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>> No. 401873 Anonymous
18th May 2016
Wednesday 6:57 am
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hi britifag im from poland i have question becouse i want join to british army and i need by a citizen anyway i see that one can having Commonwealth And here is another question where the easiest to do in these countries
citizenship

Are there any other ways I got faster in because I do not want to wait much
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>> No. 401877 Anonymous ## Mod ##
18th May 2016
Wednesday 11:54 am
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>>401873

OK Lad, I'm sorry but we have an entire board for questions from foreigners, it's called /zoo/ its >>/zoo/ and I would have let you away with your broken English and lack of capitalisation and punctuation there. I sincerely wish I had a move thread function, because you're obviously harmless and are looking for advice, but rules are rules.

Since you seem nice though, I'll repost this for you in /zoo/ in proper English with the proper capitalisation and punctuation so you can get advice and not get banned for it when you reply in broken English.

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>> No. 401739 Anonymous
14th May 2016
Saturday 7:50 pm
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Eurovision/weekend thread.
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>> No. 401861 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 6:30 pm
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>>401774
I don't think anything tops Daz.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYgE7O0OLyw
>> No. 401862 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 6:46 pm
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>>401861

Ah, the good old days... wonder if a risqué schoolgirl choreography like that would fly nowadays.
>> No. 401863 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 6:53 pm
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>>401861
There's quite something about someone in their thirties acting like a teenager. Must be the same thing that made Simon Brodkin think this was a good idea.
>> No. 401864 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 6:55 pm
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>>401861

The only reasonable explanation is that we were trying to lose.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2OEd4pLMOI
>> No. 401865 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 7:19 pm
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>>401863

You see enough irresponsible chavs lads in real life who are well past their 30th birthday and are still acting like the last 10 to 15 years of their life never happened. Eventually they'll knock up some naive 17-year-old

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>> No. 401708 Anonymous
11th May 2016
Wednesday 1:25 pm
401708 The bitter pill
There is no greater misfortune for a man than parental love - genuine, blind, maniacal. 'Call home or I'll-'. The majority of misfortunes hit the individual from the outside but only this particular one corrodes him from the inside, in the most tender age. Even the prison, army and poverty deform a person less than the everyday nagging to put on a scarf. Eat this carrot. Eat an apple. Tea? We shall dine in an hour. We shall dine in half an hour. We shall dine in fifteen minutes. Where have you been? Wash your hands. Don't be late. Have you seen Mike? When did he leave? Did he wear his hat? She got married? You did that just because of that? She's not worth your grief. Why are you always yelling at me? I'll see you off. I'll meet you. Time to sleep. It's cold outside. Close your door. Don't drink unboiled water, don't drink unboiled water, don't drink unboiled water.

Your mam scampers around the 'hood looking for you? I thought as much, gimme a fag. 'Just agree with everything', my companion in misfortune said. A friend calls him from the railway station at evening: 'Meet me there'. Dress up. Hear, 'It's too late, you won't go anywhere'. Undress. Wait. Dress up again quickly, leave. No attention given to the yellings behind. He's neurotic, this companion of mine. A boxer and a neurotic. Bloody wild combination.

He's been living in Germany for three years without his parents and he's still neurotic. Likes Natural Born Killers. I understand; people unacquainted with the situation will never understand, condescending and easy-going. When you tell them that your grandpa is a morbid psychopath who, after a call from the forty years old daughter that's coming home, stands still near the peephole for fifty minutes, they shrug it off. They tell you in a hortative way that you will understand when you'll have your own kids. Happy idiots. They, having visited a neighbour to have a fag or a cuppa, have never had their own sixty-six years old father come in and take them home because it's late.

They laugh naively and offer, as a last resort, to move out. They have no idea that he who has seen the ills of the parental love does not know how to move out; thank God if he knows how to pay the bills. He doesn't know how to do anything. How to make decisions. Accept praise. Live together. Adapt. Yield. Keep distance. Hit someone in the face. Buy. Fix. Reply. Stricken with terror of this world he hates people way more than they deserve.

Love is a drug to him that he's used to receive freely and is now dependent on it. The dependance progresses, his mam's hysterical love is not enough. He needs some strong hallucinogens now that just aren't available for free. Besides, he's also unable to love because love requires distance and he, pampered with it [love], is not used to give back. Add the knowledge how onerous is love for its object he instinctively tries not to bother people he likes. Enter self-doubt, from 'I am god' to 'I am nothing'. Obsessive thoughts. Reflection. Looking at himself from aside. Everything that only worsens the situation.

A grown-up beloved kid is a crown prince who's been allowed to go freely after his father was beheaded. He had better be killed too. The combination of an infant and a tyrant surely cuts a human off the humanity. No need to help: his solitude corrodes and corrupts him by itself; his tragedy is well-tuned and he is able to replicate it himself. And then, if his momma's still alive, she will always find a minute to call him and ask if he's eaten today and where he was yesterday.

Thus the world is divided by one more criterion. On one side dwell the lone nervous suicidal try-hard slovens. On the other side, the easy-going, vain, well-liked tricksters. The latter are all right. During their puberty their parents were busy with anything but love to their kids.

In a classless society a prince is always more miserable than a beggar, infante than a waif, Sid Sawyer than Huckleberry Finn. Some spend their lives in dreams and whining, some in adventures and fabulousness. Some whine to their friends about existence, some go and shag another mistress, happy and grateful. Some spend months thinking how nice it would be to wash the floor; others can make their new dwelling comfortable in half a day. Some are dead bound to their flats; others change them at a whim, renting, couch-surfing, staying with friends.
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>> No. 401714 Anonymous
11th May 2016
Wednesday 7:25 pm
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>>401708

I can't for the life of me finish this post. Is it about overbearing parents failing to set their children up for adulthood? I suppose it's no surprise that neurotic, fearful people impart their failings onto their children, to some degree. A large part of becoming an adult is recognising the humanity of your parents.

That being said, the idea that 'too much' love in childhood prevents you from leading a normal life is virtually the exact opposite of the conclusion drawn by psychological inquiry, especially in attachment theory.
>> No. 401715 Anonymous
11th May 2016
Wednesday 7:58 pm
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>>401714

I think it's trying to say that cloying, overbearing parents can stunt their children from developing as healthy independent adults, which seems about right really.
>> No. 401780 Anonymous
15th May 2016
Sunday 9:00 pm
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>>401714
Carmen starts to bawl, bangs her head to the wall
Too much love is worse than none at all
>> No. 401781 Anonymous
15th May 2016
Sunday 9:32 pm
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>>401780
I think H. Harlow may have some evidence that contradicts your statement made.
>> No. 401850 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 12:21 pm
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>>401709
I've never read any of his works. I admit, the titles sound quite tempting.
>>401713
Bad choice of words on my part. The original text said—

All right, sod it. Full disclosure: this is an old copypasta from Russian imageboards. I translated it — awfully — and posted here, being curious how you'd react to it. It made a fair amount of Russian /b/tards angry back then. Forgive me my little bit of insolence.

>>401715
Something like that. It is still disputed though — some people say the text glorifies the 'tricksters' way too much.

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>> No. 401817 Anonymous
16th May 2016
Monday 6:56 pm
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At what age do you become too old to blow 5 grand and go backpacking for a few months/ years and live off a peanut budget?

Don't give me that 'you're never too old!' shit either.
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>> No. 401844 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 7:29 am
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>>401843

I'm 31 and have never stopped. I meet many, many thirty to fifty somethings who are worth talking to all the time, the Gap Yah kids really do keep themselves to themselves.

Work is easy to find as mentioned above.

If you want to make a real go of it qualify in TESOL or CELTA - you are then guaranteed well paid work.

Should you make it out to Asia let me know via here and we'll meet up for a few m7.
>> No. 401846 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 8:22 am
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>>401844
Cool but I meant there are lots of websites offering TEFL certification and similar things, which are legit?
>> No. 401847 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 8:32 am
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>>401830

This is likely wrong, but I believe walls were often used to regulate trade and somewhat keep invaders out, also I think most of the people were able to bribe the gatekeepers to leave the gates open, rather than scale the walls.

>>401837

>are there options open to me to do essentially the same thing if I don't have a degree?

Look here for some ideas; https://www.helpx.net/ No matter where you want to go, this should be able to get you a free place for a while. I will say knowing where you want to go is really handy, but nothing at all is stopping you.

>>401846

I'm doing one on the TEFL.org.uk site and it's fine. 120 hour online course, 20 hours taught in a class room, the rest online work. It's not ideal (I think just by being an online course), but it was relatively cheap and helped me find my option. It can be really frustrating actually, because you're suddenly have to start thinking about the words that you use. Let me know if you have questions, I should be able to answer a few.
>> No. 401848 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 9:36 am
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My GF is aching to leave the midlands - and she isn't willing to find work in the UK. She finished a bit of a waffle degree and unsurprisingly she can't find anything in her area.

She's currently doing the 120 hour TEFL course, and it is tough, especially if you haven't done any formal coursework in a while.

I really really want her to stop feeling trapped and depressed and move away and grow. But at the same time, I don't want her to pick some despotic shithole country (she got offered a volunteering position in Moldova, I strongly recommended against it - felt like a cunt, but seemed it was good sense). I really don't mind if she leaves for 6 months or so, she needs to do it because it breaks my heart seeing her waste away here.
>> No. 401869 Anonymous
17th May 2016
Tuesday 11:15 pm
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>>401843
Print one on a good quality paper.

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>> No. 364298 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 4:47 pm
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ITT: Weird dreams you've had lately.

I actually dreamed last night that I was in Australia, visiting the two blokes from the Foster's adverts in their beach hut. Sure enough, they gave me a Foster's, and I said "cheers, guys"... and then one of them said to me "oh no mayt, we don't say cheers heere. We say 'You little ripper!'"

Quite bizarre... has this dream got any deeper meaning, or have I just been watching too much telly lately?
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>> No. 401674 Anonymous
9th May 2016
Monday 4:27 am
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>>401662

I actually did a triple take when I realised that that thread has been around since then and that I posted in it when it was still a relatively young thread. Sigh. My, my how time doth fly.
>> No. 401676 Anonymous
9th May 2016
Monday 6:23 am
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>>401672
As long as the hairy girls thread is still there I'm happy. The picture of the girl in the OP gives me a right stonk on.

The workplace annoyances thread on /job/ is five years old this month. I may read all c. 1,900 posts to celebrate. Well, maybe not the parts where you're being cunts but I don't think there were any cunt-offs in the thread until last year.
>> No. 401678 Anonymous
9th May 2016
Monday 2:52 pm
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>>401674>>401671
Christ, I remember it being posted.

Do they even use those chaps in the ads now?
>> No. 401772 Anonymous
15th May 2016
Sunday 11:11 am
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Ran out of money in the long month, so had to give up weed for a fortnight. Dear me, but the dreams come back with a vengeance. I legitimately dreamed that Jean-Claude Van Damme rescued me from four sinister flamethrower-toting individuals who had come to 'cleanse' me of the radioactive disease I had contracted. They found me in my home; underneath an American schoolbus. There were some other more mundane but equally incomprehensible dreams, but this has stuck with me.
>> No. 401773 Anonymous
15th May 2016
Sunday 11:54 am
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>>401676

It's a very informative thread, in hindsight. It started around the time I began working around offices, and it brought me some solace that it wasn't just me bickering with Gemma from HR, choking on Cuppa Soup fumes, and questioning the value of everything I was doing there.

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>> No. 401721 Anonymous
12th May 2016
Thursday 3:16 am
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What's this area under the chin called?
Front side of the neck? Is there a better word?
I know people would usually call it "double chin" or "triple chin"

but calling it "chin" is simply scientifically inaccurate.

So what's that flappy amount of skin to the middle of his neck would be called?



I just wanted to spit out my roast by saying: "your [whatever's the correct terminology is] has probably seen more shagging back and forth than your [d-word] (not sure if it's allowed to use colloquial words here, might get banned by the overly zealous mod)

here
https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/4ixxjn/im_a_soon_to_be_famous_cyber_punk_banjo_player/
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>> No. 401732 Anonymous
12th May 2016
Thursday 12:15 pm
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Dewlap?
" In a more general manner, the term refers to any pendulous mass of skin, such as a fold of loose skin on an elderly person's neck, or the wattle of a bird."
>> No. 401733 Anonymous
12th May 2016
Thursday 8:05 pm
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I've always called it a Cumberflap.
>> No. 401734 Anonymous
12th May 2016
Thursday 8:11 pm
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>>401730
I wonder if a cock could fit in there.
>> No. 401736 Anonymous
13th May 2016
Friday 8:21 am
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>>401725
This is what google images returned, seems "turkey neck" fits better into the definition, however, in my understanding of "neck" was more about the bone, you know...
>>401730
>chin pouch
This seems to be the most appropriate term so far.

also, would totally recommend the sub, sometimes you stumble upon germs like this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/4fzer8/boredomroast_my_ginger_coworker/
>> No. 401738 Anonymous
13th May 2016
Friday 8:24 am
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>>401736
>germs

gems *

self-fix

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>> No. 401172 Anonymous
10th April 2016
Sunday 8:46 pm
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Would it be cheating if I came on an escorts face?

No touching whatsoever, I just wank it over her face.
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>> No. 401437 Anonymous
20th April 2016
Wednesday 2:13 am
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>>401435
Have some self-discipline, lad.
>> No. 401438 Anonymous
20th April 2016
Wednesday 2:16 am
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>>401437

I'm not sure I'll ever be in a Japanese brothel again. The question is whether my self discipline is worth enforcing.
>> No. 401440 Anonymous
20th April 2016
Wednesday 6:54 am
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>>401435>>401438

Men are genuinely pathetic creatures.
>> No. 401441 Anonymous
20th April 2016
Wednesday 9:30 am
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>>401438
It is.
>> No. 401735 Anonymous
13th May 2016
Friday 12:10 am
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>>401438
Honestly ladm8bruv that is the toughest decision you may ever have to make.

Some tiny Japanese girl making them cooing sounds like they do.

To be honest I'd wait and see the quality of the minge on offer, if its a cellulite fest you may not even want to, however if its some tiny 5' slim as fuck tightest pussy you will ever be near AND that she'll let you do terrible terrible things too (I'm thinking octopus) then what can you do!?! Your best bet is to simply get blind drunk and be content in the knowledge that it may have happened.

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>> No. 399500 Anonymous
1st February 2016
Monday 3:00 pm
399500 Gangstah innit bruv
When I was growing up anything which vaguely glamourised gangsterism was deeply taboo in my house. One incident involved my dad flipping out and tearing down a Scarface poster from my bedroom wall. Quite the experience for a young teenlad. There was also the time he read theorist act to my friends and I for wanting to go trick or treating as the Krays.

Earlier this year the reasons became clear as it turns out he he and my uncles had been quite heavily involved in various goings on in their teens and twenties, mostly in the 60s and 70s. Thinking of my uncles this makes sense, but my dad was always the most polite community minded person ever. He would always take the bins in for neighbours on both sides etc.

Does your family have any similar skeletons in the cupboard? Could .gs be a front for a criminal empire?
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>> No. 401717 Anonymous
11th May 2016
Wednesday 8:35 pm
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>>401716

How well trained is your dog, lad?
>> No. 401718 Anonymous
11th May 2016
Wednesday 9:10 pm
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>>401716
I'm descended from a paedophile from about a century ago. I think I've got it worse when it comes to social perception.
>> No. 401719 Anonymous
11th May 2016
Wednesday 10:08 pm
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>>401718
Hmm. Which is worse? Nazi or noncekin?

There's only one way to find out ...
>> No. 401720 Anonymous
11th May 2016
Wednesday 10:44 pm
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>>401719
He's probably related to Lewis Carroll and is trying to be self deprecating.
>> No. 401727 Anonymous
12th May 2016
Thursday 10:07 am
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>>401720
I really hope that's not the case because if so he can just fuck off.

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>> No. 401532 Anonymous
30th April 2016
Saturday 12:10 am
401532 Birthdays
To what extent do you celebrate your birthday, gs?

I'm approaching another revolution of our local star since sliding out of my mum's fanny and I have to say, I find the prospect of recognising this anniversary more underwhelming than ever.

Let's be honest, there is no achievement to be celebrated here. I get the impression many people use it purely as a means to boost their own ego.

This year I plan on getting away with just visiting my parents with my GF for a meal, simply because they'd be genuinely upset if I didn't. Shitty night clubs, restaurant meals or activity days with people who feel obliged to be there can take a break, for this year at least.
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>> No. 401648 Anonymous
7th May 2016
Saturday 11:52 pm
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I have a wank, imagining that it's Rachel Riley doing a special tug on my winkle. Then I go to work.
>> No. 401650 Anonymous
8th May 2016
Sunday 12:18 am
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>>401622
>On the other hand, don't you make yourself look more silly if you decline your ex's invitation to her wedding? After all, given certain circumstances, this can be your chance to show that you're above it.

You couldn't pay me to go to an ex's wedding*. Showing you're above it by not automatically leaving a bar is one thing but I'd go out on a limb and say he went there to make a scene or steal the bride.

*well you probably could for a few hundred quid

>>401648
I've never thought about having a wank to the thought of having a wank but the added realism intrigues me. Like watching British porn with the sound on.
>> No. 401656 Anonymous
8th May 2016
Sunday 2:26 am
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>I've never thought about having a wank to the thought of having a wank but the added realism intrigues me. Like watching British porn with the sound on.

I've never thought about such intrigue but your mystery makes me wank like frenzy thinking about the cumhole.
>> No. 401661 Anonymous
8th May 2016
Sunday 10:32 pm
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>>401656
>wank like frenzy thinking about the cumhole.
Happy Birthday, OP!
>> No. 401668 Anonymous
9th May 2016
Monday 12:36 am
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>>401648

>imagining that it's Rachel Riley doing a special tug on my winkle.


- "Could it be done, Rachel?"

- "No, this one's impossible."

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>> No. 401623 Anonymous
5th May 2016
Thursday 9:43 pm
401623 touchy touchy
our hero returns http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/akinwale-arobieke-10-year-ban-11291430
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>> No. 401630 Anonymous
6th May 2016
Friday 1:53 am
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>>401626
264,578 views.
>> No. 401638 Anonymous
7th May 2016
Saturday 9:35 pm
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>> No. 401651 Anonymous
8th May 2016
Sunday 1:25 am
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>>401627

Yeah, I wish I saved the pics, they spread all the way from USA to Germany.
>> No. 401655 Anonymous
8th May 2016
Sunday 2:15 am
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>> No. 401658 Anonymous
8th May 2016
Sunday 4:31 pm
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>> No. 401505 Anonymous
24th April 2016
Sunday 7:50 pm
401505 Earthquake rememberance in Nepal.
An emotional time. You have your own examples?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FxTK-E8qw2M
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>> No. 401512 Anonymous
25th April 2016
Monday 4:41 pm
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>>401511

He never posted here, apart from once to tell the lad who'd been prank calling his home address for 4 years to leave him alone. Si posted on britchan, not britfa.gs.

He is essentially a meme at this point, a hold over from another website. It's not foreign though, so it's allowed.
>> No. 401513 Anonymous
25th April 2016
Monday 5:38 pm
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>>401512

Also forced meme that Si is purple.
>> No. 401514 Anonymous
25th April 2016
Monday 6:45 pm
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>>401513

Bollocks. I think we all know that purple is really Rico Daniels.
>> No. 401515 Anonymous
25th April 2016
Monday 6:58 pm
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>>401514

I struggle to imagine purple living in France and running .gs from a French shed.
>> No. 401646 Anonymous
7th May 2016
Saturday 11:39 pm
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>I struggle to imagine purple living in France and running .gs from a French shed.

CAPITAL P. ALWAYS CAPITAL P M7. PURPZ KNOWS WHERE U LIVE INNIT.

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>> No. 401477 Anonymous
22nd April 2016
Friday 9:03 pm
401477 Wild gift card appeared
I just went to buy something on amazon and it told me I had a £171.50 gift card balance. I'm poor as shit, and friends/family don't know my account info and probably wouldn't do that. It showed up on 20/04, and 171.50 is a weird number.

How do I find out what happened? If there's been a mistake by someone else I'd like to return it, but if it's a mistake by amazon I don't want to alert them.
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>> No. 401480 Anonymous
22nd April 2016
Friday 9:54 pm
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>>401477
Have you had anything refunded?

Just be aware that if you really don't know anything about it, but just go ahead and spend it anyway, that's a crime that can net you up to ten years inside.

If you really can't account for how it got there, then some changing of passwords may be in order.
>> No. 401489 Anonymous
23rd April 2016
Saturday 2:18 am
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>>401480
I'd keep the password the same as long as they keep putting money in lol.
>> No. 401490 Anonymous
23rd April 2016
Saturday 2:18 am
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>>401480
I'd keep the password the same as long as they keep putting money in lol.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 401491 Anonymous
23rd April 2016
Saturday 2:39 am
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>>401489
>>401490
lol just as funny the second time.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 401492 Anonymous
23rd April 2016
Saturday 2:53 am
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>>401478

I'm appreciative of their service, but they already have enough money. If it's amazon's mistake then no-one's getting sacked. What's wrong with me relishing the idea of just spending this money? If I was going to throw it away on crap I would have done so already. It's a week's wages for me.

>>401480

I've changed my password already. Last time I was on amazon I was drunk but I was on my phone, I tried getting on with my PC today and couldn't get the account info or email right for some reason. So that's kind of sketchy, but then again I might have been drunk. But my bank statement hasn't changed. It is my birthday this week, which is why I'm wondering if it might be a present. Also it's $247 US/220 euros so maybe close enough to be 250 with some fee or something.

>>401480

I'm trying to check. I recall a couple of payments which seemed to go through after the order was cancelled but they were pretty small, hence why I didn't chase them up. I haven't used any Prime service so perhaps it could have been a refund from those times you use it for christmas presents and then forget about it but don't use amazon for ages so yeah...

Interestingly, the gift card is actually the default payment option so it'd be pretty easy to accidentally use it.

>>401479
Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

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>> No. 401481 Anonymous
22nd April 2016
Friday 11:50 pm
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Locked
So ...in the USA we have a guy named Steven King who writes books

He wrote a " Cow-boy and robot and dragons and lasers and wizards" books called The Dark Tower series. now there gonna make it into a movie staring THIS GUY. --I can not pronounce his name

This guy Ibris Eldra-what-ever is a brit yes? he was up for the roll of 007 yes?
...well he (idris) is a slick ,sauve, good looking, internatiinal (POSH?) guy !!!!

Roland Deschain was UUGGLY !! brutal , nasty , bitter, not pretty ,not sauve...
....in short ROLAND WAS AN AMERICAN !!!
(Roland is the main cow boy guy)

do you brits have any idea what im talkin g about?

(A good day to you Sir!)
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>> No. 401483 Anonymous
22nd April 2016
Friday 11:53 pm
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i know that you brits got upset about this guy here:playing robin hood with an american accent , AND RIGHTLY SO. he was too lazy to learn to talk like a brit.

anyway ,

whiteline
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>> No. 400789 Anonymous
1st April 2016
Friday 2:59 pm
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVo_wkxH9dU

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghetti-tree_hoax

>An estimated eight million people watched the programme on 1 April, and hundreds phoned in the following day to question the authenticity of the story or ask for more information about spaghetti cultivation and how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. The BBC reportedly told them to "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best".

As April Fool's day jokes litter the web, just a reminder that David Dimbleby and the Panorama team were pulling this sort of shit 60 years ago, and rather well.
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>> No. 401283 Anonymous
13th April 2016
Wednesday 1:16 pm
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>>401276
You've risotto be kidding.
>> No. 401287 Anonymous
13th April 2016
Wednesday 1:31 pm
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>>401283
In for a penne, in for a pound, I suppose.
>> No. 401358 Anonymous
17th April 2016
Sunday 2:19 am
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No cheesy pasta.
>> No. 401374 Anonymous
17th April 2016
Sunday 8:52 am
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I think the OP would rather this thread have taken a different ruote.
>> No. 401449 Anonymous
20th April 2016
Wednesday 8:36 pm
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I suppose I'm going to have to Spirali it out for you.

whiteline
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