The Bartimaeus Trilogy will be beyond him at the minute but one day he'll fucking love it. Same (perhaps) for Pratchett's Diggers, Truckers and Wings.

>>5761

I suggest the Artemis Fowl series, I still enjoy them. Lord of the Rings isn't too far away either, I read it myself as a 10 year old.

Harry Potter books are all right, they wont make you want to blow your brains out at least.

The King's Blades series by Dave Duncan are maybe a bit mature, but I loved them as a kid. It has a bit of shagging here and there and copious amounts of awesome knights doing awesome stuff, which I loved.

Have you considered His Dark Materials series? Northern Lights, etc.

>>5761
It's like the Iliad but with woodland creatures.

>>5761

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Enchanted_Wood_%28novel%29

These were magical for me, no pun intended. I don't know why you're against are Enid. I've heard bad things about Terry Deary on .gs, but I always enjoyed the Horrible Histories books.

I'd suggest these, I really enjoyed them. You might want to check them out before you start reading them with your son though, some of the themes are violent. That's according to wikipedia, I don't remember anything too bad in them. There might have been one where the protagonists were nearly burned at the stake as witches or summat, but that's about it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spooksville

Harry Potter is good, and you'll likely find yourself getting interested in the story after the second or third book. I might hold off on hitting the end of the series until your child is older, but by the time you've gotten through to Goblet Of Fire they should be able to cope.

You should definitely, definitely read him Horrible Histories and related series (there's some science and technology ones done in the same vein). They're not stories but it's always good to try and capture their imagination with these otherwise "dry" subjects before they hit them at secondary school.

You may also enjoy the Artemis Fowl series, they're quite pithy. Others by Eoin Colfer might be a bit above your kid (they're more 10+ years kinds of books) but I don't doubt your child is smart and would still enjoy that kind of adventure story. There's also the Alex Rider books - they're a bit like watered down James Bond adventures for the modern child.

The Lemony Snicket/A Series Of Unfortunate Events I also remember enjoying around that age, and until I was about 13/14 too. I tended to read quite above my age as a child (I was onto YA fiction and LOTR by my tweens) so you might need to adjust based on your son's development.

He will almost certainly be entranced by the Lynne Reid Banks series The Indian In The Cupboard. They're fantastic. A must-read for kids that age.

I similarly remember enjoying going through my dad's copies of Just William stories. They're a bit antiquated and you might need to explain this to your lad but they're good fun too.

I'll update more as I think of them, I hope this starts you off. If I had to pick one in my list the begin with, it'd be the Indian In The Cupboard. It's just a glorious, glorious series. Anyone who didn't experience it in their childhoods has missed out on something beautiful in the pantheon of classic children's literature. Please expose him to it while he's still young enough to truly be lost in the fantastical.

Is he too old for The Phantom Tollbooth? The answer to that is probably no. If he liked The Hobbit you might try Phantastes by George MacDonald. It's preferable to C.S. Lewis, at least. Some things by H.G. Wells are on a similar level to The Hobbit, as is The Tripod Trilogy and even the HHGTTG, if you don't mind him hearing about drinking. Stig of The Dump? Swallows and Amazons?

>>5764
Definitely, then when OP has finished reading that to him, he could help him create his first fursona as a father-son project.

The Phantom Tollbooth remains one of my favourite ever books.

>>5763
Oh christ, I can't believe I left Pullman off the list. It's a great introduction into why to not trust organised religion. It should be required reading for all schoolchildren imo. +1 on that suggestion.

On that vein, it's never too early to read them Lord Of The Flies. Animal Farm too. Well, maybe wait until he's 10 or so. I read them around that age and Animal Farm especially made a distinct impression on me.

This series is also worth a crack. It might be a bit confusing and high-brow for a 7 year old (it's basically a fantasy re-imagining of 1984) but it's quite absorbing. Mudnuts!

>>5762
>Same (perhaps) for Pratchett's Diggers, Truckers and Wings.

We had Diggers somewhere, but I can't say that I've seen it since we moved house. I was planning on giving him my Discworld novels when he's a bit older.

>>5763
Thanks, lad. I have the His Dark Materials trilogy, but I was planning on holding them back for a few years. However I've got most of the Sally Lockhart books so he may be ready for them.

>>5764
Thanks, lad.

>>5765
I can't comment on The Faraway Tree series but the Famous Five, Secret Seven, etc. books we've got are dire (actually, the
Five Find-Outers books are alright); always the same dull opening chapters about meeting up for the school holidays, a few chapters where they call each other asses and idiots, the odd chapter where she's forgotten the name of the cook or one of the other characters and starts calling them something else and a chapter or two about suspicious looking foreigners. At least they're not as bad as Horrid Henry.

>>5763
Oh fuck Artemis Fowl is great.

>>5772
Can I please stress the Bartimaeus trilogy for later, it was easily my favourite book as a child. I might reread it actually.

>>5771
Never liked them.

There was a book I read as a child about a few dogs stranded on an island having come off a fishing boat. I can't for the life of me find what it is.

>>5772
I'd disagree with the lad who suggested LOTR since he's seven, but he might be ready for The Hobbit and Tolkein's other shorter bits like Farmer Giles of Ham.

>>5775

OP said he had already read him The Hobbit.

Read him the nightly ramblings of .gs of course!

I can't really offer any good advice because I was basically illiterate until year 6.

>>5774

I know what you mean. The first "proper" book I read was about a millipede and his mum getting smoked out of his home, but I can't remember the name at all.

>>5776
Ah, sorry, had beers this evening. What about Charlotte's Web, Watership Down (though don't let him watch the cartoon) or Lloyd Alexander's Chronicles of Prydain series? I remember enjoying those around OP's lad's age, and I think they're all still in print.

>>5766

>The Lemony Snicket/A Series Of Unfortunate Events I also remember enjoying around that age, and until I was about 13/14 too.

I didn't discover the series until my late twenties and I thought it was very witty.

>>5767

>Is he too old for The Phantom Tollbooth? The answer to that is probably no.

Heck no. Some of those puns would go way over kids' heads.

The above are my two biggest recommendations.

A Boy and a Bear and a Boat is pretty decent and there's a lot of issue fiction like My Sister Lives On The Mantelpiece, When I Was Joe and R.J. Palacio's Wonder. The latter two are great but might be a little old for him.

I enjoyed Arthur C. Clarke's Dolphin Island as a kid but I had to skip the first couple of chapters. There's this peculiar thing where he drastically changed his prose style after those, like he's just remembered what age bracket he's meant to be writing for.

I liked The Class That Went Wild, A Cat Called Amnesia and Aliens In The Family.

The London Eye Mystery is good too. So are Louis Sachar's.

Excuse my ignorance but is seven not old enough to begin solo reading? I know I was devouring Horrible Histories at that age, though I was perhaps advanced.

>>5781

Any book is appropriate for anyone of any age to read. I was reading geology and astronomy books on my own by the time I was seven and could program in basic BASIC using the Amstrad CPC 464 manual. Children are smarter than adults. Don't hold them back.

>>5782

>Any book is appropriate for anyone of any age to read.

I don't know. He might be a bit bemused if you read him Story of the Eye.

>>5781
He will devour a book if it's something he's interested in (Ancient Egypt, space, dragons, nature, etc.) but during the week the usual routine is that he'll read his school book to me and then I'll read him a few chapters. I've read authors say that too many parents punish their children for learning to read by stopping reading to them altogether, plus I like reading to him.

I might have a look at the Ronald Dahl Funny Prize, although I'm sure David Williams has won it and I didn't think much of Mr Stink and Gangsta Granny when we read those.

>>5761

Try the How To Train Your Dragon series of books. They are pretty much nothing to do with the films and have a wit and charm lacking in the Hollywood version.

My boy is just turned 7 and he loves them. You can pick up a dozen of them in a box set for about £35.

>>5781
You seem to be forgetting the important bonding time that exists when parents and children read together. Perhaps you missed out on it in your childhood, but I can still recall every line of Cops and Robbers thanks to my father tirelessly reading it to me what felt like every night when I was a youngun. It's one of my most distinct memories from that age, and my dad still - when prompted - can start reciting the verses with me, and I can tell he enjoys doing so as for a brief moment he remembers me as his 2 year old rapscallion and not the young adult with voting privileges and council tax that I now am.

These things are important, trust me.

>>5770
> I read them around that age and Animal Farm especially made a distinct impression on me.
Eh, you too?
>>5782
I remember stumbling upon the book about child upbringing. Opened my fucking eyes regarding all those adult trickery.

OP here, I've picked up Artemis Fowl today so I'll let you know what I he thinks of it after he's finished reading The Story of Matthew Buzzington to me.

>>5937
Great shit.

>>5786
Can't agree more, although it brings up sad memories as well as it reminds me of a time when my father wasn't such a cynical, work orientated selfish prick.

I don't want to bang on about the internet and so on, but it has driven a massive wedge between families. If I ever have kids I'll make reading to them paramount.

Sage for emo tripe

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing et al. are good to read to kids because putting on a small child's voice when reading Fudge's dialogue is fun.

>>5937
>so I'll let you know what he thinks of it after he's finished reading The Story of Matthew Buzzington to me.

We've read a few of them, they're brilliant. Sorry, lads, a bit late with an update here. We've just finished Alex, the Dog and the Unopenable Door and now we're working through Circus of Thieves and the Raffle of Doom.

War Horse - Michael Morpurgo

Please, let him work through the Goosebumps when he gets slightly older.

I'm still damaged from that TV episode where the protagonist went all "IF YOU CAN'T BEAT EM, JOIN EM".

>>5761
When I read this I expected to find a reference to your son labelled 7...

>>5761 Try the edge chronicles, rarely see them mentioned but they have pirates alchemy, airships, goblins, an odd world on the edge of the world, definitely worth reading if he's into action and some fairly magestic fantasy stories it's worth reading, also inkspell, inkheart. and the boy in striped pyjamas (although the modification to fuhrer and Auschwitz piss me off a bit)

>>5989 also the adrien mole books are fairly fun, not sure how well they translate for the modern generation but great books anyway...

(A good day to you Sir!)

I'd forgotten how sinister the Thomas the Tank Engine series was until I read Bulstrode to my daughter last night. Bulstrode was complaining at the docks while waiting go get loaded up and when Percy finally arrives the trucks are cheeky little shits whom end up falling off the docks into Bulstrode. They decide to make an example of Bulstrode by leaving him stranded on a beach to get covered in bird shit.

>>5990
It seems ever so slightly cruel to ban someone for poor grammar in a thread about children's books.

>>5761
You're doing your child a great disservice if you don't try something from The Edge Chronicles.

It's what got me started on reading as a kid and I'll never forget how great the book was in opening up my mind and giving me a creative freedom like no other book had.

It has scattered illustrations to help create a picture, but not too many so you can keep your mind solely focused upon the books.

I didn't read them all, but I read The Last of the Sky Pirates, which is part of a trilogy in the series, as they are all broken down into sets of three.

Start on Last of the Sky Pirates man, it is something I'll forever be fond of and remember.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_of_the_Sky_Pirates

>>6186
Sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind.

>>6185

My nephew got this for Christmas in about 2003 when train crashes had been in the news a lot. It contained this video


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klsbzC9V0Yg

which seemed rather dark, especially the bloodbath at 00:30.

The crashes are fairly tame, apart from perhaps the train drivers having mental breakdowns due to having to work with engines that have minds of their own and not infrequently come off the rails.

It's nothing compared to the tyranny of Sodor. Henry getting bricked up in a tunnel for not wanting to go out in the rain. Smudger getting turned into a generator for demonstrating independent thought and nonconformity. Stepney nearly getting murdered by a pair of diesels just for being a steamy. If you don't prove yourself to be a Really Useful Engine then you are in for it.

>>6190

This picture reminds me, better let the cat out of Cat Jail. Half and hour is long enough.

>Not reading your children British Empire history

Why not? Educational, fun, interesting, related to life. He will be a mile ahead of all his class mates in history and understanding the world

(A good day to you Sir!)

OP here, we're working our way through Narnia. I'd forgotten how much casual sexism is in them.

>>5777
>The first "proper" book I read was about a millipede and his mum getting smoked out of his home, but I can't remember the name at all.

Harry the Poisonous Centipede? We read that a few months back, although I only get about half the story because he'll read a few chapters himself each night.

>>6233
Brace yourself for more dolphin rape than you remember when the Calormenes start popping up.

>>6234
We've just finished The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Does Aslan turn out to be Jesus? The ending of the book suggests that religion is going to be laid on rather thickly at some point during the final two novels.

>>6265
Aslan is obv. a Christian analogue but as far as I recall there is no direct reference to religion.

>>6265
>>6266
Aslan is Jesus, there are various Christian themes and parallells in most of them, and later books introduce Tash, the Calormene god. Since the Calormenes are obvious Arab stereotypes, it's ambiguous if Tash is an analogue for Allah or simply a pagan deity; The Last Battle makes it fairly clear that Tash is Satan as I recall, so make of that what you will.

Well done, OP. You've read your kid the Narnia novels, and thus brought a wee little ARE SI into the world.

Thanks for reminding me about Harry the Poisonous Centipede though, I missed that post the first time around so thanks whoever bumped the thread too.

>>6268
>You've read your kid the Narnia novels, and thus brought a wee little ARE SI into the world.

It wouldn't actually surprise me if there was a link between reading Enid Blyton as a child and supporting UKIP. Blooming suspicious looking foreigners, always up to no good.

Most of the way through The Last Battle, although I'm only getting half the story as he'll read a chapter or two to himself after I've read to him. In the last chapter I read the dwarfs started calling the Calormenes darkies.

OP here again, lads.

Laddo is now 10 and still obsessed with ancient mythology, particularly Greek. He's just finished reading the Percy Jackson pentalogy, which he managed in around a fortnight. Are there any books in a similar vein that you'd recommend? I've got the Penguin Little Black Classic of The Fall of Icarus so I may see what he thinks of that; the prose seems fairly accessible.

>>6613
For Greek stuff, Robert Graves is pretty great. If he's still into it in 8 years, you can move him onto Roberto Calasso. For want of anything else to add, the Gaiman book of Norse mythology is pretty decent.

Further moving away from the Greeks, maybe the Alex Rider series by Horowitz or Bloodtide and Bloodsong by Burgess.

>>6613
10 eh? You gonna start him on Animal Farm and all that stuff mentioned above?

If not, at least give him Boris the Tomato. I love reading it even as an adult, both because it's actually quite hilarious and a great satire of totalitarian fascism.

>>6613
You might try "Wolf Brother" and the series Chronicles of Ancient Darkness by Michelle Paver.

Thanks, lads.

>>6616
>You gonna start him on Animal Farm and all that stuff mentioned above?

I tried him with Animal Farm a year or so ago but he wasn't interested. It's been a long time since I've read it, but I think the first couple of chapters are a little on the dry side.

We've read a few of the books suggested in this thread, with Artemis Fowl being the clear favourite.

>>6618
Fair enough, that's Orwell for you. Boris the Tomato may have similar themes - talking vegetables in a Kent greenhouse with plans of world domination - but it's a lot more accessible. I love it.

>>5761 can fully recommend
"His dark materials" by Phillip Pullman.

"His Dark Materials is an epic trilogy of fantasy novels by Philip Pullman consisting of Northern Lights, The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Spyglass"

So so good. Nothing like the film.

>>6642
Fucking Golden Compass bullshit. IT'S NOT A COMPASS HOLLYWOOD, DID YOU EVEN READ THE BOOK

Since this is up top again, I'm going to repeat my support for the Bartimaeus trilogy (>>5762) because they were so much fun when I was young, its about a young twatty kid in a pseudo-alternative reality where the British empire is still on the go, and a certain class of people (aristocracy types) can summon different levels of imps, genies, etc. It's about this kid who gives it a shot at a young age and his adventures with this sassy Djinn called Bartimaeus and how they end up getting involved in higher level politics (that makes it sound dull but it's really not).

Please give it a shot, I might buy the first again since I've lost it. It's not that well known a series but it was my favourite series at the time. I think I read it when I was about 12.

Also, Artemis Fowl. Rich supervillain child gets involved with a (literally) underground civilisation of super technologically advanced 'fairies' who have kept themselves secret from humanity for millenia. He runs into a fairy who is a newbie officer for the L.E.P. Recon unit.

Great stuff.

>>6650
Didn't realise this is the third time I've wanked over this series, sorry. Whinge.

>>6648
To be fair to hollywood, the religious messages in the book were so offensive to most of America (and enough of the rest of the world) that the only options they had were to massively deviate from the book, or not make it at all.
The correct decision would have been to not make the film at all.

>>6642>>6648
OP here again. Laddo came home with one of those book fair flyers. Apparently they're making a His Dark Materials TV series.

>>6667
Let's hope they don't fuck it up.

>>6668
Don't be silly, of course they will.

>>5761

I really enjoyed the Hungry Cities Chronicles (I.e. Mortal Engines + about five sequels)- All about a basically steampunk dystopian future where cities are jacked up on a giant sets of tracks and engaged in 'municipal darwinism'. I thought it was wicked sick when I was about 10.

I'll support the Wind Singer series, and you should definately go with His Dark Materials before year 5/6 as they offer a pretty solid critique and/or narrative regarding religion at a time when those ideas count (I say that from experience).

On Harry Potter - I think you need to start those at a bit of a later date, purely because they pretty rapidly mature from kids on an adventure to moody teens being moody - something I actually found to be pretty awkward/dull by the final tomes, and I was reading these as they came out, at pretty much a similar age to the characters.

>>6671
>I really enjoyed the Hungry Cities Chronicles (I.e. Mortal Engines + about five sequels)- All about a basically steampunk dystopian future where cities are jacked up on a giant sets of tracks and engaged in 'municipal darwinism'. I thought it was wicked sick when I was about 10.
I loved the first book when I was younger. For years I've been meaning to get round to reading the rest of the series.

>>6672

Go for it - it meanders for a bit but from what I remember (I re-read it about 4 years ago) it ends a satisfying distance from where it begins.

Oh also, they've just wrapped up shooting for a film of the first book, due out 2018.

>>6671
It's Mortal Engines, not 'Hungry Cities'. It'll be bloody sorcerers stones next.

They're making an Artemis Fowl film too. I have absolutely no idea how that will work, I'd put money on it being a disaster.

>>6671
Part of the reason I didn't carry on reading the series when I was younger is because of how despondent I was at the end of the first book that London was destroyed.

Going off on the horns of a furious tangent...
Anyone else ever get the thing where reminiscing about one thing automatically ties to a different thing because of two things happening at the same time in the past?
I first read mortal engines at the same time as listening to 40ft by Franz Ferdinand, now those two memories are stuck together in my head and a mention of the book always makes me think of that song.

>>6675
At least it's a happy ending.

>>6674

Sorry slightly tilt this towards a cunt-off, but I was referring to the series, which is titled as such, cunt.

Upon further inspection of the Wiki, the series appears to be known to the Author as the 'Mortal Engines Quartet'. Cuntoff averted.

OP here again.

I've decided it's time to introduce Laddo to Discworld via their "young adult" books, so I'll let you know what he thinks of it.

>>6744
Tiffany Aching is one of Terry's best characters, if you're looking for a meatier segue after you're finished. The Wee Free Men will introduce him to Granny Weatherwax at the end, and you can jump off into her books from there, returning to Tiffany Aching for the heart breaking finale.

>>6744
I loved that book when I were a lad.

>>6746
Yeah but Maurice himself is a bit obnoxious if I recall. It's the rats who are all interesting characters in their own right.

>>6747
Yep.

>>6745

> Tiffany Aching is one of Terry's best characters

I'm not a Young Adult so my opinion probably doesn't count for much, but imo he Mary-Sued the hell out of her in a way that made the rapid and largely inexplicable social rises of Vimes and Von Lipwig to seem almost rational. The only book in the that sub-series I liked was Wintersmith, plot, characterisation, character growth, good stuff.


> , if you're looking for a meatier segue after you're finished. The Wee Free Men will introduce him to Granny Weatherwax at the end, and you can jump off into her books from there, returning to Tiffany Aching

You'd probably be better off working from Wee Free Men up to I shall wear Midnight or at least Wintersmith if you want to keep the city watch and Esk and so on out of the picture at first, then go back to the earlier witches books and work your way forward.

Jumping straight from a Mary Sue with an iron saucepan fairy tale like the wee free men back into books as early in the series as Equal Rites or even Wyrd Sisters would, imo, be too jarring.

>>6749
The Nac Mac Feegle are to blame for her having major plot armour though, Rob Anybody is sworn to protect her with his afterlife.

Success, lads. He's asked if I'll buy him more Terry Pratchett books.

>>6751

Top lad that kid, then. We'll be here to quibble over what you read next although I'll probably cede to the other lad as I haven't read Pratchett to anyone but myself GNU Terry Pratchett.

>>6750

While I'm here:


I never really considered the NMF as plot armour for T because her plot armour comes directly from being the impossible heroine in a series of children's' novels.

We see this very early on when the queen of the elves, who would have defeated Granny Weatherwax herself in Lords and Ladies if sly old Nanny Ogg hadn't gone down the long mound and done a malcolm tucker on the King. You have to remember that whatever borrowing Granny did with the bees wasn't offensive in nature, it was purely to survive the Queen's attack while everything only went back to normal when the King turned up and said "c'mon lads, nough ching the night la les get haem for wuz forget wuz fukkin uber is fur".

Anyway, this basically undefeatable elven queen who had to be disposed of by way of subterfuge by two of the Ramtops' most powerful witches is then done away with by a 9yo with a frying pan.

Suspension of disbelief and all that, but they could have at least built her up over the books rather than having basically giving her powers beyond all the other witches right off the bat - he might have well slapped Glasses and a birthmark in the shape of her dead gran's old dead sheepdogs and called her Harriot Puking ("I'm puking when I go to bed and I'm puking when I wake up" - the dad was an alkie).

For what little it's worth, I think that T becoming the kelda, briefly, in the first book is more of a deus ex to keep the NMH around to provide comic relief between Pratchett's increasingly nonsensical multi-threaded plots with rushed and unsatisfactory conclusions (because hey Terry it's, like, October and we've got to go print 20 million copies of whatever you have sort of half ready before Christmas) and some of the worst pseudo-sexual innuendo that I've ever seen in a young adult series.

Anyway, yeah. Not a fan. But then I'm also not nine any more. Who knows, I might not find Narnia, the bible, and that tantric sex book of my mum's so interesting now as I did at nine years old either.



Sage definitely ticked for a old an getting stuck into the failings of a kids book series. Boo me.

Disney have announced they are releasing an Artemis Fowl film next year, based on the first two books.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3089630/

I'm really not sure about the casting. Judi Dench as Root, with Butler and Juliet both black.

>>6757
Isn't Juliet the elf? Hmm. I don't mind the bodyguard being a burly black bloke, but elves are usually white. When you say black, do you actually mean exotic mystery meat that appeals to the global market?

Either way, it'll probably be watchable but I'm not holding out any hopes for it being Harry Potter tier wish fulfilment.

>>6757

I can see Dench being a good Root, though I struggle to see why they felt the need to gender swap him, it's not like there aren't enough women/girls in the story or anything, with Holly and Juliet being co-leads, basically.

I'm not particularly bothered what colour Butler is but they chap they've gone with just doesn't look right. He's supposed to be an elite operative and described essentially Agent 47 but even more effective. This fella looks like a fat teddy bear.

>>6759

>I can see Dench being a good Root

I just saw that out of context while scrolling and thought you meant root as in Australian slang.

>>6757
It's Artemis that'll break it. Far too complicated a character for 99.999% of child actors.

Holly has been cast as a child actor which is bizarre, I always imagined her to be mid 20s, just an elf.

>>6762

>Holly has been cast as a child actor which is bizarre, I always imagined her to be mid 20s, just an elf

From what I remember that was a huge part of her character, being older than Artemis and not putting up with his shit. She's a militarised police captain for fucks sake.

>>6759
>I can see Dench being a good Root

It's been a while since I've read Artemis Fowl, but I'm fairly certain that a major part of Holly's character and her development was how she was the first female to make Captain in the LEPrecon and constantly feeling like she had to prove herself. Make the Commander female and you're pretty much having to rewrite Holly from scratch.

Also, it appears that they've cast the only person of Indian extraction playing a main role in the film as Foaly, i.e. the tech support. It seems bizarre to change the ethnicity and gender of other major characters and then to go and pander to a massive stereotype like that.

>>6765
Everyone seems to have been horribly miscast. It's an exceedingly difficult film to make and nothing I've heard about it so far sounds right.

Let's talk about something else.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fupYIggOq38

>>6766
Looks shit.

>>6766
Why... why was there the five second YouTube ad mini-trailer included at the start of the actual posted video? Such lazy fucks.

>>6759
I'm working with some very hazy recollections of the Artemis Fowl series, but wasn't Domovoi/Butler (and by extent Juliet) heavily implied to be of Balkan-to-Middle-East ish extraction? Y'know, somewhere that used to be part of the Ottoman Empire, full of olive skin and dark hair. Fucking Georgia or Armenia or somewhere. A country with an appropriately violent and tragic backstory to produce someone as gruff as Butler.

Weirdly the only casting I can think of that fulfils my mental image of Butler is Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson but only because he's meant to be an elite operative mountain with a deeply hidden fudgy heart. I realise I'm shit at casting for ethnicity.

Zero fucking idea on Holly or Artemis either. This film is going to be a fucking $130million disappointment from start to finish.

>>6769
>Weirdly the only casting I can think of that fulfils my mental image of Butler is Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson but only because he's meant to be an elite operative mountain with a deeply hidden fudgy heart. I realise I'm shit at casting for ethnicity

Dave Bautista would fit the bill, off the top of my head.l

>>6770
Yes.

>>6770

He is also Puerto Rican and can act, fitting both diversity quotas and the basic expectations of an audience. Butler is a nuanced character and Dave used to work for a security firm and was a night club bouncer, he is actually perfect.

>>6769
I always thought of Butler as Pierluigi Collina.