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>> No. 9430 Anonymous
26th January 2016
Tuesday 10:09 pm
9430 spacer
Huddersfield charity shop finally says goodbye to a shutter which lasted 26 years


http://www.examiner.co.uk/news/west-yorkshire-news/huddersfield-charity-shop-finally-says-10780879

That's it. That's literally it. A charity shop has replaced one of its roller shutters after having the same one for 26 years. It's all go in Huddersfield.

I challenge you lads to find a more pointless news story than this.
Expand all images.
>> No. 9431 Anonymous
26th January 2016
Tuesday 10:14 pm
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>>9430
That's almost as interesting as that time nobody was hurt in a fire. Almost.
>> No. 9432 Anonymous
26th January 2016
Tuesday 10:28 pm
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>>9430
I try to stick to local news to get out of the depressing torrent of international news being spewed out every nano-second, but I'm hit with nauseatingly mundane shite that isn't worth the megabits it's hosted on.

I wonder if there are any lads who don't read a jot of any news - none at all.
>> No. 9433 Anonymous
26th January 2016
Tuesday 10:36 pm
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>>9432
I read what's linked to here and elsewhere if it looks interesting but I never actively browse or watch news media and I don't read any papers either.
>> No. 9434 Anonymous
26th January 2016
Tuesday 10:42 pm
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>>9430
I love that.
>> No. 9436 Anonymous
26th January 2016
Tuesday 11:04 pm
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>>9432
I gave up on the website for my local paper because it was too clunky to navigate and they went overboard with ads (I usually check the news at work so adblockers aren't an option) but I check their Facebook page daily, mainly for the smart arse puns and comments or when the family members of some scrote turn up to defend him "YA DONT KNO HIM. HE'D DO OWT FOR ANYBODY" after they've been sent down for glassing someone in the face.
>> No. 9437 Anonymous
26th January 2016
Tuesday 11:07 pm
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>Huddersfield charity shop finally says goodbye to a shutter which lasted 26 years

B-but that shutter was important to keep that shop safe at night!
>> No. 9438 Anonymous
26th January 2016
Tuesday 11:15 pm
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>>9432

I gave up keeping up with the news for the sake of my mental health. I find that paying too much attention to the news (and in particular, newspaper opinion pieces about said news), gives you an awfully bleak view of the world and the people who inhabit it.
>> No. 9440 Anonymous
27th January 2016
Wednesday 1:10 am
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>>9430
Now that's not fair, the article makes it clear it's notable for being one of the longest-lasting in the country. Hardly front-page material yes but whenever something is the Xest in the country I for one am interested to hear about it.
>> No. 9441 Anonymous
27th January 2016
Wednesday 7:02 am
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>>9440
>it's notable for being one of the longest-lasting in the country.

I doubt this is something which can be easily verified. It's been a while since I read the Guinness World Records, but I can't recall there being a section on shop roller shutters. I find it hard to believe there is a comprehensive list of the age all shop roller shutters up and down the country in order to make such extravagant


claims and I can't imagine the journalist covering this at the Huddersfield Examiner went to such lengths to verify the facts.
>> No. 9442 Anonymous
27th January 2016
Wednesday 8:54 am
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>>9441

I'm willing to believe if I walked down my high street I could find shutters from 1990. I might even find one or two buildings older then that too.
>> No. 9443 Anonymous
27th January 2016
Wednesday 12:35 pm
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>>9442

The ones on old department stores look like they've been there as long as the shop, which is often fifty or more years.
>> No. 9444 Anonymous
27th January 2016
Wednesday 1:43 pm
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http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/14230847.Pupils_live_like_kings_for_a_day_for_visit_to_medieval_manor/

From what I can ascertain, this is a news article about a school trip. To a manor house 15 miles up the road.
>> No. 9447 Anonymous
27th January 2016
Wednesday 2:54 pm
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The local news business is in a shit state. eBay and Gumtree killed off their golden goose, the small ads section. The announcements section has been mortally wounded by Facebook. Display advertising rates have been in freefall for years.

The result has been massive consolidation and rationalisation. Most local and regional newspapers are now owned by three massive groups - Newsquest, Local World and Johnston Press. Local papers are run on a skeleton staff; it's now common for three people to run half a dozen local papers from a single office.

Given these constraints, most local newspapers don't have the manpower to do real reporting. They're reliant on press releases and stories brought to them by members of the public. They'll publish any old shit that turns up on their desk and I don't blame them.
>> No. 9448 Anonymous
27th January 2016
Wednesday 3:00 pm
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I was curious about my local news, I thought it would be too easy to use the town's paper directly, so I went regionwide - and front page news for an entire county is -

http://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/news/education/the-school-run-pyjama-game-we-never-used-to-wear-them-in-huddersfield-says-mum-1-7697738
>> No. 9449 Anonymous
27th January 2016
Wednesday 4:12 pm
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End of an era lads!

>>9447
Its probably more work than you would want but does anyone else find the idea of running a local paper with a couple of the lads interesting?

I can already picture myself putting together a valentines fluff edition asking couples how they met. Some pictures of an adorable elderly couple who met during the war, a couple who got together when their plane crashed in the Andes, "when he kept calling me a racist and correcting my grammar on .gs I knew he wanted to piss in my arse". Hit me up Journo lad, I could do with a career.
>> No. 9450 Anonymous
27th January 2016
Wednesday 6:12 pm
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>>9444
Everyone has been on a school trip where they made you dress up like you were from them days. Most worthless school trip I went on was a Year 10 business studies trip to a Morrisons about 10 minutes walk away. That was a massive waste of everyone's time.

>>9448
>“We are trying to raise standards and get better outcomes for the children and we noticed a lot of the parents are turning up to school as well as meetings and assemblies wearing pyjamas, if we’re to raise standards it’s not too much to ask parents to have a wash and get dressed,” she said.

Mirth. Audible.
>> No. 9451 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 9:59 am
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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/wales/12126594/Grieving-familys-horror-as-pornographic-video-played-at-funeral-for-father-and-baby-son.html
>> No. 9452 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 12:17 pm
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>>9450

If we really wanted to raise standards (and raise self-reliant kids in the process), we would ban school runs to begin with and let those little bundles of joy walk to school or take the bus. Like other countries do. I've seen it in Germany, France, and Poland... from about age 8, give or take, children are expected to find their own way to school every morning, and their way back home, on their own, in the afternoon. What makes us so vastly different as a country that we have to have traffic jams in front of schools every morning, and parents practically walking their kids into the classroom?
>> No. 9453 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 12:28 pm
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>>9452

Like the US, we are heavily invested in oil/petrol. As a result of this, it's drummed into us from a very early age that cars are a necessity, and that it is impossible to live without one. I'd also be willing to bet that we spend less, relatively speaking, on providing reliable public transport in the UK compared to, say, Germany.

Services that are somewhat reliable tend to charge a lot more. It's not uncommon where I live to hear people say they 'could have hired a car' for the amount that they would spend on bus tickets.
>> No. 9454 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 12:37 pm
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>>9453

>Like the US, we are heavily invested in oil/petrol. As a result of this, it's drummed into us from a very early age that cars are a necessity, and that it is impossible to live without one.

Maybe. But you are forgetting that school runs are only a recent phenomenon of the last 20 to 25 years or so. Our "heavy investment" in oil and cars didn't really look all that different in the 90s or even the 80s.

I think that it's really helicopter parents who are to blame, and the old folk myths of child-snatching nonces that have resurfaced in recent years. Our culture has an unhealthy obsession with our kids. Add to that a pervasive and ever-present climate of fear in the post-9/11 world and parents' omnipresent fears of losing their jobs and status, in times when everybody is fully replaceable.

But still, we are fucked up, and we are raising fucked-up children.
>> No. 9455 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 2:52 pm
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>>9452
As a lad who had to walk for bastard miles everyday to get to school and back I can assure you that it didn't do me any good. Do you think I jumped out of bed in the morning and got to school in good order on those cold winter mornings? Did I fuck and in honesty my parents could've done a better job dropping me off on their drive to work.

Stop being a conformity-nonce just because the narrative sounds popular.
>> No. 9456 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 5:32 pm
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>>9455

I lived 1.5 miles from school when I was a younglad. There was a bus going from the bus stop 300 metres away, but it required you to get up 45 minutes earlier than you would have had to to catch a lift with Daddy who was going into work, or to ride your bicycle to school.

Which meant that usually, I would ride my bike to school, because it allowed me to leave from home just 10-15 minutes before school started (our neighbourhood was on a hilltop and the school was down in a valley, so it was pretty much just one big stretch downhill).

Except for grim winter mornings when our dad did give my brother and me a lift on his way to work, our parents would always tell us that getting to school was our responsibility, not theirs. And they felt that, within reason, you were never too young to learn responsibility for yourself.

All the competitive parenting mums will probably spit out their homemade organic gluten-free cupcakes with disgust at such a statement, but in truth, it did teach us independence and self-reliance, even as ten-year-old boys.

Would it have been nice to catch a lift with Dad every morning, who was more or less going in that same direction anyway? Yes. But in the end, I still think it was the right thing to do to let us fend for ourselves. I never thought my dad was an arsehole for only giving us a lift in the worst of weathers. That was how it was done in our family, and that was that.

When I have kids, I will do the same. Here's hoping my future wife won't be some helicopter mum who will think that that's all a no-go.
>> No. 9457 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 5:46 pm
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>>9452
>What makes us so vastly different as a country that we have to have traffic jams in front of schools every morning, and parents practically walking their kids into the classroom?

Paedo hysteria.
>> No. 9459 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 6:25 pm
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>>9457

Is it hysteria though? As a country we do seem to have more than other countries ranging from the Saville mega paedos down to toy shop operatives.
>> No. 9460 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 6:44 pm
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>>9459

Hm. I seem to recall that national crime statistics have shown a very robust decrease in sexual crimes against children in recent years.

It's easy to fall into mean world syndrome... but reality often isn't quite as grim as you make it out to be.
>> No. 9461 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 6:52 pm
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>>9460

Nonce enabler detected!
>> No. 9462 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 7:12 pm
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>>9461

Oh do fuck off.
>> No. 9465 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 8:24 pm
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>>9461

You're going to have to explain this picture.
>> No. 9466 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 8:43 pm
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>>9461
Adrian Chiles?
>> No. 9467 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 8:50 pm
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>>9460

I recall based on another thread digging through the NSPCC website and finding the definition of child sexual abuse being absurdly broad (children kissing other (all be it unwilling) children in normal play, and teenagers showing other teenagers porno being 'child abuse'). To try justify their existence by painting some sort of epidemic in number of 'victims'.
>> No. 9470 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 9:55 pm
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>>9466

I clicked on the image because that bird's left arm looks like an overly realistic dildo. I cannot un-see it.
>> No. 9472 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 11:23 pm
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>>9470

Well done, you. That was the point of that picture.
>> No. 9473 Anonymous
28th January 2016
Thursday 11:44 pm
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>>9470
I can't even make it look like her arm.
>> No. 9474 Anonymous
29th January 2016
Friday 1:44 pm
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>>9466
That's some impressive cock-in-a-glass.
>> No. 9526 Anonymous
8th February 2016
Monday 6:46 pm
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The latest from Hudds.

>She has been working hard capturing both mice and commuter’s hearts for the past five years. Now Huddersfield’s resident station cat Felix has received a purr-motion and a posh uniform to be envied by many a moggy. Felix has been named the railway station’s Senior Pest Controller, and is living proof in furry form that purr-severing with hard work can pay off.

http://www.examiner.co.uk/news/west-yorkshire-news/felix-huddersfield-station-cat-gets-10822899
>> No. 9532 Anonymous
8th February 2016
Monday 8:22 pm
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>>9453

In the US we send our kids to school largely in the same way the continental Europeans apparently do.
>> No. 9533 Anonymous
8th February 2016
Monday 11:01 pm
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>>9532

Armed?
>> No. 9534 Anonymous
8th February 2016
Monday 11:04 pm
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>>9533

I giggled internally.
>> No. 9536 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 1:15 pm
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>>9526

This is the kind of sheep that the wool is spun from which is being pulled over our eyes.

And people are content sucking up fuzzy warm non-news like this, firmly barricaded inside their own bubble, ingoring all the world's problems that need solving while they prefer to watch Jeremy Kyle or Big Brother.

THIS is why the global elites succeed at subduing the common people.

I can hear Immanuel Kant rotating in his grave.

"Enlightenment is man’s leaving his self-caused immaturity. Immaturity is the incapacity to use one's intelligence without the guidance of another. Such immaturity is self-caused if it is not caused by lack of intelligence, but by lack of determination and courage to use one's intelligence without being guided by another."
>> No. 9538 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 1:40 pm
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>>9536

Has anyone ever suggested you might have schizophrenia? I only ask because you have paranoid delusions. One puff piece in a local paper where they struggle to find real news on their over stretched budget, does not mean that the new world order has taken over.
>> No. 9539 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 1:44 pm
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>>9538

>One puff piece in a local paper where they struggle to find real news on their over stretched budget, does not mean that the new world order has taken over

That's what THEY want you to believe, m8.
>> No. 9540 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 1:52 pm
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>>9538
>>9539

Not him,but I do find it quite hard to ignore the subtext of the piece in the context of Tory government cuts and the benefit scrounger narrative.

Look at this cat. This cat works harder than you. And he's more cost effective. The is no living wage in the currency of Whiskers. He even lives at work.
>> No. 9542 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 2:30 pm
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>>9540

With an ability like that to bend all information to have a hidden meaning demonstrating you are discriminated against you'd make an excellent feminist academic.
>> No. 9543 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 2:37 pm
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>>9540
In fairness Felix is adorable and I'm glad to read about his antics whereas the poor are generally unlikeable and reading about their hardships is depressing stuff that already know and cannot be helped.

Just being honest. This how how Cameron remains in power.
>> No. 9544 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 2:39 pm
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>>9543

both pigs AND dogs now!
>> No. 9546 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 3:09 pm
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>>9542

To be honest I think Felix the Station Cat as a tool of burgeoisie propaganda makes a hell of a lot more sense than anything involving the patriarchy.
>> No. 9554 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 6:42 pm
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>>9540
It's a wank article about a cat.

You people really need a cockslap.
>> No. 9555 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 7:16 pm
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>>9554
>wank article

How can an article using the puns purr-motion and paw-sition be wank? You people, honestly.
>> No. 9556 Anonymous
9th February 2016
Tuesday 9:15 pm
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>>9555

Hm... I normally only wank to pictures or videos... not articles...
>> No. 9559 Anonymous
10th February 2016
Wednesday 5:34 am
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>>9555
Now we're just getting catty.
>> No. 9560 Anonymous
10th February 2016
Wednesday 11:44 am
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>>9559

Fat chance.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03j3dwc
>> No. 9561 Anonymous
10th February 2016
Wednesday 5:35 pm
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I live in Cornwall, land of the mundane news stories, although yours does take the piss a bit.

http://www.cornishguardian.co.uk/Anger-Newquay-irresponsible-dog-owners-leave-bags/story-28699634-detail/story.html
>> No. 9562 Anonymous
10th February 2016
Wednesday 5:52 pm
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>>9561

I keep seeing round Birmingham, people who have gone to all the effort of bagging their dogs shit up, tied up the bag, and then just dropped it on the floor. It's just baffling, if you're not going to throw it in the bin, save your time and just leave it.
>> No. 9563 Anonymous
10th February 2016
Wednesday 7:49 pm
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>>9561

>Nor is it a rare bird, or an offering to the pagan gods of spring.

You know your four years at liberal arts college weren't wasted if you get to pen lines like this for a local news piece.
>> No. 9569 Anonymous
11th February 2016
Thursday 2:19 pm
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>>9561

Same. Here's a personal favourite

http://www.falmouthpacket.co.uk/news/11513725.No_point_crying_over_spilt_milk__say_passengers/
>> No. 9579 Anonymous
11th February 2016
Thursday 5:05 pm
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>>9569
Wait a second, is there actually someone else on this board who's been in Falmouth all this time?
>> No. 9582 Anonymous
11th February 2016
Thursday 9:39 pm
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>>9569
Haha big up Falmouth. One of my favourite places to partake in drug abuse
>> No. 9597 Anonymous
16th February 2016
Tuesday 7:12 pm
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>>9448
>>9450
>PARENTS have been spotted smoking cannabis on the school run, it has been revealed. Worried mums and dads saw individuals smoking spliffs as they dropped their children off at St John’s Primary in Radcliffe.

>The school has reported the issue to police and has warned that parents that they need to 'set a good example' for their children. The school deputy headteacher Deborah Binns sent a letter to parents on February 11 explaining the situation.

http://www.theboltonnews.co.uk/news/14279119.Parents_spotted_smoking_cannabis_while_dropping_their_children_off_for_school/
>> No. 9598 Anonymous
16th February 2016
Tuesday 10:10 pm
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>>9597
Fantastic story. Doesn't every parent start the day with a bit of Wake & Bake?
>> No. 9599 Anonymous
17th February 2016
Wednesday 2:20 pm
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>>9597
The loonies have taken over the asylum it seems.
>> No. 9600 Anonymous
17th February 2016
Wednesday 5:43 pm
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>>9599
>loonies

It's all that WACKY backy.
>> No. 9601 Anonymous
18th February 2016
Thursday 4:20 pm
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>>9600
Well obviously. To be clear, I'm no subscriber to 'reefer madness' ideas but everything has a time and a place. You wouldn't be drinking a pint on the school run, I don't see weed as that much different in that respect.
>> No. 9602 Anonymous
19th February 2016
Friday 11:28 am
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>>9601

>You wouldn't be drinking a pint on the school run

Obviously, you didn't grow up in North London.
>> No. 9603 Anonymous
19th February 2016
Friday 12:56 pm
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>>9438

More importantly, the attention of which media and news is given detracts from a sensible world; those who can only see the world in linear temporal events are more likely to be less perceptual. Past and future domimate the mind where the present is often unseen, unfelt and unheard. It's all Maya.
>> No. 9604 Anonymous
19th February 2016
Friday 2:26 pm
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>>9602
No, but my entire family is from north London. They all still managed to avoid becoming degenerates.
>> No. 9785 Anonymous
8th March 2016
Tuesday 10:18 pm
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http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2016/03/08/449-brilliantly-underwhelming-local-news-headlines-from-across-the-uk/
>> No. 9789 Anonymous
9th March 2016
Wednesday 1:37 am
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>>9785
I grew up in a rural area and our local newspaper was a constant source of amusement. Someone's wing mirror got dinged? Page two, police are asking for anyone who saw the incident to call in. Young lads shouting something homophobic at someone's house on a Friday night, police called to calm the situation? Front page gold, right there.

I went to visit a mate in my late teens who lived in some south London shithole and the local newspaper there was full of single mums injecting their babies with heroin and OD'ing, gangs of youths battering grannies and nicking their shopping, horrible shit like this.

It was a bit of an eye-opener.
>> No. 9792 Anonymous
9th March 2016
Wednesday 12:51 pm
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>>9789

My ex girlfriend's parents lived in a rural village in Devon. And what qualified as news there was equally bewildering. One time, a mobile cement mixer was stolen in the night from a small local builder's business and was then the next day found again in a nearby creek. Clearly, it was some bored disaffected teenlads who for some reason thought it was fun to nick that cement mixer in the middle of the night, drag it across 200 metres of meadow, and then push it down a 30-foot embankment into that creek.

Anyway, that story became a two-column news item in the local paper the following Monday, and two days later, the fact that there was "still no lead on the cement mixer thieves" was worth another in-depth article to them.
>> No. 10789 Anonymous
1st June 2016
Wednesday 9:41 pm
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Man 'left looking like Adolf Hitler' in his passport picture

http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/man-left-looking-like-adolf-11412791
>> No. 10790 Anonymous
1st June 2016
Wednesday 10:29 pm
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>>9785
>49 brilliantly underwhelming local news headlines from across the UK
I'm not sure which was more underwhelming, finding out that my old town council was living dangerously with both getting a colour copier and stacking their tables in a different way, or that they somehow couldn't find a 50th "brilliantly underwhelming local news headline".
>> No. 10791 Anonymous
2nd June 2016
Thursday 5:06 pm
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oswFDlcQaSQ
>> No. 10866 Anonymous
13th June 2016
Monday 6:35 pm
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>A police officer wore a woolly hat with the words "I love weed" while on duty and defaced a suspect's CV with the words "kiddie fiddler" and "paedo" during an investigation into allegations of child abuse, a disciplinary hearing has been told.

http://www.chardandilminsternews.co.uk/news/national/14552733.Misconduct_hearing_for_policeman_accused_over_woolly_hat__weed__slogan/
>> No. 10903 Anonymous
17th June 2016
Friday 9:31 pm
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Cat saves woman from heart attack.

http://www.lichfieldmercury.co.uk/lichfield-cat-saved-owner-from-heart-attack/story-29410284-detail/story.html
>> No. 10906 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 12:46 am
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Restaurant sends nasty tweet about job candidate.
http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/restaurant-tweeted-the-worst-candidate-11488650#rlabs=1%20rt$category%20p$2
>> No. 10908 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 12:58 am
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>>10906

> “I asked about the salary and they said it was £18,500 for a chef de partie role,”

Are chefs really paid such a measly salary? I thought they could make mad dosh since they were paid hourly and worked lots of overtime.
>> No. 10909 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 1:26 am
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>>10908

My understanding, from chefs and those who know them, is that it's generally quite a shite wage.
>> No. 10910 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 12:58 pm
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>>10909

This. Chefs don't make loads of money.

But - a friend of mine was training as a chef ten years ago, and he told me back then that it really greatly depends on where you work.

An ordinary restaurant will not pay well, but if you're good at what you do and manage to get a job at some fancy expensive place, then you can work your way up to a decent salary. When we last spoke, he was making a little over £25,000 as one of the head chefs at a country house hotel. I think that's not too bad.
>> No. 10911 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 1:21 pm
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>>10910
You'd have to pay me a hell of a lot more than £25k to work my arse off in a sweaty windowless kitchen on my feet for stupid hours every week.

Though they must be able to shag some decent waitresses, which is a bonus I suppose.
>> No. 10912 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 1:54 pm
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>>10908

I'd be surprised if that really meant salary. Normally they advertise £18k, but what they mean is £7.20 an hour at fifty hours a week, or whatever.

>>10910

£25k is pretty dismal for a head chef, unless the place is tiny. I was on £25k basic as a sous chef, not counting OTE bonuses.

>>10911

It's one of those daft careers you don't really do for money. If you're good enough, you'll be comfortable on a head chef's wage, but anything below that and you're definitely being underpaid for your skilled work.

I currently get £38k a year as a head chef, plus a potential extra £8k a year in bonuses based on profit, wage margins, and feedback scores. Its not too difficult to hit them. But it's taken me a long, long time of making a pittance to get to this point.

And yeah, banging waitresses is a pretty decent perk.
>> No. 10913 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 2:07 pm
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>>10910
> he was making a little over £25,000 as one of the head chefs at a country house hotel. I think that's not too bad
I get that much entering data into a database. How has he not killed himself yet? I'm pretty sure I will kill myself in this year.
>> No. 10917 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 2:24 pm
10917 spacer
>>10911

Everything has its pros and cons.

Some people will take that over being a pencil pusher in a dull office desk job, even if that desk job pays 10 grand more.

I've always been a fan of the idea that (within reason!), doing a job that you enjoy but doesn't pay stellar salaries is better than a self-loathing-inducing job that's great money.

>>10912

>£25k is pretty dismal for a head chef, unless the place is tiny.

I think he said something that it's a three-star country house hotel in the East Midlands somewhere. They've got two head chefs, it might be that my friend is some sort of junior head chef. I don't know, I don't really know the industry besides going to restaurants to eat.

>>10913

>I get that much entering data into a database.

I know somebody who worked his way up from exactly that, with a degree in geology, at an oil and gas exploration company. The pay was rotten in the beginning, about £20K. But then again, with a geology degree, you are lucky to be working in your field of study. Or working at all.

Anyway, he is now a team lead at their offices in Aberdeen and makes a healthy £60,000 a year and still has room to climb on the career ladder.
>> No. 10921 Anonymous
21st June 2016
Tuesday 5:33 pm
10921 spacer
>A WOMAN who exposed herself and defecated in a busy supermarket car park has made a 'sincere apology', police say.

>The 44-year-old woman was seen by shoppers pulling her trousers down and staggering around before defecating in the Asda Bilton car park on Sunday afternoon.

http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/woman-who-defecated-in-asda-bilton-car-park-says-sorry-after-police-warning/story-29425770-detail/story.html
>> No. 10930 Anonymous
21st June 2016
Tuesday 11:26 pm
10930 spacer
>>10921

I could half understand urinating in a car park, or rather on the side of it near a hedge, where this woman seems to have been.

But to take a shit there is just uncalled for.
>> No. 10932 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 1:04 am
10932 spacer
>>10930

Women are monsters.

https://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/why-do-women-keep-shitting-in-supermarkets
>> No. 10934 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 11:43 am
10934 spacer
>>10932

> Karl Marx predicted that the proletariat will revolt if there is enough class-consciousness. The brilliance of this theory is that it cannot be falsified: that the revolution hasn't occurred yet doesn't mean it will never happen, it only means that here is not enough class-consciousness yet. So this could well be the start of the revolution.


Not having read Das Kapital, I may be wrong, but Karl Marx probably didn't write anything about people purposely shitting in public places to incite revolution.

That said, Henry Ford offered a slightly similar observation:

"It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning."
>> No. 10935 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 12:14 pm
10935 spacer
>>10932
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1vf6xo/i_do_your_bikini_waxes_and_we_need_to_talk/
>> No. 10936 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 1:18 pm
10936 spacer
>>10935

I don't know... our mum always made sure we would shower right before going to a doctor's appointment, or brush our teeth before going to the dentist.

I still do this today. I try to put doctor's appointments either in the morning or in the evening, so that either I've just showered after getting out of bed, or so that I will have had time to go home and have a quick shower after work before going to see a doc. Dentist appointments are an exception in that I just brush my teeth at the office right before leaving for the appointment.

Women really are worse about personal hygiene at times. Yes, they will shower, slap on their best perfume and put on their most seductive lingerie if they know they will have sex with you that evening. They will routinely wrinkle their nose at what they perceive as men's lack of interest in preventing body odours, and they will chide you for not washing your clothes the right way, for leaving dirty socks and empty pizza boxes in the livingroom, and for leaving microscopic piss droplets on the toilet seat.

But talk to any toilet attendant at a public restroom, for example at a club or even at a train station, and they will tell you that women are pigs with their toilet hygiene. There will be piss and water on the floor, more so than in the men's room, there will be toilet paper scattered all around, and sanitary pads will plug up the toilet bowl.

Women are simply better at covering their tracks and having the rest of the world believe they're uber cleanly beings.
>> No. 10937 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 6:28 pm
10937 spacer
>>10936
My friend at uni house shared with a bunch of girls and there were constant skidmarks in the toilet, sometimes pubes on the seat too, and shaved hair left unrinsed in the bathtub.
>> No. 10938 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 6:34 pm
10938 spacer
>>10937
I did too, women are fucking filthy. They were so squeamish about basic work like cleaning up that they paid me £5 to take the bins out.
>> No. 10939 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 6:53 pm
10939 spacer
>>10936
>>10937
>>10938
Women never lift the toilet seat up, so they go their whole life not realising the amount of splashback they leave on the underside of it, right near the front. Disgusting creatures, the lot of 'em.
>> No. 10940 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 8:12 pm
10940 spacer
>>10937
>>10938
>>10939

Another misconception is that woman tenants take better care of a flat they have leased. They may light scented candles and vacuum the floor, wipe down the cabinets and clean the windows regularly, but one of my parents' friends owns a few properties for rent, and according to him, it is usually electrical appliances and technical fixtures in a flat that deteriorate over time with woman tenants. Men are more prone to trying to fix something when it starts breaking down, or at least have it fixed. Whereas women will tend to just keep using an appliance until it breaks down entirely.

For example, my washing machine is starting to make grinding noises. I know that that's a sign that the bearings are starting to seize up, and I have started looking online for replacement parts which I intend to install myself. I've fixed my own cars since I was a teenlad, so hopefully, with a bit of information gathered from the Internet, this should be a piece of piss. The alternative would be to just wait for the bearings to start locking up, in which case the washing machine motor will eventually burn through. Which will be a lot more expensive than buying new bearings in time.
>> No. 10941 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 9:11 pm
10941 spacer
>>10940
I've lived in 2 houses now as the only man and I can corroborate what everyone is saying. Its sad how they are genuinely afraid of simple jobs considering men stepped up long ago to learn how to iron and sow.

Deport them all to Venus I say. Those that survive will at least have learnt what you need to do when a fuse trips.
>> No. 10942 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 9:24 pm
10942 spacer
>>10940
I hope this is a troll.
>> No. 10943 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 11:05 pm
10943 spacer
>>10942
No, it's the bearings wearing out, can't you even bloody read?
>> No. 10944 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 11:13 pm
10944 spacer
>>10943
If you've not yet looked inside, how would you know the difference between the bearings wearing out and a troll living in your washing machine imitating the sound of the bearings wearing out?
>> No. 10946 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 11:24 pm
10946 spacer
>>10944
How do you know that's not just how trolls speak? That's like saying all Chinkies sound like "ching chong nip nong nong". Racist.
>> No. 10947 Anonymous
22nd June 2016
Wednesday 11:28 pm
10947 spacer
>>10940
Are you a tenant? If so, your landlord is supposed to fix that for you at no cost to you.
>> No. 10948 Anonymous
23rd June 2016
Thursday 12:00 pm
10948 spacer
>>10947

Yes, I rent. But I bought my own washing machine, as the flat came without one.
>> No. 10961 Anonymous
3rd July 2016
Sunday 12:11 pm
10961 spacer
"Early-morning milk snatcher doing the rounds in Derbyshire!"

Read more: http://www.derbyshiretimes.co.uk/news/early-morning-milk-snatcher-doing-the-rounds-in-derbyshire-1-7994398#ixzz4DLKSWMG0
>> No. 11024 Anonymous
7th July 2016
Thursday 3:26 pm
11024 spacer
Coachloads of Chinese tourists flocking to Kidlington to pose for selfies splits opinion among baffled locals

http://www.banburycake.co.uk/news/14599799.Coachloads_of_tourists_flock_to_suburbs_to_pose_for_selfies_leaving_locals_bemused/

Also, no, it appears that it's a genuine paper and it really is called that.
>> No. 11120 Anonymous
11th July 2016
Monday 7:22 pm
11120 spacer

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The Facebook page "Angry People in Local Newspapers" is full of non-articles like this.

https://www.facebook.com/angrypeopleinlocalnewspapers/
>> No. 11121 Anonymous
11th July 2016
Monday 7:34 pm
11121 spacer
>>11024
Having encountered the hordes of rude Chinese tourists in multiple countries, I knew it was only a matter of time before they got here. It's happening.
>> No. 11122 Anonymous
11th July 2016
Monday 7:38 pm
11122 spacer
>>11121

Rude Chinese? They're probably from Hong Kong.
>> No. 11129 Anonymous
11th July 2016
Monday 8:36 pm
11129 spacer
>>11122

Hong Kongers are a delight compared to mainlanders. Mainlanders who can afford to travel internationally are dreadful nouveau-riche types.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8Kum8OUTuk
>> No. 11168 Anonymous
13th July 2016
Wednesday 11:25 pm
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>>11120
>> No. 11394 Anonymous
18th August 2016
Thursday 10:02 pm
11394 spacer

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http://www.kentlive.news/lover-not-convicted-of-sex-romp-with-girlfriend-whose-clothing-kept-falling-down/story-29624427-detail/story.html

>A man '110 per cent did not have sex with jailed mum-of-five Maxine Cocks in a park'

Some of my favourite bits from the report:

>They had just come from Ramsgate station and Cocks had a strawberry coloured onesie on that barely covered her breasts.

>He said: "We were messing about in the park. Maxine fell over a couple of times. Maxine's breasts fell out. She seemed to think it was funny. It was annoying. It got to a point where she didn't care.

>"I was pinned down and Maxine was on top of me. I did not pull my trousers down. Maxine was under the influence of drugs - having sex with her would be like taking advantage of somebody who was p*ssed, 110 per cent I never had sex with Maxine in the park. She was still on top of me when the police turned up."

Fuck I love living in Thanet. We haz proper slags here!
>> No. 11395 Anonymous
19th August 2016
Friday 7:22 pm
11395 spacer

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A bride whose brother died weeks before her wedding has made him a part of the day with a "miracle" photo.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-37119884

I can't cope with this. It's hilarious and freaking me out in equal measure.
>> No. 11396 Anonymous
19th August 2016
Friday 7:53 pm
11396 IMPORTANT UPDATE FROM HUDDERSFIELD
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113961139611396
>>9526

Felix the cat is doing a 5K run for charity.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-37050891
>> No. 11397 Anonymous
19th August 2016
Friday 8:37 pm
11397 spacer
>>11121
Did you get that impression of rudeness from
>They are always very courteous

Or perhaps
>They do get very excited about it and really enjoy taking pictures in front of the gardens and flowers.
THOSE BLOODY SAVAGES. Take pictures of our flowers, will they? I suppose next they'll be capturing our dogs and barbequing them in the streets.
>> No. 11398 Anonymous
19th August 2016
Friday 8:37 pm
11398 spacer
>>11394
>David Nelson, defending, said police had only one witness who claimed he saw Mr Sharp with his trousers down. He said to make the conviction stick the prosecution needed two witnesses to the act.
Christ is that all the burden of proof requires? 'Not one witness but two'?
>> No. 11399 Anonymous
26th August 2016
Friday 9:08 pm
11399 spacer
>>11394

So... erm... if he had reciprocated her sexual advances... could you say that he would have been pleasuring Cocks?
>> No. 11400 Anonymous
27th August 2016
Saturday 12:43 am
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http://www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/staffie-stolen-brazen-thieves-who-11807023

>A Staffie has been stolen by brazen thieves who bundled the dog into a car just yards away from her owner’s home.

>The dog’s owner and police are appealing for information following the theft of the brindle-coloured Staffordshire bull terrier which answers to the name Meg.

>Three-year-old Meg was stolen from the area around Kings Road and Henry Street in North Ormesby after she wandered off sometime between 7.10pm and 7.20pm on Monday evening.


If that doesn't warrant a full U.N. emergency assembly, I don't know what does.
>> No. 11401 Anonymous
27th August 2016
Saturday 12:45 am
11401 spacer
>>11400
>A Staffie has been stolen by brazen thieves who bundled the dog into a car just yards away from her owner’s home.
The bastards. Why couldn't they pick it up and carry it half a mile down the road before bundling it into a car?
>> No. 11402 Anonymous
27th August 2016
Saturday 1:13 am
11402 spacer
>>11397

They love black people in china and SE asia. Well, they find them ridiculous and they mock them. A friend who worked in Laos said the locals would just laugh in the faces of anyone of African descent doing the some job as him.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxqzD29gBF8


Recently I've come to think of the culture of celebrity and the fandom that comes with it as something like Pokemon. People see a celebrity and go, "Shit, there goes a rare one! Take its picture!". Some people will ask for photos or autographs, but some people really do make a hobby out of it, like collecting stamps. I really do not understand why anyone would do this, especially not D-List UK celebrities that attend club nights to boost attendance. So I'm starting to think that it's either: people see someone that they've only seen in the media before, and get that Pokemon Go feeling that they've gotta catch 'em all/the moment, or that the people who are into that whole thing really do actually believe that being on TV = you're better than everyone else (otherwise, like, why would they put you on TV in the first place, I mean, duuuh).

Bit of a tangent. But that video of the Chinamen photographing the black guy makes me think it's more the former, with a sprinkle of the latter on top, because of this:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfDXAA2MCD8
>> No. 11403 Anonymous
27th August 2016
Saturday 12:54 pm
11403 spacer
>>11402

You wouldn't think that non-white minorities would be racist against each other, but it does happen. Black people are indeed looked down on by some Southeast Asians.

I used to go to an Asian supermarket in East London regularly to get my ingredients for Asian dishes, and one time, the owner was shooing away two young black guys who were just hanging around in front of his shop. And then he turned to me and said in his Chinese accent, "They're bad for business, and I don't want them here".
>> No. 11404 Anonymous
27th August 2016
Saturday 6:57 pm
11404 spacer
>>11403
>Black people are indeed looked down on by some Southeast Asians.
I actually witnessed the opposite of this once. A black woman shouting at an elderly Chinese man at a bus stop, about how Chinese people are scum and should be wiped off the face of the earth (her actual words).

My instictive reaction was "how could a black person possibly have an issue with Chinese people?", then I quickly realised that very thought process is a reflection of my own subconcious prejudices.
>> No. 11406 Anonymous
27th August 2016
Saturday 8:57 pm
11406 spacer
>>11404

>My instictive reaction was "how could a black person possibly have an issue with Chinese people?", then I quickly realised that very thought process is a reflection of my own subconcious prejudices.

Yeah, prejudice is a strange thing. I'm sure at that moment, it kind of blew your mind that a member of one ethnic minority would go against the member of another ethnic minority.

But even that already shows what kind of an ignorant world we live in as white people. People of minorities not behaving like a minority member, and putting themselves at the giving end of racism for once?? Pah, preposterous!!
>> No. 11407 Anonymous
27th August 2016
Saturday 9:09 pm
11407 spacer
>how could a black person possibly have an issue with Chinese people?

I'm curious too, the Chinese have been one of of the great civilisations of human history, blacks have a few sticks in the mud as their history.
>> No. 11408 Anonymous
27th August 2016
Saturday 9:12 pm
11408 spacer
>>11402

Most Chinese people have never met a black person, even in big cities. There isn't much malice, they're just a curious novelty. Attitudes are starting to change, mainly through sport. The Chinese are mad about basketball, so some retired or failed NBA players are playing in the Chinese leagues.

The really weird thing is that Chinese companies will hire white people to stand around at business events. They're used as a sort of prestigious window dressing.

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/chinas-rent-a-foreigner-industry-is-still-a-real-thing
>> No. 11409 Anonymous
27th August 2016
Saturday 9:17 pm
11409 spacer
>>11408
I was in Evian last year and several groups of Chinese tourists started photographing and posing with a black girl, probably about 9 or 10 years old, just minding her own business in a playground. It was quite surreal.
>> No. 11410 Anonymous
27th August 2016
Saturday 9:29 pm
11410 spacer
>>11409

My great-granddad took part in the allied invasion of Germany at the end of WWII. When I was little, he told me once that when they entered Germany together with the Americans, there were a lot of Germans who were quite bewildered at the sight of a black person (the Americans in particular apparently had quite a few black people among their troops). Because there had really not been many black people living in Germany, so for many of the locals, those black soldiers were the first people of colour that they had ever seen with their own eyes.
>> No. 11412 Anonymous
28th August 2016
Sunday 8:01 am
11412 spacer
>>11408
>will hire white people to stand around at business events
I think I'm qualified for this role. Where do I apply?
>> No. 11413 Anonymous
28th August 2016
Sunday 6:37 pm
11413 spacer
>>11407

Yes. I'm curious as to why god decided to visit backwards tribal illiterate people in the Middle East region a few thousand years ago and get them to write books based upon his (made up nonsense) will. Surely it would have been better to go to China where they had literature, science and a society far far more advanced.
>> No. 11414 Anonymous
1st September 2016
Thursday 9:29 pm
11414 spacer
An uncle out with his five-year-old nephew has spoken of his disgust at seeing a man having a poo in a carrier bag on a main road into Skegness.

http://www.skegnessstandard.co.uk/news/local/man-caught-on-camera-having-poo-in-bag-in-skegness-1-7554241
>> No. 11487 Anonymous
15th September 2016
Thursday 1:50 am
11487 spacer
>>11414

>The image was shared by more than 100 people with many agreeing it wasn’t something people wanted to see

And yet, over a hundred people shared it with somebody.

Have a word with yourselves.
>> No. 11488 Anonymous
15th September 2016
Thursday 9:36 am
11488 spacer
BREAKING NEWS

Woman sent to hospital for tests.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-37317238
>> No. 11489 Anonymous
15th September 2016
Thursday 10:13 am
11489 spacer
>>11488

The woman is 12th in line of succession, right behind Lady Louise Windsor, daughter of the Earl of Wessex, what if a tornado picked up buckingham palace with everyone important in it? Suddenly doesn't look so stupid reporting she had a test does it!
>> No. 11490 Anonymous
15th September 2016
Thursday 10:31 am
11490 spacer
This is old news, from 2008, but it's stayed in my head as it's so bizarre:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/hampshire/7505443.stm

"Hmm... he was the last tenant in this tower block, which had been bought by property developers and was due to be destroyed, but he refused to move on. And now here he is with his head cut off with a chainsaw. Sound suspicious to you, constable?"

"Well, I-"

"Shut the fuck up, I'm the detective. This case is a dead-end, obviously he did it himself. Everyone else had moved out, he was the only person left in the whole building. That was due to be redeveloped."

"Yes but that's what I'm saying, how could-"

"You little fucking toe-rag, shut your mouth before I shut it for you, you walking cadaver."


SOUND SUSPICIOUS TO YOU GUYS?!
>> No. 11491 Anonymous
15th September 2016
Thursday 10:32 am
11491 spacer
>>11490

"There's nothing suspicious about the death"
Spokesman for coroner

'Cause it sure wasn't suspicious to them.
>> No. 11492 Anonymous
15th September 2016
Thursday 11:53 am
11492 spacer
>>11490

I just dug around for info on this, apparently when they went the flat they found he had set up a weird death machine using a chainsaw, snooker table, one of those plug timers you use for lights, some string and a cardboard box.
>> No. 11493 Anonymous
15th September 2016
Thursday 12:06 pm
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>>11492
> he had set up a weird death machine using a chainsaw, snooker table, one of those plug timers you use for lights, some string and a cardboard box.

Picture of the man has been released.
>> No. 11494 Anonymous
15th September 2016
Thursday 1:12 pm
11494 spacer
>>11490
I think I remember that one. The first draft of the story didn't have much information other than there was a saw injury and repeatedly stressing that the authorities were saying it wasn't suspicious.
>> No. 11499 Anonymous
15th September 2016
Thursday 4:18 pm
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Just tripped over this facebook group, thought .gs might be interested;

https://www.facebook.com/angrypeopleinlocalnewspapers/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED
>> No. 11501 Anonymous
16th September 2016
Friday 1:15 am
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http://www.shropshirestar.com/news/emergency-services/2016/09/13/pictures-bus-carrying-children-and-concrete-lorry-crash-on-narrow-shropshire-road/

>A bus believed to be carrying children and a cement mixer lorry crashed in Shropshire today.

>The crash happened just after 7.30am and involved an Arriva 511 bus and a ready mix concrete lorry.

>It happened on Sherwood Bank between Preston Brockhurst on the A49 and the village of Clive.

>Nearby resident Dave Cartman witnessed the incident.

>He said: "This road is very narrow in places.

>"No one was hurt, there were three children on the bus but were sitting on the opposite side.


The horror... the sheer unspeakable horror!!
>> No. 11503 Anonymous
16th September 2016
Friday 8:36 am
11503 spacer
>>11501
Why was the bus carrying a cement mixer?
>> No. 11504 Anonymous
16th September 2016
Friday 1:40 pm
11504 spacer
>>11501

>He said: "This road is very narrow in places.

You don't say, Sherlock.
>> No. 11506 Anonymous
17th September 2016
Saturday 12:21 am
11506 spacer
>>11503

>Why was the bus carrying a cement mixer?

Learn to read, lad. It says the bus was carrying a cement mixer lorry.
>> No. 11507 Anonymous
17th September 2016
Saturday 6:43 am
11507 spacer
>>11506

The bus was carrying a cement mixer lorry winch was, in turn, carrying a cement mixer. Ergo, the bus was carrying, a priori, a cement mixer. QED, Father Fucker.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztvr4s3HUaY
>> No. 11510 Anonymous
23rd September 2016
Friday 7:09 pm
11510 spacer
>A woman turned up on the doorstep of a total stranger, urinated, made a bonfire, then put a brick through the window.

>Bethany Mewse, 23, was clutching a bottle of Lambrini as she turned up at the man’s Southwick home at 9am on July 31, Sunderland magistrates heard.

http://www.sunderlandecho.com/our-region/sunderland/sunderland-woman-turned-up-on-stranger-s-doorstep-urinated-made-bonfire-and-put-brick-through-window-1-8135363
>> No. 11511 Anonymous
23rd September 2016
Friday 8:10 pm
11511 spacer
>>11506
Learn to read yourself, the question was why?
>> No. 11512 Anonymous
24th September 2016
Saturday 8:08 pm
11512 spacer
>>11510

The north east is a nightmare scape.
>> No. 11513 Anonymous
24th September 2016
Saturday 8:12 pm
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>>11512
I think it's the fact this happened at 9am is what really finishes it off for me.
>> No. 11514 Anonymous
24th September 2016
Saturday 8:29 pm
11514 spacer
>>11513
What better way to start the day.
>> No. 11515 Anonymous
25th September 2016
Sunday 10:41 pm
11515 spacer
http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/14762284.Boy__11___punched_in_stomach_after_refusing_to_get_in_van_/

> AN 11-YEAR-OLD boy was allegedly punched in the stomach after refusing to get in a white van.

>Police said he was walking alone on the road when a white Transit van pulled up next to him and the driver asked him to get in.

>The boy refused then another man approached and punched the boy in the stomach, a Sussex Police spokesman said.


How rude. When I was that age, you were at least offered sweets before being asked to climb into a van.
>> No. 11560 Anonymous
7th October 2016
Friday 8:00 pm
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>A student teacher has spoken about how she got a vibrator stuck up her backside during sex.

>Emma Phillips, a mother of one from Wallasey, Merseyside, first thought boyfriend Lee had hidden the vibrator under a pillow as a prank. But then when she pressed down on her stomach she felt a buzzing inside her. They tried to remove it using a fork handle and barbecue prongs but all efforts failed.

http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/06/student-got-vibrator-stuck-up-her-backside-during-sex-with-boyfriend-6174685/

How wide must her arsehole have been to fit barbecue tongs up there? Like a yawning hippo.
>> No. 11561 Anonymous
7th October 2016
Friday 8:10 pm
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>>11560
She doesn't seem the type at all.

(blondes with dark eyebrows, tell it a mile away)
>> No. 11562 Anonymous
7th October 2016
Friday 9:54 pm
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>>11560>>11561
Moral of the story:

Never stick anything up your bum unless it has a flange.
>> No. 11563 Anonymous
7th October 2016
Friday 10:58 pm
11563 spacer
>>11562
She's a student teacher, it's not as if she'll be especially bright.
>> No. 11564 Anonymous
7th October 2016
Friday 11:02 pm
11564 spacer
>>11560

There are so many layers of poor judgement here, it's surreal. Firstly, sticking an unflanged dildo up your bum. Secondly, trying to remove it with barbecue tongs. Thirdly, going to the papers. Fourthly, letting them take your picture with said object, when you're a student teacher. She is going to be Miss Bumdildo for the remainder of her (presumably brief) career in teaching.

This is international news. Jesus wept.

http://www.berliner-kurier.de/news/panorama/not-op-statt-heisser-sex-nacht-autsch--vibrator-steckt-in-darm-von-studentin-fest--24860708
http://www.ayoye.com/nouvelles/elle-se-retrouve-avec-un-vibrateur-coince-dans-le-derriere-suite-a-une-partie-de-jambes-en-l-air-tres-intense
http://nyheter24.se/nyheter/utrikes/863546-dildon-fastnade-nar-emma-24-hade-sex-forsokte-fa-ut-den-med-en-gaffel
http://www.mundiario.com/articulo/sociedad/juguete-sexual-trajo-consecuencias-luego-tener-noche-copas/20161007192224069499.html
>> No. 11566 Anonymous
8th October 2016
Saturday 12:37 pm
11566 spacer
>>11564

>Thirdly, going to the papers.

Yes, that's the bit which I also understand the least. How chav do you have to be to think that's actually a story that you should a) go to a paper with, and b) which should be in a paper at all.

Also, the second picture with her in a pose of fake amazement is just daft. That's about as big a no-no in any photo ever as the notorious "thumbs up".
>> No. 11567 Anonymous
8th October 2016
Saturday 12:38 pm
11567 spacer
>>11566
I've always wondered this too - there are stories every day in the papers which make you think "why did you agree to this?" - I've always assumed that somehow the papers found out about the story, investigated and threaten to write the story anyway unless you co-operate.
>> No. 11569 Anonymous
8th October 2016
Saturday 12:51 pm
11569 spacer
>>11567
> I've always assumed that somehow the papers found out about the story, investigated and threaten to write the story anyway unless you co-operate.

They'd be on thin ice with that though, because then you can still sue them for privacy infringement. Or just plain blackmail.
>> No. 11570 Anonymous
8th October 2016
Saturday 1:10 pm
11570 spacer
>>11566>>11567
I'd imagine that, in this scenario, the pictures of her in the hospital bed were probably posted on Facebook by her boyfriend whilst they were still drunk, so if it's going to spread you might as well pose for pictures of you holding the vibrator and make the most of it.
>> No. 11571 Anonymous
8th October 2016
Saturday 1:17 pm
11571 spacer
>>11570

Another reason why social media is rubbish then.

If I have a choice between my anonymity and being known worldwide for accidentally ending up with a dildo up my arse that was difficult to get back out, I don't think that's a difficult choice to sort out.
>> No. 11647 Anonymous
16th October 2016
Sunday 11:38 am
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A dead deer which was discovered with a tree branch shoved into its rear and a McDonald’s bag wrapped around its head has been branded a ‘sadistic’ killing.

http://www.sloughexpress.co.uk/news/datchet/105625/mutilated-animals-found-in-datchet-and-colnbrook.html
>> No. 11648 Anonymous
16th October 2016
Sunday 12:44 pm
11648 spacer
>>11647

Broken Britain.
>> No. 11649 Anonymous
16th October 2016
Sunday 1:21 pm
11649 spacer
>>11647
Oh dear.
>> No. 11650 Anonymous
16th October 2016
Sunday 2:05 pm
11650 spacer
>>11647
Why did they blur it? Are deer meant to be properly dressed? Are they not allowed to walk around with their bollocks free?
>> No. 11651 Anonymous
16th October 2016
Sunday 3:12 pm
11651 spacer
It was probably sexual misadventure anyway, like when Kristian off of To Buy or Not To Buy died whilst having a stranglewank.

I bet the deer deliberately lowered itself onto a branch, before shoving its head in a McDonald's bag so it could huff Big Mac fumes for a proper hard stonk on, but then the branch snapped and punctured all its innards.
>> No. 11652 Anonymous
16th October 2016
Sunday 5:34 pm
11652 spacer
>>11651

Oh yeah, that actually happened didn't it.

Is it a bit morbid if being reminded of something like that really brightens up my day?
>> No. 11653 Anonymous
18th October 2016
Tuesday 7:58 pm
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Tesco apologises over 'Jimmy Savile' marmalade

http://www.sunderlandecho.com/our-region/county-durham/tesco-apologises-over-jimmy-savile-marmalade-1-8186706
>> No. 11654 Anonymous
18th October 2016
Tuesday 10:01 pm
11654 spacer
>>11653
Personally I would have laughed it off rather than contacting the local press about it. Some people have no sense of humour. Still she got a free voucher out of it.
>> No. 11655 Anonymous
18th October 2016
Tuesday 10:29 pm
11655 spacer
>>11654
You're a bit slow, aren't you? Presumably she made a noise in the hope that she'd get the voucher.
>> No. 11656 Anonymous
18th October 2016
Tuesday 10:50 pm
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>>11654
'Laughed it off'? Are you totally fucking oblivious?
>> No. 11657 Anonymous
19th October 2016
Wednesday 11:32 am
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>>11656

Which is worse - being admittedly oblivious, or having no sense of humour?
>> No. 11658 Anonymous
22nd October 2016
Saturday 12:57 pm
11658 Runcorn is a bit rough lads
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116581165811658
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-37734883
>> No. 11659 Anonymous
22nd October 2016
Saturday 3:05 pm
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>>11658

Who knew.
>> No. 11660 Anonymous
24th October 2016
Monday 4:26 pm
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http://www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/swan-found-decapitated-stockton-nature-12070647

Swan found decapitated at Stockton nature reserve

A swan was found decapitated at a Teesside nature reserve.

The animal was discovered by a member of the public at Bowesfield Nature Reserve yesterday.

Officers say it appears that a sharp implement was used to remove the bird’s head.

It is believed to be the third incident of this kind at the reserve and it comes after a number of separate unconnected attacks on wildlife this month.

Two sheep suffered fatal head injuries in a “brutal” attack near Redcar overnight on Tuesday October 18.

A ram and a lamb were both attacked with a blunt instrument, which may have been a piece of wood, leaving them with head injuries which killed them both.
>> No. 11661 Anonymous
24th October 2016
Monday 5:15 pm
11661 spacer
>>11660

I was watching a group of young teenagers trying to kill squirrels with big sticks in the park yesterday. The squirrels were far too fast and I was too craven to try to stop them otherwise.
>> No. 11662 Anonymous
24th October 2016
Monday 5:24 pm
11662 spacer
What would happen if a nuclear bomb hit Hull?

http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/what-would-happen-if-a-nuclear-bomb-hit-hull/story-29828814-detail/story.html

The question on everyone's lips.
>> No. 11663 Anonymous
24th October 2016
Monday 5:38 pm
11663 spacer
>>11662

Is that the council's new redevelopment project? (Haha! Thanks, I'll see you in the next season of Live At The Apollo.)

I recently found out that Larkin and I share the same childhood suburb. Hull was far more desirable to him, which says it all really.
>> No. 11664 Anonymous
24th October 2016
Monday 5:43 pm
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>>11662

Anywhere else they would call it gentrification.
>> No. 11671 Anonymous
24th October 2016
Monday 10:44 pm
11671 spacer
>>11661

Almost reminds me of the time I was riding in my mate's car and he ran over a cat. No shock, no look back, nothing. He only said one word with a completely emotionless look on his face after five seconds or so. "Dead." That's all he said. "Dead". So I said, we have to go back!... and he said, "to do what... pick up pieces of mashed cat?"

I could never put my finger on it, but there was just something wrong about him sometimes.
>> No. 11672 Anonymous
24th October 2016
Monday 10:51 pm
11672 spacer
>>11671

That was your fault. As co-driver, you were meant to exclaim "Oooff, ten points!" the black humour of which defuses the initial shock and allows him to process it properly, i.e "We should go back... Nah, it was only a fucking cat".
>> No. 11673 Anonymous
24th October 2016
Monday 10:56 pm
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>>11672

Life isn't one big game of Super Mario.
>> No. 11674 Anonymous
24th October 2016
Monday 11:13 pm
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>>11673
Are you sure? Maybe try one of these mushrooms ...
>> No. 11675 Anonymous
24th October 2016
Monday 11:24 pm
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>>11674

well if you consume those mushrooms, then life can indeed start to seem like a game of Mario to you, no doubt.
>> No. 11688 Anonymous
30th October 2016
Sunday 4:59 pm
11688 spacer
Asda's card machines break, nation in panic.

http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/local-news/chaos-asda-stores-across-wales-12099830#rlabs=8%20rt$sitewide%20p$5
>> No. 11690 Anonymous
2nd November 2016
Wednesday 8:31 pm
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Carnforth Civic Hall gets new vacuum cleaner

http://www.thewestmorlandgazette.co.uk/news/14833308.Carnforth_Civic_Hall_gets_new_vacuum_cleaner/
>> No. 11691 Anonymous
2nd November 2016
Wednesday 8:38 pm
11691 spacer
>>11690

This reminds me how we had one a while back on the hospital's intranet page during a particularly slow month, with photos, about one ward "finally" getting a toaster. The true face of Tory NHS cuts.
>> No. 11692 Anonymous
5th November 2016
Saturday 1:47 pm
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>MORE than 100 mourners gathered to say goodbye to much-loved and popular teenager Jack Gudge yesterday.

>Eight of Jack’s friends carried the blue coffin, which had an Adidas logo printed on the side, into the church while the Liverpool anthem You’ll Never Walk Alone, by Gerry and The Pacemakers, was playing.

>Seventeen-year-old Jack died following an incident outside Tesco Express in Wimborne Road, Winton, at around 12.55am on Saturday, July 16 this year.

>Flowers spelling the words ‘grandson’, ‘brother’, ‘Jack’, ‘cousin’ and ‘chav’ were placed around the coffin. There was also flower versions of the Frozen character Olaf and a red and white football.

http://www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/14839913.Standing_room_only_as_community_gathers_to_pay_respects_to_Jack_Gudge/
>> No. 11693 Anonymous
5th November 2016
Saturday 7:49 pm
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Oh no.
>> No. 11694 Anonymous
5th November 2016
Saturday 8:28 pm
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>>11692

I thought /iq/ had been a bit on the quiet side lately.

RIP in piece, ladm8.
>> No. 11695 Anonymous
5th November 2016
Saturday 9:08 pm
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>>11694
It seems almost too /iq/ for even /iq/. Getting killed after a scrap outside Tesco Express and then not being buried until almost four months later because it's taken your family that long to save up for a coffin that looks like an Adidas shoebox.
>> No. 11696 Anonymous
10th November 2016
Thursday 5:46 pm
11696 spacer
Woman has owned inflated balloon for 21 years.

http://www.fifetoday.co.uk/news/offbeat/mary-s-get-well-balloon-21-years-old-and-counting-1-4281661
>> No. 11697 Anonymous
10th November 2016
Thursday 7:42 pm
11697 spacer
A community is in outrage after a pub boss responded to a customer complaint by calling them a 'beggar' and 'belittling the work of food-banks'.

David, a sales manager aged 27, attended the pub on Saturday, November 5 and with family and upon ordering food he asked for a bowl to give his one-year-old daughter some mashed potato and gravy.

An employee refused, some say quite rightly. But when the pub responded to his complaint they resorted to name-calling and belittling language, which has prompted outrage from hundreds of people who have been responding to the story on social media.

David messaged them on Facebook to say: "Great customer service at the Rufford pub. All i wanted was a bowl of mash and gravy for my one year old girl."

Dee, an employee of the pub, responded to the dad over Facebook: "I don't want beggars in my pub. Thanks your comments. This is rufford not mansfield food bank. Find somewhere else. I'm Dee. Complaint what ever you want" (sic).

David spoke to the Chad after his ordeal and told the full story. He said: "Me, my girlfriend, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and my daughter went in and ordered our meals. The guy behind the bar had a bit of a strop on him. After I ordered my meals I said is there any chance I could have a bowl with a bit of mashed potato for my little girl. He said: ' No. If you want that you can pay for it'.


http://www.derbyshiretimes.co.uk/news/pub-brands-shirebrook-dad-a-beggar-in-mash-fiasco-1-8228872

Outrage after pub doesn't give man food for free.
>> No. 11698 Anonymous
11th November 2016
Friday 11:43 pm
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http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/caught-camera-pervert-who-turned-12164476

>Caught on camera: Pervert who turned up to meet underage girl with pornography

>Jonathan Haswell thought he was meeting a 15-year-old for sex but was instead confronted in Newcastle by paedophile hunters Dark Justice

>Carrying pornography and hoping to meet an underage girl for sex, this is the moment Jonathan Haswell was caught on camera by paedophile hunters.

>The 44-year-old thought he was meeting a 15-year-old in Newcastle city centre but he had fallen into a trap set by Dark Justice.

>Haswell had told the fictional girl they could watch pornographic movies together and copy what they saw, after being told she had never had a boyfriend.


Nonces in Newcastle. Who knew.
>> No. 11699 Anonymous
11th November 2016
Friday 11:55 pm
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>>11698
>Dark Justice
>> No. 11701 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 12:34 am
11701 spacer
>>11699

For a split second, I thought that was a picture of Samuel L. Jackson.

Luckily, I realised my mistake.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdxMkQhq58g
>> No. 11702 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 1:40 am
11702 spacer
>>11696

The idiocy.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL3cKY1ptlw
>> No. 11703 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 8:19 am
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>>11697
>Outrage after pub doesn't give man food for free.
Did you even read the article you posted?
>> No. 11704 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 8:34 am
11704 spacer
>>11703
Yeah, he asked for mash and gravy for his daughter and was told he'd have to pay for it. He had a hissy fit because when he's tried it before they've given him it as a freebie.

>I've been into the Rufford so many times and not once have they asked me to pay for it.

If you want to feed your infant daughter either bring food yourself, give her food off your plate or pay for it. They're a business and margins in the pub trade are tight enough as it is without having to placate those wanting to scrounge food.
>> No. 11705 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 8:41 am
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>>11704
But that's half the story.
>> No. 11706 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 8:50 am
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>>11705
They're the pertinent points. The rest are his embellishments to make it sound worse for the papers. They wouldn't have asked for a full carvery cost for a bit of mash for a baby, take his exaggerations with a pinch of salt.
>> No. 11707 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 9:44 am
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Restaurant/Pub customers often seem to assume anything not printed on the menu is free. Asking for a side of veg with their steak and chips is a common one, then moaning when it shows up on the bill.

I've seen someone ask for extra scallops (for nowt) at a two Michelin restaurant before. Wankers
>> No. 11708 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 10:30 am
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>>11706
The pertinent point is that's not what has caused 'outrage' as you seem to keep failing to read the rest of the article. A free bowl of baby mash, while by no means an obligation as the article itself says, is not the most unreasonable request anyone has ever made in a pub, so to respond to his complaint by calling him a food bank beggar is incredibly offensive and distasteful.
>> No. 11709 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 10:50 am
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>>11708
But not unfair given that he was expecting free food handouts from a private business.
>> No. 11710 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 10:57 am
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>>11708
Businesses should be free to be blunt and honest with customers, especially difficult ones. This isn't America with their fake nice "the customer is always right" bollocks. Sometimes the customer is a right knob.
>> No. 11711 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 1:02 pm
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It's getting out of hand now. First the pie and mash outrage, now this.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/11/11/tesco-criticised-after-refusing-to-allow-young-mother-free-parki/

A woman claims Tesco have shamed and demonised her for not being able to breastfeed her son because they would not validate her parking for only purchasing formula milk, despite there being clear signage this would be the case. Should have treated herself to a KitKat Chunky and circumnavigated it instead of running crying to the papers.
>> No. 11712 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 1:05 pm
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>>11711

>TESCO CRITICISED FOR OBEYING THE LAW.
>> No. 11713 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 1:17 pm
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You've got it fucking backwards. You're supposed to stick it to the Man, not stick up for him.
>> No. 11714 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 1:24 pm
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>>11713
(Condescending post about your attendance of a university)
>> No. 11715 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 2:12 pm
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>>11712

But the person affected was a special snowflake who the law shouldn't apply to, Tescos shouldn't be shaming and abusing women by following the law.
>> No. 11716 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 2:24 pm
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>>11704

>They're a business and margins in the pub trade are tight enough as it is without having to placate those wanting to scrounge food.

One of my mates used to work in a pub during uni. The pub owner's trick was to make his food salty. Not so salty that you wouldn't have liked it, just salty enough that people would always order a drink or two after they had eaten it.
>> No. 11717 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 2:31 pm
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>>11715
It's not entirely clear that they were even following the law. Also, as pointed out in the article, if the law somehow does require them to do this, which I doubt it does, it seems hypocritical of them when they're happily doing other things that are against the regulations. It would be like if that bloke selling fake fags out of the boot of his car said he won't sell to you if you're underage.

Of course, the real problem is that the car park isn't free in the first place.
>> No. 11718 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 2:52 pm
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>>11713
Her name is Laura Leeks. She's a mum from Braintree. She posts complaints to companies on their Facebook page.

Do you think she sticks it to the man or is self entitled and believe she deserves special treatment? She looks like a Bublé fan.
>> No. 11719 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 3:01 pm
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>>11717

>Of course, the real problem is that the car park isn't free in the first place.

Why? Do you feel tescos has a moral duty to provide free parking to the community?

What about the tragedy of the commons? Surely the point of charging for parking is a token amount to encourage 'correct' usage and behaviour rather than to turn a profit, like the 5p bag tax, or having shoping carts have a £1 deposit slot (which in my mind is one of the most eligant designs for encouraging socially positive behaviour consumerism has ever conceived).
>> No. 11720 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 3:08 pm
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>>11719
>Why? Do you feel tescos has a moral duty to provide free parking to the community?
I feel that if people are going spend thousands of pounds every year, letting them park their car outside is the fucking least they could do.
>> No. 11721 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 3:15 pm
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>>11720
That's great. Tesco offers free parking to their customers, except where the law prohibits it.
>> No. 11722 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 3:18 pm
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I can't believe people have such little dignity that they would even go to a supermarket that doesn't offer free parking.
>> No. 11723 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 3:28 pm
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>>11721
1. The law doesn't prohibit it.
2. Making people take a ticket and validate it is not the same as "offering free parking".
>> No. 11724 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 3:30 pm
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>>11722
I mean it's downright insulting if there's no free coffee. Paid parking? Crazy.
>> No. 11725 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 3:31 pm
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>>11723
Are you suggesting the Department of Health are conspiring with Tesco to lie about the law or are you just commentating on a story you've refused to even read?
>> No. 11726 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 3:40 pm
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>>11724
I refuse to shop anywhere that won't let me use a trolley without fumbling for change.
>> No. 11727 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 3:43 pm
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>>11725
No, I'm saying there's no law against free parking at supermarkets.
>> No. 11728 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 3:48 pm
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>>11722
It's mainly city centre ones or those that are part of shopping centres with their own chargeable car parks. My local Sainsburys enforces a minimum spend of £5 or they'll charge you to park on match days because they're near the football stadium.
>> No. 11729 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 4:25 pm
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>>11728
If they don't control the car park then that's understandable, but simply being in the city or near the stadium isn't an excuse, unless the stadium came along later. It's a bit like the people living near Heathrow. Not everyone who lives there consciously chose to do so, but those who did have no business complaining about the noise.
>> No. 11730 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 4:58 pm
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>>11729

>but simply being in the city or near the stadium isn't an excuse

You seem to have a weird moralistic stance on this topic, are you an embittered town planner?
Why would they need an excuse?

There is nothing to say you can't park your car else where and walk or take public transport. Or even shop somewhere else.

Why should tescos provide free parking to people who aren't even going to use their shop? Isn't making sure those people can get to the stadium the stadiums problem, why is it now tescos problem? Is it because they are a big company and therefore you on princepal think they should suffer?
>> No. 11731 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 5:34 pm
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>>11730
He's probably one of those FREEMAN OF THE LAND nutters.
>> No. 11732 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 5:40 pm
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>> No. 11733 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 5:41 pm
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Where did my whole message go? Good God.
>> No. 11734 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 5:59 pm
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>>11730
>You seem to have a weird moralistic stance on this topic
No, lad. Business isn't moralistic. Never has been, never will be.

>Why would they need an excuse?
Because people can very easily shop somewhere else, and their memories aren't all that short. The typical family food shop for Christmas runs to well over £200. If you got arsey with someone over spending a few quid in November, it's likely that come December they're going to go elsewhere.

>Why should tescos provide free parking to people who aren't even going to use their shop?
I don't know where you're going here, because literally nobody said this. Now, if we were to rephrase your question to something less retarded, like:
>Why should tescos provide free parking
Then you've alrteady answered your own question here:
>There is nothing to say you can't park your car else where and walk or take public transport. Or even shop somewhere else.
>> No. 11735 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 6:42 pm
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>>11734

>Why should tescos provide free parking to people who aren't even going to use their shop?
>I don't know where you're going here, because literally nobody said this.

Apart from here
>>11717
"Of course, the real problem is that the car park isn't free in the first place."


And in response to
>"It's mainly city centre ones or those that are part of shopping centres with their own chargeable car parks. My local Sainsburys enforces a minimum spend of £5 or they'll charge you to park on match days because they're near the football stadium."

This reply was given
>"If they don't control the car park then that's understandable, but simply being in the city or near the stadium isn't an excuse"

So yes, it was said. Don't try equivocate you aren't very good at it.
>> No. 11736 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 6:56 pm
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>>11735
>Apart from here
>>11717
>"Of course, the real problem is that the car park isn't free in the first place."
I don't get it. Where does this say that they should provide parking for people not in their shop? It's almost as if you were deliberately quoting it out of context, or something.
>> No. 11737 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 7:07 pm
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>>11736

Well that is all explained by context

Since the orginal quote is in response to a critcism of a shop that provided free parking to customers with the exception of several moral reasons (buying powdered milk tobacco). Logically it could only mean 'free for all'. Because otherwise there would be no point to making the statement.
>> No. 11738 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 7:19 pm
11738 spacer
Here's the actual regulation at issue:
http://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2007/3521/regulation/23/made

I genuinely can't see where they think that validating a parking ticket falls in here. The part about "premiums, special sales, loss-leaders or tie-in sales" is clearly about things like multibuys, BOGOFs, or "get X half price when you buy Y", and I can see how it might apply to loyalty cards and fuel vouchers. I fail to see how it might count as specifically "induc[ing] the sale of an infant formula" either. Where would you stop? Would you say that the council can't let you park for free on the street if you're only buying formula? If you bought a discounted bus ticket, travelled directly to the supermarket, bought only formula milk, then travelled directly home, have the bus company unlawfully "promoted" formula?
>> No. 11739 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 7:22 pm
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>>11737
So you're an Olympic mental gymnast. Thanks for clearing that up.
>> No. 11741 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 8:28 pm
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>>11739

Is your ego really so fragile you can't admit you were wrong on the internet, don't worry it's fine.

I'll just stop replying to you now so you can have the last word and tell yourself won the argument or were a master ruseman all along or whatever, else you want, okay.
>> No. 11742 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 8:47 pm
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>>11741
>> No. 11744 Anonymous
12th November 2016
Saturday 8:55 pm
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>>11741

Brilliant passive aggressiveness.

9/10
>> No. 11751 Anonymous
14th November 2016
Monday 8:55 pm
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>>11716
That's straight out of Theme Park.
>> No. 11752 Anonymous
14th November 2016
Monday 8:59 pm
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>>11751
It's what McDonald's do, make their food so salty you'll drink loads of fizzy pop.
>> No. 11754 Anonymous
15th November 2016
Tuesday 1:10 am
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>>11752

Ha! Jokes on them, I always get a milkshake. Score one for me!
>> No. 11765 Anonymous
15th November 2016
Tuesday 11:23 pm
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The boss of a newly-opened city centre cafe has been forced to install combination locks on toilet doors after a man pooped on the floor.

Customers of Fed 'n' Watered, in Prospect Street, are now being issued with the 'Toilet Code', which is printed on the bottom of till receipts.

David Myers, the cafe's managing director, said the measure is needed to protect the facilities and customers from "unscrupulous characters". He cites one particularly unsavoury incident for the locks.

Mr Myers said: "We had one incident when a man came in and had a number two outside the toilet cubicle. Our poor staff had to clean it up. It's perhaps a sign of the times that we've had to do this but unfortunately we have some unscrupulous characters in the city centre and we need to be able to preserve our high hygiene standards."


http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/is-this-hull-s-most-secure-toilet/story-29897617-detail/story.html
>> No. 11766 Anonymous
15th November 2016
Tuesday 11:30 pm
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>>11765

>a sign of the times

That's a /101/ tier irritation phrase for me. I mean, what makes him think people didn't shit on the floor in the 80's? Daft prick.
>> No. 11772 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 12:21 am
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>>11765
>.co.uk
>pooped
Fucksake.
>> No. 11777 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 1:18 pm
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>>11765

Broken Britain.
>> No. 11780 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 7:15 pm
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>>11772
What's a media friendly term for curling one out?
>> No. 11782 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 7:23 pm
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>>11780

The BBC News would probably go with "defecation". If they'd report a story like that at all.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loWFypHb48k

On Channel 5, they might be a little less stuffy.
>> No. 11784 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 7:42 pm
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>>11782
Rape isn't funny mate.
>> No. 11797 Anonymous
18th November 2016
Friday 5:38 pm
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>>11780
I for one enjoy a spot of defenestration with my defecation.
>> No. 11798 Anonymous
18th November 2016
Friday 10:20 pm
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>>11797

I've always thought the word "bum rubbish" sounded kind of funny. In a sort of ignorantly infantilised kind of way.

Even Dan Clark used it in "How Not To Live Your Life".
>> No. 11838 Anonymous
28th November 2016
Monday 2:28 pm
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Sex toy attached to G-clamp spotted by man who was out for a walk in Yeovil park

http://www.somersetlive.co.uk/sex-toy-attached-to-g-clamp-spotted-by-man-who-was-out-for-a-walk-in-yeovil-park/story-29938465-detail/story.html
>> No. 11839 Anonymous
28th November 2016
Monday 3:00 pm
11839 spacer
>>11838
You posted that knowing full well that the picture had been taken down from Twitter. You're the worst. I bet you enjoy pineapple on a pizza.
>> No. 11840 Anonymous
28th November 2016
Monday 3:03 pm
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>>11839
Here you go lad.
>> No. 11877 Anonymous
3rd December 2016
Saturday 9:45 pm
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http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/nearly-90-mothers-merseyside-five-12268884

>Nearly 90 mothers in Merseyside have had five or more children taken into care over the past ten years.

>Eight out of ten of these mothers never had any of their children returned to them.

>Across the country hundreds of UK mums have had five or more kids removed by social workers, a Freedom of Information request has revealed.

>A social care chief said the shocking findings showed the levels of ‘deprivation’ in 21st century British cities.


Liverpool, you legend.
>> No. 11878 Anonymous
4th December 2016
Sunday 7:40 am
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>Incredible footage has emerged of a man fighting a large kangaroo in the Australian Outback in an effort to protect his pet pooch from the aggressive animal's clinches.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3998278/Man-fights-kangaroo-Australia-save-pet-dog.html


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KH-8gdvlw4
>> No. 11879 Anonymous
4th December 2016
Sunday 12:03 pm
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>>11878

What a legend.
>> No. 11880 Anonymous
4th December 2016
Sunday 1:54 pm
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>>11840
Seems like a lot of effort to go to.
>> No. 11881 Anonymous
4th December 2016
Sunday 4:06 pm
11881 spacer
>>11877

The related articles are even better.

>Toddler found close to death after drinking mum's methadone and taking cocaine

>no explanation has been given as to how the boy managed to ingest cocaine.

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/toddler-found-close-death-after-12266510
>> No. 11882 Anonymous
5th December 2016
Monday 1:54 am
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WqCj_3U0Lc
>> No. 11884 Anonymous
15th December 2016
Thursday 6:09 am
11884 spacer
Wigan man aiming to send pie into space

http://www.wigantoday.net/news/wigan-man-aiming-to-send-pie-into-space-1-8289050
>> No. 11906 Anonymous
22nd December 2016
Thursday 9:10 am
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A man has denied having sex with a horse on a farm near his home.

The mare called Honey was examined after a couple allegedly challenged Julian Ridgeway what he was doing with the animal when he led it from a partially open stable to a more private outbuilding where they were keeping watch.

Patrick Palmer, prosecuting, told Leeds Crown Court the owner Louise Lumley had become suspicious something was going on.

Hedgeway ran off into woods and later denied to police he had been the man involved claiming he had been listening to football and Today in Parliament on the radio, but semen was subsequently recovered from the animal which matched his DNA. Mr Palmer told the jury: “The prosecution say he intended to commit an offence on the premises that night and had done so before which was why semen was found.”

He said in 1991 Ridgeway was found at a stables in the Wakefield area “about to have sex with a horse. He was found with his trousers and pants off, behind a horse apparently washing the horse’s bottom area.” He added: “You will also hear in 2011 his home was searched by the police and the police found a video and on it was a man having sex with a horse.”

He told the jury in a later defence statement Ridgeway claimed to have put his hand inside the horse once to see what would happen but denied anything sexual.

Mr Palmer told the jury Mrs Lumley had noticed the chain she use to secured the gates keeping the horse in its stable overnight were set differently in the mornings. “She also noticed the horse’s behaviour was quite different and became concerned about what was happening. She and her husband decided to keep a special eye on the stabling.”

Mrs Lumley told the jury they decided to watch from an old pig pen inside a nearby building and they stood on buckets to see over the walls. They saw a man go into the stables and lead Honey out with a rope over her neck and he made his way to the building where they were hiding. When they got inside the horse spotted her and alerted Ridgeway.

“She put her head up and gave the game away. I asked what was he doing with my horse. My husband said it was Ridgeway. At that the man pulled the rope free and ran off.”


http://www.examiner.co.uk/news/west-yorkshire-news/man-trial-charged-having-sex-12354328
>> No. 11907 Anonymous
22nd December 2016
Thursday 2:21 pm
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I'm so glad I don't feel an overwhelming need to fuck horses.
>> No. 11908 Anonymous
22nd December 2016
Thursday 2:32 pm
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>>11907
You know all those 40 and 50 something year old women who own horses? They're not spending thousands of pounds a year on stabling and vet bills just so that they can take it for walks around the streets. Apparently it's better than any anti-ageing cream you can buy from Boots.
>> No. 11909 Anonymous
22nd December 2016
Thursday 2:50 pm
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>>11908
The Mrs has horses. I'm reasonably sure there's nowt pervy going on.
Although you're right, it's a money pit with what seems like precious little return. Stable politics makes office politics look like toddler stuff, too. Picking up shit is the least annoying part of the game, as far as I can see.
>> No. 11910 Anonymous
22nd December 2016
Thursday 3:01 pm
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>>11907
It sounds particularly onerous if you've got to give their bottom area a good wash first.
>> No. 11911 Anonymous
22nd December 2016
Thursday 4:29 pm
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>>11909

Horse people are nuts, if they were just shagging the things it'd be an improvement.
>> No. 11913 Anonymous
22nd December 2016
Thursday 6:58 pm
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I have alpacas.
>> No. 11914 Anonymous
22nd December 2016
Thursday 7:02 pm
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>>11913
You sick fuck.
>> No. 11915 Anonymous
22nd December 2016
Thursday 7:03 pm
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>>11913
Oh, I'll bet you have them. You little scamp.
>> No. 11921 Anonymous
23rd December 2016
Friday 10:15 pm
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>>11911

There's a young lass at my work who has a horse. She's dead fit and also goes to daft country folk shite like fox hunts. The first question she always seems to ask about people's pets is if they still have their balls or not.

She wouldn't be able to afford keeping the thing if she didn't live with her mum and dad, though, which I think is telling. The whole horsey person deal is a sort of status tool and aspirational fantasy. Even though the vast majority of it is literally spent shovelling shite, for a brief spell you get to pretend you're just like those poshos at the show jumping.
>> No. 11922 Anonymous
23rd December 2016
Friday 10:32 pm
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>>11921

Round my way, the only people who have horses are gypsies.
>> No. 11923 Anonymous
25th December 2016
Sunday 6:52 am
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Horsefucker has been found guilty. He also choked a girl unconscious in 1990 because she'd disturbed him trying to bonk her pony.

http://www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/news/dangerous-sexual-deviant-found-guilty-of-having-sex-with-horse-at-west-yorkshire-farm-1-8304107

In other Wakefield news, a carer has been jailed after pissing in the teacups of an elderly couple before serving it to them.

http://www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/news/despicable-carer-jailed-after-being-secretly-filmed-stealing-cash-and-urinating-in-teacups-at-elderly-couple-s-home-1-8302836
>> No. 11925 Anonymous
25th December 2016
Sunday 11:12 am
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>>11923
Ah, Wakey. There's no better place to spend Christmas. Your links won't load for me though,

Do the other wakeylads here remember the Free Charles Bronson bar?
>> No. 11926 Anonymous
25th December 2016
Sunday 7:15 pm
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>An elderly couple in their eighties have been taken to hospital after their Christmas tree set on fire earlier today (December 25) which caused their home to be destroyed.

>Adrian Murphy, Area Commander from West Sussex Fire and Rescue Service (WSFRS) confirmed the couple had been taken to hospital following the fire which had ‘catastrophic consequences’.

>He added: “The couple were demonstrating traditional candles to their grandchildren when their tree set alight and this resulted in them losing their home.”

http://www.worthingherald.co.uk/news/video-home-destroyed-in-fire-caused-by-christmas-tree-1-7747871

Remember, lads. Don't mix candles, Christmas trees and old people.
>> No. 11927 Anonymous
25th December 2016
Sunday 10:02 pm
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>>11923
I found myself reading about tea-pissing cash-nicking Wakefield bad carer last night then looking up his facebook at the behest of the Daily Mail comments section lynch mob. He has an 'ironic' military moustache and his girlfriend wears a bowler hat. They look like the sort of on-the-spectrum isolated hipsters without mates type that I sometimes think the other two of you on here might be. It is as depressingly English a case as Rick Parfitt's whole life and career was. Sage for being a miserable cunt on Christmas night.
>> No. 11928 Anonymous
26th December 2016
Monday 1:27 pm
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>>11923

>In other Wakefield news, a carer has been jailed after pissing in the teacups of an elderly couple before serving it to them.

oh well. Among some Siberian hunter-gatherer tribes, it used to be a custom to drink the urine of shamans who had consumed fly agaric mushrooms for their rituals.

The enzymes in a person's body break down most of the toxins, so that what you still have in that person's urine only gives you a relatively mild and safe buzz.
>> No. 11929 Anonymous
26th December 2016
Monday 1:45 pm
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>>11928
Does all piss give you a buzz or just shaman mushroom piss? I know that baby koalas have to eat their mother's poo in order to develop a tolerance for eucalyptus leaves.
>> No. 11930 Anonymous
26th December 2016
Monday 6:00 pm
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>>11928
>person's body break down most of the toxins

Toxins don't exist.
>> No. 11931 Anonymous
26th December 2016
Monday 11:20 pm
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>>11930
Said no doctor ever.
>> No. 11933 Anonymous
27th December 2016
Tuesday 1:08 am
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>>11931
They do exist, but they have very little relation to the phantom toxins that "detox" diets are supposed to help with.

As an aside, I work in a hospital and it is truly astounding how many healthcare professionals at every level buy into that shite. Almost worrying actually.
>> No. 11934 Anonymous
27th December 2016
Tuesday 1:09 am
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>>11933
>but they have very little relation to the phantom toxins that "detox" diets are supposed to help with.
Which in turn have very little relation to the actual toxins that >>11928 was referring to.
>> No. 11938 Anonymous
27th December 2016
Tuesday 1:55 pm
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>>11933

The biggest nonsense is that sweating during physical exercise is supposed to rid the body of toxins.

Human sweat contains little more than water, salt, a few proteins and a bit of sebum. Oh, and pheromones. And if you are a smoker then yes, your sweat will smell of smoke. But it's still not the body's principal way of expelling the substances you inhale during cigarette smoking.

Toxins are either metabolised and broken down, or they are expelled through your urine and faeces. But you can't "sweat them out".
>> No. 11979 Anonymous
20th January 2017
Friday 2:03 pm
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>Born addicted to heroin, tragic Poppy Widdison never stood a chance

>She was born addicted to heroin, her name a nod to the drug her mother valued more than her children.

http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/born-addicted-to-heroin-tragic-poppy-widdison-never-stood-a-chance/story-30072092-detail/story.html

Do you really think she named her baby Poppy after heroin because she's a drug fiend or it's just the paper using artistic licence to make any old bollocks up?
>> No. 11980 Anonymous
20th January 2017
Friday 4:42 pm
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>>11979

In fairness, the connection was made by the presiding judge.
>> No. 12447 Anonymous
2nd April 2017
Sunday 7:26 pm
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Is Aldi or Lidl quicker at scanning shopping? We put it to the test

In Aldi, it took a mere 50 seconds to scan the items and 1 minute 38 seconds for the full transaction. That also allowed for a credit card machine issue, which required Henry to enter his card into the machine for a second time.

As for Lidl, it would have taken roughly only 35 seconds to scan the items, but the full transaction took five minutes and 19 seconds due to a barcode missing from one of the items.


http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/is-aldi-or-lidl-quicker-at-scanning-shopping-we-put-it-to-the-test/story-30242990-detail/story.html
>> No. 12449 Anonymous
2nd April 2017
Sunday 7:48 pm
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>>12447
Local news asking the important questions as usual.
>> No. 12486 Anonymous
6th April 2017
Thursday 2:55 pm
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>A Devon football fan scored a massive own goal after he ate a nugget of horse poo in an Exeter street for a £40 bet after being egged on by his pals – leaving his girlfriend refusing to kiss him for a month after.

>Footage shows Exeter City fan Charlie Bamber chomp on the manure while children look on in horror outside a pub in the city. The 23-year-old can be seen retching violently after swallowing a lump of dirt - and later uses an entire tube of toothpaste in an attempt to clean out his mouth.

http://www.devonlive.com/watch-devon-football-fan-eating-horse-poo-for-a-bet-in-exeter-street/story-30253531-detail/story.html
>> No. 12585 Anonymous
9th May 2017
Tuesday 12:21 pm
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>>12486

I went to a barn party at a farm estate once. It was a big party with probably close to 2,000 people, music and loads of booze. Anyway, there was a manure pit on the estate, which had been carefully cordoned off with a construction fence and a tarp cover over the fence. But somehow, some shitfaced git managed to climb over the fence late at night, and then plunged into the manure pit. They found him at 4 am, fast asleep on the edge of the manure pit, covered in shit.

Also reminds me of that time I was at a friend's little garden party; we were sat in his parents' summerhouse, and at some point I excused myself to go around the corner to have a wee. It was pitch dark outside, and I mistook a goldfish pond for a flower bed, and was going to walk straight across it to wee against a tree. Next thing I knew, I was standing in water up to my waist. Having suffered abounding laughter from my mates, I then took off my wet jeans and decided to pedal home on my bicycle half a mile to get some dry clothes. All the while thinking that I probably looked like a nonce, wearing nothing but a T-shirt and my white undies on a bicycle late at night, and my biggest fear was that I would be stopped by police. Luckily, nothing happened.
>> No. 12609 Anonymous
10th May 2017
Wednesday 5:42 pm
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>>12585

To be fair lad, that happened to me last week. Although in my case I stepped off a dodgy clapboard bridge. Into a swamp. Thank fuck it had been raining.
>> No. 13039 Anonymous
31st May 2017
Wednesday 6:00 pm
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>A man has been convicted by a jury of encouraging his girlfriend to have sex with a dog and warned to expect a prison sentence.

>Michael Smith filmed what happened between Gwen Kerr and the bull mastiff Tank, but weeks later showed it to a social worker claiming he was concerned for the grandmother’s welfare.

>He told a jury at Leeds Crown Court in evidence yesterday(thurs) he thought Kerr must be on drugs and only wanted to prove her strange behaviour and was not acting for any sexual gratification when he pressed record on his camcorder.

>Mark McKone prosecuting told the jury in opening that it was the crown’s case Smith had encouraged Kerr to have sex with the dog, filmed it and that was supported by Smith saying at one point “let him take it” and tapping Kerr on the buttocks during the sexual activity.

>Mr McKone said matters came to light when Smith went to Huddersfield social services on May 27 last year and showed a team leader the footage on a camcorder.

http://www.examiner.co.uk/news/man-found-guilty-encouraging-girlfriend-12987657
>> No. 13114 Anonymous
12th July 2017
Wednesday 7:55 pm
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http://www.lichfieldmercury.co.uk/bewildered-burntwood-residents-see-oompa-loompa-pushing-giant-wonka-bar-towards-cannock/story-30436896-detail/story.html
>> No. 13489 Anonymous
6th September 2017
Wednesday 5:28 pm
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A woman threw a poo out of a window on a first date and firefighters had to get involved

http://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/woman-threw-poo-out-window-429022
>> No. 13490 Anonymous
6th September 2017
Wednesday 5:38 pm
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Danish inventor faces murder charge over journalist's submarine death

He said he had climbed out ahead of Wall and was standing on top of the surfaced submarine holding the 70kg hatch cover open, but lost his footing and it hit her head. He said he heard a thud as she fell to the floor bleeding from a fractured skull.

He had no explanation for Wall’s severed head and limbs, saying she was “in one piece” when he last saw her body.


https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/sep/05/danish-inventor-faces-charge-journalists-submarine-death-peter-madsen-kim-wall
>> No. 13491 Anonymous
6th September 2017
Wednesday 7:07 pm
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>>13490
It's hard to tell whether he's now telling the truth or if he's still lying.
For weeks he kept up the lie that she'd left the sub at port, and then it suddenly sank later, and he's changed his story quite a few times since.
>> No. 13492 Anonymous
6th September 2017
Wednesday 10:54 pm
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>>13491

>It's hard to tell whether he's now telling the truth or if he's still lying.

It's pretty clear everything he's said is total bullshit.
>> No. 13493 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 3:09 pm
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4865318/Man-imported-child-sex-doll-jailed-16-months.html

A sick ex-school governor and churchwarden who imported a child sex doll into Britain has been jailed.

David Turner, 72, from Ramsgate, Kent, was today sentenced to 16 months in prison after he admitted importing and having sex with the life-like 3ft 10in model.

It comes after Turner pleaded guilty, thereby accepting the doll was obscene or indecent, in a UK first.

Officers also found 29 fictional stories – which described sexual abuse of children but fell outside the Obscene Publications Act – when they searched Turner's home.

One of these Turner wrote after dreaming about having sex with a child, the court heard.

The pervert was caught in November last year after Border Force intercepted a parcel containing another three foot doll he was attempting to import from China.


Fucking carpet-bagger.

Also - is there anything you can't order from China these days??
>> No. 13494 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 3:12 pm
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>>13493
I'm glad this picture was pixelated.
>> No. 13495 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 6:08 pm
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>>13493
So wait, we can get jailed for fucking things that aren't real now? How far does this go?
>> No. 13496 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 7:42 pm
13496 spacer
>>13495

You can go to jail for wanting to fuck a person who doesn't even exist.
>> No. 13497 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 7:53 pm
13497 spacer
>>13496
I'm fucking a seven-year old in my imagination right now. Try and catch me coppers.
>> No. 13498 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 8:40 pm
13498 spacer
>>13493
That's a bit unfair. Would you still get locked up if you put a wig on your pillow and said it was a 12 year old?
>> No. 13499 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 8:55 pm
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>>13498
Are we redoing Brass Eye sketches consciously or unconsciously?
>> No. 13500 Anonymous
10th September 2017
Sunday 1:25 am
13500 spacer
Does it make me a wrongun if I sometimes still fantasize about sex with my first girlfriend while rubbing one out? We were both only sixteen...
>> No. 13501 Anonymous
10th September 2017
Sunday 2:20 am
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>>13500
That depends. Does she even exist?
>> No. 13502 Anonymous
10th September 2017
Sunday 2:39 am
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>>13501
I mean, 16 year old her doesn't exist anymore.
>> No. 13503 Anonymous
10th September 2017
Sunday 3:57 am
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>>13502
In that case, I'd be careful about dropping the soap.
>> No. 13504 Anonymous
11th September 2017
Monday 5:33 pm
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>>13493

This straight up pisses me off. I'd much rather we have pedos shagging dolls than, you know, actual kids.

But I suppose that would spoil the public spectable of witch-hunting them.
>> No. 13505 Anonymous
11th September 2017
Monday 9:01 pm
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>>13504
He didn't get done for owning or shagging the doll; he got done for importing it - which is fair enough if you think about it.

BRITISH CHILD DOLLS FOR BRITISH PAEDOS
>> No. 13506 Anonymous
11th September 2017
Monday 11:55 pm
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>>13505

I don't generally mind authorities keeping an eye on paedos. But who exactly determines when an inanimate object is obscene, and enough so to warrant (criminal) charges?

Also, since paedophilia doesn't appear to be fundamentally curable, I guess it's better to have somebody humping a child sex doll than to have them going after actual human children. No real and living children are abused when a pensioner sticks his wizened old willy in what is really just a heap of vinyl and rubber.

I think you have to be much more worried about the fact that he apparently used to work in a school environment with children for a long time. Who knows what skeletons are still in the closet there. How was he able to keep under the radar there?

One of my teachers was fired and charged criminally because he tried to slide his hand up a twelve year old's skirt. You know what I mean...
>> No. 13507 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 6:40 am
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>>13506
>But who exactly determines when an inanimate object is obscene

WHEN IT'S GOT A FANNY HOLE WHICH YOU'RE GOING TO SHOVE YOUR WILLY IN.

Are you lads being obtuse on purpose? I know this place is full of paedo sympathisers but, come on.
>> No. 13508 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 9:54 am
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>>13507
U wot m56
>> No. 13509 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 10:05 am
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>>13507

It's still an inanimate object though. I'm definitely not being obtuse.

Would one of those blow up sheep with a hole in the arse be as criminal an object?

Is the doll inherently obscene, it is it that it's marketed as a sex toy? If it was sold as a medically accurate training dummy would it still be obscene? If I stuck my knob in a CPR dummy is that an offense?
>> No. 13510 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 10:39 am
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>>13509
>If I stuck my knob in a CPR dummy is that an offense?
Depends on what sort of people are on the class with you.
>> No. 13511 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 11:11 am
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>>13507

I'd be the last person to defend paedoism, but you're the one who is being thick here. Not everyone who questions the government's wisdom in its methods of cracking down on paedos is a paedo sympathiser.

And it's worth asking the question just what exactly constitutes obscene objects. And although, by contrast, sex with an adult human is usually legal, there have been those who have said adult sex dolls should be classed as obscene as well. Some feminists even call for an all out ban on realistic (again, adult) sex dolls.


>>13509

>If it was sold as a medically accurate training dummy

Training dummy for what? For the humping of underage children? Now that would really be implying sinister motives.
>> No. 13512 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 12:11 pm
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>>13511

>Training dummy for what?

I mean for medical training. They definitely have gynecological models and even a baby foreskin circumsision trainer. So a cynical Chinese factory labeling a child doll with a fanny as an educational tool is not beyond possibllity. And I'd love to see how that falls, legally.

The things that judge said too, about how he thought buying a sex doll was proof the bloke was 'bored of 2D images' and the implication that eventually he'd be bored of the doll too.

As someone who likes a bit of BDSM, I'm worried that a judge could rule the contents of the box under my bed as criminally obscene, too.
>> No. 13513 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 12:23 pm
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>>13512

>They definitely have gynecological models and even a baby foreskin circumsision trainer. So a cynical Chinese factory labeling a child doll with a fanny as an educational tool is not beyond possibllity. And I'd love to see how that falls, legally.

The obscenity would then indeed not lie in the fact that somebody manufactured those life-like dolls, but that some wronguns use them for penetrative sex.

In that respect, even a cucumber from your local Tesco's could be an obscene object if somebody decides to put it up their bum (or their vag, that happens too). Then again, you can buy all manner of sex toys and implements online nowadays that go where the sun don't shine, and nobody ever thinks of intercepting them because some might feel they are obscene.

As a side note: if you look at your parents' or your grandparents' old mail order catalogues from the 1960s and 1970s, you will find that vibrating electrical massage implements were usually marketed as devices to relieve back and neck muscle tension, at least that's what the pictures in the catalogues would have you believe. When in reality, there could be no doubt in anybody's mind that they were really meant to be used on your genitals for sexual (self-)pleasure. But that would indeed have been considered obscene back then.
>> No. 13514 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 5:42 pm
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>>13511
>>13513
OK, not him, and I know this isn't what the law says on this matter, but we already have laws that don't go into minute detail about what is and isn't illegal - they leave it up to 'any reasonable person' to judge. And 'any reasonable person' would naturally conclude that a child sex doll is obscene while a cucumber is not.
>> No. 13515 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 6:09 pm
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>>13514
> 'any reasonable person'

You're substituting one arbitrary term with another arbitrary term. "Any reasonable person", or most of them anyway, would have argued a hundred years ago that the death penalty was adequate punishment for various capital crimes. What "any reasonable person" thinks can change dramatically within the space of just a few decades.

Again, not defending the paedos. They get what's coming to them either way. But there are a lot of legal terms and concepts which make good sense at first glance, but then when you get into them deeper, you stumble upon quite a few pitfalls. And "obscenity", even if defined by what "any reasonable person" might think it means, is one of the most vague foundations on which to base the idea that a behaviour or an item should be illegal.

Maybe it's indeed a good idea to simply not let a paedo have his plastic child sex doll from China. Just because. Or because psychiatric science might indicate that they will go on from that to abusing actual children. In that case, you would at least have statistics to back up your idea that paedos mustn't be allowed to have child sex dolls. But again, sometimes, legal definitions that appear clear as day end up looking pretty murky after closer examination.
>> No. 13516 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 6:32 pm
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>>13512
>As someone who likes a bit of BDSM, I'm worried that a judge could rule the contents of the box under my bed as criminally obscene, too.

You have bigger problems m8
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R_v_Brown

>>13515
>What "any reasonable person" thinks can change dramatically within the space of just a few decades.

Which is why it is good that the definition of obscenity appears vague (in reality it's just broken) given Parliaments inability to pull its collective finger out. I mean at any rate what would be the alternative?
>> No. 13517 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 7:36 pm
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>>13516

> You have bigger problems m8
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R_v_Brown

This kind of thing really rumples my crumpets, lads. You know they only got convicted cos they were a bunch of bumders. You'd never see a bloke getting done for getting his wife pregnant (and causing either a c-section or a blown-out fanny that needs stitches). Or a boxer knocking his opponents brains into Parkinson's parade, for that matter.
>> No. 13518 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 8:09 pm
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>>13515

>Again, not defending the paedos.

That's the trouble with all this isn't it. You try to take the side of reason and humanity, but in the end you're just sticking up for perverts.

It wasn't long ago at work they were having this discussion. One lass was saying we should just chop pedo's dicks off to make the punishment fit the crime, while some (admittedly more reasonable) people were saying that they are just mentally ill and need rehabilitation to cure them. I pointed out that 50 years ago we would have had the exact same conversation about gays, but it didn't go down well.

Nobody wants to confront the congnitive dissonance that arises if you accept gays, lesbians, trannies and all those other colourful non-cis folk are born that way, but pedos are vile monsters from hell and/or mentally ill and should be sent to gulags.

And again. I'm not defending pedos, but it seems to me that no otherwise healthy individual would make that decision consciously, knowing that it's the ultimate taboo of our society. Obviously the ones who act upon their urges are criminal individuals and should be duly punished, but like all other forms of crime, there has to be a catalyst. I don't buy the idea that people just wake up one day and decide to be utterly morally reprehensible.

Ah who the fuck knows anyway. This is a bit much to think about.
>> No. 13519 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 8:23 pm
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>>13516
>>13517

R v Brown isn't relevant case law anymore, the 3 to 2 Majority opinion of the House of Lords was based on the argument that the European convention on Human Rights was not directly applicable to UK law and if it was then there was no crime (the minority opinion was that the ECHR did apply so there was no crime). Since then the Human rights act made the ECHR expressly applicable it stands to follow that based on the very precedent of R v brown, if the same case was heard today it would fail to get a conviction.
>> No. 13520 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 10:39 pm
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>>13519

You can hammer a nail through your consenting adult friend's cock, but if you take a photo of it, you're breaking the law.
>> No. 13521 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 11:07 pm
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>>13520
Are we allowed to have women sit on our faces or is it against the law regardless of photos?
>> No. 13522 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 11:16 pm
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>>13521

Depends how fat she is, I suppose.
>> No. 13523 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 11:17 pm
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>>13517
It was a bumder thing that clearly motivated the judgement but we've also had cases where a heterosexual couple have gotten into trouble:
http://www.e-lawresources.co.uk/cases/R-v-Wilson.php

The problem is while consent is the cornerstone of western legal tradition it isn't so easy to apply in practice. Outside of a boxing ring I can't just consent to you punching my lights out for some pretty big personal and public interest reasons and I don't think a clear solution can exist to this problem unless we ban everything.

>>13518
>I pointed out that 50 years ago we would have had the exact same conversation about gays, but it didn't go down well.

Do I need to point out the difference?

>>13519
Er no, the case centred upon the Offences Against the Person Act which HRA cannot overrule in cases where Parliamentary intention is clear. Even the interpretive shift is itself a little controversial amongst judges.
>> No. 13524 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 11:17 pm
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>>13518

>That's the trouble with all this isn't it. You try to take the side of reason and humanity, but in the end you're just sticking up for perverts.

That isn't the fault of the reasonable people though who try to approach this from a legal philosophical angle. It's the result of well over a decade of low-brow paedo panic appealing to society's lowest common denominator, having been pushed by equally low-brow tabloid rags and paedo hunting TV programmes.

On the face of it, a crime like murder is an offence many times more serious than child molestation. You are not just sexually abusing somebody when they are at their most vulnerable as a young child, but you are actually irreversibly taking a person's life in cold blood. And yet, you can have all manner of enlightened discussion about how to reasonably punish murderers, without anybody assuming that you are defending murderers by saying things like they should still have a chance for rehabilitation at the end of a long prison term.

I think the whole child molester cultural meme is so enduring and successful because it taps into our most basic fears. That somebody will harm our family, our offspring. It's hardwired human nature to be very sensitive to those threats, both real and perceived. And the exploitation of that hardwired human trait isn't an invention of contemporary tabloids and cheap reality TV either. There were cartoon caricatures in the Third Reich of Jews that portrayed them as child snatchers and potential child molesters.

There should be no doubt in anybody's mind that child molestation is a very serious criminal offence, one that can inflict immense harm on innocent victims. And punishments have been stepped up accordingly in the last few decades. But the true test for any system of enlightened due process of law is whether it will stand even in areas of the law that are fraught with human emotions and hardwired fears. Even to the most horrible crimes imaginable, the law must be applied fairly and evenly. If we allow ourselves to slip in one area, it hurts the credibility and consistency of our entire legal system.
>> No. 13525 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 11:25 pm
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>>13518

That's the thing. I think pedos are born that way, though as it's a matter of consent, they still should never be allowed to fiddle kids.

Hence, sex dolls. And maybe prostitutes with that disease that makes your body never age.
>> No. 13526 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 11:45 pm
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>>13523
'Er no' is quite a good legal argument, but since I've read the ruling of R v Brown and R (Simms) v Home Secretary (to which you were referring in all but name) and the Offences against the Person Act 1861 and could see no conflict between the statements qualifier "Fundamental rights cannot be overridden by general or ambiguous words" and inherant ambiguity of the 'unlawfully and maliciously' in section 18 in the aforementioned act when applied to consentual matters I invite the honourable gentleman to 'jog on'.
>> No. 13527 Anonymous
12th September 2017
Tuesday 11:46 pm
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>>13523
>Do I need to point out the difference?
Not him, but yeah, would you mind? Every time I google homosexuality and paedophilia together to learn about this, I end up having to wade through articles about people linking the two in a homophobic context, as opposed to actually discussing what the neurological distinction, if any, is between sexual orientations and sexual disorders.
>> No. 13528 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 12:09 am
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I'm sorry, but if a man is fucking a doll of a child, whilst working five days a week around children with an uncanny resemblance to his toddler-cum-fleshlight, something needs to be done. We're not talking about a greenkeeper who plays golf here.

Sage because the conversation has moved on, but the squeamishness of some posters here just hit me like extrajudicial carpet-bagger bashing.
>> No. 13529 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 12:11 am
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>>13527
There isn't any real difference.
>> No. 13530 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 12:21 am
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>>13528

>I'm sorry, but if a man is fucking a doll of a child, whilst working five days a week around children with an uncanny resemblance to his toddler-cum-fleshlight, something needs to be done. We're not talking about a greenkeeper who plays golf here.

I'm the lad who said earlier in this thread that one of his school teachers was fired and charged criminally because that teacher had tried to put his hand up a twelve year old's skirt.

If you have a paedo teacher working in a school, and for decades as teachers tend to do, then it almost seems more unusual that there would be no incidents at all involving that teacher.

Not sure what happened to my former teacher; we moved to the other end of the country that summer and sort of didn't keep up anymore with local current events. Also, this was in the early 90s, so that was a different time altogether.
>> No. 13531 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 12:37 am
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>>13530
My old primary school teacher used to make some of the girls sit on his lap and pat their bums. Maybe he has done more - I don't know. But he got away with it. He runs a chip shop now. I'm sure shit loads of paedos get away with it, stupidlad.
>> No. 13532 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 12:43 am
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>>13531

>stupidlad

Now, now.
>> No. 13533 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 12:46 am
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>>13532
How can he say that peado-teachers never get away with it, and that fucking a child doll is okay while being a teacher?

Too many fucking paedos and paedo-sympathisers in this thread.
>> No. 13534 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 12:52 am
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>>13526
>but since I've read the ruling of R v Brown

Are you sure? Perhaps you're one of those people who are deliberately thick on the internet but the judgements did consider convention rights throughout and more importantly the ECHR itself later supported the conclusion of the HoL in Laskey, Jaggard and Brown v United Kingdom.

As for section 18 it's quite clear when you consider the next bit "with intent, to do some grievous bodily harm to any person". It's not 'inherent ambiguity' it's blanket.
>> No. 13535 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 1:00 am
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Watch out lads, the armchair lawyers are at it again.
>> No. 13536 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 1:23 am
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>>13535

Nobody else is armchair-anything in this thread, no.
>> No. 13537 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 1:44 am
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>>13523

> Outside of a boxing ring I can't just consent to you punching my lights out for some pretty big personal and public interest reasons and I don't think a clear solution can exist to this problem unless we ban everything.

What is it about the boxing ring that makes it an exception? Is it the contract, the public spectacle, the say-so of the governing body or whatever we have in the UK that makes do for an Athletic Commission? I've born witness to dozens of amateur MMA matches in the UK, judged a couple, and trained with a bunch of fighters and I still don't really get what exactly stops the bobbies coming in and charging both lads with ABH and, in the case of certain strangle holds, attempted murder.
>> No. 13538 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 2:03 am
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>>13537
The rule is that in violent sports, the willing competitor consents to the violence that may arise as part of play. A punch to the face is fine in boxing, but not in rugby.
>> No. 13539 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 2:09 am
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>>13535
I'd have you know that I barely passed Criminal Law at the undergraduate level!

>>13537
There's waffle is the short answer. It comes down to it being culturally valued (displays of heroism -yes, a moral judgment), safety rules and the all important referee whose job it is to make sure nobody gets seriously hurt.
>> No. 13540 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 2:21 am
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>>13538
>>13539

Is there actual legislation governing this or does it boil down to common sense and case law?

As an aside, I remember a BKB night where the cops basically stood around and said "well we could nick them both but to be honest without anyone pressing charges it wouldn't ever stand up in court". This was a filmed and streamed online event mind you, it's not like there was a lack of available evidence if it was needed.
>> No. 13541 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 12:13 pm
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>>13537

The whim of a jury, basically. There have been a handful of prosecutions for unlicensed bare knuckle boxing matches, but the general public just isn't going to send someone to prison for participating in a well-regulated sporting contest.
>> No. 13542 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 6:18 pm
13542 Help, I Can't Stop Hooking Up With Trump Supporters
Not UK, but...

https://www.glamour.com/story/hooking-up-with-trump-voters-essay
>> No. 13543 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 9:33 pm
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>>13523

>Do I need to point out the difference?

Does it even matter? The point is simply how society's values have changed. Couple of hundred years back and we'd all have been marrying teenagers.

There are places in America where they still think homosexuals can be "rehabilitated" and "cured". Likewise there are parts of the undeveloped world where kiddyfiddling is still very much the norm. As someone pointed out in the other thread, it would be racist to assume our values are superior to theirs.
>> No. 13544 Anonymous
14th September 2017
Thursday 1:27 am
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>>13543

>would be racist to assume our values are superior to theirs.

Utterly racist to demand that middle-aged Arab men must not be allowed to marry and fuck twelve year olds. You have that right.

On the whole age of consent thing though, please let's not start that old chestnut again. Surefire way to get perma banned on .gs if you don't happen to make yourself clear enough. Also, paedos have a sixth sense for that, they can smell any online debate of age of consent from many servers away, and then before you know it you will begin to think you are the cunt for saying they shouldn't get to fuck fourteen year olds.

I used to be sub admin for a now defunct political debate web site, and we had to deal with that shit and warn or ban people every other day. Before our policy became to ban people and delete theads almost instantly and usually without warning. We later more generally amended our terms of use to warn that any thread about illegal activity would be at the discretion of the admins to be locked and/or deleted any time without notice. But I digress.
>> No. 13545 Anonymous
14th September 2017
Thursday 1:58 am
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>>13544
Yeah as you know, we get that shit here too - usually in /lab/ with some scientific justification. Once you grant that lot license to talk about it....
>> No. 13546 Anonymous
14th September 2017
Thursday 12:30 pm
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>>13544
>>13545
Not any of them, but where does one draw the line if you start deciding that certain topics are not acceptable? Once you make that sort of decision, you set a precedent, as anyone who remembers the vicious campaign of harassment over filtering child porn will know.
>> No. 13547 Anonymous
14th September 2017
Thursday 12:36 pm
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>>13546
At the point where letting it go any further would lead to people doing illegal things if left unchecked. You know, where it is.
>> No. 13548 Anonymous
14th September 2017
Thursday 12:53 pm
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>>13547
>At the point where letting it go any further would lead to people doing illegal things if left unchecked
You mean like the book thread on the front page of /*/ right now? (To draw the actual parallel I was referring to.)

>You know
No, we don't. Please elaborate.
>> No. 13549 Anonymous
14th September 2017
Thursday 1:51 pm
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>>13548
Try and explain to your "peers" (a jury) why linking to some children's books is the same as distributing child pornography, then you tell us how you get on. I'll meet you at A&E.
>> No. 13550 Anonymous
14th September 2017
Thursday 2:17 pm
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>>13549
Don't look at me, "people doing illegal things" was your idea, not mine.
>> No. 13551 Anonymous
14th September 2017
Thursday 2:33 pm
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>>13549
If Fox v. BT is anything to go by, the A&E visit will be because someone got pissed up on champers and fell on the kerb.
>> No. 13552 Anonymous
14th September 2017
Thursday 4:13 pm
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>>13550
Fine; read it as "people doing things that might get us lynched".
>> No. 13553 Anonymous
14th September 2017
Thursday 4:58 pm
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>>13552
Sorry, I didn't realise we were living in 1930s Alabama where daring to suggest it might be racist to presuppose the superiority of white European cultural values is somehow going to get anyone lynched.
>> No. 13559 Anonymous
15th September 2017
Friday 1:56 am
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It's just risky for somebody who is operating a web site or forum where some people continuously flirt with the outer boundaries of what is legal.

For example, before all the copyright reforms of the early noughties, you had people posting all kinds of info and tutorials on web forums about how to circumvent DVD copyright protection, using DeCSS-Plus and other software tools. When the laws were then tightened considerably, web forums started posting new rules as sticky forum topics advising users to stop talking about that kind of thing.

Likewise, several Kodi add-ons are now under fire on the Kodi web forums because they violate copyrights by linking to illegal movie hosting web sites or otherwise violating content providers' terms of use. The latest thing seems to be that they no longer want people to talk about using addons like the BBC iPlayer or the ITV Player from abroad using VPN or SmartDNS. This appears to include TV licence holders who say they want to watch EastEnders while on holiday in Spain.

Anyway, what I am saying is, you can get in hot water quickly if you provide information on a web forum (or image board), or allow your posters to provide it, on how to break the law. In the case of copyright infringements, you might be let off with a takedown notice. But if you allow paedos to chat freely in a forum thread, that can open a whole different can of worms for you.
>> No. 13560 Anonymous
15th September 2017
Friday 2:05 am
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>>13546
The only topic we actively filter are the paedos. You only have to observe the regular occasional posting in /lab/ where some dimwit seems to keep trying to make a scientific argument for it, to observe the problem - those posts are a marker, to see if we'll allow that kind of discussion, and see if there are like minded individuals here. In a way, they're trying to shift the Overton Window on the site and see if we tolerate it.

>>13559
Exactly right. There are plenty of .onions they can find that shit, I'm not paying for it.
>> No. 13564 Anonymous
16th September 2017
Saturday 12:42 am
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>>13560

>where some dimwit seems to keep trying to make a scientific argument for it

oh yes, the sciencelad paedos. They would have you believe that girls being full breasted at 14 is Mother Nature's way of telling you they are ready for sex with a middle-aged git who is possibly also a manospherelad and thinks it's all aging fishperson womens' fault for keeping the age of consent "unrealistically" high.

The real science is that your taste in sexual partners usually progresses more or less with your own age and your sexual experience. At some point, you will look back and find 20-year-olds definitely still sexually arousing to look at, but you will wonder what they could really offer you in bed besides firm tits and a tight minge. One school of thought is that some paedos have somehow missed sexual developmental stages and are stuck on the level of priapic 14-year-olds. Or on the level of whatever age they feel attracted to. They never progressed to an interest in sexually mature (young) women, possibly because of inner sexual repression. More grim explanations even imply that some of them have unhealthy attachments to their mothers.

But you never hear any of that from sciencepaedolad.
>> No. 13565 Anonymous
16th September 2017
Saturday 12:59 am
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>>13564
>The real science is
At least sciencepaedolad alludes to actual studies.
>> No. 13569 Anonymous
16th September 2017
Saturday 2:20 am
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>>13564
>The real science is that your taste in sexual partners usually progresses more or less with your own age and your sexual experience
Dunno if it's true or not, but there's a widely passed around chart showing that women prefer men within a band of their own age while men tend to hold their interest somewhere around 18-20 throughout their life

Can't remember what exactly it purported to measure though (in particular whether it was just ranking appearance, or whether there was an element of sexual attraction to it - getting into the question of "what could they really offer you in bed?")
>> No. 13570 Anonymous
16th September 2017
Saturday 2:56 am
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>>13564
>At some point, you will look back and find 20-year-olds definitely still sexually arousing to look at

20-year olds aren't the problem though lad. I agree with everything you say though, you are spot-on, but I remember clearly getting to that age of 30ish and things changing - before that, most women looked older and more mature than me regardless of age. Around then, suddenly the underage pretenders stick out like a sore mile - you can see they're girls and not women. You get to a point in male maturity in your thirties where you are suddenly not fooled anymore and the younger womens physical and emotional immaturity is obvious and you just don't fancy them. MILFs all the way. Unless you're a paedo obviously.
>> No. 13573 Anonymous
16th September 2017
Saturday 11:55 am
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>>13569
It was from OKCupid surveying their users.
>> No. 13575 Anonymous
16th September 2017
Saturday 11:42 pm
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>>13570

What this statistic doesn't make clear enough is that women really struggle to find either a romantic or a sexual partner from a certain age onward. Women experience sort of a reversal of fortunes from the time they're in their early 20s to about when they approach their late 30s. If you're not a complete munter at age 20, you can have all the dick you'll ever want. And lads of all ages will be queueing up around the block for you. But my best mate's older sister is 38 and divorced, and she says men in her age group, if they are single at all, want the 28-year-olds, and the only men on dating sites who have expressed genuine interest in her are well in their 50s.

On the other hand, actually attracting 28-year-olds becomes harder for men as well with every year that passes. You can delude yourself all you want; the vast majority of those young women will find the idea of shagging a man 20 years her senior outright repulsive.
>> No. 13576 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 12:15 am
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>>13575

>On the other hand, actually attracting 28-year-olds becomes harder for men as well with every year that passes. You can delude yourself all you want; the vast majority of those young women will find the idea of shagging a man 20 years her senior outright repulsive.

Age is cruel to us all, but most men badly let themselves go once they're past 30. You can knock the best part of a decade off if you just look after yourself - a decent grooming routine, properly tailored clothes, a fair amount of effort in the gym and a good psychologist. As a man, you have the advantage of traditional gender roles; a lot of young women (and twinks) really like being looked after by an older, wiser and wealthier man.

Most men could do quite well for themselves well into their forties if they looked after themselves. Most straight men don't, because they're utterly deluded about what they have to offer.
>> No. 13577 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 1:19 am
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>>13575
> Women experience sort of a reversal of fortunes from the time they're in their early 20s to about when they approach their late 30s.

>>13576

I'd argue that 23-27 is basically vintage age for lasses. Under 23 and you're looking at someone who's likely never paid a bill, never cooked a real meal, never worked a washing machine and by extension has no real clue what real life is really all about. I'm not saying that I expect lasses to fulfill those roles for me but I like my women the I am: independent and completely able to look after myself. Trying to explain to some utterly inexplicably self-entitled 19 year old that you won't be seeing her this weekend because you've had something penned in since before you met her is so far beyond tiresome that it hurts my soul just to think about it.

Likewise over about 27 or so and, and I'm sorry for offending any super-giga-feminists around, but the old biological clock starts ticking and they start wanting to settle down and maybe even have kids. If that's not your thing, or if they're not "the one" then this also starts to get a bit tiresome.

> On the other hand, actually attracting 28-year-olds becomes harder for men as well with every year that passes. You can delude yourself all you want; the vast majority of those young women will find the idea of shagging a man 20 years her senior outright repulsive.

Utterly disagree. Once you hit 30 you'll probably never shag another teenager again unless she's looking to tick "older man" off her ill-advised bucket list; most 18-19 year old lasses generally go up to around 25-27 tops but I've known plenty that have gone a lot higher just to have done it. I sort of get it as well, for 21 year old me bedding a 27 year old woman was pretty great.

Once women hit about 21 or so they're generally open to any age up until whenever that man falls utterly apart which generally falls anywhere in his 40s depending on how well he takes care of himself.
>> No. 13578 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 1:37 am
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>>13577
Christ, how does one 'do' casual sex outside of Tinder? I'm through the looking glass here.
>> No. 13579 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 1:45 am
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>>13578

Unfortunately I'd find myself having to invert the question because I've never installed tinder in my life.

For me it generally went: go out, meet girl, meet girl's friends, act charming, get invited to social gathering, ramp up the charm, receive phone calls from girls (who apparently got my number via osmosis), metastasise.

Obviously I'm a responsible married man these days and couldn't possibly find myself balls deep in teenage guts on any given night, so this advice may well be out of date.
>> No. 13580 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 1:47 am
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>>13579
Fair enough, I've not hit thirty yet so I guess there is a generation gap here.
>> No. 13581 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 1:55 am
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>>13580
> I've not hit thirty yet so I guess there is a generation gap here

Probably not as much as you think, I'd say about 10 years max.

You'll probably find that 30-35 is pretty much prime age for men to attract women in the 20-25 age group. For most men you tick all the boxes for a girl who hasn't quite broken out yet: independent, own place, won't be directly involved in her friendship circle, hasn't gone over the hill yet, can still fuck on demand. Just don't act all Peter Kay dad on a night out and you'll be swimming in fanny, lad.
>> No. 13582 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 2:17 am
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>>13581
>30-35 is pretty much prime age for men to attract women

Exactly this. Agree with another poster that women are at the height of their powers at 27 - they look awesome, they're clever and experienced in the world and they've probably got some degree of independence that means they'll let you have some too. It goes downhill after that.

My experience of getting to 30 though is that everything turns around - in your early thirties as a male, you're a bit more comfortable in your own skin, established in whatever career you've chosen and have some confidence about life - women of any age pick up on that very quickly.
>> No. 13583 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 2:27 am
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>>13582

This lad gets it.
>> No. 13585 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 11:36 am
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>>13581

>30-35 is pretty much prime age for men to attract women in the 20-25 age group. For most men you tick all the boxes for a girl who hasn't quite broken out yet: independent, own place, won't be directly involved in her friendship circle, hasn't gone over the hill yet, can still fuck on demand. 

It all greatly depends on you having your shit together in your own life. If you are a well adjusted, educated early-30something with a career and a strong likeable personality, then there is actually a fair amount of hope for you to pull women ten years younger than you.

But if you are a fuck up in one way or another, if you are jobless, broke, have no personality and no goals in life and you are getting more out of shape with every day that passes, do yourself a favour and forget about it.

In the end, as an olderlad, you are going to have to give women a valid reason why they should be hanging out with you instead of a younglad who is more towards their own age.

Just being "young at heart" won't cut it. Again, why should a young woman be with an old man who feels young at heart, when she can be with a lad who actually is young.

And all that isn't even considering all the flak you will get as an age gap couple both from your friends and hers, as well as from her parents.

I have simply seen this play out many times. And at some point, as an olderlad you just have to ask yourself, true love notwithstanding, if it's really worth the bother. If you are so desperate to fuck a 22-year-old, why not just go see a prozzie. And do some growing up afterwards.
>> No. 13586 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 2:45 pm
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>>13585

> It all greatly depends on you having your shit together in your own life.

Well that should go without saying. The whole point basically boils down to maturity and money; if you didn't acquire either of those then you're basically a sadder and more wrinkly version of early 20s you.

As one Simon David Williamson once said "In your twenties you can do it on looks, your thirties on personality, but in your forties you need cash or fame. Everyone thinks I'm aspirational, but I'm not. It's a maintenance thing with me, a kind of crisis management".
>> No. 13588 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 4:50 pm
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>>13586

Wealth tends to be more fragile than looks or personality though. If you maintain a bare minimum of personal hygiene, physical exercise and sensible diet, looks, for a guy, are not that easily ruined in your 20s. Even the onset of baldness in your late 20s will not be a true game changer.

Well and personality, I wouldn't say it comes for free in your 30s, it's hard earned both through losses and triumphs. But between looks and money, it tends to be the most enduring asset. The one that's really not that easy to fade or be taken away from you.

Money and wealth, by contrast, are much easier lost than gained. All it takes is a divorce from hell, some bad personal investments or being laid off from your well paying job in your late 40s, and you're fucked.
>> No. 13589 Anonymous
17th September 2017
Sunday 5:04 pm
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>>13588
>All it takes is a divorce from hell
If you're talking about attractive qualities for single people then I don't think anyone who's considering you as a partner is going to be worried about you losing your money in a divorce.
>> No. 13595 Anonymous
19th September 2017
Tuesday 1:16 am
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>>13589

Probably not, if they really see you for the person that you are.

But we were talking about what pulls young birds during which respective decade of your life. As a divorced penniless 40something, you may find solace with a fellow 40something or late-30something woman who also has to start her life from zero for whatever reason. But losing whatever wealth you had will rob you of one of the key selling points about yourself to those much coveted "pretty young things".
>> No. 13597 Anonymous
19th September 2017
Tuesday 9:50 am
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https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/sep/19/major-acid-leak-creates-vapour-cloud-over-hull

RIP Otherlads.
>> No. 13598 Anonymous
19th September 2017
Tuesday 11:49 am
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>>13597
"Acid leak in Hull causes £17.5 million improvements."
>> No. 13599 Anonymous
19th September 2017
Tuesday 11:08 pm
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44791DCD00000578-0-image-m-31_1505826708284.jpg
135991359913599
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4899146/Where-s-Dinky-Cat-VANISHES-flight-Dubai-UK.html

>A British pensioner has launched a search appeal after his cat mysteriously vanished while being flown from Dubai to England.

>Dinky has not been seen since she was checked in for the long haul flight ahead of a journey to London Gatwick, her owner Ian Lees said.

>But when he and wife Susan landed in Britain, the cage was handed back to him empty. The plane was thoroughly searched but the cat could not be found. 

>The cage Dinky had been travelling in had a slightly loose hinge and Mr Lees says it is possible his pet escaped before the plane took off.  
>> No. 13600 Anonymous
22nd September 2017
Friday 11:20 am
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>>13599
Bless him that's awful.
>> No. 13601 Anonymous
22nd September 2017
Friday 5:55 pm
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>>13600

>'Life has been terrible without Dinky. My wife and I are worried about him. We come from a nation of animal lovers and we are committed to our pets which are like family. We can only pray and hope we find Dinky.'

>Donna added: 'My father was so distressed about the whole situation that he just had to come back. He has lost weight and is now on medication for hypertension.'


Kind of just that slight bit of an overreaction.

Then again, I remember how it disrupted our family life when I was little and our cat was shot and killed by hunters in the woods adjacent to our street. They then just left our cat to die there, and we later found him while frantically searching the neighbourhood.

Luckily, we were able to find witnesses who saw the hunters in the area that day and knew them personally, and we could argue our case that the hunters, who then confessed, had no way of mistaking a Siamese cat for anything that was legal for them to shoot. At least not from the assumed shooting distance of 100 feet, with scopes on their rifles.

We actually went to court over it, and the hunters were found guilty of a violation of hunting laws as well as animal cruelty, and we were compensated for the replacement value of our Siamese cat. They argued that we shouldn't have let our cat run free in an area that was known to be frequented by hunters, but the judge wasn't having any of it and said it is up to the person who hunts to make sure they don't shoot an animal that isn't legal for them to pursue. And that the risk should not be carried by a pet owner who affords their cat species-adequate living conditions.

You don't really replace a cat though. That's indeed somebody's family member. You wouldn't shoot their uncle in the woods, would you.
>> No. 13602 Anonymous
22nd September 2017
Friday 7:52 pm
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>>13601
Congratulations on getting the best result that you could have legally achieved, though.
>> No. 13603 Anonymous
22nd September 2017
Friday 11:31 pm
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>>13602

Yeah, it was just sheer luck that somebody had seen the two hunters in the neighbourhood that day. That alone wouldn't have sealed it. But they didn't seem to be that bothered to admit that they shot our cat (which they didn't know belonged to us), because for some inconceivable reason, they thought they were more or less almost within their rights to do so, and that it was our fault for letting our cat go into those woods where people were frequently hunting.

What actually got into their heads when they decided to fire a hunting rifle at a defenceless domestic cat (Siamese or not), they were never able to tell us. I mean, there still had to be some sort of leap between vaguely assuming that cats would be fair game in a hunting area, and actually aiming your weapon at one and then pulling the trigger.

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