>>1795

That totally invalidates the point of the pastries. The person whos birthday it is is supposed to get a free pastry because it's their birthday. Whoever heard of buying other people presents on your birthday?

>>1796
It's happened in all four offices I've worked in and, as far as I'm aware, it's the norm in the majority of offices in the country.

>>1795

Is that a potted prickly pear? Next to a desk without a computer?

I don't even celebrate my birthday.

>>1795
I haven't actually worked in an office but I've never heard of this. I'm not fucking buying cakes for my colleagues on my birthday.

This thread makes me very happy I no longer work in a conventional sense and I will hopefully never work in a corporate office ever again.

Some of the things that pissed me off.

Company presentations where the whole fucking company gets to sit through presentations on how we are doing financially and so on. Sure having an idea of how the magazine you work on/run is doing is important, but I don't give a shit if Farmers Weekly is raking it in or closing down.

Training. Time and money wasted so some theorist can fuck about making Captain Obvious type observations that mean little in the real world.

Diversity training. I understand that calling black colleagues Sambo and asking if the gay guy in marketing caught hiv at the weekend isn't really on and is likely to get me pucnhed. However I don't need a three day seminar to understand this.

Expenses. Really, taking clients out of dinner and drinks is something we are supposed to do whilst not getting them too many drinks?

The TA guy. For whatever reason every office I've worked in has had either a current or former TA member in it. They have always been cocksuckers of a high level, who for whatever reason have to mention that they are/were in the TA at any moment, even if this means comparing the shitty coffee in the kitchen to something made in the field.

Overtly flirty team secretaries. These can be fun, but if they think being flirty and attractive makes up for incompetence it becomes a nightmare.

Team drinks etc. Friday after works drinks can be ok, but when you have "forced" team drinks it never really works out that well. Inevitably there will be disagreements about where to go and then when people have had a few the fun really starts. One of the girls will have had an argument with her bf and start to cry, TA man will be wanting to fight someone and before you know it a perfectly decent evening is a pile of failure and you're on the last train back to Croydon with autistic Michael from accounts who drunkenly confesses to having been molested as a kid/wanking in the toilets at work/owning a mask of shame.

The office comedian. The guy who spends half the working day sending unfunny virals around, heckles already cringeworthy presentations of any kind and does things like push all the buttons in the lift when you are showing clients to a meeting. Inevitably this guy will have some key knowledge or be in a special position which means at some point your job will depend on him.

>>1803
I can't work out if this is meant to be a nod to The Office or not.

Anyway, I bloody love training. If I had the choice between a week's training and a week doing my proper job I'd go for the training without a second thought, easy money.

>>1803

>Farmers Weekly
>Reed Business

I like your offices very much, but you overdo the security. What mag did you work for and why did you quit?

>>1803

>The office comedian. The guy who spends half the working day sending unfunny virals around, heckles already cringeworthy presentations of any kind and does things like push all the buttons in the lift when you are showing clients to a meeting. Inevitably this guy will have some key knowledge or be in a special position which means at some point your job will depend on him.

I aspire to be this man.

>>1803

What do you mean by TA?

The majority of offices I've worked in has had some weird manchild in their 40's.

#1 looked and sounded lot like Reece Shearsmith, but more orange and with very long eyelashes. He used to leave for work at 5am so he could get his favourite parking space on the street, despite not starting for another 2 hours. He'd be in a bit of a mood if someone else was parked there, apparently a few other people used to get there ridiculously early to get the best spots on that street. He used to tidy his house constantly because his mum would come around every week and inspect it for dust, he also didn't have an oven because if he ever got married he was going to leave it up to her to pick one she liked. It's hard to explain him, but he was really fucking odd, hilarious though.

#2 seemed to constantly wear sweaters that looked like antique rugs. He also had similar hair and glasses to the man in the cunt destroyer image, but had a hint of Mr. Bean about him. He was completely pathetic, but he had a few women in their 50's/60's who used to mother him all the time.

#3 was absolutely obsessed with Top Gear. He'd spend most of his time talking about it, or shows along he lines of Ice Road Truckers and that series that was recently on Five about the Royal Navy. The office was predominantly middle-aged women who knew fuck all about computers, so they revered him like a God for just knowing the basics. He lived with his parents, so he'd buy a brand new BMW every couple of years and spend his spare time driving that around and wanking over it.

>>1808
Territorial Army.

>>1810
What you said in >>1803 sounds just like Gareth, do you think they based him off of this apparent stereotype?

I'll assume everyone's been on those forced team bonding weekends where you go to a rapey serial killer looking woods and do activities?

I could have spent that weekend with a curry, a few boxsets, video games and internet pornography but ended up with blood sweat and tears, some people were all three. It just ended with us all hating each other for a few weeks.

I've been working in a new job for the psat 6 months or so and unlike my prior jobs it is very heavily office based. I just do everything possible to get out of the office, this includes site inspections, going to pick stuff up/place orders in stores or just plain hiding in the bog, using my phone to browse the net. My problem is I have a short attention span as it is, so me having a job where I'm sat in front of a computer for 8 hours a day leads to me just staring at the wall or playing solitaire far too much.

The fact that I joined the company shortly after being taken over by new management, means I fall on the side of being the new bloke where there's very much a divide between the new management and the old guard. It doesn't help that the way the office is split up I am sat with all the new management with the old guys on the other side. There's just been so many petty arguments its ridiculous.

On the plus side I have been praised after my first bi-annual assessment for my hands on approach. I daren't tell them that the only reason for this is because I hate sitting in the fucking office and its bollocks politics.

>>1806
>What mag did you work for and why did you quit?

I worked on a number of titles and I left because I was offered a part in the Murdoch empire. This was all a very long time ago though.

>>1813

You sound like you're living a very similar life to me in that aspect.

>>1813
>just plain hiding in the bog, using my phone to browse the net.
I used to do this all the time in my old job; not because it was especially bad, but because it was in the public sector and you could get away with dicking around for half the working day (and I'd still get my work done faster than most of my team). I don't think there was any accountability whatsoever in that job, partially because nobody really seemed to know what someone else was meant to be doing. Fortunately, there were no office politics, but the endless use of 'matey', 'banter' and 'hang fire' drove me up the wall.

The shitters in my current job are a disgrace and not worth wasting time in.

I've not long gotten out of a 2 and a half hour long meeting. Which was such a fucking waste of time, nothing of any worth was said or done. I've not even had my lunch yeat, so i'm fucking off out to go and sit in the park or possibly a beer garden for the rest of the day. I'll head back to the office for 4.30 to clock out.

>>1803
I wish I had an office comedian. Instead I have a man in his late 40's who wants to show how he's down with the kids by constantly name-dropping the likes of The Wombats and Mumford & Sons.

I'd trade that for the office comedian any day. I don't think I've met anyone that has mentioned liking The Wombats that isn't an absolute cunt.

>>1836

He reminds me horribly of one of my parents friends and neighbours when I was in my late teens/early twenties. He was a media prick and would constantly try to be cool by talking about Supergrass, The Boo Radleys and whatever other Britpop rising stars were around at the time.

This was particularly tricky as I had just left the army and was trying to get my first job in meeja and this guy was, according to my mums theory, the best way in.

>>1812
I went on one of these a few weeks ago. It was made slightly different by the fact it was in Eastern Europe and a large man called Olav said I was very good at shooting.

Was pretty good fun actually, even if I lost my bank holiday weekend and therefore my birthday, but it's a fairly new job and I still have enthusiasm for it. I'm sure it'll be different this time next year.

That one CRAZY female worker. You know the one. She works in accounts or human resources, she's a bit overweight, and the first thing she says when introducing herself is "Don't mind me, I'm just a bit KER-AZY". Her CRAZINESS involves liking cute animals, and talking about how CRAZY she is, because if you say you express a particular trait often enough it apparently manifests itself as something approximating a personality. They always love Nandos too.

>>1944
I'M PROPER MAD ME.

>>1944
I know this type. Speaks way too loud because that's the only way this fat ugly bitch is getting attention.

>>1944
Fat people are always so full
of themselves.

Mine's football talk.

I ended up getting stuck working with the office bore today on a project. 8 hours stuck with a middle aged man who kept going on about trains, with all the computer savvy of a mentally handicapped chimp does not make the day go quickly.

>>1985
Just wait until you have to spend the day with a man who hasn't got over his wife leaving him. Two years ago.

>>1986
Being stuck with a middle aged man who is obsessed with trains and still lives with his mother is just as bad if not worse. He is a fucking luddite who i'm suprised still works there after the introduction of PCs in the work place during the 90s.

Don't be hating on trains man.

>>1953
>Fat people are always so full
of themselves.

>>2026

And also food.

THE LADS. THEY'RE IN THEIR 30'S BUT THEY'RE STILL LADS AND THEY LET YOU KNOW THAT THEY'RE LADS EVERY OPPORTUNITY THEY GET. LADS LADS LADS.

THEY HAVE POT NOODLES EVERY DAY. DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THEY'RE LADS.

THE FUCKING POTTED PLANT



AAAAAARRGYGTFERFGRJHEFGERJHFGERAFGHKFGLKSEBFGODFBGDFKBGIDFKABGKAUDTHUIERGTRKZG

>>2365

Post divorce lads in their 40's and even 50's are far worse.

>>1986
They are always hilarious. They never seem to understand why it happened, why oh why did she run off with a mobile-phone salesmen 15 years younger, but then you spend an hour listening to them droning on and think nothing but GO ON GIRL.

I'd echo the hate of pointless training. This Friday I must attend "corruption and bribery" training. Apparently, it's kind of bad if I take money off suppliers and shit. FML.

>>2384
Come work for me bruv.
Take em for all they're worth.

I AM A 90's BUSINESSMAN

>>2385

Reminded me of this.

>>2386
Thats what I was aiming for m8.
This can be our anthem.
https://www.youtube.com/v/3OGQZzEOnHA

I work from home now (for a company), but we're all based from home and meet up in a regus every week or two). It's great for avoiding workplace bullshit.

But this thread reminds me of my old work. What a pit of agony that was. I would go a week without doing work. I would browse the internet all day. I would sometimes crack one off in the toilets.

The fat one who's a ' bit crazy' - omg yes, we had that. She was admin/accounts.

We had a smug manager too, had done everything you could ever imagine and as soon as you mentioned something he done it better. Weekend in some European city - oh yes I went there in a kayak, backwards, jumping off a mountain, blindfolded, chortle chortle chortle, I'm so special.

God just thinking about working if an office again fills me with rage. I wouldn't have patience or tolerance for it.

Fucking invalids who don't know what they want but think I do. "What would you recommend for a 15 year old?" I don't know what music your son listens to do I? Fuck off you old slag.

>>2427

Lad, I think you need to stop being an angsty teenager. Ask what sort of music he's into and point to the relevant section, if she doesn't know point to the pop section.

>>2428
Or flog them a bloody token, make everyone happy.

Or, of course "double handed elbow deep fisting", but we've not got it in stock, try HMV.

>>2427

A beefy poz load is what I'd recommend. I've got some right here if you point me in the right direction.

GONNA SPRAY HALF A CAN OF IMPULSE WHILE I'M SAT AT MY DESK SO IT'S ALL EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE CAN SMELL FOR THE NEXT 5 MINUTES.

HELLO I AM A WOMAN AND EVEN THOUGH THE MEN HAVE TO WEAR SUITS AS PER THE DRESS CODE I CAN WEAR WHATEVER THE FUCK I LIKE.

HI I AM YOUR BOSS EVEN THOUGH I HIRED YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR SPECIALIST SUBJECT KNOWLEDGE I AM GOING TO DISREGARD YOUR ADVICE BECAUSE SIMON IN ACCOUNTS JUST SHOWED ME SOMETHING COOL AND SHINY

YOU WENT THROUGH TWO MAJOR SETS OF ROADWORKS WHICH REDUCED LARGE STRETCHES OF A-ROADS TO ONE LANE AT RUSH HOUR IN YOUR TEN MILE MORNING COMMUTE ON THE EARLIEST BUS YOU CAN REALISTICALLY CATCH?

THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE 6 TIMES THIS YEAR. NEXT TIME I WILL FIRE YOU AND NOBODY WILL WANT TO HIRE YOU WHEN THEY HEAR YOU HAVE POOR PUNCTUALITY. I DON'T CARE THAT ONE OF THOSE TIMES WAS 43 SECONDS AND IT'S NEVER BEEN OVER TEN MINUTES AND THERE WAS ALWAYS A REASONABLE EXCUSE, IT STILL COUNTS AS A LATE AND IT MEANS I CAN TREAT YOU LIKE YOU CAME IN AN HOUR LATE BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO PLAY XBOX FOR LONGER.

NO, OF COURSE YOU CANNOT JUST WORK FOR LONGER AT THE END OF THE DAY WHENEVER IT HAPPENS WITHIN REASON, NO INITIATIVE ALLOWED. THE ARBITRARY PROTOCOLS SAY THIS AND THAT AND IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE ANYWAY BECAUSE WE HAVE TO FOLLOW THEM.

I mean, fucking hell. It's not like I'm on shift work behind a till, it shouldn't even matter when I start and finish. I'd do it at night time if they'd let me.

When I used to work in a foundry (IN A FACTORY! REMEMEBER THEM? BRITISH PEOPLE ACTUALLY MAKING THINGS TO SELL! HARD TO BELIEVE I KNOW) The office seemed like an unreachable wonderland. Just sitting about all day in a clean quiet envitronment sipping in comfy chairs with no actual physical labour. No constant clanging of metal together in extreme heat, repetetive heavy labour and going home black faced like a fucking coal miner every day. Cannily I managed to use their training budget to get an A level at evening classes for free on a one year course and then fucked off to uni as a mature student with my shiny new A grade in English lit before they shut the place down and fucked off to China.

During the summer breaks a succession of temping at offices began and suddenly my days of banging bits of metal together seemed like halcyon days of employment in comparison. The sour faced 100 yard stares of the 50+ accounts workers who had spent the last 30 years banging at a calculator slowly waiting for retirement, pension and then death. Staring at the same fucking faces saying the same shit everyday, the pointless un-eneding paperwork and form filling, the already mentioned pointless bickering about parking spaces, the fucking awful tasting tea and coffee machines and the accompanying mini rows about whose turn it was to get the teas/coffees/hot choclolates from the machine. Everyone getting excited if they were bringing in a buffet for some pointless meeting full off bullshit management doublespeak, flow charts and stupid acronyms purely because of the chance of a free sausage roll or whatever.

The only brightside at one of my office jobs was the Gareth character, his constant wearing of WWF wrestling t-shirts on dress down Friday was always a great sense of amusement, as well as dialling his extention number on all the fax machines in the office, putting them on repeat and then watching him exploding with rage after the 50th call of fax whining noise. Also he had a hideous whale like girlfriend who worked there and the building suffered from sick building syndrome or whatever it's called and the nice Indian lady who worked in our group got stuck in the lift with them for half an hour while he not so discretely started fingering her while they waited for the lift to be fixed much to our mirth and merriment and her disgust. Also to break the monotony we'd engage in pranks on our friends in the office by smearing the earpiece of their phone on the stamp ink or margarine whilst they were away from their desk and then ring them up and hang up after a few minutes or dismantle their mouse and stick it to the desk.

Whilst I was at uni i got a part time job working at a pub and for the first time in my life actually started enjoying going to work and have worked in 'the pub game' as we like to call it ever since. Sure I have plenty of gripes and annoyances about the work, but I do on the whole enjoy my work and the main gripe I have really is working in social/working mens clubs and the utter morons who usuallly end up on t'committee. Pubs wise as well as long as your not working in wetherspoons or some chain like that (might as well be working at McDonalds) The worst thing you have to do is dealling with the chavs, drunken morons or facing up to wannabe 'gangster' types who think they run the fucking place and identifying and chucking out any pikeys when they start chancing their arm and try coming in, but that is pretty easy if you have the physical presence and bollocks to stand up to them.

Secret santa.

Whoever decided it was a good idea should be shot.

>>2524

Just get something passive-aggressive like a dieting book.

>>2525
So far I'm torn between a supercar calendar and whisky stones.

Whatever I get will be shit, but it beats the shit on http://www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/christmas-gifts/christmas-gifts-for-men.html?gclid=CO_b3Yrc66wCFWEntAod2kMQ9A

>>2526

I can tell before even clicking that the gift ideas will be monumentally retarded.

If someone gave me a choice, I'd ask for a new hard drive for my computer.

>>2526

Actually that site does have some decent stuff at good prices.

I just found myself a slanket for wanking reading in during the long cold winter nights, and it cost less than just about anywhere else I've seen them.

>>2526
If it's anonymous, get something utterly retarded, such that while the receiver gets fuck all, everyone else benefits from a good laugh. Bonus if they're emotionally unstable and start crying.

Past Ideas used:
-2 cans of Thomas the tank engine spaghetti shapes.(crying bonus)
-A cardboard box filled with baked beans for the arrogant cunt who thought everyone loved him.

>>2529

>-2 cans of Thomas the tank engine spaghetti shapes.(crying bonus)

Someone cried at that? Explain.

>>2524
Mate of mine tells me that where he works they've put a stop to it this year. Instead, they're clubbing together to buy presents for a charity that gives them out to poor kids.

I've had a word with a few people at work and they've suggested that I get him either a bottle of port or something Porsche related as he's obsessed with them.

I don't even know why I'm worried about it so much; I'm not that keen on the recipient and I'm probably going to receive a Topman gift voucher or an FCUK bodyspray gift set.

>>2524

Pff. Just go to the shops, spend a fiver on sweets, and wrap it up so it's shaped like a stocking. 's what I did

>>2540
>Topman gift voucher or an FCUK bodyspray gift

Every fucking Christmas.
Every fucking young man in Britain.

Every fucking time.

>>2550
Lynx or Adidas sets for me.

>>2551
I received this last year, but that's because my girlfriend's dad is incredibly tight and spotted them for about £1.50 at a market.

>>2552
I think I remember you posting this as your entry in last years .gs' "Who got the shittest Christmas present" thread

>>2552
I've given that to an Uncle this year.

The hyperactive guy who's just soooo lolrandom funny that he can't help but tell everyone in the vicinity whatever mental detritus wanders in. "(Typical moan about typical day, sarcasm), ah, it's great here isn't it? Hahahah". Every. Fucking. Day.

You are not funny. I could ignore your mind-numbing prattling but after three hours of it, in an afternoon where I am trying to fix the work you never do, and when I really don't need to be reminded where I am, you are reminding me where I am. Stop bobbing your knee, you fucking spastic.

HNGGG. Multiple versions of this. Why me.

>>2552

Ha, they're in Poundland.

>>2597

This is basically me. Sorry lad, I'm just really lonely and haven't had friends for the longest time.

>>2601
I doubt you're the same, because I'm sure they wouldn't have recognised it if I'd shoved that post in their face.

Anyway look, I'm not some aspie where every verbal exchange needs to be factual and concise or it's a terrible burden - I don't mind a natter, honest. But when I'm staring intently at a screen and have pointedly and abruptly shut down the previous fifteen inane conversations with increasingly blunt answers I expect the hint to be taken. But no, fucking Zebedee and his knee are making my monitor shake and he's there singing gibberish to himself and announcing to the world what he's doing in a step by step fashion. God, just shut up. We don't all have to sit in silence, but not all thoughts need to be verbalised either.

Am I coming across as a curmudgeonly cunt? Because it certainly feels that way.

>>2602

Oh. This isn't me after all, then. I know somebody like this though. He's called Mike. He has bad breath and has no concept of personal space and frequently gets too close for comfort.

I used to work in an elderly persons home. I found it really hard to cope with the constant bitching and polotics that would go on behind everyones back. I didnt befriend any particular group and would float around somewhat independently, hearing from everyone about how much the other staff suck and what they've done recently thats pissed others off and all that bollocks. Piggy in the middle, really. I was very uncomfortable for the 2 years i was there and as a method of coping i made a route and routine that i tried to stick to, constantly on the move so i wouldnt have to engage my coworkers, most of the time ending up in the kitchen where i would wash my hands every time. It soon spread like wildfire that i spent far too much time in the kitchen and "he doesnt stop eating, does he?". A lot of the time i'd walk in on them talking about me and in my infinite youthful wisdom would just let it pass. Fucking bitches.

The majority of the other carers all used the wrong lifts to aid the residents, argue with them and basically seem to make it as horrible as possible experience for them without actually violating them. Then they would talk about me behind my back complaining that i sit and talk with the residents too much or too little, i dont do any work etc when im doing exactly what im hired for, to improve the quality of life of these old people.

>>2625
>I used to work in an elderly persons home.
I know of a girl who did the same. She had to stick her hand up someone's arse to help a poo come out and an old woman asked her to shave her fanny for her.

>>2625
>>2626

Fucks sake if I ever get stuck into one of those I am going to slap somebody with my ape-like fists.

>>2617
I knew a Mike from work. Nice lad. Problem is he always spoke about video games. I like video games. I've been playing video games for the majority of my life. It's my favourite thing in life. I just didn't like how he kept talking about them when I'm doing work. However he got sacked for sitting around and doing nothing. To be honest I miss him.

I suppose the girl at work I keep trying to talk to thinks I'm annoying. My social skills are rubbish and I will tend to blurt out things rather than have a normal conversation where you move from topic to topic in a smooth flow.

>>2636

My mike talked about Magic: The Gathering instead of video games.

>>2550 >>2551
The secret santa box was shaped like a Lynx gift set, but fortunately it turned out to be a few bottles of Erdinger and a pint glass.

My brother received two large 'best pub joke ever' books from his secret santa, so it could have been a lot worse.

>>2640
A tenner in a box for me.

>>1795
Bosses / co workers who want you to do things their way NOT because their way is more optimal but just to suit their ego, even if lets slower/less ecomonical.

>>2667
There are times when doing things a bit differently is a good idea, and then there are times when it's a really, really bad idea. Predictably, most people with the "boss" mindset don't know one from the other.

>>2529

For the Secret Santa I had in a class in school one year (thankfully the only fucking Secret Santa I have ever had to take part in) I got my person a pencil which I then wrapped in some wrapping paper.

Working in retail has taught me customers are arseholes. Particularly when I'm putting stock out. They don't even see you. I observed some customers and they will happily move out the way of other customers but not staff. I dislike the ones who don't put stock back where it was. I'm not expecting them to put it in the same exact spot but when I see a book in the middle of the floor I wonder whether they're doing it on purpose. If you're one of those people who will treat me like another human and move when I'm carrying a stack of heavy encyclopaedias then thank you.

Also children. I've almost knee'd some of them because I didn't see them running across the shop floor right in front of me.

>>2674
>I dislike the ones who don't put stock back where it was.
When I was having my Tesco induction I'd spent a short while replenishing the yoghurt shelves when a monstrous blob of a woman bounded in, clumsily bundled most of the yoghurt pots into the middle of the aisle with her huge sausage fingers, picked up some that had a slightly longer (by a couple of days) best before date and fucked off.

I'd say I'm surprised that they didn't sack me for calling her a fat cow, but I used to work with a Portuguese fellow whom would regularly walk around the shop floor chanting 'fuck Tesco!' with one arm aloft and he was never in trouble for it.

I always make it a point to take the day off on my birthday. Surely I can't be alone?
Thank fuck it lands on a Saturday this year. Might just have the Friday off to be sure.

Primark...

There seems to be two schools of thought when customers decide they don't want the previously folded item they're currently holding. There are unashamed droppers and conscientious folders. Conscientious folders are the more tedious because you have to dredge up some plastic gratitude when they "thought I'd fold it up and save you a job". 15 seconds later you'll have to redo it properly, but bless them. At least with unashamed droppers we know where we stand; there are no feelings at stake and so long as the store is somewhat messy they're helping to keep me in a job.

Surprisingly hard to find something to moan about with Primark though. Average pay for a retail monkey, reliable employer, and even the clientele are more agreeable than I'd anticipated.

I may have diverged from the point of this thread, so here's a general annoyance: "it's just not good enough". The go-to refrain of a shitty argument with a low level supervisor.
None of your item in stock ---> "it's just not good enough is it?"
No extra large carrier bags left ---> "it's just not good enough is it?"
Soiled underwear can't be returned ---> "IJNGEII?"
I'm afraid we don't take American Express ---> "IJNGEII?"
Sorry, for refunds you need to go to customer services---> "IJNGEII?"
We can't trade on a Sunday till 11am due to the Sunday Trading Act 1994 ---> "No, that's not on, you're going to have to serve me now".

I work as an intermediary.

Thing breaks, user tells me it's broke, I tell the developers that it needs fixed.

In this relationship, I am the lowest member. I will get shit from the customer because THING IS BROKE and that I should FIX IT FASTER even though I can't fix it. I get shit from the developers because THE REPORT ISN'T IN THE CORRECT FORMAT because there isn't enough info from the user to put it in the CORRECT FORMAT because all the information they have supplied is THING IS BROKE.

>>2677
That post...

It's just not good enough is it.

>>2683

Also bonus of the THING BREAKING a lot because the developers don't know what they are doing.

>>2677

>There seems to be two schools of thought when customers decide they don't want the previously folded item they're currently holding. There are unashamed droppers and conscientious folders.

I found that the droppers came in two formats: floor droppers and desk droppers. I preferred desk droppers. You are supposed to just refold floored clothes unless they are fucked up but I always folded them anyway.

God, fuck Primark. It was 4 weeks of wandering around looking for the specific place to put some dress and always getting caught dumping it by the same east asian girl who was pretty fit but clearly thought I was a twat because I appeared to always be dumping the clothes. And then I'd get yelled at for taking too long even though the night team changed the layout every fucking day so I never knew where anything was. And they didn't turn on the heating until the shop opened at 11 on the sunday so I was in a thin black shirt in -4 degree temperature... they wouldn't even let us wear the fleeces that the people in the back got.

HELLO. I AM A RESTAURANT CUSTOMER.

I am sending this plaice back because it has bones in it. Somehow this has surprised me, even though fifteen minutes ago the waitress told me twice it was served on the bone. When you carefully salvage what boneless meat you can I will then complain to a manager about how I don't think there's enough meat on my plate. I will then get a huge discount and a free dessert, after which I will go home and post a review on yelp complaining about the portion sizes.

Also, next time I visit I will pick something from your prix fixe menu, for example, the hamburger, because I have no imagination, and then I will ask to substitute half of the dish with a la carte items. I will become indignant when you do not allow me to swap chips for a pavé steak at no additional cost.

TL;DR - customers who don't listen and can't read.

>>2692
I always think it's nicely chilly on a Sunday prior to opening. Then the thousands of fucking customers come in saying "ohhhh it's bloody hot in here, can't wait to get out", it's you people that are making the hot, stop perspiring so much.

>clearly thought I was a twat because I appeared to always be dumping the clothes.
I work on menswear so don't often have to venture down into the cesspit of humanity they like to call 'womenswear', but it's always hellish, I can empathise. I got caught recently trying to dump a load of returns, but I think the supervisor genuinely thought I was too retarded to distinguish between a black dress and a black dress with polka-dots; got let off with a friendly warning.

Also: fucking onesies...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSlzdtsBpO4

My uni has a job offer doing tele-begging for donations from alumni. +20% better pay and better hours, but I think I'd miss Primark :/. Anyone done the charity tele-sales thing? Is it as shit as one imagines?

>>2692
>And they didn't turn on the heating until the shop opened at 11 on the sunday so I was in a thin black shirt in -4 degree temperature...

There are laws against this thing, crossdresserlad.

>>2705

>I always think it's nicely chilly on a Sunday prior to opening

This was back in Early 2011 though, when all that snow came down. They also cancelled the buses so I had to walk about 2 miles to get to the nearest bus stop to actually get in. Wasn't worth it, not even for the £7 an hour or whatever it was they were paying.

Speaking of cold work environments my place (shop) has this too.

Apparently head office get awfully cross if you leave the front door closed even if it's freezing or it's windy. This is only a little store too. Every person I speak to always says there's something wrong with their head office. It's like all the head offices/headquarters don't have a clue about reality.

>>2716

They have a clue all right, it's simply that in their view the likes of you are serfs who ought to gratefully freeze for your minimum wage.

>>2722
>it's simply that in their view the likes of you are serfs
This.
When I used to work in M&S, the most idiotic "well it's just not good enough is it" was from a mare who apparently worked in the M&S head office. She came storming to the front of a 10 person queue shouting about how there shouldn't be such a lengthy queue in an M&S store. "...and why on earth are you the only person serving on these tills?" :/

If you can't work out that that shouting at staff isn't appropriate in-front of customers, and that this is a conversation to have with a manager, not a 17 year old till assistant; do you really have the mental faculties for a head-office job? She then wanted to be served first because she was 'busy' and got out her staff discount card.

Equally as stupid was when they used to send down head office people to do till work at peak times. Obviously their perspective was that this is easy grunt work, so they'd speed through it, get stressed, forget to do something like give change, and take twice as long.

Educated fools.

>>2724
>She then wanted to be served first because she was 'busy' and got out her staff discount card.
Up to this point, typical frustrating I'm-the-boss shit, but that really is a fucking joke. What aggravates me the most about this is that I bet in her mind she was completely justified in queue-jumping, because in her mind everyone else is "little people". It smacks of that particular brand of self-important horse-faced bitch that we've all had to deal with at some time or another.

I'm not having a dig at women, incidentally, men do it too (just with haughty indignation rather than nasal contempt).

>>2727

I've found that the mentality you identify is not the preserve of management - indeed, self-employed people and freelancers are among the biggest divas, while those "lifestyle coaches" and "social media consultants" and other people with faintly intangible professions are the most likely to sneer at people with, y'know, real lives and real jobs.

The problem with all head offices is that they see things in terms of profit, figures, research, initiatives, units etc etc. They make little allowance for the humanity of their staff, or for variations between different branches and their surrounding areas and populations. When this shortcoming is highlighted, they see it as an indication that they need MORE INFORMATION, MORE SCRUTINY, more fucking hot air being blown about, more directives, guidelines, incentives, appraisals, audits, inspections, feedback and and other horse shit, when all that's really needed is to TRUST the lower-level employees to make the customers happy. Let staff have some degree of autonomy, let them give the people what they want, the way they want it, and forget all the fine print of company policy. So long as the big picture remains intact that can only be a good thing. A lot of the time, things get too specific, too fine a point on everything because some paper-shuffler has to justify their existence.

I work for a popular London pub chain. my big gripe is that there's no challenge in the work, no prospects. I'm pretty certain I could manage an entire pub by now, given the correct information, but I've not been trained in ANYTHING at all. I've not even been certified as being able to pull a decent pint of bitter. I know how to change beer barrels, but I'm not permitted to do it because I haven't done a fucking course in cellar management or whatever it is. And the biggest pisstake? No bonuses or overtime ever. I worked christmas eve, christmas day and boxing day for £6.08 an hour. Minimum wage. The smallest amount of money they could legally pay me. Cunts. I mean why don't we do away with this half-assed insult of a wage and I'll just bend over and they can fuck me up the arse properly? MERRY CHRISTMAS.

There are some great things about it, it's not all complaints, but it wouldn't take much to make it really fantastic job, and that makes it all the more frustrating that it isn't. Considering the company has seen recent growth and expansion taking on new pubs, you'd think they might have the odd copper lying about to sling to the bar-monkeys for being the face of their company and actually taking in the millions of pounds they made over the festive season. The front-line staff are more important than anyone else in the company. Without people like me, they wouldn't sell a single pint, we make the business actually happen - and yet whenever anyone from head office visits we're barely glanced at, let alone asked our opinions or even our names. We're not even deemed intelligent enough to be responsible for our own mistakes - if we fuck up, it's the assistant managers fault, and if he fucks up it's the manager's fault, it's bollocks.

sorry this is so bloody long

>>2693
People like that should be tied to a chair and have their teeth chipped out with a blunt chisel.

>>2724
Oh yeah that's true, I remember saying hello to a young bloke in a shirt and tie from head office putting out the fruit salads in the run-up to Christmas. As I was relatively new I asked him a question and he said he didn't have a clue either. At least he seemed to admit he was in over his head though.

Zenoslad here. Recently we have been training from 9 - 12.30 and then jobseeking from 1.30 - 4.15. The network, being much too shit to actually handle the amount of people accessing it, crawls during 1.30 - 4, so what the head office decided to do once notified of the problem was let our floor get on the Internet from 1.30 to 3 and then let the other floor get it from 3 - 4.15.

My suggestion, which was suggested to someone who would have to suggest it to someone who would have to suggest it to someone who would have to suggest it to someone, was to allow our floor to jobseek from 9 - 12.30 and train in the afternoon, and do the opposite for the other floor. This would reduce load and allow people to access the Internet when required.

We're not doing that, because (and I quote) "That's just the way it is, and it would be too difficult to reschedule the timetable."

That first one is a poor excuse for anything and that second one is bollocks because it really just is a case of "What shall we do now then? That? Okay." But no, we get to 3pm and all of a sudden the proxy is refusing every single connection from our floor. Doesn't matter if you were doing stuff. Doesn't matter that we have to edit a CV for an hour and a half every day even though I literally have nothing else to say in it and am dangerously close to waffling as is and then can't even email it to myself because they don't allow the Internet again until the next morning. And worst of all, worst of bloody all, this new classroom they tossed us in - unlike the old one - is borrowed from a teacher who actually disabled the USB ports, so we can't even put a VM on the server and LAN counterstrike with my friends like we used to.

All in all, I don't get the bloody nitpickery and autism displayed in the corporate environment. Maybe I will group together with some of the people in my class and start our own PC repair company and use common sense and probably go bust because people only want corporate-brand pretend™ common sense and not actual common sense. Sage for my immense amount of bumpains at how stupid and incompetent everyone on this course has got in the last week.

And almost nobody has a placement either. They keep sending out notification emails in size 60 font looking for people who need C and PHP knowledge. And I keep getting bloody ignored when I email the work person my own findings. I only want to do it because those BTEC assignments were a chore enough for me to want something tangible out of them. Maybe I will fuck their framework off and move to Sweden.

>>2716
me again

minus fucking 5 and head office demanded we keep the doors open. Do they have no fucking sympathy?

>>2750
Just close it and deny all knowledge if challenged.

>>2750
There are laws against this kind of thing, lad.

>>2750
Follow these simple instructions buddy

>>2750
Phone Greenpeace and tell them how much energy your head office policy is wasting.

>>2752
Name them.

It's going to be minus 12 tomorrow and I want some info on specific laws which say you cannot leave the door open on a cold day.

>>2755
The Workplace (Health, Safety and Welfare) Regulations 1992

>>2756
I can see a guideline on maximum temperatures (16 Celsius or 13 Celsius for strenuous work) but nothing about minimum temperatures.

I'll keep this in mind though. Most officials seem to stop and think about it when you just mention the name of a law/act/regulation

>>2757
13c is cold. 16c is also cold. Room temperature is 20-25c, usually 22c or so.

>>2758
I should clarify; I mean to point out that that is a silly maximum temperature.

>>2758>>2759
Oh dear I've made a mistake. Those aren't maximums or minimums.

It's the temperature which is considered reasonable. There's no maximum or minimum. There's no real law saying "don't allow your employees to work in a freezer without a coat". This is all common sense which is something head office don't have.

Any other laws/acts/regulations on the well-being of a worker?

>>2760
Just close the fucking door and be done with it.

>>2772
... and then blame it on a customer.

My mum used to go around shut shop's doors for them when she thought they were wasting too much heat. Terribly embarrassing to be around, but exactly the sort of behavior you could benefit from.

>>2773
I like your mum.

People using my fucking tools and not cleaning and returning them when they're finished.

>>2778
At one of my previous jobs I lent a fat bint one of my pens and she absent-mindedly started chewing the end of it.

>>2779

Hope she unknowingly ingested some of the ink as well.

>>2778

This, every job I've ever had has brought me at least one cunt who will borrow something of mine without even asking then leave it on their desk/station. Then you have to hunt around for it for ten minutes then you find it and it's covered in matter.

There's always one cunt at my current job who will use my knives without asking. He is french (aren't they always) and pretends to not understand english so I have to scream "mon couteau" at him and he just shrugs. I would stab him, but he has my knife.

>>2781
Made this for you

>>2782

You have truly brightened my day. This is getting printed out and stuck on my station. Thank you.

>workplace annoyances
People with "hilarious" jokes on the walls, corny wisecracks about how rubbish it is to work wherever they're working. One below motivational posters in my estimation.

>>2782
Stephen Lawrence approves.

>>2784
>People with "hilarious" jokes on the walls, corny wisecracks about how rubbish it is to work wherever they're working. One below motivational posters in my estimation.

< I used to have this up above my computer. Then I forgot to take it with me when I left.

>>2786
Technically I guess that's both, so I hate you twice.

Though really I meant the authentic motivational pictures, the ones like "PERSISTENCE: Everyone falls, only the great get back up and climb again" with the silhouette of a rock climber against a sunset or some shit like this. At my last job a head of department had some in his office, they were obviously inkjet printouts though, which diminished the impression of success somewhat. He was friendly to me but a bit of a cunt by all accounts, and a raving Welsh nationalist. I also knew a Greek lad in uni who had some on the wall in his room (non-ironically, if you can believe that). He was also a bit of a cunt, and kept trying to knob my mate despite her knocking him back in increasingly less polite ways; that seems to be a bit of a thing with Greek lads, though.

>>2787

If shitskins are going to study in this country, at least make them stay in one special uni. Maybe SOAS.

>>2786
No to steer the conversation in the other but I'm pretty sure the whole "takes more muscles to frown than smile" is complete bollocks in the same way people who say "you only use 10% of your brain".

Optimism is fine but don't try and make up facts which are in fact not facts at all.

>>2788
We'll have to disagree there, Greek dickhead aside most of my mates at uni were foreigners, and the few cases of real aggro I encountered involved Brits. And physiotherapy, weirdly; you'd think potential physiotherapists would know better than to get into physical altercations.

You should see the fees the foreign students pay for the privilege of studying here, fucking nuts it is.

I've become so jaded to demotivationals and their layout being appropriated for any caption on the Internet that I actually quite like motivationals now.

>>2782

Looks like someone needs to brush up on their diversity training, eh?

Having to write in greetings cards at work.

It's bad enough having to come up with some variation of 'have a good one!' when it's writing birthday cards for someone in the office, but someone's dad died at the weekend, so we all had to write in a sympathy card for her. If you're one of the first two people writing you can get away with 'thinking of you' or 'sorry to hear about your loss', but everyone else is fucked if they don't want to sound like you're repeating what everyone else has put. There were people sat with their head in their hands for ages trying to come up with something original and others were looking on Google for something to put.

>>2976
I used to just stick my initials. I was a temp in a factory with 300 people, i never actually got asked to put anything in a card for anyone i'd met.

>>2976

Protip: her dad's just died, she doesn't give a shit about whether you made an original comment in her sympathy card. Just sign the cunt and move on with your life.

>>2978
Actually people do.

I once wrote "whoops" in very tiny letters in one of those sympathy cards. There were so many messages (it was the boss and this was a large company). I had never met the boss because I was only there for a week which is why I was surprised when I was given the card to sign despite my protests. I was on work experience and a rather edgy 15 year old. I was in the middle of making cups of tea when she came storming in demanding who put that in the card. She was violent. Throwing cups, pens, saying she'll write the same thing in THEIR sympathy card because she'd throw them off the roof.

I have to stress that there was almost no way you can notice that little message in that short a time. I always assumed people just take a quick glance over the messages and then put it on the mantel.

I hate the phrases: "Going forward" and "We'll touch base soon". The latter sounds like a euphemism and by boss can just fuck off about the former.

When a boss goes "we need to get x done, don't we?" when they know they play absolutely no role at all in getting x done. We're not doing it, I am. You prick.

They always seem to tell you to do the thing about three milliseconds before you're about to go and do it, too, so it looks like you forgot or weren't going to do it until they reminded you. This is why I loudly announce my entire work plan to all colleagues, so they know I'm onto them.

People who are proud of how useless they are with a computer.

"I don't hate computers, they just hate me!!!"

>>2982
My last boss had a particular verbal habit. I'm hesitant to mention the specifics, because it was fairly distinctive and we get good Google here, but nevertheless her overuse of this particular word was parodied whenever she was out of earshot, to the point that when she was away for a fortnight on business, we put it on a sign on the office door.

Clipstrips

>>3049

Mine said 'obviously' an awful lot. I started counting once; every time he said obviously I would stick a strike in a text document. I got to 183 in a fortnight.

The Big Boss at my place always says 'reem'. Nobody even knew what it meant until that TV show popularised it. He'd say something like "this menu you've done, it's reem mate" and I wouldn't know whether to thank him or apologize.

>>3049

>>3043
You don't get to complain about this unless you've worked in IT (not saying you haven't, it's a fairly techy crowd around here).

I could not count how many times I've heard "computers hate me", but it still manages to tick off my little inner autist. Computers don't hate anything. I'm going to do my best to help you out, I will be polite and friendly and endeavour in all ways to be the model opposite of the smelly, socially retarded neckbeard that typifies the average PC repair guy, but for the love of God, just admit that you're not good with computers - not the other way around. And please try not to act so fucking proud of that fact.

While we're on the topic:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/I-Dont-Read/111518022199801

>>3101

Jesus fucking christ.

>>3104
ah old people.


When you work in a charity shop that's your main customer right there. Just last Saturday one bloke came in and as loud as he could shouted about how he was stuck in his house for 5 weeks then wandered off without even buying/browsing the wares. Also there's only so many beards on women I can manage. I mean these are full on beards that rival my own.

>>3105
Let's not forget "single dole mum" taking advantage of the "4 for £1" offer on VHS tapes, regularly coming in buying PG and U tapes as a kind of ersatz-nanny.

>>3106
We don't sell VHS videos anymore.

Probably why I don't see any of these single dole mums. For DVDs the only DVD you can get for a quid is those work out ones with Davina McCall or 100 Greatest Goals commentated by David Seamen.

Oh that reminds me. People who come in to declare that they can get something cheaper at a different charity shop than ours. Well go there then? The only differences between here and there is that we won't put out clothing with blood and piss all over it and we'll check every CD and DVD for scratches. We're the M&S of charity shops.

>>3108

They're almost certainly lying in hope that you'll lower your prices for them. It's a charity shop so they think the prices are negotiable, a bit like at a car-boot sale.

>>3109
Am I the only person who finds this attitude just a little bit horrible? "I'm sorry, what? This is a shop that raises money for people with cancer and heart defects, and you want a discount on something that costs £3?"

Just. Fuck. Off. Don't even get me started on the shoplifters.

>>3110
>shoplifters

I don't want to believe this. Fucking hell.

>>3111
You'd better. Some little pikey scrote even nicked the charity jug thing for spare change one day...

>>3115
Unfortunately, it seems that's nothing new.
https://www.youtube.com/v/9qLV4fiI4ps

>>3108
BHF right?

>>3115
We had a trouser man. Arms covered in needle marks he'd come in take 4 pairs of trousers to the changing room put them all on under his original baggy pair and walk out.

Didn't dare confront him because we enjoyed being alive but found offering him help and having everyone watch would make him leave.

also BHF are overpriced, all shops (should) put out clean stuff.

>>3120>>3121
BHF take the piss. £4 for a pre owned cd thats goes for £1.99 on ebay.

>People who come in to declare that they can get something cheaper at a different charity shop than ours.
Pure class. Haggling at a charity shop, honest to God. Some people are unbelievable.

What did you say to that? I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face I think.

>>3120
Yup

>>3122
What kind of CD? It's very rare a CD should go out for £3.99. Those are only reserved for very recent CDs that are popular that aren't donated often. It's like the holy grail of CDs for us. Even compilation CDs rarely go above £2.99.

>>3110
I had a great time at my shop on Saturday. Shoplifters aren't that bad but it's the fuckers who break into the alleyway where you put our rubbish out. They don't even nick anything they just open all the bags up and trash the place. The lock on the door has been broken so many times that sometimes we leave the alley unlocked. They break in at least once a week and do this. Landlord won't do fuck all and 99% of solutions I can think of have been shot down due to 'elf and safety nonsense.

>>3123
You get used to it just like any job. You just smile and nod. Sometimes I come into work completely oblivious to what customers are saying. One man came in and saw a glass vase that we put out and told me it was cracked. I was so out of of it I didn't get the hint which is obvious as fuck. I just said "oh well that happens unfortunately" when really I should have said "oh dear, thank you for telling me I shall put it away so no one can buy it"


Not sure how other charity shops deal with staff discount but BHF offers a 25% one which is pretty damn good. Can't use it on new stock mind you (birthday cards for example. Yes I buy all my birthday cards from BHF. 99p is a bargain these days with the way cards cost now)

>Not sure how other charity shops deal with staff discount but BHF offers a 25% one which is pretty damn good.
Don't you get to pick freebies out from whatever comes in? Within reason. Actually maybe that's a bit like haggling in a charity shop, only worse.

Probably not, then.

As a workplace annoyance I'll add the slightly scary alcoholic who came into our IT shop pish drunk mid-afternoon and asked if we repaired PS3s (we don't), mumbled for a few minutes about DVDs, games and how much they cost these days, and then asked if we buy PS3s second hand. Even with the display desk and counter between me and him, the sour, ethanol smell was overpowering. We did not buy his PS3 that day, despite apparently incongruous assurances that it was working fine.

>>3133
>Don't you get to pick freebies out from whatever comes in?
As far as I'm aware, that would be somewhere between misappropriation and outright theft.

>>3133>>3134
Nope you don't get freebies.

I wasn't allowed to price stuff up until after a few month, same goes with other volunteers. The amount of people who scam and cheat charity shops goes beyond just shoplifters. Hell just on Friday we got a phone call about someone who had apparently been working in our shop for the last 8 months but none of us knew anything about him. That's pretty minor but there's been a history of staff pocketing petty cash, fixing prices so they can get stuff for cheaper, stealing stock and there was even one case where someone worked at one shop so he could get his mates to "break in" and steal everything. The stock in charity shops may be cheap but with the right people they could make off with a fortune and justify it with "oh well it's not like they paid for the stock either".

So yeah, we don't get freebies. We do however get to bagsy stuff within reason. You can't just say "I want this large box of DVDs". A book or DVD here and there is acceptable.

>>3131
>Sometimes I come into work completely oblivious to what customers are saying
Eh? Now you're the one being a bit of a prat.

>>3136
True. But my job there is mainly tagging, sorting through books/DVDs/CDs/Games and not being on the shop floor. Never been on the till. I'm really not the sort of person who should work retail but that's all there is these days.

Also about haggling in charity shops. While we do get hagglers we get "regulars" who know when something has been out for more than a couple of weeks. It's really scary when you've got multiple customers saying specific books have been out for ages when I can't even remember putting them out. These are older people with memories worse than my own too.

>>3137

Imagine being a regular at a charity shop. Just imagine.

>>3138
I'm... I'm probably a regular. There are nine in my town and I check around them pretty often, it probably works out at once a week or so. I've found lots of interesting CDs and records and picked up some good older videogames, and every now and then there's a shirt or jumper that isn't hideous.

I don't keep a mental note of what is for sale at each, though. I wouldn't have thought it possible to be honest.

I love going into charity shops and laughing at the vinyl on offer.

>>3142
BHF don't sell them anymore. Same with cassette tapes (with the exception of maybe audio books), games before the PS1 era (and cartridge except for gameboy games but I tend to toss them out as the internal battery is dead if it's a game that has a save feature). We don't do and media that pretty much died such as betamax and HD DVD. Of course VHS we no longer sell. We're relatively hip for a charity shop.

However we got bags full of old Beano and Dandy comics. Oldest was only in 1992 so they weren't too valuable. There must have been at least 500 comics. We put maybe 200 out in a bag (I can't remember what we priced it at but it was definitely less than a fiver) and within an hour they were gone.

Probably on ebay by now. One bloke bought 20 CDs and 10 DVDs. You can tell who's an ebayer on that basis alone.

>>3143
>One bloke bought 20 CDs and 10 DVDs. You can tell who's an ebayer on that basis alone.
Not always. There's a guy I know who regularly raids the charity shops for CDs and vinyl. He's a hospital DJ. He showed me a stack of NOW compilations that he'd picked up for something like a pound apiece.

>>3144
Hah we just throw those NOW comps away.

Just like how all Jeremy Clarkson books are sent to "rag".

>>3143
Why not sell old games?
Sure if it's Fifa 96 bin it. But there are plenty of old SNES & Megadrive greats.

>>3146
How often do you think old SNES and Megadrive greats turn up?

>>3147
When I was volunteering a couple of years back at a local shop, we had a great load of gaming stuff come in. Megadrives, Mega CD's, SNES's etc.

They do come in, but the majority of better stuff is on ebay now. It's just the odd loft clearance / kids moved out so chuck his stuff without asking parents.

I work in Spar.

They want me to come in, sign in and be ready to start work 15, yes fifteen, minutes BEFORE I am scheduled to start working. Now I have no problem with arriving at work 5 minutes early so that I can be signed in and all ready to start working at the exact time at which I am scheduled to begin work, the exact time that I will be payed from.

Now ok, that just a bit annoying, but it gets worse.

They want me to be working until exactly the time I scheduled to work (thats totally fine, obviously), but then they want me to cash up my til in my own time! What the fuck? Did it for the first time yesterday, and It took 17 minutes. I hope it will speed up to the "3 minutes" that they tell me it should take. First time cashing up (new policy) so obviously a little slower as learning.

Again thats not really all that bad (if it really will only take 3 minutes in the future), but I already have to work an extra 10 minutes as I work evening shift so have to close the shop door at 11 (and not a second sooner or will be fired), and then take off the tills, lock them away and generally shut down and lock up the shop.

So to summarise: 15mins unpaid work before my shift technically starts, 10minutes unpaid work when we shut the shop down at the end of the day, and now an additional 10 minutes to cash our tills up. (Can only cash one till up at a time, 3 tills). So thats half an hour at least of unpaid work, every fucking shift.

Where do we stand legally here? I hear that its pretty common for you to have to do a few mins unpaid before/after your official shift times, but surely 30 minutes is taking the piss?

Am I being a baby about this? Ive worked there over a year, and these are "new policies" they are bringing in due to the shitfuck company (Crapper & Co) that used to own this Spar, being taken over by Blakemore CUNTS Limited.

Oh and to make matters worse, the S Budget Energy Drink that they used to get from Austria, is now being procured from an English manufacture, who has taken 5mg caffeine out (now 30mg/100ml when before it was 32mg/100ml) and they have fucked with the recipe in some other way which results in it being less flavoursome.

>>3150
>Where do we stand legally here? I hear that its pretty common for you to have to do a few mins unpaid before/after your official shift times, but surely 30 minutes is taking the piss?

Are you in a union?

>>3150
>>/acas/
08457 474747. If you're lazy, you could probably call them now and get a recorded message saying when they're open.

>>3151

No

>>3150

The lower you are down the food chain of most large organizations the shittier you are treated.
Might not be morally right but by and large its true

>>3150

Union lad. Join one. USDAW spring to mind. Once payment is through have a little chat with a union rep. Given as Spar are breaking quite a few laws hear, you will be fine. Union. Join.

>>3117

Why the hell is CCTV footage so fucking low quality?

STOP INFECTING ME WITH YOUR BASTARD GERMS.

>>3193
Because broadcast-quality cameras are fucking expensive.

>>3195

Could they just not leave a high-end webcam on?

>>3193
Lack of investment over the decades, combined with the ongoing need to minimise storage space. Additionally the need for cameras which work well in all lighting conditions also makes things harder.

They've improved a lot recently though.

Being caught in the middle of work politics. I don't care about your problems people. And it's unprofessional as fuck.

Being set unrealistic targets that cannot be achieved.

Promises being broken. Namely, "I'll certainly help you on that project you've been given no training on." No help arrived

>>3219
>Being caught in the middle of work politics. I don't care about your problems people.
Oh, this. I make this abundantly clear to people up front. I'm there to do a job, and that job is not helping you build a fucknig empire.

>>2518
This has really narked me off during the recent hot weather.

>>3150

Oh my god I thought it was just my store that was horrible to work in.

That said, it really shouldn't be taking you that long to cash up a till, you're only counting your change, taking out the excess and writing down a bunch of figures in a book. It only took me 5 minutes when I first started.

I know this will sound a bit silly, but try counting in different ways. The way I like to do it is to get a calculator and count each denomination, punch it in and add it up as I go. Just drop them in the compartment from your hand and count as you go.

One more thing, how can you have worked there for over a year and only have cashed up a till yesterday?

Elderly people should be banned from shopping between noon and 2pm. They have all week to shop, if I need to pop out during my lunch break then I don't want to get stuck in a great big tide of jam made out of old women.

>>3460
OK we'll make that happen, just for you, princess.

>>3461
Making sardonic posts in a thread about people's annoyances? N1 m8.

>>2520

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Flexibleworking/DG_10029491

You are allowed, by right, to apply for flexible working. They don't have to give it to you, but they have to properly respond (unless you have a statutory right to flexible working - in which case they pretty much have to let you).

So apply - and hope they don't even bother to respond properly. Then if/when they fire you for being late again, you can say you applied for flexible working and were refused and also that your application wasn't even properly considered. This will look great at an employment tribual when you sue them for constructive dismissal or similar. If you have even half a case, most employers will settle out of court (or be made to by their liability insurers). You can get legal aid or some form of legal asssistance to go through this process too.

It's got to be worth the time to write a letter to apply for flexible working hasn't it? 20 minutes work now might net you £10-15k in six months time!

Because the stupid fucking barstaff have either been stealing or simply not putting sales through properly, our bar is four grand down, which means now staff are no longer allowed to enjoy a nice cold - paid for - pint after work, or, in my case, a nice cold cuba libre during work. Luckily they haven't (yet) banned me from bringing in my own cans for the team to enjoy, as is the longstanding traditional staff incentive.

It may seem trivial but this sort of thing is bad for morale. And my theory is that outright banning people from even BUYING drinks from the bar after hours is only going to see even more money go missing. Because you can't leave evidence of PAYING for your beer, what else can you do but steal it?

>>3470
I took my girlfriend to a bar/restaurant for dinner today and the bill was about a tenner cheaper than I was expecting because they forgot to charge for drinks.

I'd feel guilty if they weren't charging £2.50 for Cola when it probably cost them ~20p.

>>3472

I feel it's duty to defend restaurant drink markups. They're there, in most cases, to subsidise your meal. All of the good stuff we serve in restaurants, the steaks, the salmon, the fresh vegetables, we make almost no profit on. Some things, lobster being one example, actually costs us money to serve. Overcook one Thermidor and you're in the red. Charging thirty quid for a ten quid bottle of wine is what keeps the restaurant afloat. We can do very clever things with food margins, but to deliver quality, we need people to buy the Bollinger every once in a while. I would say this is the last great restaurant secret, that selling food isnt very profitable, but I'm sure Bourdain has beat me to it.

>>3464
This might not last. The main reason employers like to settle ET cases is because unless they can prove to the satisfaction of the Tribunal that the claimant is taking the piss, the employer pays for the whole process and cannot reclaim their costs. The Tories predictably want to change this, and also want to restrict the right to be dismissed fairly to those with two years' service - which is convenient, given that in many places two years is what is required for "permanent" status.

Ever get that feeling that you do all the work when your managers do largely fuck all, in terms of hard graft?

>>3475
This would explain why kitchen staff are the most over worked and underpaid poor bastards I've ever met.

>>3483

Indeed. Though chefs do love to complain. I guarantee it's not as bad as they make out. A) nobody stays in kitchens if they don't, deep down, enjoy it, because its certainly not about the pay or the sociable hours, and B) the pay isn't as bad as some make out in most places. There's not a cook at my place who isn't on at least £9 an hour, and a 60 hour work week is not uncommon. And a lot of places have back of house tips, which adds another quid or two per hour. Restaurants have been forced recently to increase wages in a big way, to compete with places backed by trillionaires that can afford to poach chefs with lavish salaries. These places are doomed to fold from day one, but that is a different rant entirely.

Why do people keep asking me if I'm enjoying my job?

Whilst there are some lines of work with good satisfaction I have to say being a remedial worker in retail is not one of them. The worst is putting on a smiley façade for days you don't feel like smiling or saying much.

>>3478

I agree - it's cheaper for them to settle than to go through the process, even if they win. It is also easy to take the piss as a digruntled former employee. If I were made redundant or fired I'd chance my arm anyway. The worst that can happen is that your case is dismissed before a hearing.

I fully realsie it's "people with my attitude" that might mean an end to fair dismissal practices for thousands of workers with less than two years continuos service and I'm not proud. I was just advising the fellow ladmate what might be able to do to blag a few quids!

>>3486
>The worst that can happen is that your case is dismissed before a hearing.
The worst that can happen is that you're ordered to pay the Tribunal and your former employer for wasting their time.

>>3482

I do. I know I shouldn't, because even though I'm the one keeping everything in order and doing the daily grunt work, without the managers nobody would process the paperwork to pay me, to order more stuff for me to move about to continue being paid or stay on top of the latest company line so I don't get sacked for breaking the newest bullshit rule that only lasts a week before it gets scrapped.

Also there would be nobody to blame when I fuck up.

Dear boss,

Please stop asking me to do things. Any time you ask for my advice, you ignore it, then come to me asking why I didn't warn you. Any time you ask me to recommend something, you do the exact opposite, then blame me when it all goes tits up. Any time you give me a project, you pull it as I'm halfway through, usually after I've got external contacts which you authorised hanging on it.

Seriously, stop doing that shit. It gets right on my tits and gets in the way of me doing my job.

I'm an assitant working the stores of a local electronics factory. Pretty cushy job all things considered, it's not a huge amount of manual labour aside from carrying the odd heavy box. Mostly I just label and pack things.

The one thing that really gets on my tits though is the factory radio. It is *always* tuned into the same fucking station, day-in and day-out. What's bad about that is they always play the same pop-hits from the past couple of deckades as well as new-age X-factor shite. If I have to hear "I just met you, and this is crazy" one more time I will go on a shooting rampage.

Picture related: it's how I remain sane.

>>3555
Perhaps you could ask management or maintenance or whoever to vary it up a bit throughout the day? Ask your co-workers and see if they're irritated by it too so you can request in numbers.

>>3556
Oh we did, it's how we managed to get the station changed from Magic to Real Radio. I may ask again but I fear I'm in the minority this time.

As I say, my job is pretty cushy - if I'm just sat doing labelling I can usually just plug my headphones in and listen to my own music. If I'm moving around to take stock or something then it's not an issue.

>>3557
I've phrased that wrong, it's not an issue if I'm sat down or if I'm busy enough I don't notice the radio. But see first paragraph regarding that.

>>3555

I had to listen to Radio 1 all day in my last job.
I can't even describe how awful it was although THE PLAYLIST FOR THE ENTIRE DAY WAS FIVE SONGS is getting there.

>>3583
>Coming up after Newsbeat, Fearne will be playing the same ten songs but in a slightly different order.
I know that feeling well.

Radio? You think radio is bad?

How about having a PA system that is hooked up to the internet, that plays one playlist and one playlist only - a playlist updated perhaps every six months, a playlist entitled "mild easy listening". This is a playlist of about 20 songs, each more inoffensive and terrible than the last. Acoustic Morrissey covers sung by honey-voiced hippie chicks, cheery folk pop, and just generally things like this : https://www.youtube.com/v/xW2fZYhlOKM

On repeat, all fucking day. You think you can tune it out, but you can't. It's there in the background, drilling into your skull. You'll hear the song out of work, and start having cold sweats, some sort of Pavlovian reaction. "I can hear THE SONG! I must work! I need to work!". Far more effective than anything that came out of MKULTRA.

That fucking playlist played no small part in my decision to leave the company that inflicted it on its customers and employees. Then there was the time they got the bagpipe player in. Fucking hell that was brutal.

>>3593
That monster looks very hirsute.

>>3593
I worked in a charity shop as part of the Work Programme for 2 months, they had one Christian Rock CD, 5 tracks. OVER. AND OVER.

It's not so much the music that annoys me at mine, it's the adverts.

Smooth FM is fucking awful. CLAIM PPI and DON'T DO IT YOURSELF particularly. I tell a lie I do hate the music. I'm sick of hearing that Will Young song. It's been at least 2 fucking months.

I miss Radio 2 just so I can go without the ads. I may hate Tony Blackburn with a passion but I can tolerate it.

>>3593

Honestly that's the main reason I quit my last job.

My secondary reason was the utter lack of prospects and terror of being stuck in menial work all my life, but I can get over that.

The radio was truly terrifying.

I work as a cashier in a supermarket. People seem to suspend their brain function when they come in.

I don't manually fucking calculate your bill. If something comes up at the wrong price it's because someone in an entirely different department fucked up earlier in the week, completely without my involvement. If you bring in the wrong coupon or don't read the one on the package it's your fucking fault.

If you know me socially and try to talk to come to my til and ask me if I can find any drugs or bitch at me about my relationship with your friend I'm going to ignore you entirely and have you banned from the premises as a shoplifter.

I find it completely unprofessional when superiors swear in front of you. Even more so when they do it at you.

First thing when I got into work this morning to find my computer's already on with the task manager open and my boss is hovering nearby looking accusative.
>Anon, you've installed something on your machine that's [Caused our proprietary software not to work properly]! It's just downloading junk data.
Have I? There was a similar problem with [our other software] before, ever since I reformatted my machine it's been unable to find the correct drivers.
>You never told me this! Let's go through the installation process.
We do so then reach the point where we can't get any further due to the same problem
>Wait, this looks familiar
Yeah there's a screenshot of it I emailed to you last week. Remember those two conversations we had about it?
>Right. Well, there's a task running that's using the memory and must be making it go wrong. I don't recognise these tasks, it must be something you've downloaded or installed. Now I'm going to stand here and watch while you find out what each one does.
I don't think that's how ram works, but okay. He hands me a list of running tasks to put into google.
>SMAgent.exe, PELMICED.EXE, RTHDCPL.EXE, FSRremoS.EXE, ico.exe, igfxrvc.exe, etc
...

I do that while he watches.
>Okay well you'd better get on with your work there's still some orders left you didn't finish yesterday.
I wasn't in yesterday. I say nothing.