they mean very little, and it's probably the same for her too.

Visualising it like this should help you a lot.

I am bored.

Or rather, I think I may simply be boring.

A few years ago I used to be engaged with all sorts of little hobbies and projects, I participated in communities and events and so on. But these days, I've gradually fallen out of the "scene" with everything I used to enjoy, and when I really think about it the fact is I can't be arsed any more.

I've grown out of the music I used to be into. I don't have the attention span to focus on the productive hobbies I used to practice. I no longer have the patience even to stick with a videogame for more than a few hours or read a good book. I just tend to sit and passively absorb some long-form Youtube video, whilst scrolling through some shite imageboard posts.

I think I have simply reached a stage in life where changing my identity in some ways is inevitable, but the trouble is I can't muster the effort it takes to make new friends, discover new interests, see new places. I'm bored. I can't be arsed.

I hang out with less people than I used to. I don't remember the last time I made a new friend, unless work colleagues count. Tinder dates definitely don't count, although I wish there was an equivalent of Tinder to just find people you can hang out with.

I'm in a relationship with someone I'm not sure I really love. She's great in a lot of ways but I don't feel any real passion toward her, I seem to just be with her because the cold, calculating part of my brain says that at least you get sex and she cleans your flat. I don't feel any passion for anything much any more, come to think about it. I feel as though the conquest for new, more attractive sexual partners would temporarily give my life some sort of direction and focus but also leave me feeling ultimately more hollow as a result.

I think I may have pushed the boat out a bit far with psychedelic drugs over the last couple of years. Witnessing life from a higher point of view seems to have left everything that felt meaningful before seem insignificant and fleeting. Morality seems so arbitrary now, the direction a life takes seems so random and inconsequential when considered amongst the billions of others.

Theoretically my life is pretty good and I don't have anything to really worry about. I wouldn't say I'm depressed- I've been truly depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that. I just feel listless, numb, bored.

Maybe it's just January. Maybe its just the shit weather and lack of good social company. I don't know, but the sense has been pervading me for a while now. I bought a load of booze in before Christmas and intended to party by myself, something I would have enjoyed a few years ago. I only opened on bottle of beer and still haven't touched any of the spirits. I just can't really be arsed.

Actually I don't think my life has ever been "right" since I got sucked in and then fucked over by a lass way out of my leage several years ago. Feels like the last five or six years have entirely been spent rebuilding after I went all in and ended up getting cleaned out. The process has hollowed me out and left a bitter taste around all the things that made me who I was then.

You know what, fuck knows, whatever. It's not like I'm on the streets. I have a decent-ish job and all the necessities of modern life. I just needed to spill my guts, since I don't want to alienate any of my few remaining real friends by making them think I'm a self-absorbed emo wanker. But if any of you read to the end of that mess, thanks.

>>24040
Life m8.

>>24040
Not to denigrate your problems or anything but it does seem like lots of people are feeling more down than usual at the moment. I figure most people have SAD to some degree.

>>24042

To be sure they are rather trivial compared to some folk's issues, hence why I posted here rather than in a new thread. It's just odd that I've not really felt this way in previous winters.

>>24041

Quite.

>>24040
You're me, except I'm single. Although my cold, calculating part of my brain does sometimes think to find some passionless relationship to at least get sex and a cleaner flat.

Every time I scroll past that OP image I think it's Alexander Armstrong.

>>24040

>I wouldn't say I'm depressed- I've been truly depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that. I just feel listless, numb, bored.

What you've described in your post absolutely sounds like depression.

GPs and A&E doctors often use a test called the PHQ-2 to identify patients who might have undiagnosed depression. It uses just the following two questions:

Over the past two weeks, how often have you been bothered by the following problems?
a) Little interest or pleasure in doing things
b) Feeling down, depressed or hopeless

If you answer "more than half the days" to both questions, there's an 80% chance that you're suffering from some sort of depressive illness.

Based on what you've said, I'd strongly recommend speaking to your GP. Because you've suffered from depression before, you're at much higher risk of developing depression again. That feeling of dull listlessness can easily turn into complete despair if you don't do something about it.

>>24045

>>24045

Same here. There's something strangely comforting about someone who projects that easygoing happiness like Armstrong sitting down in a grotty pub at the end of the week, drowning in his pint and thinking it's just all so fucking pointless.

>>I wouldn't say I'm depressed- I've been truly depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that. I just feel listless, numb, bored.

There is no excuse for boredom, lad. There is always something to be interested in. Maybe your boredom is just a lack of enthusiasm.

I've been feeling down to the point where I have been actively battling suicidal ideation every waking hour this past week. I can't find the motivation to take any greater steps, just hanging on is all I can manage.

>>24050

Call Samaritans at any time on 116 123. Calls are free on all networks. If you're worried that you might attempt suicide, go to A&E or call 999 for an ambulance.

>>24051
Thanks but that sounds a lot like me calling Crimestoppers if I'm about to rob a bank.

>>24052
The fuck are you on about? These services are there to help you. Use them. 99% of people who feel suicidal later recover and were glad that there was intervention and assistance when they needed it.

>>24052

No, it's like calling a builder if the roof of your bank is about to collapse on top of you.

You can't beat death.
But you can beat death in life.

I have the most amazing and supportive girlfriend, who has put up with so much shit from me due to me being a mentally ill fuck up. She'd do anything for me, and talks often of marriage and kids, and we're meant to be moving in together in a few months after 2 years of dating.

But I want to end it with her. I doubt I'll find someone who would sacrifice so much to be with me, who would support me through so much, but I just don't feel right in the relationship. I don't see kids and marriage in my future. I don't even see a future for myself, and reckon I'll end up topping myself in the next few years. I fear staying with her will be a future of mediocrity. I just want to fuck off to another country or something.

>>24158

Was going to write a post blustering on about mediocrity, but then I realised that the problem is primarily that you don't see a future for yourself at all. Figure that out first, what are your values? What do you want to do with your life? Maybe a wife and kids would fit into that if you can build a clearer picture for yourself.

>>24158

Have you ever expressed your lack of readiness for such commitment to her? It's hard to gather the context from your post but I found it hard not to interpret it as "I don't really want this but the woman is already making all the arrangements and I don't have much say."

If she's as understanding and supporting as you say then she shouldn't rush you into these things, but you didn't make it clear how much communication there has been. It would be harsh to break up with someone who's done a lot for you like that, but I can't recommend you get stuck into a tenancy agreement or anything even approaching marriage/kids until you've sorted your head out.

The desire to be wiped out completely off the face of the earth grows within me.

My state of mind flipflops so wildly recently and I don't know why. I'd describe myself as hypersensitive.
Decided to swear off getting drunk for the foreseeable future, that just exacerbates things.

Also been thinking how people respond to personality disorders.
I've never been good with people, normal interactions take a lot of effort for me and it's difficult getting that across to people at all.
Doesn't help when people on /emo/ start complaining at people in similar situations to "man up" because some kid in africa lost his parents to anal rapist murderers. It's all relevant to people's own situations, you'd deny anyone in the UK the opportunity for grieving if you compared us to people in shittier bits of the planet.

>>24190
>Doesn't help when people on /emo/ start complaining at people in similar situations to "man up" because some kid in africa lost his parents to anal rapist murderers. It's all relevant to people's own situations, you'd deny anyone in the UK the opportunity for grieving if you compared us to people in shittier bits of the planet.


Sounds like what you need is someone to give you a hug listen to you rant a bit and give you some reassuring words and send you on your way ready to face the world once more.

>>24190

>I've never been good with people, normal interactions take a lot of effort for me and it's difficult getting that across to people at all.

I'm the same, but you can get over that with a little bit of practice. Most people are a lot easier to deal with than you think. And you don't always have to think it's your fault when a social interaction becomes awkward.

I got upset over the treatment of possibly trolling, more likely horribly real and needing to vent nonenglishspeaking deathbedlad on this board, posted on /shed/ and was accused of being deathbedlad, as was someone else who questioned it after me. I got surprisingly upset about all of that and really hope there is some reason people think he was trolling for attention. I nearly came close to full-scale teary 'I am leaving gs forever' territory accompanied by a list of the marvels and memorable posts I have introduced to this place since 2010, but didn't.

Also, I'm feeling old, tired all the time, unworthy of my girlfriend, too dependent on drink, sick of being skint.

What is my purpose?

>>24254

Depends on your personal views. Religons are all pretty easy, live a good life do what the high power tell you so it doesn't eat you bla bla bla...

If you go into phisophy it goes everywhere from
life has meaning and it is this!... ;
Life has meaning but you have to find it;
There is meaning but it is unknowable , but you can make your own and it has value;
To meaning is unknowable, but it's worth looking for one;
to don't bother looking because existance is a cruel joke and you'll never find one and any meaning you set yourself is just busy work;
There is no meaning to anything ever, every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness and dies by chance.


Personally I have never been able to get behind a definitive meaning of it all. But there are several key moral principals that I would defend with my life if push came to shove.

>>24254

Mainly, turning glucose and oxygen into energy and CO2. Beyond that, you're making it up as you go along, just like the rest of us.

>>24255

Well that was a mess of spelling errors my apologies Modlads.

>>24254
You pass butter

>>24254

>>23560

OP's picture looks like my Dad. I don't like my Dad. I call him David and he's a shit grandparent.

Despite all that, if he stopped being a histrionic child, I'd make up with him in a second.

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I was young I spent a great deal of time with my Grandparents. We would visit one set on a Saturday and the other on a Sunday or sometime stay over for the weekend at one or the others. This was something I always assumed was at the core of his personality; being family orientated, but he has only ever seen his own Grandchildren on a handful of occasions and I can't figure out why.

We don't get along because he is a hypochondriac and doesn't like being challenged on anything he says or does, but why would that stop him going to see my Sister's kids?

It doesn't scan and I can't stop dwelling on it. Maybe it was my own Grandparents who pushed to see us, but even then if you were raised and lived in that environment of close knit family why would you estrange yourself on purpose?

>>24262

I call my dad "Dave", but I think that's just because I was an especially stupid child who got the words "dad" and "Dave" mixed up.

Sage for pointless posting.

>>24262
Maybe they make him feel old and miss his own parents?

>>24264

His parents are still alive. He is only punishing himself at the end of the day, they already call my Mum's partner Papa. If it is as something as petty as that, lets just say it wouldn't be out of character if other situations were taken into consideration. This is family though, which I always thought he put on a pedestal.

You know that thing lassies do where they flirt with you and say things which give you the impression of being interested, but then also just blatantly ignore your communication for hours/days on end?

I try not to waste my time on them when they do this, clearly bitch is just using you for the occasional compliments and attention when she feels like it. But why does it have to happen with ones that you proper fancied too. You sit there like a dog waiting for its owner to come back from work like "Ah man why won't she just message back."

Fuck women man. Fuck 'em all to hell.

>>24293

I think your problem is one of percived scacity and not moving forwards. You put up with their bullshit because you don't see yourself as having other options. Meet more women, then you'll feel that you no longer need to dwell on the ones you currently know stringing you along because there will be other options.
Some of those women will be decent people who treat you with dignity, and you can have much more rewarding rapport with, and the ones currently causing you grief will become less important to you and your happiness.

>>24301

I appreciate the sentiment but to be honest, I don't have a problem per-se. I just wanted to vent a bit about lasses airing me. I'm actually a bit of a manwhore with the old dating apps.

It's just frustrating when you think you've found a really nice one who might even have more potential than just a quick shag, but then she turns out to be one of the ones who never responds.

>>24302

I'm with you there. No matter how much life experience I have, and how many women I've been with, it's still painful to be convinced she's into you then suddenly realise she definitely isn't.

What is a good reason to not kill yourself?

>>24317

It might get better later, and even if it doesn't, you're going to die eventually anyway. The outcome is always the same in the end, you're just potentially missing out on the good parts. There's no rational reason to commit to such a decision.

It's like if someone offers you a lottery ticket for free. What have you got to gain by turning it down?

You know that thing where you're just completely blagging it through life, and somehow you're just getting away with it all? You know, you bullshit all day at work, you lie your way through awkward situations, you make things up as you go along and hope it works out.

Does it ever get on top of you just simply how much you're completely, absolutely fucking phoning it in at times, but somehow totally getting away with it? I have this crushing paranoia sometimes that I'll turn up to work or sit down for a pint and they'll just collectively go "Look. We know you're a fraud. We're on to you."

I've always supposed it's because everyone else is going through life in the exact same manner, but I don't know lads. Sometimes I just have one of those days where I get away completely clean with something that I really should have been called out on, and I can't help but sit there questioning it all.

>>24399
I dunno. Give us an example?

>>24399

Might want to reseach this lad. Might put you at ease to understand it better.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

>>24399
'Good old neon' by David Foster Wallace is a great short story on this theme.

Just going to bump this thread. For the first time in almost a year I've had actual isolated time to myself. It hasn't gone well. I had a lot of alcohol and it resulted in lots of shouting, bruised knuckles and lots of tears. For the past almostyear I've been socialising a lot, traveling through different countries and all that, I think it distracted me. Turns out that if I'm left by myself I'm exactly the same as before I set out to do all that, If that makes sense. Left to my own devices I think I'm just done and it's a matter of time.

You can't change the things that have happened to you, and past a certain point you can't change how they affect you. More importantly, you just don't care and whatever happens, happens. I'm fucking off elsewhere soon and I'm probably going to die in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in the world. I am ok with this, I think.

I have nothing to say yet want to be heard.

>>24555
Sounds like you were fine on your own devices until you started to drink.

>>24793

Christ lad. For some people that's a bit like saying "you were doing fine with all those sheep until you remembered you're a wolf". You can run half way around the world, you can reinvent yourself over and over again in new cities in new countries, you can fill your days and nights with wholesome activities and new friends and romances. You can do all that, but if right down at the honest basic sat in a dingy hotel room with my own company level you're a miserable, unhappy, slightly mad bastard then all of that is nothing but a great big psychic plaster just waiting to come peeling off.

I'm not even >>24555, btw, just a potentially kindred spirit in the void.

>>24399


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QuJy99yDSc

>>24555

>You can't change the things that have happened to you, and past a certain point you can't change how they affect you.

You can always change how you behave. Living a better life is just a series of simple choices. Take the drink or leave it, get some exercise or sit on your arse, share your feelings or bottle them up, wallow in self-pity or be grateful. If you're living in the past or worrying about the future, you're not giving your full attention to the choice you're making right now.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcSaCfuH-GU

>>24794
Really? Because I think it's more like saying "You seemed to be fine until you introduced a large quantity of a chemical to your brain which lowers your inhibitions and leaves you feeling like shit physically and mentally for days afterwards".
There's some real pathological thinking you hear spouted every now and then about how alcohol brings out "the real you". No, it doesn't. Your inhibitions are just as much a part of you as the desires they hold you back from acting on. Who you are when you're completely bladdered is no more the "real" you than when you're communing with the machine elves.
Then, even when you've kicked the tangible hangover, it leaves you depressed. If he's recently gone out and had too much to drink and made a fool of himself then he's not going to be thinking clearly when he wrote that. Which is better than some sort of self-aggrandising bipolar bullshit about being a wolf among sheep. Remind yourself that you're not thinking clearly, until this happened you were doing ok, get some sunshine and back on the wagon.

Huh, I forgot about this thread but for the previous posters, >24555 was me. For what it's worth it's not alcohol that makes me feel that way though I understand why people think that, it really does just help me cope, I can get a good cry in and let some things out much easier (always by myself) then pass out easily too. If I don't drink and have sessions like that then I spiral more and it gets much worse, I fixate and don't sleep and oddly alcohol has kept me here at least. I'm aware that's not a good thing probably.

I think I'm doing a bit better since then, though. Trying to let go more, get outside more, read more. Even just walking and walking then falling asleep in a field somewhere is nice. I have had slightly more distractions as I'm back at home now though and less consistent social contact. I think being by myself just seems to work out better for everyone. Maybe I'll live in the woods or something. Oh, trying to live more in the "now" too, turns out there's a lot of peace to be had in chaos. Sage for rambling.

It is so liberating to be so brain-damaged that you forget about things that happened years ago, people you have met, things you did, etc. Sometimes I play along and act like I know what the fuck-off memory some of the cunts around me are talking about.

>>24796

You completely missed the point. It's not about "self-aggrandising" and it's not about the alcohol, it's about the process that led you up to drinking the alcohol in the first place.

Even if you want to take the utterly simplistic case of someone who's drinking too much, the "fix" (as if there could ever be such a thing) isn't simply to stop drinking alcohol. All that stopping drinking will do for that person is take them back to who they were before they started drinking, which is to say the exact self same person who started drinking in the first place with all of same problems and reasons that they had before. Basically you're back to square one except now your liver hurts and all your friends think you're a prick. Thus the cycle of misery and addiction.

Thanks for sharing your utterly sophomoric thought processes with us anyway, cupcake.

>>24799
If it's not about that, then why were you talking about wolf and sheep? Clearly he's functional when he's not drinking. It's also obvious that he was depressed post-binge, which is normal. I was just trying to reassure the guy that no, he's not really a psychopath or a bad person, that's the result of him drinking, whereas you seem to be doing the opposite and encouraging him to drink on top of that.

Despite his claim now that it's not the alcohol that does it, he's been doing better since he stopped. I think that speaks for itself. Now if you'll excuse me, a four-pack of tennants super in the offie is calling my name.

>>24801
Oh, uh..I didn't meant to imply I'd stopped. I haven't. I actually just got a litre of gin.

>>24802
Then I retract what I said in light of new information.

Sometimes, I feel very happy, and sometimes I feel very, very down, irritable and just wishing that I would not wake up from my sleep forever. I think this is wearing down my friends and family because they see me as really happy and joking around with them one time, and just really closed off and pissed off at other times.

This isn't fair on them, and it just makes me feel shittier. Am I mental or is this the case with most people?

>>24804

Cyclothymia. It's perfectly treatable.

Lately I have found myself experiencing a certain longing when I watch TV shows that involve best friends and how they do stuff together. Even the X-Files. The reason being that I used to be best friends with a girl I knew for over 10 years and we'd hang out so much we really grew into each other, kindred spirits I guess. You' know how when you know someone so well you can communicate without saying anything - just with a look like you have some hidden language.

Of course I wrecked it by developing feelings for her and then had to cut contact because I couldn't spend my life watching her go with someone else, standard 20-something stuff. I'll never be able to patch that up and wouldn't want to but I do find myself missing her even years later. I know I will meet someone else like that one day and I do make friends and girlfriends but it is rare to build that kind of connection with someone. It is like a part of my youth that has been lost.

I just felt like getting that off my chest. There is no solution other than to forget about this fairly mundane problem.

I was going to wish my ex happy birthday today (well, yesterday) on the f.book. We hardly talk now, but in the process I saw the chat log of our break up and I became bitter, resentful, in pain and close to tears and decided it was best not to talk to her in case I acted on that feeling.

I feel slightly guilty for not saying it, but really no one else cares or is hurt that I didn't.

>>24892

I had an amazing friendship with a girl who was genuinely one of the funniest people I know. We knew eachother for about 8 years, but fucked that up royally by becoming a turbulent couple for 2 of them.

For a long time it felt like a chunk of my identity was missing, because there was no other human being I felt understood me like her. All that confiding in eachother, learning about the world, making sense of experiences together.

What I've come to realise is that the joined-at-the-hip feeling is a bit of an illusion. It's true that relationships are important for growth, we are always free to change how we look at ourselves. In fact, the drive to do that (for better or worse) is what ends many relationships, I think.

There's still bitterness, but also some fond and important memories. What's more important is now, though, is I feel like I am the person with the best understanding of myself. There's no need for someone who can complete my thoughts or flatter my ego. I know what I am, what I can do, how I react to things. I've come to know myself a lot better since we broke up.

Sage for borderline New Age wank.

>>24894

This post reads like I'm drunk but I swear I'm just fatigued.

>>24892

I have a similar thing with Star Trek TNG, particularly the episodes where Data is trying to explore his potential humanity. There's something comforting about their somewhat utopian world when I'm feeling miserably depressed or zombified (thanks Mirtazapine).

Plus Patrick Stewart is a cracking actor and who doesn't like looking at Counselor Troi? Long as her mum doesn't bugger up the episode.

>>24896

If TNG is on telly and Troi's mum is in it I automatically switch off. She was fucking annoying

>>24893
You made the right decision. There is zero point in trying to continue a friendship with your ex if it ended up in bitterness, no matter how much you try you will both involuntary hate one another.

>>24896
>>24900
Mr. Woof!

I can't say I ever minded her. The thing about Lwaxana is she feels like a real person and even reminds me of an auntie I have. I'd rather one of her episodes than one of the weird Troi episodes with her wooden acting, awkward eroticism and rubbish superpower.

>>24901

Auntiefucker mark 2 imminent

>>24901

> an auntie

Lad.

>>24903
Grammatically that is correct. An goes before a vowel.

>>24904
I don't think that's what he meant.

My cunt brain doesn't work.

I've become fundamentally crap at taking care of myself, in the most fundamentally basic ways.

I'm hungry right now and should do something about it. But I will put off doing anything about it, because I feel like it requires too much effort. Even though it is making me miserable, What is my problem? when did I become this apathetic? How do I stop being this crap at existing. I feel like sometimes some survival circit in my brain switched to self termination, and it powered down all aspirations and drive.

>>24918

Could be a medical reason for it. Go to your GP.

I'd just like to say my cunt brain is doing alright at the minute.

>>24920

Good to know. Keep us posted.

>>24918

Self-neglect and low motivation are big warning signs for depression. Get yourself to the GP.

>>24923
And tell him what? The whole thing is drawn out.

>>24923

The doctor tried to tell me I was depressed for these reasons, so I had to remind him that not only am I already on an antidepressant for anxiety, I suffer from chronic back and joint pain and told him if he gave me better painkillers I'd shower more than was absolutely necessary to keep my wife from leaving me.

I shaved recently for the first time in about a year and had to use scissors on it first, because I was going to a wedding. Up until that point I couldn't be arsed because it really hurt my arm and wrist and my wife liked it... for a bit. She started offering to shave it for me, but I was too proud, but eventually conceded the moustache because she threatened to stop having sex with me so she was trimming it with a beard trimmer every time it got "scratchy".

It's all about perspective, both of those things apply to me but I'm pretty OK mentally.

>>24925

Cognitive Behavoural Therapy can be really useful for chronic pain. It won't make the pain better, but it can make it easier to live with. Have you ever been referred to a pain clinic or the Expert Patients Programme?

>>24926

Yeah, the Pain Clinic are fucking heroes. They gave me my first TENS machine and put me on pre-gabalin (which is cracking stuff).

The nurses have good chat and tolerance for swearing, first time I went they gave me a form with pictures of the body and told me to highlight were it hurt. I highlighted the whole thing and handed it back to him and he was just like "...fair enough. You want to sit in my desk chair, these seat are shit?" I sat in the chair.

I care more about the people I'm employed to look after than myself. Much more. They are fantastic, and I have no idea why I'm still here.

I feel as though my time with .gs may be drawing to a close, and it's making me sad.

I've been frequenting this place from what feels like (because it probably has been) my entire adult life. It's been my "thing" that I keep to myself and don't need to tell anyone about, a nice morning scroll with a cuppa and a cig. But it's just not really as cathartic or relaxing as it used to be, and it makes me feel rather melancholic. Either the demographic has changed, or my tastes have changed, but the discussion here isn't what it once was.

I don't mean this post as one of those ridiculous attention seeking farewell post, I suppose I'm just feeling rather sentimental about drifting away from something that has actually been a pretty big part of my life. I don't like change. Growing old is scary.

All the best anyway lads.

>>25030
>drifting away from something that has actually been a pretty big part of my life.
Now that's depressing.

>>25031
Bugger off edgelord.

I really hate summer. Makes me very depressed.

I wish I could die every year and be reborn anew.

>>25030

See you in a couple of years.

Sometimes, when I'm squeezing out the last few squirts of a piss, a little nugget of shit pops out and nestles between my arse cheeks.

I'm not sure what distresses me most. The fact I can't really feel that nugget of shit is there first, the fact that it's quite awkward if it happens at a standing urinal, the fact my arse is apparently loose enough that a gentle squeeze forces it out, or the fact that I have that one solitary nugget lurking around even when I've had a massive dump just a few hours prior.

>>25076

Eat more fibre and start doing pelvic floor exercises. Yes, men do have a pelvic floor.

>>25030
I know what you mean.

We peaked with Are Moaty. These days I'm visiting more out of habit than out of expectation I'll find something likely to cause mirth. The enthusiasm has gone. There's a small band of people determined to suck the fun out of everything and reduce most threads to pointless bickering, even when they're agreeing with each other. I know that's always been there but in the past it's generally been drowned out whereas nowadays we can go an entire weekend with only a dozen or so posts, none of them in the actual weekend thread.

Sage for meta.

>>25078
I think this is just the feeling of loving Britfa, but not being in love with Britfa.

>>25079
Maybe we should try a date-night, have a think about how we might spice things up in the bedroom too.

>>25080
I've bought a couple of magazines. Maybe we can try this underwear? I don't know.

>>25081
How do you feel about getting your sister involved?