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>> No. 1795 Anonymous
27th May 2011
Friday 6:32 pm
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ITT: Workplace annoyances.

I'll get the ball rolling - having to bring in pastries on your birthday. I know it's cheaper if people bring their own in on their birthday instead of chipping in every time someone in the office has a birthday, but it's still fucking annoying having to fork out on your birthday.
2591 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 11163 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 4:24 am
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Don't be such a beta. On the way in to work tell them that their food fucking stinks. Give them a punch and tell them to fuck off.

End of m8.
>> No. 11165 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 5:20 am
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Awful advice. What you need to do is saunter up to their desk á la John Wayne and piss on said sad paper bag of heat-lamp-bathed reconstituted fast food tripe in order to establish your dominance.

Thank me later.
>> No. 11166 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 8:46 pm
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A month in the job and I've already been exposed to office power struggles. I need to keep up my Swiss attitude. I've lived in a house with majority women before, how hard can it be?
>> No. 11167 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 9:27 pm
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I have in my hand a piece of paper. This agreement, signed by Karen in accounts, assures us that the microwave is not to be used for mackerel.
>> No. 11168 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 9:56 pm
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Peas in our time, lads.
>> No. 11169 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 10:08 pm
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We can trust Herring Hitler, can't we?
>> No. 11170 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 11:29 pm
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I've been in an office for nearly 6 months and I'm actually surprised how little back-stabbing and struggles I've witnessed. Probably has to do with the fact that we're a pretty laid-back office, and anyone who really wants to earn more could do if they went somewhere else a bit less chilled.
>> No. 11173 Anonymous
6th March 2017
Monday 7:57 pm
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I've got a job interview this week, which means I'm going to have to find an excuse why I want Thursday morning off. Also, the recruitment consultant has been a bit vague so all I know is the company name and that it's the same job title as what I'm doing now but I haven't been sent a job spec. The salary could be one of four I said I may be interested in; two with an actual monetary figure and the other two are down as 'competitive' and 'completely on what is required for the right candidate'.
>> No. 11174 Anonymous
6th March 2017
Monday 8:26 pm
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You could say... a mate's had an accident and you're going to visit him in hospital. Or you're expecting a delivery at home from a notoriously shite delivery company at whatever time's your interview, and you need to be at home to receive it.

Or something better. I don't know, I'm a terrible fibber.
>> No. 11175 Anonymous
6th March 2017
Monday 9:01 pm
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Sounds like you're going to be spectacularly sick on Thursday with a mysterious unidentified 1 day illness. That will be joked about by your coworkers as a hard night drinking on Wednesday.

Or you could say you've got a hospital appointment Thursday morning.
>> No. 11176 Anonymous
6th March 2017
Monday 9:07 pm
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I find people tend not to argue with courts and tribunals. They also give you plausible deniability should someone spot you walking around town in a suit.
>> No. 11177 Anonymous
6th March 2017
Monday 11:06 pm
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>> No. 11178 Anonymous
6th March 2017
Monday 11:44 pm
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>I've got a job interview this week, which means I'm going to have to find an excuse why I want Thursday morning off.
That's partly your fault for agreeing to the interview at short notice. If they're used to interviewing people who are already employed, then they should be used to making allowances, since it's generally understood that you're not supposed to tip off someone's existing employer about the job search.
>> No. 11179 Anonymous
7th March 2017
Tuesday 12:54 am
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Just say you got a dentist appointment.

Maybe he is desperate.
>> No. 11180 Anonymous
7th March 2017
Tuesday 1:00 am
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Parking tickets are great for this. A big chunk of the cases that go to the tribunals get dropped, sometimes quite close to the hearing, and when that happens there's no public record of it. It just becomes a statistic in the annual report. Figure out where your local hearing venue is in case someone else knows where it is. For England and Wales outside London, TPT have a list on their website, and most of them are a Holiday Inn Express. If you're asked why you need to go, you're dealing with a parking ticket. If you're asked why the short notice, you thought they were going to drop out. If you're asked how it went, you got there only to find out that they pulled out on the day. (Yes, it's not unheard of for some councils to gamble that you don't show up to the hearing. They're already on the hook for the hearing fee, and the officer's time is already paid for.)
>> No. 11181 Anonymous
9th March 2017
Thursday 4:41 pm
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>>11173 here again

It turns out the recruitment consultant inflated the salary on offer by £10,000. They really are utter shits.
>> No. 11182 Anonymous
9th March 2017
Thursday 5:25 pm
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Stick a review somewhere obvious that says they can't be trusted.
>> No. 11183 Anonymous
9th March 2017
Thursday 5:44 pm
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"On target earnings" did they call it? It's sensible to avoid any job listings that even mention such nonsense.
>> No. 11184 Anonymous
9th March 2017
Thursday 5:52 pm
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I haven't met a recruitment consultant yet who can be trusted. They're the only people worse than estate agents.

There wasn't any of that nonsense. A job they said was £40,000 was actually £30,000. They're going to see if they can up it to £35,000 because they were really keen on me.
>> No. 11185 Anonymous
9th March 2017
Thursday 5:56 pm
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What sort of job?

In general, if they want you, they'll pay what it takes. If they won't offer you enough, you don't have to take it.
>> No. 11186 Anonymous
9th March 2017
Thursday 11:46 pm
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Vague recruiters annoy me. If you won't even tell me the name of the company and a bit of background about what they do without me taking time out of my day for a surreptitious phone-call I can't really be arsed.
>> No. 11187 Anonymous
10th March 2017
Friday 5:14 pm
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Almost as bad as the recruiters who search for CVs by 1 keyword and send out emails en masse to every match.

My CV has right at the top "MEng", followed by years of experience working as an engineer. Putting it up on CV library or somewhere results in regular emails along the lines of "hello, I have a vacancy for an office clerk position you might be interested in."

And there's also the opposite: recruiters looking for someone with a certain niche of experience that you might actually be suited to, but even being optimistic the experience level the company wants is blatantly out of your league.
>> No. 11188 Anonymous
10th March 2017
Friday 5:16 pm
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It's financial advice, specifically report writing. In my neck of the woods, the salary for my experience and qualifications tends to be £28k to £40k, although some of the top firms can go higher.

They've come back and said they can up their offer to £32k, which is more than they usually pay for this role. I'd have been happy to accept £34k, but I'm not moving for money; it's for convenience as they're a ten minute drive from my house and I'd end up saving over £1,500 a year in petrol and childcare.
>> No. 11189 Anonymous
10th March 2017
Friday 7:19 pm
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How do you even get employed as a recruitment consultant? It's one of those jobs that looks decently paid and could be accomplished by a monkey in a suit. I want in.
>> No. 11190 Anonymous
10th March 2017
Friday 7:35 pm
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For most of them the pay isn't great and they tend to be paid by commissions rather than salary.

It's the sort of job that tends to be a last-resort for a lot of university graduates who can't get a better job anywhere else.
>> No. 11191 Anonymous
11th March 2017
Saturday 11:24 am
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Having done this through desperation shortly after graduation, I can attest that this is the case. One setp up from a fucking call-centre...
>> No. 11192 Anonymous
13th March 2017
Monday 1:22 am
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Not even that. It's the same thing as an outbound call centre except you have to put the dialling list together yourself. Getting people to agree to interviews might be a bit easier than cold-selling an iPad, but not by far, considering the sort of vacancies you are required to fill.
>> No. 11196 Anonymous
16th March 2017
Thursday 6:20 pm
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Lads I had a job interview and they asked what I look for in my work so I said 'I like to know I'm doing something challenging and know that i'm something that will make an impact.'

They followed up with 'some of the work is monotonous and repetitive, how will you stay motivated?'

So I answered about understanding how the smaller tasks fit the bigger picture and appreciating that the little tasks contribute to the wider effort as much as the bigger, more interesting tasks and I keep that in mind.

Was this a crap answer/ Any other suggestions?
>> No. 11197 Anonymous
16th March 2017
Thursday 6:34 pm
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Oh, they also asked how I judge my performance on projects that take some time but the success of them isn't known and how I judge whether I'm doing a good job.

I blabbed on about making sure I keep the original objectives in mind and how I compare with my peers who are working with my on the project and see if my work is contributing to the wider goal in the same way as everybody else, as well as occasionally seeking feedback.

If anybody has any ideas on whether or not I was on the right lines, that'd be great.
>> No. 11198 Anonymous
16th March 2017
Thursday 7:29 pm
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Exactly the sort of corporate doublethink bullshit that they wanted. You'll be on fast track to management before you know it lad. Make sure you know how to work The Spreadsheet.
>> No. 11199 Anonymous
16th March 2017
Thursday 7:41 pm
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I honestly can't tell if you're taking the piss out of me or if you genuinely think they sound okay but are just being humorous.
>> No. 11200 Anonymous
16th March 2017
Thursday 8:05 pm
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Interview questions largely don't matter. It's more about whether they like you and whether you'd fit in.

Last time I was offered a job was directly opposite the place where I work now. The interview lasted approximately 20 minutes and most of that time was regaling the time the gypsies took over our mutual car park.
>> No. 11201 Anonymous
17th March 2017
Friday 6:55 am
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We've got a new administrator and I don't think she knows how to save a PDF document. Instead she'll print the document and scan it to the system, so instead of having a good quality PDF that's about 800KB we now have an inferior looking one that's at least 8MB after she's unnecessarily printed off a 30 page document in full colour.
>> No. 11202 Anonymous
17th March 2017
Friday 7:14 am
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>It's more about whether they like you and whether you'd fit in.

I guess I'll just have to grow boobs, get myself a low cut top and a Twitch account then.
>> No. 11203 Anonymous
17th March 2017
Friday 12:57 pm
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Both to be honest m8. Really, it says more about the modern workplace than it does about your interview competency.
>> No. 11204 Anonymous
17th March 2017
Friday 7:31 pm
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>>11188 here again.

I handed my notice in on Wednesday, with a request to negotiate a reduced notice period. One of the reasons I gave for leaving, i.e. I know that one department is so uncompliant we're fucked if the FCA ever come in and it could take down the entire company, has apparently "raised eyebrows" with the board and they've asked me to elaborate. I've sent an email which worked out at one and a half pages of A4 of everything I could think of that's wrong with the department, signing off with a line that if this isn't on their radar and I'm having to point it to them then it's deeply troubling.

Am I going to be fucked when they read it?
>> No. 11205 Anonymous
18th March 2017
Saturday 1:03 am
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I've had various temporary full time jobs over uni. Most are quite respectable (i.e. not cleaning, no offence to cleaners), and I've been in QA at a big American engineering company for 7 months now. I have a science based degree and a management MSc.

I want to moveinto systems engineeing and shit.

When I started writing this I had a bunch of questions but now I've got ere it all feels useless. Might ask them later. Pretty windy outside tbh.
>> No. 11206 Anonymous
18th March 2017
Saturday 6:44 pm
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You wanted to be a big hero, eh? You wanted something big before you leave, right?

>> No. 11207 Anonymous
18th March 2017
Saturday 7:02 pm
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Not him, but I'd rather walk away before the explosion than die in it.
>> No. 11208 Anonymous
18th March 2017
Saturday 7:39 pm
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Not at all, if I wanted to "be a hero" I'd have just whistleblown to the FCA.

I made a throwaway comment in my notice letter which they asked me to expand upon. I decided to be frank and I got a few people to check it before I responded; every single one of them said it was spot on and everything I'd said wasn't incorrect.

The issue is so severe that when the FCA do come in it could lead to a seven figure fine and/or them issuing a cease and desist notice to the company. Either the board don't know about the matter because they're incompetent or they've been turning a blind eye to it whilst counting all the money coming in.
>> No. 11209 Anonymous
20th March 2017
Monday 2:05 am
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Loads of my coworkers are immature but they generally understand rules around consent and stupid immature banter i.e. I have a difficult time dealing with it so they'll not harass me if I'm not getting involved.

Aside from one manager, who's 21 or so and persistently only communicates with me (and other employees) through innuendos, touching peoples (only guys) arses, hugging people unexpectedly, making stupid sexual jokes, making stupid racist jokes and specifically calling out my accent because I'm from a different bit of England. Which really just pisses me off because I've dealt with that through school and found it about as funny as hitting my ballsack with a hammer.

I could play along with some of this filth (I mean I get on about worse stuff with mates) if I even remotely liked the guy but I think he's a twat, and he's clearly doing it to get a rise out of me and it makes my work more of an annoyance than it needs to be.

I'm just deliberating on how to deal with this. I'm not convinced he'd have the emotional maturity to cut it out if I asked him to but his girlfriend is also the sort of people manager for our store, which could make things awkward.
>> No. 11210 Anonymous
20th March 2017
Monday 7:07 am
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You work in a shop, it's to be expected. Especially if it's some shithole like PC World.
>> No. 11212 Anonymous
21st March 2017
Tuesday 7:56 pm
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The printer has a massive screen telling you the name of the person who is printing right now. Why does everyone keep picking up every single page that comes off to see if it's theirs (and then put it back out of order)?
>> No. 11213 Anonymous
22nd March 2017
Wednesday 11:15 am
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Outlook has a scheduling assistant for arranging meetings, that will tell you that I've got a regular appointment in the timeslot you keep insisting on booking every fucking time.
>> No. 11268 Anonymous
21st April 2017
Friday 2:04 pm
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I can't tell if my boss is insane or I am. I'll write out two pieces of copy for her and she'll tell me one needs a complete rewrite but lavish praises on me for the other and I don't understand what the difference in the copy is. There's nothing obviously wrong with the grammar, I just rephrase it slightly and suddenly it's, in her opinion, praiseworthy.
Quite a minor annoyance but still befuddling.
>> No. 11269 Anonymous
21st April 2017
Friday 2:24 pm
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Have you tried asking her?
>> No. 11270 Anonymous
21st April 2017
Friday 2:37 pm
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I gave up on trying to understand my last female boss because it wasn't worth it.
>> No. 11271 Anonymous
21st April 2017
Friday 4:42 pm
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>> No. 11272 Anonymous
21st April 2017
Friday 4:55 pm
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>> No. 11273 Anonymous
21st April 2017
Friday 5:51 pm
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This post is good but you should mention it is a dilbert comic. If you could make that change that would be great.

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