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>> No. 9430 Anonymous
26th January 2016
Tuesday 10:09 pm
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Huddersfield charity shop finally says goodbye to a shutter which lasted 26 years


That's it. That's literally it. A charity shop has replaced one of its roller shutters after having the same one for 26 years. It's all go in Huddersfield.

I challenge you lads to find a more pointless news story than this.
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>> No. 15993 Anonymous
6th October 2018
Saturday 6:46 am
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Women outraged after Supervet Haribo Tangfastics confiscated by Plymouth Pavilions

A woman's night out turned sour - after Pavilions security confiscated a bag of Haribo Tangfastics she'd bought to watch Supervet.

Rebekah Driscoll thought there would be no harm in buying a bag of sweets for an evening of entertainment courtesy of TV celebrity vet Dr Noel Fitzpatrick with her sister Rachel. But it all went wrong from the minute the Elburton pair turned up ready for a night of fun.

Rebekah, 25, said they were treated like 'daft militant wogs' as they went through 'airport-style' security bag checks inside. Stunned Rebekah said security clocked her bag of treats - which cost under £1 - and told her to get rid of them immediately. She said the experience almost sabotaged the evening - and the sisters have vowed not to return.

Explaining how events unfolded, Christian charity administrator Rebekah said: "I got into town, picked up my sister and had some tea. We bought a pack of Haribo for the evening. We walked into the Pavilions - and as soon as we turned up someone came over to us, with a picture diagram explaining bag sizes. We'd already made sure we had small bags with us. Then, as soon as we got into the hallway, they started searching through everyone's bags - it was as if we were in an airport. I had the Haribo on me. As soon as the security lady saw it - she said we couldn't take it in and would have to put it somewhere else. We didn't have a car with us, so we couldn't put them away for later - so I had to put them in the bin. The woman doing the security checks could see I was upset. They weren't expensive - but it's the principle."

Rebekah said the behaviour at the Pavilions was like scenes out of 'Russia or North Korea'. "This episode resembles a tyrannical system not unlike despotic countries such as Russia or North Korea," she said.

>> No. 15995 Anonymous
6th October 2018
Saturday 1:34 pm
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In other news, Plymouth woman in sponsorship deal with Haribo to push Tangfastics lands story in local paper.
>> No. 15998 Anonymous
6th October 2018
Saturday 8:25 pm
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>Rebekah said the behaviour at the Pavilions was like scenes out of 'Russia or North Korea'. "This episode resembles a tyrannical system not unlike despotic countries such as Russia or North Korea," she said.

That is called overtelling, and it's poor news writing style. You are essentially giving your reader the same bit of information, or at least the two relevant buzzwords, in two sentences in a row.

A better way to put those sentences would have been:

Rebekah expressed her disapproval of the Pavillion staff's behaviour saying that the episode resembled "a tyrannical system not unlike despotic countries such as Russia or North Korea".

I used to work for our school newspaper, and we were tutored by a teacher who was a failed journalist had prior experience in the field of journalism.
>> No. 15999 Anonymous
6th October 2018
Saturday 9:12 pm
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Local news articles are written by computer these days.
>> No. 16000 Anonymous
6th October 2018
Saturday 9:18 pm
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Given the frequent spelling mistakes on my local news, I very much doubt that.
>> No. 16002 Anonymous
6th October 2018
Saturday 11:08 pm
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Maybe those computers have humaniser algorithms. Like the first music sequencing programmes for computers used to have in the 80s and early 90s.

Those algorithms could then insert typos or spelling mistakes into a text at random and you'd be none the wiser.
>> No. 16004 Anonymous
6th October 2018
Saturday 11:55 pm
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Plausible. The live chat customer support widgets you see on a lot of websites tend to use a mix of AI and human operators. The AI will deal with basic queries, but hand over to a human if it's stumped. This AI is usually trained on non-native English speakers, which makes them more convincing - people are used to dealing with Indian call centre workers and are less annoyed by dimwitted humans than dimwitted machines.
>> No. 16006 Anonymous
7th October 2018
Sunday 12:17 am
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>> No. 16007 Anonymous
7th October 2018
Sunday 11:44 am
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I've seen plenty of sites that just regurgitate the same sentence over and over again. I physically cannot believe they weren't written by a bot:


"When telephone came into existence, it was a very rare thing in towns and cities to have telephones and there were barely any telephone lines. Also, people were not aware of how to bury the telephone lines and hence, it was all over the place as the employees had no idea on how to bury the telephone lines. Due to this, there was an incredible practice that was born to conceal the wires, which was known as the Old Stockholm Telephone Tower, which was fairly popular in Stockholm, Sweden."

It's like it has a stock set of sentences to which it just inserts information.
>> No. 16008 Anonymous
7th October 2018
Sunday 12:44 pm
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I've often wondered whether it is actually very poor translation software that is doing it.. foreign bots.
>> No. 16009 Anonymous
7th October 2018
Sunday 5:22 pm
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There are already some content generator sites. You can get an article written in passable English or Italian for about 2 pounds. If you give some of your articles to the site, it will analyse your writing style and regurgitate something that will fool 85% of the readers.
>> No. 16013 Anonymous
7th October 2018
Sunday 10:01 pm
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I saw an article printed in a car magazine once that contained two sentences which I had identifiably contributed to a Wikipedia page on the article's subject a while before the magazine's issue came out. They nicked my two sentences almost verbatim off Wikipedia.

Made me feel kind of proud.
>> No. 16272 Anonymous
27th October 2018
Saturday 2:20 am
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Number four story in the UK right now, according to BBC.
>> No. 16277 Anonymous
27th October 2018
Saturday 3:34 pm
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Her story of being mistakes as a prostitute, twice in Grimsby, was much funnier.
>> No. 16289 Anonymous
28th October 2018
Sunday 1:11 pm
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>>16277 Only twice? Makes you wonder how many times she looked around, saw no-one she knew, and went "Ok... £50..."
>> No. 16290 Anonymous
28th October 2018
Sunday 4:13 pm
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If I picked up a girl who looked like this, I'd expect her to have a cock. Could I report her to trading standards for false advertising?
>> No. 16311 Anonymous
30th October 2018
Tuesday 9:26 pm
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>A 69-year-old woman has died after she suffered serious burns in an incident at a chip shop. The woman died on Monday at Morriston Hospital in Swansea six days after sustaining burns in an incident at a chip shop in Hermon, Carmarthenshire.

>The woman was injured at the chip shop on October 23 at around 1.30pm. A 70-year-old man has been arrested in connection with the incident and was released on bail while the investigation continues. Dyfed-Powys Police would not confirm the name of the chip shop on Tuesday or provide further details about the arrest.


One way to get banned from the chip shop, I suppose.
>> No. 16312 Anonymous
30th October 2018
Tuesday 9:45 pm
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>Dyfed-Powys Police would not confirm the name of the chip shop
No point. It's in the middle of nowhere, it'll be the only chippie for miles.
>> No. 16313 Anonymous
30th October 2018
Tuesday 9:56 pm
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I went to a chippy in Anglesey. They looked at me like I was a complete scumbag for asking for a chip butty; apparently it's a chip bap.
>> No. 16314 Anonymous
30th October 2018
Tuesday 11:13 pm
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Anglesey folk are strange. If you're a Welsh speaker, they won't speak to you in Welsh if you're from south of the A5. If you're not a Welsh speaker, they often won't speak to you in English either.
>> No. 16315 Anonymous
31st October 2018
Wednesday 8:15 pm
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It was called Chipoteria. I don't get it. A portmanteau of chippy and cafeteria?

It's been reported that she slipped and managed to tip over a gallon of boiling oil when she tried to steady herself.
>> No. 16449 Anonymous
10th November 2018
Saturday 7:03 pm
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>AN ELDERLY woman was injured by a tub of butter when it was thrown at her by a queue-jumper.

>The 74-year-old victim sustained swelling and severe brusing to her lip during the assault, which took place at around 12.40pm on Sunday, 21 October at the Co-op supermarket on the High Street, Eynsham, West Oxfordshire.

>The woman was queueing when the offender pushed in front of her in the line. She highlighted to the man that there was a queue, resulting in him throwing the tub of butter.

>> No. 16451 Anonymous
10th November 2018
Saturday 7:40 pm
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That's a really big rub of butter, must have really hurt to get that thrown at you.
>> No. 16452 Anonymous
10th November 2018
Saturday 8:18 pm
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Are we talking refrigerated butter or room temperature here?
>> No. 16453 Anonymous
10th November 2018
Saturday 8:21 pm
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Do supermarkets sell unrefrigerated butter?
>> No. 16455 Anonymous
10th November 2018
Saturday 9:11 pm
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They don't.

But anyone who's had a full bottle of water chucked at them will tell you how much even enough liquid in a container hurts.

I definitely wouldn't enjoy one of those big 2kg tubs off my bonce.
>> No. 16461 Anonymous
12th November 2018
Monday 8:18 pm
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Picking up the phone to call my dad, I felt sick. I’d just been hit with a £300 bill for my car’s MOT and, with over a week to go until I was paid, there was no way I could afford it myself.

With no credit card and already into my overdraft, I had no choice but to turn to my parents yet again for a handout. I knew Dad would agree – he’s always reassured me that if I need help, he and Mum are there for me. But that doesn’t make it any less demoralising to be 30, earning what many people would think is a decent salary, and still being bailed out. I wish I could say this was a one-off, but the truth is rarely a month goes by where I don’t ask them for money. I’m an account director at a digital marketing agency in Bournemouth, and my salary is £30-40k (a monthly average take-home pay of about £2,200), depending on how much commission I earn.

I know many people would look at that income and consider me well off, especially when the average UK salary is around £27,000. But the reality is that even earning that much, it can be hard nowadays to lead a normal, and in no way extravagant, 30-something lifestyle. It’s embarrassing, but not unusual. On average, Mum and Dad give me between £100 and £500 a month. It might be because of an unexpected expense, like that garage bill, or it could be for something as mundane as buying my lunches at work, because I literally don’t have a penny to my name until payday.

A few months ago, I needed their help paying the £100 excess on my phone insurance when it broke. I’ve even been known to ask for £20 just to afford to sit in with a friend and get a bottle of wine and a takeaway. Pathetic, right?

Eighteen months ago, I moved from London to my hometown of Bournemouth, to try and save for a deposit for a property of my own. The cost of living in the capital had got so high I was finding myself turning to my parents more and more, and believed moving home was the solution. However, faced with high rents in Bournemouth, I moved back into my childhood home, and pay my parents a reduced rent, another way in which they’re helping me. Back in my teenage bedroom, this isn’t where I pictured I’d be when I was 30. By now, my 20-year-old self assumed, I’d have my own flat, savings in the bank and be able to look after myself. The reality is I'm not even close to being in that position.

By the time I’ve paid rent, done some food shopping (I want to pay my way as much as I can), settled my phone bill and insured, taxed and put petrol in my car, there’s not a great deal left. I don’t have a credit card because I’m too worried about ending up in debt and making a bad situation worse.

I work in a very sociable industry and there’s an unspoken pressure to join in with Friday night drinks, and I do need to buy clothes for work. Apart from that, I don’t splash out on luxuries. I don’t have a gym membership, I do my own nails, I colour my own hair, and fancy holidays abroad are a pipe-dream. The odd mini-break with friends is as much as I can afford right now. Even so, there’s rarely anything left in my account as the end of the month approaches. If there is, I save it towards a deposit, but that’s very sporadic and more often than not I find myself turning to my parents.


Reading the clickbait so you don't have to.
>> No. 16462 Anonymous
12th November 2018
Monday 8:40 pm
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This is my pet hate, blogpost incoming.

This lass lives in fucking Bournemouth and cant get by on a £2k a month budget? No, just no. She can't get by because she doesn't know how to budget. What the fuck is a "30 something lifestyle" anyway? If she stops spending at least a tenner a day on lunch she'll probably be OK for cash at the end of the month.

I get £900 a month working part time and I went to Rhodes last year and my Rent is £500pm, which I go halfs with the boyfriend who is a poor student. I don't shop at Home Bargains either, I get my weekly from Sainos and we still managed to save up the £1200 to go away for a week.

Even if her Rent is a grand a month, her car should be costing her ~£250pm on insurance at 30 (assuming she has been driving for at least 5 years without incident). Where is the rest going, clothes? She needs fucking shook.
>> No. 16463 Anonymous
12th November 2018
Monday 8:52 pm
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She's in marketing, I assume her cocaine habit takes a large part of her budget.
>> No. 16464 Anonymous
12th November 2018
Monday 8:53 pm
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My friend is terrible with money and she pisses it away regularly going to the cinema, eating out at places like TGI Fridays or in wine bars. Admittedly she does go abroad a lot, so not entirely wasted, even if it is primarily to go to places like Croatia to see the locations used in GoT. She's on about £10k less than the lass in the article.
>> No. 16465 Anonymous
12th November 2018
Monday 10:05 pm
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A lot of it boils down to the simple dictum I was taught as a child: the more the earn the more you spend.

When the missus and I were living in Stoke on a combined monthly take-home of about £5000 we still never saved a penny. We never actually managed to run out of money and have to beg our parents for a handout, but any extra money at the end of the month used to get scraped up into either a weekend away, short holiday, or I would just invest whatever I had left into drugs.

The other part of it, as someone has already pointed out, is that some people are simply allergic to budgeting, especially if they've been used to a fairly carefree lifestyle most of their life. Point in case being when the missus got up the duff and we suddenly had to recalculate the basic equation of our lifestyle from "two salaries and two mouths" to "one salary and three mouths" she really just couldn't handle it. In her own words she felt "constrained and restricted" by seeing how much we could spend on "having fun" per month when previously we'd pissed money up every wall we could and still had more to piss.

Sage for blog-o-rage posting.
>> No. 16466 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 2:23 pm
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Kids ruin everything shocker. In other news, Pope catholic and bears shit in woods.
>> No. 16467 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 3:15 pm
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The missus didn't "get up the duff", you GOT her up the duff. I don't get people who choose to have kids then moan about the upkeep . Don't spunk inside your wife then, wally.
>> No. 16468 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 3:36 pm
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Condoms are gross and some people are just too low IQ to have a vasectomy. I had mine on the NHS for free, 15 minutes in local anaesthesia and freedom for life.
>> No. 16469 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 3:42 pm
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How old were you when you got the snip? My GP keeps telling me I'm too young and I'll regret it. I'm not even that young, really.

I'm sure I could get it done on private, though I've never really looked yet.
>> No. 16470 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 3:58 pm
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Not him, but I got mine done when I was about 27. I do have three kids, mind.
>> No. 16471 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 4:20 pm
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*"...some people just have too low of an IQ..."

Thick bastard.
>> No. 16472 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 5:04 pm
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What if the world goes up and you're one of the last men alive? How are you going to repopulate when you are shooting blanks?
>> No. 16473 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 5:08 pm
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Just don't tell the women and keep shagging them.
>> No. 16474 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 5:29 pm
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I'll spunk inside anything that access to contraceptive pills and the morning after pill, and I don't see why I should accept anything more than fifty percent of the guilt for it getting up the duff after the fact.
>> No. 16475 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 5:39 pm
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40, but you can tell the doctor that you already have two kids and you do not want more.


Enjoy your chlamydia
>> No. 16476 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 6:43 pm
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>but you can tell the doctor that you already have two kids and you do not want more

I'm not sure why this never occurred to me, I thought they'd know somehow, but obviously they wouldn't.

I'm going to see if my GP notices when I tell him I have six kids that I've never mentioned before.
>> No. 16477 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 6:56 pm
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>Enjoy your chlamydia

I'm pretty sure that a disease that would wipe out the overwhelming majority of humanity would also wipe out sex diseases. It's unlikely infected people would survive.
>> No. 16478 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 7:30 pm
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Top notch emergency stop here.

>> No. 16479 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 8:34 pm
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AN Alice Cooper tribute act made an unlikely appearance at a North-East hospice.

Members of the 11-strong band, Alice Cooper’s Nightmare, visited St Benedict’s Hospice, in Sunderland, ahead of a weekend fundraising show, replicating a performance by the US heavy rock veteran.

It is staged at The Alexandra pub, Grangetown, Sunderland, on Sunday, at 3pm.

Dubbed Alice in Sunderland, The Mad Cooper’s Tea Party, it is raising funds for the Big Brew Up campaign in support of the hospice.

Manager and front man, Brian Ross, said: “We’ll be performing a shorter version of our usual show then we’re going to sit down and have tea and sandwiches.

Hospice community fundraiser, Lisa Peverley, said: “The Big Brew Up campaign is a new event for us at St Benedict’s this year and the show is certainly different to anything we’ve seen before.”
>> No. 16480 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 9:05 pm
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Would pollinate the nurse. The fancy dress one rather than the actual nurse.
>> No. 16481 Anonymous
13th November 2018
Tuesday 10:45 pm
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He looks a bit shit even for an Alice Cooper double.
>> No. 16482 Anonymous
14th November 2018
Wednesday 4:05 pm
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Have you seen Alice Cooper these days? The bald patch and drooping haggard old man jowls are spot on.
>> No. 16483 Anonymous
14th November 2018
Wednesday 5:38 pm
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Gloucester town crier injured as 'yobs on bikes' try to steal his hat and wig

>> No. 16484 Anonymous
14th November 2018
Wednesday 6:37 pm
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>The bald patch and drooping haggard old man jowls are spot on.

Not really, no. The real Alice Cooper still today looks a lot better in his old age than that lad from the tribute band.

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