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>> No. 402609 Anonymous
12th June 2016
Sunday 3:23 am
402609 Toilet roll
I was bored so I stuck my willy in a toilet roll tube. It just about fit and my helmet popped out the other end. Do you think if I posted this on mumsnet I would get lots of sex with yummy mummies.
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>> No. 402754 Anonymous
19th June 2016
Sunday 11:23 pm
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>>402751
Why? Just wait and use the bathroom. Fucking filth.
>> No. 402755 Anonymous
19th June 2016
Sunday 11:41 pm
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>>402751
I think you have to ask yourself why your bird is scrubbing out her minge in the first place. That's just weird.
>> No. 402757 Anonymous
19th June 2016
Sunday 11:47 pm
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>>402754>>402755
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/a1875847-Do-you-dunk-your-penis
>> No. 402758 Anonymous
19th June 2016
Sunday 11:51 pm
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>>402755
I pity you that can't get a lass wet.
>> No. 403488 Anonymous
2nd July 2016
Saturday 6:58 am
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what the fuck is wrong with you people....

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>> No. 402319 Anonymous
5th June 2016
Sunday 6:52 pm
402319 Conversion
Have any of you converted Religiously or do you have any religious anecdotes?
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>> No. 403380 Anonymous
30th June 2016
Thursday 3:46 pm
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>>403379
>Are you trying to tell me that there's no cabal of rich people who believe in occultism and use child sacrifices in their rituals? That this is absolutely just not happening?
Remember those scary videos with the kids? If we were to believe them, it would be the first documented case, ever, in human history, of it actually happening. Naturally, like every other time it came up, the evidence had been fabricated. The kids had been coached.

The whole Jewish blood sacrifice thing is nonsense straight out of Protocols.
>> No. 403381 Anonymous
30th June 2016
Thursday 4:37 pm
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>>403380
>If we were to believe them, it would be the first documented case, ever, in human history, of it actually happening.
No actually, it wouldn't. If you'd watched the video I posted, you'd see that there's genuinely been several recorded cases of a child's cadaver being discovered showing signs of extensive torture along with a lot of punctures in the skin (for the sake of draining blood).

Also, on what grounds are you dismissing the Protocols? We're talking about the same book right? About the Jewish checklist for world domination?
>> No. 403382 Anonymous
30th June 2016
Thursday 4:52 pm
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>>403381
>If you'd watched the video I posted
Why would anyone want to do something silly like that?
>> No. 403400 Anonymous
30th June 2016
Thursday 7:34 pm
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>>403379

Everything on the internet is true, Ickelad, everything.
>> No. 403403 Anonymous
30th June 2016
Thursday 7:58 pm
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>>403379
Vampires, lad.
Cite the individual cases rather than a long Youtube film.

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>> No. 403175 Anonymous
28th June 2016
Tuesday 12:23 pm
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>>402786
Is picrelated true?
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>> No. 403211 Anonymous
28th June 2016
Tuesday 5:01 pm
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>>403194
>Americans vote Republican/Democrat because these are the parties that provide their communities benefits. Places like Wales and Cornwall should have voted remain under this logic but they didn't.
Americans don't follow that logic either. States which are the biggest beneficiaries of federal spending tend to be the most staunchly Republican, despite the Republicans being the party with a budget cutting fetish.
>> No. 403213 Anonymous
28th June 2016
Tuesday 5:14 pm
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>>403211
It's one of the great ironies of American politics. They call it pork barrel politics - the voters don't like the idea of wasteful spending in other states and districts, but don't mind so much when their own representatives "bring home the pork".
>> No. 403215 Anonymous
28th June 2016
Tuesday 5:29 pm
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>>403199

>770,000 years before the Channel formed, making us not a part of mainland France.

We were indeed connected to mainland Europe by a broad land mass called Doggerland, which stretched from northern Germany to northwestern France and covered most of what is now the southern half of the North Sea. It gradually became submerged when sea levels rose after the last Ice Age some 10,000 years ago, and it was actually inhabited by mesolithic humans. It was rich, fertile land, and it is speculated that much of it looked like the low-lying parts of East Anglia.
>> No. 403218 Anonymous
28th June 2016
Tuesday 5:41 pm
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>>403213
I wouldn't be so negative about it. I once had a freind in Mississippi explain why he votes Republican and its because Republicans actually care about the communities they represent in the area in the same way democrats care about those behind the blue wall, this is after all the nation of Huey Long. Pork Barrel spending is a problem at the national level but at the local level its about keeping a factory open that is putting food on the table for sizeable percentage of the community. Coal mines in particular are a huge issue for America but if the coal mines collapse (as they are) the very poorest regions of the country will be devastated as we might remember from Thatcher.

In a way I think our devolved politics is heading this way, yeah you might not want independence but which party out of all of them is going to stuff money in YOUR pocket without raising taxes and which one can pull strings in Westminster to ensure your shipbuilding industry keeps ticking.

Complain ticked for probable fluff.
>> No. 403306 Anonymous
29th June 2016
Wednesday 4:46 pm
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>>403218

>In a way I think our devolved politics is heading this way, yeah you might not want independence but which party out of all of them is going to stuff money in YOUR pocket without raising taxes and which one can pull strings in Westminster to ensure your shipbuilding industry keeps ticking.

People rarely care more about the world around them than the question of how politics affects their life very immediately. If a government cuts their industry's jobs, such as Thatcher did with the coal industry, then they will not vote for that particular politician or government. On the other hand, many upwardly mobile Yuppies of the 1980s who got rich in the stock market at the time were fervent supporters of Thatcher's politics because Thatcher's privatisation boom made many of them quite wealthy.

That's it. Plain and simple. Put food on somebody's table, i.e. protect their job that puts food on their table, and they will vote for you.

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>> No. 403296 Anonymous
29th June 2016
Wednesday 8:28 am
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Locked
Do gatherings in London? In Moscow there!
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>> No. 403302 Anonymous
29th June 2016
Wednesday 3:52 pm
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May I politely direct you to /zoo/, and kindly request that you and your countrymen try not to buy up all the houses in London in the coming months; some of us still need to live there.

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>> No. 403025 Anonymous
26th June 2016
Sunday 9:41 pm
403025 Witnessing a bad thing and not intervening
Today I was walking home from Tesco, and I saw two girls (12-14) in a phone booth holding the door shut and crying. Outside were two soft looking lads (14-15) in roller skates, and two rough looking lads (15-16) on BMXs. The roller skaters looked to be trying to defend the girls, and were fighting the rough lads. However, being in roller skates made them have zero stability, and every punch thrown at them instantly grounded them and rendered them unable to get up, allowing rough lads to kick them when they were down.

I felt I should have intervened, but wasn't sure what to say, and whether it'd be acceptable for a grown man to attack a 15 year old to save a 14 year old. I called the police, but as I got through the rough lads biked away, and the police said "ah it'll be fine, boys will be boys", but after he put the phone down the lads returned as a brown man helped the roller skaters off the floor. I walked away.

What is the right thing to do in these situations? Intervene or carry on? Escalate the situation? Have you ever been in such a situation?
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>> No. 403183 Anonymous
28th June 2016
Tuesday 1:44 pm
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>>403177
I've just had a look on Google Maps and I think you're right. It was on the way back from having a walk around a cemetery. Looking at the layout of the paths appears to have been Mill Road Cemetery that I was wandering around. The altercation itself was witnessed at the junction of a residential street (which I think was either one-way or not open to cars) with the main road.

You may claim your prize at the next Purpfest.
>> No. 403198 Anonymous
28th June 2016
Tuesday 2:43 pm
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>>403172
If I remember right the advice when encountering abusive relationships is to wait it out and ask her if she needs help when she is alone. Unless he is properly bouncing her off the walls so to speak.

Remember there is allot more going on in abusive relationships than just the bully which is why women in abusive relationships often end up back in one. You can't take a sledgehammer to every problem and all that.
>> No. 403207 Anonymous
28th June 2016
Tuesday 4:14 pm
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>>403172

Nothing good can come from intervening in a domestic, the Police are pretty good these days at dealing with domestic abuse your best bet was to call 999. It's changed thankfully for the better compared to when I was a kid.

Intervening would likely get you filled in by both the woman and the man and even possibly nicked yourself. You did the right thing walking away and minding your own business.
>> No. 403287 Anonymous
29th June 2016
Wednesday 12:01 am
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>>403167
Mirth!
>> No. 403293 Anonymous
29th June 2016
Wednesday 1:05 am
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>>403183
No surprise there, every city/town has its dodgy areas, Cambridge is no exception. Anywhere east of Parker's Piece and you may as well be in the shite part of any English city, albeit with a slightly better standard of pub sprinkled in.

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>> No. 402535 Anonymous
9th June 2016
Thursday 7:46 pm
402535 Sexual comedy
What was your worst sexual experience? Share other anecdotes.
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>> No. 402846 Anonymous
23rd June 2016
Thursday 6:58 pm
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>>402835

Yes, sex can be messy. The things that can happen to you during, before and after can be unpleasant or even downright gross. Sex itself is not always, or perhaps never a very sanitary or antiseptic affair. Whether you accept that as coming with the territory or not.

But the point of this thread, if I understood it correctly, was for us to offer and share accounts of bad sex. If it makes sex bad when you're taking somebody up the arse and then have their diarrhea on your penis tip, or if you feel that somebody farting in your face during oral sex is a quite nasty thing to happen, is quite subjective in the end, isn't it. Some people don't mind it, some even get off on it, some people think it's a bad sex anecdote worth sharing. Who are we to pass judgement.
>> No. 402847 Anonymous
23rd June 2016
Thursday 7:04 pm
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>>402846
>> No. 402852 Anonymous
23rd June 2016
Thursday 9:06 pm
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>>402842
Calling it 'poo' for a start. That's a bit of a baby word, and you're supposedly a grown man. Are you sure you're even allowed to be on here?

>>402846
Everyone internally groans when they see you've ticked "going" on events on FB, mate, cause they know they're in for a night of ceaseless aspie rambling about Brexit and you fumbling the spliff when it's foolishly passed your way.
>> No. 402853 Anonymous
23rd June 2016
Thursday 9:09 pm
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>>402852
n1 m8, i didn't no wot hit me.
>> No. 402854 Anonymous
23rd June 2016
Thursday 10:18 pm
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>>402852

>cause they know they're in for a night of ceaseless aspie rambling about Brexit and you fumbling the spliff when it's foolishly passed your way.

You would say something like that, wouldn't you.

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>> No. 402358 Anonymous
6th June 2016
Monday 1:34 am
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It's that time of the year again lads. I wish you all a lovely Ramadan. Share your Ramadan stories here, if you have any. Remember to give to the poor, refrain from the evils and temptations of modern society, and above all, remember to forgive.
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>> No. 402475 Anonymous
8th June 2016
Wednesday 2:44 pm
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>>402473
Pardon?
>> No. 402476 Anonymous
8th June 2016
Wednesday 2:51 pm
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>>402475
You can say no mate, that would be violating his human rights.
>> No. 402478 Anonymous
8th June 2016
Wednesday 2:59 pm
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>>402476
I'd like to believe that this is an incredibly lame troll, but just in case, I'll point out that the fact that there's a human right to marriage doesn't mean refusing to marry someone violates their human rights. I'll leave you to work out the hows and whys on your own.
>> No. 402745 Anonymous
19th June 2016
Sunday 9:52 pm
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This year's Ramadan may end at 7/7, meaning that the Eid will be celebrated on that day. And the next Eid may fall on 9/11.

Hooray for the lunar calendar.
>> No. 402764 Anonymous
20th June 2016
Monday 12:39 pm
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>>402745

It's all one big conspiracy.

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>> No. 402708 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 11:38 pm
402708 Hello fags Locked
privet suka blyad, im from russia, and in this tread i want to ask you what you think about russia and russians. And wheres fap-threads here? a u reconstituted pork product in gravys?

oкey, let sтaят our дiscussion
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>> No. 402709 Anonymous
19th June 2016
Sunday 12:01 am
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Try /zoo/ lad.

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>> No. 402587 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 11:20 pm
402587 Need help pinning down something to buy
Lads,

I go diving and a common problem is where to put car keys if you don't want to take them with you and no other storage is available.

What I'm thinking I'd like is a design like pic related, which allows you to put the car key in the box and secure it with a combination lock. The box is itself secured to a car wheel, with a cable threaded through the spokes. The car would be left in a very busy dive centre car park, so I'm not worried about someone bringing along bolt cutters and making off with the key and the car. Apparently loads of people just leave keys on top of a back tyre but that's a bit too risky for me.

Suggestions of other solutions that fulfill the requirements would be appreciated. On /b/ because I have no fucking idea where else to put it.
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>> No. 402687 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 2:21 pm
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>>402686

Business waits for no man.
>> No. 402690 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 4:33 pm
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>>402686

Well jokes aside, there are indeed scuba masks with built-in microphones for underwater communication. With a bit of electronics wizardry, you could probably build a device that patches phone calls from your smartphone through to your scuba mask.

http://www.scuba.com/scuba-gear-124/029944/Ocean-Reef-Neptune-Space-G.divers-Full-Face-Mask-with-Diver-Communication-Unit.html

On the other hand, as these scuba masks appear to be $900 a pop (regular, higher quality scuba masks cost little more than £100), it's difficult to imagine somebody spending that kind of money just to be able to answer important phone calls under water.

If you can afford to spend 900 dollars on a scuba mask, then quite likely you can also afford to be unavailable for phone calls for an hour at a time.
>> No. 402691 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 4:50 pm
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>>402690
>If you can afford to spend 900 dollars on a scuba mask, then quite likely you can also afford to be unavailable for phone calls for an hour at a time.
I could see the opposite also being true.
>> No. 402692 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 5:01 pm
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>>402691

I guess we'd have to ask people who have bought one.

There was a documentary on BBC Four a while ago about marine life in the British Isles, and the presenter was wearing one of those microphone masks under water while talking to the camera.

The Beeb can't be doing that badly.
>> No. 402705 Anonymous
18th June 2016
Saturday 10:40 pm
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>Business waits for no man.

neither does the toilet.

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>> No. 402578 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 10:53 pm
402578 Dangerlads
What do otherlads get up to that's dangerous and may end up in injury or death? I'm a mountain biker that has ended up in hospital a few times and almost fallen off a few mountains. Anyone else?
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>> No. 402586 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 11:16 pm
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>>402584
You make Britain sound like Mexico.
>> No. 402591 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 11:43 pm
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I get a buzz from driving a bit recklessly.
>> No. 402594 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 11:55 pm
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>>402591

OP here

As long as you stay offroad and ready to peel your teeth from a tree trunk oneday, otherwise don't be a cunt.
>> No. 402602 Anonymous
12th June 2016
Sunday 1:15 am
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>>402591
>driving a bit recklessly.

I spent a week in Germany a while ago visiting friends. Yes, land of the Autobahn. The more accident-prone sections of motorway there now usually have speed limits of 100 to 120 kph, but there are still long stretches of pristine six- or even eight-lane motorway, usually traversing rural areas, where you are legally allowed to go as fast as you can. My humble Ford Mondeo only does about 110 mph and even that only if you say please, but my friend there has a '99 BMW 540i with a 285hp V8. We took it for a spin along what must have been 50 miles of almost continuously unrestricted Autobahn, and I just gulped when I saw it climb up to 250 kph in no time at all. And then he let me have a go. My friend was still cool as a cucumber at over 200 kph, he was driving with just one hand at the wheel and cracking jokes, but when it was my turn, I started breaking a sweat and clenching the steering wheel when we got to 220 kph, and after five to ten minutes I slowed down again to a more comfortable speed. I asked him how he does that, to just stay cool and casual at that kind of speed. But he just said in his endearing German accent, "If you drive here long enough, you will learn".
>> No. 402603 Anonymous
12th June 2016
Sunday 1:27 am
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>But he just said in his endearing German accent, "If you drive here long enough, you will learn"

It probably wasn't said but I can probably imagine that's what Lauder nodded in his helmet to James Hunt.

Proper dangerlads.

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>> No. 402560 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 4:59 am
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I was watching a bunch of old Ray Winstone films I had in my dvd collection and Big Mo was in a couple (Nil by mouth, love honour and obey). Didn't really notice her the first time watching those (when I got them, years and years ago) because I didn't recognize her at the time from Eastenders. Done a bit of background reading and she's fucking Gary Oldman's sister. Who knew?

I also recently read that Theon Greyjoy actor is Lily Allen's brother.
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>> No. 402569 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 3:05 pm
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I recently discovered that four members of The Jackson 5 are actually the siblings of Michael Jackson
>> No. 402570 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 3:25 pm
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I thought it was pretty obvious that Alfie Allen was Lily Allen's brother. They've got the same googly-eyed appearance
>> No. 402571 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 3:44 pm
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>>402570
I bet you didn't know that Keith Allen is their dad, though.
>> No. 402572 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 5:47 pm
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I am a direct decedent of my nan, who knew?
>> No. 402575 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 7:26 pm
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>>402572

I have nothing but pitta for you

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>> No. 402547 Anonymous
10th June 2016
Friday 4:07 pm
402547 Escorts?
I don't really know where to put this, but does anybody on here have any experiences with escorts/prostitutes that they'd like to share?

I've been mulling over the idea of going with one but I'm torn about the idea of paying for what I know to be a fake experience versus the convenience, that and the fact the woman could possibly have been with someone else the same day etc.

At the moment though I'm just curious as to see what you lot think about the whole idea, or to share experiences.
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>> No. 402554 Anonymous
10th June 2016
Friday 8:59 pm
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>>402550

£10 would get you no more than a handjob from the ropiest, most AIDS-riddled old tart in Pattaya. The going rate for longtime with a bar girl is 3000thb plus the bar fine, or about £70. The better go-go girls and escorts charge twice that.
>> No. 402555 Anonymous
10th June 2016
Friday 9:39 pm
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>>402553

Im actually in trafficking so a pimp on steroids. If you insist on being a queer and getting in my business I will burn you and your nonce family to the fucking ground.
>> No. 402557 Anonymous
10th June 2016
Friday 10:02 pm
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Hello
>> No. 402558 Anonymous
10th June 2016
Friday 10:48 pm
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>>402553
At the very least we should have an affiliate link if thats the case.
>> No. 402559 Anonymous
11th June 2016
Saturday 12:48 am
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I hired my first one ever a couple of weeks ago. She was about twice the price of most of the others I'd seen on aw.c but also the only one who could construct a real sentence without spelling mistakes, not to mention having a very specific list of things she would do that happened to be things I was into. In person she was extremely sweet and helpful, putting me at ease with conversation when I explained it was my first time with an escort. Not quite as physically perfect in person as in her pictures, but more accurate than you'd get on a dating site. That wasn't a problem.
The sex itself was a bit shit, as it always is with someone you don't have real feelings for but the psychological side of feeling like someone was enjoying spending time with me was absolutely worth it, even if/though it was an act. I made a thread on 420chan's /qq/ about it which is still there if you want more detail, just go a page or two back. I'm considering booking her again, for the company rather than the sex.
I can't help feeling that I was lucky to get such a positive experience, judging from some of the comments made.

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>> No. 402390 Anonymous
6th June 2016
Monday 6:13 pm
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I'm 22. I live at home and work in a graduate role. I earn money and pay my parents a few hundred in rent every month.

Despite many people saying it's the mark of a man and many friends and colleagues berating me for having no intention to move out, should I care?

I honestly wouldn't mind living here until I was about 30. I can save money every month in good quantity, no worry about keeping my job, if I lose it, I will still have a place to eat and sleep. My parents are coming up to retirement and plan to sign over the house to me and my siblings over the next few years anyway so at some point I'll own a third or so of it.

We live in a nice suburban four bedroom house and my room is spacious and modern. We're within commuting distance to a major UK city (not London).

People always ask me when I plan to move out and I say no time soon, and people look at me like I'm a giant manchild, but I don't understand the need to waste cash when I've got it so good. Nothing at university made me feel grown up when I was counting pennies for a 10p chew because rent and bills just got taken out.

Maybe I'm just being an immature prick. Anybody any thoughts at staying at home into early 30s?
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>> No. 402531 Anonymous
9th June 2016
Thursday 6:52 pm
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>>402529
Two of the most "successful" people I went to school with (I'm 27) did not go to university. They didn't even go to college. One went straight to BAE in Brough as an apprentice engineer and the other went to AAK in Hull as, I think, a chemical engineer and was earning nearly £40k by the time he was 19 because of some rapid progression and the amount of overtime he did.
>> No. 402532 Anonymous
9th June 2016
Thursday 6:54 pm
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>>402529
>>402531
In a similar vein I know a lad who took up an apprenticeship with KPMG.

Started earning like 20k a year at 18, now earns about 50k a year and they ended up covering his tuition and sending him to do a part time degree anyway.
>> No. 402533 Anonymous
9th June 2016
Thursday 7:05 pm
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>>402532
I went to uni with someone in his 40s from E&Y, with them paying for the degree and giving him £10k, or possibly £12k, a year to cover his living costs.

I was offered a trainee job with PwC after college but I turned them down to go to uni. I couldn't even get an interview with them when I graduated.
>> No. 402534 Anonymous
9th June 2016
Thursday 7:10 pm
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>>402533

Fucking hell lad. You fucked up. The lad is on the young side of his twenties and he's set to probably earn 80k by 25. He's never not flying first class around to America etc.

I feel you though, it irks me everyday that I didn't have the foresight or guidance to look into something like that.
>> No. 402537 Anonymous
9th June 2016
Thursday 8:34 pm
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>>402534
Yeah, it wasn't the best decision I've ever made. That being said, I did a placement year working in finance for the NHS and that was soul destroying enough to put me off accountancy as a career.

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>> No. 400492 Anonymous
19th March 2016
Saturday 12:13 pm
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Weekend thread? Weekend thread.

Just popped to Iceland and I think I was the only one there not buying Frosty Jacks.
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>> No. 402312 Anonymous
5th June 2016
Sunday 12:15 am
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>>402289
Emily?
>> No. 402313 Anonymous
5th June 2016
Sunday 2:27 am
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Rachel Riley is one of my favourite wanks.
>> No. 402456 Anonymous
7th June 2016
Tuesday 11:12 pm
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I think I mentioned before that the head of the English Soc invited me to read at the last English Soc public reading, which was nice, but I was a regular reader at the previous ones so it was probably just her being polite. I had fucking raucous applause that night, people were even whooping. Possibly because I read two short and funny things right after this one guy read some incredibly long and repetitive poems, but whatever. She just now invited me to read those same pieces at some event designed to encourage potential students to sign up for "our" university. I say "our" because not only have I never studied English at uni level but I dropped out of the course I actually was studying there about ten months ago. I'm not sure if she knows that, but it's very flattering either way. I'm going to be an advert for a subject I didn't study at a university I don't attend.
>> No. 402458 Anonymous
7th June 2016
Tuesday 11:59 pm
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>>402313
I'm sure you're one of her favourite wankers too.
>> No. 402484 Anonymous
8th June 2016
Wednesday 5:45 pm
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Just finished my exams so every day's a weekend until I start my placement in august.

Time to get drunk.

whiteline
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