Vorderman from the rear.

Vorderman.

Full credit to her surgeon, he's done a cracking job. A bit unsubtle, but I like it.

>>62741
Two from the top

>>62742
Two from the bottom

>>62743
Two from anywhere else

>>62742
I think she must be teeny tiny in real life. Famouses often are.

>>62747

The google reckons she's 5'5".

she could take my five inches iykwim

Fur trimmed Vorderman.

At the races Vorderman.

A thread of true /iq/ quality.

Air cadet vorderman.

Welsh women's rugby vorderman.

Coach awards vorderman.

Vorderman with her horse.

This thread is the new highlight of my day.

Op is a ledge and this thread must never die.

Pilot Vorderman

>>62837

You're doing god's work, son.

>>62837

She's an honorary Group Captain no less. Probably the best Group Captain since Ian 'Chunky' Gilmore.

>>62837

There's something about the airwoman's uniform that does it for me, I'm not sure why. Possibly all of my grandad and his friend's stories about waafs.

>>62837
Is it just me or does she look like Rachel Riley here?

Sheer Vorderman

Black leggings vorderman.

Striped jumper vorderman.

Brecon beacons vorderman.

Sandwich holding vorderman.

Sat on a plane vorderman.

>>62854
Fuck, thought this was a star wars still on first glance.

This thread is a valuable hoard of Vords

>>62854
This is fuckin' wild.

marple vorderman.

>>62863
I like her more in that outfit than these ill-fitting trousers.

Also, it's more violet than marple.

>>62865
That lilac you spazztard.

>>62863
No wait, lavender. Lavender.

It are mauve, you colourblind nitwits.

It's quite clearly indigo

On the train to Manchester vorderman.

I miss going on the train.

Skanky vampire Vorderman

>>62872
I smell fake Vorderman.

>>62872
You have ruined my day and brought shame upon yourself, your family and the .gs collective.

>>62872
MODZ

Vorderman with a man.

Vorderman without a man.

>>62876

Apparently she's sleeping around and enjoying it.

>>62878
Well she didn't get them done to help with her buoyancy, m9.

>>62878
WELL IT'S A NUMBERS GAME INNIT

>>62876
Vorderman

>>62877
Vordernoman

At least she was never left hanging like Rachel here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSZArCpYeo8

>>62882
She claims she's never had plastic surgery in her life. She says her enhanced boobs and arse are the result of HRT.

>>62886
And some say we live in the eye of a blue eyed giant called Macumber.

Window holding vorderman.

Sorry but am I the only one who thinks she looks absolutely awful?? She looks like a caricature of an OTT slightly bonkers single auntie who dresses like a twenty year old at fifty. The fake T&A are frankly horrifying! What on earth possessed her to reinvent her look into this, I don't know!

(A good day to you Sir!)
(A good day to you Sir!)
(A good day to you Sir!)

>>62889

>SHE LOOKS LIKE A CARICATURE OF AN OTT SLIGHTLY BONKERS SINGLE AUNTIE WHO DRESSES LIKE A TWENTY YEAR OLD AT FIFTY

Yes, exactly. That's the appeal.

>>62889
gb2 mumsnet

>>62889

>CARICATURE OF AN OTT SLIGHTLY BONKERS SINGLE AUNTIE

I'd bonk her if she was my single auntie, iykwim

>>62892
> Ambulancelad 19/03/27 (Wed)23:32 No. 62892
>I'd bonk her if she was my single auntie, iykwim

Bad luck Ambulancelad

>>62742

How much of this is bad photoshopping how muich is really her?

>>62895
With four big ones I'm not sure even Vorderman herself could work that out.

Wineglass on her bum vorderman.

>>62895

Not photoshop, not really her either.

>>62898

Sure the arse just sticks out in that picture so much I can't believe she could sit down in a chair if it is 'real'

This started off as a hot thread but now I'm concerned all this is part of some kind of crisis she's going through.

>>62900
It's not a crisis, I've seen this in younger women. Nerdy girls who get fit as anything after school or college, they change, they get way, way more confident and sexual, to the point where it's a little odd and intense. The oddness factor is probably less of an issue in Vords because she's a proper grown-up and not a confused, late-teens/early-twenties, kind-of-grown-up. However, the realisation that she's more attractive than ever is quite a kick; possibly not unlike the one I used to get when I get my cock out on BlogTV as a youngster. You'd act differently too if you woke up looking John Hamm, you'd definitely start wearing the loosest underwear possible*, that's for sure.

Also she's as rich as the pharaohs these days, that'll put a spring in anyone's step.

*John Hamm has a massive cock, fyi.

>>62901
Good points John.

>>62741

Vorderman with a bone-on

>>62901

I don't want to sound like I'm just jealous of him (obviously I am), or just trying to anonymously humblebrag about my own massive cock (obviously I am) but it seems a decent size but not that groundbreaking. I have a very similar sized bulge if I wear tight trousers and I don't think I'd call my cock massive, it's girthier than average, but I wouldn't say it's that remarkable. I think people forget you can end up with a lot of ball in your bulge too, which throws the whole thing off.

It does seem like Hamm doesn't wear underwear, though. That's a bold move.

>>62904

Men often overestimate their dick size, and the average dick size along with it. The actual variance among dick sizes is pretty small, so statistically speaking you only have to be an inch or so above the average (which is only around 5 and a bit inches) to be in the 95th percentile. so therefore, according to science, you only have to be about 6.5 inches or above to qualify as a monster cock.

pornography does a lot of terrible things to society and perhaps the worst for a lot of blokes self esteem is making them (and a lot of women) think that anything below 8 inches is "average". the scales of reference have been skewed massively, the same way you get birds feeling shit about their body because they're not a size 0 supermodel.

source:

https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2015/03/how-big-average-penis

>According to the team’s analysis, the average flaccid, pendulous penis is 9.16 cm (3.61 inches) in length; the average erect penis is 13.12 cm (5.16 inches) long. The corresponding girth measurements are 9.31 cm (3.66 inches) for a flaccid penis and 11.66 cm (4.59 inches) for an erect one.

>A graph of the size distribution shows that outliers are rare. A 16-cm (6.3-inch) erect penis falls into the 95th percentile: Out of 100 men, only five would have a penis larger than 16 cm. Conversely, an erect penis measuring 10 cm (3.94 inches) falls into the 5th percentile: Only five out of 100 men would have a penis smaller than 10 cm.

>>62906

This is both interesting and comforting information. There was a site knocking around where you could put in your measurements and it would tell you where you fell as a percentile, and it put me right up there in the top bracket. I immediately assumed it was bollocks for much the same reasons you mentioned - it seems unfathomable to consider 16cm massive.

I've heard that women (and men) are absolutely terrible at judging size without measuring, though, frequently guessing that a partner's knob is eight or ten inches long when it's not even close.

I'm sorry, Vordermanlads, I didn't mean to ruin the thread by bringing up John Hamm's todger. I'll choose my words more carefully in the future.

>>62908

You should have known better. It's Pandora's moose knuckle.

>>62909
I thought the explainer at the end of my post and choosing such a famously large knob would negate the need for photos. Alas bigcocklad had other ideas.

Can we please get back to Vorderman and stop talking about John's Hamm.

>>62918
She hasn't posted a picture on Twitter or been snapped by paparazzo in a few days. When I have some new material normal service will be resumed; she's been invited to the Bahrain Grand Prix by Mercedes this weekend so I imagine we'll soon get pictures of her polishing an F1 car with her buttocks or something like that.

>>62919

I've got 10/1 on her posing as an umbrella girl.

Normal service will resume shortly. Thank you for your patience.

Vorderman in the sun.

Pit lane vorderman.

Sunglasses selfie vorderman.

VIP guest vorderman.

Vorderman touching the car.

Vorderman touching the steering wheel.

Vorderman touching a man.

V o r d e r m a n

>>62932

I'd let her gently caress my upper wishbone IYKWIM.

>>62934
I'd let her touch my man with a receding hairline IYKWIM.

>>62935

R A V E D M O R N

>>62959
darn mover

Vorderman in the paddock after dark.

Someone needs to set up a petition to Channel 4 for them to run a 24/7 stream of old Countdown episodes.

Sign touching vorderman.

Green jumpsuit vorderman.

Williams garage vorderman.

Podium selfie vorderman.

Absolutely haram vorderman.

With a horsey chum vorderman.

Appg-ga vorderman.

HMS vorderman.

>>62979

Nice to see ARE CAROL with a load of seamen.

>>62980
May God bless her and all who sail in her.

Hover hand vorderman.

Bunk bed vorderman.

>>62983
I'd slip into her bunk bed, IYKWIM.

>>62984

More like spunk bed, eh?

>>62985
Don't lower the tone, lad.

Vorderman pushing her suitcase into a lift.

Luggage pushing vorderman.

Luggage pushing vorderman.

Luggage pushing vorderman.

>>62987

She can push my suitcase into a lift IYKWIM.

Vorderman on the track.

Vorderman with the channel four F1 presenters.

Vorderman with Daniel ricciardo.

Vorderman with some other racing driver. I don't know... He's got a big forehead so he's probably German or Scandinavian.

>>62995

Ricciardo's neck is wider than his head.

>>62997
That's an erect dickhead. He's standing next to Vorderman, of course he's going to have a neckboner.

>>62997
Think of all the g-force racing drivers have on their necks, they must end up super muscular.

>>63001

Bikini Vorderman in space.

cheeky x-ray photoshop vorderman.

I had a dream that she came to my work and I took a picture for you all.

National space centre vorderman.

>>63013
Who wore it better, Carol or the skyscraper?

>>63014

Monsieur Bibendum.

Petrol station vorderman.

>>63016
Have you found the scraping the bottom of the barrel Vorderman yet?

Soldiering on vorderman.

Awards night vorderman.

Vorderman with soldiers

Do you reckon she still watches Countdown?

>>63022
The guy on the right is hiding his stonk on with his drum. I can see it in his eyes.

>>63024
I can see it in your eyes
There is something
Something you wanna tell me
I see it in your eyes
There is something
That you have for me
Is there a reason why?
There is something
Something you wanna tell me
I see it in your eyes
There is something
That you have for me

>>63023
Likely after a night on the piss, with a bucket of ice cream, bawling her eyes out, pointing at the TV screen, shouting "I used to do that!".

>>63026

And unlike that cow Rachel Riley, Vorderman can actually do the maths. (Riley is fed the maths via earpiece, allegedly)

>>63027
Susie would never stand for that. This sounds like one of those smears that came out shortly after she had a pop at Corbyn for anti-Semitism. It's a sad day when even countdown is politicised.

>>63027
Riley has a 1:2 with honours in Maths from Oxford, so if she needs fed answers where previously an engineer didn't, I'd be fucking baffled m8.

Vorderman in her knickers.

Vorderman in her knickers in her gym.

Pilot vorderman.

>>63027
>>63028
Both Susie and Rachel get fed answers from the ear piece.

They mention it on the show sometimes.

>>63054
balderdash!

>>63055
You've used the "A" twice, lad.

Vorderman with a plumber in her local post office.

>>63057
I'D FIX HER PIPES IYKWIM

Daily Mail sudoku on a train vorderman.

Vorderman with a double leg amputee.

Vorderman with her hood up.

Vorderman with astronauts.

Vorderman doing press-ups.

Vorderman with her leg up.

Vorderman with her tongue out.

Stretchy vorderman.

Bendy vorderman.

One foot in the air vorderman.

Stage door vorderman.

In every one of these photos, you can see the desperation in her eyes. Please, please let me back on the telly. She's like a female Alan Partridge.

>>63112

That's one eye accounted for, but what's going on in the other one? I think she's scanning the horizon for prey.

>>63112

I'm not seeing it. Besides, she seems to be on telly whenever she feels like it, and has a lot going on otherwise. I doubt Partridge would be flying his own plane about for the craic.

rule 34 vorderman https://rule34.paheal.net/post/list/Carol_Vorderman/1

>>63117
They missed a trick not photoshopping some of those to say 'cuntdown'.

Vorderman at the gym.

Vorderman at the gym.

Vorderman at the gym.

Vorderman at the gym.

Vorderman at the gym.

Vorderman at the gym.

Vorderman at the gym.

Vorderman at the gym.

Vorderman at the gym.

Vorderman on a train wearing a hat.

Vorderman on a train without her hat.

That's it.

That's an entire month of posting vorderman.

What now?

Where do I go from here?

What am I doing with my life?

>>63140

You can't stop now. This thread ends when either you or Vorderman are dead.

>>63143
Vorderman died when she abandoned Whiteley to the wolves.

>>63140
Take the bank holiday off, kid, you've earnt it.

Vorderman's funbags.

Funbag's vorderman.

she looks like she'd let you touched them if you asked her

>>63929
Only if she could post on Twitter about it.

I thought I'd scroll through her Tweets to see what I'd missed since stopping the daily vorderman updates in April, but I'd been doing it for about 20 minutes and still hadn't made it to the start of her posts in August so I gave up.

>>63929

Nah, she looks like she'd ask you first, she'd be at your mums for a little get together, and after a couple of glasses of rosé she'd start making pointed comments about how you've grown up these last few years, talking openly about her sex life after the divorce and of course, her new boobs. She'd see that her comments weren't being appreciated by your mum but that would only encourage her. Eventually she'd corner you in the kitchen, and ask if you'd like to touch them. You'd oblige, of course, and say something daft like "oh they're very convincing" - something that you know for sure would put a girl your own age right off, but you'd be surprised here that she just laughs and thanks you. Your mum would walk in just after and ask you to go get something from upstairs or help out elsewhere in the house.

When you return you'd sense the slightly frosty atmosphere but you'd still see that glint in her eye. You'd know then that though it might not happen that night, she has plans for you, and over the course of a couple of months a few fleeting but escalating encounters and before you know it, you're learning things about yourself and about women you never thought possible. Deep down inside both of you is the dark shared secret that the most erotic thing about what you're doing is how much it would piss off your parents and maybe her kids, probably your age too. You don't know how this will end, and frankly you don't care - maybe you'll be caught, found out, maybe she'll spill it as a way to win an argument with her ex or your mother or someone, but again, that only adds to the fun, the excitement. You still see the girl from school you sometimes meet up with, and this is when you start to realise that actually, despite her enthusiasm and energy, she just can't give you what the older woman can. You know you'll never be with the latter, not 'together' - you're naive but not stupid. So you enjoy it while it lasts, take it all in, and then one day it ends, but for a long time after that you're a new man - or just a man, finally.

Years later you look back and wonder if the experience didn't actually damage you, make you into the womaniser you became - did this forbidden fruit handed to you on a platter start you off on the egocentric journey of being so convinced you could have any woman you wanted that you actually projected that out into the world? Was she the reason you proudly claimed you didn't believe in love, until you finally realised how lonely you were in your late twenties? Was this encounter the catalyst for your entire personality - you certainly weren't as cock sure and confident before it happened? You sit awake, late at night, looking at your girlfriend, appreciably younger than you, but not the twenty or more years of that one dirty secret all that time ago, and you wonder if that was really the turning point for you, the event that shaped your life - would you be a different person if you'd never touched those boobs? Would you regret it, be bitter and alone still, but without all those women to comfort you along the way? Or would you be married, have kids, be happy? Is it healthy to even entertain the idea of one 'relationship' shaping your life, one adult showing you something you shouldn't have seen, or shown you far too soon?

And then you look at the tits on Carol, get hard just thinking about what she'd do to you, and you'd do to her, rip another line and lie back for a good, long wank. Because in the end, you don't really care how you feel, or how you ended up the way that you are - you just think that's what you're supposed to do. What normal people would do.

>>63964

You are Russell Brand and I claim my £5.

>>63964
hello darkness my old friend...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnKa_cLSeg8

I'd wager real money that >>63964 is still a virgin

>>64000

WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT? SHOW YOUR WORKING.

_{how did he know}

>>64002

No-one who's had proper sex with a woman puts that much effort into typing a dirty fantasy on a pokey little imageboard.

Now ask me about my theory of why Ed Sheeran is obviously a virgin...the logic on that one is even more sound!

>>64003

The fact you read that as a fantasy rather than psychological trauma is a bit telling.

And Eds a virgin because he's fucking minging

>>64004

No, he's a virgin because he did an entire song about losing his virginity. Everyone knows that only lads who haven't actually had sex go on about how they're definitely not virgins, like Jay off the Inbetweeners.

i'm a pedo but i'd would definitely consider having sex with her

Last vorderman of the year, lads.

Ridiculous tits for a weather presenter.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hjWqQ3BagY

>>64847
It's been raining old ladies and sticks, and Carol loves numbers.

Two big ones please Carol.

>>64848
>TWO BIG ONES PLEASE CAROL

I like the way the cameraman hones in on them at the end of this.

https://twitter.com/carolvorders/status/1221427256335183872

>>64847
...did she say 'scorchio'?

>>64850
Might as well of. Its not like Welsh is a real language.

What are her knockers like sans bra and top? Big boobs look fantastic in clothes but when they take their clothes off they're often all saggy and floppy. True connoisseurs prefer smaller boobs.

>>64853
>TRUE CONNOISSEURS PREFER SMALLER BOOBS.

These paedo word filters are getting weird.

>>64853

Given the amount of work she's had done, I'd wager that they're MILF pornstar tier - perfectly round, with a slightly offputting accumulation of scar tissue.

>>64861
And slightly gravity defying and a bit too pert.

Most tits that have been done look fine in clothes, but terrible with them off.

>>64853
Like a pair of Christmas puds strapped to her chest.

MORNING LADS

>>64853

Ha. really. you're like a "real alre" snob who has only just discovered hobgoblin, mate.

true connoisseurs know it's all about the booty, and the tits can be whatever size they like. as long as they have a big fat bum to smother my face with i couldn't give a shit.

>>65036
You calling are Vorderman a fuckn hobgoblin mate?

>>65035
I'd like to nuzzle and nibble on those heaving synthetic masterpieces while she reads me Where the Wild Things Are and feeds me Farleys Rusks. I may or may not be wearing a fursuit.

>>65038

Plastic gets a lot of criticism these days, but I'm a big fan.